


A Sophisticated Seduction

by LeeAusten



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Once Upon A Time, Once Upon a Time Swan Queen, Swan Queen - Freeform, ouat swan queen, regina and emma - Freeform, regina emma ouat, regina emma swan queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:15:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 310,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24345634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeAusten/pseuds/LeeAusten
Summary: Emma's a college student, working as an intern at the Dazzle Magazine for a powerful woman she has never had the good fortune of meeting. But everything in her life is about to change when they finally meet. Especially when one falls so deeply in love with the other and the insecurities from a broken marriage comes to light. (Not Based on The Devil Wears Prada)
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills & Emma Swan, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 11
Kudos: 86





	1. When We First Meet

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a true story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been getting a ton of requests from people begging me to put this on the site. So here it is! Thanks for following on Fanfiction.net! Here's to over 1000 REVIEWS and a load of follows!

**Excerpt:**

" _Come," I said, meeting her eyes with a cool expression, "what's the worst that could happen? They could be slightly annoying but they're intelligent company so -"_

" _I don't care about them," Regina said, her voice taking on that throaty level again. "Intelligent conversation is quite entertaining but can become severely boring. But not of importance at the moment."_

_I stared back at her and blinked._

" _Okay, well you're good to go then. There's the view and everything else. So -"_

" _Emma," she never looked away, and my heart melted, "I just want to be with you."_

_I think I died for a full minute._

* * *

You know, most times people expect the handsome guy who sits neatly in the office chair outside to fall for the sexy CEO. The power in the suit sitting in the big leather chair with one of those expansive oak desks. A skyline that you can simply become lost in.

He's sitting there, eyes sweeping over her office as she moves within like a sleek leopard in her furry coat. And just when that phone rings on his desk, the ID signaling it's her, all hands become shaky. He prepares himself to hear that husky voice. A voice that can literally make love to someone over the phone. She could ask him to do anything, even polish her shoes, those killer heels and he'd bend down like a fool and kiss each one after wiping that cloth over those stilettos.

That was me.

I wasn't a guy, duh, but the wide eyed blonde with the high ponytail, huge glasses and uncomfortable suits: that was me, the not so preppy, just midway in college. And here I was, working to earn my own money because I was that independent.

I liked being like this, by myself.

I began working for the Dazzle Fashion Magazine's head office close to six months ago on an internship. Still in university, already on my second year, there was a desperate need for cash because your parents can only give you so much. And to have them pay for my tuition plus the buying of handouts, well it made me feel as if I was really squeezing their pockets unnecessarily. I mean, they had already paid to send me here so that I could study. Then the need to work my way up on my own, which was all I wanted.

So what did I do? I applied for the open position as the CEO's Assistant Secretary. That means that I was working for her Secretary whose job was the worst ever because she never used her chair…ever.

Ruby never sat down for longer than two minutes because as soon as she did, the telephone rang. A fax came in. She had to run out in traffic to fetch some envelope that contained confidential documents or she had to pee. Me, I just mostly answered the phone, scanning stuff, passing around memos that Miss Mills sent in.

I mean, I was aware of the fact that the boss' name was Regina. But we never called her by her first name in the office because it was like way out of line. Everyone, every single employee, close to one hundred of us were scared shitless when we heard that she was coming in for the day.

I don't know how, but ever since I started working there, there was only one time when I caught a glimpse of her. And that was around December last year when they were wrapping gifts, decorating the office, hanging up decorations. I remembered getting up to use the washroom and when I returned, bending behind my desk to fix my shoes, I heard the sound of heels moving past me. Believing it to be just Ruby, of course I didn't really lift my head to check to see whoever it was. But upon sitting up fully, there she was, well, walking. I managed to catch the back of choppy black hair and a killer suit.

That's it, really.

First day on the job, I fucked up big time. Given a simple task to photocopy a memo and pass it around. How bad could that go really? That led to me spilling Coke on the paper and the entire top floor received a smudged document with my hand print on it. Escaping into the washroom that day, I cried because I was nervous as hell. And after shaking for a good half hour in a shiny tiled stall, I dried my eyes and attacked the rest of the day with a vengeance. It would be beneficial to note that I selectively bought one of these cups that you screw close tightly, even when tipped over, not a drop escapes. And that cup became my pride and joy up to this day.

It would be alright to say that six months into the job, I never met her in person. She'd call every single day and Ruby would pick up because that was her job, sitting next to the mainline and pulling the majority of the workload. And I kept wondering if I was really needed to begin with. All I did was photocopy documents and race the rush hour to get in front the line so that I could snatch coffee.

Her office was always empty, the grand oak desk with the large chair behind it like that for days. Everything remained untouched on her desk, and most times when I went in there to turn on her A.C, the flashing red light on her answering machine kept catching my attention.

She was literally a neat freak.

I could seriously count five stacks of documents upon the surface of her desk. No turned up edges. No creased paper. Just five neat piles that edged my nerves. If you think that's all of it, then there's the lineup of pens. Blue, Black, Green and Red. Two red pencils, and a red crayon. What the hell the red crayon was for, I had no idea. But word had it that she blatantly used her leisure time to draw stick photos of us and laugh maniacally. Maybe it was true.

Her coffee colored bookcase was stacked with copies of brochures and magazines, a first edition of everything ranging from Oprah Winfrey to Stephen King. Not a speck of dust could be sought out. Not a smudge anywhere. Her red leather chair smelt like White Diamond and the plug in air freshener was scented apples.

She was known to be a bitch as noted by Ruby. The woman who fired her employees on the spot without remorse. Sending them out the door, most of the poor people erupting into tears just next to my desk. But the funny thing was, I had never really seen the woman fully. She was never inside the office but apparently showed up after hours. Working from the headquarters in Los Angeles, the boss spoke to everyone through conference calls. I was probably unlucky enough to never really cast eyes upon her. Or maybe it was for a reason.

One night I stayed in late.

It was Friday night and Neal, this guy I had met in my Business Policy class asked me to meet him at this new club on Forty Ninth Street. I never liked clubs, and most of my teenage years were spent anywhere else but in that social choice of setting. I preferred the library and this place right on Forty Ninth that had a rooftop view, my kind of place where I frequented every weekend to find some tranquility.

So there I was sitting at my desk waiting on his call, eyes glancing every once and awhile at my mobile resting on a stack of papers on the desk. I was slipping on knee high leather boots, zipping up the right side when the low ring of the telephone in front of me jolted my senses awake. Springing up in fright, eyes wide, I glanced around wildly before realizing that it the just the phone, not the alarm, not a bomb ticking to destruction.

But it was late. What the hell…

Anyway, five rings filled the silence around me and after it ceased, just the dull roar of the traffic on the streets below returned to my ears. There was the honking of a horn as someone probably grew impatient and the humming of the A.C unit. Nothing else stirred inside the large expansive office with the cubicles all around. And I sat there, staring around wildly with my heart racing as I suddenly anticipated the place being burglarized with me inside. Oh sure guards were all around, burly ones with beefy arms and loaded weapons. But still…

I was never really a lucky girl.

Looking back on it now, it was so funny to begin with, how it all happened. One minute I was checking my nails, frowning at chipped gold nail polish. And then the phone rang again. I snatched it up fast, eyes bulging as my throat became parched.

"Hello, you're on to the Dazzle Fashion Magazine's Head Office. Emma speaking, how may I help you?"

There was silence for a few seconds. Breathing. Definitely someone there. "Regina speaking…" I stopped breathing when I heard that name. I knew that name.

"Hello, Miss Mills", I said nervously as I already could feel my hand shaking, "how can I help you?"

"I have a dilemma." She wasted no time. "Retrieve a number for me. Andrew Hastings."

"Andrew Hastings", I said in a shaky voice, and then my senses caught up with me. Grabbing for the large phone book on Ruby's desk, I nervously flipped through it, my eyes wide. "Um, the number is…" and I gave it to her, repeating it when I was finished. "The person also has a mobile."

"Well obviously I'll need that as well."

I gave her that and repeated it.

"You sound nervous, Emma", she said, her husky voice filling my ear.

"I…well…" I shrugged without realizing no one could see me.

"Don't be…" and she sniffed. I was a very observant person, and from the time she did that, I realized that if she wasn't down with the cold then there was one other alternative.

She was either tired, had been crying or was seriously coming down with the cold.

"I'm trying not to", I said and half laughed. The same reaction wasn't returned.

There was a long silence but I knew she was still on the line so I held my end up, waiting. Still shaking, my knees weak, I cradled the phone between my ear and shoulder then wiped my sweaty palms on my pants.

"Alright, I'm trying his cell but the fool's not picking up", she said and I realized what her silence meant now. Stupid me had other thoughts as the time had passed. "I'll see you tomorrow, Emma."

"Are you…" my eyes were wide, "are you coming in tomorrow?"

"Yes", she said. "I'm at the airport. Andrew is my driver and he's…well…" there was silence and she sighed, "he's not here. I've been waiting for five minutes."

Five minutes wasn't that long but she said it as if it was like forever. Anyway, typical boss fidgeting: they hated to wait. The airport was just half an hour away and Neal hadn't called yet. Maybe I could ask her.

"Do you want me to come pick you up?" I asked bravely, "maybe he's caught up in rush hour traffic somewhere."

"It's okay, dear", she said calmly, "I wouldn't want to intrude. I'll wait."

"No, it's okay. I can come get you."

Silence again.

"Fine, fuck Andrew. Drive safely but quickly because I hate waiting and…" I snatched my keys, then picked up my red leather bag, "be careful."

"If anyone tries to attack, take off your shoe and beat them with it", I said quickly.

"I'm wearing boots…"

Epic fail moment.

I swallowed. "Leaving now."

"Okay." And I returned the phone back on the cradle.

I rushed through the traffic, driving fast but safely as she had told me, cutting through lanes and beating the light by seconds. My foot was resting snugly on the accelerator, eyes were focused and mind alert as I tried not to hit anyone. My yellow bug was all I had, and dad would kill me if I managed to wreck it before graduating.

The boss…

She was here, and I was actually on my way to pick her up from the airport. I suddenly realized that fuck…I had no idea how she looked. From her voice I pictured a woman in her fifties, probably graying already, not fully. Choppy black hair. Yeah I remembered that back view. Slightly shorter than me. Honey colored skin, because I had seen a slice of skin beneath her right ear that day. And she was probably wearing a suit of some kind, always on her cellphone like most bosses. They always were glued to their mobiles. Then she'd be wearing those boots. Whatever kind of boots they were, they were boots. And I'd find her.

I beat the thirty minute drive, arriving in twenty minutes. Parking the car as close as I could to the entrance and exit, the sliding automatic doors, my eyes scanned the sea of faces. Geez, this was going to be something. I decided to get out and search for her. I walked down the gravel pavement, making my way through people and towards the sliding doors. A woman dressed to weaken knees, standing there with a right boot lifted up to rest on the wall behind, she raised her dark eyes to meet mine. And something passed between us.

With a small smile upturning her red painted lips, she scrutinized me slowly as I slowed my pace, knees suddenly growing weak.

For the first time in my life, I believed that it had happened.

Most people always talk about love at first sight, as if you can lock eyes with a person and know in that moment that there's a connection between the two of you. For just a few seconds I felt a pull between us. And I smiled shyly, moving past where she stood to enter the terminal. I believed shaking my head in amazement didn't work for me. It was like boom, I was into women and men, never had a situation before when a woman did that to me and now it had happened.

I was close to twenty three, had some dry years behind me with short flirts, none with a woman before and the moment actually happened. But should I have like, stopped and done something about it? Nah, I figured not. So I stood there looking around and saw no one. For like five minutes my mind was lost in confusion and I kept looking around everywhere but there was no Regina looking person around, no boss like figure. Fuck, I didn't even know what to expect!

My boots padded softly on the tiles as I exited the main doors again and stood there glancing around, eyes bewildered. From the moment I inhaled, trying to calm myself, I felt her eyes on me. And I knew without second guessing it this time that she had been there all along. Above the grinding of gravel under tires as the vehicles arrived to pick up, the screeching of the planes taking off and landing, I laughed inwardly.

"Emma…?" a hoarse voice that literally melted my knees. Woah!

I turned around slowly, palms pressed on my pants front as our eyes met and she was smiling. Well maybe she wasn't but her face was seriously gorgeous enough to be graced with a smile.

My eyes met her knee high brown leather boots, the kind that had small buckles at the sides. And her million dollar dress suit, red with a long sleeved black jacket. Wearing red lipstick to match that outfit, her eyes were defined by black eyeliner, diamond earrings sparkling from either earlobe. And her hair was just a part of her beauty. She was so beautiful, probably the most beautiful woman I had ever seen with her smoky eye shadow and blush, honey colored skin and that incredibly slim figure.

Maybe I turned back to a sixteen year old wide eyed boy in that moment as my eyes swept over her. And then I caught myself, snapping back into focus, I hurried forward, heart racing.

"I'm Emma…" I said in a nervous voice.

"Twenty minutes", she said, lifting a hand gracefully to slide the sleeve of her jacket upwards, checking an expensive watch. Then her eyes met mine, "you made it before time."

"I did", and I felt pride swell my head.

A man obviously a taxi driver tried to hassle the boss for the need of a fare. Immediately I watched the change in Regina as she glared back and tugged her bag out of his grip.

"Touch my luggage one more time and I will rip your arm off." Brown eyes remained so fiery, I literally burnt up inside by looking at her. So did the man. Immediately her bag was released and she scoffed. "New York is such a chaotic arena filled with imbeciles who have no respect."

The man stepped back and swallowed hard. "Look, lady I was just trying to get my job done here, so -"

"Have you not removed yourself as yet?" eyebrows were raised. "Must I kick you between your legs to flip on the GO AWAY switch?"

I snorted.

"Bitch," he muttered and turned away.

A wary glance was cast his way. "Is your car in one piece?" she asked, her eyes still on me.

"Yeah, it is."

"Impressive." Her eyes swept over me from my hair all the way down to my boots and I felt conscious of my appearance. Those same brown eyes lingered on my lips and I stopped breathing.

She waited, still staring at me.

"Shit…right", and I made a move, helping her with the other bag on the ground as I snatched it up into my arms. Glad that my hair was tied up in a ponytail, I felt my glasses move just a little down my nose and tried to scrunch up my face to keep in place. It remained intact until we got to my car.

Regina stood watching me from behind as I unlocked the door, then pulling open the back door, I reached in to rest the bag on the back seat. Turning around, I caught the same eye roam thing again on me. I smiled inwardly because I liked it. Stepping towards her, I gestured to the other bag and she nodded quickly, wheeling it to the front. When I reached out to take the handle, our fingers brushed and I felt it. She did too but she wasn't quick enough to hide it because I saw her chest heave. The flutter of her eyelashes as she blinked at me. Something stirred within, like deep down.

Shit…I thought internally, not the boss, not the boss. Don't do this Emma.

Anyway, I thought she would have had objections to my car. I kept the insides clean, because recently I had become a neat freak ever since I started to work for her firm. Things had to be kept in order for me to focus, like the coins remained in the small pocket draw under the A.C controls, just so I could reach in there in the mornings to get direct change when buying coffee. The mat that her boots were resting on now as we drove, those were rubber and since it was the rainy season in New York, well, I had to keep those clean as well.

Most of my life I had been a messy girl, but everyone needs a wakeup call.

We drove in silence. And I found it hard to keep my eyes on the road ahead especially with her sitting beside me so close. With one elbow resting on the car door, she held her face on the palm of her hand as brown eyes gazed into the fiery lights of the traffic. God, did she know how beautiful she was? Even her perfume was so intoxicating, so distracting and choking me. I had crushes before, small crushes but never one so instantaneously, and so strong. She had this impact on me and it was tremendous.

To be honest, I remember once there was a brief crush on a teacher. But it was kind of like one of the weirdest crushes of all crushes because the woman was a nerd. Glasses as thick as the cover of a hard copy of Harry Potter. Well...thicker. But you get the idea. And these sexy plaid shirts and remained tucked inside tailored pants. She came across as gay. So I spent most of my Accounts classes staring at a curvy behind instead of the paying attention to the numbers.

"So, I've been working for you for six months now and never have I seen you before", I said, small move to make conversation. "You're the boss. I get that you're busy. But you're hardly in."

"I've been in Las Vegas, Emma", she said in her husky voice, gaze directed out the window.

"Wow, Vegas…" and I inhaled deeply. "I bet that's something."

"Well, traveling there to legalize my divorce from my husband that's…something."

I turned to glance at her, "I'm sorry." So she was married. Now she was divorced. Heartbroken or happy to be free again?

Why Emma? Oh why are you jumping to conclusions here?

"By tomorrow, my face will be on Extra and whatever else announcing my fucked up life. Married to a thief. God only knows how I would like to set fire to his expensive suits and all his cars. The amount of times Robin has cheated, the media has labeled me a fool for sticking around."

I didn't know what to say in return so I kept my mouth shut whilst I accelerated on the green light. To be honest, I had a feeling that she was famous, because Dazzle was one of the hottest fashion magazines in the world. But the CEO of the place, the woman who ran the whole set up, yeah Emma, of course she'd be bait for the paparazzi. But this Robin guy. Suddenly I wanted to find him and have my fist pay a visit to his jaw, several times.

"Look, just ignore them. Don't worry about them at all."

"It's not me I'm worried about", she said quietly, eyes still outside the window. I turned to look at her. "It's my daughter and son."

I was intrigued. Even more appealing to me. Yeah, come on. Maturity? That's quite my thing really because I love older men and women who're experienced. "You're a mom. That's so nice. I wanna be a mom someday."

"You will be. My eldest…" and she sighed, splaying the fingers of a well-manicured right hand before her warily, "his name's Chad, twenty six. He's a Marine, already served four years in. Most days he's away and I can cope with that. Kay on the other hand, she's twenty two, in university, fourth year. And well…she's your Jane Austen type of girl, simple, shy, lost in the books."

"I was like that last year", I pointed out. "Then I realized that in order to survive in New York on my own, away from my parents, I'd have to be braver, you know…" I turned the wheel, swinging a corner, "bolder to get what I want, to get people to listen."

"I like that", she said looking at me. "I was a nerd in high school. But then my husband happened to me."

We were spilling our stories, stuff about our life just like that. She was a stranger, but she was my boss and I couldn't believe how comfortable I felt with her there although we had just met for the first time, well in person. I wondered why she told me what she did, how she could just open up like that. And I got my answer right after.

"I never speak to the people who work for me like this, Emma", she said. I turned to look at her then when our eyes met, she almost drowned me.

"It's really okay," I shrugged.

"You probably already painted me as sophisticated bitch."

Recollections of her yelling at employees and throwing stacks of paper at them, all spoken by Ruby came to mind. Pitching her coffee mug at the wall and telling Bill, the Vice President to sack his shitty excuse for a secretary. Having us answer the phone and she waited silently. Then when we replied with 'hello' only, Miss Mills would blatantly ask what the hell happened to our manners. Yeah. She wasn't that bad.

"Nah," I lied.

Growling at Ruby through the phone and demanding that she switch flights immediately. Flinging magazine artwork across tables as the graphics designer scattered to gather them up. Pitching her mink coats upon Ruby's desk with a smirk.

"So what's happening, boss?" I was always bold enough to speak that way. And just as a way of showing her that no, I wasn't affected or intimidated.

The reaction was glorious. She focused on me and probably hacked into my brain for a couple of seconds. Trying to determine how the hell I could talk to her like that. Apparently I passed some test.

"Just before my flight tonight, I realized that I've bottled everything up inside for quite some time. There I was sitting on the plane all by myself. With no one to talk to. No one to call. No one to cheer me on after a painful divorce. And then I called, you answered. And...You're the first person I encountered after that epiphany."

I swallowed. Smiled. Drove on. "Most people use me as a diary. I absorb all the stories, but whatever is said between you and me outside of work, well everything stays between us."

"Thank you."

We remained silent until my phone rang. It was Neal, asking where the hell I was. I told him duty called whilst brown eyes fixated on me. And then after promising that we'd meet up in like ten minutes, the call ended.

"I know you hate men right now," I made the mistake of suggesting, "but I've got a couple guy friends who still give me faith in the male species."

"You hang out with...men." She said it as if I had a disease.

"Coolest dudes on the planet, trust me." I smiled.

"Men are senseless idiots," Regina sassed, "overgrown babies who eventually crave sex and nothing else."

I swallowed hard. I almost choked whilst swallowing and I ended up laughing, not too loud but enough to catch her attention. "Geez," I said.

"Take it from me, dear. Don't waste your time with them."

"You sound like you're an expert."

"I am. In my career I've dealt with enough jackasses who wear expensive suits to cover up their arrogance," fists clenched, she glared ahead. "Walking into a room full of pigs who undress me and seal deals for the mere pleasure of it."

"They still seal the deals."

"Most of them intend to sleep with me but I shut them down."

"Any guy who doesn't want to sleep with you is either gay or stupid." I said it. I said it and I regretted it because she remained silent.

She sat there with that intense stare upon my right cheek. I kept thinking to myself, does she have this effect on everyone? Or is it just me? Because inside the car was becoming seriously overheated. My temples were damp, hands sweaty. And my boss wouldn't stop looking at me.

It reached a point where I couldn't speak. Yeah, there were things that could have been said. Like, hey, what's your job like? I was genuinely curious where she traveled, what her day seemed like. I wanted to ask about stuff pertaining to the magazine. What brand of clothes she liked wearing, who did her hair. Those sort of things. But with that prolonged scrutiny, I closed up. My cheeks grew warmer and warmer.

We held that gaze.

I held it like my life depended on that gaze.

Without a blink, her chest heaved and I turned away, swallowing hard.

"One six five. Four Four," she said hoarsely, "two three nine five."

I frowned because those digits sounded familiar. "What's that? A code or something?" my throat was closing up because she would not stop looking at me.

"Your social security number," Regina reminded me. I stopped breathing.

"How did you..."

"Whilst waiting on you at the airport, I might have done some digging..."

I turned to consider her smirk. Really now? So what else did she find? "Go on then..."

"Well it appears as if you're a good girl. A 3.4 Grade Point Average. Business and Management Studies. Excellent."

The woman wasn't even using her phone or anything and she was remembering these facts about me like a script. It was pretty scary. Sitting there, listening to my boss state these things like every day talk. Like commenting about the weather. How the heck did she know about my GPA?

"I hired you," she wouldn't give up. "On May 19th, personally after delving through 50 applicants."

I swallowed again. Fifty? She personally chose me? Oh wow. I'm Harry Potter now. "What made you choose me?"

"Honestly?" her gaze was directed out the window now. Thank goodness or else she would have seen my face turn pink. "I took one look at your picture and gave in."

She...GAVE...in.

"I'm...flattered," was all I could manage. Seriously though, no one, in my entire life, had ever been that bold with me. Regina was impressively firm on her statements and never choosing to conceal anything.

"Well you should be," she said softly, "I never choose my employees. But I chose you."

The CHOSEN one.

Her words had such an impact on me, I couldn't grip the steering wheel firmly. Sweaty palms and numb toes within boots that felt like coffins of cold air. Yet between my legs tingled because suddenly I was finding myself becoming entangled in a web of desire. The need to somehow gain more from the one person who signed my salary slips. Just a neat signature that never meant much until today. Today when I attached a face like that to a name which meant nothing at all before.

So we reached the office. I decided to be, well, responsible enough and head up with her just in case. The second she got out the car, Regina took my breath away when she did that Loreal hair flip. Like reaching up and brushing fingers through the silkiest hair I had ever seen, flipping it back like a pro. Retrieving her handbag from the backseat, she gestured for the guard in front of the building to watch the car with eagle eyes. Of course her luggage remained in there, so he had no choice. We're talking about the boss here.

Now as we're inside the building, and we step up to the elevator, both of us reach out to press the UP button. Again the brush of fingers tingled my insides enough to spark a fire. Without looking back, her brown boots crossed the threshold and oh my goodness, we were in a closed off space. For one full minute as the elevator climbed to the tenth floor, I couldn't breathe. Standing next to her forced me to feel the energy radiating from the woman. Seriously, she was warming me up to an extent where I felt as if I'd faint! And that wasn't the worst part. The worst part happened when I was thrown a side way glance and our eyes met.

As the traffic hummed below on the streets, Regina opened her office and disappeared inside. For about a minute I stood outside and rethought my sexuality. At that point in time, there I was believing that a guy would do the job. That I'd get married, have kids and be the perfect mom, the fun mother who played video games and ate cereal without milk.

But after tonight, I was thinking, to hell with that concept. If I could literally be with a woman as powerful and sexy as my boss then why the hell would I need a man? I'm not saying that men aren't adequate because Neal was. He was comfy and passionate and cool and awesome. However, just imagining myself making love to Regina...

I almost collapsed on the carpet from that thought.

She came out as if reading my mind, but slowly. Apparently something was wrong because I was approached. Hips swaying, brown eyes remained on me and all the time I kept thinking, this is it Emma. She's going to break the ice and kiss me. She's going to do it. But stupid me didn't realize that there were like a hundred cameras focused on all corners of the floor and my boss would never ever attempt to seduce her Assistant Secretary in plain sight.

"Emma."

I swallowed. "Yeah, Miss Mills?"

This woman was like a walking sex machine. She literally oozed passion from those brown eyes that melted my insides.

"Have you finished my schedule for tomorrow?"

"I...did...finish it." My eyes moved to the desk Ruby and I shared. Walking to it, the drawer was pulled open and I retrieved the document. The hard part now was to approach her and hand it over.

It was done but with my definite stare focused on the meetings and whatever else she had planned for tomorrow.

ARIAL. 10. JUSTIFIED. SINGLE LINE SPACING. LISTING WITH THE CHECK MARKS. TIME IN 24 HOURS FORMAT.

That's how she preferred it. What a woman.

After giving everything a quick read through, Regina cleared her throat. To me it was the sexiest sound created by womankind.

"I'd like to move the meeting with Bookers Limited from 8:00 am to the empty slot after 3:00 pm. The old hag needs not to intrude on my morning." She studied the paper. Snatching a notepad, I made notes. Note to all of you, when you're in a position as myself, always and I repeat, always carry a notepad and pen around. "Move Betty Ingrid to 4:00 pm. She's such a pain in the ass to handle at lunchtime. I might get indigestion."

I smiled barely, eyes lowered.

"My doctor's appointment, move it to 4:30 pm."

In other words, she had changed the entire schedule. Fine by me. I'd have to get in here at 7:30 tomorrow to postpone Bookers. That meant if the night went well, I'd have to stay away from drinks and make sure I got up in time. No television. No reading. Just hanging out and straight to bed. Which wasn't that bad.

When she moved to my desk and lingered near it, I stood back and watched. It was almost as if she was checking for something but I couldn't ask. Fingers brushed over my stationery, the small pink cat with the bob head. My desk calendar was picked up and flipped through. Every page had a different Indian actress, from Aishwarya Rai to Madhuri Dixit. I felt entirely gay when a smirk crossed her lips. She fingered one of the pages and looked at me.

"Do you love when beautiful women stare at you, Emma?"

Wait, wow. I licked my lips. My spectacles was slipping down my nose. "Well when you put it that way, it sounds different."

"Different...how?" she returned the calendar and picked up my cucumber scented hand sanitizer lotion.

"I wouldn't put it that way..."

She flipped open the lid and upturned the bottle.

"It's just pretty faces on a page. For every month." How stupid did that one sound?

Squeezing some into the palm of her right hand, Regina returned the bottle gracefully. Eyes on me, she rubbed the lotion between fingers and smirked.

"So you're not...slightly...admiring them in your own time..."

"Maybe."

"I don't want my staff to be distracted from their work, so..." the calendar was taken up and flipped to the very first page. Watching me, she tossed it into the red plastic bin. "Oh don't worry." A pitiful look was given to me when I stared back in bewilderment. "I'll get my hands on a very nice one that has daily quotes and preferably flowers. Gets the mind inspired."

This...woman. Did she seriously just throw my calendar in the bin?

We gazed at each other and my cellphone rang. It was Neal. I answered it bitterly and he asked me to calm down before my entire tray of Oreo cookies were withheld. That had been promised by him because I passed a Managerial Economics exam. I ended the call.

"Is that the boyfriend then?"

"Just a friend. A close one. Nothing serious." I tried to appear single and had no idea if I was to be honest. Right about that moment I was. I really was single. "He wants us to hang out somewhere. An after work chill."

"Chugging down beers and partying in the clubs?" she seemed a bit sarcastic but maybe I was being delusional. "How grand."

"Not really, I'm not that type. This place isn't exactly a club. It's a nice hangout spot on a rooftop. And we just take a beer each and admire the view. Talk."

"Intelligent guys who make you keep the faith in the male species..."

"Yeah," I reached up, scratched under my ponytail. "He's cool."

"Play with what you know," she declared hoarsely, her gaze lingering on my chest, "it's much safer."

Did she just...

I stared with wide eyes at my boss and wondered if her words had just spoken the truth.

Something changed behind her eyes. She blinked fast, retrieved her keys from my desk and reached up to tuck dark hair behind an ear. After doing so, her footsteps led in my direction and I realized that it was time to leave. So much for saying something wrong that obviously killed the mood. Honestly, it always happened like that. I'd be in a good way and then they'd all turn around and leave. Which is why I was single and Neal wasn't even considered a boyfriend. Because he didn't want to get too close and I didn't want him to get close. And we stayed that way.

The ride down in the elevator was even worse than before because I got the feeling that something was seriously wrong. She didn't look at me. She stared at the doors and I felt like shit. All the time I kept thinking, what the hell did I do? Did she suddenly realize that we had overstepped our boundaries in the workplace enough? Was there a limit? And if so, would we just return to being nobodies to each other from tonight? Because I couldn't do it. I couldn't just come to work, see her and be treated in the most professional way. Not after being let in like this.

She got out onto the sidewalk, waited by the car and I unlocked the doors. I couldn't handle the tension. Pulling open the door for her, my throat was cleared.

"Hey, did I say something out of order?"

She shook her head immediately, dark hair fluttering in the wind. "No, dear. I'm quite fatigued. That's all."

"Job getting to you or what happened in Vegas?" I was fishing too hard.

"My entire life is a lie," she said as I pulled out into traffic, "except my job. Everything else is basically a facade."

"You're letting this guy get to you and you're not supposed to do that. Come on."

She sighed. "In more ways than one, Emma, this isn't about him alone." I looked at her. She looked away. "It's about me."

"I want to ask you to tell me more but I might come across as intrusive."

She gave me directions to her house which would obviously turn out to be a mansion. I realized that it wasn't far from where my apartment was. Possibly a block away. Who knew that my own boss was practically living less than a damn mile away for so long? Maybe I passed by her a couple of times without knowing.

"You're not being intrusive," she said as we pulled up in front of an apartment building. I counted close to thirty floors. "I like talking to you."

"And I like talking to you too," I smiled stiffly, unlocked the door for her.

Getting out, the bag with the wheels was lifted out from the back and I helped her take everything inside the lobby. From there, she allowed me to hold onto her luggage as the usual check in process was done. The man behind the desk addressed her as Regina. So obviously the familiarity had been held up for a long time from the looks of it.

"Where are your children now?" I was curious she gestured for me to follow her to the elevator.

"Both of them are in different cities. Chad is living in California and Kay is studying in Miami."

"So you're here alone?" my eyes widened.

She sighed, pressed the 15th floor button and as it lit up, I wondered if she was lonely. "I am alone, Emma."

"But that's not entirely nice."

"Sometimes people don't have a choice."

My throat ached from the hurt in her voice. "I bet you don't like being alone though..."

"At times it's rather alluring to have one's independence and freedom. Besides, I'm hardly here. Always traveling. There's no reason to remain here for longer periods. No one to come home to..."

"Someday there will be someone to come back to," I smiled but when she turned to look at me, and our eyes met, my knees grew weaker.

It wasn't because of just the look Regina gave me. But the fact that I was there, and I was struggling with these hints thrown at me. And I had no idea what to make of them. She was being so open, gazing at me. Letting me in, taking me up to her apartment. When we had just met. We had just met and there was this serious pull of attraction to her from my side. I kept wondering if she felt the same about me. But it was obviously too good to be true. A woman like her would never be with a woman like me for various reasons. One of which was my age and then my gender.

She didn't have an apartment.

That was an understatement.

Regina had a condo that covered half a floor.

The entire street line was glass paneled and she had this fireplace that you see in the movies with a glass case in front of it. Then there was the setting of the living room, red leather chairs and paintings around the walls. Paintings of various scenes ranging from forest views to lakeside settings. Her bookcase was massive and stocked. I counted forty shelves of obvious classics and bestsellers. But the best part of the entire space was her kitchen area. A red and black checkered tile counter that stretched from one corner to the next in a wide U. She had a small minibar that was well stocked. And black kitchen appliances. Her living space looked untouched.

Wheeling the bag into another room, I heard the slice of a zip.

Just imagine this woman's wardrobe.

"No, I do not want to confirm because he hasn't dished us the entire estimation sheet as yet."

I didn't want to listen but as the titles of books were admired, the hoarseness of her voice drew my attention.

"I need to reread the sheet, Robin."

Before we continue, I finally realize that maybe I might be the worst employee ever. But it suddenly dawned upon me that Robin Hood was also the joint owner of Dazzle Magazine. He ran the headquarters in Los Angeles whilst she was supposed to be positioned here in New York. So after this divorce now, it appeared as if they were at each other's throats.

"No you listen to me." I could hear the poison in her voice. "Tell that piece of shit, Roger that I will not go forward with this proposition if he cannot provide an intelligent estimation on a simple project. It doesn't require rocket science to come up with the figures. Therefore his -"

She breathed out in the silence.

"I don't give a fuck what you think at this point," she hissed. "If you wish to take me to court again then do so. I am not giving up my position on the Board. And you will listen to me when I speak. Go ahead with this, without my agreement, and I will shut the entire operation down with one phone call. Do you understand?"

Oh wow, her bitchiness was really turning me on. I loved this kind of severity in a woman. The ability to usurp her position and tell a man as it is. Don't take crap from him, boss! I thought to myself. Kill his belief that women are inferior to men!

"It's not my fault sleeping with Zelena hasn't been going so well for you so don't take your frustration out on me." She scoffed. "Oh I'm the bitch? And what does sleeping with my sister make you? Some sort of a hero?"

Eyes wide, I believed that the world kind of stopped because I had no idea that had happened. He was sleeping with her sister? Oh stop it, Emma! Stop listening in! It's not right to listen in like that. You shouldn't even be here.

Whilst I was studying the skyline, warm fingers touched my bare arm. I jumped back. Startled. And turned around. There she stood, a few inches shorter than me, eyes like melting chocolates. The power of a woman like her to just have this effect on me; it was incredible. One look and I was turned into teenage boy, smitten. Apparently all evidence of harshness in her eyes had disappeared because she looked as meek as a kitten. It was unbelievable.

"Don't you have to meet your friend somewhere?"

I suddenly remembered Neal. "Shit, yeah. Um," gesturing at nothing in particular, I swallowed. "So it was nice to finally meet you..."

She hung her head, dark hair falling into a beautiful face.

"What are your plans for tonight?" I was a bit curious.

She shrugged. "Light reading then bed."

"Sounds relaxing enough."

Our eyes met. "You mean lonely enough."

I blinked. We held unto that gaze again. And I suddenly had an idea. "Hey, would you come if I asked you to?"

A few seconds elapsed as my face was studied. "Where?"

"With me," I shrugged, growing flustered, feeling completely awkward, "to hang out. It's just going to be Neal and two other guys. All three of them are Economics majors so the conversation mostly strays away to inflation and unemployment."

"Is this place...loud?"

I actually smiled because her curiosity was so cute, especially when she stared at me with those huge brown eyes. "Not at all. The opposite to a club if you ask me. Just a rooftop, a bar, people hanging around, light music. And the wind. The view. The view is amazing."

"But wouldn't your friend's mind?"

Because she was actually considering it, I suddenly felt really excited. "No, they'd love me bringing company."

"Even your...boss?"

That would be a problem. Neal would never stop troubling me about this. And the guys would totally melt when they saw Regina. Still, it gave me a chance to be reasonable. I mean, she was fatigued. She had a tough day. She was severely attractive and I wanted to get to know her more. Possibly, guiltily be close enough to her just to...feel her warmth and savor every other thing about this amazing human being? Possibly.

"Come," I said, meeting her eyes with a cool expression, "what's the worst that could happen? They could be slightly annoying but they're intelligent company so -"

"I don't care about them," Regina said, her voice taking on that throaty level again. "Intelligent conversation is quite entertaining but can become severely boring. But not of importance at the moment."

I stared back at her and blinked.

"Okay, well you're good to go then. There's the view and everything else. So -"

"Emma," she never looked away, and my heart melted, "don't you know? I just want to be with you."

I think I died for a full minute. I seriously lost my sanity because after she said that, my entire world swung. It's like the beating of a heart that wanted to leap out my chest. Especially when she slipped of that black jacket and exposed the smooth skin of her upper arms and shoulders. When my eyes roamed the curve of hips and the swell of her breasts beneath that red tailored dress. I stopped breathing.

"Will this do?" she actually asked me, "or should I change into something else?"

"Stay the way you are," I said, my fingers trembling slightly. "You'd look hot either way so why would it matter?"

She smirked. "Great then," her hair was fluffed up, shoulders hunched as she unclasped a gold band and took off two gold rings. "Just for safety, let me leave these home."

"Right."

Honestly, when she disappeared into the bedroom once more, I wanted to sink to the floor. I wanted to melt unto the ground and stay there. Because she was seriously coming unto me and it wasn't a figment of my imagination. The first woman to actually tell me that she wants to spend the rest of the night in my company. Just like that. My boss. A woman I just met. A woman I worked for, a millionaire from the looks of it. She had all this power, all this beauty and she was actually agreeing to spend time with me.

ME.

Emma Swan.

A college student who was studying Business Management. Third Year. A total geek.

"Let's go," she came out of the room and offered a small smile. "On second thought, checking the overcast weather, maybe I should use a jacket."

I didn't even spare a second. "If it gets chilly you can always borrow mine?"

"Thank you, Emma."

Our eyes met and for the umpteenth time that night, I drowned in a shade of brown that reminded me of chocolates.


	2. Then She Actually Kissed Me

**Excerpt:**

" ** _So I gave you hope?" my lips were pressed into her hair. I smelt apples._**

" ** _Yes," she croaked. Fingers slightly tickled my thighs, dancing upon them. "I can't believe this. Am I still dreaming? Are you really here?"_**

" ** _Yeah," the paranoia had faded away. Maybe this was too good to be true because it was meant to be somehow. I just needed to relax. "Crash and burn all you like with me. Because I'm not going anywhere."_**

* * *

On any other occasion, I would have walked to Forty Ninth Street with ease.

I would have gone down the streets without a fear in my mind because that's me. Being able to handle myself since my childhood days. Toughing it up all through school and somehow finding a way to deal with things without help from anyone. If you wanted to find a friend who relied on someone else, then that wasn't me at all. But taking Regina along the shadowed streets of New York where muggers and danger lurked around every corner; I wasn't going to take that risk.

Somehow I really felt protective over her.

Even opening the door and waiting until she climbed in neatly. I was being totally gentleman like as if this was us going on our first date or prom or something.

But it felt like a first date.

It really did.

The first night we suddenly met and now we're going somewhere, just like that. Amazing how things happen, right? Pretty much, my life remains the same every single day. The same going in and coming out again to work. Hanging out. But nothing had changed like this in a long time. This was really unexpected. I was actually on my way to a hangout spot with the boss. And she was seriously throwing these vibes out.

Play it cool, Emma.

First thing's first, don't ever assume that someone wants you. Don't ever make the first move. Especially on a supposed straight woman who got recently divorced, has two kids and signs your paychecks. Don't do it. Because the minute you start making moves that are bold enough, then things might end up slapping you over. Into reality. Coming back into the now. She could be wounded and in desperate need of company. That could be it. And I wasn't about to jump into this without a life jacket. So I'd take it cool and see what happened.

But she had to make the first move on me and not the other way around.

The minute I parked in front of The Hideaway, she peered up through the window and surveyed the roof. Not much could be seen from below. So I turned off the engine, wasted no time in getting out. Her side was approached whilst she waited like a woman who had been brought up with chauffeurs that opened doors all the time. It wasn't something new to her because my move was never even considered. Rolling my eyes, I led the way as knee high boots clicked upon the concrete pavement behind me.

"Is this place safe?" she lingered two steps behind.

I turned to stare into fearful eyes. Not too wide but a slight flicker of uncertainty.

"Yeah, don't worry."

For emphasis, I held out my right hand and smiled. Then suddenly it dawned upon me that if she took it, I'd go weak in the knees. So I lowered it. She watched and waited.

Her chest heaved. "This is seriously unlike me."

I frowned. "What is?"

"Coming...here...with you," she raised her eyebrows, "clearly I am out of my mind tonight. And this is all your fault, entirely."

I offered a smile. "Trust me, you'll love it up there."

"Well," she shrugged and stepped forward, "let's see what your tastes are like. If I approve."

She was actually considering what I liked?

If she wished to be just a boss to me, intrigued by my lifestyle then that was fine. If she wanted us to be friends to just hang out, then that was fine. But throwing these hints, hidden meanings between lines? Maybe I was delusional and my mind was playing tricks on me. However, there was no covering up the way Regina reacted when I tried to touch her.

As we moved up the steps that were lined with these cool looking yellow lights, we might have accidentally brushed shoulders. She twitched and considered just where we touched. Probably feeling a spark? Then when my hand reached for the railing to climb up further, she mirrored my move. Our fingers met and I couldn't muffle my gasp. It was like a scream in the night. One that immediately pulled our eyes towards each other and she stared at me as if the world didn't exist in those couple of seconds.

Well it's safe to say that when Will, Neal and Killian saw my companion, their jaws dropped open immediately.

I knew that reaction would have happened. Rolling my eyes, she was introduced and they still couldn't find their voices. Staring at Regina as if she was a glowing Goddess covered in gold beads. After shaking hands, my boss neatly sat upon a concrete bench next to the ledge and cast her eyes upon the city below. Everything else was forgotten of for more than a minute whilst the guys threw me bewildered looks and mouthed 'what the fuck?' But Neal was always the first one to pick up things. He knew about my crushes on a truck load of female celebrities, about how I openly spoke about women and their boobs often. So obviously his first reaction to seeing Regina was more than what Will or Killian could understand.

"Of all the women," he hissed through his teeth, bending next to me by the red plastic cooler, "you chose your freaking boss?"

I smiled, took out two cold beers and shrugged. "It's not like that."

"It's not like..." he leaned in closer, "are you kidding me, Emma? The boss lady? Totally off limits. Although I've got to admit that she's smoking hot. What's her story then?"

"Recently divorced, two kids, she personally hired me, can't stop looking at me. And we only met tonight."

He stared. "Fuck."

"That's just it though," I frowned. "I'm not going to do anything."

I watched Killian ask her something. Black, choppy hair fluttering in the wind. She was seriously attractive.

"So you can't tell me you brought her here to just hang and have a good time." Neal helped me open the beers, our fingers ice cold.

"That's just it," I repeated, shaking my numb fingers out.

He smiled. "If she makes the first move..."

"She wouldn't," hanging my head, I immediately avoided Regina's gaze in my direction. "I'm not that lucky. Never was. This is just me taking the boss out to lighten up. Nothing else."

"Well from the way she's looking at you, I don't think you're that unlucky." Lifting my head, our eyes met and she peered down at her lap, smiling slightly. "What are you playing at though? You don't usually do this. Taking a woman out. That sorta thing."

I could feel my neck growing warm because after now looking at the cooler once more, a gaze was enacted again. This time though, Neal caught on and nudged me. Inhaling deeply, two packets of Doritos were snatched up and I made my way to where she sat. Why the gazes?

"The fashion industry is powerful," Killian was saying, his bold stare resting on Regina's chest. "Changes with the seasons, new trends, the lot."

"What you know about fashion, mate?" Will piped up, waving to Neal, gesturing for another beer, "you practically wear the same kind of clothes since I met you. Leather pants and leather jacket," he raised his eyebrows at Regina. "Only thing that changes for him is the color of his shirt."

"Oh shut up."

"Same pattern with the stripes," Will gestured across his chest, "vertical stripes."

I handed Regina a beer and she studied it for a few seconds before accepting. Gracefully. The way her fingers wrapped around the bottle, such a lady. Everything this woman did was an eyeopener. Every move was studied. And right about then, I had three extra pairs of eyes focused on the brunette.

"Thank you, Emma," she squeezed her thighs together to make room for me on the concrete bench. I handed her a tissue and it was pressed onto the bottom of the bottle.

Her every move was watched. By four pairs of eyes. And she still continued to avoid all scrutiny, completely unaffected. How in the world could someone be so composed and mature, I had no idea.

At my age, these guys were literally children even though older. So hanging out with them made me feel like a freaking teenager. Especially Neal who loved to break into the Carnival when it came to town and pick the locks on the rides. Will was a pro at building things. Good with tools and picking people's pockets on campus. Killian was the stud, the one who who believed himself to be the most handsome man who resided in New York. He also wore eyeliner. So to have these three idiots stare down the boss was something to smile about.

Out of all three of them, the one who definitely believed that he stood a chance was Killian.

"So the entire process," Neal took a seat next to the guys and faced Regina, "of actually putting the magazine together. Everything needs your confirmation before it goes inside? Every advertisement, every page?"

Regina swallowed a small mouthful of beer and scrunched up her face. "Not quite." Choosing to rest the bottle onto the small table before her, I studied how gorgeous her hands were. "I have a team who collects bulk advertisements from companies who have contracts with Dazzle. On a monthly basis, work is sent in. And there is another team that assembles the best picked advertisements. Of course, I finalize the entire thing."

"So you can just flip through the final result, see an outfit you don't like and ask to change it," that was Killian.

"Yes." I couldn't stop staring at her eyelashes how they fluttered every single time she blinked. I just couldn't.

"What's the economy like for the magazine business?" Neal leaned forward, obviously intrigued as he always was. In every class, asking the questions everyone was too shy to ask.

"For Dazzle, cyclical. Every season."

"Being the CEO must be pretty amazing," Neal picked up his beer and took a mouthful. He swallowed. "Then again, a powerful woman like you can obviously fill the chair with ease."

"Every frigging guy in the fashion industry is gay," Killian declared. He scoffed. "Every single one."

"I disagree," Regina said, "I know more than twenty men who aren't. Including my ex-husband."

"So you're single then," obviously that was Killian because if there was a bold one among us, then that would be him. He smiled. "How could he let such a beautiful woman go?"

It was amazing. I was watching her face, watching every move and Regina never even smiled. "I filed the divorce."

Neal smiled widely and fixated his eyes upon me. "Bet you hate all us men now, don't you?"

She smartly chose to offer a small smile, eyes directed upon the New York scenery.

For most of the time, we listened to the guys debate on the economy as usual. Speaking of oil prices and the ridiculous college debts, the lack of the government's role in law making. Will also headed a conversation on unemployment and all the time, Regina just listened on without speaking. At certain times, they would try to involve her but she replied with short sentences that didn't provide much. Well, not enough for them to debate on further. So when the three of them formed a circle and a round table for arguing on politics, I was finally allowed to have her for myself.

I think I've told you numerous times before that she's smoking hot. So no more.

"How's the view?" it was a stupid question but that's all her eyes rested on.

I guess because something was finally said by me she turned to gaze into my eyes. But it was enough to melt me immediately.

"Breathtaking."

"So is mine," the gaze was held.

She blinked, "do you come up here often?" her voice was so husky.

"After work and yeah." I shrugged. "And on Wednesdays and Fridays when I have classes, we come up. It's a way for me to just breathe and let go."

"I have other ways of...letting go," she said.

I smiled. "Drinking wine and throwing darts at a picture of your ex-husband?"

"Yes," she hung her head and smiled. "I also binge on chocolates and soppy romance movies. Black and white ones."

My eyes widened. "You're seriously amazing." But catching myself, realizing that it was a little too much, my throat was cleared. "I mean," I waved a hand in front of me, "I love black and whites too. But horror ones. I also watch cat videos on YouTube. These compilations."

She bit her lips. I waited. "You're too cute."

My breath was held because I couldn't understand what that meant. Did she mean I was cute or the fact that I watched cat videos was a cute move?

"What's your story?" I was curious to know more, wondering how much more she would hand out to me if given the chance.

"Which chapter?" her lips were licked then bitten.

The guys began to argue louder but it's like they didn't exist anymore. It was just the two of us and especially when she turned slightly to face me, that was all it took. I felt my heart racing and knew that it was more than likely my big mouth would slip. Something would be said to hint to her what my true feelings were.

"Okay," this time, I hung my head just to avoid eye contact, "favorite TV personality. If you watch that much TV, that is."

"I'd have to admit that I don't get a lot of time to look at television. But if I was to choose one person then that would be Hillary Clinton."

I was impressed. "She's also a powerful woman like you. But in a different area."

"Even powerful women have their weaknesses, Emma," she said with a bland expression. "Who's your choice?"

"Ellen DeGeneres."

She raised an eyebrow at me. "She is entertaining."

"But she's also open about who she is," I just couldn't put a lid on it. "And I like that. I like that she's not afraid to be who she is. She's bold and what everyone else says doesn't matter."

"Being an openly gay woman does have its challenges," Regina said and I looked up, studying her face intently. She wasn't looking at me but at the guys. "For her to embrace who she is, especially as a television personality. That's admirable. Not many women can gather that courage and face the truth."

Reading between the lines. Stop it, Emma. I wanted to slap myself. "I guess if someone like you were gay, then you'd be open about it because after all, you've got courage and all that."

Our eyes met and I could not read her no matter how hard I tried. There was this look in those brown eyes that didn't give anything away. Nothing. So all that could be offered to rely on was words. Her words. Nothing else.

"One might be surprised."

"About what?" my eyes widened.

She smiled barely. "In regards to delving into courage and being severely open. Courage can also mean managing things internally. I find that boasting about one's self colors you as insecure. I gather you're composed enough to act quite modest in respect to yourself."

"I guess..."

"Perhaps a sketch of your character from my point of view seems oddly...intriguing. Although young you are quite...remarkable in managing things on your own. Great potential. And I detect a free spirit."

Words. By the time I managed to make sense of what was said, about a full minute had slipped by. You can laugh all you want. Laugh at me. But the thing is, people who speak like that, it's like reading a classic book probably written by Jane Austen. She sounded like a Darcy and my brain began to hurt after a few seconds. So I smiled. I loved Darcy. And if someone had me making this much effort on them, then she was totally worth it.

"One confession of mine is that I always trust the wrong people." Eyes lowered, I shrugged. "I'm not lucky."

There was no reply and I refused to look up.

"See the thing is, you want to let someone in and then when I do, it's like running into a lion's den."

"Never allow someone to know enough about you that can be used as a weapon," she said in a flat voice, "always ask yourself, would I like what I'm about to say to be announced to one hundred other people? Because there is always a possibility of having your secret spilled."

"So I guess you have many secrets then."

"Yes."

I swallowed hard. "Have you killed anyone?"

"In my mind, yes. Possibly also by a chain reaction."

I lifted my head and smiled.

She squinted and smirked. "Many I have fired could have committed suicide but I never heard of it. Two of my exes are crumbling alcoholics. Many times I wished to stick Robin on the wall with pins but the effort is a waste of time."

If I could count the amount of times my heart danced from every word she said, then a thousand would be reached easily. It's like listening to a person who somehow has all the right things to say. Telling you stuff that captures your attention and holds it. Wanting to speak to them all the time. Especially her body language. But maybe I was finding this a little too intriguing because of my growing attraction. However, it was so worth it. Every second.

"So have you really given up on men?" I couldn't help myself.

A shrug was offered. No eye contact. "Why do you ask?"

"Men are overgrown babies who crave sex," I quoted her earlier.

"Am I attracted to them? Yes." She inhaled deeply and reached for her beer. "Do I need one in my life?" Regina shook her head. "No. I don't need one and I never needed one."

"So why marry one?" I couldn't help it.

She sipped the beer and swallowed. "At the time, Emma, I was young and desperate to be loved. A 4.0 GPA geeky young woman with baggy clothes and horrible hair. So my self-esteem was below my GPA obviously."

I smiled a bit because of her honesty.

"My mother ran Dazzle then, and since he was an aspiring business man, she immediately adored him. In other words, our marriage was arranged at first sight. So naturally," her eyes flicked to me, "I was pushed in his direction. To marry an ambitious man. To look good."

"Did you...want to be with him?"

"Yes," she wouldn't stop looking at me. "To prove to everyone that mommy's weird daughter was capable of making something of herself."

"Did you love him?"

"Love and shit are two four letter words that are married to each other." She scowled. "I never knew the meaning of love."

"So you've never been really attracted to someone, so much that you can't stop staring at them, or," I swallowed hard, and our eyes met again, "you just think, this can last forever. I feel something different. Something more."

We gazed at each other and the world was placed on mute still. I could feel my heart racing and brown eyes never turned away.

"With Robin, no." her voice was huskier than before.

"Anyone else besides him?" I held my breath.

She blinked slowly. Her chest heaved. "Yes."

There was no way our gaze could be broken because the intensity of it was burning me up. Kind of like tasting Whiskey and feeling the liquid flow through your body, feeling everything. Squeezing my thighs together, I felt a longing inside of me to reach forward and touch her. Just our hands. Or maybe to feel the softness of a face that was so beautiful. Lips that were shaped so perfectly, as if painted with a fine tip brush. Her eyelashes were gorgeous. Brown eyes that drowned me. I couldn't take it any longer.

I wanted to kiss her so much.

"Regina," and I watched how she struggled to breathe, hanging onto every word said by me. I stopped because I couldn't either and my name was called. Tearing my eyes away from her, Killian waved wildly in my direction.

"Sorry to interrupt but this clown claims that he managed a 75% in the last English exam. Tell him that we checked his grades and saw with our own eyes -"

"This is why I don't like having people know my registration number!" Neal announced.

The wind suddenly stung my cheeks and I was pulled back into the moment.

"We saw that juicy 69% on the mark sheet," Killian said smiling widely, "didn't we, Emma?"

"Yeah," I forced out a smile.

She's in love with someone else.

"And had he obtained 75% in the last exam," I wanted Killian to shut the fuck up, "his end score would have been more than 60% because -"

"In my defense, I probably got the grade mixed up with another subject," Neal held up his hands.

"Lies," Killian said.

Will rolled his eyes and already appeared drunk. His beer bottle was leaning a little too much.

"Look, to be fair, I did remember a 75%," I chimed in, suddenly remembering the grade. Neal held out a hand in my direction and smiled. "I remembered it because he showed me the paper."

"This is why she's my dream girl," he said, beaming at Killian. "The one I wish to marry because she remembers things. She frigging remembers everything. That's my Emma."

I wasn't his Emma.

I wanted to say it.

I wanted to say that I belonged to no one and there was no interest on my part to be his Emma. We were just friends. Really good friends. Buddies who hung out, threw their hands around each other and walked home drunk. We sang stupid songs and argued. Sat next to each other in lectures. But I wasn't his and I didn't want to date anyone one of them. Yeah, they flirted with me but honestly, I considered myself one of the guys. Nothing else.

"Putting your hopes up too much there, mate," Killian winked at me. "Emma belongs to one of us but not you."

"I have no say in this," Will swayed upon his chair and his wide eyes stared at me. "Count me out, like the...south...mouth." He blinked and appeared dazed. "Fuck, I'm drunk."

"Not you," Neal said defensively. It was obvious that he was drunk. "The lady is mine."

I stared. My head grew a bit dizzy from the beer. "Oh yeah? Arm wrestle for it." I loved making them fools. "Loser has to wash my car."

"And the winner?" Killian's eyes were huge.

"The winner gets to play with my hair."

"Done!" Neal slammed his fist upon the table. He glared at Killian. "Man up, you weakling."

Flexing his fingers, Killian rested his right elbow upon the table and so did Neal. They both took up positions.

"Emma."

I turned to look at Regina. "Yeah?"

"Ready when you give the signal, Swan." I tore my eyes away from her. Killian was looking at me.

Crap. Glancing at him. He waited. Then back at her. She gazed at me and was sending this look, I couldn't understand what it meant but something was happening. The beer was probably messing with my head. They were pressuring me to start the competition. And I did the stupidest thing. Grinning like a fool, I gave in to them instead.

"Ready, set, go!"

The struggle ensued and Neal won without effort. It was amazing how he overpowered Killian. I shook my head and my vision was immediately blocked by someone moving past me. Before I could register who it was, her perfume invaded my mind. And in that moment, I can honestly say that if your lungs could quit, mine did.

Growing cold, eyes wide, I watched Regina walk away and lost control of my body. Because it was kind of like my eyes registering her departure. But my brain wasn't processing all of it. By the time I got up to, she had already reached the exit leading down.

"Hey!" I called out, jogging towards her because she had stopped.

Without glancing around, I noted the mobile taken out of the black purse as she ignored me.

"Are you leaving?" I studied her face as light instrumental music played on from the small bar. A burly man wiped glasses, eyes focused on a soccer game. No one was looking at us.

"Yes," she refused to look at me. "No hassle. I'll call a cab."

"No, wait," I reached out to touch her right shoulder and she moved away, squeezing into the wall slightly.

It was shocking. Her reaction in that moment. I couldn't believe it because that sudden move alone made me feel horrible. It's like I was really a disease or something and my chest ached terribly. If she was in the least attracted to me, then flinching like that wouldn't be a good sign.

Blinking, her chest heaved. She stared back. "This was a bad idea."

I didn't respond.

"I cannot...compose myself any longer," the grip on her phone slackened slightly.

"What happened?" my voice remained calm.

"Men who behave like immature idiots," she said, her voice slightly unsteady, "wrestling to win your affections. Is this what the world has turned into? Love becoming a competition? It's ridiculous to sit and watch. I will not tolerate being in the presence of nonsensical adults."

"It was just a game, that's all." My throat ached.

"I don't like to play games." Her brown eyes were fiery. "Strictly business on my part. I handle things professionally."

"Then sorry if I'm not as mature as you expected me to be," my voice remained firm. "Those are my friends. They might be really immature but they're amazing."

She scoffed, clutching her fancy mobile and purse. "Perhaps it's not my kind of behavior to be around."

"Obviously it isn't," I wasn't going to back down. "Sorry but I really like having you there."

She stared at me for a long time, possibly a minute or more. The music played on but I couldn't even detect what song it was. A man laughed behind us and the cheering in the game grew to an uproar.

"It was nice meeting you, Miss Swan," she said hoarsely. "Have a good night."

I was filled with dread because of her formality. The way she considered me with a business-like countenance and turned to leave. As if speaking to a partner in the industry. Going for the stairs, the heels of her boots clicked upon the steps. She was actually leaving. And I remained standing there like a fool.

This time when I went after her, it wasn't because of the lingering thought that the streets of New York were unsafe. It was because of my racing heart and an aim. I was set on that aim. This couldn't rush by without results. Without taking away something because if she left me like this, there was a guarantee that I'd never sleep tonight. Not a wink. And I didn't want to leave us like this.

So by the time I rushed down the steps, she was a good way ahead already. Without saying a word because people were coming up and going down, I followed. I kept about five steps behind and watched how her grip on the railing wasn't firm. Lips parted, she appeared weak whilst going ahead. And when the night wind finally kissed my flushed face again, we both stepped out onto the sidewalk together.

"Look, I don't know what's going on, okay?" I watched her unlock the iPhone, eyes lowered. "One minute we're bonding and then the next thing I know, you're shutting me down."

She said nothing to me.

"I wanted us to hang out and I feel like crap now because I invited you. I'm really sorry."

The wind fluttered black, choppy hair. "I've had enough fresh air for one night." She tapped away and scrolled through a list. "Thank you."

"I don't want to do this," and it was like me warning myself. "You've got to give me something to work on here."

"What exactly do you want from me?" she lifted her head and stared at nothing in particular. Standing there in her red dress, arms exposed. Honey colored skin and knee high leather boots.

"I don't want a promotion. I don't want a raise in my salary," my voice was itching my throat. "I just feel something and wanted to know what it is. And you're not helping."

She inhaled deeply. Exhaled. Her phone was locked. The screen went black. "I never liked public places. I like the privacy of my own home."

"Don't change the conversation."

"It was a wrong move, Emma," she said, finally turning to face me, sounding like I was about to be given a lecture. "I wished not to be social. I have just ended a marriage. I have just managed to walk free again. And you made me feel my first taste of freedom. A slice of youth. Opening up and being myself. I can speak to you without holding back and it does not bother me in the slightest way."

Hands pushed in my jeans' pockets, I hung my head. She's going to tell me that yeah, my attraction towards her was discovered. And the feelings were mutual. This was expected. I was already feeling stupid.

"You are a really intriguing young woman and I have no doubt about that. It is beyond me to imagine anything but the best from you. But I fear that going forward, any other time I wish to...hang out with you," our eyes met, "let's do so alone instead of with...those monkeys. You're quite a smart individual but you are friends with men who reduce themselves to idiots in mere seconds."

What?

I laughed nervously. My cheeks felt so warm, I knew there was a deep blush because she had just basically said what was needed. By me. She wanted us to hang out alone. And a woman doesn't just say that freely, that she wants to be with you alone. Even if she has a friendly interest, at least it's slightly deeper. To give me that privilege of winning her trust like that. I couldn't think straight. Literally. I just couldn't.

"They're really idiots," I confessed, smiling at her.

She smiled back. "This was not about you. This was about such...immaturity..." a slight frown was offered, shoulders hunched. "Unnerving, really."

"It was about me," my hands felt cold and were sweating. I held our gaze. "When they started competing to play with my hair, you didn't like it."

"Of course not." There it was again, that straight face that gave away nothing. "My days for playing doll house has long passed. But I have to admit that yes," she lowered her head and smiled, "your hair is quite tempting to...touch. Such a shade of blonde that stands out..."

"You make me sound like a fancy outfit on a magazine page."

"If you were placed in all those ridiculous outfits in my magazine, I am certain that we'd be sold out every single month."

I laughed and she cracked a smile. A smile turned into a gaze and I couldn't stop looking at her.

"Can I ask you something?" I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just couldn't. This was it.

She swallowed and nodded. "Yes."

"I was never good at these kind of things, so if I screw it up, feel free to stop me, okay?"

Brown eyes blinked. "Okay."

"Am I being...delusional?"

"It depends," she shrugged, clutching her phone and purse. "Am I a cyclops or a powerful, sexy woman with a pair of brown eyes?"

Wow. She had pride. I liked it. "I mean, I don't want to come out and say it because it's this code I'm living by at the moment. But say something to me that will most likely send me a message."

"Tap into your inner fountain of courage and speak up, Emma," she said in that hoarse voice of hers. "You're already aware of how bold I am with my intentions, because I never back down. So equal me or climb above my expectations and say what's on your mind. Go on."

This is a good time to confess that there is a chance for someone to get into your heart by just speaking.

I took a deep breath. "Why do you react that way when I..." it was that point where you lose most of the air in your lungs and you need a refill. "When I touch you," I said after inhaling again, my head dizzied by her face, "why do you...move away or behave like I've got a deadly virus?"

"What a dumb question." She smirked.

I stared back. "Mixed signals I guess?"

"There is only one reason," she assured me. A step was taken closer.

"And what's that?" I swallowed hard.

"So you're the type that needs to hear the truth first?"

"Yeah, I'm that type." I seriously felt myself slightly tremble inside. I was loving her authoritative stand on this.

"Quite unlike the male species who jump after the bat of eyelashes."

My space was invaded. An inch of distance between us that burnt me up so much, I could feel her warmth. I could feel how she was radiating for some reason and it was killing me.

"So go ahead and give me reasons," I urged. "Why do you react like that? I want to hear it."

"The same reason I hired you," she said hoarsely. I stared back. "The same reason I specifically called tonight, knowing Lucas wouldn't be in the office. Hastings, I never dialed his number."

I couldn't breathe. Brain, work brain. Don't fail me now.

She never looked away from me. "Had you not suggested, I would have waited until tomorrow to see you. Because I always do. Even when you're not aware of my presence. I've seen you...countless times. I've specifically avoided you for six months. And it sounds rather ridiculous but everything that you're worried about, everything you're questioning, we're most likely sharing the same thoughts."

Oh my God.

Emma, you just lost one of your nine lives and you're born again. Obviously I was speechless! Wouldn't you be? Out of your mind, most likely. But to form a reply? To actually say something? I think my tongue ran away. My eyes were probably bulging because no one had ever said something like that to me. No woman. And I couldn't believe it.

"Specifically...avoided me?" I stared back.

"Yes. Guess why."

"Because..." I swallowed, "because you..." I couldn't continue.

"Is that enough to work with?" she could actually offer a small smile then blink two times too fast. "Please tell me that I'm not insane."

"No," I choked.

"I have obviously...stunned you," her chest heaved.

"You have no idea," I managed to say hoarsely.

She leaned in, keeping that one inch distance between our bodies. And brown eyes fluttered close. Teasing me. Lips parted, I waited for something and it wasn't given. Instead, her warm breath kissed my mouth instead and I grew so weak in the knees.

"I divorced Robin because I don't want a man," she whispered, never touching me.

I squeezed my eyes shut and couldn't breathe.

"I never wanted a man, Emma. Not in this lifetime. I don't believe in labels but as you would wish to hear, yes." Her lips grazed upon my left ear and I trembled. "I'm seriously attracted to women. And right now, there's only one woman..."

Just as I was about turn my face, she mirrored my move. Both of us moved in dangerously close, so close, our lips brushed together. And I gasped. So did she. Immediately trembling slightly from what I felt, my body sparking up. My heart racing so fast. Our noses nudged together and I waited for the move. Without wasting a second, she kissed me.

Let's just say that my mind exploded.

I took my time, the smell of her making me dizzy. Apples and a perfume that was etched in my memory. We didn't touch except for the kiss. A kiss that was fresh and amazing. But it was such a slow pace for me, barely capturing my lips and still keeping distance. It was driving me insane!

Taking a hold of her shoulders, I pulled our bodies together and moved in. Deeper. Kissing her exactly matching the way I felt. A moan was unearthed from within her throat, and she mewled. Biting her bottom lip and sucking, feeling warm breath on my face. She ran fingers through my blonde hair, nails tingling my scalp. Oh my God it was the best kiss ever. Tilting my head sideways as the wind whipped around us, our bodies pressed together. And I swear, I couldn't stop because I didn't want us to stop.

I was kissing a woman for the first time.

And she was my boss.

Regina freaking Mills.

The fact that my mind barely reminded me of that turned my body on more because this was like a freaking wild spark of my imagination or something. The thrill of having an older woman find interest in me. Wanting me. This gorgeous, hot woman.

I could feel the softness of her breasts, the way we fitted perfectly together. So close, it was mind-blowing to feel how warm she was. Both of us burning up. I wanted so much more and couldn't wait. Tilting her head sideways, the softness of her neck was tasted, inhaling deeply. Savoring the smell of everything, the tickle of black hair upon my nose.

"Emma, we're being..." her chest heaved. I felt it. "We're being watched."

"What?" still dizzy, I studied her face and followed brown eyes that were lowered immediately after pinpointing the onlookers.

The three Stooges.

Neal was glowering, a huge grin on his face. He showed me a thumbs up. Killian rolled his eyes but smiled. Will was just gawking.

"Pay up," Killian outstretched a hand in Neal's direction. "I told you she was gay."

"I already paid for two rounds of beers that you drank half of already," Neal said defensively. "Get a grip, yeah."

"You still owe me."

"I don't owe you shit."

"Why does that woman look like...Emma?" Will swayed on the spot, eyes dazed now.

"Easy there buddy," Neal patted his back. He winked at me. "So I guess we're not walking each other home tonight, huh?"

I shook my head and smiled. Regina's nearness still intoxicated me. I couldn't compose myself as she would say.

When they walked off, heading for the stairs again, I waited until they were out of sight and turned to her once more. Smiling, she nudged our noses together and blinked brown eyes at me.

"I hope I didn't come across as a stalker when I said you were watched by me," she said hoarsely, "did I?" a frown was offered.

"Actually no," I smiled. "Come to think of it, it makes me feel more special because I felt invisible to you. I never saw you but once. Not fully. But from the back. And I felt as if I was working for a voice on a phone only."

"Well now that voice has a face attached to it."

"And a body too."

"Yes," licking her lips, she pulled back and roamed my neck all the way to my white shirt.

"So what now?" I barely brushed our lips together and felt her tremble.

"Two options," my hair was tucked behind my ears neatly, cupped fingers caressing my cheeks. "Your place or my place. Whichever one suits you."

I swallowed. "This time, you choose because I don't want to disappoint."

"Emma at this point, either way there will be no room for disappointment because the end result will be the same so," pulling me close, her lips rested on mine and I couldn't breathe, "would you rather me make love to you in your bed or would you like a change of scenery?"

So fast. I liked it.

"Your place then."

"Good choice." My right hand was taken and I was led to the car. "To the boss's lair then." I was gazed at with lustful eyes that melted my knees.

You would be amazed how fast I unlocked my car and climbed in.

To her condo we went again. Riding the elevator and sending each other longing looks. Keeping distance between us just as a way to tease. Every time she moved in, I held her back and the same was done to me. Over and over again, watching how she sauntered down the hallway, clutching her purse. Throwing a glance over her shoulder to lead me on. The dimly lit passageway, glass windows to the front of me that overlooked a huge chunk of the opposite side of the street. An apartment building that was sleeping, windows black.

The turn of a key in a door, and the lights were flipped on.

As soon as she stepped in, Regina lifted one boot after the other and unzipped them. The slice of sound filling the silence. Her footwear was peeled off and tossed aside. I pressed the door close, locked it and watched the beginning of an amazing night unfold. The way a bottle of wine was snatched from the counter and two glasses upturned. Graceful movements, one foot crossed at the back of the other as her back remained to me.

It was just nine thirty.

I had never made out with a woman before.

Come on, that's the first thing that popped into my head. Obviously I'd be thinking about that. What it would be like. Would she like what I had to offer. Were my boobs too small? All my body parts were frowned on by me and I found imperfections. Capturing my hair between numb fingers, I pulled it to the front and slipped out of my red leather jacket. Resting it on the red leather chair, she came towards me and a glass was offered.

"Why are you silent, Emma?" I was studied.

I shrugged. "Guess I'm still absorbing the moment?"

She smiled, rested the bottle upon the glass table and sipped wine the color of blood. "I'll be right back. Let me check my fax. I'm expecting an estimate on something."

Great. Ah whatever, work always got in the way. But I watched her walk away and wondered if this was all going too fast. If it was even real. Because it was too good to be true. She just met me like this and pushed her way in. I allowed her. I gave her room. And she stunned me. Now we're here and I'm slightly feeling that something's not right. However, it's the same feeling I always get when someone tries to get close. I feel itchy around guys and never allowed them to get in. With her, I'm feeling as if I'm not even worth it and she's really showing me genuine interest that doesn't make sense.

Relax, Emma.

Everything happened so fast after that.

One minute she was humming in the other room next to her bedroom.

There was the ding-a-ling of the doorbell and someone rapped.

I blinked, swallowed and watched her exit the room. Our eyes locked, she frowned and the protective instinct in me kicked in.

"Wait," I rushed forward as she reached for the flap on the peephole. Brown eyes turned upon me and the rapping continued. "Be careful."

"I'm checking," she said. Choppy black hair was studied by me as the peephole was used and I held my breath. I watched her step back, straighten up.

Something was wrong.

Freezing up, I stared. "What? Who is it?"

Her chest heaved. "What the hell is he doing here?"

The rapping continued. Someone obviously impatient. "Regina! I know you're in there! I saw you get in. Just let me in."

Eyes on me, she stared and that same feeling came back again. I knew something was wrong.

"Go away, Archie. I don't have time for this right now," she replied firmly.

I couldn't look away from her.

"Regina," the doorknob was tried and the man sighed, whoever he was. "Look, I know that it's late and you just got in from L.A but we have to talk about this. It's important. And you know that. You haven't been taking this seriously and it can have negative effects -"

She pulled open the door and snatched the guy's arm. Yanking him in, the lock was clicked close. "Not in the hallway, you idiot," she hissed.

All three of us stared at each other and it gave me time to come up with a whole bunch of explanations. He didn't look like a psycho. He was weird looking though, wearing spectacles. Couldn't be some jealous ex because this really wasn't her type. Not someone like her. Then again, no one could know what her type was since she obviously was gay. Was she gay? I still was processing all of this.

"Who is this, Regina?" he frowned at me and then looked at her with worried eyes.

"This is not the time to be here," her tone remained clipped, brown eyes fiery, "you have to leave now. We'll discuss this in the morning."

"No, we're not," he said slowly, shaking his head. "This can't wait. You've been avoiding me for over a month and -"

"I'm sorry," I pressed fingers to my forehead, eyes squeezed shut. I stared at her. "Who's this guy, Regina?"

They both stared at me as if I was an intruder who shouldn't be there. She looked at me with this deer in the headlights look and he appeared completely worried.

"I'm Doctor Hopper," he extended a hand.

I took it hesitantly, still trying to read her face. She gave away nothing.

"Family?" I fished.

"No, not at all," he shook his head.

"An...ex?" the thought didn't run away from me still.

"Oh no!" his head shook feverishly. She raised eyebrows at me and blinked. "No, no. Not at all. Who are you?" he turned to Regina. "Who is she?"

"I'm Emma," I was feeling really worried.

He stared at me. He turned to look at her. Her chest heaved. She gave him this look that clearly said silently, 'don't do this to me right now, please'. And I suddenly got the idea that yeah, maybe this was too good to be true.

"Are you going to say something to me?" I couldn't believe her silence. "Or should I just leave?"

"No," reaching out, she took my arm and had this pained look on her face. "Don't leave. It's not you who has to leave."

"Well if you wish for...Emma to hear of what I have to say, then by all means, let me continue," Doctor Hopper eyed her still with worry.

"If you don't remove yourself from my apartment, I'll call the cops," she threatened. But there wasn't a fiery glint in her eyes. Regina actually looked wounded. "We'll speak of this tomorrow."

"And then the next day as promised and the next and then you leave town, only to avoid my calls. Over and over again. Regina, this is a pressing matter. You need to pay attention to it."

"What's going on?" I pried, looking at him. "Obviously you're a Doctor so if something's wrong then I'd like to know."

"No, you don't," she returned, slightly defensive. "This is confidential."

"Then let me just get my jacket and leave," my throat ached. I looked at her and my eyes stung because she obviously wanted to hide stuff from me already. "I'm just standing in the way."

To the chair I went, picked up my jacket and heels clicked behind me. As soon as I turned around, she was blocking my path, brown eyes obstructing my vision. My shoulders were taken and her lips parted.

"Don't leave. Can you wait just here for a few minutes and allow me to handle this quickly?" she pleaded with me. "It's nothing to worry about."

"Are you sure?" I studied her face and only saw hurt.

"Yes, just something relating to my divorce. Sit down like a good girl and drink as much wine as you want..." her voice trembled slightly.

"Are you sick or something?"

"It is nothing to worry about -"

"Are you hurt?" my voice weakened. "Because if you're sick or hurt then I want to help you."

"Just relax," she croaked, her eyes slightly wet from tears. My shoulders were squeezed. "Emma, please."

After gazing at her for over a minute, she let go of me and returned to where he stood by the door. Throwing a frown in my direction, the Doctor, whoever he was began a conversation in a hushed tone. I sat on the chair, tense as ever and watched them. My heart was beating slow but heavy. And the wine was sipped, tasting like poison.

But the place was so quiet, I managed to hear snatches of the conversation even though it wasn't desired by me. But it was a good thing that I heard because thinking about it now, if that didn't happen then she wouldn't have told me anything about it.

"And your medication has not been renewed for over a month..."

She sighed. "I am managing just fine."

"Regina, you have to be accurate with your medication. Depression isn't a thing that just fades away. And you've had a severe period of trauma that led to a collapsing result. Of course you're going to try to fight this yourself but the medication will help."

"I don't need to take pills, Doctor."

"I heard the divorce was finalized. That's good news. Have you been tempted to use since our last session?"

Use what?

Head lowered, I tried to breathe and listened.

"No, I'm clean. Now can you please leave?"

"I find that hard to believe. Just six months ago you were severely hurt, a drug addict and -"

"I'm not a drug addict anymore," she hissed. My eyes widened. "It was a phase. I was weak and I picked myself up again. I found a distraction. I found something to keep me going."

"So no attempts after that last time to commit suicide?"

"No," she sighed and I felt my eyes fill with tears. "I found something to live for. And after today, everything has finally changed for me. There is something to have hope in and I don't need the use of drugs to get me through what the hell happened."

"Try to keep distance between your sister and yourself," he said calmly, "especially your ex-husband. Keep things strictly professional. Don't linger on thoughts of what happened. Stay away from your mother."

"I'm trying to."

"I see that you're finally accepting who you truly are." I heard her sigh. "Is that the Emma you told me about in our last session? The one who keeps you having faith?"

"Yes," she croaked. I couldn't help it, I smiled, blinked fast and tears fell to the carpet. Head lowered, my legs remained parted. "I hardly know her, but I feel as if she came into my life for a reason."

"Then that sounds promising. Just be careful. Especially after your period of drama. Maybe you should have taken some time away from attachments. To breathe. Don't jump into a situation too fast without fully healing from the past one."

"Look, don't try to enact a session after nine in the night," she sassed. "I'll be in touch with you tomorrow. I'll renew my medication but stop hassling me. I am strong enough to handle this on my own."

"But yet you managed to try to end your life two times within one month, both times you almost succeeded."

"Have a good night, Doctor Hopper," she said and the door was unlocked. "Enough of one private session for the night."

"Oh don't worry," I looked up to see him send her a small smile, "this was of no cost. Free of charge."

Regina rolled her eyes and pushed him out. Palms pressed upon the door, she stood there for a few seconds then turned to me. When our eyes met, I reached up and wiped my cheeks with the heels of my palms. From just the expression on my face, I guess she realized that I had heard enough. Coming to sit beside me, her glass was taken and she sipped, brown eyes filled with tears immediately.

"Suicide huh?" my throat ached.

Squeezing her eyes shut, tears trailed down pale cheeks. "Yes, twice."

"Why?" I found it hard to breathe, "you're such a strong person. Why would you do something like that? Tell me what happened."

"As I said before, even a powerful woman has weaknesses." The glass remained between well manicured fingers, nails painted red. She gazed at me. "I was pregnant when I discovered he was cheating on me."

My eyes widened.

Hers were lowered. "With my sister. You can imagine how that hurt me. I was in Paris, Fashion Week. I came back and walked in on the two of them..." her voice faltered. She bit red painted lips.

Taking her right hand, I squeezed cold fingers softly.

"I threw a tantrum, thrashed our apartment in L.A and threatened to kill her. Then before the media got a hold of it, I disappeared off the grid and went to Texas to spend time with my father. When I came back, Robin had completely removed my clothes from the mansion we owned together and he gave Zelena first preference in taking what she wanted. She was pregnant with his child. Still is. Or...whatever..." she blinked away tears.

"So naturally mother called to inform me that I was a disgrace, a bitch and when I screamed that I was actually...a lesbian, she wiped me out of her will. I couldn't care less. But...I had a miscarriage shortly afterwards. And the thought of having Zelena share something like that with him weakened me. I tried to kill myself. First with a massive overdose. Then whilst in the hospital, I grabbed a razor and tried to find a vein. Both were unsuccessful."

"Oh my God," I inhaled deeply.

"The blood," holding out her hands, fingers were splayed. "It was a bone deep cut. Just here." I was shown the hairline cut that had healed

"But you survived. Which meant that there is something better for you in life to live for." Taking her hand, my fingers wrapped around the wrist that had been severed.

"Yes. Never mind Hopper. I wasn't a raccoon eyed druggy. I was hooked on barbiturates. Pills. Nothing else."

I still wasn't feeling any kind of relief. She understood and swallowed.

"Now, my job is basically on the line in the company because Robin is pushing with the Board to sack me. So is mother."

"No," I couldn't believe it.

"Yes, my days in Dazzle are numbered. Which is why I came back to New York because it's only a matter of time. All my shares are gone. I lost everything because mother is on Zelena's side so she's on Robin's side. The son she never had," she sassed, her head dancing. "Fucking pathetic excuse for family that I have. Extra, has already received word that I've been a closeted lesbian for most of my life and tomorrow, I'll be outed. So I figured that if my entire life is about to be exposed tomorrow, then I'd like to make the most of it and take a chance."

I waited. The traffic hummed below. Horns blared.

"I'm not going to lie, Emma," she said hoarsely, looking at me, "the first time I set my eyes on you, I immediately fell in love with you but had to hold back because I don't know you. You never knew me. And it was fucked. So this is why I have been staying in L.A. Now I'm back and my life is about to crash and burn, and all I'm asking is for you to just..." my hand was taken and her chest heaved.

She sobbed and the sound stabbed my heart because it was so sudden.

"What do you want me to do?" my voice was weak. I held onto her hand.

Regina's lips remained parted, eyes lowered. "Can you just prove to me that I've made one good decision in my life so far? Can you allow me to show you that I am not a horrible person as everyone believes me to be. That I hide behind a facade. But when it comes to you today, somehow I'm just...Regina?"

Blinking back tears, I shifted position on the chair and moved in closer. Wrapping her into a tight embrace, her fragility was felt. So slack in my arms, weak and crumbling. My fingers ran through her choppy hair and I felt hands caress my thighs between us. She sobbed, shook and I just held her. A woman who had been really hurt. Terribly hurt. Had crashed and had almost died. And yet she picked herself up and came through.

"So I gave you hope?" my lips were pressed into her hair. I smelt apples.

"Yes," she croaked. Fingers slightly tickled my thighs, dancing upon them. "I can't believe this. Am I still dreaming? Are you really here?"

"Yeah," the paranoia had faded away. Maybe this was too good to be true because it was meant to be somehow. I just needed to relax. "Crash and burn all you like with me. Because I'm not going anywhere."

"Very soon I wouldn't be your boss," she said softly. I felt her playing with my hair from behind. "So working for me wouldn't be a challenge."

"Don't say that," I held hope in that too. "You're not going to get fired. It's ridiculous. I like you being the boss at Dazzle. It shows all those stupid male CEOs that women can run things too."

"I'm not going to fight it," she said. "It's her company. She's not going to sack him. And I cannot put up with dealing with him on a daily basis...business-wise. So it's for the best. I already managed to get an offer somewhere else. It's not as CEO but Vice President and I'm just waiting to accept. The woman who owns the business is a childhood friend of mine."

We pulled apart, fingers still entwined. "Good, so at least you have options. And no one can bring you down just because you're being you. Plus you were wronged. Not the other way around. So no one has the right to throw blame your way. I'll just miss the thought of actually seeing you around the place if you leave. Especially after this."

"We haven't done anything yet," she said in that husky voice of hers. Fingers danced around the top of my shirt, two buttons undone. Clipping the material, it was slightly moved aside to expose the lining of my black bra. "It's barely 10:30..."

"I have to get up at 7..." I sent her a sympathetic look. "I've got like one hour more to burn."

"I can manage an hour," her husky voice trembled my skin.

"But let's take things slow," I suggested, taking her hands around the wrists. "You're slightly wounded still. I don't want to push things."

"Emma, I have been closeted for more than twenty years now, married to an ass who could never gave me what I wanted. To satisfy me the way I wanted. I've never slept with a woman. Ever."

My eyes widened when she slowly stood up, taking my hand and pulling me up.

"And we have an hour. An hour to explore. Each other. An hour that will possibly stretch onto two or more. Based on our chemistry. And what will happen when we touch each other..."

I tried to press my fingers onto her lips but she moved them, this look on a beautiful face. No smile. Just a deep look. Intense brown eyes.

"When I devour parts of you with my...mouth."

"Regina..." I pulled her close and felt how my body burnt to be touched.

"I didn't even have to arm wrestle to get a chance to play with your hair."

"Right now I want to play you like an instrument."

She gasped into my parted lips and led me towards her bedroom, the bottle of wine tucked under one arm. "Yes."

"Wait," I gestured to the glasses on the table.

"We don't need those. I will destroy your happiness." Her fingers began to unbutton my shirt. "Over and over again."

My mind was in a trance. "I can't wait..."

Crushing our lips together, I believed now when people said that your life could change just like that. Something could happen just like that. And when I was pushed onto the bed, the mattress feeling like a cloud, my heart began to gallop faster. Because she slipped out that red dress . She was wearing red lace lingerie. I realized that I had always been a sucker for lace. Swaying her hips in front of me, Regina ran hands down her hips and danced, a thumb hooked inside a flimsy red lace underwear.

I lost another one of my nine lives.

Honestly.


	3. I Begin To Have Second Thoughts

**Excerpt**

" ** _I don't want to stress you out with anything. We can always order take out."_**

" ** _Shut up and let me handle this," she pressed on, her voice calm. "Cooking soothes my nerves. And right about now, I am severely tense."_**

**_I took up my bag and pressed off the CPU. "After dinner I can give you a massage whilst we talk and stuff."_ **

**_She blinked at me. Her chest heaved. She was breathless. "Yes please."_ **

**_I wanted to kiss her so badly. Right there and then._ **

* * *

I'll come right out and say that no one needs to visit a strip club if you've got a woman like Regina dancing in front of you.

As soft jazz music drifted out from her iPod set rested on the brown oak vanity, my boss danced. She swayed those slight hips and tugged at black stockings that made me thirst for more. Red lace. Flimsy and I could easily see honey colored skin beneath. Stockings that covered well shaped thighs and calves and so much more.

"Don't stop," I pleaded, licking my lips, "take it off. Take it all off."

"Oh aren't you impatient." She came closer and I lifted my upper body up as if being drawn by a magnetic force.

How gorgeous can one be?

Flawless skin and perfectly shaped lips.

Who in the world would want to let go of a treasure like this?

The cool night wind came through her parted windows just behind me. The hum of the small fridge in the room. Traffic moving by below. Everything was placed on mute when she climbed like a cat on top of me, dark hair falling into those pretty brown eyes. Lifting my hands, I brushed stray strands away and tucked them behind her ears. Skin soft, she really was burning up. But then so was I most likely because this was my first time making out with a woman. What she had to show me would most likely drive my mind insane. However, I was in the game whatever the cost.

She brushed our lips together, teasing me. Moving up and coming down again. I tried to capture a kiss but failed since the game of teasing began. The need to seek my attention out and take it away. She was a biter. The type to move in, take my tingling lip between her teeth and pull gently. So that when I was caught up in that act alone, a warm hand sought out between my legs. Toes curled up like commas.

It was enough to make me tremble, shaking from the urge to be touched so much more. And that's exactly what she did.

My ears rang when a hand began to massage that part of me. Just where the aching started and burned me up like fire. She parted my legs pressed our bodies together, nuzzling our cheeks. Smiling. Eyes fluttering close and my hands reaching at the back to unclip her red lace bra. Everything was so flimsy. It was almost as if she had dressed for the occasion, knowing we'd arrive at this point. Knowing that the time would come when she'd be exposed and my eyes alone would be an audience.

It was maddening!

We locked eyes when my clothes was taken off. All of my clothes, well, leaving me down to my underwear alone. And I was slightly ashamed of that particular garment being seen. Because for crying out loud, I was wearing Hello Kitty. Of all the freaking times, and choices, that was the one I put on this morning. Never mind that though, apparently Regina loved it. Laughing hoarsely, her mouth was lowered to my midsection and I was kissed with a warm mouth. My back arched when her teeth grazed a path lower. And lower.

Weak legs were taken and parted more when she chose to dive further down south. So far down, my mind began to scream from the passion rippling through me. I couldn't do anything but run my fingers through soft, black hair when she tugged off those horrible Hello Kitty panties. It was tossed aside and fingers took a hold of my hips. Honestly, when Regina began to use her mouth on me, I probably cried out more than ever before. Because she was a pro. Somehow, her tongue managed to flick in all the right places, making my body curl up and unfold again. Over and over I was sucked. Nibbled at and licked.

"Oh fuck," I bit my lips and moaned, eyes squeezed shut. My lungs shut off.

"No talking," she said hoarsely, releasing her mouth from tormenting me. Our eyes met. "All I want to hear is you crying out my name."

Well that did it for me.

There you have it, Emma.

Let it go.

But if either of us was an Elsa then there was no cold winter between us.

Fingertips burnt when she held onto my shoulders, her mouth closing around my nipples that were aching. Sucking and pulling, tilting my head upwards and tasting me. So much, I wanted to do the same to her because she was obviously far too tempting at that point. As soon as I made the attempt to take the top, she growled. It was like enacting a game of teasing a tiger or a she wolf because something flashed in those brown eyes. And wrapping her legs around my waist, I lowered myself and attacked those parted lips.

Stockings was ripped off, we were naked and I tasted beer. Her smell was intoxicating. Apples and wild cherries. Sweet and sexy. The passion was so much between us, our mouths danced together before kissing. Breathing. The flush of warm breath upon my face. And the way she just kept on exhaling through parted lips.

With every moan that was unearthed from her, I was driven closer to the edge because she was really collapsing from just a kiss. Using so much tongue and sucking on my lip, biting my jawline like a kitten. Could it be possible to dominate but have the person below still take control? She was born for the role apparently. Even from the bottom I was taken advantage of. A hand moving between my legs and massaging roughly. I gasped when she grew rough with me. I stared at her and lost my mind. Especially when not one but two fingers entered that one part of my body that was on fire.

As soon as we connected like that, I mewled. I lost my senses. Her beautiful face became a blur and kinked fingers began to thrust into me without stopping. Without ceasing to allow me to gain composure. Regina's fingernails dug into my back and she began to make love to me rougher than ever. My neck was bitten and sucked until I cried out, obviously leaving a mark later. But it was so good, I didn't want it to stop. The feel of her breasts upon mine, the flutter of eyelashes as she lost herself in me. Just as I did in her. I couldn't hold on much longer. Even before I could slid two fingers into her, so wet and hot, my body shook. With every rippling wave of pleasure that moved through me, Regina kept our eyes locked.

"Look at me," she said hoarsely, grinding her hand between my legs slowly to match the rhythm.

I desperately tried to focus on her, even after crippling from that moment. Over and over again. Just as I thought she would let my body drift away. No. The thrusting began again but this time, I managed to take control. Manning the top, my shaky hand slid two fingers inside of her and honestly, it was the most overwhelming feeling of all. How wet she was, shuddering when I did that. And this time, brown eyes grew dazed, lips parted.

Nothing was said between the two of us. Just the whisper of the wind and heat emanating from sweat soaked bodies. Fingers pressing into my back as I moved on top of her, picking up pace. She moaned, biting her lips, red lipstick smudged. And I moved in for a kiss. One so deep, it was breathtaking. I think we almost fainted from actions of love making that collapsed us. Because from the moment she came hard, possibly harder than me, legs wrapped around my waist, Regina cried out my name. A long note that unearthed waves of passion from within me. She shook and twisted, balled fists pressing into my shoulders, chest heaving. Head thrown back.

And I kissed her neck softly, reveling in the moment by just seeing exactly how another woman could react to my touches. Everything. Even when we sat up, and she grind our hips together; it was amazing. Powerful to say the least. Fingers driving into each other, wetting the sheet beneath us, we came together. Wrapped in each others arms and shaking. Her mouth closing around my left shoulder, trying to muffle hoarse screams.

I don't know when I passed out but it was probably when we lay on our sides and she started to sing to me. It's pretty weird as it might sound. But I dared her to sing Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding because a vehicle passed down below playing that same song. And it was a ridiculous order but one that was followed anyway. The way she sang was so sexy. The huskiness of her voice tingling my insides. Her teeth grazing along my jawline, fingers running through my wet hair.

Waking up beside her was the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced in my entire life.

She was so soft next to me, legs wrapped around my waist. Slightly lying on top of my body, face nuzzled into my hair. I easily pressed a kiss onto her forehead and smiled because the guys used to talk about it. How they had experienced it and loved it. So now it was my turn to become a human pillow. I was literally squeezed whilst she moaned upon my face. Her breath tickling my right ear and making me tremble. All of her was felt because she was still naked. Both of us. And the sunlight drifting through the window as warmer than ever.

It was 6:30.

Yeah, my body had an alarm clock somehow. I either woke up at exactly that time or seven. And it was no joke. Untangling myself quietly and gently, I tried to get away. She woke up with a start as soon as my feet touched the red carpet. Brown eyes wide, lips parted.

"I'm..." I shrugged, staring at how cute she appeared even after just waking up, "just...you know."

"Don't leave," her voice was so hoarse. I smiled. Pawing the sheet, Regina sat up. She scrubbed her cheeks. "I'll lend you clothes to go to work."

"Really?" I gazed at her full breasts and wanted to touch them. I so wanted to do it. But I swallowed hard instead. "I mean, it's no problem. I can get over to my apartment in time to -"

"No," her hand gestured for me to move closer. "It is okay. Really. Come back to me."

"How about I make us coffee?" I suggested, smiling a bit.

But instead she gave me this look that spoke an entirely different story. Silence elapsed between us. I stared back.

"Don't do this to me."

I frowned. Traffic barely moved by outside. Not a sound. "I'm sorry?"

"You're regretting it."

I was shocked from the horrified look on her face. "No! I'm not...I don't regret it. Trust me."

"Then why are you keeping distance like this?" her voice trembled and I couldn't understand what was happening. Suddenly she looked so vulnerable and weak again like last night, it made my heart ache. "I wasn't good enough."

"Are you kidding me?" I moved closer and sat upon the bed. My fingers brushed through her hair. "You were amazing. So amazing, I had the best dreams ever."

Shoulders hunched, her head was lowered, "forgive me. I'm slightly insecure still. About...love."

"Don't be, babe." Pulling her close, she was hugged tightly. I kissed the top of her head and felt warm fingers play with mine upon the bed, squeezing them gently. "I'm not him and I'm not anyone else. I'm just me."

"Yes but are you sure about...us?"

"Is there an us?" I knew my cheeks were flushed. Possibly a maddening smile was on my face right then. "I don't want to be a rebound. Although it was really a hot experience to begin with."

"You're not a rebound," she avoided my question. "I have stopped loving him more than two months now. I don't think I ever loved him to begin with. I started to fall in love with you."

"From just...seeing me," I couldn't quite process it still. Am I the only one who finds that kind of unbelievable? "We never spoke to each other, yet you -"

"Saw you from across the room many times, I stood in my office and noticed you," she took my hand and held it, "and I knew that there was something about you. Something I felt."

"Just as I would look at your name and imagined you were sexy as hell."

"Did I live up to that expectation?" her face upturned. She gazed at me.

"More than live up to it. You wowed me."

"Good," a kiss was pressed onto my jaw. She bit me softly and held her teeth just there.

"If you want to eat me or something, then at least let me take a shower first," I laughed and she did as well.

Xxx

We decided to arrive at work separately because she was already the target of paparazzi.

I stood just by the front desk talking to Laura the receptionist and watched as cameras were whipped out as soon as Regina stepped out of the black sedan. Black hair falling into her face, black shades hiding her eyes, she lifted a hand and strode forward. Even as they belted questions her way, trying to block her path, she moved without stopping.

My patience was stretched because I wanted to run out there and fight them off. I wanted to protect her but couldn't. Just imagine if I bust out there and started to create a scene. They'd obviously catch me in shots and I'd be labeled as a lover or something. Not that I wasn't. Smiling to myself, my heart prepared to say something to her. She came in, dressed in a red silk shirt, gray skirt suit, black stockings and ankle high black boots. Files tucked under her arm, those same files I had helped her fetch out, she hugged them.

She was so beautiful, I was stunned now every time my eyes studied her.

The way her choppy black hair stayed in that style. Her honey colored skin. That walk. The power in her walk, shoulders back. What a woman.

"Don't let them get to you," I smiled as she came in my direction.

"Good morning," she said, head lowered.

And without even glancing in my direction, the elevator was pressed open. In she stepped and before I could even contemplate if to follow, the doors whispered. She was gone just like that.

"I tell you," Laura began in a hushed voice, "I've never met a bigger bitch in my life than that one. She never says anything to me but good morning. And even on best days, she just walks past without a word. What she did to poor Terry."

I frowned. "You mean head of the design department?"

Laura scoffed. She was in her fifties and gray, the bluest eyes ever. "Not anymore. She sacked him last night on the phone. He couldn't deliver some estimates on August's issue and she called him at midnight. Told him he shouldn't show up today because he was fired."

I was confused.

We had fallen asleep just after midnight. That meant she somehow got up during the night and made that call. With me there. Without me hearing a word of it. She was one sneaky woman.

"...said to my Bobby, the woman in charge is as cold as winter." Laura's chin was lifted. "I mean, after reading this..." she pointed at that day's newspapers and scoffed, "this will show the world what she is."

I leaned over the desk and asked to see the papers. Laura told me that I could take it up to my desk, there were other copies. So on my way up, I barely managed to read the first paragraph. The heading was:

**GAY CEO OF DAZZLE MAGAZINE'S MARRIAGE COMES TO AN END**

**LIES, SCANDAL, INFIDELITY AND SECRETS!**

I couldn't believe what I was reading at first. Every single line and accusation sounded ridiculous to me! Things were said that sounded really unbelievable and taking the papers to my desk, I sat down as Ruby shot a smile at me.

"Now having a read?"

My computer was turned on. "Yeah," I frowned at the paragraph and sat down, growing cold inside.

_Sources claim that even before their marriage, Mills was unstable. She has a record of spending close to a year in a mental institution, threatening to kill her sister several times. And even making an attempt to poison her husband with pills. One year spent in Scotland after an unsteady time in their marriage, Mills had an affair with a twenty one year old man. But her affairs didn't stop there. She later cheated with three other men, all in their twenties. Officially labeled as a woman who chased after young men, her wild romantic lifestyle dwindled out to be replaced by excessive drinking and harassing her employees. Many of them claimed that she was so harsh on small matters, it was obvious that her sex life was telling on her._

_But the biggest and juiciest news of all was that she held onto a marriage even though her ex-husband wanted a divorce. Obviously the man was tired of her games and lies. He wanted out. And big and powerful Mills decided to hang on just for the fancy clothes and expensive lifestyle. Note to you all, her shares are less than half of her husband's in Dazzle, due to her mother's lack of trust in the one daughter who began as the successful one._

_Her sister sleeping with her husband?_

_They apparently were high school sweethearts!_

_One sister stealing the others true love out of jealousy and selfishness?_

_That's the talk around town, ladies and gentlemen! So it didn't come as a surprise when she probably forcefully got herself pregnant to keep ties with the marriage. We all pity the loss of the child. But was there really one to begin with? What a cover up! Not a hint of that miscarriage. Just the sad news that slipped in that she was pregnant and had lost the child due to emotional stress and trauma. We're yet to see the proof Miss Mills! Unless you're lying. Just as you lied about your sexuality for all these years. Those poor young men must be in shambles right about now. To think that she lusts after women instead of her own husband who desperately wanted to be with her sister. Why couldn't she let him go? Money._

_Numerous speeding tickets. Reckless driving. Wild sex life. Gambling and drinking. Spending more than expected on crazy deals and fancy clothes._

_The vote of the majority is that she's not suitable for the job._

_Actually, news just in, she's about to get sacked just as she sacked those poor employees depending on a paycheck._

"I mean, do you honestly believe that she fired Terry?" Ruby checked her nails. "Unbelievable. The best guy ever in this building. That was brutal though. Everyone's talking about it. If she wants us to hate her, well now's the time."

They had to be lies. This newspaper article. All lies. I reread it and stared at Ruby. She knew everything around there and would know if they were lies or not. So I asked her. I asked her boldly if any of it was true.

"All of it except the part about her miscarriage. It's highly possible her sister was with the ex way before they were married."

"And these wild flings with guys half her age?" I held my breath.

"Yep, all true. I know because I directed their calls to her, and was paid when they broke up to say she wasn't ever in. She took me to France, had a fling there with a twenty year old who owned a club. Took me to Spain, had a fling with another young guy that I had the hots for right before my eyes. I had to sit in the front seat whilst she made out with them in the back. Pathetic."

I swallowed hard and stared at the closed office door.

"But the miscarriage and the trauma and stuff after she caught her sister in bed with him," Ruby sighed, "that's all true. She was a mess after that. I walked in on her crying in her office one time. Plus she was overusing pills. Missing appointments. I had to get her home a lot of times."

I was still fuming over the fact that she never told me half the story. Just the parts that made her look like the victim. The fact that she slept with these guys and threw herself around. The possibility of her getting in between her sister and the man her sister loved? It's funny how it takes one person to convince you of so much when you want to believe. Because Ruby did that. I trusted Ruby. Ruby was her personal assistant and knew more than 100% about Regina than anyone working here.

If Ruby said it, then it was true.

"I'd like to see which psycho actually chooses to date her after this shit. Any gay woman will run in the other direction. Just imagine the names they're calling her. Cougar is a popular one. Now she'll be called a man eater and a gay bitch."

"Well we all know she's a bitch to begin with," I said, a slight headache coming on.

Ruby cleared her throat.

I was sorting files when the light in front of me was blocked. The smell of White Diamond perfume grew stronger and my heart stopped.

"Miss Swan, did you move my call with Bookers Limited to 3?"

Oh mother of New York.

Choking on air, I stared up with wide eyes. Brown eyes blinked at me and she seriously looked pissed. So pissed, I was glared at. Did she hear when I called her a bitch?

"I...didn't do it as yet," I stumbled upon words.

"Well that's obvious since they just rang me to enter the conference," her tone was bitter. "And I had to explain that I advised my assistant to move the meeting to 3. Now you can imagine their rude remarks after. I gather that one of you has an excuse for this?"

Ruby sat silently, staring.

Telephones rang around us.

"I am not in the mood to have slip ups today," she stated in a stern voice. The newspaper was snatched from my desk and tossed in the bin. "So instead of wasting your time on reading trash, why don't you get back to work!" Her eyes flicked to Ruby. "Both of you!"

"Sorry, boss," Ruby muttered.

I bit my lips. My eyes burned. I blinked and held back tears.

"Get your head out of the clouds, Miss Swan," she wouldn't stop sassing me. I avoided eye contact. "I'm paying you to do a job, so do it or I'll be damned."

Lifting my head, I stared at her. She looked back with that same bitterness in her eyes and blinked. It was then when I realized that yeah, maybe this had been a mistake to begin with. Diverting my stare, I glared at the water cooler in the corner.

"Lucas, fix my appointments before I sack another person today. Now!"

Jumping in my seat, so did Ruby and she scrambled for the phone. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't lift my eyes. I waited when she walked away and handed Ruby the adjustments made to the appointments. Biting my lips, tears escaped anyway and I reached up to wipe them. Hot tears. The type that comes when yeah you're strong as usual, but to disappoint is overwhelming. Plus, speaking to me like that was out of order.

"Hey," Ruby reached over to pat me on the back, "don't let her get to you, okay?"

I shook my head, covered my face and felt the tears slip down my arms. All around us were cubicles. Obviously people were watching and they must have heard everything. She had never shouted at us like this before. Well...me. She had never met me here to begin with. And to have them witness that kind of confrontation, I could already hear them whispering.

"Look, right now she's shit, okay?" my arm was squeezed as she dialed someone. "She's a bitch and she's not worth it."

"Yeah but she did it in front of everyone," I said hoarsely.

"Yeah?" Ruby leaned in my direction. "No one gives a shit about anything else right now than hating her guts for what she did to Terry. And this article. Let's see how she clears her name."

I thought about it and felt like 1% better. But it helped anyway. "I need to use the washroom quick," I said, sending her a quick look.

She studied my face and frowned. "Aw babe, don't cry. Go on then. I'll cover for you."

Slipping out from my chair, knees weak, I walked off. Actually no one looked up to consider me. Everyone had their heads joined together behind cubicles and were reading the article. Gossiping. Even Larry, the IT technician had come out of his office to join the talk. I noticed him seated on a chair listening to Annie, a pregnant woman talk about it.

"Ignore the witch," Will said, coming into view and throwing an arm around me. He was also an IT guy. "Off her knockers, that one. Did you read the paper?"

I nodded.

"Right old bitch she is. Very soon she'll be sacked and we'll see who'll be laughing then."

So I reached the washroom, spent like five minutes crying my eyes out and thinking about the night gone by. I was so confused. No really I was because stupid me had allowed this woman I had never met to lure me in. She had this way, with her eyes especially. To just draw me in and keep me there. And I fell for her. I honestly believed everything she did.

What about Doctor Hopper?

I started reading into his words more and realized that his urgent visit last night must have been spot on. She was probably in dying need of help or something, mentally. Having a psychiatrist seek you out after hours to ask about your mental health? Surely he had reasons! And then how do I explain the fact that she claimed she fell in love with me just like that? Now it seemed so freaking ridiculous!

Men close to my age. Like more than three of them. And then she discarded of them just like that. After getting what she wanted. I was just another one I bet. Except now she was outed yesterday and I was the first girl to fuck up. Now there would a string of girls after me obviously. I slammed my fists into the stall door and growled. Then washing my face, with fists clenched, I strode out of there and back to my desk.

Oh she really harassed people that morning.

We could hear the conversations from her office. Yelling at people on the phone and asking Ruby to find the newspaper's editor in chief's number. She wanted to sue them. I was dying, in the midst of a serious migraine and had to take a Tylenol. By the time it was lunch, I was let off for an hour and spent that time outside.

The time flew by that day, so fast. But just around three, Ruby had left her desk to use the washroom. Our phones rang in unison and when I saw L.A HEAD OFFICE, ROBIN H. calling, I held my breath. Oh shit. Picking it up, I swallowed.

"Good day, you're onto Dazzle Magazine. This is Emma speaking. How may I help you?"

"Hi, Emma, morning, this is Robin calling." So that's what he sounded like. He sighed. "Put me onto Miss Mills, please."

When I realized that I'd have to ring her first to connect, my fingers grew numb.

Where are you Ruby?

I desperately eyed the area, trying to seek her out but she was nowhere in sight. Sucking it up, I dialed the extension.

You wouldn't believe what I did, guys.

It works like this. When someone calls to speak to her, you have to dial her extension and ask if she's going to accept the call. I dialed her extension and because I was nervous, my finger accidentally pressed TRANSFER immediately after. So that means, the call went through just like that.

When I realized what I had done and saw Ruby coming, I felt my entire body wash over with coldness. She stared at my face and froze up.

"What happened?"

Covering my face with shaky hands, I folded up. "Oh shit..."

"What did you do?" She moved her chair closer. "Did she...did she do something again? Did she say something?"

When our phones rang, I almost died. I lost my third life out of nine, obviously.

"Yes, Miss Mills," Ruby answered curtly. I lifted my head and watched her face. "Okay, will do. Yes."

Resting the phone upon the cradle, I was stared at with wide eyes. "What happened, Emma?"

"I transferred Robin to her right away," I confessed, my eyes stinging.

"What do you mean you transferred him right away?"

"He called, I dialed her extension and accidentally pressed TRANSFER immediately," I explained.

"Oh fuck," Ruby's eyes were wide as saucers. She swallowed, blinked. "When you left, she called to tell me not to put Robin through to her. We're in for it now. Geez."

"I screwed up," I moaned, covering my ears.

"Well she wants to see us right now in her office, so we're both screwed." I watched her stand up. Ruby was always so brave, never backing down. "Let's go," she sent me a small smile. "I'll cover for you, don't worry. Come on, babe!" she gestured for me to get up fast. "Before we both get sacked today!"

So what went on in the lioness' office. It really made me feel as if I was in high school again. Standing in front of the principal who sat behind that desk looking seriously deadly. Almost as if she was a volcano about to erupt. Arms folded upon the table, red lips pressed together. I mean, I had been there when she asked me to choose either the red silk shirt or the black one. The black she said, suggested mourning. I had begged to differ since there was nothing to mourn about, starting afresh. So the red one was chosen. I even helped her slip into it, buttoning every single black button like a very kind and considerate girlfriend.

She made me choose the suit too. Asking if she should wear pants or skirt. The skirt one was approved by me because I loved a woman in stockings. It made her appear more sexy. So how could she honestly sit there and glare at...

Wait, come to think of it, I wasn't the one being glared at. Strangely enough, it was Ruby. All eye contact was avoided with me. Even when I kept on looking right into her face, she never returned the attention.

"So," she inhaled deeply and looked really powerful behind that desk, older too, "can one of you please tell me who the hell transferred that fool into my office -"

"It was -" Ruby was silenced with a hand lifted.

"Although I specifically ordered you not to do so because it is too much," she took up a red pen and clicked, eyes lowered. "I am stretched here. I really am. My patience has run out. After that trashy article packed with lies, I am at the end of my rope. I AM SEVERELY PISSED." The last part was stressed on and the tone of her voice had climbed up in volume. "What part of DO NOT TRANSFER do you not understand?"

Brown eyes latched onto me and I stared back without backing down. I stared back and tried to show her how much she had pissed me off too. With her tone of voice, her words, everything. And when she obviously noted my anger, her chest heaved. Blinking two times, Ruby was glared at next.

Ruby sighed. "Look, how it happened is like this. I took the call, and I accidentally transferred it directly to you. I was on the phone with Bookers and they were yapping away, talking about the article. So it slipped me. He called and I slipped my finger."

"You...slipped...your...finger," she said.

"No, it didn't happen like that," I spoke up, my chest hurting because Ruby was really kind and all. But I couldn't allow this to happen.

"It happened like that. And I get that you're having a shitty day, but so are we too. We're all angry out there with you. And to be honest, I don't care if you bitch on me for this, but I can't understand why you fired Terry."

I swallowed hard because Ruby had guts. Oh my goodness she had courage. I should have been the one to talk that way because of course, I was more than ever angry and after last night, she had given enough for me to demand control.

Regina was slowly about to erupt, full force. "You're angry with me? Because I sacked that ass?"

"That ass," Ruby said pointing outside, "was the best employee you had. And you know that. He did his job and did it well for over twenty damn years. So don't sit there and pretend as if you're not aware of it. You're the one who gave him a medal for ten years straight for being the best worker."

"I don't have to explain myself to you," she discarded what was said with lowered eyes, suddenly finding a stack of papers interesting.

"Yeah?" Ruby stepped forward and rested her palms upon the desk. She leaned forward. "Go ahead and fire me then because I've been neck deep in all your mess from the first time I started working here. I've been here for twenty years. I know how you work."

Regina shook her head. "I don't have time for this right now."

"You pretend to be a big, powerful woman but you're just a big ball of mush inside and I know that. It's your shitty private life so deal with it. Don't come in here and take it out on us, especially Emma. She did nothing to you to deserve that kind of tone earlier."

"If you speak to me like that one more time," Regina warned, lifting a finger, "I swear, you'll be out of a job before you can blink."

"Do it," Ruby said flatly. "If it wasn't for me, you'd probably be dead by now because I hooked you up with Hopper so go on and be a bitch and be inconsiderate."

"Lucas -"

"I'm tired of your shit anyway," Ruby said, shaking her head. "I've put up with it long enough. You just don't have a heart. You're probably the worse boss to work with. Accept the article because it's the truth."

"Lucas!" Regina warned loudly, her eyes flashing.

"You'll have my resignation on your desk tomorrow. I like my job but I can't handle you punching away at us when we did you nothing."

"Fine by me." The paperwork was studied again, a pen moving across it.

I couldn't believe it. Her office was freezing. She was obviously some kind of a bear or something. My teeth were chattering but I sucked it up and stepped in.

"I never believed you were like this" my voice was firm.

That caught her attention. It was so fast. She looked up and stared at me with wide eyes.

"I actually was one of those people who chose to believe that there was good in someone. And just now, I saw something for awhile in your eyes that revealed to me a lot more. That maybe you are what the article says. All of it. And if you can walk in here and treat your employees like crap then we'd be better off working for someone else who actually gives a shit. Especially since Ruby did care. Obviously she did. And you just shut her down."

The room grew silent.

I think that in that time if Ruby looked closely at Regina's face, she would have seen a lot more. Because I was suddenly gazed at with worried eyes. Apparently she was cracking and speechless. Her pen was dropped and she swallowed, blinking two times too many. My chest heaved and I could see the pain in her eyes. I could see it all like last night. The moment when you realize that as much as you tried to cover up your insecurities, someone could get in.

"Lucas," she said, her voice severely hoarse, "leave the office. I'd like to speak to Miss Swan alone."

Ruby folded her arms. "I'm staying."

"No it's okay," I reassured her, sending across a look. "Thanks, but I'd like to take it solo from here."

"Are you sure?" Ruby raised her eyebrows. "Because she can pounce and her bite is hot."

"Trust me," I stared back at Regina, "I can handle myself."

Ruby lingered there still and then gave up. Leaving the office, she closed the door and sealed out any other person, any intrusion.

I stared at her, and she stared back. And my heart started beating slow but heavy. Every thud felt through my body. Obviously she was trying to intimidate me or something with her eyes but it wouldn't work this time.

"Wild flings with guys," I began when she remained silent, "Scotland, France, Spain. Guys around my age. Lying to me about that and the fact that you were in a mental institution. Telling me all the things that made you appear like the victim -"

"Because I was the victim!" she cried, her voice hoarse.

I scoffed. "I'm sorry, but if you can't understand how bad it is to find people, sleep with them and then leave, then I don't want to know more about you."

"I was insecure, yes. I know that." She nodded. "I am aware of that. I was afraid of my attraction towards women and decided to take a wild swing at romance. These men were sought out as distractions. And yes, it was unfair. But they just wanted to sleep with me. A one night stand. That's it. After that, I was considered as an old waste of space and I did them a favor."

I couldn't believe it.

"I shut it down, because it wasn't going to work. They were aware of my job in the US and I wasn't prepared to encourage long distance relationships."

"So you used them," I said, my arms folded.

"I didn't use them in all things bitter. I tried to find comfort in someone else who gave me the attention that was needed. That was craved for. I tried to force my attraction for women away. Look, why do you care about them anyway?" she appeared scorned, "this is now. That was then."

"So am I really going to be unlucky number one since you came out?" my tone was bitter. "The first young woman you slept with and then maybe as soon as tonight, you're going to chuck me away? Tell me that I'm not worth it?"

She sent me a pained look. "Emma, is that the reason why you're angry with me?"

"Angry with you?" I stared back in disbelief. "How about you walking in here and yelling at me?"

"Because you didn't do your job and I had a right to demand that of you. Was I wrong to point out your error?" Her voice had lowered a bit. "I am your boss in here, am I not?"

"I just thought and I still think that you're lying to me." My eyes stung. I stared at her box of staples upon the desk.

"I am not lying to you. Emma, I am not gifted in expressing myself," I watched her face and watched her closely. "But believe me, you're not just a distraction or a rebound. I am really into this."

Standing there, I suddenly realized that yeah, she was a problem and I had a problem too. I had this phobia of committing to people. Which is why Neal had been held off in like forever. Getting close to people and having them use you, toss you away. And because she said these things and did these things, I still felt uneasy inside. It wasn't my fault though. It was just the way I was. I refused to answer her because my anger was on edge and maybe she realized that.

"Emma, please consider dinner with me." Lifting a hand, her temple was massaged. She groaned. "Right now I am having the most ridiculous migraine."

"Then take some aspirin," I said, obviously frustrated.

She stared at me, lips parted. That look. The way her brown eyes blinked at me so slowly, trying to break my walls. Trying to lure me in with her cute, sad kitten face. Like a kitten begging to be petted.

"Don't do that," I warned, "don't you dare."

"Don't do what?" she asked in that husky voice of hers.

"Don't...look at me like that." I diverted my eyes and stared at her skyline view. "Stop trying to melt me because it's not going to work."

"How can you even reconsider anything after what we shared last night?" she continued, trying to bring me back in. "I know that you felt enough when we kissed. It was more than expected. Quite unlike anything I have...ever...felt." Her voice was unsteady. "My entire life is crumbling but you're the only thing that keeps me going."

I sighed. Now I was getting a headache.

"When we made love last night, and I touched you, every part of you," our eyes met. I couldn't breathe. "And you pushed me over the edge so many times. Are you honestly going to stand there and declare that what we have is superficial? That I'm faking this?" there were tears in her eyes. "Didn't you feel me last night?" her voice was unsteady. "Isn't that enough proof that what I want is standing right in front of me right now?"

"But you just came out and I am just a woman. Maybe you were just...craving this for a long time, that's why you reacted that way," my voice was hoarse.

"Emma, you are not just another woman. You are the first woman I have ever been with. And it is beyond me to believe that you actually think I would move past this so easily. Can't you understand how hard this is for me?"

"There you go again playing the victim," I pointed out bravely.

"I want you...so...much. This is unbelievable."

"Regina," my chest heaved, "stop it."

"Emma, I'm falling in love with you."

Tears clouded my eyes and I sucked it up. "I have to go."

"Don't leave me," she pleaded, rising from her desk, brown eyes wet. "Stay."

"I don't think so." And I moved to the door, feeling so weak already because that's what she could do to me.

Ever since we met, it was like that. Like I was under a spell or something and she had control over me. Because I had let her in. It was probably the biggest mistake. Crossing a line I had stayed away from for so long. Letting people in so deep, they live in your heart. They take up residence there and the new feeling is so raw. It's real and you realize that, yeah, you're getting so weak from love.

As soon as I got to the door and was about to turn the knob, her hands reached around me. The lock was pressed close and I was captured in a hug so warm, my entire body burned up. The way she felt behind me was enough to spin my head. Forcing my knees to grow really weak. No one could see us because we were behind the door. But if anyone dared to look in through the windows, then they'd notice her desk vacant.

But apparently Regina didn't care at all.

Face buried into my hair, her hands roamed me and I snatched them at first. But eventually gave in. Especially when my shirt was unbuttoned, fingers caressing me boldly. Everything she did sparked up passion in me. From the way her warm breath soothed my cheeks, pressing kisses all the way down my neck. Biting my left shoulder and making me moan.

When I moved back, she came in closer, and I felt the swell of her breasts. I felt how her chest heaved. How she was losing control. But we had to stop. We had to put a hold on this before someone found out. My head was tilted, our lips meeting and I was kissed so deeply, Regina made me lose myself. Dancing on the edge, barely hanging on. Growing so flustered even in the coldness of her office. A hand seeking out between my legs and roughly massaging me. I reached to the back and found how warm she was in the same place after lifting that gray skirt. She was so wet, I could feel everything through her stockings and more.

"Tell me," she whispered into my right ear, "would I be so turned on if this wasn't real?"

I moaned when her finger pushed upwards through my pants, pressing in harder.

Soon we worked up a rhythm that pushed us over the edge. She muffled her hoarse cries into my hair and I rested my forehead upon the door. Eyes fluttering close, waves of passion rippled through me whilst her finger rubbed. I felt how hard she came and realized that the truth had been told before. That I had an effect on her which was overwhelming. How she trembled behind me, clinging on, gasping against my jawline. Black hair tickling my eyes. She managed to leave her White Diamond perfume all over me.

Holy shit.

When I got back to my desk, Ruby wasn't there, thank goodness. So I had enough time to check myself in my pocket mirror. Fix my hair, sniff myself and realize that her cologne had gotten onto my skin. Which meant that the scent would last throughout the rest of the day. It was almost five already and when everyone started to prepare to leave, I did too. It wasn't surprising that Regina never left at five. Which is why even before we met and she was in, I hardly got to see her. She often stayed late.

"So how did it go?" Ruby asked, finally showing up with a stack of photocopies. Resting them on her desk, my face was studied.

"Don't resign," I chose to say instead. "Please. I can't do this job without you."

She frowned. "Seems like something she should say to me. Which she didn't. It was only a bluff, babe. I'm not going anywhere."

"Yeah?" I stared at her.

"I just wanted to rev her up, you know? Make her all flustered. I like when she bites back. I want her to know that I'm not afraid of her. And I'm gonna stand up to her no matter the situation."

"Well you did that well enough," I smiled. I really admired her spirit. "You're awesome."

"Thanks," red streaked hair was tucked behind her ears. "Plus I have this huge crush on her to begin with so. Most times I'm just sticking around to see her whenever I can."

Woah.

"You have a crush on her?" I stared back with wide eyes.

Her cheeks actually blushed. "Well it's nothing serious, you know? But once we were in Italy and we went shopping. And she took me to this lingerie shop to buy something nice. I don't know what happened but I made her try on this nice La Perla number. And when she stepped out, I just was so wowed. The woman is fucking gorgeous to look at. I swear. She's got the most amazing boobs. And the cutest butt."

I actually smiled.

Just then, the office door was opened and the change in Ruby's face was brilliant. Blushed cheeks were dulled and immediately she glared back. Regina noticed her look, ignored it and checked a paper held between those perfect fingers. She looked wounded. Like a cat that had just lost a life. What is it with me and these cat references?

"I'll catch you Monday," Ruby grumbled and patted my back, "have a great Sunday."

"Yeah you too." I smiled as she walked away and was rooted to the spot.

When we were left alone, the entire upstairs cleared out except for Larry fixing the computers, Regina slowly approached my desk. Her eyes were lowered to the paper. I studied how her hair had been fixed once more, after my fingers ran through it earlier and smiled. Because she was a serious neat freak.

"Hey," I started the conversation when her fingers pressed upon the edge of my desk. We gazed at each other. "What's up?"

"Can you please do me a huge favor, Emma?" the paper was held out, brown eyes slightly wet still. "Fax this to...him."

I frowned. "Who?" taking the document, it was scanned and his name stood out at the top. It was some kind of an estimate. "Oh."

"It's a list of the things I bought with my own money," she silenced my questions. "My motorcycle especially. I must have it."

"You own and ride a motorcycle?" I was astonished as you are obviously.

"Yes. A V Star 250. I've had it for quite some time to move around in L.A." I walked to the fax machine and rested the document into the tray. My finger pressed the menu. We locked eyes. "When I get it back, would you like me to take you for a spin?"

"Would I?" I smiled. "Hell yeah! I just can't imagine a girly girl like you riding a V 250 though. I mean, you're all stockings and lace."

She raised her eyebrows. "I'll have you know that even girly girls can taste the wild side of life."

"I'm not going to doubt that." The document was faxed and retrieved from the tray. I walked towards her and handed it over. But she just lived to tease me. Taking my fingers between hers, I was pulled around the desk. "The cameras," I reminded her. Blinking fast, we both moved apart.

Reaching up, dark hair was tucked behind an ear. "So my place tonight or yours?"

"I really can't cook," I admitted, smiling too much. "I'm a hopeless case. Those microwavable dinners and stuff. Noodles. That's all a college student like me lives on."

"Then let me cook and bring a dish over to your place," she suggested. How in the world could she be so perfect?

"I don't want to stress you out with anything. We can always order take out."

"Shut up and let me handle this," she pressed on, her voice calm. "Cooking soothes my nerves. And right about now, I am severely tense."

I took up my bag and pressed off the CPU. "After dinner I can give you a massage whilst we talk and stuff."

She blinked at me. Her chest heaved. She was breathless. "Yes please."

I wanted to kiss her so badly. Right there and then. We gazed at each other and I couldn't stand the tension. The pull of attraction between us. It was so intense, I took a hold of my bag strap and tried to breathe. She sent me one last look before returning to her office. Whilst I walked away, I could feel her eyes on me from behind the window. Walking along the carpet, it suddenly felt as if I was walking on a cloud.

Just as I reached the elevator, the doors slid open and a guy walked out. He was cute. Beyond gorgeous to be honest. With the most amazing hair, dressed in a black long sleeved shirt, and khaki tailored pants. Hugging a box, he stopped and smiled.

We exchanged greetings and the awkward silence between us stretched by for a couple seconds.

"I'm actually here to see my mom. I'm Chad, by the way," he said. "Is she still in?"

It was then when I realized who he was. Oh wow, she really did create something gorgeous even though her marriage sucked.

"Yeah, she is." I gestured behind me and smiled.

"And you are?" He had this air about him, that most gay men had. He was too dramatic in his gestures.

"I'm Emma, actually," I reached up to tuck blonde hair behind my right ear. "Her assistant."

Immediately his eyes flew open and I was studied. "Emma Swan?"

"Yeah..." I stared back and wondered what he had heard.

"My mom told me about you. But she forgot to include the part about you being the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Thanks."

He had charm. A way when talking. Like her. He could draw you in and hold your attention and it alarmed me because I was checked out. I was actually being checked out by her son. This was awkward. So awkward, I gestured to the elevator and cleared my throat.

"Well I'm heading home. So it was nice meeting you." I moved away shyly.

"Hey, my mom can be a bitch sometimes but she's really a nice person, okay?"

Traffic hummed below. Somewhere something was hammering outside.

"Trust me," I said, throwing a glance at him, "I know already."

"Great!" he shot me a smile and shrugged, "she's a huge ball of mush inside. Like a soft cuddly kitten."

The kitten references had to stop. No seriously. As I went down in the elevator, Paws came to mind. She was this small orange ball of fur I had found on the streets of New York about a year ago. Her green eyes were crossed slightly but my baby was full of love. I had to keep her in the apartment all the time because it like a forty five floor building and they had a no animal policy. So well hidden she stayed. Most times, she'd find something around the apartment to play with or sleep all day.

I got ready, making an extra effort to look all nice and girly. I even put on a bit of pink lipstick and a bra. Look, to make a confession here, my entire wardrobe basically was rammed with shirts. Shirts of all descriptions. Plaid ones, striped ones, even one with small bunnies. I had all kinds that seemed to suit every occasion. I had those for work, the formal ones. And those casual ones with cut sleeves and stuff. But it was all about the shirts. There were like five skirts I wore to work and a tonne of jeans. Mom had stocked me up good before I headed out here from Maine.

So already dressed in a nice peach colored shirt, short sleeves, I was just spraying on cologne when my cell rang. Snatching it up from the bed, I saw Miss Mills and smiled. It kind of give me a slight tremor inside. Like two days ago, I would have gone into flight mode, wondering why the hell she was calling ME and about to dash out to run some errand or make a call. But now look how things had changed. She was my boss but my...girlfriend? Actually this morning when I tried to get a response out, it was ignored.

"Are you leaving now?" I moved to the window as Paws wrapped herself around my ankles.

From the time she breathed into the phone without saying a word, I knew something was wrong. Suddenly the view from the window didn't seem so pleasing anymore. It wasn't even considered. Everything was erased and there was only her.

"What's wrong?" I couldn't breathe.

"Emma, I can't do this," her voice was so weak, and something was put down upon a surface in the background.

I inhaled deeply. Here we go. "You can't do what?"

"Noo," she sucked in air and I knew that her lips were parted. I just could picture it. Eyes closed.

"Look, please don't back out on me, okay? I promise you that I'm worth it and I'm not going to give up on you. Just give me a chance. Because yeah, after today I was a bit skeptical about doing this with you. But I'm giving myself a chance because you're not that easy to forget. What I feel for you is stronger than anything I've ever felt for anyone else. And it scares me too. Like you said, it scares both of us. So maybe you can just let me be there for you, even if you don't want to be...intimate..." tears clouded my eyes. "I just want to be there for you."

"Oh, Emma..." she croaked.

"I love you, Regina," I rushed out, and shocked myself. This never happened before. I didn't just blurt that out. "I...really am...in love with you."

"I can tell that it is not easy for you to say those three words. And the same goes for me." She still sounded slightly weak. "I can guarantee you that this time, I am ready to tell you the same thing. But please, Emma. Please get over here and remove this...thing from my room because I don't like them." She mewled.

"What are you talking about?" I frowned, wiping my eyes.

"I love you too. But there is a roach in my right boot and I simply cannot put it on."

I snorted. I laughed nervously, still weak from making that confession that I loved her. "Just take a hold of the top and shake him out."

"Are you insane? I am not wearing pants. Do you want this sick, disgusting creation of nature to crawl up my..." she groaned. "Emmaaa!"

"Stay calm!" I cried, choking on laughter.

"It's moving! It's...looking at me!"

"Tell him hi, he might find it as a peace offering and crawl out easily. Go on."

"You're laughing at me, don't laugh at me! I don't like these things. They crawl my skin. And eat my books. Now I have to wash my boots!" she growled. I heard something tumble in the background and the sound of another something being lashed repeatedly.

"Regina?"

"Die you imbecile," I heard her say in the distance, "die, surrender. Bastard."

I couldn't help it. Squeezing the phone, I laughed so hard, my chest hurt. Really and honestly, she was so cute. The phone was snatched up and she growled again.

"I guess you killed it?"

"It is dead," she declared.

I snorted. "Now can you come over or should I come over and get you out of there?"

"I am on my way. Will my brown leather boots go well with my green dress? I was slightly baffled over brown and black. But since the roach was destroyed within the brown ones, I'll have to wash them."

"You can come bare feet if you want and I'd still think you're gorgeous," I said smiling.

"Don't be ridiculous, Emma," she sounded slightly cross, "I had a pedicure just two days ago."

"Okay Miss Mills," I laughed. I pushed the windows open and welcomed in the sound of the hustle and bustle outside. "I can't wait for you to get here. Be safe."

"It is times like these when I wish I had my motorcycle."

I was promised a ride. And I couldn't wait until that time came. Oh you can't believe how I was so excited for that night to happen. Just being with her, this was going to be amazing.

The doorbell rung and I frowned.

Who the hell could that be?

As soon as I peeped through the hole and saw mom's face beaming at me, my insides grew cold.

WHAT THE HELL!

"Oh shit," I remained silent afterwards, hoping that it was a figment of my imagination and she'd go away.

"Open up, Emma. I know you're in there." She rapped twice. "Open up so I can yell surprise. Don't disappoint me! I traveled all the way here and you're just going to stand there and pretend you're not home? WHAT KIND OF CHILD DID I RAISE? YOU OPEN THIS DOOR -"

Before her voice could raise any higher and embarrass me outside, I pulled open the door and snatched her.

"Get in," I growled, completely pissed already.

She stood back, bounced a little on the balls of her feet, and dressed in a cute black dress, mom smiled. "Surprise!"


	4. The Age Difference Affects Her

**Excerpt**

" ** _If I don't get picked up tonight," Chad fixed his red shirt and smiled handsomely at me, "then as mom says, I'll be damned."_**

" ** _Oh grow up, will you?" Kay sounded slightly irritated. "You've got to accept the fact that you're a good looking ass, and the right guy will come at the right time. Stop throwing yourself around like a bowl of snacks."_**

" ** _Well excuse me for wanting to taste the thrilling things in life." He scoffed._**

" ** _Oh do you mean taking your shirt off and having men rub oil all over you?" she scoffed too, gracefully lifting the glass to her lips, "how thrilling."_**

* * *

"Why such dull colors?" Mom ran her fingers across the back of my brown two piece chair and frowned. "Emma, you need vibrant colors to stimulate the mind! Why on earth would you choose these awful tones?"

I rolled my eyes, pouring a glass of lemonade for her.

This was not supposed to happen!

She had just decided to surprise me and what a surprise because I hadn't planned for this! To show up with a bag of clothes, declaring that she was here to spend three days. Just to make sure I was alright. That I was staying in line with my studies and my job. Wasn't I old enough to make that happen? Wasn't I mature enough to live on my own already for two years and make a living? Plus she had no idea about my blooming sexuality! She had no freaking idea and was about to find out! How the hell did this happen?

Groaning, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to drown out her rambling on about my apartment.

She moved things around, took up my teddy bears from the bookshelf and rested them upon the chairs. My books were rearranged. My two cactus plants were placed upon the window ledge. Then footsteps led into my room. The moment she stepped in there, I stopped her because that was pushing it. No one was going to arrange my room how they liked! Not even my mom!

"Oh no," she said when my wardrobe was opened up. Her eyes moved over my collection of shirts. "Emma, this is too much! Where are the frilly blouses and dresses I got you?"

"They're...way at the bottom," I showed her.

She sighed. "One would think that you're a lesbian from just seeing this. Which wouldn't be a good image to carry around. Never a good image. You want to find the right guy, don't you?"

Here we go.

My pillows were rearranged next.

"You want to find the right guy and settle down at least by the age of twenty five. Have two kids by thirty five and then make a happy family. Your father and I were already married at your age."

I quietly slipped out of the bedroom and paced the small living room. What was I going to tell mom about Regina? That I'm inviting my boss over for drinks? Mom would never let any answer of mine put to rest. She'd throw question after question at me until I cracked. Because whenever I told a lie, she knew.

The doorbell rang and I literally jumped out of my skin.

"Are you expecting visitors?" her round face peeked out from my room. "Is it a young man?"

I moved to the door and swallowed hard. Fingers trembled when they met the doorknob. Brown eyes blinked at me from the other side and my knees grew weak.

"Emma, I have a situation," she stepped in from the moment I opened the door. She frowned a bit. I was stunned by her outfit to even register those words. "My son is in New York and he gave me a lift over. But then whilst I was entering the elevator, I believe that -"

"Mom," Chad stepped into view, his keys jingling. There was smile plastered on his face. "You got away from me."

"I told you to bring me here and leave," Regina sassed back, her fists clenched. "Do not interfere before I -"

"We meet again," a hand was outstretched and I hesitantly took it, forcing out a smile. He was still dressed in that black shirt and khaki pants. "I know I'm the offspring of the your ex, but please, please, please let me at least have a say."

"Chad -" Regina's eyes fluttered close.

"My mom is totally in love with you, and she doesn't want me to say this but she's always looked forward to the day when you two would meet."

"That's enough," his shoulders were taken and she began to push him away. "Now leave and go hang in a gay bar or something."

"I'm gay by the way," he waved at me, still beaming.

I watched Regina move him away and smiled because she really appeared to have such a great relationship with her son. He practically treated her like a big sister. Ruffling her dark, choppy hair and laughing. He was chucked into a corner and their whispers filled the corridor. Within that time, mom snaked her way around me and peered out into the open.

"Are they muggers?" her eyes were huge.

"Mom if they were muggers, would I have the door wide open?" I was agitated with her already.

"I don't know. New York is different. Were you placed at gun point as yet?"

"Really? Do you see a gun?"

"Oh is she a movie star? I think I've seen her face before."

Regina cleared her throat and Chad tagged along once more as they approached the doorway. The green dress she was wearing made her honey color skin radiate. A touch of pink lipstick, eyeliner and the jingle of silver bangles around her wrists. I could smell a sweet but strong perfume scent. And then there was Chad's aftershave. Most likely Old Spice too.

"I don't believe we were introduced," brown eyes met mine and flicked to the annoying lady at my side.

"Oh this is Snow Blanchard," I sent her a pleading look for some option to get away from that moment, "she's my mom. Visiting from all the way in Maine. A surprise visit. A visit I never approved on."

"I don't know that you have to approve of your mother visiting you," Snow frowned deeply. "And who are these two people?"

"Regina Mills," she extended an arm, smiling. "And this is my son Chad."

"Oh how nice! Are you Emma's friends?" my mother would not give up.

"Very good friends these two are," Chad gestured between me and Regina. I sent him a look and he got the signal. "Friends...buddies...bonding." He swallowed hard, eyes wide.

Anyway, cutting a long drawn out door scene shorter, all four of us ended up inside the apartment. Regina rested the white dish filled with a serving of spaghetti and sauce upon my kitchen counter. Chad immediately struck up a conversation with Snow about him being a Marine. If she had a son, my mother duly noted, then he would be enlisted as well. Apparently she suddenly found such an interest in the topic, after becoming a fan of NCIS.

Standing in the kitchen, Regina approached me with raised eyebrows.

"I am so sorry about the intrusion by my son," she entwined our fingers below the counter and out of view. My insides tingled. "He decided to take matters into his own hands. Riding my motorcycle all the way from L.A to here."

I couldn't believe it.

"Apparently he had a fight with his father and his way of rebelling is shouting obscenities at my sister and stealing my V 250."

I squeezed her fingers and we edged nearer. It couldn't be avoided. She was like a magnet, drawing me in.

"But the bike's yours. So he didn't actually steal it," I reminded her.

She gazed at me, brown eyes resting on my lips. "I want to take you for a ride."

"Like now?"

She nodded.

"Are you serious?" my gaze rested on her outfit. "In that?"

"You can help me hold down my dress. I can ride in heels. I was thinking about taking a scenic route, just you and me. There is this place just near the waterfront. La Marina. Have you ever been there?"

Still trying to process her request, I shook my head. Literally I was stunned that she wanted to take me somewhere right then on her motorcycle. She wanted us to get away and that would be perfect. Just the thought of being anywhere with her was exciting, especially moving like this. Plans made on the spot. I loved the rush.

"Then let's go," she gave my mother and Chad a glance and frowned. "I gather she can contain herself within the apartment without trouble?"

"Trust me, she's not going anywhere once she touches down. What about Chad?"

"Don't worry about him. Once he starts talking about being a Marine, it never stops. So I'd give them about two hours. By then, another topic will come up." My hair was brought to the front and she smiled at me. "You look amazing, dear."

"You too, but then you always do." Out of view, I reached out and caressed the curve of her hips and she trembled slightly. "Love the black leather jacket. Makes you look so bad ass." I clipped the soft material between my fingers.

"I told you a girly girl can also be a bad ass," she smirked at me.

"Call me insane for saying this," I kept my voice low due to glances thrown our way, "but you're the most beautiful woman I have ever met. In my life."

"Or maybe we should just lock ourselves in your room and play doll house." The front of my pants was touched, fingers trailing downwards and stopping just where I was already on fire. "Since you've decided to spark me up."

"Whatever you want," I shrugged.

"Let's get out of here," and without wasting a second, my hand was snatched. I was pulled towards the door.

"Um, guys," I signaled to mom and showed her the dish on the counter, "there's food. Chad, keep up the conversation. We're heading out."

"What?" mom stood up, "where? Now? But..." her hand was taken and she was pulled down to sit again by Regina's son.

Chad gave us both a thumbs up sign. "When you're in good company, there is no need to go anywhere else," he said to mom, using his charming smile.

She immediately blushed and curled up, melting from his words. I noticed that her short hair was graying slightly and wondered if dad had seen his first gray too. Dad always told us that mom would get gray before him. Geez, I hadn't seen dad in a long time. He was the best dad ever. Bought me my car, helped me start up paying my University fees. He even helped me find this apartment. Mom just offered love and support.

So we're down on the streets and she literally handled the black motorcycle like a pro. If you could have seen Regina next to that thing. I stood back and just admired how sexy the scene looked. The way her graceful fingers wrapped around the handles and she toed the metal stand upwards. Holding a full face cover black helmet in my direction, I took it and watched her fit on another one. Then amazing as it is, she got on without wasting time and signaled for me to do the same.

I've got to say, riding on a motorcycle with her was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. She was so good, her balance perfect. And I had the time of my life hugging her from behind, feeling how warm she was. So soft. The smell of her perfume as I felt really tense at first but then eased into it.

"Emma."

"Yeah?" I could barely hear her husky voice as we swung around a corner.

"Are you okay?"

"Hell yeah!" my fingers pressed down her green dress that would have been lifted up by the wind.

"Don't let go!" her black leather gloves gripped the handles and she accelerated down the road along the Hudson river.

Honestly, I was so thrilled! The wind licking my exposed arms, my peach colored shirt whipping, the lights that rushed by. But the best feeling of all was letting go. It was like rushing through a moment and letting everything slip away. My mind grew so clear, I didn't think of anything else but her. And when we eventually slowed down near a sign that advertised La Marina, my lips twitched still.

She rode slowly down this dirt road alongside the place, the sound of music and people chatting filling the air. I noticed the cars and my eyes rested on the waterfront view the visitors must have from the balcony. Some of them were huddled together and others shared tables alone. But the place wasn't that occupied.

We got off the bike and she wheeled it closer to the lot, parking just under a tree that was taller than the building itself.

"Did you enjoy it?" her eyes swept over my body. She smirked.

"Enjoy it?" I jumped on the spot because my thighs still tingled, "I freaking loved it! Killian has a bike but it's not the same! Riding with you is just beyond wild. A touch of classy and a whole lot of hotness."

"Yes," she smiled. I'm really a hopeless romantic, Emma," she said coming towards me with a small smile.

I lifted the helmet off and it was taken by her. "So am I. But you saying that after taking me on the most amazing ride of my life is kind of hard to believe."

My right hand was taken and she pulled me closer. "Would you rather we eat upstairs or take a table on the beach?"

"Anywhere, once I'm with you," I wrapped an arm around her and loved that she was exactly my height with heels on. I had on this pair of flat, black Converse sneakers. "Thanks for getting me away from my mom."

She smiled. "It wasn't really about getting you out of there. I just wanted us to have another time out but this time by ourselves. After the day I've had..."

Overlooking the Hudson river, La Marina had a red brick pathway just below the balcony upstairs. And along that pathway were tables and chairs, chairs with red leather cushions. I gazed up at the umbrella and admired the place more. Then placing our chairs together, we sat down. There were only two couples occupying another two tables but further away from us. I loved the privacy and grinned like a fool.

"So about the article, and stop me if you don't want to talk about it," our eyes locked, "can you tell me most of the story now? I want to hear your side."

She sighed, head lowered, her choppy hair falling into a pretty face. Resting an elbow onto the table, Regina tilted her head and studied my face.

"I was a -" Our fingers brushed and she stopped.

For a moment, all we did was gaze at each other, so deeply, even the cool wind couldn't affect me. I was growing so warm inside, my toes curling up. Because she was giving me this look that signaled so much. No one had ever really looked at me like that. And it made me feel really special. Like if I meant the world to someone and right there and then, if she could look at me like that, then I meant something a lot more.

The waiter came before she continued. Tearing her eyes away from me, Regina ordered a light garden salad with chicken soup. After I chose a serving of fries and chicken, she asked if red or white wine was preferred. I said white and she smiled. Her choice was red.

Sometimes you're out with someone and you just don't know what to order. Especially when they insist to take care of the bill. But she made me feel so comfortable through everything, and even after.

"Trust me, sweetheart, you can have what you like. I haven't had the chance of spoiling someone for a long time. And the last person I pampered was Kay. With the entire collection of Patricia Cornwell's Scarpetta Series. The hardcover box set." She held out her hands to show me how large the order was. "And it didn't stop there. I bought a Benz for her."

I smiled and accepted the fact that she was filthy rich. Truth be told, I had never been that gifted to earn so much as yet. Coming from a family that consisted of my mother as a teacher and my dad as a Sheriff, I basically learned to earn what I wanted. Good grades got me small gifts and even when they would give me stuff, I still felt guilty.

"What are you thinking about?" she pressed on, entwining our fingers. "Did I say something out of order?"

"No," I shook my head and smiled, head lowered, "you have all the right things to say to me. It's amazing really."

She waited, squeezing my hand.

"It's just that, I've never tasted the luxury of living a wealthy life, you know?" our eyes met. "And it's like, you can buy anything you want. Have anything you want. And I just don't know what that's like. I don't think I've ever known what that feels like."

"Well I couldn't ever buy love," she hoarsely admitted. "Yes I bought gifts but the actual attachment, having substance in it. No. Not the way I feel about you. I've never had this. And this is better than money can offer."

"No one can buy my love."

"What if I buy chocolates and feed them to you?" she smirked.

"You can't buy something that already belongs to you," I said without a smile, "and I'm talking about how much I..." it was a bit hard to say still, "how much I love you."

"Two times in one day," she caressed my jaw with cupped fingers, "that must be a record."

"I don't usually tell people that," my head was lowered. "I'm not the kind of girl who grew up saying I love yous all the time to my parents. It's just that we accept we love each other and that's it. But for me to actually say it out loud, it means more. And the one time I said it to this guy, he basically shut me down. So..."

"A guy shut you down?" she seemed surprised. "Well what an ass. Then again, if there wasn't rejection, I wouldn't be given a chance to get in." I was smiled at.

I blushed, knowing I did because my cheeks grew warmer. Especially when the waiter came and rested our food upon the table. She kept looking at me all the time and the guy most likely noticed. The way her chin was held upon her right hand. Elbow resting on the table. Gazing at me as if I was so freaking intriguing to look at.

When he left, she moved her chair closer and reached up to shake black choppy hair about. Then is when I realized that a ship was passing by and some kind of a party was happening on board. That became my focus for like twenty minutes whilst we ate. She sipped soup and chewed on lettuce. After our dishes were empty, something weird happened.

Even before we could start talking again, this lady looking like Meryl Streep and a Tom Cruise look alike came strolling our way. I was just admiring the way the older woman was dressed in a red and black polka dot outfit when Regina groaned.

Curling up, she gently pressed the tissue to her lips as I studied brown eyes that remained lowered.

"Well if it isn't Miss Dazzle," the older woman came forward smiling brightly, a hand was outstretched. "I thought I'd never see you after that conference in France last summer."

"May, what a surprise," Regina shook the woman's hand. I noticed how stiff the shake was though. "I gather you're just passing through?"

"Back to France tomorrow. Had to book my flight on a Sunday," she frowned and I wondered why. "Work begins on Monday and we managed to seal the Propa X deal nicely yesterday."

Regina cleared her throat, obviously surprised. "Really now? Was it that easy?"

"Bill caved in at the first proposal," a wave of the hand was given. The older man stood gazing at the ship that went along. "Imagine, forty four versions of an advertisement and still we were left baffled."

"As I suggested last time," she took my hand beneath the table and squeezed it gently, "narrowing down your options would be beneficial. I usually give them four selections. Four contrasting ones."

The smile May gave Regina was a stiff one. I suddenly realized that this wasn't just a Meryl Streep look alike. This had to be the owner of Glamour Magazine. Either Glamour or Femina Style because her face looked so familiar now. And that voice.

"Congratulations on your coming out move," May said stiffly, smiling still. Her eyes flicked to meet mine. "Friend or a sample?" she stared at Regina now.

"Thank you. Propa X should boost sales during December tremendously. Providing that Bill coughs up whatever was promised." Regina avoided the question nicely.

"Oh he'll cough up." The glint of May's red nails were deadly, "not because he failed to deliver for one, that means the other will prove infertile."

Regina ignored the blatant, rude remark.

"Anyway, we'll catch up some time for drinks, I hope. Whenever you get back to France." She signaled to the other man and he came nearer. "Sean still calls me to ask about you. The next time you wish to break a young man's heart, chose one who doesn't have a mother. My son," her eyes became fiery now, "didn't deserve your games."

Regina inhaled deeply. She glared back. Her grip on my hand grew tighter.

"Run whilst you can," she said to me now. "You'll be just another bra she tries on."

"May," the man at her side pleaded, "don't. Let's go."

"It was great to see you again," Regina said hoarsely, sarcasm dripping from her words, "let's hope that this marriage lasts more than a year."

"Oh it will. Just as Propa X will stand up firmly." And without another word, she strode off with attitude.

I don't know how long we sat there in silence. But the lapping of the waves upon the sand wasn't so soothing. That particular sound always used to be so relaxing to me, like brain food. Her breathing filled the silence. She kept on holding my hand and her skin grew colder and colder. And when I believed that nothing would be said, I sighed.

"So international boyfriends, huh?"

Not a word was said to me. Nothing. All that she did was stare ahead, and from an intent study of her face, I could see tears fill those brown eyes. Excuse me for being a bit paranoid but a couple of options slid into my mind. Like were those tears there because she missed this French guy? Was she frustrated with people harassing her over the past? I voiced the third one because it concerned me.

"Don't you want to be with me anymore?" my voice was small.

That immediately got her attention. She turned to me, a pained look in her eyes. "Of course I want to be with you. Don't be ridiculous."

"Then why aren't you talking to me?"

"Because I am not..."her voice was unsteady. She huffed out a sigh, lips parts parted, head lowered. "I don't want to...I can't..."

"You can't what?" when she refused to continue, I wrapped an arm around her hunched shoulders and moved closer, head bent to gaze into a saddened face. "You don't want to do what?"

"They believe that it doesn't affect me. But it does." She was hoarser then. "It does affect me. I did love him. Sean. He was rather younger than me but he made me feel so young again. And we...bonded."

"Then why did you leave him?" I had to know the answer. I had to.

"Because I felt the same as I do with you now. I feel as if I'm way overdue. As if...I'm too old."

"Regina, no -"

"And you'll obviously meet someone younger than me, someone new. And I'll be abandoned. That's how I feel and I couldn't stand it. So I ended it with Sean but he was the only one I felt entirely attached to. I was prepared to move to France for him, to give up everything until someone told me that he was pursuing another girl to get over me. And she was half my age. So by then, I was a...mess." Her chest heaved.

"I don't think you're old," I said, my throat aching. "And if it makes you feel better, I've always wanted to be with someone older. Because with age comes maturity and wisdom and you've experienced the world. I don't want an immature ass around my age. I don't even want anything else. All I want is you because you make me feel so secure already."

"But you'll meet someone else, I am sure of that," a tear leaked down her cheek. "I am never lucky in love."

"I've been with one guy ever. I don't do relationships. I don't say I love you that easily to someone, not even my parents. And I am falling in love with you so much by the hour. Now do you honestly think that anyone else will walk into my life and make my heart a mush like this?" I couldn't help it, my eyes burned but I held back the tears.

"I am so scared, Emma." She was literally looking so vulnerable at that moment, it was like staring into the eyes of an innocent girl. A girl who was about to be terribly hurt by something.

"Of what? Of us?"

"Yes." She nodded. The wind lifted her hair and she looked even more beautiful next to me.

"Don't be. I'm still here. Even after today." I tried to keep my voice calm.

"I come with a lot of baggage. A daughter. A son. Both of them are close to your age. My popularity with the media. Everything that happens to me will be scrutinized and twisted. Added to that, I am a very complicated woman. I am as sophisticated as a woman can ever get."

"I still want you." I smiled, finding it hard to breathe.

"Plus I wear so much clothing," she gestured at myself, "it is bothersome."

"Gives me more foreplay and prolonged excitement."

Brown eyes widened. She blinked. She swallowed. "Emma, are you aware of my age?"

"I don't care about your age."

"I'm going to be fifty this year. Fifty!" fists clenched she lifted them, breathing fast.

I caught them within both hands and smiled at her even more. "Just a number that makes you even more gorgeous. Stop." I pulled her close, rubbing our noses. "Stop trying to give me excuses because everything you say, I'll cut them down. I'll wipe them out. Because that's how much I want you. Nothing you can say will make me love you less. Everything you're telling me, all of it makes me love you more."

She sighed. "Well then you asked for the truth behind the article earlier. And if you're still sitting here by the time I'm finished telling the truth. Then I'll know if your patience will be kept."

"Unless you murdered someone then I don't think I'm going anywhere," I frowned.

By the time she managed to muster up enough courage to relate the entire story, I was drowning in her eyes. Her perfume was intoxicating. Everything about Regina was fantastically sexy. To a point where I couldn't stop touching her. Any move on my part was to touch her. To squeeze her fingers, play with soft, black hair. Nudge our noses together, the kiss of her breath upon my face.

"My sister dated him before I did in college," she began, her voice barely audible over the crash of the waves. An overcast sky, full moon and the tinkle of glasses upstairs. "I was buried in my books most of the time and never had a romantic relationship. Needless to say, romance wasn't even considered. But they quickly broke up and became friends. Or so I thought." she frowned.

"I remember meeting him for the first time during one of mother's dinner parties. Zelena brought him over and they were playing Scrabble so naturally, I was asked to join in, only wishing to return to my room and read. I did." She nodded. "He threw me these looks and by the end of the night, the wine got the most of him. And he kissed me. We avoided each other for about a semester and then to cut things short for you, we tried as friends again. I believe mother paid him to take me out afterwards. To win me over. And very soon, I was considering him as a best friend when marriage was introduced in the picture."

"Forcing one's self to love someone just so that you can please your mother. That's what happened. Robin and I had mutual interests. We shared likes and dislikes. But I never felt that...edge with him. As I do with you. That inner drive to touch someone. To be with them. To have their approval and want nothing else than to see their smile. He was bland to me by the second year of our marriage."

"But you have two kids," I reminded her.

"Yes. I was highly intoxicated on both occasions. Trust me."

I snorted. "Oh shit."

"They were made quite aware of my drunken state during their conceptions and are quite thrilled. Both of them laugh at the thought. Kay likes to tell me that she was brought into this world without intent so her soul must be free to roam without her parents' intrusion. Chad doesn't give a shit."

"I like Chad," I admitted, resting my face upon my left palm.

"Chad was angered by my flings in Europe. Somehow he always caught on with my sexuality, even as a child. He'd purposely ask me if I was gay, even at the age of five. So all three boyfriends were disapproved by him. He purposely blocked their calls and took me to a gay bar last summer. He said I was seeking the wrong gender, that's why I had to travel halfway across the world to embarrass myself." She sipped her wine and sighed. "Sean was the first man I slightly fell in love with. As far as a closeted gay woman can love a man. Somehow I found comfort in his passion and care. But that ended badly. As May pointed out."

"And the mental institution?" my head slightly hurt from thinking about that part.

"All bullshit. Unless you consider therapy as a mad house for lunatics then take that up with Doctor Hopper."

I couldn't believe it. I snorted. "Seriously?"

"Yes."

"That's what they dug up and twisted? These people are shits!" I sipped some white wine because my throat had become parched from anxiety, listening to her speak.

"I saw him on and off for several years. Hesitantly at first but then regularly. Then the breakup, the pills. The baby."

"The miscarriage must have been horrible," I fished still, wanted to know more.

She sighed, pressing fingers onto her forehead, eyes fluttering close. "Painful, if you must know. A death that led me to suicide. But you are aware of that already. So let's digress."

The night winded down to a short walk on the beach, hand in hand. The wind kissing my cheek, playing with blonde hair that I got from my father's side of the family. Her brown eyes always found the side of my face and never looked away. And I couldn't be more smitten. Head over heels and falling still. Especially when she tugged me under a tree and did the one thing I had always dreamed of. She kissed me whilst the rustle of the leaves above soothed my soul.

Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, I moved in closer. She pressed me up against the tree and captured my bottom lip, softly sucking. The way her hands ran up my arm. How she tasted was amazing. And even though I didn't have any red wine, I managed to get a taste anyway. Because she was such a good kisser, so passionate and slow. I was breathless and never even thought of breathing. Our lips moved together, heads tilted sideways and fingers ran through my hair. Somehow she knew all the right places to touch me just to maximize the kiss.

So by the time we were walking back to her motorcycle, I was still recovering.

The ride back was bitter sweet because of rain. Raindrops stinging my upper arms and creating beads upon the helmet's glass shield. Her black leather jacket was so cool to the touch. I wanted to bite her neck but couldn't. And when we bid our farewells that night at my door, Regina left me with another kiss that was soft and sweeter than the previous one.

"Plans for tomorrow?" I smiled like a lunatic.

"You're already missing me?" she touched my nose with a finger and smiled back. "How cute."

"I have a super sexy, bad ass girlfriend that wears leather jackets, knee high leather boots, rides a motorcycle wearing a dress. Plus she's my boss. Of course I'm missing you already." I curled up, showing her a cute face, slightly pleading. "I wish you could stay the night again."

"But your mom," she raised her eyebrows, "is occupying your space."

"We can lock the door."

"And how will I explain my wake up face at breakfast and the fact that we slept in the same bed all night?" she tilted her head sideways.

"I'll break the truth to her then."

"Believe me, Emma. That's not the way to come out to your mother. The thought of us entwined in each others arms throughout the night." She caressed my cheek. "I'll come by tomorrow if you like. Then we can have a sit down and you can ponder on whether to declare to her that you're a lesbian or not."

"I'll just say you're my girlfriend," I shrugged. "She can take it how she wants."

"It wouldn't work, sweetheart," she moved in and pressed a kiss onto my forehead. Our cheeks rubbed together, eyes fluttering close. "Be safe. Sweet dreams."

"Be careful whilst you're riding home because -"

"Oh Chad is meeting me downstairs, no bother. Especially after today, I cannot be alone in public. Paparazzi will eat me up alive."

"Bye," I waved.

She promised to text me as soon as she got home but I fell asleep before that. Mom had already occupied the guest room and was lightly snoring when I got in. What remained of the spaghetti, I placed in the refrigerator.

When we did manage to sit down with mom the next day, I suddenly realized that it was Sunday and it was a religious day. Mom had gone to some random Catholic church up the road that morning. So coming out to her might be disastrous. Deadly. Obviously there would be an uproar.

Regina had on this pair of black tailored pants and a red silk blouse that was really cute. Red lipstick and smelling absolutely amazing, she smiled at me and shook my mother's hand again. Her silver bangles jingled. Mom seemed pretty comfortable with the scene at first but then she started to send me these looks that signaled 'is there something you're not telling me?'

"So you're Emma's boss," she said, for the umpteenth time, sitting there and wearing a pink dress. Her fingers were wrapped around a cup of cocoa.

"Yes I am," Regina kept like four inches of distance between us and it was killing me. I sat with my legs parted then folded them then parted them again. Then I just gave up. She sat with her thighs touching, fingers curled up and digging into the red cushions, back as stiff as a poker.

"And you're her assistant secretary," mom turned to me after studying the brunette at my side with a straight face.

"Yeah, correct-o."

"And you went out last night together."

I swallowed hard.

"We did go out last night," Regina replied with a smile. "I took Emma for a ride on my motorcycle."

"Together," mom's lips twitched, "alone."

"Correct again," I said nervously.

"Well that's nice!" suddenly the smile was back and it appeared as if mom was really in her comfort zone again.

"Well, there's something I have to tell you, actually," I scratched the back of my head, "about me. And it's kinda awkward to tell you so."

"Once you don't tell me you were in prison or you're going into prison, then that's fine by me," our eyes met. "Or you're doing drugs. Or you've killed someone. You have a deadly virus. Or sickness."

"It's not that bad," I swallowed hard again.

She waited and my heart was running like a freight train.

Regina took my left hand and squeezed it softly. Mom studied the move and her eyes flicked up to me once more.

"I'm..." I couldn't breathe. My fingers felt like ice sticks. I inhaled deeply. "I'm..."

"You're what?" mom studied my face and I began to sweat. "You're pregnant? What is it, Emma? I'm quite relaxed from church this morning. And I need to reread a scripture. So get it out, sweetie."

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. And the moment I realized that I couldn't, every excuse was grasped at. Me trying to find one that fitted perfectly.

"I'm finally able to pay off for the apartment and I think that I'm not going to be moving back home after I finish college," I said.

It was the truth! It really was and I wasn't lying at all. But when Regina's grip on my hand slackened, I knew that I had fucked up.

You can't pressure something like that out of someone. Especially me.

It was too much.

"Well that's sudden but it's a good thing that you paid off for the place already," mom smiled at me, wringing her hands. "But you can't stay here all the time. You must come home."

"I will go home to visit," I felt so wrong. Regina had removed her hand from holding mine. I threw her a glance and she wasn't looking at me. "I just need..."

"I need to use the washroom." She got up and her voice was so hoarse, my heart stung. "Excuse me for a while."

Mom watched her go with a smile.

I couldn't breathe.

It's like having your heart stabbed.

"It is really nice to have your boss as a friend," she said, beaming at me. "What benefits do you reap from such a relationship?'

I frowned. "Mom!"

"A bonus every month? A raise in salary?"

I sighed, eyes fluttering close.

"Is that how you managed to pay off for the apartment?" her eyes were huge. "Did she assist? Oh tell me so I can thank her. Tell me, Emma!"

Rising from the chair, I went to the window and peered down onto the street below. A few cars rolled by. People were scarcely seen since it was Sunday. There was a slight chilly wind that swept in from outside and the sun was a ball of yellow in the sky. My palms were sweaty, so I wiped them on my blue jeans and inhaled deeply.

"Well if you wouldn't talk to me then I'll just retreat to my room and continue reading my Scriptures," mom said from behind. I waited until the guest room's door was closed and made my way to the small washroom.

I knocked three times and listened closely. There wasn't a sound. She had to be in there obviously. But what to expect, I had no idea.

"Hey," I tried the door, "let me in?"

After waiting about three minutes, the bronze doorknob was turned and out she came. At first everything looked alright with her. Because she threw me a smile. Brown eyes remained cool and my right arm was lightly touched. We returned to the small living room and I lingered near her whilst she checked something on her Samsung Galaxy. Most likely the newest version. I had the S3 Mini. There was a sigh. There was the silence between us. And then she turned to me.

When our eyes met, I honestly didn't know what to say because there was something hidden within her mind. Something that slightly worried me. It was like looking at a puzzle and knowing that a piece was missing. But you couldn't figure out what it was. Or where it was. Two inches between us and I still felt as if we were a mile apart.

"I couldn't do it because she started talking about church," I hung my head. "And she's really religious. For me to just come out and say I'm...you know. She's going to freak out."

Surprisingly, my shoulders were taken and squeezed. "It's okay. I know it's difficult. Trust me."

I stared into her eyes and couldn't believe that my mind had been really paranoid. Believing that she would be pissed at me. "Really?"

"Yes."

Something was still wrong. I could feel it. I could tell when someone was lying and she wasn't okay. She was lying to me.

My suspicions were acted upon that night when Chad invited us along to a gay bar on Thirty First Street. At first I was a bit hesitant in going because after all, it was Sunday and I'm the type that loves to stay in on Sunday nights. Watching sitcoms like Three's Company or Sanford and Sons. Maybe Will and Grace. Curled up on the sofa with a bowl of chocolates or something with the window open and relaxing. Preparing for a new week. But when he called and pleaded, stressing on the fact that I'd love the place, I decided to randomly act out and agree.

Mom was slightly irritated with my steady absences. But nevertheless, she liked it because I had never been the social type really. So to finally come here and witness me going out, that was news to her.

So I park next to the bar and smiled up at the sign labeled 'HEAT WAVE' in red letters flashing. I locked the car, checked my cell and noted that Regina hadn't text me back since like five that afternoon after agreeing to come. Now there I am standing on the curb, watching people go in when someone hugs me from behind. My instinct of course was to turn around and slap whoever it is. Because the person obviously was a guy.

It was Chad.

Beaming at me, he winked. "Glad you didn't take a swing. I don't want to go in there with a black eye."

I sighed, and tried to regain composure. "You do that one more time and I'm going punch you."

"Next time I'll tickle your ear or something," he suggested, bracing against a lantern post. The yellow lamp cast a soft glow upon him. He crossed his ankles and appeared quite dashing.

I watched him tap away on his phone. "So what's the rush?"

"I was thinking more like massive Tequila shots and sucking on slices of lime," he scrunched up his face, black hair lightly fluttering in the wind. "But you have to work tomorrow."

"Sadly."

"Well you'll watch me embarrass myself then." His phone vibrated and I admired how he had a Samsung Galaxy too.

Heels clicked behind me and those brown eyes of his latched onto someone else. Immediately I thought it was Regina because something was felt. Like a pull. And when I turned around, you wouldn't believe who it was.

"Kay!" Chad moved forward and wrapped his arms around her whilst I stared.

WHAT THE...

I was literally dumbfounded when my eyes rested on her. Because she was like a younger version of her mother! The same choppy hair, intense brown eyes, same face features. She was slim with slight hips, knee high brown leather boots, a black leather jacket and a simple brown tank top with black skinny jeans.

As soon as she saw me, we couldn't stop looking at one another because she had the same kind of eyes that lured you in and kept your attention. He whispered something into her ear and they both smiled, their eyes roaming my figure. Immediately, she stepped forward.

"So this is Emma," her head danced as the wind lifted brown hair. "Miss Swan..."

"Hey," I smiled, finding it hard to breathe somewhat because...beat me with a stick but she was was gorgeous.

"Don't worry," she rubbed my right shoulder and blinked. "Relax. We're not here to interrogate you or anything. Just a night out. Hanging. I need it." Chad became her focus now. "After finals, would you believe that I crave some way to release my stress? Locked up inside that horrible place, studying."

But he was looking at me and giving me this smile that I couldn't stomach.

"Hopefully mom takes a few Tequila shots as well," Chad said whilst I looked away and tried to gather some freaking composure.

"Like where is she?" Kay glanced around, that same scowl on her face just like Regina. "I swear, she's never late for her meetings but always shows up like half an hour after we call her."

"She's probably putting on her face for Emma."

Both of them turned to me again and I was studied in silence.

By the time Regina showed up, I was literally regretting this to begin with. Because how the hell could I handle this? Especially with him sending me these looks and Kay taking me back in time, forcing my mind to wonder if her mother looked like this when she was younger. And why was I suddenly staring at her a little too longer than expected? Why was her honey colored skin so flawless? Oh no, Emma. No, no, no. Look away.

"Sorry I'm late," Regina showed up half an hour later, completely breathless.

Chad stared her down. "What the hell happened to you, mom?"

She pointed to her motorcycle parked near the others. Her chest heaved. "I rode."

"Well you look as if you walked here, geez." Kay scrutinized her mother's outfit, lips pursed. "And what the heck are you wearing, mother? You look as if you're about to enter a meeting or something."

But I thought she looked fantastic dressed in a purple shirt, black leather jacket and black jeans. Those black ankle high boots were back again.

"Give me a break," Regina said warily. She turned in my direction and wrapped an arm around me. "Hey, Emma." A kiss was pressed onto my left cheek.

"Oh for the love of New York," Kay threw up her hands, "let's get inside before the freaking sky falls down. Standing out here like a pack of weirdos."

When they went ahead, I pulled Regina back and we stopped. People moved past us and the bouncer was frisking Kay who began to give him a hard time, asking if he wanted to see her boobs too, even though they were just a handful.

"You didn't tell me both of them were here," I pointed out. "Suddenly we hook up and both of them are here, showing up all the time?"

My hair was tucked behind my ears and she sighed. "Kay just showed up. Apparently she and Chad have plans to visit Miami soon but they're spending a week here in New York. Just to be with me."

"Look, I don't have a problem with them being here. But it feels kind of weird."

She frowned. "Sweetheart, they just wanted to meet you. That's all. Besides you're all around the same age so that shouldn't be a challenge."

"That's my point," I said, "I'm around their age and I'm dating their mother, for crying out loud."

I said it and I regretted it because something changed in her brown eyes. A look of complete hurt washed over her face. The grip on my shoulder was released and our gaze was broken. Suddenly a coldness washed over me from that reaction and I wanted to take what was said back. Without saying a word to me, she began to walk away.

"Regina, I didn't mean that," I caught up with her by the door. "Not the way you think."

"Then what does that mean exactly?" her voice was firm. She stopped. "Because it sounded as though you lied last night about accepting everything about me."

"No, you're just thinking like that but it's not true," I reassured her. I tried to touch her and she was stiff. "What I meant is that they might look at me funny for dating their mom, especially since they're like around my age."

"Neither of them has a problem with that. They accept whoever I choose without questions." She was slightly bitter to me and I was slowly becoming affected by it.

"Yeah but you can't expect me to know that all of a sudden, especially after I just met them." I stared back at her. "What the hell was I supposed to think? That they'd accept me so suddenly?"

She inhaled deeply. "My children accept me regardless of what path I choose. Hence why they are here after I came out publicly. Trying to boost me up, instead of siding with their father." Our eyes never broke a stare filled with so much feelings. "If you have a problem with any of this then let's reassess what is happening between us."

"Okay," my throat ached. "Fine." I nodded and looked away.

"And if you have a problem with my age then -"

"I don't have a problem with your age!" I cried hoarsely. I was so frustrated with her sudden doubt in me that it was ridiculous. "If you don't believe me then maybe you're the one who has the problem." And stepping up, I allowed the beefy guy to frisk me whilst she watched. Then when I was done, my footsteps led through the door and inside.

Chad and Kay were already seated by the bar upon a blue leather chair. I slid into the seat opposite them and forced out a smile because they both looked at me with the same expression.

"So what's the order?" he winked as Kay asked for a Martini. "Water, soda, lemonade, or beer?"

"Whatever you're having," I said boldly.

I was given a look of disbelief and he smiled. "Well let's get the rounds started! To hell with hangovers. I have the perfect remedy anyway."

Regina came in and sat next to me, hugging her small brown handbag. I suddenly felt really uneasy inside because for me to snap at her like that, it wasn't something that was expected. I really loved her but she just couldn't accept the fact that I spoke the truth without changing my words. Paranoia was eating us up and we were both being affected by it.

She ordered a glass of Bourbon and Kay sipped on her Martini whist studying her mother in silence.

"If I don't get picked up tonight," Chad fixed his red shirt and smiled handsomely at me, "then as mom says, I'll be damned."

"Oh grow up, will you?" Kay sounded slightly irritated. "You've got to accept the fact that you're a good looking ass, and the right guy will come at the right time. Stop throwing yourself around like a bowl of snacks."

"Well excuse me for wanting to taste the thrilling things in life." He scoffed.

"Oh do you mean taking your shirt off and having men rub oil all over you?" she scoffed too, gracefully lifting the glass to her lips, "how thrilling."

"Now I'm so turned on." Turning around, he hoisted himself out of the seat and stood up behind it. Then gently flipping his hair to one side, Chad sauntered away after downing a shot of Tequila.

After like twenty minutes with none of us talking, Kay stared at me. I rested my back upon the wall of the counter where the drinks were served. That means, my eyes were directly facing her mother. But the person in question was staring at her daughter just as the latter was staring at me. It was kind of weird to look at. The fact that she had basically photocopied herself and they shared so many similarities.

"So what kind of books are you into, Emma?" her voice wasn't as hoarse but firm. Kay stared at me still.

"Um," I shrugged, thinking about it. "Mostly the classics. Jane Austen, the Brontes, a bit of Crime and Mystery."

Brown eyes widened with every word spoken by me. "Oh my God," blinked twice. "Me too!"

I smiled as she slid into the seat, and closer to me on the other side. "So that means you've read Pride and Prejudice."

"Only like a million times," I confessed. "You?"

"Same." Her chin was held upon her hand and she smiled widely, "favorite version of the movie adaption?"

"The one with Keira Knightley but the others weren't that bad." She really was captivated by the topic. Regina turned to face us slightly and sent me a look of remorse, one that signaled that she was really sorry. And that look on her face squeezed my heart.

"Did you see the alternate ending, Emma?" Kay pressed on, moving in her seat as if she was really entertained by the subject. "The one when they were by the lake and he kissed her all over?"

"Yeah," I tore my eyes away from her mother and smiled.

"Jane Eyre wasn't bad either. I've started reading it again since finals finished..."

"Rochester is such an old hag though," I said to her, and she smiled widely again. "I never liked him and I really prefer Darcy from the classics. Darcy and Mister Knightley."

"That's right! So if I should judge your character right now, who would you say you're most like from the books?"

I thought about it and accepted another shot of Tequila whilst Regina wouldn't stop looking at me. "I've got to say that I'm a bit of Lizzie and...maybe...Jane Bennet? But more like Lizzie. Well mostly like Lizzie."

"Ah," she seemed intrigued. "Really playful but composed when needed. I like that. How about romantic wise?"

"Definitely Lizzie," I confessed. "I find it hard to fall in love but when I do, I can't let go."

"Aww," she looked at Regina and tilted her head. "Well I've got to admit that you were luckier this time. She's a keeper."

"I know," both Regina and me said and we stared at each other whilst Kay was briefly forgotten of.

"You should give Patricia Cornwell a go some time," Kay suggested. "She's good."

"I already read her Scarpetta series and loved it," I smiled bashfully and shrugged. Her eyes grew as wide as saucers. "Just waiting on the next book as always."

"Are you for real? Wow, I swear, I've never met another Scarpetta fan! She's amazing, isn't she?"

"Totally amazing. But I find that Lucy is pissing me off as of recent..."

We talked about books for like an hour whilst a certain someone remained quiet. I thought that she'd love me bonding with her daughter. I really thought that's what it was. Because every time our eyes met, she'd smile at me. What I didn't see was how my face was studied when Kay and I were deeply intrigued by some other book. I was studied and I barely managed to catch this look on her face that signaled that something was still wrong.

When she got up to use the washroom, Chad came back, all sweaty and obviously high. Barely swaying on the spot, he sniffed his right wrist and held it out under Kay's nose.

"Smell this."

"Eew!" she lashed his hand away and scowled. "Don't wave your man scents under my nose, you twat."

I laughed and he did too. Then we all erupted into laughter.

"Where's mom?" he glanced around and frowned.

"Using the washroom. Probably powdering her face or something." Kay snatched his wrist and sniffed it. Then her eyes fluttered close. "What in the world is that?"

"This guy," he gestured to the dance floor, "he's giving everyone a spray on their wrist if he thinks you're hot. So naturally," he smiled, "I was marked proudly."

All of a sudden, I was pulled towards the dance floor by Chad. Then whilst some random guy tugged him away, Kay and I were left alone. And because I was so intoxicated, everything just appeared so colorful and brighter. Her hair was so beautiful, I asked to have a touch and received a nod.

"I can't dance really," she admitted, shyly standing there with this cute expression on her face, "I prefer to watch or to engage in conversation."

"Oh come on," I laughed and rested my hands upon her shoulders, trying to move us in time with the music. "It's not so bad. Just relax and feel the music."

"I'm feeling it but my body can't keep up, you know?" She lightly brushed my blonde hair behind an ear and smiled.

"You need more than one Martini then."

"Two Martinis?" she frowned. "I guess I can manage it since I don't have to work or anything tomorrow."

Chad began to lead a line around the dance floor, four buttons on his shirt undone. These guys who were shirtless followed and I found myself laughing too much. Feeling too tipsy and forgetting a lot more than expected. Especially when Kay pulled me closer, I didn't check my actions. Really I didn't. And she didn't do anything out of order. It's not like I was asked silently to do anything. But I found myself resting our foreheads together and we danced.

When the place around me span dangerously, my eyes were squeezed shut. It's then when I somehow imagined myself dancing with Regina and I held the next best thing a little too close. Our cheeks were rested together, that much I remember. And then everything else was a blur.

I woke up the following morning at ten minutes to eight. Bad headache. The room swung. And my insides drained out when the bookcase was noticed. The red leather chairs. The small bar. I silently screamed when the red carpet was felt beneath me.

Kay pulled me closer.

I smelt like her.

I tasted watermelon on my lips.

She wasn't fully dressed and neither was I.

Chad was nowhere to be seen and oh my God, I was late for work.

Sitting up with wide eyes, I couldn't breathe.

I had really done it this time.


	5. The Ex-Husband Shows Up

**Excerpt:**

" _You sound like Kay there," he said smiling. "Finding your one and only. Ron plans to propose to her in Miami, which is why he's coming on this trip..."_

_I stared at him in disbelief. "Really?"_

" _Yeah! The dork has courage. Look, are you sure you don't want to come with us? It will be so much fun."_

" _I can't right now," I said, staring across the street again. "She needs me more than ever. If she was going...then...but I doubt it. Plus, it would only prove to her that I'm making some move to get over this. And I can't. I think I'll just stay here and try to get in."_

" _We're leaving tomorrow night actually," he said, looking at me. "I know we promised to stay a week and all. But we're moving things up a bit. Just to get a little extra time. Gosh," he kicked the ground. "I'd really love for you and mom to come along."_

* * *

I pushed myself off the ground and felt entirely wrong. Almost as if I wasn't in the room at all but was somehow not in control of my actions. The room swung and there wasn't a sound. Not a sound. Which was surprising because at almost eight in the morning, traffic surely would be moving by down on the street.

But I felt things. I felt the carpet. I felt her arms wrapped around me.

So it was strange. My shirt wasn't anywhere to be seen and my vision was blurry. My mouth was dry as chalk. I finally wondered if somehow, this was what it felt like to have a Tequila hangover. Somehow I had separated myself from my body and was dying somehow.

But nothing had happened.

I remembered us dancing. That's all we did. Nothing else. She told me about this guy she was seeing and we talked about books. Not that I could remember, to be honest. Nothing at all. Just dancing. A lot of dancing and shots. I remembered Regina joining us later on and my hair was played with. There was the jingle of silver bangles just near my ears. I remembered that. She kept telling me smiling down at me. I was lying on the chair, my head in her lap whilst Kay and Chad sang along to Kesha's 'Die Young'. But waking up beside Kay? Oh what the hell did I do?

So somehow, as fuzzy headed as I was, stupid Emma moved to the door of the condo. Hand on the knob, I turned it without even having control of my freaking actions. This was like a completely new hangover. The kind of hangover that took control of your body and made you do things without asking. I took a hold of the knob and turned. And when the door was pulled open, I stepped outside.

Then what the hell happened afterwards was the most horrifying thing ever.

I took one step outside and the ground disappeared under my feet. Literally. Plunging me into a sink hole like Alice falling into Wonderland. Arms flailing, my throat grew raw from screaming and I clawed at air. I was horrified! I fell deeper and deeper, and realized that yeah, New York buildings had shitty enough infrastructures to create sink holes outside your door.

"Emma..." my shoulders were taken a hold of and someone was shaking me. "Wake up, Emma."

I kept falling, eyes wide.

"Wake up," the person kept saying, "come back..."

Suddenly, I blinked and stared into a brown pair of eyes. The smell of something horrible hit me like a train and I choked, squeezing my eyes shut again. Light also blinded me and I was wet.

"Bad dream, sweetheart," her hoarse voice seeped into my mind filled with cobwebs. "Come on," a hand was slipped behind my head and her warmth suddenly soothed me. She brought my lips closer to the glass. "Drink this."

I did and the bitterness felt like acid in my mouth. Coughing, a mouthful was swallowed and still she urged me to drink more. By the time the entire glass was empty, I was wrapped in her arms. And she stroked my hair, our legs entwined between the sheets.

"Never," Regina kept her lips close to my left ear, "drink Tequila again. Some can stomach it, a brave few without having massive hangovers. And those like you and me, well..." I felt our fingers entwine and she squeezed mine. "We simply must stay away from such poisons."

"What happened?" I was so hoarse. My head ached so much. I squeezed my eyes shut and groaned.

"Well after you bonded with my daughter, the two of you danced. And then Chad fed you too many shots of Tequila whilst Kay was whisked away by another young man who had obvious intentions. You began dancing quite...nicely, by yourself as I watched" she nodded. I heard her laugh, "and then all hell broke loose. Kay slapped the ass. Chad punched him around a couple of times. And we settled in the corner to cool down. By that time, you were literally as drunk as fuck."

I smiled through my migraine and it felt like slicing a wound on my head.

"So deciding that taking you home in that condition would color me as a horrible girlfriend in your mother's eyes," she sighed. "I brought you here instead. You drifted off even before Chad and I brought you in. I hope you don't mind. Kay drove your car."

All of it. Was not real. Couldn't be real. Because of that horrible dream. And maybe I was still dreaming! Maybe this was another dream and soon I'd wake up to find myself on the carpet again.

"Don't worry, my love," she pressed a kiss onto my forehead and squeezed me like a teddy bear, "you'll feel better in about an hour. It's already seven thirty so I'll alert Ruby on you being an hour late. Will you be able to get in at nine?"

I groaned. I was still brain dead.

"Will you be able to even get into the office at all for the day?" She peered into my face and I was reminded again why I was completely in love with her. Somehow, she knew how to touch me in the most amazing ways. Like right now. She just wouldn't give up. Being my boss and sparing me an hour. How cute was that? "Would you like a day off instead? Are you capable of replying?"

"Thanks." My mouth was still dry. "I'll try to get in."

"Well even if you don't, then please call me and let me know." Detaching herself from me, I noticed that she was fully dressed already. "Watch me whilst I put on my face then."

I pushed myself up and tried to focus on her but couldn't. Dizziness forced me to lie back down and I groaned. "I think I'm going to die."

She laughed. I heard traffic down on the street below and welcomed the sound. "Oh don't be a hopeless case. I've been there several times. At least you didn't wake up with a stranger next to you."

My eyes flew open and I stared up at her ceiling fan.

"Thank goodness Robin left me with at least one good thing," I heard things move in her makeup bag as she pawed around inside. "The remedy for hangovers. Tequila, vodka and whatever else. Don't ask though. You do not want to know what was in that concoction I brewed up."

It was a dream. Thank goodness because Kay and I hadn't done anything out of line. I never wanted to be with her like that to begin with. All she was, was another attractive girl. And I was just admiring how Regina made a photocopy of herself. For anyone to think otherwise between us would be gross because that would be completely out of line. Sleeping with my girlfriend's daughter?

What kind of a shitty move is that?

Even if I was drunk, that would have never happened. Never, because I didn't sleep around like that. I stopped things before they got far. And it's horrible to believe that my mind was so freaking shocked when I woke up beside Kay. Because I was really mortified. Wondering what the hell had happened.

It's like this time Killian and Neal had a massive argument over a girl Killian was dating. They were together for like three years. Will and Neal harassed Killian because he said one night that the bartender at Quizos was attractive.

I remembered them teasing him, asking if because she was attractive, that meant he wanted to sleep with her.

What the hell was wrong with them I don't know! Because like Killian, I was committed to someone. I was in this already with someone. And I honestly don't think my mind should feel guilty about hanging with Kay because nothing would happen. She wasn't my type because she was my age. End of story. I'd never go there. Ever. What I wanted was someone way mature, someone who had her head on, with a tank full of sass. And that person was Regina.

Somehow, I fell asleep again and woke up around eleven. I woke up to the sound of music playing outside the bedroom door, Avril Lavigne's 'Girlfriend'. So finally crawling out of bed, the door was slightly pulled open. And when I peeked out, Chad was doing a full dance routine to the lyrics, hand movements and everything. With every sway of his head, his butt moved, and Kay danced from the kitchen where she was preparing something.

"She's like soo whatever, and you could do so much better... Hey! Hey!" he jumped around the place with a can of Coke in his hand.

I barely showed myself and Kay waved. "I know you talk about me all the time again and again!" she mouthed and laughed.

Chad pulled me out of the room and twirled me around. "Hey! Hey! You, you, I don't like your girlfriend. I can be your girlfriend!" he held my waist and began dancing.

"Dude! Your piece is coming up!" Kay reminded him. And he separated himself then grabbed a wooden spoon.

"In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger. Cause I can, cause I can do it better," his hips swayed. "There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in? She's so stupid what the hell were you thinking?"

As soon as Kay jumped in to join him, I stood back and watched them mirror each others moves. They were so crazy! Even I wasn't that bad ass and from just watching them dancing, I realized that they'd be the coolest friends ever on the planet. Ever. Especially Chad. He definitely was a wild soul. And they hardly resembled each other which made me think that Chad looked like Robin.

When the song switched and Taylor Swift's 'Shake it off' came on, he continued to move about the condo with the spoon and the can of Coke. Kay and I watched him go and I checked out what she was doing. It looked as if she was cooking which was shameful on me. Because I couldn't cook to save my life.

"Oh don't worry," she smiled at me, "I'm not an expert. Mom is the mother of all cooks. I'm just trying to whip up something healthy before we binge on junk food for the rest of the week."

I actually laughed and grabbed a stool.

"Hangover gone?" she frowned, mixing cubes of tomato and lettuce together.

"Yeah," I ran my fingers through my hair, head lowered. "Thank God. Was it a train wreck for you too?"

"If?" her eyes were huge. "Dude, I woke up and felt as if I was buried in a freaking pile of mud! We had the most fucked up night ever last night," she reminded me. "Please forget it. All of it. If you remember anything, that is."

Stealing a cube of tomato, she began to dance all of a sudden, moving to the sink.

"Remember we danced?" she turned to me whilst soaping a glass dish and swayed her hips, laughing in the process. "I'm trying to loosen up a bit. But after that guy moved in, I was like, where the hell is Emma? I need her to rescue me! And then Chad showed up and punched his lights out. Mom was basically embarrassed by our behavior. You've got moves though." She pointed a spoon at me.

Somehow Chad switched his iPod to some Romanian dance music and his hips were moving a lot now.

Kay was really playful. I liked that about her. She was really a teaser. Dishing out a bowl of salad for me, she reached over and rubbed some dressing on my lips and I batted her hand away. Laughing, hands wrapped around me and I was pulled away with Chad.

"Ninaaa," he sang, twirling me on the spot, "oh mi ninaa. Tu es muy linda. Ninaa."

"Oh shut up," I pushed him off playfully and watched as he bowed then did a fancy hop on the spot.

"He's only showing off because he took dance classes in L.A," Kay burst his bubble. "And he was in love with his dance instructor. This hot Spanish dude from Mexico who had the cutest nose and the most gorgeous abs."

"She's with this guy who runs a book store," he popped her bubble too, "boring kind of dude if you ask me. His name's Ron and she's like some Hermione. You should never go out with them. They'll take you to museums and bore you to death. Eew."

Kay's cheeks turned crimson and she moved away, smiling. I followed her into the living room and plopped down upon the sofa, close enough. And really intrigued.

"Ron, huh?"

"He's not a...Ron," she was so pink in the cheeks, I couldn't believe it. "He's more of a Harry and we've only been together for three years."

"Three years?" I stared in disbelief. "Wow. That's...longer than anything I've ever had, really."

She chewed on lettuce. "Well, we met during college and we bonded over books. And we just...drew closer. He's going to Miami with me. Hey," she suddenly turned to me and stared. "Why don't we force mom to take her vacation and we can all head out there for like two weeks?"

It sounded like a brilliant idea and yet I still couldn't see it happening because finals had finished yeah. But to actually travel like that? I never traveled. I didn't have the money.

"Chad!" she called him over and repeated the suggestion. Of course he was all game. Suddenly appearing too excited, they began to plan in front of me on how to get Regina to sign up for vacation time.

"Plus she needs it after that meltdown," he pointed out, still moving to the music. "And this is the best time to get away and relax."

"With her new girlfriend," Kay smiled at me. "Now all we need is to find Chad a boy toy and we're all set."

"Hey not because you have Ron, that means you're all so lucky. And you," he turned on me, "the two of you shouldn't wave your love stories in my face. Look at this body," he gestured at himself, "I was born free and wild. I roam the earth seeking out...hunks and I don't do relationships."

"Pathetic, really," Kay rolled her eyes but smiled anyway. "He feels as if he's some kind of a stud."

"I am a stud," he gave us this pitiful look.

I laughed out and spent most of the day doing a lot of mischief with the two of them. It was incredible. We raided Regina's fridge and sampled all her opened bottles of liquor. Then when Chad started to get slightly high, Kay suggested that we play Scrabble. That's where she was shut down when her brother made us dress for the road. All three of us ended up roaming most of the stores until Chad got thrown out after he wrapped a Victoria Secret bra around his chest. He asked the lady if he could get a matching pair of panties and she threatened to call security.

Finally, when we managed to get some peace, we were buried between the shelves of a bookstore, just Kay and myself. She began to show me all the books she had and promised to lend me all.

"But only if you promise to stay with my mom forever," she said, "and you don't break her heart. And you love her until her poor broken heart is fixed. Because she really just needs someone to love her more than my dad ever could." A copy of Emma was snapped close and returned to the shelf. "That's all she needed. Someone to give her something dad couldn't. And apparently you can because she actually told us about you. We found out about the rest after they called and called. Ugh the idiots."

I picked up a copy of Mansfield Park and sniffed it. I loved sniffing books.

"Friday when she came here, mom called me and said, Kay, I'm going to do it." She snatched the book from me and sniffed it too. "So I asked, do what? And she said, I'm going to tell her somehow how I feel about her."

I picked up another book and sniffed it, knowing that I was blushing.

"Since I was like six, I knew mom was gay. Dad probably knew too. She used to dress like a dude, Emma. Like seriously."

"Really?" I would never believe that until I saw it.

The doorbell tinkled and Chad's voice filled the air. "Mi ninas!" he called out. "Donde esta?"

"Yeah, when we were younger, like barely teenagers, mom used to dress in faded blue jeans, these shirts that looked so dude-like and her hair was tied back in a ponytail. She grew up secluded from the other kids. Like on a ranch because my bitch of a grandmother was and still is filthy rich. Mom rode horses and stuff. So naturally she was like a tomboy. And I remember yelling at her for embarrassing me at school meetings. Because she'd look like a dude."

I was impressed.

"But somewhere along the line, she began to make this ridiculous effort to be all girly and stuff. And now she's become preppy. Sophisticated. She always dresses classy. And I guess it's because of the job and all."

"It's kind of why I love her, you know," I admitted. Chad rounded the corner and brandished Chinese take out at us. "She's really mature and she knows what she wants. She's mysterious and sexy as hell."

"Hold that thought," Kay snatched my hand, "I think we should make a run for it."

Chad neared us, still waving the bag. "When you ready come and get it, na, na, na, na," he sang.

"But I'm starving," I whined. "Let's eat."

"Do you want oily, greasy food or something more healthy like a veggie pizza?"

"I want what he's...waving at us," I pouted. "I love Chinese."

"Fine," she released my hand and really looked like Hermione with her arms folded. "Both of you can drown in oil. Because I'll find veggies somewhere."

"I love you, Emma," Chad wrapped his arm around me and threw a look at his sister. "Now let's go find a place to eat whilst the third one seeks out vegetables."

By the time we were done with on the road, it was after five. We winded down in a small cafe, sipping lemonade spiked with Vodka. And we chewed on a box of Fruit Loops Chad bought. Kay chose to chew on carrot sticks from a garden salad, her eyes all unfocused.

"Probably dreaming of Ron," Chad whispered in my left ear. I was seated in the middle of them. "She's already told mom about marrying him and stuff. So mom's met the retard."

"Hey, I don't really think he's that bad if she's dating him," I said defensively. "I mean, not because a guy owns a bookstore, that means he's a freak."

"His glasses are like an inch thick," he showed me with his fingers. "An inch thick, Emma."

"Now you're over-exaggerating. I bet he's a romantic. Because she's into books, he's into books. And anyone who loves books are romantics. Just like your mom."

"I'm ashamed to say it. But I'm like dad and it scares me. I like the wild side of things." He began to eat all the red Fruit Loops.

When Regina got out the office, and managed to get home, we were watching Spongebob on Cable. She closed the door softly and sneaked in but my senses tingled. So naturally, I noticed her moving past us.

"Gotcha," I revealed her to the other two and they reared their heads.

"Hi, hi," she rolled her eyes and deposited that huge black handbag of hers onto the table. "I gather all three of you have chased away the alcohol?"

Kay raised a thumbs up sign, chewing on Fruit Loops, her eyes glued to the TV. Chad twisted himself on the chair and faced Regina.

"We had the most amazing day. You have the most amazing girlfriend. And we are the most amazing offspring...of yours."

She sighed, slipping out of her black leather jacket. Brown eyes flicked to the TV as Spongebob tormented Squidward and Kay laughed. Regina came towards the chair and snatched the box of Fruit Loops. Then she dug her hand inside whilst Kay scowled and brought up a handful.

"I was thinking about heading out..." Chad said. Regina stared at him. "Again..."

"I own a pair of handcuffs, so don't test my nerves," she switched into mom mode and it was so cute, I smiled.

"She owns a pair of handcuffs," he nudged me and winked. "Take note, Emma."

"Ah," throwing her hands up, she retreated to her bedroom and I left them really immersed in Spongebob to even notice my absence.

Closing the door softly behind me and pressing the lock, I watched as she shrugged off her black long sleeved shirt. Sneaking up behind her was an epic fail because just as I somehow could detect whenever she was around, it was the same for her. I was snatched suddenly and laughing, she pulled me into her, our chests meeting. But all laughter died down when I felt how warm she was and smelt that White Diamond perfume. Especially with the look in those brown eyes, my knees went weak.

"I missed you so much today in that horrible place," she confessed, resting our foreheads together. "Please refrain from drinking ever again. I beg of you."

Smiling, I moved in for a kiss and from the time our lips met, my entire body melted. She tasted so good, the kiss was beyond passionate. Deep and slow, pulling back and going in again as I unearthed moans from her that were strained. Touching her bare shoulders, fingers whispering upon soft, full breasts. She trembled and ran her fingers through my hair.

"How the hell could you ever talk to me about age when you're so freaking sexy?" I rubbed our cheeks together and she held me close.

"Because I was scared. I am allowed to be." Her voice tingled my insides. "Reaching that raw place that left me feeling so insecure. I could doubt anything for that matter."

"Well don't," I said to her, "because like I told you before on Saturday night, you can throw all these doubts at me and I'll shut them down one by one."

"Can you shut down one for me now before it grows like a weed?" she frowned, her arms still wrapped around me.

"Go ahead," I held my breath.

"Am I really a bitchy CEO?"

I pressed a kiss onto her right cheek. "No lie, everyone says that you are. And yeah I think that you are. But what's the fun in having a boring CEO sitting in a chair all day without any show?"

"Well apparently it gives...HIM and my mother more reason to put their case forward to the Board. In relation to my dismissal." She seemed a bit insecure in that moment. I could feel it. "And it wouldn't be long. Give or take a month."

"But you have another iron in the fire," I stared at her. "Like you said before."

"Yes. The next best thing."

I took a hold of her shoulders and pushed her gently down to sit on the bed. "Then don't worry about it. You've been through shit, Regina. You don't deserve to stay in that place when it has so many memories and attachments." Peeling off her black stockings, I folded them neatly.

"Thanks," she said softly.

"For what?"

She fell onto the bed, arms folded upon her midsection. "For believing in me. For...trying to make me feel better. You're really good at it. I don't know what I'd do without you in my life, Emma."

Biting my lips, I blinked as my eyes burned.

"You just came in and -"

"We're heading out!" Chad shouted from outside the room. "And don't come running out to beat me like a snake because we'll be long gone by then."

Kay giggled. "Have fun you two!"

I watched Regina's eyes fly open. Then eventually, she gave in, realizing that all control on the situation was lost.

Relating to her what we did for the day was really fun because her scowls exhibited her disapproval in their behavior. Especially when I told her about Chad getting kicked out of the Victoria Secret shop. But her spirits lightened up a bit when I said that we had the most amazing time ever. And I hadn't been that thrilled in a long time. Because yeah the three Stooges took me out occasionally but they always wanted to drink and talk about intelligent stuff. To hang out with two lunatics was exactly what I needed.

When I got home that night, mom was watching a sitcom. And I got the thrashing I that was long overdue. It was like being a seventeen year old rebel and showing up the day after. She belted out her disapproval in me. About my staying out late and not showing up. Not caring about my own mother. So eventually, to cool her down somewhat, I ordered a pizza and we ate whilst watching Sanford and Sons. One thing about mom is that she's easy to please. The second I hugged her, she forgave me.

But still the actual coming out speech was thought of by me.

I realized that soon it would happen. Or she'd go back to Maine without knowing. Maybe it was best if she went back without knowing. And that's exactly what happened. Wednesday, I saw her off in a bus and she was out of my life again. Not that I wanted that. But with all the things happening at that moment, she was too much drama to handle. I promised to visit soon and realized that as soon as my new year at University kicked in, there would be no time.

She managed to shock me completely just as the bus was pulling off.

"And that girlfriend of yours," she said, smiling out the window, "please, the two of you, take yourself to a church service at least once a week."

My eyes were probably huge.

"Oh Emma," she rolled her eyes, "I am your mother. Do you honestly believe that you could keep that from me? Especially when she took your hand I knew. Just be careful."

"And you accept it?" I was astonished.

"My theory is, God didn't write the Bible. Man did. And if my own daughter can find love in another woman, then nothing is wrong with that. If you like," her face upturned to the sky. She smiled. "I'd call it change. Be safe, sweetheart. Besides, she can't get you pregnant or anything. So that's good."

"So you have no other problems with it?"

"I need to settle myself in Maine before I gave you that tongue lashing." The smile disappeared. "Your boss. Her age. All in good time. But have fun."

I couldn't believe it. Tears in my eyes, I waved. "Bye mom. Thanks so much."

"I actually had time to be by myself and it was nice."

Her last words hit me because that was my fault. But she left with a smile and I felt so mushy inside.

The mother load of all crap happened Thursday afternoon.

Between Tuesday to Thursday, Regina was locked away in her office on conference calls with the L.A office. Some new developments were being made in the magazine design and she was neck deep in planning. The launch of the new edition was expected to be on Saturday. So I hardly saw her in office and by the time she got home, she was too tired to even talk to me.

No, I didn't feel left out because I understood how frustrated she was. That's how much I cared. So whilst she fell into sleep on her bed as early as eight o'clock, the two lunatics occupied my time.

We played video games and fought over snacks. It was like high school all over again. But for a twenty six year old, Chad was really more immature than his sister. She was twenty two. To believe that he was a Marine, it was really something to watch. Because even though he behaved like a kid, there was still composure in the way he carried himself. Back always straight, his manners really polished. He told me about guns and waking up before the crack of dawn in camp. And Kay taught me makeup tricks. None of them I really used because she was really into it.

So back to Thursday.

That afternoon, just around two, Laura called from downstairs to signal something to Ruby. I watched her eyes fly open and immediately she lashed my arm whilst dialing.

"What happened?"

She raised a hand to silence me, staring at Regina's office. "Miss Mills, I have to warn you quick. Get off your call because that piece of shit is in the building. Who? Robin!" she hissed. "I don't know! Security let him in. He's coming up." And whilst she was on the phone, I saw him step out of the elevator all the way down the room in front of us.

"Oh no" I noticed how his fists were clenched and for the first time really, there he was and I actually didn't give a shit.

The whispers sparked up as he moved by. Cubicle after cubicle was suddenly filled with heads risen. Everyone began to talk. Phones were put down. Phones rang.

"Afternoon, ladies," he sent us that charming smile and only Ruby returned it although said smile was fake. "Lovely day, isn't it?"

"Lovely day," Ruby said whilst I stewed in my corner, glaring at his pathetic self. Chad did look like him But mixed with Regina's good looks, Chad was more handsome.

"She's in?" I stared at his stupid gray suit and his weird looking mouth. He was really a weird looking man.

"Yes but she's on a conference call, sir," Ruby politely informed him. "I really don't think -"

"I'll see myself in," and without asking, he strode towards the office.

From the time that smile was wiped of his face when he walked away, Ruby and I turned to stare at each other. He wasn't here for a social call, most likely. The door was pushed open and in he went like the boss. Before it closed though, I distinctly heard Regina ask him to leave.

"See this is why I hate watching Young and the Restless," she said, her fingers uneasy whilst she typed, "too much drama. Too much drama and someone is always picking trouble."

It took her ten minutes from what I counted. Ten minutes before the door was opened and she stepped back. "Get out," he was glared at.

Hesitating a bit, his footsteps finally led outside and she moved back so that they didn't touch at all.

"It's not happening," he said, turning to face her and lifting a finger, "so cut the deal and let it go. Because I know you're doing this to get back at me and it's not best for the company."

"I'd like to remind you that I am still the CEO and I have every right to make any decision I deem fit." Her voice was stiff and bitter.

He stared at her. "Shut it down, Regina."

"No." She inhaled deeply, her brown eyes narrowed into slits.

"Make the call and shut it down before four!"

"Don't you dare pass orders on me!" she retaliated in front of all of us. Everyone reared their heads to watch the drama. "I will not allow it! Now get the hell out before I call security on you!"

He actually scoffed. "Do you honestly believe that security for Dazzle will remove me from this building? I am the Vice President. So rethink your threats. Especially since you wouldn't be keeping that...title for long..." he looked at her scornfully. "You're a disgrace to the title."

"Get out," she said, her voice dangerously low.

"You're a disgrace to this company and your job because of who you are. All the lies. They know it," he gestured to us and the other fifty employees working on the floor. "You're a bitch and a liar -"

"Hey!" Ruby stood up and glared at him, "that's no way for a man to talk to a lady, so watch your tongue, sir!"

He bit back his words and stared at her. Then rounded on Regina again. "Shut the deal down, or you're done with."

"I said no," she stood her ground even though her voice trembled.

Stepping closer, he leaned in and whispered something into her face. Judging from how she recoiled, I could tell that it was bad, especially when Regina blinked several times. Her chest heaved and I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand his sick shitty self. I couldn't sit there and watch him harass her like that because whatever he said, she was on the verge of tears. Sinking into the door, head lowered.

"And you remember that," he said.

As soon as I got up, Ruby did too. And we both stared at each other.

Moving around her desk, I did the same and we strode up to him. I didn't know what to do or say but I did it anyway.

"I think you should leave," I said, never afraid of him because I wasn't afraid of any man. Plus Neal and the other guys had taught me to stand up for myself. "You've said enough."

"Oh don't worry," he sent her one last look but still didn't move, "I'm leaving."

"Regardless of whatever happened, if you're a gentleman then you'd never speak to a woman like that," I wasn't finished with him because my blood was boiling. We stood face to face and my fists were clenched, which meant that I was pretty upset. "She's our boss. All of us here." I gestured to the asses sitting in their cubicles. "And whether you like it or not, she's the one we answer to here. You hardly show your shitty face anyway to deserve anything from any of us because we don't know you. We know her."

"And this is her assistant secretary insulting me?" he stared at Ruby.

"I'm not insulting you. I'm standing up for my boss. And if you talk to her like that, then I have every right to return the favor."

"Stop being disrespectful and give up," he said warily, "how can you have any respect for a woman who breaks up her marriage and admits that she's gay? It's uncalled for. It's a sin and she'll burn in hell for it."

"The only person that will be burning in hell is your sorry ass for making this worse for her," Ruby said, moving closer to Regina now. But she flinched, backed away and went into her office.

The door was closed.

"I don't care if you sack me for saying this," I said to him so that no one else would hear except Ruby, "but any man who sleeps with his wife's sister is a fucking piece of shit. You call her a liar? Well listen to me, you have no right to treat any woman like that to begin with, to insult her in front of people and behave as if you own her. Because you don't. You don't own any one of us in here. And for future reference, I hope you eat your frigging words after the truth hits you."

I was referring to my relationship with Regina.

"Fuck off," he said, and Ruby surprised me by taking a swing at him. Her fist connected with his jaw and he stumbled back.

"That's for hurting the one woman who's my role model!" she said, her fist still ready.

When he rubbed his face, feeling around with that awful tongue of his to assess the damage, I finished it off with a slap.

"And that's for making her hurt so much, she lost her kid."

"Fucker," Ruby and I watched as he walked off without saying another word.

And as he walked by them all, they suddenly found their voices. A couple of them yelled 'ass' in his direction. The guys called him a 'fuck' and moved closer when he passed by, squaring their shoulders. Security managed to come upstairs and he was actually tugged away. The one guard I loved, Hans, a nice black guy, he sent me a thumbs up sign.

"Way to go Emma!" Hilary pumped her fist in the air, smiling at me

"Good one, Ruby!"

We received congratulations and never even took them on. Because all of them were horrible when the article came out. Of course they had reason to be since she was really harsh on her staff. But Regina mostly kept to herself.

Patting my shoulder, Ruby gestured to the office. I took her arm and blinked.

"Let me talk to her because you just have a way of stirring her Kool-Aid a little too much." But of course I had other intentions.

She allowed me to go in, and returned to her desk. I pushed the door and quietly slipped inside. What I found made my heart crack because Regina had her head buried into her hands upon the table. And she was crying, shaking from sobbing. For a woman like her to cry, it has got to be the most hurtful thing to watch. Because she is so strong. She's so composed all the time around these people, at work. And here she was, collapsing. I honestly wanted to cry too. Because my eyes stung and the phone was ringing and she was seriously hurt.

But I couldn't move closer to her, to even offer any comfort because of the opened shutters. The glass window where everyone could see us. The only choice I had was to stand in front of her desk and try to make things better. It was so hard for me.

"Hey," I tried to breathe but couldn't, "guess what?"

She stopped shaking and rubbed her eyes upon hands that were wet, face still hidden.

"Both Ruby and I gave him a piece of our minds, she punched him and I ended it off with a slap."

She froze up and her head was barely lifted. "What?"

"You missed the drama. Then right after, he was whisked away by security as the entire upstairs yelled obscenities at him. What an asshole."

She sniffed and finally looked at me. Her face was wet, makeup smudged and still she looked amazing.

"You...slapped...him."

"Look, I don't regret it, okay? I don't. So before you tell me about losing my job and whatever else, then know that I did it for you. And even if he sacks me, I can find another job somewhere. It's better than staying here if you're going to leave too."

Not a word was said. Lowering her head again, she stayed that way.

"I need some alone time, Emma", she said hoarsely, "please leave."

That actually hurt me. Because I came in here to comfort her. And that request was made. "If that's what you want."

"Yes," her voice was so weak. "Leave me alone."

"Don't speak to me like that," I said in an unsteady voice, "you don't mean it."

"I mean it."

"No, you don't."

"Yes." Her head was lifted and she looked at me with so much hurt in her eyes. "I mean it. Leave me alone, please. This is one situation you can't help me with. So go away."

My chest hurt. I blinked back tears. "Okay." I wouldn't give up. "What did he say to you out there?"

She didn't reply. I stepped closer to the desk and rested my palms upon the polished surface.

"Regina, what did he say to you?"

"He told me I was way ahead in life to even get a second look from another woman," she croaked, barely lifting her head. "That I was an old hag already. And that's what I am."

"You need to stop that now", I pointed a finger at her, my face serious. "Stop it."

"I am," her voice was weak.

"We discussed this already. So don't -"

"And if you're having second thoughts about dating a broken woman like me, or you're really not ready for this, then run off to Miami with my kids and find a younger woman." She glared at me and it shocked me."

"Will you just stop talking like that?" I asked hoarsely.

"No you stop it," she cried, tears trailing down her cheeks. "Stop trying with me when you're not in this for the long haul. Stop trying and wasting your time. You deserve better."

"How could you say that?" I couldn't believe it, "even after I've been there for you."

"Well stop being there for me and leave!" She took a hold of a stack of papers and shoved it off her desk angrily. "I don't need your pity."

I took a deep breath and stayed where I was. "You can say what the hell you want. You can make assumptions. You can yell at me all you want. But I'm not going to let you go. So if you're going to be the one to give up on us, then do that. But just so you know, I'm not going to give up on you. You're the only one I want and I'm so in love with you, it makes me feel so much better than I ever did in my life. So I'm going to walk away now. But I'm not going to walk away forever."

She glared at me and her chest heaved uncontrollably. "I hate myself for falling in love with you," her voice trembled. "Because love makes me weak. And it's poisonous."

"Not if you feed it without doubts and second thoughts."

"Emma, I'm not worth it," she croaked.

"I'm going to prove to you every single day of my life from now that you are," I said, moving to the door, "in ways that will leave you without any doubts or second thoughts."

And leaving, I shut the door and wiped my eyes before returning to my desk.

That evening when she wouldn't answer my calls, I sat in my apartment alone and cried. I cried because I was stupid and I was fucked up too. I didn't dream about Kay like that because I wanted her. I dreamed about waking up beside her because that was one of my fears. Of having one of us wake up beside another person and everything would collapse. If she found someone else. Someone older than me. Because I couldn't make sense of anything else. There would be no way in hell that dream meant anything on my part. To fall for someone else. I dreamed like that because my mind was intoxicated and I was trying to push me in the opposite direction. But my heart wanted her. My heart wanted Regina alone and no one else.

I wanted her so much, I couldn't process it.

How many times did I have to keep telling her the same thing? I told the guys this once, and they never doubted me afterwards. Neal understood what I meant by wanting to be with an older woman. He knew what it was like. Being with someone mature, someone who could keep you up. Someone like her. Because she completed me. She was like the one person who gave me hope and made me feel safe. Regina was literally the only person other than my mother who managed to cut down all my weaknesses and love me even though I wasn't perfect. I could be myself around her without feeling weird. I felt weird around Chad and Kay because they were too playful and wild.

But with her, I felt so right.

All of this I wrote down at around nine o'clock that night. I couldn't sleep so I wrote it down and elaborated more. Telling her how she meant everything to me. And I could never fix her but I'd keep trying.

That night, I drove my car all the way to her condo and Chad let me in. He said that she had locked herself away and wouldn't come out. Granting her wish though, I slipped the note under her door and left without saying a word. Even when Kay asked me to help her pack for Miami, to stay over, I couldn't do it.

Chad walked me downstairs and we stayed outside whilst he tried to make me feel better.

The wind was blowing lightly, a cold wind. There was the smell of pizza from across the street at Mario's. But I couldn't focus on anything else but her.

"She gets like that sometimes," he said, lighting up a cigarette. "Mom's really broken. But she's the best mom ever because she has so much love to offer."

"She actually told me to run off to Miami, and find a younger woman" I said, staring across the street whilst vehicles moved by.

"Oh shit," he sputtered on his cigarette, "really?"

"Yeah. But I don't want to find someone else."

"You sound like Kay there," he said smiling. "Finding your one and only. Ron plans to propose to her in Miami, which is why he's coming on this trip..."

I stared at him in disbelief. "Really?"

"Yeah! The dork has courage. Look, are you sure you don't want to come with us? It will be so much fun."

"I can't right now," I said, staring across the street again. "She needs me more than ever. If she was going...then...but I doubt it. Plus, it would only prove to her that I'm making some move to get over this. And I can't. I think I'll just stay here and try to get in."

"We're leaving tomorrow night actually," he said, looking at me. "I know we promised to stay a week and all. But we're moving things up a bit. Just to get a little extra time. Gosh," he kicked the ground. "I'd really love for you and mom to come along."

I sighed. We stayed silent. And he puffed away on his cigarette.

"Chad," I toed the ground and felt my eyes burn.

"Yeah?" He turned to look at me, waiting.

"Do you think it's weird for me to be dating your mom? I mean, age-wise and stuff? I just want to know because it doesn't matter to me, but maybe it matters to her. Like people might say stuff all the time. Plus I'm like the same age as her daughter. I'm younger than you."

"Dude," he pitched the cigarette on the ground and toed the stub, eyes on me, "don't ever think like that when it comes to Kay and me, okay? We're totally cool with it. Your age doesn't matter to us because you're old enough to live on your own, to have a life of your own. And that's enough. My mom, she's probably stressing on the age thing because of the guys she dated in the past. Sean was the youngest. Then she had a fling with a twenty year old. I think what scares her is the fact that you aren't sticking your head in and then backing out. You're actually making an effort, sticking around."

He watched a guy walk past us and smiled.

"I think she dated these guys to feel young again, to feel needed, if I'm being honest here," he hung his head. "They made her feel like a teenager again, wanted and excited. Which is why she still rides her motorcycle. To feel alive and stay that way. Because as shitty as it sounds, dad killed her inner spirit to believe in love. But you sparked it up again and she's still scared of you. My advice? Be yourself around her because she loves that. You're not immature as fuck like Kay and I. You're somehow in tune with her and what she wants."

"I understand her," I said.

"And because you understand her enough to break those walls down, to pet the hurtful demons and make them disappear, she's doubting you. She's going to do that. It's only expected. Just getting out a divorce, trying to cope with being gay and on the verge of losing her job...Pretty fucked up."

"Yeah but the part that hurts the most is that she just pushed me away this afternoon when I tried go comfort her."

"She always does that."

"Does she?" I looked at him.

"Yep," he lit up another cigarette and I frowned at it. "She's not the kind to hug it out and cry on your shoulder. Like there was this place in L.A. Whenever she'd be pissed at dad, she used to drive there and throw plates against the wall. It's this anger management kind of fucked up place. Punching bags and stuff, soaking in hot water. She stews alone."

So we hung out outside of the apartment building until he asked if I wanted to grab a beer before they left tomorrow. I had no idea if we would even see each other before they left. That's what we did. And as soon as Chad and I walked in, the three Stooges were seated like three birds along the counter facing the street.

All three of them beamed at me.

"She ditched us to hang with this asshole," Killian said.

At first I thought Chad would feel offended about it. But suddenly, he smiled widely at them and rushed over. I watched them shake hands and pat each other on their backs like old buddies.

"This one," Neal said, gesturing to me, "the three of us come with less gay and straight up intelligence. And you want to abandon us to be with him."

"Dude," Chad pulled up a chair and sat down. He struck up a conversation with Killian.

"I didn't know you knew each other..." I inclined my head in his direction as he patted my back. "What a small world."

"We were walking home one night from hanging and these fools were chucking him around. So Will took a swing at them. Naturally," he signaled for the waiter to bring me a beer, "Killian and I included ourselves as well. Long time ago though. We're good. Even though he sweats rainbows."

"Hear that Chad?" Will reared his head to ease into our conversation, "bloke says you sweat rainbows and all."

"It's the reason I can't wear white shirts," Chad batted his eyelashes at Killian. "How you doing, handsome?"

"You make one move on me and I'll give you a buzz cut."

All of them laughed except me because I couldn't feel anything but hurt.

"I was telling Neal the other day about me accidentally taking a girl to a gay bar," Killian began, "so I walked in right, and we sit down. And then these guys are slow dancing together. And Darla turns to me and she says, 'this place is fucking weird'."

Chad snorted. Will was bouncing in his seat from laughter.

"Anyway, we got the hell out of there -"

"But he's not telling you the fun part," Neal piped up, "just on his way out, some guy walks up to him and says, 'hey Killian, remember me? You never called me back'." He mimicked a deeper voice, chest puffed out.

Killian sighed. "That was the last of Darla."

They laughed and laughed and then my phone vibrated. Immediately slipping it out, I saw a message from Regina. Excusing myself because they'd all torture me, possibly toss my phone around, I went outside.

My fingers were literally shaking when the message was clicked open.

**I'M SORRY. READ YOUR LETTER. FIVE TIMES. I'M CRYING. PLEASE RECONSIDER ME. I LOVE YOU, EMMA.**

I couldn't believe it. Smiling like a lunatic, my chest heaved because I could finally breathe again.

Kay skipped across the street and frowned at me. "Hey, Chad's inside?"

"Yeah," and I absentmindedly gestured behind me, my head still lowered.

"Cool," she skipped off after patting me on the back.

**Love you too, babe. I'm sorry too. Do you want me to stay away still?**

Waiting was like waiting on a natural disaster to roll over me.

**I NEED TO SLEEP. HEAD HURTS. STILL NEED SOME ALONE TIME. LUNCH TOGETHER TOMORROW?**

My chest felt so mushy, tears filled my eyes.

**Okay, yeah definitely tomorrow. Can't wait to see you again. I miss you so much. Sweet dreams. Xoxo.**

And returning inside, I took a seat between Neal and Chad as they all laughed over some other joke.

My phone vibrated like half an hour after and I frowned. Opening her message, I think I read it like six times.

**Sorry about the caps. My hands were shaking. I forgot to tell you how admirable your actions were today. Sticking up for me. No one except Chad and Kay have ever done that for me. And the way you handled him amazed me. You are brave, Emma. Thank you for defending and believing in me even though I pushed you away. Anyone else would have run. But you're here still. Miss you already. Xoxo**

I couldn't wait to have lunch with her the next day. And as Kay hugged me before the night ended, she and Chad sandwiching me in the middle, I smiled. Because Regina and I would have some alone time now. Even though it would have been fun to go to Miami, I still chose wisely. I wanted to be with her. So when they promised to see me in one week or a couple of weeks later, the three Stooges stuck around still.

"Guys," Killian said, obviously drunk. We all waited, staring at him. "Have you noticed how perfect Chad's hair is? His hair just stays styled. He's..."

All of us held our breaths, waiting for him to continue but he didn't.

"He's what?" Neal said, taking my hand and squeezing it. Will's eyes were huge.

"Yeah, he's what?"

"He's what?" I asked after Will.

"He's not so bad looking, if you think about it," eyes focused outside and across the street, we stared. "That doesn't mean I'm gay or anything."

"No, not at all," Will said, brushing it off. "Not gay, mate. Definitely not gay."

Neal leaned in and whispered into my ear, "so gay."

And we both snorted behind our hands like two mischievous kids in school.


	6. Then I Meet Her Amazing Bestie

**Excerpt:**

**_I gasped. "So you're a blood sucker?"_ **

**_She sighed and lifted off her helmet. "Sweetheart, I enjoy biting during foreplay and actual sex," I swallowed, climbing off the bike. "But I'd never draw blood."_ **

**" _You never answered my question," she got off and tossed her hair around. "Are you or are you not a vampire?"_**

**" _I've marked you, by the way," she began walking towards the house and I followed with wide eyes, "in case you didn't notice. Two places. On your inner right thigh and just upon your right hip. Right here," I was shown through her clothes._**

* * *

We had lunch on the Rooftop Lounge of the Hudson Terrace.

Two hours filled with complete awe and private conversation.

Honestly, from the way the staff greeted her along the way whilst coming up, I knew that she was most likely a regular. Probably coming up here to enter meetings with rich and powerful men. Because just in the conference room below the terrace, there was a gathering of some sort. And one of the guys recognized her. So whilst they struck up a conversation, I had a chance to gaze out through the glass windows and see New York from another angle.

Tall skyscrapers, a slice of the Hudson River. Remembering La Marina and hoping we'd go there again. All of it left me in awe.

So you can just imagine my reaction when we finally moved upstairs and the table was shown to us. She sat in the corner next to the wall and I opposite her. Both of us had a clear view of the skyline just outside the terrace. The view was amazing.

An open area. Light wind caressing the place. Overlooking New York during the midday rush. Sitting on the softest pair of caramel colored leather cushions in this secluded corner. Because the area wasn't really occupied. It was supposed to be rented out for private functions. But Regina apparently knew the owner, a man by the name of Larry Fitz from high school. And after making just one call as it seemed, she managed to get what was desired. Friends with benefits.

I was wearing this black pants suit with a green shirt. My hair was tied back into a ponytail, spectacles tucked down the front of my shirt. Whilst she had on one of her killer outfits. This red skirt suit with a black shirt. And oh did the red jacket and red skirt look gorgeous on her. In fact, anything could. With the way she had her shirt buttoned up fully, Regina appeared really like a powerful CEO. She sat like one too, back stiff as a poker, black choppy hair styled to perfection and well-manicured nails.

Is it possible to fall in love more and more every time you meet someone?

"I told them it would actually be a great idea," I sipped some water as she leaned forward slightly. "You and me tagging along to Miami."

"Emma, right now it is too much," her husky voice fluttered my heart. She reached for her glass of red wine and sipped. "I'd like us to have as much time by ourselves as possible."

"Same," I smiled.

"Added to that, there will be time for us to travel, don't worry. I would like to take you to so many places. To share experiences with you." She blinked at me slowly. "Have I told you how stunning you look today?"

"Only like a million times," I felt my cheeks grow warmer. I was smiling like an ass. "You are the definition of sexy, by the way. Everything about you."

"Thank you." We gazed at each other and I couldn't forget yesterday when she was crying in her office. "What?" she frowned. "What is it?"

Shaking my head, I lowered it as the waiter came to deposit our orders upon the table. Always eating light, her plate consisted of a simple garden salad, a small plate of sliced beef and rice. I just had a serving of chicken soup. Don't you dare laugh at me. Because here's the thing. Since our last date, she confessed about liking soups. And I was never the type to savor the dish. So what better chance than to actually taste one? Getting to know what she liked.

"Now tell me, my love," she chewed on a piece of beef, returning her fork to the plate, "what is bothering you?"

She called me her love. I literally felt as if I was melting into the chair. "I'm still lingering on yesterday afternoon. You know, the whole drama and stuff. The meltdowns." I carefully sampled the red wine she had ordered for me and loved it. "I swear, I haven't had a chaotic Thursday like that in a long time. Mostly it's Fridays. Or the weekends. Or even nothing at all. Just plain days. Work, home, work, hang out a bit, studying in between."

"How are your studies going?" she chewed slowly, those brown eyes fixated on me. I realized that talking about yesterday had been sidestepped by her.

"I signed up for summer classes which start next week. I'm trying to take most of my courses now so that I can finish in three years." The rice tasted delicious. Every mouthful was yummy. "My third year begins in September."

"Tell me a little more about your times for classes."

"This semester was Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays with classes beginning at 5. So as soon as I get off from work, I'd rush over there. Tuesdays and Saturdays were my free days to study and Sunday too."

Her red wine was sipped and she licked her lips, carefully pushing the fork through another slice of beef. "I suppose I'll hardly get to see you when September comes and your new semester begins."

"I'll make time for you every single day." I told her. "Even if it's fifteen minutes." The fact that she considered us until September was so amazing to me because it was just the beginning of July already. Our eyes met. "I keep my promises. So remember what I told you yesterday about making you feel worth it every single day."

"How could I forget?" her voice took on a huskier tone. She smiled warmly at me. "I read your letter so many times today."

"Really?" I was impressed.

"Yes," she fished inside the pocket of that red jacket after wiping her fingers carefully. And she pulled out a folded yellow page. I couldn't believe it. She had it on her all the time and tears formed in my eyes.

Watching Regina unfold my letter left me breathless because it was a first for me. In my life so far, no one, and I mean no one had ever treasured stuff I did like that. I don't mean to bring the guys in but they didn't either. They didn't understand how deep a person I was. How I loved to write and read and find meaning in words and the simpler things in life. They never could see me and my depth when speaking about things like nature and love and romance. But here she was, for the first time, making my heart melt by unfolding that bit of paper.

"Do you mind if I ask you to read it for me?" our eyes met and I blinked back tears. "Out loud? I'd like to hear you say every word. I want to remember you saying those lines to me. More than likely, forever."

I took it from her, and tried to compose myself. Then after sipping on some red wine, she did the same and I cleared my throat.

"Regina, I just want you to know first that you are the very first person I have ever fallen in love with. So much, that I can't sleep without dreaming of you ever since we met. And even when we didn't meet, I'd often sit at my desk and wonder how gorgeous you must be in person. Because at work, they all told me how horrible you were. But still I never believed a word of it."

Her eyes were on me and I was finding it hard to breathe.

"From the first moment we met, I've got to say that without exchanging words, I really felt something between us. I walked past you and my heart stopped because somehow we connected. Even as I'm writing this letter right now, I still can feel you. I can hear your voice and I keep seeing your face over and over again. And I've never felt better in my life from loving someone so much."

I looked up and saw her lips parted, and that look on her face that suggested that she was totally captivated by every word.

"But the best part of all is knowing that I've met someone who I can be myself with. I've never had that. Even with my parents, it was always a show. With you, I can be as weird as possible and you never ever judge me. It's like you see past my crappy hairstyle and my awful work clothes, my baggy pants and slack shirts, and there's just me. Because that's how I see you too. I see everything about you. From the way you're hurting, to how broken your heart is. To the way you react when certain things are done. I can know exactly when to say something and how to touch you. I know you, I think, even before we met."

A tear trailed down my cheek and I reached up to wipe it.

My throat ached so bad. "And this is why I hate when you constantly ask me about our age difference and if it makes me regret being with you. Because it doesn't. I love your maturity, your strength, the way you are so composed but you allow me to see your weakest points. I love how you handle your job and the fact that you're a mom. Everything about you. How you pulled through that horrible time in your life and still came out alive. Because I don't think I could have pulled through if I were you. You're really the most wonderful person I have ever met. And your age doesn't matter to me because you've aged like wine."

She was sipping her wine at that moment and licked her lips so cutely.

"Being with someone mature, someone who could keep me up. Someone like you. Because you complete me. You're like the one person who gives me hope and makes me feel safe. I love you. So..." I moved the letter aside and allowed the tears to fall, "...please don't give up on us because I don't think I will ever get over you for as long as I live."

My lips were bitten and I couldn't look at her just yet. I was so vulnerable in that moment, so weakened by my own words. The truth was raw. So taking my bunched up tissue, I wiped my eyes, finding it hard to breathe still.

"So now I..." her voice trembled, "I can read every word again and again and memorize your voice attached to it. Emma..."

"Yeah?" I sniffed, playing with my food, eyes lowered.

"Look at me..." she said hoarsely.

I did. And when we locked eyes, she made my chest feel so weak, the tears didn't come hot now, but easy and without me realizing it. The way I was looked at. As if the very sight of me made her heart beat and she couldn't live without my presence. I wanted to kiss her so bad, my head ached slightly. It was like she was my drug and holding back would drive me insane.

New York carried on with it's hustle and bustle below. A plane flew by overhead. There was the tinkle of glasses as the barman came in and rested them somewhere. Light chatter behind closed doors. I recalled laughter downstairs and someone speaking loudly as more laughter ensued. Then there was the beating of my heart. Every single beat made me weak. Every time she blinked her eyes, I noticed. The way she chewed slowly, handling her cutlery with grace. Everything was cherished by me in detail because that's exactly the kind of person I was. And even days after, I could still remember stuff.

"I kept thinking about every angle last night," she said eventually whilst I finally began to eat again, "the simpler things were magnified by me. And I couldn't sleep even past midnight."

"What kind of things?" I admired how her red lipstick stayed on even though she was eating. She had that kind of skill.

"Mind you, I have never thought so intently about anyone else in my life," she pointed out. "But last night, I even thought as far as -"

"Marriage," I stared at her.

Regina stopped chewing and stared back with widened eyes. She blinked. "Yes." Her head was slightly inclined. "How did you..."

"Because I was thinking the same thing last night. And we think alike. Only your thoughts string along and make more sense whilst mine are just...jumbled up."

Apparently, she was still shocked from me completing her sentence. She gazed at me in silence.

"I'd marry you right now, honestly," I confessed to her. "And I used to think people who got married in like less than a week into knowing each other were weird. But now I know what it feels like to have you and know you and feel this way. It's like -"

"You wish to feel like this for as long as you live."

I smiled at her. "Yeah."

"Emma," she shifted in her seat and blinked two times, "perhaps you believe in...soul mates? I know it is rather...imaginative and considered fictitious but do you believe that two people could be deeply connected?"

"Like there are layers in an individual," I started to explain, "and most people reach only so far. But with us, we moved deeper than anyone else has ever gone before?"

"Yes," she smiled. "You do understand then. Like Chad's video games that have levels."

"Or like the earth, right," I tried to explain another way, "most people dwell on the surface but certain people manage to get down to the core. The real you. The place where you're vulnerable and your truest self."

"Correct again. And now I have to ask the universe in out loud," she gazed up at the sky, "why was my soul mate born so late? Why couldn't I have met her in college and before that horrible demon walked into my life?"

I smiled because that's exactly what I had been thinking this morning at my desk after hearing The Poni-Tails 'Born too Late' on Ruby's radio.

"If I met you in college, then I would have most likely failed my Degree." She locked eyes with me and listened. "But all the same, people meet at the right time."

"And you love me because I'm older."

"Not older," I corrected her with a smile. "More mature and you've been through life."

"When you're in your sixties, I'll be close to my nineties," she scrunched up her face, "if I live that long."

"Regina, I don't care about age, okay?" I reminded her warily, "and there you go again reading my mind because I was thinking about us both being gray. And growing old together."

"Two old women wrapped in each others arms on a beach in Miami?" she smiled widely, and I was so happy to see her like that. "Sipping on Martinis and chewing on wheat chips?"

I laughed. "Yeah and both of us wearing two piece bikinis. But obviously you'll have the better looking body."

"Me?" she gestured to herself, "what about you with the body of a superstar model?"

"Well you've seen all of me," I smiled wickedly at her, "so I'll take your word for it. And I've seen all of you. So..." her smile disappeared and was replaced by a look of shock that obviously had her thoughts drifting off somewhere. "When will I see you again? All of you?"

"Emma..." she croaked, her lips parted.

"It's been a week now," my voice was hoarser. We stared at each other. "I don't think I can survive the afternoon until we're alone again."

"Patience, dear." Her fingers twitched upon the table. "All in good time."

"After the past couple of days, especially yesterday, I really don't think patience will work."

We stared at each other. A stare became an intense gaze. And I watched her crumble.

Her chest heaved and she rose up, our plates empty. I didn't even to be asked. Following her, we entered a room beside the bar and went down a hall. An internal room was some kind of a hangout spot too, filled with caramel colored cushions with glass windows. The washroom was sought out and pushing the door, she went in before me. Even before we could enter a stall, I took a hold of her right shoulder. Turning her around on the spot, we gazed at each other, already breathless.

"Just a kiss," she said, her voice so husky, pulling me into the enclosed space. "Leave the rest for a passionate Friday night."

Crushing our lips together, I ran my fingers through her soft hair as she moaned. Tasting wine and savoring it, every second. She was so sweet and soft, every time we brushed lips, Regina trembled. Her entire body was on fire and so was mine. I could feel how she was burning up. Her skin becoming slightly damp. Sucking on her jawline and moving in again. And when I tried to move my hand between her legs, she took a hold of it. Stopping me. Really attaching herself to tonight.

"If you start touching me there," she said in a whisper, warm breath flushing my face, "you'll have to take me back to work in your arms."

"I can do that," I said before pulling up her skirt. She gasped, me feeling the softness around her inner thighs. Stockings that were always intrusive. Ugh.

We kissed slower then. I fought with her grip around my wrist and pulled the dreaded article of clothing just enough to gain entry. Feeling my way without seeing. Feeling how wet she was through her panties. Marveling over lace kissing my fingertips. And when my two fingers entered her, brown eyes grew unfocused. Biting her bottom lip softly, I pulled and rested our foreheads together. Choking on air. But I couldn't stop. I began to thrust into her slowly, every move trembling her body until she grew weaker and weaker. Arms wrapped around me, fingernails digging into my shirt. We were literally soaking up our clothes, beads of sweat tickling my face.

Balled fists pressed into my chest when I hoisted her up slightly, moving faster and rougher. I had to muffle her hoarse cries as she still tried to stop us from going further. Red lipstick was smudged, tears wet brown eyes, her mouth opened as she tried to breathe but couldn't. And even though it took every remaining energy, Regina still managed to slip her hand between us. Matching the same rhythm through my pants. A finger sliding between my legs as I began to reach exactly where she was quicker than ever.

When we both came hard, I felt all of it around my fingers buried deep inside her. Kinked fingers that stayed where they were. Our free arms wrapped around each other as our hoarse cries were muffled. Faces buried into shoulders, gasping for air and shaking, over and over again. Riding every wave of pleasure out, together.

Time was closing in and we both needed to hurry back. So standing in front the large mirrors in that caramel colored washroom, she reapplied her makeup whilst I did nothing really. I fixed my clothes. I was sweaty and sticky. I was still breathless and when our eyes locked in the mirror, we couldn't look away. We just couldn't do it. It was like looking into a painting and becoming so captivated by it, you could really feel the person's work. Every stroke of the brush, every line. An intense gaze drew us nearer and we both kissed each other slow and deep.

I smudged her lipstick again. I laughed. She did too. And then we finally left to return to the office.

Xxx

That afternoon, there was a meeting with a designer who came all the way from France. He was taking photos in New York and wanted Regina to choose some outfits best suited for the summer edition. The guy wheeled the entire rack of clothes past our desks and this tall blonde model followed, chewing gum. She gave Ruby a look as if her head was high in the clouds, full of pride.

Ruby scoffed. "I would take her on any day for a photography competition. Bitch." She rolled her eyes. "Her skin is too pale. She's like a walking vanilla stick. These girls these days," I was glared at, "all of them are starving themselves. I mean, I could never, ever run on one meal a day. Can you?"

"No way," my head was still in the clouds. I kept remembering the Hudson Terrace.

Her phone rang and she sighed. "Yeah, sure." She turned to me, "Emma, Miss Mills wants you in her office."

"What? Why?" I stared.

She was already dialing someone else. "Something about getting your opinion on choosing outfits. She wants..." Hickson, the other graphics design dude, and Marlene walked past us, "there you are! I was just ringing you!"

"Yeah well," Hickson gestured at the door, "I was summoned."

"You sound like we're in a Harry Potter movie," Ruby joked.

"Aren't we? I'm on my way to see Snape," he winked at me.

Ruby laughed. "Nice one. Go on in, Hermione," she waved at me. "Before she bitches."

Getting up from my desk, I snatched a green pen and a notepad that I occasionally scribbled in. Then my jacket was taken as well because inside her office was like a freezer. And I wasn't going to sit there and tremble like a leaf.

I had no idea why she would call me in though. This was a first. These kinds of things weren't in my line. Because in case she didn't notice, I wasn't really a fashion piece. My taste in clothes was what I felt comfortable in. I mixed colors wrongfully, it should have been against the law. At first when I stepped in there, Hickson smiled and offered me a chair. He was this bald guy with spectacles. Marlene wasn't exactly on the slim side. She was round. She was from Mexico. And she loved to eat Lays Potato Chips.

"I just need two selections," Regina didn't even look at me when I got in. She waved a hand warily at the designer, this dude with blue streaked hair, dressed in studded black pants, a plain black jersey and tattoo sleeves. "Show me your two best choices."

"This," he gracefully took an outfit from the rack and swept it forward, "is one of them."

It was ugly. No really it was. And that's coming from me. How the hell does a blue sequined tank top fit with green camouflage printed cargo pants? Plus the red belt looked so out of place, I glanced at Hickson. He apparently was sharing the same thought as me. Marlene looked bored.

"Are you serious?" Regina stared at him. I bit my laughter in, eyes lowered. "Is that your best piece?"

"Uh, yeah," he was lanky and obviously gay.

"Why the hell would I put that in my magazine?" she was getting sassy. I could tell. "Sales for the August issue would fall flat on the floor if anyone turns the page and casts their eyes upon..."

Hickson snorted and coughed it away, trying to look less obvious. "Perhaps if we see it on the model then we'd get a general sense of what this outfit has to offer?"

Regina rolled her eyes. "Hurry up and dress her." She gestured impatiently at the blonde woman Ruby hated. "I'm already sickened. And tired. And pressed for time."

Moving behind the rack, the model quickly slipped on the outfit and stepped around for us to see. Marlene laughed.

"Now I see it. It's for the hippie chicks."

What the hell? I frowned at her as if she was some kind of a weird person about to do something crazy.

"This is a joke," Regina's head was lowered. She massaged her forehead. "Emma..." I instantly jumped out of my skin and stared at her with wide eyes but she wasn't looking, "what do you have to say about that...outfit?"

I swallowed. Hickson threw me a glance. The designer was waiting, obviously pissed. The model stared at me with green eyes.

"Um..." I shrugged, "I don't see how the blue fits in. It's not a something I'd wear. And I mix colors like crazy. But blue and green are two contrasting colors. Even red would look better."

"I was aiming for a bold look," the guy said to us.

"Well I'll boldly tell you this," Regina looked at him, "get it out of my eye sight before I sue your ass for wasting my time. And if your next outfit isn't better, then I'll call security."

He swallowed hard, eyes bulging. We watched him paw through the rack, debating with the model on what choice should be made. They argued but their words were in French. Hickson cast Regina a glance and brown eyes fluttered close. I caught myself gazing at her. Like really gazing. And somehow her senses tingled because I was finally looked at. When we gazed at each other, her fingers curled upon the desk. Obviously the Hudson Terrace moments were relived in that powerful mind of hers.

"This," the guy said finally. I tore my eyes away from her. "Is the piece I will put next."

"Would you wear that, Emma?" Regina sounded severely pissed, eyes squeezed shut. "Please warn me before I have a look."

I stared at the rainbow colored dress and absolutely loved it. Somehow it reminded me of Gay Pride Weekend, and Demi Lovato's song 'I Really Don't Care'. But to put in a magazine like Dazzle? I didn't believe it would fit in well enough. Dazzle was all about classy women styles and Gothic looks. Ranging from choice selections snipped from Dolce and Gabana's darkest colors. Something as colorful as that would never cut it between the pages. But it would stand out. However, I wasn't going to take the chance.

"It's too colorful," I said.

Hickson snorted.

"What. Who is this Emma?" the dude asked, scowling in my direction. "Is she important enough to make choices?"

"Well she must be important if I invited her to sit in," Regina sassed, her head dancing. "She reflects the same group of young women who will be parading the beaches during Summer Break. College students. High School students. That," she gestured at it, "reminds me of my son's coming out birthday cake."

"It's not Dazzle's style," Hickson agreed. "We need darker tones. Something with lace, Chris."

"I give up," the guy said, throwing up his hands. "Summer is about colors and fun. How can darker tones cut it?'

"Darker tones cut it in Dazzle. So if you wish to make a break through, then get your head in the game," Regina said stiffly. "Since you've given up, it saves me time." She sighed, eyes lowered, fingers pressed upon a stack of papers. "Good luck with the Christmas issue."

"But it is so hard for -"

"You're dismissed," she said warily. Chris stared with wide eyes. "Hickson, remember to get me the three sheets from Versace by tomorrow. I'll be in until midday."

I watched Chris roll his eyes and the model glared at Regina. Then when they obviously had no better come back line, both of them strode out, pulling the rack after them. Almost bumping into me, he didn't even apologize. A glare was enacted and the blonde said something in French, I was certain she swore.

Chad rang the phone as soon as my butt hit the chair. I picked up, laughed when he pretended to be President Obama and signaled to Ruby that it was okay. Because most times my phone didn't ring. And when it rang singly, she panicked, believing that someone important had gotten the wrong internal extension.

"Emma. The beach. Fuck." There was the sound of music in the background and someone laughed. "I wish you guys were here!"

"I know," I pouted, hanging my head and clicking away on the keyboard, trying to check my email. "It would have been so fun."

"Definitely next time, don't worry. We've got this whole set up, like a condo Kay and I are staying in with Ron. A mini fridge packed with chocolates. I think dad's trying to bribe us or something. Because his name is on the bill and stuff."

I frowned. "Does your mom know about that part?"

"You mean him paying?"

"Yeah," I checked and there were no new emails.

"Nah, she has no idea. Do you think I should tell her?" he sounded as worried as me.

"That he's trying to bribe you guys? Why not?" I sat back and relaxed, noticing Ruby chatting away on the phone and studying her nails with a smile. Had to be Archie calling, this guy she was seeing. "The thing about your mom is that she's really into details. She wants to know stuff. And if you don't tell her then she'd feel really bad."

"Trust me, I know," he sighed. "Reminds me of when I came back with a mild injury and I didn't tell her. Something in my back. When she found out, mom flipped. It's just that...I don't want to upset her as it is right now, you know?"

"She's been through a lot for real," I played with the blue Papermate pen on my desk, twirled it around. "She's now relaxing a bit."

"Thanks for trying. You're doing a great job."

"It's not really a...job." I didn't see it that way. "It just comes naturally for us. Being together seems to make her feel better. And we talk, we bond and stuff."

"Among other things..." he laughed.

"I do not want to go there with you," I said smiling. "No way."

"No, no! I know, dude! Last time I saw Zelena, mom's sister, I was a bit bitter. Asked her if she was fucking him for the money. She said yes."

"Oh shit."

"And that's not the worst part, dude," I heard Kay talking in the background and another guy, "the bitch is my aunt and all of that, but she's really...wicked. Envious, and bitter sweet. She's like one of those witches from those movies that lure you in with a sweet smile and then fuck you over with poison or something."

"Sounds like a Lifetime movie if you ask me," I said. "Sister moves in on husband and sucks his money then leaves."

"Or poisons him and takes all the wealth," he pointed out.

"But that's the thing. Sure Robin has wealth, but he doesn't own the company. It's a family thing. So most likely, Zelena must have shares or something."

"Look at what grandma is doing to mom," he reminded me. "Cutting her out the will as we speak I bet. Already called me to tell me how my mom is a disrespectful and utterly a shameful disgrace to our family by coming out as being gay. So Zelena has it in for wealth one way or the other. I think what's going to happen is this: she'll drain dad's funds and then replenish hers. Cut him out completely. Shit," he sighed. "I really hate dad right now but he's in for some shit."

"Well at the end of the day, he's still your dad," I said, "you can't just turn against him. I mean, without him you wouldn't be here."

"Mom said I wasn't even planned. So..." he laughed. "Doesn't matter to me. There's just mom. She was there for me throughout my entire life. Taught me how to drive when he should have. She taught me to cook, to be brave and stuff. Whilst he had an affair and was hardly home. The times she just suddenly started to cry when we were together, it hurts me onto this day. We'd be doing something and she'd start crying."

"And Kay?" my eyes burned from imagining Regina crying.

"Kay was always away at boarding school. But when she came back home, they never really got along. She and mom. Somehow they grew distant and Kay became independent enough to never need any of us."

"I just hate it when she cries and she hurts," I realized that my voice was unsteady. "It's not right."

"It isn't. She's the most amazing woman and someone like her isn't supposed to be hurting at all. She's supposed to be so happy and laughing. Forever. Not with someone like him. Thank goodness it's over. I even pushed her to divorce him."

"You're such a great guy," I picked up the pen and squeezed it.

"And from what I heard from her this morning, you're the best too. She loves you so much. You should hear how she speaks about you. And her voice always trembles slightly when she does too. She could be sassing me out and then I mention you. And it's like she just collapses."

My chest heaved. I couldn't breathe. Because her office door was opened and out Regina stepped, most likely on her way to the washroom. Tucking black hair behind her right ear, she walked past. But not before allowing our eyes to meet. I was offered a smile even before I enacted it. Ruby saw and raised her eyebrows then returned to the call.

Chad disconnected eventually.

I watched Regina linger near Wendy's desk, a pregnant employee and they exchanged words. Then after staying there, as if conscious of me gazing, we locked eyes briefly and then she moved away.

Xxx

That night we had a definite plan, to continue where we left off from midday.

It was supposed to be a lot of US time, but she wanted to go out. To relax and be somewhere else instead of indoors. In other words, fresh air was needed. Was craved for. So after putting on my usual red, plaid, long sleeved shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans, she pulled up below on the street. From my window, I gazed down and watched her slip out that iPhone. Obviously about to dial me.

"Miss, you can't park there!" I shouted with a huge smile on my face. And when she peered up, I hid behind the blind, barely showing myself. "It is against the law to do that!"

Laughing from where I stood, she glared up.

"I'm calling the cops!"

"Oh fuck you," I heard distinctly from below, that hoarse voice of hers reaching all the way up to my window. "Pathetic twat."

I doubled over from laughing.

"What's that?" someone else called out, and my eyes flew open. "What did you say to me?" Oh shit! It was this meth addict from next door. "Babe, look at you, all sexy on that machine. Come up here and show me how you ride a bike."

My cell rang and I answered it in the calmest tone ever.

"Get down here," she hissed, "or I will find this asshole and scratch his eyes out."

"What asshole?" I was smiling like a lunatic, moving to the door.

"This guy!" she sounded really pissed. "Some lady yells at me because I parked here and then he's hanging out his blasted window. Obviously stoned. Asking me to _ride his bike._ " Her sassiness always made me smile because when others were afraid of it, to me she sounded really cute. "Do I look like I'm prepared for this, Emma? I do not wish to ride any male anatomies ever." She growled. "Disgusting. Men."

"Not all of them are bad, you know," I was already stepping out of the elevator, helping this old lady from floor ten to gather up her bags.

"If you're referring to your three overly grown super babies, then spare me."

"Have a good night, Miss Karen," I patted the lady on her back and she smiled. "Be careful out there, okay?"

She smiled warmly, smelt like cats and bacon. Jogging to where Regina was parked up, I was glared at. Studying her face, she gave away nothing but just sat there looking gorgeous, dressed in a pink frilly short sleeved blouse and black jeans. Hugging the extra helmet, I took a tentative step closer and tilted my head.

"Okay, what did I do now?"

The glaring continued. Dark, choppy hair fluttered in the wind. "I know it was you. You idiot."

"What?" trying to appear oblivious to it all, the helmet was reached for and she snatched it away. "Aw, come on! Don't go into tiger mode on me."

"You told me not to park here," her chest heaved. "How dare you."

"I didn't -"

"I sat here and I counted the floors and windows to your flat. So don't play smart with me. You find it funny, don't you?" Her head swayed as she turned on some attitude, appearing more cute. "To tease me from above and have that...thing..." she gestured above us, "shake his hairy chest at me. He had on no clothes! It was like a gorilla smirking at me!"

Pouting, I moved in closer again and was still deprived of retrieving the helmet from her grasp. She held onto it and fought with me. Pulling and growling.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it. Now give it to me." I tugged and she arched her eyebrows.

"Give it to you?" Regina smirked. "Here?"

My neck obviously grew warmer as I fitted the helmet on. "Wasn't that the plan earlier?" Throwing a leg over the bike, she was hugged from behind. The engine roared to life.

"I'll give it to you," she muttered. "Wait and see."

Blinking a couple of times, I stared at the back of her head as we pulled out onto the street and smiled. She accelerated so much, everything moved by in a blur. Lights were joined together, the wind licked my neck and I held on tighter than ever.

When we turned into this dirt trail and headed south, I had no idea what to make of it. Suddenly there was this forest in the middle of New York and never before had my eyes rested on this particular place. Speeding down the track, the trees swayed and leaves rustled. All of it tingled my senses because I absolutely loved nature. I loved it. So you can just imagine my face when the crash of waves upon land somewhere in front of us was heard for the first time by me.

She parked the motorcycle next to this wrought iron gate. At first, that was all I saw. The double gates with forest stretched out around us. So when this guard came out and opened the damn thing, my eyes were wide. Because suddenly, I noticed the looming mansion up ahead. This four floor place looking like one of those cribs from L.A planted in the middle of nowhere. The walls were a dark shade of green. And most likely, that's why I didn't notice it at first because the trees surrounding the place made the looming building blend in.

"Where are we?" I hugged her. She rode down the path slowly without saying a word.

I was scared. But felt protected by being with her. Because from the barely illuminated windows of the mansion, it appeared really haunted. Suppose she was about to take me to this ritual or something. Watching too much LMN movies on Sundays messed with my mind. These rituals that officially bonded you to someone or a group. I didn't want to get my palm sliced to contribute blood and I wasn't about to mix potions with anyone.

Maybe she was a freaking vampire!

"Are you a vampire?" I pressed my lips to the side of her helmet. "Because if you are, I know where I want to be bitten."

I could already see her smiling inside there. "Where?"

"Not my neck because that looks like it hurts like hell," I cringed at the thought of it. "Maybe my arm."

"I prefer your inner thigh," she said as we slowed down in front of the entrance to the house. The crunch of gravel filled the night.

I gasped. "So you're a blood sucker?"

She sighed and lifted off her helmet. "Sweetheart, I enjoy biting during foreplay and actual sex," I swallowed, climbing off the bike. "But I'd never draw blood."

"You never answered my question," she got off and tossed her hair around. "Are you or are you not a vampire?"

"I've marked you, by the way," she began walking towards the house and I followed with wide eyes, "in case you didn't notice. Two places. On your inner right thigh and just upon your right hip. Right here," I was shown through her clothes. "Where are we?" arms outstretched, she was breathless.

"Your lair," I watched her walk forward. Regina twirled around on the gravel, knee high leather boots twisting the bricks.

"Remember I mentioned a good friend of mine that offered me a job?" my right hand was taken and I was pulled closer. We locked eyes. "Well she lives here."

"She's a vampire," I stared back.

"Oh cut it out, will you?" Regina sighed. "Get your head out of Twilight and focus." She blinked. "On me. Your breathtakingly sexy girlfriend. I'm not a Bella Swan. I'm way better. And you know it."

I snorted.

"By the way," I was pulled to the front door of the house now, "I hate vampires. I hate cockroaches. Grasshoppers. Moths. Absolutely adore witches and werewolves."

She had to be a Harry Potter fan. Had to. But before I could ask, the freaking black doors to the place opened up. I jumped back and stared at it. Look, if I was about to be sacrificed or something, then let it be painless. Because hell yeah I'd do anything for her at that point. However, getting drawn and quartered or bitten and chewed, ripped to pieces; that wasn't going to happen. Unless her life was in danger. Then I'd barge into a pack of werewolves to save her. I'd give her a lung if I had to.

"In we go," she tugged at my hand and I stayed where I was. I was stared at. "Don't be shy. She only feeds on Sundays."

I stared back in horror.

Laughing hoarsely, she managed to pull me inside and into the dimly lit hall. At first the winding staircase was noticed. Polished floors, a massive chandelier, nice dark brown walls and this guy apparently came with the place. He was tall and pale, like seriously as slim as a post. Bowing, a hand was held out in the opposite direction. Regina immediately cast her eyes that way and moved in that direction. Obviously I had no choice but to follow. That's after I stared the guy down because he looked lifeless. He looked...like a freaking vampire.

"Do my eyes deceive me?" came a woman's voice from within the room we entered.

"No, my dear. I've come as promised." Their heels clicked upon the floor as they walked towards each other and embraced like old friends.

I stared at the older blonde woman dressed in a green sequined dress and couldn't take my eyes off her cleavage. She had too much and exposed most of it for people like me who hardly had a handful to envy. But apparently Regina loved my boobs, and every other part of me. So I didn't care about my body image to that extent anymore.

"And this must be Emma," I was approached, a smile plastered on her beautiful face. Embracing me, a kiss was pressed on either of my cheeks. I hugged back because that's what you're supposed to do. And we stepped away from each other. Her gaze roamed me like if she was checking out a sculpture on display or something. "Regina, you have struck gold with this darling of a woman!"

"Emma, this is Mally, a childhood friend of mine. She's the owner of Flames."

"The magazine," her friend pointed out with a smile, "not the flicker in my fireplace. Although, my intention from the beginning was to burn out Dazzle. Spitting fire into the market and eating up sales."

My hand was taken and I was led closer to my girlfriend who owned a bike and had marked me. Wrapping a hand around my waist, Mally gazed at us.

"Perfect," she clapped her hands. "Perfect. I love it. I can already see a long future filled with happiness, success and children."

That's not something we discussed. Somehow I don't know if it was just my imagination but Regina stiffened up beside me. Knowing why, I immediately took her hand and squeezed it. Our eyes met and she sent me a slightly worried look.

"Oh don't let one slip discourage you, dear," Regina was her focus now. "I've had two but we must move on. Or else, what have we to look forward to in life? Robin," her footsteps led to a staircase and we followed, "is a fuck. Not a good one. But the kind that must feel like being poked with a toothpick."

My hand was squeezed and I felt her tense up. His name was mostly avoided since yesterday.

"Shagging him must be very upsetting, is it not?"

I cleared my throat, wrapping my arm tighter around Regina, "Mally, I really love your mansion. Especially the chandelier in the front hall."

"Bought it in from France," she said, turning to me with a smile. We reached upstairs and I was presented with this mini bar, an open space, a pool table and glass doors leading outside. Beaded green curtains caught my attention, hanging near the doors. And when the entryway was opened and the crash of waves met my ears, I literally melted inside.

The tinkle of glasses couldn't even tear my attention away from the sounds of nature outside. Moving to the glass doors, the wind kissed my face and I stepped out. It was a balcony, large enough to seat like ten people with green leather chairs and a glass table. The railing was iron and mounted upon the two corners were two black painted dragons in different positions but facing the water. Speaking of the water, I had a full view of the shore, waves moving in. And up to this day, I still cannot remember ever finding out what river that was. Couldn't be the Hudson because we were more than a mile away from it. But it could be. I didn't even know a forest existed in New York. So if that was the Hudson then it would come as no surprise.

"Do you play pools, my dear?" the beads created this soothing sound as Mal peeked outside.

I shook my head. "I do but I'm not really good at it to be honest."

She smiled and gestured inside. "Well come on in and witness your girlfriend bend her back whilst using that stick."

That woman. She had a way with words just like Regina. Every single line said by her was somehow interesting. But the most interesting thing of all about her was the green color scheme of the place. I could pinpoint like twenty something objects that were green in that area alone. From the green leather decoration upon the bar wall to the green paintings depicting scenes of forests.

"So how did you two meet?" I gazed at Regina whilst she took the first shot, aiming like a pro and averaging.

"She was getting her head stuffed down the toilet in 3rd grade and I was her superhero. Bad Mal, they used to call me in school," she focused her eyes on me whilst the balls scattered upon the green carpeted surface.

"Why were they chucking your head down a toilet?" I frowned at Regina. She looked at me and sighed.

"I was a little rich nerd with the fanciest of things. Thin as a rake and really smaller than most of the children in my class. So naturally, I was easily picked on."

"But she fought back," Mal said to me, her eyes widening. "She was a feisty little one. I was about five classes above and immediately adopted her as my little sister. Regina used to try to fight them off but she was too small in size."

"Aww," I tried to imagine it and couldn't. She scowled at me.

"Had a tankful of sass though!" Mally took her turn and scored big time. "She still uses it generously."

"How small was she?" I smiled. Regina bent her back gracefully, dark hair falling into her face. She tossed it to the side, lips parted.

"I'd say that around the age of ten she wasn't even five feet tall as yet. Through college, she was lanky and tomboyish. People used to ask if we were seeing each other. But of course she was chasing after her books."

The balls were hit. The game went on, Regina won and then we retreated outside onto my favorite place so far. The balcony. Draping herself across a leather chair like a cat, Mal gazed into the night and sipped on Bourbon. Regina had chosen that too. I took orange juice.

About five minutes after sitting apart from each other, she got up and came over. Then sitting next to me on my right in one of those long lazy boy chairs, her head rested upon my chest. Reaching for my hand, she entwined our fingers and felt so warm like a blanket, my eyes fluttered close. Savoring her body so close, the smell of that apple and wild orchid body wash. Pressing a kiss onto black, soft hair and holding her close.

"The two of you're making me feel quite lonesome," Mal said eventually. "I wish Max was here to even up the pairs."

"Where is Max now?" Regina's every word vibrated through her chest and made me tremble.

"The Caribbean, as usual, business." She sighed. "I was supposed to accompany him but couldn't. Lily is acting up again. She just wouldn't stop getting into trouble."

"Lily," Regina said, upturning her face to look at me, "is her daughter. Around the same age as you."

I sent Mal a look and she smiled back.

"She's in University too, studying Criminal Law. But Lily...is a rebel. Very wild. I tried to tame her but my efforts have proved unsuccessful. Most times, when the calls come in or she's brought here with a police car, I just pay the bribe. But recently she's been mixed up in a bad crowd that might really place her in danger."

"You're referring to Jeanne Di Rosa?"

"That awful girlfriend. So awful." Mal sipped her Bourbon and scowled. "She could have done better instead of winding up in drugs. Why she couldn't find a decent young woman like Emma's kind, I have no idea. Very few young women remain that have their head on and keep some dignity. All of them are throwing themselves around without care."

"That's why she's my one and only," Regina said in that husky voice of hers, smiling up at me. "My love."

After gazing at her for a few seconds, we pressed our lips together, eyes fluttering close. Living in that moment, feeling the passion between us flicker. Knowing that there was more between us than we ever felt for anyone else. And the urge to hold on was stronger.

"How about we go for a late swim?"

Both Regina and I stared at her in disbelief.

"Mal, the weather is chilly."

"The pool is ready downstairs. I can heat up the water, make it nice and warm for us. Of course I wouldn't suggest soaking in water cold enough to chatter your teeth, my dear." Mal rested her glass upon the table.

I didn't see how that was possible since neither Regina or I had on swimwear.

"Oh no worries," Mal said as if reading my mind. "As your girlfriend can tell you, my pool is private and one only swims in one's underclothes. As kinky as possible, anything is accepted. Of course, she always wears flimsy lace so you shouldn't worry."

THANK GOD I DID NOT WEAR MY HELLO KITTY UNDERWEAR.

"Are you okay with that?" Regina pressed her lips upon my ear. "Or do you want to sit and watch me get all wet in front of you?" I swallowed hard, my eyes wide. "Without having a chance to touch me?"

"I'm...in," I said, finding it hard to breathe.

"She's in," Regina alerted Mal.

"Great!" rising up from her seat, so did my teasing girlfriend.

"Let's go," she said softly, taking my hand and pulling.

I moved through the beaded curtain and couldn't wait to see her strip down.


	7. Our First Fall Out At The Pool

**Excerpt:**

**"Will you ride the Ferris Wheel with me?"**

**"No." Her head was shaken feverishly. "I simply cannot do that. I've had a fear of that wheel since I was younger. And there is no way I'm getting on that ride ever again."**

**"Oh come on."**

**"No."**

**"Yes."**

**"No. Emma." She folded her arms. "I will do anything else for you. Except that."**

* * *

Sometimes you just realize that everything you've been through was totally worth it. Like the heartbreaks and being an introvert most times. Apparently as much as I used to stay indoors and stick to myself, somehow I met the three fools in college. And then through college, I still remained really closed up. Mostly studying and then getting that job. I'm just trying to say that maybe being an introvert isn't that bad. People might tell you that you need to be social and hang out to meet potential hook-ups.

But remember how I met her?

Never saw her. She called. Went to pick her up. And boom.

I think the best thing has happened to me and the actuality of it is still kicking in.

She's just beyond amazing. Everything about her is amazing, even her fingers. And call me stupid for saying that but geez, when you're in love, it's like you're looking at an angel. Feeling like the luckiest person. Breathing freely. No hassle. Suddenly finding courage to fight when things go downhill. It's mad.

When Mal turned her back to answer the telephone in another room, Regina just shockingly asked me to undress her.

At first I was stunned because the request came out of nowhere. We were at the poolside now, the stretch of water about...roughly twenty feet long, ten feet wide. The heater had been turned on, the flip of lights illuminating the water and these huge doors had been thrown open. Letting in some fresh air. A bunch of plants and the dark sky visible from where I stood.

The front of my red plaid shirt was tugged at and I snapped my focus back to her.

"I'm here. Focus. Where are you?" she asked hoarsely, tilting her head.

"Just...soaking up the beauty of this place," I studied the swell of honey colored breasts between the pink frills on her pink blouse. "And..." my eyes widened when she started unbuttoning my shirt slowly, smirking.

"And?" her voice was huskier now, obviously affected by lust.

My fingers reached out to move the frills aside slightly. I realized that she was wearing pink lace. Pink. I don't believe it. She was more for darker colors like apple red, blood red, a lighter shade of red and black. But recently I was seeing other sides of her that surprised me. Unless that was the reaction she wanted. To enact some kind of a gasp. Because that's what happened. Especially when I carefully pulled up her blouse and she slipped out of it.

Even when she was helping me out my shirt, tugging at the sleeves, my eyes couldn't leave that one article of clothing.

It was simply beautiful and really cute.

Full breasts, obviously fuller than mine and swelling over the top of lace. Double straps. I quickly unbuttoned her black jeans and the slice of the zip filled the silence.

Other than my breathing, the place was quiet. Then Regina did the one thing to tease me. She always knew how to push my buttons. Turning around even before I could tug her jeans down, she took a hold of my hands and rested them on wide hips. Holding my breath, I continued undressing her, drinking in every contour, flawless skin and smooth legs.

She had on a matching set of lingerie. But the panties were black with pink lace trimmings.

Just as I was marveling over the shape of her butt, my black sports bra was played with. Capturing the top between her fingers and barely tugging downwards. Making me squeal inside from the warmth of her touch. I moved in for a kiss but she turned her face and denied me. We stared at each other and a smile graced her slightly pink lips. I knew that it was just part of the game of teasing me. Damn you, Regina.

Blue jeans off and as usual, her OCD kicked in. Taking our clothes and folding them neatly then making two piles upon a green bench in the corner. I don't want you to think that I used the term OCD loosely because I didn't. She did confess to me that she has it. It's rather annoying and it makes her arrange things in colors, shapes and sizes. Just like her office. And if she doesn't do it, then a slight headache comes on. Which turns into a migraine if anything else is fixed wrong.

"How about we slip in before she gets back?" her toes barely touched the water. She smiled. "It's warm enough."

I mean, I never got the privilege of entering a pool that had a heater system. All the pools I went to and I could count them on one hand, the water was either freezing or cool. So to dip my toes into one that felt luke warm, it was a moment for me.

"After you," I smiled back.

"The oldest one first?"

Even though she kept smiling, mine faded. "Regina, don't."

She shrugged and I could see it on her face. Something had slightly changed.

"Beauty before age?" she suggested, barely smiling.

"Much better," I nodded. "Now jump in before I push you."

The entire process of watching her get in the pool was a really amazing thing to watch. First she neatly sat upon the edge, thighs touching. Then without a splash, she slipped in like a girly girl. No super dive or show off stunts. Just a graceful entry that left me shaking my head but still reveling in how ladylike she was. I for one loved cannon balls and did one without sparing a second. The second I resurfaced, she was staring at me with her hair completely soaked through.

Really I had a good laugh.

"My payback for these small discolorations in your character tonight will be tremendously rough," she glared.

"Rough as in how?" my head bobbed above the water as I doggy paddled to her. "As in foreplay or the actual..."

"The actual what?" she frowned.

"You know..." we were now a foot apart. And let me just say this now, but with dark hair wet, water trailing down her face and shoulders, Regina looked extremely hot.

"Can't you say the word...sex?"

"It sounds so simple and classic," I admitted. "Like reading an old romance book, a word that hardly has enough meaning these days."

"Intense love making then?" she stared at me intently.

I nodded. "Better."

"Or would you prefer passionately and intensely making love until we drive each other insane?"

I swallowed hard and my chest ached, eyes wide. Between my legs felt warmer than the water. "We...could work with...that."

"Have you ever made love to someone in water?"

We gazed at each other and our smiles disappeared. I blinked slowly as she did and felt the warmth around us grow warmer. Better. Somehow we were pulled closer together and my fingers reached out to touch her. Resting on the soft skin around her right hip. The water was just by my elbows. Just perfect. I inched closer, eyes focused on her parted lips and felt the rush. Moving in, our lips were captured in the perfect kiss. So soft and slow, eyes fluttering close. Feeling how we reacted and then there was the click of heels.

Both of us just moved apart by reflex.

"Oh don't stop," Mal said, coming to rest a bottle of Bourbon next to the edge of the pool. She winked at me. "Continue."

"You'll be emptying that, not me," Regina pointed out, brown eyes moving to the bottle.

Mal didn't even make an attempt to take off her green gown. "Why not?" she carefully sat next to the bottle and the bottom of her dress slipped into the water. "Do you wish to remain sober so that you can savor every moment with your Princess?"

"Yes. And I have to ride."

"If it so happens that you become severely intoxicated, a taxi can be arranged, can't it?" she twisted the cap off the bottle and took a hearty swallow.

"I wouldn't want that."

Mal smiled at me. "She's just afraid that you'll finally see what she's like when completely drunk. Regina literally becomes a sixteen year old again. Letting go of herself and all that composure. Loosening up completely. It's actually fun to watch."

I turned to her and was intrigued. "I'd love to see that."

"No you wouldn't," her head was shaken.

"Why not?"

"Because I embarrass myself."

"There's nothing you can do that will come across as embarrassing," I reassured her. She softened a little then splashed water in my face. "Hey!" I chased after her as she dove away and into the pool, further to the deep end which reached like about twelve feet tops.

It was remarkable, going under water and seeking her out. Because she was a good swimmer and could slide through the depth like a fish, toes pointed. But with the sudden adrenaline rush in me, I caught up just before she reached the wall. Hands grabbing each other, she twisted me around and swam off towards Mal again. I watched her go like a pro and groaned. As usual, she was playing hard to get. She always did it. Fighting with me to create a rush inside. To spark me up more. Growling, balling her fists and trying to push me away but still moving in for everything. I loved it.

Suddenly that tall, pale waiter and butler as Mal pointed out earlier showed himself. Coming forward with a silver tray, he lowered it and I stared at the cordless telephone in awe. Why the hell did he need to bring in a phone on a freaking tray? Throwing Regina a look, she smiled at me and bit her lips as if totally getting it.

After Mal spoke frustratingly to someone on the other line, she ended the call and sighed, eyes fluttering close.

"Lily?" Regina frowned.

"Sadly, yes." She got up slowly and I noticed how fragile she was, most likely older than Regina and not so good health-wise. "I'm sorry girls but I'll have to leave briefly to handle Lily at the police station."

"Oh no. Do you wish for us to accompany you?"

"Yeah, do you want us to go with you?" I frowned at her. But she waved us off.

"Oh please don't, my dears. Stay and have fun. I don't know how long I'll take but feel free to stay as long as you like, even occupy one of the guest rooms." She barely smiled and moved to the door. "I'll be back. Oh Carl keep the door closed and make sure no one enters here," she ordered him a frustrated tone. "Give the ladies their privacy."

When she left, we both stared at the door a little longer. It was closed and still we stared at it. Well I did mostly. Regina apparently couldn't wait to shake me out of my skin. I didn't even see her move and only gasped when warm hands slid around me from behind. My chest heaved when her lips pressed kisses onto my back, fingers roaming all over me slowly.

"We shouldn't have let her go alone," I said. "Will everything be okay?"

"Yes. Lily is a trouble maker. Most times she falls into sink holes and cannot come up back without Mal's help. So it's normal. I love your consideration for her well-being though." She slipped to the front of me and pulled us down lower so that the water was around our shoulders. My knees were bent. "Mal's the greatest friend I have. But of course, her life has its ugly stains every now and then too. Naturally when my depression kicked in and such and such, I distanced myself from everyone and she understood."

"Where did you go?" taking a hold of her shoulders, I squeezed gently.

"To my father's estate in the north. Riding horses and separating myself from society. It soothed me in my own way."

I frowned. "But during those times, it's mostly good to be around the people who care about you."

"Chad was in L.A and Kay off at boarding school. You never met me as yet in person so there wasn't a chance of finding comfort there. So I shut myself away. And it's how I heal." She held onto my arms and gazed at me intently. "It is how I deal with things. I'm different. I've been lonely all my life and when shit happens, I manage on my own just fine."

"But bottling stuff up doesn't help," I said softly, "I know what you're talking about. I had my phases in high school and moved through it. But keeping the hurt inside kind of made me tense."

"And did you let it out?" she never stopped looking at me.

"I did, with the guys. I never trusted them at first but then we bonded and they were really comforting. Especially Neal. He's possibly my best friend. Always there when I need him."

She remained silent, nodding slightly. But I detected the look in her eyes.

"He's just a friend."

"And there wasn't ever the...slightest...crush?"

"Honestly? I don't think that I ever had a crush on a guy. They always make me feel itchy around them." I shivered slightly from the thought.

"But Neal...is different..."

"Don't even go there," I warned her with a smile, "it's not worth it. Trust me."

"No, I'm not talking about now," she said hoarsely, "I'm talking about before you met me. Before you picked me up at the airport, I remember you saying something about meeting him. There wasn't a mention of the other two. And had we not met last week Friday. Then would things have been different?"

"I guess we'll never know, which is a good thing," I shrugged and moved away because I wanted to take a dip in the deep end.

But somehow, she analyzed my move as an escape from further questions. Getting away from the truth.

"I've also noticed that you haven't been seeing your friends since last week."

I shook water from my face and blinked. She still remained there, so far away it seemed and the look on her face ached my chest.

"Are you avoiding them?"

"Why would I avoid them?" I didn't like her questions. "I saw them last night actually. Bumped into them with Chad."

"It's good that you can hang out with people your age," she said, her voice huskier than before. "At least there is more fun in that these days."

"Fuck," I swore silently and grew frustrated. Refusing to answer her, my head was lowered and I allowed myself to sink to the bottom.

Whilst I was sinking, my mind just went crazy because she needed to stop with the freaking age references! It was getting frustrating. All the time I kept telling her the same damn thing and still her fears latched itself onto every single moment we shared. If it wasn't verbally announced, it was in between her lines. Or the way she handled me. It really pissed me off because I kept thinking that maybe she was the one who had a problem with my age and was turning the tables on me.

When my eyes resurfaced, she was staring at me. Oh my God, she needed to stop this. To shut it down right now before something was said and we both regretted it.

"I apologize for whatever was said that...made you feel the need to put me on mute," she said without a smile.

Here we go. "It's nothing, forget it. The water feels so great," I tried to change the subject, floating on my back and smiling widely.

"I can be annoying sometimes. I know that."

"You're not annoying. You're amazing." My eyes studied the ceiling and noticed that Mal had actually fitted a huge painting of a starry night sky up there.

"I am really insecure these days and I am annoying you."

"No you're not. Just stop talking about age gaps and stuff. It's slightly annoying."

The water splashed and I lifted my head to detect her moving nearer. "Emma, I am really worried that you'll grow bored of me and you'll...leave me. And I can't stop thinking about it. It is slight paranoia but in full effect occasionally."

"What do I have to do to prove to you that it doesn't matter?" Somehow I sounded too harsh and regretted it because it was never meant to be like that.

"I don't know," she said in a small voice. "I'm sorry. I don't believe you. No matter how many times you say it."

"Why the hell not?" I allowed my feet to touch the ground and studied her face.

She inhaled deeply, "because you're really attractive. You're the kind of woman every young man wants. And I don't understand why you would want a woman like me to begin with."

"Just stop it, okay?" my eyes burned from holding back tears. "Stop it and let it go. Because I don't want to do this right now. I don't want to keep repeating myself to you. Over and over again."

"Okay," she said weakly.

"Now let's swim and have a good time."

"I don't want to swim," she said.

"Then stay where you are."

"You're angry at me."

"How in the world she manages to keep the water just at this temperature is so cool," I glanced around me, completely ignoring what she last said. "Maybe it's in the filter system or something."

She was staring at me still. I couldn't do it. Honestly I couldn't because we had the most amazing day. We had the best moment ever at the Hudson Terrace and to tell me that I couldn't convince her as yet that age didn't matter, it really made me angry. But I hid it well because that was me. The big concealer. Like Loreal's best liquid foundation. I coated my anger and hid it.

Swimming away from her, I reached the wall and allowed myself to sink lower. Pretending to check for something like the vents but I didn't. I wasn't checking for anything. I was trying to give her time to move past the moment and forget about it. But she obviously couldn't. Regina was the kind of woman to hold onto things and stay there. She wanted reactions and she wanted them at any cost. Even if it meant making me cry. Because that's exactly what she did.

"Am I enough?" she asked from the other side of the pool.

I was so angry at that point, I didn't think before answering. "I should ask you the same thing since you're the one who keeps bringing up the age thing."

"What does that mean exactly?"

With my back to her still, I pretended to study the paintings on the wall covered in clear plastic to avoid damage. "Maybe I'm the one who needs to ask if I'm enough for you."

"Yes you are."

"Am I?" I turned to face her and she blinked. "Am I even enough? Why the hell do you keep asking me the same thing all the time if I am? Because I've told you you're enough. And yet you can't believe. Maybe it's because it's the other way around. You have a problem with my age."

"No I don't," her voice was so hoarse.

"Yes you do. I bet you wish I was older, like in my forties or something. Then it would make you feel so much better." I punched the water as the tears slipped out, tears hotter than the pool. "I bet you regret it every single time we're together, don't you?" I croaked, staring at her. "Like just now upstairs when Mal said Lily's my age. Kay's my age. Your son's like three years older than me. I bet it makes you feel totally wrong. Being with me."

"Emma -"

"You know what?" my chest hurt so bad and I couldn't stop. "Just do me a favor and tell me the truth. Give it to me bluntly since you're so good at doing that. Tell me so that I can have my heart broken right now and leave."

Her face contorted as she began to cry. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"That's it then?" I couldn't breathe.

"No," she began to move towards me and I backed up into the wall. "I don't want you to leave."

"Then say something to me because I don't know what else to do," I whispered. "I don't. I don't know what to say and how to say it to convince you. I don't know and I want to know. I want you to tell me what I have to do because I can't...stop the way I feel about you, okay? I'm really in love with you. For the first time I'm scared of having someone leave me like this. I've always been alone."

"I'm not going to leave you," she came closer to me, tears trailing down her cheeks.

"Then do you want to be my friend?" I stared at her through tears. "Is that it? Because I don't want to be your friend and I can't be your friend. So if that's what you want then I'll have to quit my job, move into campus and stay there for the next two years. Then I'll go to some other city and never contact you again and -"

"Emma!" she cried, moving in closer and trying to take my arms but I shrugged them off.

"I'll probably fail my Degree. So I guess I should say in advance, thanks for walking into my life and fucking it up."

She grabbed my arms and I tried to move away. But I was fought with. Breathing through her lips, Regina pressed me hard against the wall and our legs twisted together. Immediately we went below water without preparing. Fighting. Trying to touch me. I pushed my legs downwards and managed to resurface but she wouldn't stop. From the moment she crushed her lips onto mine, I grew weak. So weak, my head spun dangerously.

Regina kissed me as if the world was about to end. So passionately, I couldn't fight her off anymore because her mouth moved upon mine and the water only lubricated the kiss even more. She moved up and down, rubbing our bodies together until I moaned, feeling a hand between my legs. It reached a point where I was literally growing insane from the way we kissed. Different from before and completely sensual, fingers gripping my hair, as she moved our cheeks together and moaned against me. She was on fire and the warm water only made me sweat more from it. So did she. I tasted her when my teeth grazed across that perfect jawline. Sucking on her neck and feeling a hand tug my panties lower.

But she had already gotten me so revved up, I couldn't allow her to take control of me. Not this time. Not after that moment. Not after making me cry like that.

Twisting her around so that she was against the wall, I attacked her mouth and ravished her with a deep kiss. So deep, she gasped when we pulled apart, brown eyes wide. Moving in for another long one, Regina trembled against me when my hand slid down her torso. I tugged her panties lower and she still fought with me. The feel of lace was bothersome. Which was a first.

She fought with me, trying regain control. I allowed my finger to massage between her legs slowly before the moment. So that when not one but two fingers entered her, she arched her back. Lips parted, brown eyes grew unfocused, her legs grew limp. And I began to thrust into her, not slow at first but fast and hard. Eventually, her hands found my shoulders and held onto them as she was lifted slightly whilst I continued making love to her with more passion than ever before. Never slowing down, even when she stared at me with wide eyes, her chest heaving uncontrollably.

I gripped around her shoulders with my free hand and felt when she came hard, twisting between me and the wall. Shaking. Burying her hoarse cries into my neck and holding me so tight, I couldn't breathe properly. It actually stunned me when I was pushed over the edge too without an effort. Just from feeling how she tightened around my fingers, I managed to let go and it was the best feeling in the world.

Very soon, her legs wrapped around me as our panties suddenly drifted away without me noticing. And grinding our hips together, we kissed and moaned through the next wave of passion that kept coming and growing stronger. I had to take a hold of the ledge behind her to keep myself up, moving our bodies together in unison and using our hands to massage each other. The second time she came, it was so deeper than the last, Regina was breathless. She convulsed from every wave and I felt how warmer between her legs grew. Holding my breath, I went under water and made the most of it, using my mouth on her and tasting every single wave.

Somehow, I didn't even struggle to breathe whilst under there and stayed for a span of time that felt so long. Because she was sucked and my tongue entered her until she came again. Trembling against me. It was then when I bobbed up and was snatched. She kissed me hard as her body shook. My neck was bitten until it ached. We continued to drive each other insane until we both felt so weak, my arms literally couldn't move.

It's safe to say that Mal didn't return that night to find us there. We left like around ten and sped through the night without stopping. I held onto her so tightly, she curled into me like a comma.

Saturday came and went like a normal day. We had dinner together and watched a movie. Sunday was relaxing. She cooked for me and then there was a conference call at three in the afternoon. It lasted for like five hours and during that time, I tormented her until a stack of papers was rolled up and I was lashed away.

"So the figures totaled up to forty five thousand," she tapped away on her laptop, headset on, eyes focused. "Okay and the estimate for the last three months? Okay..."

I sneaked into the bed and loved how she looked with her black rim glasses on.

"Hey," I whispered, smiling.

She waved me off, "I have a hard time understanding why they wish to claim for February when they withdrew their page. Remember Sally, they're the ones paying most of the sum to get themselves inside Dazzle." I tucked stray strands that fell into her face behind an ear and was pushed away.. Scowling, I went in again.

"I'm bored," I whispered. "Like really, really bored."

"If she wanted to clarify that then she should have called," Regina ignored me.

"I need cuddles," I said, "like right n- -" she pressed her fingers upon my lips, eyes focused on the screen.

"Yes. Yes." She scooped up a small chocolate ball from her plate of snacks and pushed it into my mouth. Brown eyes flicked to me and I stared back in astonishment. I chewed. A smile graced her lips and the tapping continued on the keyboard. "Fax me the sheet." I sat back and pouted. "Go fetch it for me," she said five minutes later, smirking.

I refused to and was glared at.

After fetching the sheet, I returned outside and flipped through the channels. Finding Nemo was on and I watched the entire movie, falling asleep afterwards on her chair. When she woke me up four hours after, I was groggy enough. Crawling into bed with her, the sheet was fixed over me. And I was hugged, my face buried into her right shoulder.

One week after and the age thing was never brought up ever again. Somehow, that night in the pool did something. I was gazed at even in a room full of people and she never made an effort to look away. Even Ruby noticed and asked me what that was about. The way she purposely came up to my desk more often now and asked me how I was doing every single day.

Three weeks after we first met each other and two weeks after that pool moment, Regina actually threw the biggest hint ever to Ruby that something was going on between us. She came up to my desk and asked me to lunch. Just like that. Not through calling me or texting. But straight up. Boldly. And just when I thought that was the end of it, she took me down to the cafeteria and we sat together whilst all of her employees threw glances at us.

It was really nerve wrecking, sitting there whilst she gazed at me intently and I did the same. Eventually, I struck up a conversation and the glances stopped.

"What's this about?" I frowned at her.

She chewed on slices of apples and wouldn't look away from me. "What do you mean?"

"This," I shrugged, pushing around green beans in my plate. "You. Bringing me here. Us in front of them."

"Do you like it?" brown eyes studied me. "It doesn't make you feel uncomfortable, does it?"

"Slightly," I admitted, noticing that a couple guys from the middle floor were watching us still. "Are you hoping for us be open about being together then?"

"Why not?" she smiled at me. "I'm prepared to let the entire world know about us. I gather that you'd do the same?"

I nodded, still a bit worried about the consequences.

"Dating the boss isn't exactly a good thing to put in my recommendation when I get sacked though," I reminded her. "And I will get sacked. No confusion, but I want to do this. I want to let them know, especially Robin. But when I lose my job, I don't know where I'll go."

"Easy," she smiled warmly this time, "move to Flames with me. Mal has already agreed and it would be a perfect opportunity for you. I wouldn't be the CEO, I'll be the V.P and there are programs they offer that train you for the job. You can easily slip into a Senior position by the end of this year."

"Really?" my eyes were wide.

"Yes. And look at it this way, you will need MY recommendation. Not Robin, nor my mother. But me. I'm prepared to put in more than a good word for you. But that's only if you're willing to take the chance and leave this place."

I scoffed. "Seriously? I can't wait to get out this place to be honest. Especially with your mom and Robin running the show after you leave? No way am I staying."

We gazed at each other.

"So let's do it then?"

"Why not?" I smiled back.

Reaching across the table, I took her right hand and squeezed it. Never caring about what my colleagues thought. Never even looking around. Because when we looked at each other, the entire world zoned out. The place was put on mute instantly. And there was only her. Just her. Of course, I had to deal with Ruby when lunch was over. From the time I returned to my desk, she pulled her chair over and moved in close.

"You did it, didn't you?" chin resting on her palm, she studied my face.

I typed away and pretended to no nothing. "I did what?"

"You could have told me, you know."

"About what?"

She punched my arm lightly and surprised me completely. "About dating Regina." I sent her a look of disbelief. "I suspected that you two were getting close. And recently from the way she's been looking at you, I'm convinced. So don't sit there and pretend as if nothing's happening because after lunch downstairs, we all know."

Swallowing hard, I tried to smile. "Yeah."

"Yeah?" her face was moved closer and she obstructed my vision. "Don't ignore me. I need to know more! Like when did it start and stuff. Are you two like dating officially? Does Robin know? What's going on?"

"Yeah, we're...dating and we're together," I admitted. "I don't know if he knows as yet though. But when he does, as was said before, I hope he chokes on his words."

"Oh he will!" she laughed. "Oh God, I would pay to see his face when he finds out. He's going to feel so freaking bad. Especially after telling her that she can't pick up anyone at that age. You're so lucky though! She must be totally amazing to date and stuff."

If she was talking about Regina's wealth, I couldn't care less. If she was talking about anything else, I cared and I would admit that it was really amazing.

"It just happened. One minute we met and then I just..." I shrugged, "I fell completely in love with her."

"So what's the sex like then?"

"Geez," my neck grew warm. I avoided her eyes. "Don't go there."

"I bet she's a topper. I bet she loves to be all kinky."

"Not saying," I was smiling, eyes on the computer screen. "Totally not going there. It's kind of private."

"Is she like the first woman you've ever been with then? Are you gay or what? Because I've seen you hanging out with this dude. What's his name? Neal? Archie knows him from college."

"First time and I'm all gay when it comes to her. Neal?" I studied her face and frowned. "Archie knows him?" Then rolling my eyes, I wouldn't doubt it. "What am I asking? Apparently Neal knows everyone."

"Archie does Psychology and stuff. So maybe they crossed paths on campus. So back to Neal..."

"There is nothing going on between Neal and me," I painfully remembered that night when Regina started questioning me about that. "Nothing at all."

"No, I'm not saying that there is, I'm just asking if there was anything before you met the boss."

Phones rang all around us and Regina's office remained close. She had gone to see her doctor about something I wasn't told about.

"To be honest, he's a great guy and all but I don't think I would have tried it. But I guess I'll never know and I don't want to know."

"Which is a good thing. Things happen to us when we least expect it. Like she just walks in and she wraps a string of lights around your heart. You're glowing these days. I should have noticed sooner."

"Well..." I shrugged.

Eventually she let me go and I returned to my work. Focusing on typing up a memo that detailed new regulations like the new fingerprint sign in system downstairs. Before we used to use a card but that created problems, employees stealing time and claiming more. Now the fingerprint system should be better.

I doubted whether I'd be here long enough to see it enacted though because from the looks of it, Regina was soon to be sacked. She told me that it would most likely be without notice. And she wanted to do it the good old fashioned way, walk out of the job before facing humiliation by anyone coming to fire her in person.

Something was bothering me though. Suppose they didn't want to sack her and it was just a show? Suppose they were trying to pressure her to leave the job when it wasn't necessary? Getting her to walk out just like that? Because she was the freaking CEO. She was the one in charge of both companies in L.A and in New York. Her mother was the owner but Regina ran the company since she was like my age. For over twenty years! How the hell could you just fire someone like her when she really didn't do anything to deserve that?

Wasn't the damn Board sympathetic about this?

I suddenly had an idea.

I don't know what came over me but it was becoming a headache and I had to know. So I went to the one person who always gave me the inside information other than Ruby in there. Hickson. Just for the record, he can be a bitch mostly, acting totally gay but he really isn't. The guy has three kids, has a really loving wife and he's just into his artsy side. He actually invited me to this gathering he had when I first started working here unofficially in December. And they have this loving family that bonds and plays games and stuff, the piano, hangs out.

He was flipping through a portfolio of some kind when I knocked and entered. His office had a nice skyline view and was very simple but with many computer stations where all his geeks worked. His minions, he called them. The guys and ladies who helped to fit the pages one after the other in the magazine. Every page was fitted for a reason. Every thing on every page had been debated on and decided on where to go.

"Carl hates you, by the way," he smiled, eyes lowered upon the glass table.

"I'm not surprised," I closed the door and was glad that the office was empty. "I don't even know why she called me in to begin with."

"After the revelations today, I'm going to make a wild guess here but it looks like..." he gestured to the stool next to him, "Regina really treasures you in her life and just wanted your opinions."

I sighed and sat down. "So you heard."

"Oh I saw too, honey," he closed the portfolio and smiled at me, his bald head shining. "Holding hands can only mean one thing. And you two are gazing at each other like teenagers in love. I'd call that romance."

I shrugged, elbows on the table, chin captured upon my palms.

"So it's the usual then?" he stared at me. "Coming here to get more information on her or more information on the company?"

"The first one..."

"Just company-wise," he reminded me. "I don't talk personal. Not that I know much about her personal life. I have mine to deal with. And three hormonal teenagers are too much to handle already."

"This thing going around about her getting sacked, right?" I leaned forward and frowned. "What's your take on it?"

"You mean my personal opinion or according to what the Board says?" he took off his glasses and looked at me.

"Both but mostly about the Board since you're on it in more ways than one."

His brother was on the Board of Directors and his wife Maggie. Both of them were super Directors, and everyone knew about them. The other five Directors, we really didn't give a shit about.

"Well it's all mumbo jumbo if you ask me," he sighed, rubbing his forehead, "I understand that you might love her endlessly at this point, but Regina has really pushed her limits with Dazzle. Just between you and me, she's never worked alongside Robin. He approves a deal, she shuts it down. She approves her own deal. Things like that. And the board grew severely frustrated with their bickerings. To a point where they wanted to demote her to V.P and put someone else in the CEO chair. Not Robin..." he smiled wryly when I stared at him. "Someone else. Someone from outside most likely."

A few people moved past the office and we remained silent even though they couldn't hear us.

"The thing about Regina is this, she's highly qualified more than any other candidate for the job. She has the contacts, the charm, the sass to handle things, her mother is the owner. But she's got to control herself if she wishes to stay."

"So there is a chance she could not be sacked?"

"Her mother wants her gone. So that overrides the board's decision. And she wants to go. She doesn't want to stay."

I realized that was true. Regina didn't want to stay at all. So why was I even asking what the Board thought? She'd leave one way or the other. And there was no stopping her at all.

"I just thought that she was being tricked or something into leaving, like it's kind of unfair to have them sack her. I mean, none of this is her fault. It sounded as if her mother wants her gone because she's gay."

"That's most of it. But remember, they have to find solid reasons relating to the company to fire someone. They've found that. Like I said before," he cleared his throat, "making contradicting deals, going against her V.P. We all understand that they had problems but when it comes to the company, you have to put aside your personal feelings and choose what's best for the company."

"And she didn't do that?" I frowned, "geez, sorry if I sound a bit defensive but you I'm totally on her side through anything."

"I understand that completely and so am I." He smiled.

"Why couldn't they fire Robin?"

"Because Robin has the mother's vote. Robin stayed out of the public's eyes whilst Regina raged through it. Emma, let's just say that she once cut out one of our best contributors because the lady who owns the brand was the mother of her ex-lover."

"May?"

"No, not May. May is the owner of a competing magazine. Glamour. May is an entirely different story but very related. She also dated May's son and after the breakup, May has been striking our contributors with better deals, lower prices and everything else. Dazzle seems to hold on its own though, apart from all this drama. People want to get their work inside the pages. Not to argue with the CEO. But she's been rubbing a lot of people the wrong way for years."

"They have this list, Emma," he opened his hands about a foot long, "with things she's done that can have her dismissed. And it's not because she's gay."

"She's literally sitting on an invisible chair then," I said softly.

"In a way of speaking, yes."

"Then why is she still doing her job up to this day when she knows they will fire her?"

He smiled. "Honey, your girlfriend is dedicated to her job. Has been for over twenty years. It's like the blood that runs through her veins. And she does it like breathing. So regardless, if she knows that they'll sack her tomorrow, Regina will come to work and sign off deals, talk to people and work per normal. That's how powerful she is. Which brings me to another thing. If she leaves this job, many other magazines will fight to get her. She's that good. The woman can literally handle a room full of men with the poise of a Queen in a way."

"I believe that." I smiled.

"I've seen her. We've been to conventions all over the world, fashion week, exhibits, debates. She's...incredible. She never shows weakness whilst in the game. She never backs down until she gets what she wants. And everyone knows her. All the magazines in Europe. Everyone over here. Her name is global."

No wonder she chose to go with Flames. She sidestepped all the other offers and went with her friend. That was most likely a good move. At the end of the day, working with strangers, you had no idea what they were capable of. But working with a friend was even worse sometimes. You had no idea what someone you trusted could do to you. Mal seemed pretty good though, very genuine. She knew Mal since they were kids. And if Mal could offer me a position too then that was enough convincing.

I didn't tell him about Flames though. I couldn't. Regina obviously wanted that to be secret.

There was a knock on the glass and I turned around to see no other than the person in question standing there. Smiling, Hickson waved her in and the door was pushed inwards.

Today she was wearing a purple shirt with khaki tailored pants and her black rimmed glasses were on. The silver bangles around her wrists jingled, music to my ears when she came towards us.

"Hi, hi," she sounded breathless.

"Oh don't worry," he held up his hands defensively, "she's just here asking questions about the company."

"I don't mind," my back was lightly patted. Standing next to me, she had this effect. It was instant. And I couldn't ignore the way she made me feel by just being so close. "Since you two are here together I'll just break the news then."

"What's that?" Hickson frowned.

"Tomorrow is my last day here," she shrugged. We both stared at her at first without speaking. "Oh don't look so shocked. You're both aware this was going to happen. If not tomorrow then next week or...next month."

"Yes but have they issued the termination notice or are you just walking?"

"I'm walking." She actually smiled. "And I've never felt better in my life..."

I frowned, eyes lowered.

"Work-wise, my love," she said. I felt a kiss pressed onto my cheek and lost my breath. Hickson was grinning. "He knows what it was like for me in here. Constantly debating as if the bastard and I were on opposing teams. So to leave, I feel as if I'm finally free. Free to do what I want with my life."

"With someone you love..." he added.

"With someone I love and with new prospects ahead."

His eyes widened. "I take it you're going with a competitor then?"

"You know me so well," she laughed. He did and his eyes shone. "Oh but don't worry, I'm about to show my mother what I'm really worth."

"Bring down Dazzle," he whispered, "take me along with you when it crumbles."

"We have to discuss that soon," she pointed at him. "I want to take you with me as well. You, Ruby, Emma and Charles."

"You mean pizza guy from accounts?" he stared back in awe.

Charles always spontaneously bought a round of pizzas for random floors like every three months. He was a jolly fat guy with a bald head. Kind of like Santa Clause and he was Santa Clause last Christmas in the office.

"The very same. The four of you deserve better. And the pay is better, so don't lose sleep on that tonight."

I was whisked away and pushed into an empty conference room on the third floor. Closing the door behind us, she shocked me by moving in for a kiss. It was so deep, I grew weak in the knees and couldn't breathe. Running her fingers through my hair, unclasping my ponytail holder and pressing me upon the wall. I held onto her shoulders and moaned when arms were wrapped around me. Pulling me closer and nuzzling our cheeks together. Wow. That's all I could say.

"I love you so much, Emma," she whispered into my right ear, holding me still. "Remember that every second of every day."

"I never forget," I said, my throat aching, hugging her back and feeling how warm she was. "I can't wait till we're out of this place."

"It will be better."

"You'll be my boss still, right?" I smiled when she rested our foreheads together.

"In bed or company-wise?" she smirked.

"Company-wise, you tease."

"Yes. Vice President. Mal wants a new assistant. Ruby is delighted to hear I suggested her. Since you're more inclined to marketing, would you like that department or something else?"

"Marketing definitely," I agreed with a smile. "Just don't put me as your assistant because that would be too hard."

"Okay. Then Marketing it is." Resting her palms upon either side of my face, I was kissed softly. Her lips lingered near we stayed that way.

The sounds around us came back gradually. Phones ringing, the traffic outside. And then hushed silence because within these walls, no one spoke just like that. It was strictly work. No gossiping, no laughing or rude behavior. Just work.

"What did you have to see the doctor for?" I finally asked, my hands wrapped around her waist, our bodies pressed together. She was the same height as me that day because I was wearing flat shoes. She had on black high heeled boots.

"My gynecologist," she said in that husky voice of hers, "I'm supposed to go for a monthly checkup since I miscarried."

I frowned. "And is everything okay?"

"Not quite." Her chest heaved and I studied brown eyes. She gave me that same look the night when Mal talked about children. "But I'll tell you more tonight."

"Regina..." I was so worried.

"It's nothing terminal, sweetheart," she tried to smile but it was stiff. "I'm not dying. We'll talk about it tonight. Do you want to stay in or go out?"

"What would make you feel better?" I caressed her face.

"Once I'm with you, Emma, I always feel entirely better."

"I'm an introvert, so you know I don't have great suggestions for going out."

"Then let me surprise you," she said smiling. "I am an introvert as well, and when I'm with you, my courage and self-esteem are boosted. Which is why I can finally ride again. Emma, I haven't ridden my motorcycle in over a year. And you've changed that. So we're both introverts."

I blinked at her as she stared at me lovingly and we couldn't detach ourselves from each other.

"I have the weekend off."

"You do?" I suddenly realized that if she walked out tomorrow then sure she'd have the weekend off.

"Two whole days. No work." Regina smiled at me.

"You really need some rest. To sleep and to sleep some more and get all lazy." I tucked dark hair behind her ears, some still falling into those gorgeous brown eyes.

"I really need to be with you," she said hoarsely, "and the last time we were intimate was precisely two weeks ago."

"That's because you've been so busy, on calls and getting home late. By the time we kiss, you're already falling asleep, remember?"

"Yes. I know," hanging her head, she frowned. "I've been a really bad girlfriend, haven't I?"

"No..." I pressed a kiss onto her nose, "you've been really busy. I get it. Plus they exhaust you too much, babe. I'm glad you have two days off. Recently you've been too tangled up in their shitty work. And it doesn't even matter now because you're leaving."

"Then let us do something spontaneous tonight," she suggested, "let us take a ride somewhere and stop anywhere that looks most appealing. Even the riverside near the Hudson. Or..."

"There's a Carnival in town," I smiled widely at her. "The guys asked me if I wanted to go. They offered two tickets but I forgot to ask you."

She blinked. "Will they be going tonight as well?"

"Yeah, they go every night when it comes to town actually. After work. Last year we went all week together and rode every single ride twice."

I caught the look in her eyes. I caught it and saw even before she blinked it away. That look of uncertainty because of two factors. Either seeing the Three Stooges again or specifically Neal.

"Regina," I pulled her nearer and rested our foreheads together, "he's just a friend. He's nothing else. I swear, okay? Don't think otherwise."

Without answering, I was gazed at and then she smiled. "Okay, let's go."

I stared at her with wide eyes. "Really?"

"Yes." She nodded.

"Will you ride the Ferris Wheel with me?"

"No." Her head was shaken feverishly. "I simply cannot do that. I've had a fear of that wheel since I was younger. And there is no way I'm getting on that ride ever again."

"Oh come on."

"No."

"Yes."

"No. Emma." She folded her arms. "I will do anything else for you. Except that."

"Will you ride the spaceship one then?"

Brown eyes widened. "Would you like to give me a heart attack? Something hovering over the ground?"

"Noo," I laughed. "It's this horizontal wheel you get onto. It's a ride that everyone stands up on, strapped around the interior corner of the wheel. And it just goes around and around."

"It sounds safe."

"It's safe. I can't wait," I said, already growing excited. "Oh geez, Carnivals are the best ever. Since I was a kid, dad used to take me to them in Maine. And we'd get on all the rides. Now it's even better because I'm going with you."

"Okay then let's do it."

She agreed that this time, I'd pick her up in my car. Because really and truly, she had taken me too many places already. And this time, I felt the need to take her. I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait and I made a promise.

I'd get her to ride the Ferris Wheel whether she liked it or not.


	8. And She Really Likes The Guys

**Excerpt:**

" ** _My love," she pressed our lips together, palms pressed upon my face, "the actual process of having a baby, it is more than you think. Those nine months when I'm by your side. Whenever it happens. That time is crucial. And after that time, we'll have a baby that is more ours than everything else."_**

" ** _First comes love," I said, "then comes marriage. Then comes you know what."_**

**_She gazed at me and something passed in her eyes. I saw it. "If you only could know how many times I've married you in my dreams, Emma. Then you'd realize how insanely in love I am with you. I've never seen the future like this with anyone else. But with you, everything seems possible."_ **

" ** _Everything," I repeated after her._**

* * *

She had slipped into a red long sleeved jersey that hugged her full breasts and made my eyes linger a little too long. Also wearing a pair of black jeans, she looked so stunning, I had to gather myself before getting out the car. Because there the woman of my dreams stood, leaning upon the wall just outside the apartment building, just near the glass doors that always clicked close for security reasons.

Larry, a tall beefy guard wearing a blue, already creased uniform was standing on the other side of the double doors. He had a radio pressed to his right ear and was obviously listening to a game. But Regina stood there like a Goddess, observing the scene around her in silence.

Black leather boots, feet crossed at the ankles, right behind left. Shoulder length, layered dark hair that fell into her brown eyes. Eyelashes fluttering when we'd gaze at each other. Red painted lips that were soft and intoxicating to kiss. Splayed fingers that now closed around her thighs. Even the street lamp gazed down upon her with awe. Illuminating the sidewalk but appearing to cast a warmer glow around the very being it beheld. And as the light wind blew in and around the city, somehow it managed to capture her hair and lift it gently. Making her appear even more beautiful. As fresh as her kisses that always lingered on my skin many hours after.

I was like a sixteen year old in love.

She saw me coming and immediately smiled.

"Ready?" I tossed my car keys up and caught it.

Never moving, she jerked her chin across the street. "Would you believe that I have never set foot into that place?"

It was the same place Killian had professed his love for Chad within. Just behind the glass windows. Along the counter we had sat like birds.

"For as long as I've been here, possibly over ten years, I've never been in there," she said, her husky voice tingling my insides as usual. "The man who owns the place, he lives right above me. His name's Chuck."

"Chuck Norris?" I widened my eyes purposely to get a rise out of her. "Are you serious?"

"Yes." She stared back. "The very same. A ranger from Texas supposedly residing in New York and he owns a bar. You twat."

"I love it when you get all worked up," I tilted my head and smiled. "Makes you look so, so cute."

"He's round as a barrel and looks like Danny Devito. Half my height."

"Maybe he IS Danny Devito," I teased her, leaning in closer. "In disguise."

She rolled her eyes, hands thrown up in frustration. "Why do I even try?" Moving away from the wall, heels clicked as my car was approached.

"Try calling him Danny next time, see if he responds," I said, following close behind. "Like just lean in and whisper, 'I know it's you, Danny. Danny Devito.' And see how his face changes."

"Open the damn car before I bite you," she scowled, standing there with her arms folded.

"Bite me," I refused to follow the order, just a foot between us. "I can't wait until you -"

Stepping forward, she made me gasp when her arms wrapped around me. I was snatched. Twisting my body around as the heels of our shoes clicked without rhythm upon the sidewalk. Then pressing me against my own car, I wasn't kissed fully on the lips But my request was granted because her warm mouth closed around that sensitive spot just below my right ear. Sucking like a vampire and driving me crazy. Head spinning, I couldn't focus, eyes fluttering close when I felt every inch of her already.

Larry had disappeared.

When we reached the carnival and I had parked my little yellow bug neatly between two vehicles, she still couldn't stop touching me. All along the way my right lap was massaged, fingers edging upwards and lower. Feeling me and making my heart race because we hadn't been intimate between the sheets for a long time. Work had gotten the most of us. And since she reminded me about it earlier, I was thinking more and more about making love to her as soon as possible.

I got out. She did. We walked to the entrance that was lit up with colorful lights and like every occasion that went by, there I stood admiring the freaking Carnival. In awe. How the ground was huge, just near the river side and surrounded by a large white fence. You couldn't see the end of the activities from where we stood. In fact, there were more rides here than the last one to come. But the best one of all were the Carousel and the Ferris Wheel. The latter was already descending slowly, blinking lights studded around the wheel. The sound of laughter filling the air.

I took her left hand in mine and we went to the ticket booth.

It wasn't long before the Three Stooges were detected. Lingering near the 'Hammer of Strength' as it was called then. I watched Will flex his bony arms and with feet planted firmly, the hammer was taken up. The other two hid their laughter behind hands as Scarlet swung downwards and barely pushed 50%. Last year I remembered the stuffed animals they won for me. Swallowing sodas and sweets until we suffered from double vision. A sugar rush that ended badly. But now I was happily taken and in her company. It was my turn to win her a stuffed animal because she was mine. All mine.

"Look, you don't have to show off about it, mate," Killian massaged his upper right arm and winced. "My grip wasn't firm enough. I could have managed a win."

"In your dreams," Will scoffed, his eyes always appearing too huge, almost as if he was permanently staring at anything or anyone in disbelief. "50 is all you managed. Because 50 is what you get."

"Ass."

Killian eyed Neal picking up the hammer and just as my buddy was about to swing downwards, Will poked his neck. The effect was really funny because Regina and I stopped to watch. The hammer went down like if he was Zeus or something. Swinging with so much force and then toppling forward. We all watched the reader climb up to 100% and the ding rang through the area. Eyes were wide all around, even the guy who was manning the game stared up in disbelief.

"Oh fuck," Killian appeared dazed, still staring upwards. "Mate, you did it."

Just as Neal was collecting his prize, a white fluffy cat with a red bib, the laughter erupted. Apparently giving a guy something like that was funny but I didn't see it that way although a smile did tug at my lips. Regina snorted at my side when Neal turned the cat this way and that.

"Does it talk or something?" he asked the guy, frowning.

"No, sorry."

"Dude, I swing 100 and you give me a frigging cat?" Neal stared.

"What do you want? A Hercules action figure?" he was smiled at. The guy bent down and picked up the hammer then handed it to someone else. "Or do you want a Popeye doll?"

"Screw you, man," Neal tucked the cat under his arm and glared. He threw the other two who couldn't stop laughing glares. "Let's go."

When he saw me standing there, the anger within his eyes softened out and I was smiled at. I prepared myself to be approached and threw a glance at Regina. She considered them with wary eyes and said nothing. But apparently Neal was just a charmer as Killian. Instead of handing me the cat, he held it out in Regina's direction. At first I was like, wait, hold up, I want that! It's so white and soft looking, I'd love to have it on my bed. Then she was offered it.

"For a beautiful woman who's completely worth it," he said smiling.

I wasn't sure she'd accept it. Honestly, because of her dislike for him. There she stood staring at the cat and as if drawn to it's fluffiness, a move was finally made.

Regina's right hand closed around the cat's abdomen, her fingers buried into the soft white fur. "Thank you."

"And once you're worth it to Emma," he looked at me, "then you're worth it to us too. So don't mention it."

She smiled and blinked. Her lips were bitten. The cat was held close and my hand was squeezed. I guess that was a sign or something. That she was slightly impressed and was softening up to him at least. But the other two couldn't be controlled. Especially Killian. He felt the need to always equal up to Neal's charms with the ladies. Very soon, she was holding another stuffed animal. And this time it was a purple squirrel about the size of my hand. Her cheeks slightly blushed.

"We're making you look bad, Em," Neal winked at me. "Win something for your woman. Up your game."

"Shut up," I said scowling.

Regina was tugged away and I bought us tickets to ride the Carousel. At first she wouldn't agree to get on the horse with me. It was a double saddle one, a nice chestnut with green eyes.

"It is for children," she said hoarsely, leaning in closer, "I will not participate in such a public display of lunacy."

I gestured at the other adults getting on and raised my eyebrows. "Oh come on, it's fun, okay? Get on it with me."

"No," her arms were folded.

"Regina," I pulled her right hand, puppy eyes enacted, "please come with me."

"Emma, I am not getting on that thing." She scowled.

"But I want to feel you next to me on the ride. It's the closest thing to riding an actual horse for now." Her eyes softened a bit, black hair gently lifted in the wind. "Sit in front of me. I just want you there."

My face was studied. She sighed. "Trade the tickets in for a less dizzying ride. Nothing that spins around. Something much calmer that will not lift my blood pressure."

"Because I lift your blood pressure enough already?" I beamed at her, head tilted. My blonde hair licked my cheek, the wind slightly picking up speed.

"Exactly. At my age one must take things a little less thrilling in terms of these blood rushing rides." She hugged herself and I wondered if the chilly wind was somehow getting to her.

Frowning, my red leather jacket was shrugged off. I immediately stepped forward and wrapped it around her., squeezing soft shoulders that were hunched. The result was immediate. She locked eyes with me and something passed between us. Something deep, even among the bustle of the carnival. Pulling her close was enough to drive me inside. We melted into each other and I nuzzled our faces together.

"Okay, so how about we walk around a bit then, without riding anything," I pressed a kiss onto her right temple. She curled into me. "I'm going to win you as many stuffed animals as possible."

"And where will I put these minions?" the small red gift bag with Cosmo and Wanda was held up.

"On your bed."

"Well if you prefer for us to make love between stuffed animals then by all means proceed"

"Aww," I hunched my shoulders and smiled.

She smirked.

Twenty minutes later and Regina's gift bag was stuffed with four more animals. All four were cats. A white, black, red and yellow one. I was pretty certain one of them meowed when squeezed but she refused to allow me the chance of testing it out. Even when I tried to take the bag from her to sniff the fluffiness within, I was growled at.

My arms hurt slightly from throwing hoops and stuff, shooting paint balls, throwing balls. So the next thing we did was to sit down and eat two sundaes. Her choice was dark chocolate and vanilla with cherries and apple slices. Mine was all kinds of flavors. Like five. I sucked on the spoon and watched the guys appear once more like ninjas. Circling us, they were noticed by Regina and she actually smiled wryly.

"Here," Neal's eyes remained lowered as he sorted through tickets, handing one to me then Regina, "have fun."

"See, we can't actually ride the love rides, unless we have a chick," Will said with a frown. "And getting a chick around these parts is kind of hard. They're all here with a bloke."

I stared at the LOVE TUNNEL ticket and smiled.

"Nothing wrong with that," Killian neatly sat down next to me and rested his tickets upon the wooden table. "I'm keeping this pair right here." He gestured at the Love Tunnel printed upon two red stubs. "I'm always lucky at these things."

"We've been here three hours," Neal reminded him. "Not one woman has batted her eyelashes at us."

"Maybe because we all look gay or something." Will scrutinized himself with a frown.

"I told you to stop wearing tight clothes," Neal frowned at Killian, "and you," he smiled at Will, "you're just really, really awkward around women."

"And what about you?" Will asked back with a scowl. "Having problems too, aren't you?"

"I'm more into women who loiter in libraries and have their noses buried in books," he confessed. Our eyes met and I smiled. "Emma knows what kind I like."

"I bet she does," Killian said shook his head, still sorting his tickets.

Regina raised her eyebrows at me and I smiled back. It was an act on my part to show openly that nothing could come out of it. Just a statement and nothing else. But did she receive the message and had it erased any doubts? I had no idea. I hoped so. For my sake. And for Neal's sake.

"Guys, let's go into the haunted house," Will said suddenly, staring at the looming building not so far away. A line of kids was outside, eagerly looking ahead. "Who's in?"

"I'll pass," Killian said, gathering up his tickets.

I was still looking at Regina. She shook her head, "count me out."

"You game, Emma?" Will stared at me.

Would she actually stay outside with Killian? I didn't want to leave her like that. So my only option was to count myself out too. As soon as I did, she insisted otherwise, never showing anything on her face. It was like one of those moments where you're suddenly thinking what the hell should you do? If I go in there and leave her outside, then suppose she turns around and hate me or something? Killian was great company. He'd never try or do anything to insult Regina. I knew he was like that. But she was really unpredictable. Not with him. I mean, she really hid things well and I could regret that.

"I'll pass," I still held my ground, "you guys go ahead."

"Are you scared?" Regina raised her eyebrows at me, smiling slightly now. "I thought you were braver."

Neal was beaming. "Chicken, Emma?"

"She's so chicken," Will teased me. "Just like Killian."

"What happened to you too?" I stared at her in disbelief. "You're not exactly going in, are you?"

"No, I have a weak heart," I was gazed at.

"And we all know who's fault that is," Will tapped me on my back. "Weak hearts and all. Emma, a romantic you are."

After sharing one last look, she convinced me enough that we go our separate ways. So I pitched my plastic cup into a trashcan and followed Will and Neal to join the line. All the time she was glanced back at. Killian remaining on the bench as a conversation was struck up. He was the kind of guy to get any woman talking. Always easing in and finding some way to open someone up. Just as I entered the building, she was smiling at him and her lips moved.

"Where the hell is Will?" Neal asked me five minutes after. I couldn't even see him within the darkness and had to reach out. My hand brushed his curly hair.

"He was just here. Will?"

There wasn't a response.

"Will!" Neal yelled, taking a hold of my arm. "Come on, dude. Quit the games."

Something brushed my arm. Or someone. Hairy and really scary. I jumped back and collided with him. Then apparently the same thing touched his arm because he hopped around on the spot since I heard the patter of his boots.

"Oh shit," he sounded really scared. "Holy shit. Emma!"

Cobwebs were thrown over me, and I batted them away, cringing up. "Stay calm. Don't fight it!" Things kept happening randomly until madness prevailed.

"Emma I can't feel my legs!"

"What the hell are you -" a pair of arms wrapped around my ankles and I was pulled to the ground. "HELP!" I clawed at the ground through cobwebs and was dragged along like a sack of potatoes.

"Oh God," Neal whined next to me in the dark, "we're about to die. It's Mike Myers. Mike...listen...spare the ax and just...dude!"

The dragging stopped and we were pulled up to stand. I couldn't see a thing. Honestly. The blackness enveloped us and my back was wet with sweat. Breathing was difficult. My knees felt jelly weak and then this scratching sound began.

"No!" suddenly things like wet worms fell onto us and I screamed.

"Fuck!" Neal and I hugged each other and cried like little girls until the shower stopped. "If I die, Emma," he sniffed, his voice unsteady, "it's better to die with you because we'd be hell buddies."

"I don't want to die!" I felt the urge to laugh as we were pulled along by hands, "I have someone outside who wants to spend the rest of her life with me."

"Death inside a haunted house," he whimpered, "I DON'T WANT TO GO DOWN THIS WAY! Turn on the lights let me see you fools!"

We were tickled and someone cackled. I felt fingers running down my back and began to laugh. Like hysterically because no really, it was so funny. There we were, two adults. Neal was in his thirties and we were both behaving like two kids. Suddenly, a doorway was illuminated and we were pushed out, stumbling into the open again. The sound of the carnival greeted us, lights bouncing around, joyful chatter and I turned to him.

Neal's face was covered in a white film that appeared to be chalk. Snorting, I reached out and tried to wipe the dust off. It was chalk. We both realized that our faces were covered and tissues were sought out. By the time we had cleaned ourselves up, I realized that time had passed. I needed to get back to Regina.

"Wait," handing me a beer, I was urged to stay near this red and white tent that housed the maze of mirrors. "Let's talk for a bit."

Deciding that yeah we hadn't talked for a long time alone, my back was rested upon the canvas. I studied his face. "What's up?"

He shrugged, swallowed a mouthful, eyes focused at the Ferris Wheel in the distance. "Just wanted to see how you're doing, you know? We haven't been social lately. You're kind of occupied these days."

"Yeah," I smiled. Taking a sip of the beer, it was apple flavored and her warm brown eyes filled my mind.

"Pretty much smitten, I'd say," he turned to look at me.

"What can I say?" I shrugged, feeling all warm inside, "she's amazing."

"Yeah but is she amazing enough to be a long term thing?"

I frowned. Our eyes met. "What do you mean?"

His smile had disappeared. Children ran past us licking ice cream cones. "I mean, do you intend to be with her for as long as possible. Or is this like a trial something? Feeling your way around?"

I stared back, remaining silent.

"Because you've been slightly inclined to women, yeah." He nodded. "But actually dating one. It was just so sudden. You two met. You kissed. You're smitten. You're committed. You are committed, right?"

I blinked. "We are, yeah."

Where was he heading to?

"I don't know, I just thought..." his sentence trailed off and something inside my chest tickled slightly. Casting his eyes ahead, I was left to guess the rest.

"You just thought what?"

He sighed. "Look, I'm not going to lie, okay?" he refused to look at me. "Maybe at this point you've only seen me as a friend since we met. But I kind of always...I always hoped that you'd give me a chance or something."

I remained silent.

"Gradually that feeling died away. After I realized that you weren't interested. But it was mostly about you."

I stared at him in surprise. Completely forgetting my beer, he was my main focus. "I kind of figured that out."

It was his turn to stare at me with wide eyes. "Really?"

Smiling, his shoulder was nudged, "yeah, and the reason why I've never said anything about it is because you're really my bestest friend at this point. Since we met, I've always seen you as that one guy who totally understands me. But I think you already knew the truth about me before anyone else did."

"That you swing the other way, you mean," he pointed out warily. He sipped his beer. "Yeah, I picked it up. You're different from most girls. Which is why I saw you more than a friend to begin with. Somehow you're like one of the guys. Most girls aren't like that. I guess I should have stopped myself sooner."

"You can't stop yourself from falling for someone, Neal. Look at what happened to me."

"I mean, is she really THE ONE?" He still wouldn't give up on that. "Are you sure?"

"I've never felt this way about anyone else," I threaded easily, knowing that his emotions were probably still slightly bruised. "I feel deep for people, Neal. You know that. And from the time I met her, it's like my life felt...refreshing."

He remained silent. I didn't notice anything at first. I never saw when she pressed her back to the tent and stayed there out of sight. I wasn't even aware of her listening at all.

"It's not easy finding decent girls these days," he finally said. "Like you. With standards and morals. With ambition."

"I don't know how to cook," my aim was to lighten the mood, "I don't dress girly. I hardly have boobs. And there are women out there who're potentials and you know it. Look at Darla that Will used to date. Look at Shania, the Psychics Major Killian took out. Plus you're a great guy."

"Thanks. Regina's an a bad ass kind of woman, though," he actually smiled. "She's dark and mysterious. Kind of scary. Most times I don't know what to say to her."

"Just be yourself around her and don't try too hard to impress." I was thrilled that he suddenly seemed a bit happy. "I think you've won her approval by handing over that cat."

"Really?" he frowned. "Because from the way the poor thing was studied, I think she hates it."

"Nah," I smiled because after we had separated ourselves from them, the cat had been taken out the bag and examined. "She really loves it. Nice gesture. She actually asked me about you, you know. If I had a thing for you before we met."

"Oh shit."

"Yeah, and it wasn't easy convincing her. I still don't think she's convinced. I didn't even want to bring her here tonight with you guys because she really didn't take a liking to your arm wrestling game that night over me. And you...you slightly worry her. But I decided to bring her along because the three of you are my friends. And I can't choose between the two. You guys or her. So the only option was to somehow get her to see how nice you really are."

"And we gave her stuffed animals and tickets," he scoffed. "I bet she thinks we're a pack of asses."

"At least you're trying. And I really appreciate that. Really I do." Ruffling his hair, he laughed. "Especially you, she seems to like Killian and Will. But you're going to take some time getting used to."

"Is she a bookworm?" he swallowed his beer and looked at me.

"If?" it was my turn to scoff. "She swims between the pages like you and me."

"I can work with that. What about TV shows?"

"She doesn't look at TV," I told him. "Too busy with work. She owns a V 250 though."

He stared at me, his eyes as wide as saucers. "What?"

I knew that would do the trick. "She rides. We went down the Hudson River and other places already. Regina is a pro."

"Are you kidding me right now?" he took my shoulders, studying my face. "Regina rides a motorcycle?"

"Yeah, she's a bad ass girly girl. You should see how she goes around a freaking corner. Like woah."

"Where is this woman?" his eyes searched around as if she was nearby and I couldn't help but smile. "I need to find out if this is true."

He walked off. I stared at him in disbelief. "Wait? You don't believe me?"

After standing there for like fifteen minutes gathering my thoughts, I eventually realized that Regina had been right all along. Neal had feelings for me and was bold enough to admit it. Whether currently or in the past, those feelings still existed. But honestly, it didn't matter to me because I didn't feel the same way about him. I never did see him as more than a friend. That was always my problem with guys. Never seeing myself dating one except that one guy from High School. Well he was history.

But Neal.

I loved hanging out with him. Laughing over stuff, studying together, staying up late in the library and tutoring each other with the other two. Still somehow there was never a thought in my mind that inclined slightly in the other direction where he was concerned. Because we were like buddies. That's it. However, from now I'd have to really space out my time spent with them. I didn't want anything to happen that would spin our friendship out of control. So it was my decision at that point to maintain a slight distance for now. To see what would happen.

Somehow when she was located again, Regina appeared a little more excited than before. Brown eyes sparkling and a sense of being breathless from just seeing me again. I was suddenly wondering what the hell Killian had done to her. Slipping her left hand around my waist, I was cuddled as the two tickets advertising the TUNNEL OF LOVE were shown before me.

"Let's go next. I was waiting for you to return. How was the Haunted House? Was it thrilling? Should I have come with you then?" She sniffed my cheek, black hair tickling my face. "Why do you smell like apples?"

I pulled her close and smiled, shaking my head. She really was breathless. "Apple beer. Why are you so bubbly and energetic all of a sudden?"

Fingers pressed into my side, keeping me as close as ever. She inhaled deeply as if intoxicating herself from the mixed smells lingering in the air. "Killian is quite a charmer. He really knows how to speak to a woman. Not vulgarly or out of order. But very nicely."

"What did he tell you exactly?" I was curious. We walked through running children and parents who gazed on at the festivities. Eager eyes all around us. Teenagers wrapped together and sucking faces.

"He alerted me on my excellent choice in you. Your intelligence coupled with compassion and a kindness is becoming of a young woman. Added to that, you were described as speaking so highly of me that they wished to use me as a standard in finding a girlfriend."

I was impressed. Blinking, a smile stretched my lips.

"Then we spoke about brands and his visits to Ireland. I've never been there yet. But hope to some day. Most obviously with you accompanying me. Which reminds me." Her hand moved up to my right shoulder and squeezed, "will you be eager to travel with me some time? Perhaps a tour of Europe?"

"I've always liked London and Scotland," I confessed, literally feeling how she was bubbling over with energy radiating onto me. "The Highlands, the Lochs, Nessie, Castles."

"Scotland it is then." She laughed hoarsely, our thighs brushing together when we walked. "Next month or even next week. It depends on when Mal wants me to start initially. I could really use a vacation."

Regina spoke about traveling as if it was nothing big. But for me, I had only lived in Maine and moved to New York. The only cross country trek in my life was moving back home and coming back here for university. To fly all the way across the world and venture into Europe? To actually take me up on my suggestion and decide on us to visit Scotland? Honestly she had no idea how that shocked me because I'm the kind of person to use Google Maps to take virtual tours of certain places. Lifting the little guy icon and dropping him into available streets. That's how I traveled. Like that and inside books. Websites. Reading up about Nessie, the Loch Ness monster.

"You are seriously amazing," I said to her when we joined the line to get on the ride. She turned to me and smiled warmly. "Honestly, before I met you, my life was so routine. So...boring. But now you've just opened up so many doors. You've taken me places, showed me stuff. Being with you is so exciting and you have no idea how much I love this. It's what I've always wanted."

Her cupped fingers caressed my face slowly. "You deserve it."

My chest heaved because looking into her eyes, I always lost my breath. "I've never traveled before."

"Then that's why I'm in your life," she said softly, "so we can do things that you've never done before...and we can do them together. I've never felt this thrilled to do things with someone. For my entire life, I've felt alone. Apart from my children. And it is finally happening to me. This moment where I can share my life with someone and know for certain that that person loves me as much as I love them."

She silenced me. Shut me up and left me speechless. Because it was like reading my mind. Knowing exactly what to say and when to say it. I gazed at her. My heart was racing. And just as I moved in to kiss her, it was our turn to enter the ride.

Blinking at me, she smiled and held my hand whilst we stepped into the carriage shaped like a real Cinderella one. Ours was purple and really suited the occasion because other than red, that was her favorite color. The wheels of the vessel were attached to a track and it was most definitely like a train. As soon as the soft black cushioned seats met my butt, the doors were closed and we were left alone. She sat beside me as close as possible, our thighs touching and the yellow light above cast a warm glow. We began to move.

Very soon, outside the windows it was like the walls lit up with a scenery depicting a lovely late afternoon countryside. Regina rested her chin upon my left shoulder whilst we gazed out and watched the scene unfold as if really there. Farm houses moving by and rolling grasslands. A stream visible between green trees. There was the chirping of birds and rustle of leaves. The wind really whipped in and lifted my hair. And I was astounded by how real it felt.

"It's like magic," she said into my ear, our fingers entwined. "Imagine if we could simply ask to stop the carriage and get out. Then we could take a walk just there," her hand showed me the stream. "Linger near the water, listen to the wind. Kiss."

"Probably rent a nice cozy cottage and make love to each other over and over again," I added.

"Well that escalated pretty quickly," her brown eyes obscured my vision. Raised eyebrows signaled disbelief. "Someone seems to be quite turned on at the moment."

"It sucks when you have to work so hard sometimes," I said softly, still looking out the window. "Going home late after meetings. Fatigued. You're so tired, you fall asleep before I could even talk to you about stuff."

She remained silent. The scene rolled on outside.

My eyes were fixated on the trees. "It's like, you're so tired. And I feel that you're working too hard. And I...want you to relax. But you don't. I know you get up later in the night. Doing work. Typing stuff. Because I send you messages and like 3 in the morning, I get the delivery reports." I turned to her. "You need to take a full night's sleep, Regina."

"I've trained myself like that." My fingers were played with, gently squeezed, eyes lowered. "I'll make more time for you from tonight, I promise. I'll make it up to you in every way that I can."

"It's just that. I just want us to talk."

"Me too," she locked eyes with me.

"And make out like we did the first time." I smiled.

"Sex is racing through your mind, isn't it?" I was smiled at, my hair tucked behind my ear.

"Maybe all I want is to see you without clothes again." I shrugged. "You know, every single inch of you. Not just using my hands to feel but seeing exactly what I want."

"Someone is craving me deeply at the moment," she nudged our noses together and waited to be kissed, lips remaining parted.

When I moved in, Regina did as well, brushing our mouths together and feeling the passion emanating from within. It was a moment that lasted for a long time in that carriage. Faces tilted opposite ways whilst I kissed her softly and savored every single second. Tasting apples and bubblegum. The way her body curled into mine, pushing me back onto the seat. Throwing one leg over my lap and sitting upon it, knees planted on either side. My face was captured between her warm palms. My head was gently pushed back, her teeth grazing across my jawline and downwards, sucking on my neck. Pressing kisses all the way down my right shoulder.

"We have to go home," I whispered, my legs parting by reflex as between them ached. Feeling her full breasts through that red sweater was enough to set me on fire. Her smell was intoxicating, the way we were so turned on by each other, every single time she moved next to me, I moaned.

"Soon," her warm breath tickled my neck. Brown eyes blinked in front of me. "I'm walking out tomorrow at midday, so take half day. Spend the afternoon with me."

"Just like that?" my hands ran up her back, feeling the back of her bra. She was so warm.

"Yes. Let's go shopping. I want to buy you lingerie. I want to watch you try them on. My eyes only." She licked her lips and rested our foreheads together, fingers buried within my hair. "The only thing that makes me feel better is spoiling you. Giving you everything I can."

"Yeah but just so you know," my throat slightly ached, "I really don't need anything else once I have you. Honestly."

It was the truth because I didn't want her to spoil me like that. I was never that type of girl. To take things from people. Funny me, but it always felt as if I owed the person. As if she was somehow trying to win me and prove something. But Regina silenced my doubts.

"I'm not spoiling you because I feel as if something is owed, or I'm trying to win you," she said as if reading my mind. "I'm spoiling you because I want to. I have never been this happy in my life and I'd like to do it. Because when you're happy, I'm happy. Okay?" Her eyes widened.

"Sure thing," I smiled. "Geez, you really make me feel as if I'm the luckiest girl in the world."

"Funny but you make me feel the same." My hair was pushed back neatly and a kiss was pressed onto my forehead. Her lips remained there. "My Emma."

Oh my God how I loved when she called me that. Just out of the way she'd come and say that to me. Not quite claiming me like a toy but reminding me that I belonged to someone. Someone loved me more than ever. How romantic that sounded. She could curl my toes and make me all warm inside from doing that. Like nuzzling her face against mine, staying close. That's all I ever wanted. For someone to stay near and want me near. For someone to be this intimate with me without asking for a lot. Just feeling the moment and staying there.

When we got out of the ride, the guys were begging us to hop onto the Ferris Wheel.

"We've got to use them all up tonight," Neal said and I stared at him because before, we could come back the next day and still use the tickets. "Rules changed." He handed the two green tickets to Regina and she took them, eyes lowered.

"The red ones can keep," Killian said, "for rides like the minor ones," he cleared his throat and pointed. "The Hammer. The ones that win you prizes."

"Which makes no frigging sense if you ask me," Will had resurfaced. "Because the rides like the Ferris Wheel and Carousel should be more important."

"No it's not that," Killian said warily. "They make the most money on the big rides. Like the Carousel. Think about it, mate. If you have to use the ticket in one night then come again tomorrow, you'll obviously want to ride it again. It's a way of enticing people to ride the big ones more."

"So go on you two," Neal gave me a slight push and smiled. "Take Regina with you most likely."

"Unless you want to go with me," Killian winked at Regina. "I can pinpoint the exact location where Karla and I discovered the buried chest of watches."

She smiled but I could feel her tense up. "Really, thank you. But I simply cannot accompany anyone on that ride."

"Why?" all three of them asked, eyes wide.

"She's slightly afraid of it," I said, hugging her closer. "No worries though, I can go with one of you."

"No but seriously," Neal said, taking a step closer to her, "I was like that too. Dad dragged me on it once and scared the hell out of me. But what I found a few years later is that having someone get on the ride with you that you really love, it makes a big difference."

"If you're talking about Angie with the watermelon bosom then by all means it made a big difference," Killian said smiling.

Will snorted. "A cheerleader who craved to be hugged. Nice way to get rid of your fear up there."

Neal scowled at them. "Trust me, Regina. It's going to be fun with Emma there with you. Just like doing other fearful things in life. Having someone there who cares is really something."

I smiled at him and felt her soften up in my arms. Shoulders hunched still, she sighed.

"Promise you can close your eyes if it gets scary and I'll never let you go," I said softly, resting my face next to hers.

Then the most amazing thing happened. Regina actually gave in. Just like that. There was no fuss and it was almost as if she believed in Neal's words more than anything. Taking my hand and stunning me.

We moved off and she wouldn't let me go, keeping our fingers entwined. A bit hesitant at the gate but eventually she followed me through. When our seat was taken, Regina slid her left arm around me and remained close.

"Please don't let me go," she buried her face into my neck, warm breath kissing my skin. "I'm only doing this because you're with me."

The wheel began to move up slowly and I hugged her tightly, resting my chin upon her head. We remained silent until the top and as it slowly descended, she relaxed a bit. Gradually, her face was removed from my neck and the view was admired. I could feel her tremble within my grasp and knew for certain that it wasn't a ridiculous fear. She really was afraid of the ride. There was no age limit for being frightful of something. Everyone had a reason why they were afraid. And like Neal said, maybe it only took someone special to share that moment with. To face that fear. To erase it.

"It's beautiful," she whispered, resting our cheeks together.

"It is, isn't it."

I turned to smile at her and our lips brushed. Very soon, a kiss was enacted. One that was slow and slightly thrilling because we were descending. My heart was racing and so was hers. And she kissed me so deep, I couldn't even breathe afterwards, lingering near and treasuring her warmth. She was so amazing. Everything about her. Me pushing back dark hair from her face as she hugged back. Pressing a kiss onto her cheek and staying there. It was so romantic.

It began to rain.

Actually it rained heavily.

That night when we made love, it was more passionate than ever before. The way she allowed me to explore her body unlike the first time when I was dominated. When I was taken control of.

This time, my mouth tasted every inch of her whilst moans were unearthed. Arching her back, fingers buried deep into my hair when I used my tongue to taste. Sucking and parting her thighs more to delve deeper. And with every flick, with every soft nibble, she writhed under me until her body convulsed from the first wave of orgasms. Wetting my fingers and creating the same effect for both of us.

When I moved on top of her, our bodies pressed together, she entwined our legs. Rolling over, Regina began to move upon me, grinding our hips together, her head thrown back. There was no kissing that night. None. Because according to her, nothing was to be silenced. The walls were thick enough and my bedroom was for the first time filled with hoarse cries when we pushed each other over the edge. Coming again and again, fingers buried deep and feeling how she was so tight, rocking together, heels digging into the sweat soaked sheets. My fingers ran through her wet hair that clung to her neck, dark hair that smelt like apples and cherries. My mouth closing around her soft breasts as I sucked and tasted what I wanted to.

"This is what you...wanted," her voice was so husky, every word trembled my pores.

She rested our foreheads together, two fingers thrusting into me and I did the same. Our lips danced in for a kiss but it was never done. Never. It was like a forbidden rule. Staring into my eyes, fingers curling in my blonde hair that was seriously tangled. And wet. All of me was soaked, sweat trailing down her neck. I used my hands to push back black hair and my hips moved, riding her fingers faster and faster. My lungs were on fire by the time her mouth closed around my neck. Sucking and biting me until the pain was pushed away. The pain coupled with pleasure that arose from using three fingers to make love to me.

"Look at me," she urged, just before I came. Focusing my eyes on her, I just allowed myself to let go and it was like breathing again.

It was like peeling away all my layers and exposing who I really was. What I really could be like. And how much pleasure could soothe my mind. Chasing away fears and everything else. Living in that moment where she was hugging me, her hand massaging between my legs over and over again. Mewling when my body shook and I showed her what she could do to me.

Lips bitten, she twisted us around so that the bottom was occupied by me. Then switching positions, her mouth closed around that one part of me that was still aching from being ravished. I did the same and finally felt the power of the amazing 69. It was so mind-blowing. Honestly, feeling how she shuddered above me, as I attacked her all because of the passion that was lighting us on fire again. What was pretty intense was the fact that we were both doing the same thing to each other. And even when I felt as if my mind would explode, Regina still went on tasting me.

She trembled constantly on top of me. Giving in when her body just couldn't hold back. Shaking over and over again as her hoarse cries filled the air. I still continued to use my mouth. Over and over again. And it was incredible how she responded.

I think that the crack head next door must have really had his ears pressed to the wall that night. Because there was no way he didn't hear our screams. No way. Especially Regina. She was really a screamer, finally giving up on me when I apparently got the fullest control. By the time we were finished and eventually kissed, her body still kept convulsing, brown eyes dazed. So to slow things down a bit and bring it to a close, I moved lower between her warm thighs and slowly used my mouth. Her back arched as she captured my blonde hair up and writhed. Coming again and again, feet pointed.

That night, I was certain that she slept from midnight to 6:30.

Rolling over, I realized that this time, my face was buried into her chest. Unlike the other times. She carefully moaned and caressed my right cheek, smiling.

"Morning."

I reached up and felt how soft her hair was. The warm yellow sunshine cascaded through the window. "Morning."

"Good or bad morning?" her brown eyes were the softest brown, pinched from a smile.

"Amazingly awesome," I smiled back. Our legs twisted together. "Did you sleep well?"

"Did I?" my lips were caressed with her right thumb, eyebrows arched, "yes. Yes I did. For the first time in a long time, sweetheart." Her voice was so hoarse.

I inhaled deeply, savoring that pet name. My fingers roamed beneath the sheet and rested on her soft breasts, warm to the touch. Trembling slightly, her lips parted and we gazed at each other.

"You actually have a voice left."

She studied my face and chuckled hoarsely. A cough came next. My fingers pressed upon her throat and she held them. "I sound like a frog, don't I?"

"Yeah, we need to get that frog out of your throat."

"Or I can pass it off as a sore throat and a cold," she winked.

"Geez, you really, really had a good time last night, I can't believe how you…" my eyes widened, losing my breath.

"How I screamed your name? How my body reacted when you touched me?" she was smiling at me and I couldn't understand how in the world that could be so easy to say.

"You're turning me on deliberately, aren't you?" I stared back with wide eyes.

"This early?" she shook her head, "no way. Are you turned on?"

"You're naked next to me…" my hand was tugged between her legs, feeling so warm already, "you're…"

What I felt was incredible because she was already opening up to me. And I couldn't ignore it.

When we hopped into the shower together, her hands wrapped around my body whilst the water sprayed onto us. Soaping me and kissing my neck until I reversed roles because my height difference somehow made me feel in control. I ran the suds over her soft breasts and savored the warmth we were creating in addition to the temperature of the water. How she felt on fire between her legs. It's like my hand just couldn't stay away because I ended up making love to her again. And for the first time, she touched herself as I did too, feeling her finger next to mine whilst I thrust in and out slowly.

Eventually the wall was where we ended up, hoisting her up, legs wrapped around me. She begged me to be rough, to move faster so that when my three fingers were used, her hoarse cries filled the air. Her hips grinding upon mine, my hand buried between. The water showered down upon us and tangled our hair, her fingers digging into my back as she was moved upon the green tiles.

When we did kiss, I felt as if I was drowning. No air, and just water spraying upon me, covering us. Biting her lip as she bit mine. Pulling and feeling how she came hard around my fingers, my hand wetter after every wave of pleasure rippling through her.

By the time we were finished, things had to be done together. We both dressed each other at the same time. I helped her slip into one of my red shirts, one that was slightly small due to her fuller breasts. Since it was Saturday, she wore back the same skinny black jeans because yeah, as the boss, you could get away with being informal. Her hands strayed a little too much when my green shirt was shrugged on, fingers playing with my breasts. I had to bat her away with a smile because she was seriously too playful that morning. Borrowing my eyeliner whilst I stared in awe as she applied it like a pro.

You might not believe it if I told you but Regina actually had on a pair of my boxer panties and she looked too cute in them. A pair of my socks was also borrowed, and my blow dryer. Taking her precious time whilst my long blonde hair remained tangled up and in a mess. But whilst I grabbed a bowl of cereal, Fruit Loops and fed both of us, she worked on my hair. Chewing whilst sitting on the kitchen counter and appearing so gorgeous in my overly tight red shirt.

"So what time will you actually walk out?" I fed her a spoon of cereal and she chewed.

"Emma, obviously you'll be the first to know." She had gotten hoarser and sounded so cute. "It wouldn't be anything dramatic though. I'm just going to leave and never return." Fingers ran through my hair. She massaged my scalp gently.

"And what will we tell people who call in to speak to you?" I licked my thumb and chewed.

"Hmm, inform them that I'm no longer available in the line of Dazzle. A simple statement. And nothing more." The dryer was clicked off, the difference in the air sounding rather refreshing. "Ruby already knows as well."

I nodded. I suddenly remembered something. We were supposed to have a conversation. It was only 8:00 and on Saturdays I had to get in at 9:00. So resting the bowl in the sink, I planted myself between her legs. She wrapped them around me without sparing a second, tucking my hair behind my ears and smiling.

"You had something to tell me from yesterday, remember?" I held her close for a moment, my fingers caressing the back of her neck.

"About what?" her voice slightly trembled.

"About your visit to the doctor," bringing our faces to the front, I gazed into her brown eyes. Something changed in them. "You had to tell me what the bad news was."

Her chest heaved and blinking fast, Regina swallowed. "Let's speak of it later, please?"

"We have an hour," I said, "but if that's what you want. Then sure."

"No wait," she said just as I was about to move away. Pulling me in closer again, her fingers rested upon my face. "Maybe I should tell you now. We never know what later may bring and I wouldn't like to wait for a moment. You've taught me to act immediately."

"I have?" I stared into her eyes and wondered how.

"Yes. And cutting to the harsh truth, Emma," she lowered her head, lips parted, "this bit of news will change our future, for better or worse I have no clue. But it will change...everything."

"What happened?" my throat ached so much, because I was suddenly so afraid of what she would say to me. "You said it's nothing terminal, right? I remembered that."

"It is terminal in a way..."

"Regina," my eyes stung and I couldn't hold back the tears, "tell me. Are you sick?" It was my turn for my voice to tremble.

"I'm love sick," she barely smiled at me. Her legs were still wrapped around me, keeping us closer.

I waited. Staring at her. Searching her face.

"Sweetheart," she rested our foreheads together and I held onto her, feeling my insides grow colder and colder, "I can't become pregnant again. I can't...have a child. Ever again."

It wasn't cancer or anything else that would take her life. But it was really horrible to hear that. I studied her eyes and frowned.

"How did that happen? Was it the miscarriage?"

Regina nodded, blinking back tears. And from the moment I saw her crying, it was my turn to realize that there was something more severe about this. It wasn't just the fact that she lost her baby. It was something else.

"What happened?" I croaked, holding her close.

Blinking, her tears wet my fingers and I wiped them away. Holding onto my hands, she curled up into me and all I could do was hold her close to me. I did that and stroked her hair gently. Trying to soothe her.

"I never told you the entire story," she finally confessed, looking at me again. "How I lost the baby. And it was too much to speak of it. It still is. But I need you to fully understand what happened because it is a part of me that really hurts. That has scarred me. And you're the only one who can possibly help me get by this. For the rest of my life."

"Babe," I caressed her cheek. I don't think I had ever called her that. I can't remember. I had no names for her. But when I said it, she immediately blinked at me and opened up more. "Tell me what happened."

"Well for most of it, I struggled through the doubts. Going home in L.A to find that he had thrown my clothes out after I threatened to kill...her. We had a struggle outside, and he twisted my arm when I shouted that...she was a devil and I'd wring her neck. And..." I watched her face. "Everything else happened so fast. He shoved me, after I tried to move back inside. I...fell..."

"What?" I blinked and inhaled deeply, "he...shoved you?"

"It wasn't deliberately done to hurt me, Emma," she took my shoulders and squeezed them but I couldn't calm down. "He was trying to get me to leave. And I fell. I didn't realize something was wrong until I got out of my Mercedes, looked down upon the seat and saw the chair soaked with blood."

"He's going to pay for this," I said as anger welled up inside of me. "Fucking asshole."

"Emma," she quickly caressed my face, trying to get me to relax, "it could have been a number of things that happened."

"Don't you dare try to eliminate him from what happened," I said to her. "Something happened to you. To cause this." I was referring to her inability to have children again. "And it wasn't just stress that suddenly made you become like this. There had to be trauma or some kind of damage. He pushed you."

"I can't do anything about it now," she said in a small voice, so small, I was suddenly drawn out of my fiery mind and focused on her. "What's done is done. And I'm sorry that I can't...ever...give you what you most likely...want." Tears filled her eyes. I couldn't continue being angry at the jackass at that point because she was collapsing in front of me. "I'm a failure, I know I am."

"Regina," taking her face between my hands, I moved in nearer, resting our foreheads together, "you'd never be a failure to me. Never. You've already had two kids. You're still a mother. And above all, there are ways we can work around that. What makes me love you more at this point is the fact that you're actually thinking so far down in the future, about us."

"Having a baby...together?" she was so hoarse, her tears wet my cheek. "Yes."

"Do you know how that makes me feel?" my voice trembled. I gazed at her. "So amazing. It doesn't have to be that way though. We can...adopt or...I can do it."

"You would?" her brown eyes widened.

"I've always wanted to be a mom," I said smiling. "And you're the best mom a child can ever have."

"So are you," she whispered, barely smiling back.

"I just wished that we could merge and make a baby on our own without any guy's help, you know?"

"Yes," she laughed a little and so did I. "I am aware of that. But nature is against us."

"And it's unfair because we're really in love. And we can't have that one thing any straight couple could have. Most of them don't even want babies and they have them. Why can't we and we really want one?"

"My love," she pressed our lips together, palms pressed upon my face, "the actual process of having a baby, it is more than you think. Those nine months when I'm by your side. Whenever it happens. That time is crucial. And after that time, we'll have a baby that is more ours than everything else."

"First comes love," I said, "then comes marriage. Then comes you know what."

She gazed at me and something passed in her eyes. I saw it. "If you only could know how many times I've married you in my dreams, Emma. Then you'd realize how insanely in love I am with you. I've never seen the future like this with anyone else. But with you, everything seems possible."

"Everything," I repeated after her.

"Everything," she said, "the rest of my life."

"With you," I moved in for a kiss and was given one, a very soft one.

"Forever and always," she whispered, moving in again.

And I kissed her so deep, she slipped off the counter and pulled our bodies closer.


	9. Then The Nightmare Scares Her

**Excerpt:**

**_"How about this?" Biting her left earlobe gently, I pulled like a kitten and she trembled, squeezing my fingers." And this." Pushing myself up, I threw a leg over her lap as she stared at me in awe. Then seating myself upon her, the glass of half-filled Bourbon was pried from cold fingers._ **

**_"Dear me, Emma!" she was so breathless, voice barely a whisper. "People are around us."_ **

**_"I don't care." Running my fingers behind her ears, the feel of soft hair, she moved into me. Almost as if drawn by a magnetic force, hands running up my back. It was incredible. Feeling how she breathed, warm breath caressing my face. "If I could, I'd let the entire world know that I'm in love with you. So fuck them."_ **

* * *

Limitless.

I'm writing this as the thoughts come and the scenes flow. As the heart beats and the pen moves across paper. Just like the moment when you open a Word Document and begin to type. You begin to form a story that already exists in your heart and in your mind. A memory that burns like the aftereffect of a cut. An itch that you can't scratch. And now I'm just telling you as it happened because there is no other way this can progress.

I have to tell it.

I have to be the one to write the story that everyone else was afraid to write. Falling for a person that by all means could either destroy my life or make it a hell of a ride. Because honestly, my situation was no different from being this high school kid completely in love with her teacher. It felt the same way. To work in the same place as her. To have your boss invade your mind every second of every day. And yet no one else could know because everything would crumble. Everyone would look at you a certain way and treat you a certain way.

It's safe to say that after that day when she walked out of Dazzle, my entire life in that place became a living nightmare.

From the looks they gave me. The looks that only signaled disgust and utter disapproval. Sitting at my desk I felt how the women stared me down when I wasn't looking. But then just as my head was lifted, they'd all lower their eyes and continue gossiping behind those cubicles. Shady eyes and whispers that burned me. I'd walk into the washroom and catch Wendy saying something to Eva. Then just as my presence was announced from the click of the door, they'd change the conversation. It reached a point where I decided that this wasn't what I wanted.

My only choice was to leave immediately. But she demanded that I stay for the rest of July so that my monthly salary could be collected. You know, handing in your resignation and giving a notice that you'd leave in a month. That's what I did. Because they refused to pay me for anything less and I had to stay on since the money was needed. So I stayed. I stayed and so did Ruby. Both of us were transferred to other departments for the time since there was no CEO to report to.

It felt horrible to sit there and gaze at a vacant office. The plastic shutters remained opened, and her AC was turned off. The desk had been wiped clean just like the office. Of all traces of her. Honestly, the scent of her perfume still remained in that office and I'm not lying at all. The lingering smell of White Diamond and apples. Her red fruit bowl emptied but remaining there. On days when I'd have to walk in there and get some document that remained, my eyes would rest on the red leather chair. I remembered how she used to sit in it. Her back stiff as a poker.

You can just imagine how eager I was every afternoon to get the hell out of there and head home.

So one day, the second to last week in July, no other than Robin called my extension. Like I said, we were moved to different departments and I took up residence in the I.T section. Ruby had been relocated to Human Resource on the second floor. Calling me on my extension appeared pretty suspicious to begin with. I mean, his name basically showed up and these phones didn't ring out loud but blinked. It had something to do with in office policy, having a ringing phone distracting other employees whilst stats and stuff were analyzed.

"Dazzle, Emma speaking," I answered on the sixth ring. Unnoticed by me, my left fist was clenched.

"Emma, this is Robin," he said, in that same bland tone that never appeared cheerful but robotic. Somehow the demon managed to sigh.

"Yeah, how may I help you?" Sitting in my cubicle, no one really disturbed or intruded. Besides, the two guys on either side of me had gone into a meeting with Hickson.

"Is the formality necessary at this point?" he asked just like that and at first I really didn't know what the hell to think. So I stared at my computer screen without even registering the data in front of me.

"I'm sorry?"

"You know who I am," he said, his voice stiffer now, "you're quite aware of that since my name registered."

How dumb could someone be? "I'm sorry, sir but that's the way we were trained to speak on the phone. If there is something wrong with my manner of speaking then I cannot be blamed."

"Cut the bullshit," he returned. Phones rang in the background.

I refused to answer because my blood was really boiling and there was no way I was going to stoop to his level.

"I've just gotten off the phone with someone from the New York office," he began, "the same office you work in, as it so happens. And I've just received quite an alarming bit of information. Something that has managed to slip pass me for many weeks now, I'm afraid."

Here we go.

"I'm giving you a chance to tell me if this is true or not."

"If what is true?" My voice was stiff too. Because if he spoke to me like that then I would automatically return the same tone.

"What the hell is going on between you and Regina?" There it was. The anger that had been muffled from the beginning of the conversation. Bob, one of the Statistics Analysts handed me a sheet of information and I nodded.

"What did you hear?" I actually smiled, suddenly enjoying the moment. Resting the sheet beside the keyboard, I calmly tried to focus on the data and began to prepare an Excel sheet.

"I wanted to call her to ask about this...nonsense but apparently she blocked my number."

"That's too bad. Maybe you pissed her off or something." Try to keep it professional, Emma. Try. You have a couple days left so don't give them reason to fire you. It wouldn't look good on my record. "Do you want me to pass on a message or something?"

"Are you sleeping with my wife?" his tone was bitter, much bitterer than the time he came in here to harass her. "Because if you are then that is a violation of the rules and regulations in the company. And consequences must be met."

I remained silent, took up my cup of coffee. I sipped it and smiled.

"A CEO or any senior employee is never allowed to date or sleep with any subordinate in this organization. And you are aware of that. It was coded in your handbook that you most likely tucked somewhere and never read."

"First of all, she's your _ex_ -wife," I cleared my throat and tried to fit into this mode the guys had taught me. Act all calm. "Second of all, Marla from Accounts and Barney from Sales Rep dated each other from what I heard and got married last December. You as the VP was married to the CEO." I stress on the word 'was'. "So either I overlooked that rule in the book, or employees and SENIOR employees are breaking the rules too."

"Are you trying to play smart with me?"

"Sir, I am smart. I don't play smart. I almost have a college degree. So don't insult my intelligence by asking me if I'm smart." I said it so calmly, you'd probably laugh if you were there with me.

"Are you or are you not dating my wife and sleeping with her," he repeated his question. As if I could care less.

"Why does it concern you who she's sleeping with after you obviously ended things? And from what I heard," I watched Manny, another IT geek imitate Jim Carey in the Man in the Mask near the water cooler, "you're quite cozy with the next member of the family. So it shouldn't be any of your business -"

"It is my business," he said forcefully, "more than you could ever know."

"I'm sorry," I pinched my nose, eyes squeezed and snorted. "Which sister do you want? Make up your mind."

"You're acting out of order."

"You're the one who called to ask me a stupid question."

"With a Senior Employee, you're showing disrespect."

"I'm not being disrespectful. There's a difference," I said in a steady tone, "I'm telling you the truth. You're the one who's being disrespectful. Calling me to ask something like that. I should report you to the Board for this. Because it is my right as an employee to keep my personal life personal. It shouldn't be your business who I date or who anyone else dates."

He breathed out a sigh. Silence elapsed. Phones rang. Someone opened and closed the door behind me.

"So you are dating her then."

"Oh we're way past that," I said smiling so that he could hear it through the phone. "And the funny part is, when you believed that she couldn't move on from you, she actually did so fast. I bet you remember that day you were escorted out of here by the guards? Well I guess you also remember me telling you that you'd eat your words. And yeah, this is it. After you treated her like trash, this is what happens to someone who deserves better. Someone who only wanted the best in life. An amazing woman."

"You're ridiculously childish and immature on the matter to even know what you're dealing with," he said in a firm tone. "She is by no means what you think she is. If you only knew the entire truth, you'd be running."

"So far it's been really...nice." I splayed my fingers out before me and smiled. "The fun we've had."

"She suffers from manic depression and is a psychotic case that more than often explodes," he pointed out generously, "she's lucky a report wasn't filed with the police after threatening her sister with a knife. Her own sister."

"Sir, I'm sorry but I have a report to finish, for, you know, your company. And I can't spend the entire afternoon on the phone without doing my work," I shook my head.

"It wouldn't be too long before you're shown what she's truly capable of," Robin said warily, "perhaps you cannot be sacked now since you've already handed in your resignation but note my warnings. She's a pathological liar and a whore -"

"I have to go," and I disconnected the phone just like that.

He called back. The ass actually called back and I purposely transferred the call to my supervisor, Lorene. Of course his number wouldn't register but mine and she just picked up the phone. I lowered my head but listened as he was spoken to and for the rest of the afternoon, my phone was set to have my calls transferred to her. Because she wouldn't know. No one would know. No one outside the department really called for me and anyone who wanted me was sitting just in the room.

That afternoon, Regina was working late at Flames with Maleficent. She was being read into the procedures and stuff within the magazine, Dazzle's biggest rival. The meeting lasted all day apparently. It was more like a training. And she wasn't due home till like eight. So after showering and deciding to spend the afternoon at home in front of the telly, there was a knock on my door. At first I was like, yay, she's home early and I was fooled. But as soon as I peeped through the hole and saw who it was, happiness bubbled over.

"Dude!" Chad came in and hugged me so tight, I couldn't breathe, "how are things hanging?" Dressed in a nicely ironed, green, long sleeved shirt and a pair of black jeans, he looked handsome as usual.

I snorted. "I thought you guys bought a house and decided to live in Miami."

"Kay," he came with just a green canvas bag on his back, "she remained in Miami with Ron. They're still honeymooning. Sickens me really," he wrinkled his nose and reminded me of his mother. "And I just wanted to come back here and harass mom a bit and you before heading off to L.A again."

I remembered him mentioning that he was going to do a Degree in Law. "You're starting September, right?"

He nodded, throwing himself on my couch. "Tuition and everything paid. By dad." He rolled his eyes. "I mean, would you believe that he's still buttering us up like kids?"

"Speaking of him," I went to my mini fridge and got us two cans of Cokes, "someone finally told him about your mom and me."

"Today?" his eyes were huge. "Are you shitting me or what? He only found out today?"

"Yeah," I shrugged, twisting the top of the can and sitting down beside him. "I gave him a hard time over the phone."

"As he deserves!" Chad ran his fingers through perfectly gelled hair, flipped to the right. "I mean, fuck. He's not even getting the end of the shit stick as much as mom is. And he's the prick. I met this buddy of mine from college in Miami. The dude wanted to know what's up with my parents in the media. Emma," he wiped his face, "you should see the media coverage they're getting in Miami. Especially since dad's name is actually Robin Hood..."

I laughed.

"The headline reads, and I quote," he held up his hands formed into two Cs, "Bedazzled and back in the Hood. Dazzled by infidelity. Hoodwinked. All sorts of crap. Has mom been watching the news?"

"Nope," I sipped some Coke and shrugged. "She's busy. Doesn't even watch TV."

"Good." He nodded in approval, staring at my small TV in front of us. "It would just depress her. All the things they're digging up. Like how she got me in the stables and I was covered in hay like baby Jesus."

Laughing at that one, I almost choked. "What?"

"Well she did get me at grandpa's farm the hard way without any doctors and stuff but in the stables? Covered in freaking hay? What do I look like?"

"Most likely a handsome stallion with his mane flipped to the right," I demonstrated and it was his turn to throw back and laugh. "She honestly got you outside of the hospital?"

"Yep," he nodded after recovering from my reference. Chad wiped his eyes. "It was hell for her. Or so she said. And she wouldn't lie. Her first child and no one there but this lady who had no idea what to do. I was early. About seven months in. Which is why I'm always early. Early to rise too."

He was a joke, literally. I couldn't stop laughing in his company.

"Kay was harder. Bigger head," he showed me about a two feet apart using his hands. "Harder to push out. She's the smarter one of course. More room to take up all the info and stuff."

"Geez, quit making fun of her." I punched him playfully.

"For me it was roughly twelve hours in labor and for Kay it was like a week. Dad missed both our births and didn't give a shit. Always making up excuses. Especially since mom was sick through both our pregnancies. He didn't care at all. Fucking retard."

"Hey, he's still your dad," I reminded him, "so don't hate on him like that. What's going on is between your mom and him."

"Yeah but Emma, I couldn't sit there and watch my own father cheat on my mother, you understand?" he sent me a pained look. "Knowing he was cheating on her with her own sister in our house. I'd get in sometimes and see Zelena leaving and knew immediately. I couldn't tell mom. She was so focused on her work, always busy and it would have killed her. Little did I know it was bound to happen? He did kill her. But you woke her up from the dead with a kiss of True Love."

He batted his eyelashes at me. I was smiling like a lunatic.

Very soon, the two of us decided to call Regina's driver and ask him to spin by to pick us up before heading over to Flames. Huddled in the backseat of the black Premio, we awaited our chance to surprise her. Chuck Chan, a nice Chinese guy who was her driver chuckled from the front seat and told us stories about his wife to kill the time.

"One problem," he said, his accent making me pay attention, preparing myself for his jokes, "she could never send message. Always dial my number and then say message as if answering machine ready. I pick up and before I get to listen, she put down."

Chad shook next to me from laughing.

"Women so funny too when body concerned. She ask me if dress looks nice. Dress mud brown and I lie. I say dress looks good! Very good! Because if I lie, I sit and she shouts for hours."

I bit my lips and shook with laughter. Chad had curled up in the seat and was twitching.

"If you mix up salt with sugar, how you blame me if cake taste like bitters?" he sighed and shrugged. "Tell me I have to take cake to work every day because my fault sugar mixed up with salt. I tell you!" he waved his finger and locked eyes with me in the rear view mirror, "women so confusing. If lipstick missing, she empty my bag!"

By the time Regina pushed the glass doors and came out of the headquarters of Flames, Chad and I were fighting the stitches in our sides from laughing too much. I noted the red, tailored dress she was wearing with a black sash twisted and tied to the side. Her black tailored jacket was unbuttoned. The usual black stockings and black, knee high, leather boots.

Pulling open the car door, she reached in to put her nice red leather binder and Chad collected it in silence, the two of us squeezed into the furthest corner. At first her hesitation afterwards was funny because she was probably wondering who the hell had collected her stuff. Lowering her head, we both growled and laughed.

"Jesus Christ!" she straightened up immediately.

Even Chan laughed. Getting in, still a bit shaky, we were both glared at as the door was pulled shut.

"Sorry, mom," Chad said trying to gently pat her shoulder. "Did we frighten you?" She lashed his hand away and scowled.

"I think we frightened her. Leave the tiger alone," I whispered.

After remaining silent until the car made a left instead of a right, she finally spoke up again. "Where are we going?"

"To this place where they erase your memories and give you new ones," he said smiling, "you can choose which ones you want to erase. It's very simple and the procedure is approved of by the CIA so -"

He received one hot lash with her balled up newspaper and then several others followed. I squeezed into the other corner as he squealed and cowered, the papers too thin to even create any harm.

"Look, I get it!" he said, slowly straightening up and shielding his eyes from her. "You're angry because I used all your shampoo before leaving for Miami but that's fine! It's all fine. I'll buy new ones. I'll buy a...box," he was glared at, "a box of apple scented ones. Do you want the watermelon ones too? I can steal those easily from Walmart instead of the others because -"

The lashing commenced.

"I'm joking!" he squealed, cowering again, "mom, I'm joking! Mom! Don't ruin the hair!" she stopped and smirked. "I spend time to develop this specific wave. Don't cramp my style."

"How was Miami?" she rubbed his back and pulled him close, pressing a kiss upon right temple. "Did you behave yourself?"

"I'm not ten and yeah, I behaved myself well through orgies and endless rounds of Tequila."

"You twat," she shook him, her brown eyes flashing. "How many times have I told you to limit yourself? What kind of ridiculous behavior is that? Displaying utter immaturity."

"I was joking."

"You're a Marine," she hissed, "you have a reputation to uphold. Don't play smart with me."

My eyes widened at that particular line, recollecting a phone conversation. Then again, Robin was probably the wuss in the relationship before. He most likely adapted everything he did or said from her. She was the boss. And I think the only person who could control her was herself. Not even me. Well I could. In bed. Making her lose her voice.

"I'm starting a Law Degree in September," he broke the news to her.

"Very well," she nodded. "You should have told me that decision was final. It is too late for you to sign up now. I'll speak to my friend tomorrow then."

"That's kind of why I brought it up though," he sent me a look and frowned, "my tuition was already paid."

She raised her eyebrows. "You withdrew from your savings?"

"No, dad paid it."

"He did what?" Regina stared at him.

"He kind of managed to get me out of the Marines officially and he helped me pay everything for the Degree," he elaborated.

Her eyes fluttered close and she sighed. "One failed attempt that he pushed you into from the beginning. Forcing you to become something he couldn't do. Trying to manipulate my children."

"Mom -"

"Just as he sent Kay away to boarding school all the way in Canada from the time she was ten years old. Spending time with his family." Regina was not in a good mood and I wanted to hug her. "He's always trying to separate me from you two. Always. And now he's trying to bait you."

"Mom, he's not going to succeed and you know it," Chad said softly, taking her hand and squeezing. "I've never been on his side. I've always been on yours, even when certain people tell me that I can't take sides because he's my father."

"Emma," her voice trembled.

I lost my breath then and we locked eyes. She smiled at me.

"She's right. He's your father. At the end of the day, whatever has happened is between him and me. Not you two."

"He's never approved of me being who I am since I was a kid," Chad pointed out and for the first time I was hearing that part. "You know how he used to treat me. You're the one that always had to save me from his verbal abuse. Calling me every single name there is. Just because I was and still am gay."

"His loss then," she said hoarsely, caressing his forehead. "You're the best son any mother could ever want."

"You're the best mom too and you've taught me one thing," he swallowed, "in the business field, if they want to shove money your way, then don't refuse. So he can bribe all he wants. I'm going to take it."

"Yes, but for how long?" Regina frowned. "Your father is a business man, dear. Once he sees that you're still inclined to remain in my best interests then the move to retaliate will come. And when it comes..." she sighed, "I'll always be here for you."

I loved her. Oh how I loved her so much. Speaking like that to her son when he was slightly doubted. Luring him in with her genuine compassion. She really was beyond amazing.

So Chad took us to a gay bar about three blocks away from Flames. Lo and behold, when we stepped out of the car, Regina was severely pissed. I read her mind instantly, knowing that she frowned upon her attire for the evening. Because really and truly, spending over seven hours in a meeting, you'd want to get home, shower and change. But Chad was persistent. He tugged off her black jacket in front of me. A bit of powder was patted onto her face. Her dark hair was fluffed up a bit. And she tried to bat his hands away, scowling.

"I want to go home."

"No," he said firmly, "you'll shower later. It's time to take a drink and relax. Plus I don't know why you want to change or anything. There's no one to please. Emma already loves you entirely so why make the effort?"

"I always make an effort," she said in that husky voice of hers that tingled my body. "I always pay attention to the way I appear. In every situation. Emma knows this."

"Yeah but you look gorgeous," I pointed out.

"I need to change. Chan," she reached forward and tapped at the window because yeah, Chad was fixing her up outside the damn car. "Chan, take me home."

"No, Chan," Chad said warily. "Why don't you tune into the game tonight and have a listen? We'll call you back when we're ready."

"Sure thing, boss," the Chinese dude nodded with a smile. The car's engine started and Regina turned to her son with wide eyes.

"Boss?" She took a hold of his shoulders and shook him. "He answers to me. Not you. I am his boss."

"It's amazing what a box of pepperoni pizza could do, poor guy," he cast a frown as the car drove away. "I fed him because he didn't get to buy lunch. Something you don't even consider. Having the guy drive you around all day and then he's starving. I treated him nice. He now calls me boss."

"But I'm his boss! He...drives...me. Not you."

Here we go. I folded my arms and watched the two of them argue over that. The trickle of people entering the bar wasn't that much to admire. In fact, the sign was much more interesting.

**SHE-NANI-GUNS**

What?

Nice glass windows giving anyone a good look inside. A rather intriguing layout, if you ask me. I remembered thinking, well this looks more like a cafe than a bar. But the difference was the small stage at the front where a band was playing something I couldn't hear properly. All around the interior was lined with a counter, made of stone and dotted with high stools. Shots were paid for and people helped themselves. To me, the outlay of the place looked really old fashioned.

When they were finished arguing, I led the way and my hand was snatched.

"Not there," Chad said. He winked whilst I stared back. "Round the back."

Well excuse me for setting my mood and feeling okay enough already to enter the place I had been studying for ten freaking minutes!

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Regina slipped a hand around me and we followed her mischievous son.

I glared at him, throwing all the blame his way for nothing at all really. "I just thought we were going in the front, that's all."

"That's my kind of setting." She threw a smile sideways at me and squeezed my side, her heels clicking on the stone pathway. "I went in a few times to wind down after a long day."

She was so warm and smelled so good, I couldn't imagine why a shower was desperately needed. But that was Regina, still hiding her wake up face from me whenever we slept together. And her belief in always looking presentable had been coded into that powerful mind. No one could change it.

"So you went in alone?" my eyes rested on the string of colorful lights wrapped around the wooden fence that lined the passageway we walked down.

"No."

When she didn't continue, I turned to look at her. Regina smiled.

"Lucky guy then?" I fished, searching that pretty face.

"Maybe," she was teasing me. I could note it in the way she avoided my eyes and kept on smiling. "Maybe it was another woman."

"Mally."

"Yes," Regina nodded. "And her husband, Max. Sharing after work drinks. A spot of Bourbon and finger foods. Tense times, those were. The times when I avoided New York like the plague."

"Why?" I frowned. Chad pushed open a gate and smiled widely at me. I didn't like that smile.

"Because of you."

I was suddenly reminded of her past words that were surprising confessions. Trying to make me believe that she had seen me and fell in love without us exchanging words. Never believing it then, but it was honestly felt now. How strong this feeling was between us. It was like growing attached to someone for some internal reason and knowing that it existed way before you even met. A soul-like connection. That's what she often called it. And I believed it. I believed every word.

"You're the kind of woman to boldly attack situations I'm usually shy in," I said to her, entering this place dotted with red tables and chairs. "So I don't believe that you grew weak in the knees and ran away from me."

Our eyes swept over the half empty place and Chad gestured for us to follow him further down the back. We wounded ourselves around tables that were vacant and went down another pathway, a red, and clay brick one. Eventually the path ended next to a small deck-like structure. Stepping onto the wooden balcony, I was greeted with the expansive body of water. The sprinkle of lights on the other side looked so beautiful, it took my breath away. The view.

"There is always an exception, Emma," she took my hand and we chose the ledge seats to the furthest corner. "You're the only person that has managed to weaken me so much, I am reduced to a mush."

We sat on the red leather seats with backs, the heels of her black leather boots hooked into the railing below. With the best view of the water that lapped upon the sand before us. Large trees here and there, boats docked just a little way off. It was really an amazing view. If you could imagine just sitting there, kind of like sitting in the front seat of a game with your legs dangling off the edge. Sitting next to her.

Chad came and rested a bottle of Bourbon between us because of course that's what Regina loved. I decided to taste it. Just an inch. She poured it out for me handed the glass to me, the ice tinkling inside. Her brown eyes were so warm when my reaction was awaited. And when I sipped and found it really okay, I gave her the thumbs up sign. Immediately half a glass was poured and she filled hers.

"As we were saying," I was pulled close, her left arm around me, our thighs pressed together, "there is always an exception."

"Yeah but you could have sent me secret admirer notes or something, couldn't you? Slipping them into my desk drawer."

"You would have never guessed that it was me," she sipped and licked her lips. "What was the fun in that?"

"Watching from your office as I read them," I said with a smile. "Wouldn't that have turned you on?"

"Yes. Immensely. But quite awkward it would have been to approach you and confess that the letters had come from me."

"I would have known something at least."

"What's done is done," she squeezed me closer. "Now we're together regardless. Everything happens in its own time."

I watched her. My left thumb reached out and caressed her parted lips, slowly. Regina turned her eyes upon me and really gazed back with a look in her eyes that signaled complete passion. It was so sudden, I immediately felt so warm inside, on fire.

"There you go," she said hoarsely, "you're doing it again."

"I'm doing what?" I studied her face.

"Knowing exactly what to do to...enact a reaction from me. All the time. You're capable of knowing exactly what to do."

Refusing to stop, I continued, lowering my fingers until they brushed her chest that heaved. I felt how her heart was beating fast and knew that somehow she was really into the moment as I was. Even before I moved in, she moved her lips closer and kissed me.

I was unprepared. I was astonished and melted when my lips were parted gently. The taste of Bourbon was never better than now. Clutching my glass between trembling fingers, I moved in and captured the kiss fully, tilting my head sideways and growing all dizzy. When we pulled away slightly, her eyes remained close.

A soft wind lifted her hair. Then she rested our foreheads together. "Make it last forever. Make me feel this way forever. I beg of you."

If you could only imagine how much those words meant to me. Seeping in and attacking me like a fever under my skin. The way her touch and warmth enveloped me and soothed my mind. Making me feel entirely whole again. Never broken and completely amazing. I guess that I've been using that word more than often these days, haven't I? Because she is. She's more than amazing. It's like imagining this for your whole life and then there's this person, this woman who switches up the game plan.

"Guess who called me today," I entwined our fingers and gazed at her red painted fingernails.

"Your mother."

"More like your ex-husband."

"What?" she shifted in her seat to face me, eyes wide. "What the hell for?"

"To ask me if I'm sleeping with his wife," I smiled and sipped some Bourbon, allowing it to burn my insides. Loving the way it felt going down. She was still staring at me. "And I kept circling the truth."

"You should have said, yes. I'm sleeping with your ex-wife, you frigging twat," she sassed, her head dancing, "you disgraceful piece of shit."

I snorted and felt the wind caress my cheeks, savoring it. "He's still my boss in a way."

"No he isn't. Don't get smart with me like Chad. No one is your boss. That position is reserved for me and me only. When the time arises, of course." She nodded.

I frowned and stared at her in disbelief. "As I can clearly remember, the last time we made love, I didn't resurface as hoarse as a crow." Brown eyes widened and she blinked. "So if there's any boss, then it's me." I laughed and tickled her left ear. "Just kidding."

Shaking her head, she smiled wryly. "There is no boss between us to be honest. We're both capable of weakening each other. To an extent."

"To what extent?" my lips were pressed to her ear and she trembled. "Tell me. Go on."

"I'm the…screamer and you're the…wide eyed comer."

"Well when you put it that way," I smiled. She refilled our glasses, reaching between us. Dark, choppy hair falling into her eyes. Lashes fluttering. "You're the pro though."

"Thank you." There was no hesitation in responding and I laughed. "Glad I could display my passionate feelings for you in that way. Pent up feelings. Torturous ones. These raging emotions. Sitting at that desk of yours and having me forcefully constrain myself." I was handed my glass. "Trying to squeeze my legs tighter to fight the sexual urges."

"I love it when you talk dirty to me, Miss Mills," I teased her, leaning in close again.

We gazed at the scene before us and after a while, she questioned his conversation with me. I related most of it to her. Already forgetting what exactly transpired, but she guessed the rest.

"A pathological liar and whore," his words were repeated in that husky voice of hers. "Yes I had to lie constantly to hide his infidelity in our marriage. Yes I cheated but only to stick pins in his ego. It was rather enjoyable to watch him react after learning about my flings with younger men. And obviously us being together will scar him. Deeply I could only imagine." A wide smile spread across her face. "Just imagine my sister's reaction to this glorious news."

"You mean her finding out about us?"

"Yes."

Sliding my arm around her, I buried my face into her left shoulder. "So there's no chance of me meeting the mother and sister then."

"You've met my family already." She referred to Chad and Kay. "That is all there is to expect. Don't bother about the other two. But if the situation arises then by all means feel victorious because you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. And anyone who disagrees isn't worth your worry. Pity them instead. Poor, unfortunate souls."

"Love the Little Mermaid reference," I nuzzled my face into her apple scented hair and she curled into me, exhaling all in one go.

"Keep doing that."

"This?" my parted lips brushed upon her warm neck and I was immediately held tighter, squeezing us together. Fingers raked through my hair then, blonde tendrils tangled from the wind.

"Yes. That."

"How about this?" Biting her left earlobe gently, I pulled like a kitten and she trembled, squeezing my fingers."And this." Pushing myself up, I threw a leg over her lap as she stared at me in awe. Then seating myself upon her, the glass of half-filled Bourbon was pried from cold fingers.

"Dear me, Emma!" she was so breathless, voice barely a whisper. "People are around us."

"I don't care." Running my fingers behind her ears, the feel of soft hair, she moved into me. Almost as if drawn by a magnetic force, hands running up my back. It was incredible. Feeling how she breathed, warm breath caressing my face. "If I could, I'd let the entire world know that I'm in love with you. So fuck them."

"I don't want to…fuck them…in a manner of speaking," red painted lips were licked. "There is only one person that applies to."

"Wondering who that lucky person is," rubbing our noses together, she didn't smile, completely enveloped from passion. I could see it in her eyes. Brown that clouded with lust. The plea in her gaze calling me to answer. To do so without words and more action.

"I want you," she whispered, brushing our lips together. As soon as she did that, my heart did a flip flop. A somersault into a pit of passion that blinded my mind. "I want you so badly, Emma."

My lungs gave up. Her words flipped the switch, shutting my mind down and all I could think about was our bodies between the sheets. Like literally, somehow having access to magic and poofing us out of there. Tumbling us onto a warm bed, legs tangled up and so much more pressed together. All of that raced through my mind, pounding my heart and I went in for a kiss. One that was so deep and slow, she unearthed a moan from me. Biting my bottom lip and pulling me in closer.

"Let's go explore," I breathed, our cheeks pressed together.

"I'm not doing that washroom quickie again, although it was rather mind-shattering."

A kiss was pressed upon my face. "No, I mean, let's go for a walk out there," I gestured behind me and suddenly reared my head to check out the area around.

Only two tables were occupied and both couples were heavily kissing, like sucking on each other's faces, hands twisted around necks and stuff. No one was paying any attention to us. Chad was nowhere in sight and I bet he had returned to the opening that we entered first. After hearing a moan from behind us, Regina followed my eyes and she stared in awe.

"Well would you look at that."

"And you were saying something earlier about people watching?" I felt so mushy when she kept her arms around me. "Should we continue here or head somewhere else?"

"Perhaps a nice walk along the water's edge might be quite romantic," she suggested, "at the moment, I feel rather...uncomfortable. As if we're in a playroom of sorts. My son...is going to explain this atrocity later."

I slipped off of her and we held hands whilst stepping down from the small balcony. Onto the red brick pathway that led onto the river side. Following it was easy. Savoring the fresh air was perfect. Especially when I glanced over and saw how the wind captured her hair and fluttered it around. Reaching up, fingers raked themselves through dark, choppy strands as she honestly appeared so gorgeous.

Very soon, we had walked a short way and ended up near the boats docked by a blue, wooden house. Quite empty at that moment, the dark windows appeared like ghoulish eyes staring at me.

The spray of salt was refreshing, already burying itself inside my hair.

Holding her left hand, fingers entwined, we stopped and glanced back to see how far we had come. Not so far, just a stone's throw away. And from where we stood, I could see the fenced off yard where Chad was obviously enjoying himself. The string of lights around the area was right there.

"Emma, there's something I haven't told you," she pulled me in, her eyes suddenly softer, clouded with tears obviously from the sting of the wind. I hoped so. I really, really hoped that it was the wind.

"What now?" my heart suddenly did a flip flop again.

Lips parted, she drew me in closer than ever, our chests pressed together as if we were about to share our first dance. Her warm fingers reached behind my neck and raked upwards. The feeling was amazing. Drawing me in and hugging me so close, I felt her heart beating.

"I wanted to call you today. I really wanted that. But I was so busy."

"It's okay," I said, realizing that my voice was shaky because I was really nervous. Wondering what she was going to tell me. "I know that you were busy."

"But that's all," pressing her palms upon my face, she brought our foreheads together. "Emma, I had the most horrible dream last night. About us." The huskiness of her voice melted my heart. But the fear was there more than ever before. "I dreamed that I woke up and you were...gone. And I tried calling you but I couldn't get an answer. And when I went over to your apartment, it was...empty."

It wasn't the wind. It was genuine tears. She was crying and she was shaking. So suddenly, I didn't understand how it happened. It frightened me so much, I grew so cold inside because I realized that since we picked her up from work, she had been hiding this so well. All this emotion pent up.

"Regina..." I hugged her but she was so stiff. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Everyone leaves me," she shook within my grasp, her face buried into my right shoulder. "I'm always alone."

"No, you're not, okay?" Bringing her eyes to the front, I got swallowed hard, "listen to me, I'm not going to leave you. Ever. I promise. I really do. And I don't break my promises. I don't ever do that. The only reason why you walked in my apartment in that nightmare and saw it empty was because of one thing."

She studied my face. Her cheeks were so wet already from tears. "What?"

"It meant that I didn't need an apartment anymore and I was most likely moving in with you. That's what it meant. It wasn't a nightmare. It was a dream. A very good one. Because it's about the future. We dream about the future, okay?" I couldn't hold back my tears and they came, clouding my eyes. "It's about what you want. We dream about what we want. And most times, our dreams don't get a chance to finish, to have a happy ending, that's why we wake up feeling lost."

Her chest heaved, and with lips parted, I was gazed at. "Do you really think so?"

"I don't think so. I know so. That's all there is. And nothing else. And you know it, deep down inside. We're going to last for a long time. People don't have this connection that we do. They don't. That's why they grow older and find differences and break apart. But with you, we connect deeper. You're my..." I inhaled deeply as her thumbs wiped my eyes.

"You're my soul mate," she finished for me. For both of us.

"Yeah, I am. I really am. Don't cry, babe. I hate it when you cry," bringing her face closer, I wiped away the tears with trembling fingers. "You really squeeze my heart when you cry. Please don't."

"Emma," she whispered, hugging me tighter again, "my Emma."

That really made me collapse inside as I've mentioned before. When she said that to me. My Emma. Could you even imagine that? Has anyone ever said that to you? Because it feels as if you mean the world to someone and this is it. This is the part where you're about to become so much happier than before. I couldn't breathe.

"My super sexy, and pretty gorgeous future wife," I said with a smile, completely high on the wind, her scent and her touch.

Pulling our faces apart, she gazed into my eyes, searching them. "Your…wife."

"Someday. I just always feel like that as the days go by. Thinking about a lifetime with you. That kind of thing," I was so nervous, watching her face. Trying to detect if there was hesitation.

"I've been thinking the same thing every day and many need a ring to officiate such a bond. But with you, that bond has already been created from the first time we cast eyes on each other." She rested her lips upon my right cheek. "Do you remember the first time we saw each other?"

I inhaled deeply and shivered slightly from the amazing memory. "Yeah, how can I ever forget? You standing there, one foot bent, boot resting on the wall behind you. Wearing red, smiling at me. And I walked right past you."

"Yes. Of course I…knew…it was you already," she confessed. "I had seen you before. But the actuality of us locking eyes and you walked past. Returning my smile. That was the most beautiful thing in my entire life thus far."

I silenced her with a kiss. One that lasted for such a long time, it was fantastic. And the wind caressed us, passion binding our bodies together. If there was one thing I wished for in that moment, it was to spend the rest of my life with her. Without regrets. And never wanting to let go.


	10. Here's The Beginning From Her Side

**Regina Mills**

**May 19th, 2013**

It was pointless.

The continuous ringing of the phone to my right that would never cease. Had I snatched the godforsaken man-made device and tossed it onto the wall then they'd obviously try to sue me for damages. But the nuisance was becoming quite a headache and I simply couldn't muffle my nerves anymore. So snatching a bottle of Advil, I was about to twist the cap off when Lucas knocked.

Of course it would be her. The tall brunette that served as my Personal Assistant and had filled the post for over seven years now. Her attitude to life could be quite nonsensical at times. But the plain truth was that no one could handle the job as efficiently and effectively as her. Very tall and lanky, her stature very suitable to become a model if so desired. But Lucas had other plans. And staying out of the spotlight whilst harassing the ticking second out of me was her mission at Dazzle.

"The files you requested," she rested another pile of paperwork upon my desk. As if the four other ones weren't enough already.

I stared at them and waited, lips pursed, hands folded upon my neatly arranged desk.

"Oh don't sit there and act all dumb," her rudeness had grown on me. Like a piercing, the aching had subdued over the years.

"What files are these?"

"The files containing your nudes," and widening her eyes at me, I was mocked. "Geez, the applications you wanted me to get. I went through the 100 as you oh so requested and narrowed them down to 50."

"And I'm supposed to sift through 50 additional paperwork to retrieve a suitable candidate?"

"You're the boss," she folded her arms. "Not me."

"Look," reaching up, aching fingers rubbed at my right temple, eyes lowered, "narrow the heap down to 15 and return it to me this afternoon."

"Happy searching," and without another word, the idiotic but highly motivated excuse of an assistant I had strode out my office.

I was left with a ringing telephone, five piles of paper and my wedding ring staring at me from the bottom of a glass of water. My only wish was to bake the damn thing into his favorite dish comprising of meat balls and watch him choke on it. The amount of times I had thought up of ways to murder him without anything leading back to me. A possible overdose of sleeping tablets or knocking him unconscious, and shipping his ass off halfway across the word. Into the Amazon jungle among a tribe of rebels.

My chest was on fire because I knew he was sleeping with someone. I knew it. And that's why the phone was snatched up after ringing for four hours.

I listened.

"Finally," even his voice sickened my stomach now. "Let's have the conversation. I have time."

"You have time," I sassed, "to do your dirty deeds behind my back."

"What are you talking about?" he honestly sounded dumb. "Are you seriously accusing me of infidelity?"

"Yes."

Robin sighed. Picturing him in that office in Los Angeles wasn't hard to do because my return to New York had only been last night. We had dinner last evening at a fancy restaurant. He buttered me up with words and then disappeared a quarter past six to attend a private function with his friends. Upon calling the wife of one of these friends, I was told that her husband had flown out of the country that morning. So that forced me to do one thing and only one thing. I got my P.I to tail him.

His evening had been spent at the Green Ivy Inn.

"There is no way in hell I'm going to have this conversation with you," he said warily. "No way. Because you're being ridiculous. After we spent such a glorious evening together. After we talked and had a great time, you're suddenly clouding everything with suspicions."

"That have substance," I added.

"What?"

"Are the rates low this time of the year at the Green Ivy?" I pressed on, my sass kicking in and spiraling out of control. "Did you book the grand suite or was it a quick fuck in the washroom after stuffing your mouth again? Because if there's one thing about you is your disgusting appetite."

"Quit it, Regina," he warned. "Shut it down now."

"No, I'm not going to shut...it...down," I seethed into the phone, shadows moving outside my office. "Who is she? I'm giving you one more chance to confess."

"Regina, this is ridiculous!"

"I want a name and I want it now."

"What the hell are you -"

"If you don't give me her name, Robin, I'll find out anyway. I have eyes on you. And you know it."

"So you're following me now? You're paying people to follow your own husband?" he sounded nervous to me, probably shaking. "What do you hope to achieve out of this?"

"Unearthing the truth, you twat," I hissed, "and I will know. You're cheating on me."

"Just because we haven't been intimate for a couple months now, you're jumping to that conclusion?"

"Dear, I haven't received a mind-blowing moment from you since we wedded over twenty six years ago. So spare me the pride coming from your end. This marriage has become a business bond and nothing else. But the minute you step out of line and break that vow, then you'll pay the consequences."

He actually laughed at me and I was stunned. "You'll go running to Cora? Mommy dearest? And tell her what? That her V.P and yours...as I should remind you, he's cheating? After you throw in the business bond marriage or before you break that news? Have you taken your pills, Regina?"

"Oh fuck you," I directed his way and slammed the phone down.

As tears stung my eyes, I bitterly demanded that Ruby hold all my calls. How could he play me like this? Like a fiddle? Right under my nose. Regardless, it was my duty to know. As his wife. I was required to know if he was having an affair. Would I agree to such a thing? Most likely not but eventually it would dawn upon me that a divorce was needed. And we'd work along those lines. Surprising me would be a very bad idea. A very detrimental one. Especially on mother's end because she really believed that Robin and I had the perfect marriage.

Glaring at the pile of applications and resumes, I pulled them towards me and decided to focus on that for the next hour. An hour stretched into two after reading the most colorful and falsely put descriptions in my entire life. Seriousness upon the situation became a joke. Most of them were obviously unaware of my power in this chair. Really stating that they shared previous working experience with Flames and Glamour. When one phone call could shoot all these lies down. They could be sued. Maybe not.

After running through about thirty ridiculous ones, I skipped fifteen and flipped through the remaining five. Three of them were men and two were women. The three men were qualified but somehow my choice in this profession was to stay away from hiring male personal assistants. There was something quite fatiguing about the gossip circulating about such puzzling relationships. Call me biased but that was my firm opinion and I pushed those three out of the way. The fourth one was quite boring after the second line and then I reached the fifth.

From the moment her first paragraph was read, my attention was sought out. Her easy flow of words captivated me, especially from describing herself briefly and mentioning her strengths whilst also bringing forward a flaw. She didn't like working with numbers. Hence the Accounts department was completely off limits even as a referral. The simple connections we shared were noticeable. The ability to handle herself within groups. Working independently as well and highly industrious. Very focused. Very attentive and a touch typist. Bingo.

There was something that drew me to seek out more. I flipped through her documents provided and found the official application sheet that needed to be filled out before even providing other paperwork. It was the entry sheet that Dazzle made available to the public. Many could fill that form up. But only few would receive calls to send in their applications.

Attached to that form was her picture. A stare turned into a study that was conducted on emerald eyes. I found myself gazing at her face for a very long time and the way she gave the camera that small smile. My focus rested next upon her name. In uppercase. Her address. Her date of birth. I noted her age. Just a university student. Originally from Maine, and quite the excellent record sheet. Graduating with honors from high school with a massive attachment of subjects.

"Emma Swan," I tasted her name and licked my lips. Slowly reaching for the phone, Ruby was dialed. "I've made my selection," the photo was gazed at.

"Oh yeah?" she sounded rather shocked but I couldn't care less. "Which one?"

I repeated the name and savored it.

"She's a good one actually. Met her myself."

"You did?" I was intrigued.

"Yeah, when she came in to bring her resume. Are you sure she's the one?"

I hesitated after her question, lingering a little on the actual meaning. Because something had happened to me suddenly. Could you possibly become bewitched from a photograph? Perhaps I was losing my mind. But this young woman, whoever she is. I needed to hire her.

"Yes. I'm sure."

"Cool," Ruby's keyboard tapped outside, "well let me call her now and request the other documents. She's not far away. Probably can swing by today and drop them off."

I can confess that my eyes often flicked outside the shutters, hoping to catch a glimpse of that distinct shade of blonde hair. Within the picture, she had her hair captured back into a ponytail. But the color was evident. It was remembered by me.

Just around six and after the office had been emptied out for the day, Ruby remained outside. My fault entirely, she was typing up a pile of invoices for me. I was on a conference call with the L.A office about implementations and caught the blur of someone moving past the office outside. Upon further investigation with my prying eyes, my heart gasped when I snatched a glimpse of that swinging ponytail. Rising from my desk barely, I peered outside and saw a young woman handing something to Ruby.

"Emma Swan, right?"

"Yeah, that's me."

"You're the lucky one then," Ruby smiled and took the yellow folder.

"Yeah, I guess," Emma tugged at the strap on her black backpack and shrugged, "I'm already nervous."

"Aww, don't be sweet cheeks. Most exciting job. Don't worry. Plus you'll be working for the most amazing boss there is."

"Um...you mean Miss Regina Mills?"

"Yep," there was the sound of Ruby stapling documents together. I was awaiting the woman to display her face. "Very sassy but she's awesome."

"Cool," Emma reached up to tuck blonde hair behind an ear and I stared. "So, that's all for now?"

"Yep, and I'll give you a call later to let you know exactly what date you have to start, okay?"

"Thanks."

"Have a groovy afternoon, Emma," Ruby said in farewell.

"You too, Miss Lucas," she smiled awkwardly and finally I was given a full view of her face. How beautiful. I believed that I stopped breathing.

"Call me Rubes," Lucas returned.

Emma did an awkward turn and smiled. She nodded. "Bye, Rubes." She waved.

I didn't even realize that I was smiling slightly, my fingers resting upon the door. Watching her walk off, my chest felt rather jittery inside. There was definitely something there. And when I caught myself, for a moment, it stunned me. What the hell was I doing? Blinking fast enough, I returned to my desk and attacked the conference with direct focus that only lasted for the next hour. From then on, I couldn't stop thinking about Emma Swan.

Xxx

**December 29th, 2013**

The festivities were gradually coming to a close upon my arrival to the New York office. Christmas had cheerfully come and gone. The excited spirits in the air had created such a sense of awakening in everyone's minds. But it was quite different for me. In fact, my life had recently been stabbed repeatedly with lies and deceit.

From one revelation to the next. To discover that my husband was indeed sleeping with another. The evidence around our expansive mansion in Los Angeles and the pair of familiar gold earrings squeezed between the cushions of his dark green Hummer. I had been searching for my bottle of Aspirin that Saturday, only to have something wink at me from the corner of my eye. Prying the object out, the green stones were like a slap in the face. Of course I hadn't latched any suspicions onto the exact person in that time. But gazing upon it now, Zelena was the culprit.

She had purposely left that token there to display her rather rude intrusion into my personal life.

A bad headache was upon me when I entered Dazzle late that evening. Walking through the setting and nodding at familiar faces. I noticed a few new ones and realized that new recruits had been added since my absence.

To deprive a CEO the chance of firing her own V.P. That specific atrocity ran through my aching mind in bold. Because my mother had taken matters into her own hands and rewritten the policies and guidelines. The code of ethics. Only she could release a senior employee from the Board or top management. I could only eject my senior supervisors and managers from both offices.

"Well look who shows up when Christmas is over," Ruby announced, her arms draped around one of the men from the Designs department. "Mrs. Scrooge."

Only she could be rather bold with me. Anyone else refused to even crack a joke in my presence. Not that I gazed upon such lack of humor as upsetting because at all times my presence was to be treated with the utmost respect. I never tolerated nonsense and my patience for slip ups had grown thin. Especially as of recent.

A wave of nausea washed over me and I quickly waved Lucas' ill remark off. Backing out from a cubicle, a young woman bumped into me and I felt as if I'd hurl the contents of my stomach right there.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I replied, never even registering who it was.

But further scrutiny washed me over with a feeling of dread. Pressing the door to my office close, I gazed through the shutters and highlighted the very person who had collided with me. That distinct shade of blonde hair immediately erased my nausea. The manner in which she spoke, very animated. Eagerness displayed upon her face, kind eyes and her stature. Taller than me by a few inches. Standing like a man with her legs parted as Christmas decorations were untangled and placed into cardboard boxes.

It was Emma Swan.

Xxx

**19th April, 2014**

"This session is all about you, Regina."

The low hum of the A.C unit outside his window slightly irritated my nerves. Traffic moved by below and the blaring of horns only triggered a migraine within my skull. A pounding one that could not simply be removed by an excess of painkillers. Even using a cool pad pressed upon my aching head would never minimize the throbbing. It was almost as if construction had been in progress for three months now within my brain.

"And...I would like for us to at least make some progress." His eyes remained on me. "At some point, you must feel the need to cooperate." He leaned forward in his seat.

Arms folded, I hugged myself and still felt the vacant feeling within me. A void that had been filled two weeks ago by a living being. A child that could have been alive at that very moment if it wasn't for the harsh reality I had to face. Pushing the door and stepping into our master bedroom. The sight of bodies entwined. Blonde hair streaked green tumbling over her shoulders as she moved over him. As she claimed what was mine and destroyed our trust between each other permanently.

A scene that remained imprinted in my mind even after three months.

"At some point," Archie wouldn't stop staring at me, "something must be said."

I remained silent.

"How do you feel at this exact moment?"

Listening to the world breathe around me, my eyes burned because for most of the population, today was just another glorious one. But for me, it was like living through another day in hell. The flick of flames upon my heart, enveloping me in a cloud of smoke that simply would not clear away.

"Pain."

A few seconds of silence elapsed. "And...is this pain physical or emotional?"

"Both."

There was the click of his ballpoint pen. My eyes rested on him scribbling my words upon that yellow notepad.

"Let's speak about the physical pain," his voice was soothing, "let's...briefly touch on that area because I know it must be really hard for you at this point. To talk about what happened."

I said nothing and refused to look at him. His bookcase was studied instead, dark mahogany and polished to a shine.

"But in order for you to make some progress, Regina, you have to let what's inside to come out a bit. It will take some time. But eventually it will happen. Eventually there will come a day when you will sit and breathe again. Feeling very relaxed. Unlike now. You're tense. I can understand that."

"I lost my baby," I said, surprised to realize that my voice came out as barely a whisper. Clearing my throat, the tears just stung the corners of eyes that were already tired.

"Regina, it is a terrible loss. But it's not your fault," Archie's voice was like applying cooling gel upon muscle pains.

"It is my fault," I croaked, dark hair falling into my eyes. Reaching up, I brushed the strands away and sniffed. "No one can understand what this entails. All of it. Was my fault. I...was grasping at straws. I was stupid."

"No you weren't," he reassured me, "you weren't stupid. You wanted to believe that it could last. And nothing would happen like this. No one expects something like that to happen, Regina."

"No, but the signs were there," my throat felt so raw, "everywhere. I simply overlooked them and believed it to be another woman."

"And had this been another woman," he pressed on, leaning forward again, "do you honestly think that the hurt would have been minimized?"

"I'll never know now, will I?" my eyes felt sore. "What was seen cannot be unseen. I was treated like...nothing. I couldn't even retrieve my clothes." Clenching my fists, I stared at my veins showing and instantly felt the bite of pain. Sharp pain originating from the sliced wound upon my left wrist, bandaged now. "And the worst part of all was being thrown out of my own house as if I was a stranger. Pushed outside and have my bags thrown onto the driveway."

"He was physical with you."

I refused to justify that statement because of the harshness of it. The reality that could kick in and either make me appear as a fool or a successful winner. My son has urged me to report the incident. So did my best friend Mally who was the CEO of Flames, a competing magazine of Dazzle. But at that point in time, after his cheating was discovered within our own mansion, my life began to spiral downwards.

A lack of eating, trying to end the pain and end it once and for all. Being quite selfish pertaining to my children because they needed me as their mother and I had acted on impulse. Trying to take my own life, believing that there wasn't much worth left in me. And no one would grieve my absence.

"I was never enough." He allowed me to slip my feet out of knee high brown leather boots. I was wearing black ankle socks, curled under me upon his comfortable maroon colored, two cushioned, leather chair. "I was never enough to my mother or my own husband."

"But you are enough to your father, correct?"

I nodded. "My father always treasure me more than my sister. I was book smart and she was...boy crazy. We were never similar and always differed in tastes. Until...him...of course."

"You are also enough in relation to your daughter and son."

"Yes."

"Especially your son." Archie scribbled upon the notepad, eyes lowered. "He's the one who recommended me to you because he's been seeing me over the years. But we're not here to speak about anyone else but you."

"My son is everything there is about me," I returned in a strained voice. "When everyone gives up on me, even my daughter, he believes in me no matter what. And I have always had this connection with him. From the time he was born, he's been very special to me. Not that Kay isn't. But she's very close to her father whereas he has been special."

"Because he's gay." His statement was rather bold but nevertheless true.

"Yes."

"Which brings me to another part of my analysis on you, Regina," he cleared his throat. His eyes were softer now. "How can you claim to feel less worthy after this revelation with your husband when you claim to be gay? Doesn't that at least ease the burden of discovering that maybe it is time to let go of something that kept holding you down?"

"It wasn't about my sexuality," I said in a small voice, "it was about our...trust...between each other. I trusted him. I believed in him. That's what a marriage is for. To bind two people together, regardless. And that trust still remains. There was a time when we used to relate everything to each other. Until he decided to distance himself and treat me like a dark horse."

"Do you trust yourself, Regina?" he frowned.

I frowned as well. "What do you mean?"

"Do you trust yourself enough to embrace your sexuality? How you feel about the same sex? Do you believe that what you feel is what you want and there is nothing in this world that could stop you from being that way?"

"I...no..." I swallowed. "Yes."

He smiled barely. The pen was pointed at me. "Your slight hesitation speaks volumes. Embracing who you are is the first step to making progress, Regina. You need to be the center and have everyone and everything else revolve around you. You are important. Your children are important. I'm not saying that at no point should he have been important. But initially, that kind of marriage was not what you really wanted, was it?"

I inhaled deeply, eyes focused on him. "No."

"When did you first realize that you were attracted to the same sex? When did it strike you as a moment where you realized that this is what I want?" he seemed to be quite relaxed on the topic and I found it rather soothing. It wasn't a man getting off on the fact that I was gay. It was someone who understood the complications and wished to help.

"When I was a child."

"And what prevented you from embracing who you are from that age?"

I sighed, eyes lowered. My fingers squeezed the other. "My mother."

"Elaborate a little more for me," he urged, "go ahead."

I swallowed. "When I was a child, and I'd ride horses, or I'd wear pants, my mother would often disapprove of my methods. Of the way I dressed or styled my hair. She always made rude remarks about me evolving to become a nurse, a lonely old woman living by herself."

"Do you think that your mother knows about your sexuality?"

"I believe that every mother knows enough about their children to gain some sense of an understanding," I stated, my eyes on him. "I knew my son was gay from the age of ten. He never behaved feminine or wore dresses. But I felt it inside of me. And because of that, I protected him at any cost."

"Because your mother never did the same for you," he addressed my weakness, "and you felt the need to never let the same thing happen to your child."

"Yes."

"Because of this connection with your son, Regina," he studied me with worried eyes, "why would you even think about taking your own life? Twice too? Didn't it strike you as a rather painful thing to do in relation to your child? Do you believe he would have not grieved your absence more than anything in the world?"

"I admit that it was selfish, yes," I nodded. "At the time, I was in severe pain and my mind was clouded with doubt and depression."

"With his permission, he asked me to highlight a few things he said in our last session. We spoke about you for most of the time. And one thing Chad spoke of was your, and I quote..." his eyes were lowered. He picked up another notepad and searched for a line. "My mother is the most amazing woman in my life. Every single moment I spend with her, every moment is left in my memory. Even when we speak on the phone."

My eyes instantly clouded with tears. I bit my lips.

"She has no idea how beautiful she is or how much I love her because I can't express it as much as I want to. But she's the only source of hope I have. And I will always remember that one time I came into the house wearing my sister's pair of red high heeled shoes. I was sixteen. Dad chucked me down into the basement and locked the door. Even though he knew I was afraid of going down there. I remembered screaming for him to let me out. And then I fainted. The next thing I knew, someone was kicking the door constantly. And she was so pumped on adrenaline, mom kicked the door off its hinges and she came in for me. She was crying."

I squeezed my eyes shut and inhaled deeply.

"She took me to bed, as big as I was back then and hugged me until I fell asleep. Even when I did fall asleep, she stayed with me. Mom made me stay home for a week, collecting my homework and taking care of me. That's my mom. She's an angel."

Pinching my eyes, I cried silently because that memory was always fresh in my mind. Always. The hatred erupting in Robin every time he saw Chad, knowing that his son was gay. The amount of times I fought with him about our son. Constantly. That's why his affections turned upon Kay and he showered her with gifts. She went to the best schools, was gifted with everything a girl could ever want. Whilst Chad was shipped off to be a Marine.

"He was quite aware of my bond with my son," my voice was hoarse, "hence why Chad was forcefully enlisted to be a Marine."

"And even though Robin has done these things to you," he pressed on, in a very calm voice, "Regina, you still blame yourself for what has occurred in his life? And yes," he nodded, "I said his life, because your lives have never been entwined even where your children were concerned. You differed on many levels. You said to me in a previous session that this marriage was bland and all about business."

I nodded.

"Have you ever had romantic feelings for this man?"

I sighed. My eyes flicked to his window, the sky blue, and the day hot as ever. "No. He was never worth that much."

Silence elapsed and Archie cleared his throat. "Can you please repeat that last line, Regina? Slowly for me?"

My eyes returned to him and I studied his face. My arms were folded. "He was never worth that...much." Tasting my words for the first time, I blinked a few times and felt a slight weight lift off my chest.

Archie smiled wryly. "I call that progress. Don't you?"

Since our sessions had begun, over a week ago, I cracked a small smile.

"If there was one thing that your mind could attach itself onto currently, apart from your children," he advised me, "what would that be? It could be a television show, or a book that soothes you, or something you do that eases your mind. It could be someone. Maybe a friend or someone you've always felt deeply for. Whether romantic or..."

"There...is...someone," I confessed. I scrubbed sore eyes with the heels of my hands. "But I'm...non-existent."

He frowned. "Why do you say that?"

"It's complicated."

"And we were making progress just a second ago. Regina..." he scratched his forehead, "if you wish to move on from this, then you have to be completely honest with yourself."

"Yes. But there is my private life and I wish not to divulge certain information with you," I returned.

"Fine," he nodded. "That's fine. Perfectly fine. I don't need a name. I can work with this person being a she. Is she very special to you then?"

I nodded. My lips were bitten.

"Is she a friend or a best friend or a -"

"I'm in love with her," I blurted out, realizing that my heart had jumped a few strides ahead of my brain. Clearing my throat, I waved it off, avoiding his eyes. "It is rather complicated."

"Regina," he appeared to be really intrigued, "that is actually amazing."

It was my turn to look at him now. "It is?"

"It is amazing. And is she inclined to the same sex as well?"

I shrugged, and folded my arms. "I don't know. It doesn't matter. These things never work out and I'm never this lucky. I've never been."

"Says the CEO of Dazzle who seals deals quickly and is well known worldwide for her charm and quick wit." Archie smiled at me. "I bet that if you had more belief in yourself. If you had more hope, Regina, things would start happening in the best light for you. If you started to believe that things will get better, then they will most likely. It's all about your mind set." He tapped his right temple with the pen. "If you want it, you will get it."

"Yes, but what if -"

"No," he interrupted me, waving it off, "I don't want to hear any 'buts' or 'what ifs'. I want to hear, 'I will' and 'I hope' and 'I know'."

I sighed. "Okay."

He smiled.

Xxx

I had seen her so many times, it was impossible to keep track of those guilty moments of mine. Purposely avoiding her had become my main aim at the New York office. On most occasions, I'd quietly slip past her desk whilst one of those washroom breaks was taken. Getting in during the mornings, I carefully noted her regular arrival at 8:15 and forced myself to make it by 8:00 or earlier. If the desk was occupied, my usual rounds into the different departments commenced without notice. By lunchtime, I'd slip in without being noticed.

Why did I do this?

Simply because my ridiculous feelings for a stranger was spiraling out of control. Oftentimes I found myself pondering on the idea of sending her flowers. The thrill to peep from my office as they arrived with a blank card. Watching the puzzled expression upon that beautiful face. What if I wrote a letter and slipped it into her desk drawer? I could disguise my penmanship quite well. It could be successfully managed. But to what purpose? To get a rise out of someone and stand by to watch them revel in a secret admirer? Suppose that action pushed her into another person's arms? Perhaps she'd take it as a sign from another within the office and seek out the source. Because nothing would lead back to me.

We had never met and that was my fault.

I can recall several times when she frequented my office without the knowledge of me being present. There was an adjoining room attached to my lair. The door always remained locked but the shutters between the walls were always open. And maybe she never believed me to inhabit that space but it was where I first managed to study her curiosity attached to my bookshelf and my desk.

It happened just about a month after that last visit with Archie. It was May and a rather hot one. I had retreated to that small space that contained a three cushioned red, velvet covered chair. Curled up upon it, severe cramps had been attacking me to a point where my eyes teared up. Hugging the pillow, I was just about to close my eyes when the door was pressed close and in she walked. Of course, she couldn't detect my position immediately. Emma appeared to be the kind of young woman to complete a task without prying.

But my bookcase managed to captivate her attention and she approached it with tentative steps. Reaching out to touch one of my volumes, her fingers pulled away as if second thinking such a bold move. Rather tempting it was for me to lie there and witness the scene. It was alluring to gaze upon her with my roaming eyes that walked all over a body clothed in a crisp white shirt and a black, pencil skirt. The shiny locks of blonde hair was my eyes most prized focus. Lifting my head, I managed to indeed capture the curve of her hips and in between them. How rude of me to study a person from afar in silence.

Then moving to my desk, Emma ran a finger across the surface. She checked and smiled, shaking her head. Something was fixed, and later I remembered the position and realized that it was my line up of pens. Even with her face turned to me, emerald eyes could not pinpoint the change in setting from the room where I remained. I wanted her to see me. I wanted her to see me and to come in, for us to exchange a few words. Oh how my heart would have leaped for joy if that occurred!

Nothing of that kind happened and she returned outside.

I was not a stalker. I was a secret admirer. I retrieved her cellphone number and called her twice from the payphone outside my condo in New York. The same thing was done when the L.A office was graced with my presence. Of course when the other end was answered, I ended the call. Until one time a man answered and I asked his name.

It was Neal.

Perhaps this could convince you about my suspicions?

Most likely she had a boyfriend. A woman of that age and beauty could never be single. Added to that, her manner of speaking always signaled to me that such bubbly personality could only mean one thing. She was contented with life already and there was indeed someone else. Oh how many times I dreamed of approaching her. Of exiting my office, finally sucking my courage up enough to speak to her. But the one powerful woman who could enter a room full of men without showing any weakness, she could not simply approach a young woman. A woman who had crashed into my life and bewitched me from her emerald eyes in a photograph.

It suddenly dawned upon me that a diary would be rather thrilling to begin.

Not the kind to gossip about people, filling the pages with hateful and vengeful words. But the simple act on my part to begin writing letters and small notes to the one person who I was falling deeply in love with. I began with the exact date I hired her and tapped into my historian side. The part of me that never erased a memory that left a lasting impression in my life. Hence the writing began.

Filling up the journal rather, was quite easy. Sitting within my office, even during conference calls I'd retrieve it from my locked drawer and scribble a thought or a few lines addressed to her. Very soon, Chad discovered my secret crush and behaved like a hooligan whilst allowing me to read a few lines to him about my feelings for her. The need to push me was his passion. Driven from the desire to see me happy again, to make something change in my life for the better. Very soon, it was the end of May and both of my children already knew about my attachment to a woman I had never exchanged words with.

"I mean, it's simple," Chad said, sucking on a lemon icicle directly opposite me. "Just tell her hi. Just one word with two simple letters."

Gently peeling the chocolate coating from my ice cream treat, I slipped it between my lips and chewed. "I can't."

"Mom, come on!" he stared at me.

"What?" I stared back.

"She's probably waiting for you to say something to her." The wind ruffled his hair, flipped to the side.

"We've never met."

"Exactly!"

I said nothing. The ice cream was revealed beneath the coating and I sucked on it.

"How do you expect to even go on a date with her if you don't make the first move?"

My eyes widened at that thought. I couldn't breathe. "A...date?"

"Yeah, a date. Just you and her alone, somewhere nice. Talking to each other." He obviously caught the deer in headlights look upon my face and found it rather funny. Chad laughed. "So you don't intend to make the first move then."

"No," my voice came out rather small.

"I wish I could lend you my courage." He bit into his lemon stick and chewed. "If I find a guy attractive, I don't hesitate. I approach him."

"That's because you have a...gay-reader. I don't." I pouted.

He laughed. "A gaydar, you mean. And yeah, I do have one. You do too. But you don't use it and when you don't use something then it needs to be fine-tuned."

My eyes were distant. "Do you honestly believe that maybe she could be...gay?" I wondered. "Because there was this connection, when I first saw her. And the feeling has only been growing stronger. I've tried to erase it but everything still remains. There must be a reason."

"Yep. Hmmm."

I watched him tap away on his phone and scowled. "No texting, no social networking, remember?"

"No, I know," he smiled at me. "I know the rules when we're together. You like no distractions between us. But I'm just wondering if she's on Facebook."

"Why?" I stared at him in mild shock. "Are you thinking about sending her a message? Please don't do that."

"It's not like that," Chad reassured me, "come on, and relax. Maybe I can check through her pictures and see if she's with someone or not."

"But she'll be made aware of your intrusion," I searched his face. "Of you sifting through her photos, wouldn't she?"

"No, mom. Trust me." He tapped away and finally his eyebrows were lifted. "Well, well, well."

"What?" I stopped breathing and leaned forward, trying to capture a look onto his screen. "What is it?"

"She's gorgeous, mom. Wow. Look." The phone's face was turned to me and my breath was snatched away from me.

Her emerald eyes were softened. Wearing a red long sleeved dress that hugged her figure, and stopped just above her knees, Emma was smiling into the camera. Blonde hair tumbled over her shoulders and I couldn't believe how beautiful she was.

"Taken..." he turned the phone to check, "two weeks ago." Chad smiled. His spying continued before me. Then his laughter startled me. I gazed upon him with worried eyes. "Oh, yeah. She's totally gay. Not that how someone dresses makes them gay but there's something really different about her."

"What are you seeing?" I asked, trying to reach across the table to take his phone.

He handed it to me, smiling. "Check out her outfit and who she's hanging with and where she is."

I gazed at her attire, a loose fitting red shirt and faded blue jeans. A pair of black boots and her blonde hair was disheveled. With their arms through around her, three men were smiling into the camera. And behind them a black banner announced The Annual Biker's Fest.

"Most gay girls go to those events," Chad informed me. "Straight ones go too but with their boyfriend. But she's with three dudes and she looks like one of the dudes."

"One of them could be her boyfriend," I frowned, remembering the man by the name of Neal who answered her cellphone before.

"I know two of them and they're not her boyfriends," he confessed.

I stared at him. "You know her friends?"

"Mom, you're so in love, it's too cute!"

"Shut up," I scowled, balling my tissue up and tossing it at him.

"Yeah, I know her friends," he smiled at me. "The third guy is a mutual friend too but we don't talk much. There's Killian and Will. And then the third one's...Neal."

My heart almost stepped off of the line. "Neal?"

He frowned at me. "Yeah, what's up?"

I related to him about the phone call and I was teased further. But Chad reassured me that Neal wasn't seeing anyone at that moment. Killian had a girlfriend and Will did too. Rather satisfied for the moment, I sighed and breathed again. Somehow I didn't trust his belief in this Neal person.

Xxx

It was Chad who pushed me to make a move on Emma that evening when we first met.

Sitting in the plane, I was completely exhausted after signing and reviewing papers all day. My patience had been rubbed thin. Robin couldn't stop smirking in my direction whilst I suffered from an overdrive of emotions. None of those feelings were attached to him, but apparently he believed otherwise. Throughout the meeting with our attorneys, I thought about her. I remembered Chad often said to me, if you wish to get over something quite easily then find someone else to focus on. And that was exactly the story unfolding.

Robin glared at me as he signed the documents and I sat there drowning in her emerald eyes, embedded in my mind forever. I pushed myself to imagine what her touch must feel like. To wonder what it would be like to taste her lips for the first time. To kiss another woman. Because I had awaited such a thing for so long. This glorious moment was here. Freedom. And I needed to take a step out of my shell and do something about this.

I signed my share of papers and didn't even linger in the room afterwards. Collecting my handbag, my attorney, Walt Keaton, a childhood friend escorted me out silently. Robin stared after my exit and didn't say a word.

From the moment I slipped into my seat inside the plane, my neighbor introduced himself. As soon as we shook hands, my gaydar fine-tuned itself and he was read as clear as the evening sky.

"Freedom!" Chad sang into the phone when I answered, my eyes flicking around to make sure no one could see me taking the call. "Mom is free as a bird! Ready to stretch her colorful wings and fly!"

"Control yourself, you twat," I scowled. "Where are you?"

"Freedom!" he chimed again. "It's okay to be gay, buy a pack of skittles. I'm in L.A."

"I'm heading to New York," I said to him as my neighbor, Ethan slipped on a pair of headphones.

"So you're finally going to call her up and meet her then."

"I...no," my chest grew cold.

"Mom! Come on! Get in the game and make your fellow gay and lesbian players proud!" a packet crackled in the background and I knew he was munching on candy. I knew it.

"Are you eating sweets again?"

"No."

"Chad, close the packet and put it away," I ordered, my maternal mode kicking in. "Enough sweets."

"You've got to call her," he pressured me. "And I've got the perfect plan. Do you want to hear it?"

"I don't have a choice, do I?" The air hostess, a tall blonde woman peeped through the green curtains and smiled at us. I lowered myself and hid from her prying eyes.

"Okay, here's what you'll do..."

"If I agree..."

"You will agree and you will do it or else I'll do it. And it doesn't matter who makes the call because the result will be the same."

I stared at the back of the chair in front of me and held my breath. "What are you going to do?"

"Call the office in New York, call her extension and see if she's in. If she's in," he began describing this wonderful plan to me. "Then tell her that your driver, Andrew is late. He's not there at the airport and you've been waiting for an hour."

"Why on earth -"

"Ask her for his number. To keep the conversation going. Then say that you're not getting onto his cell. After that, she'll do one of two things. She'll suggest that she call another car. Or if my estimations are fair enough, Emma will agree to come pick you up herself."

My lungs squeezed tighter. "What?"

"It's the best plan, mom. If she doesn't suggest it, then at least you got a chance to speak to her. You can call back later if she sends a car and thank her. You can even suggest that she pick you up or something."

"Chad -"

"Do something about it, mom. Do you hear me?" he pressed on. "Be brave, suck it up and do this for you. You've been doing stuff for other people all the time. Now it's time to do this for you."

"And what if you're giving me false hope and all of this crumbles when there is no going forward?" my voice was small. I was literally curling up into my seat.

"Then if she backs out on you, we proceed to plan B," he announced proudly.

"Plan...B?" I swallowed.

"If she has a boyfriend which I doubt, I'll spread rumors about him being gay and she'll dump him."

"Chad!" I hissed. "Don't you dare!"

"If she's single and she's straight, then I need to fix my gaydar. Because she's not straight. Mark my words. She's either bi or completely gay. She's most likely in the closet and waiting for her Queen to throw open the doors. This is it, mom."

"I can't do this," I whined. "You can't make me do this."

"Then I'll make the call and set it up."

"No!"

"Then do it!"

"I can't do it!" I was clutching the mobile so tightly, my arm began to cramp.

A couple from across the aisle turned to glare at me and I realized that very soon, my warning would come.

"Are you going to do it?" he asked, "are you? Are you?"

"Chad, what if she's straight and I am about to make a fool of myself?" I whispered, feeling my heart ache.

"She's not straight, mom. Trust me on this, will you?" he pleaded. "Go with the flow. Look, above everything else, I'd never force you to do this if I wasn't sure, okay? I know things. I get vibes. I know people. So make the call and set it up. If she doesn't suggest picking you up herself then you can ask her. You're her boss. Use your power and do it. You've got power. You're superwoman."

"No, I'm not," I croaked, finding it hard to breath. My heart had begun to race. "I'm not superwoman. I'm just a CEO with a shitty life, a wonderful gay son and a sophisticated daughter. The replica of me."

"Kay would push this too. She'd love this plan. So do it. Please mom. Suck it up and do it. Push yourself. I know this is worth it. I can feel it."

"And your gut feelings are never wrong," I chanted before he could state that. "Right." Pinching my nose, eyes squeezed shut, I inhaled deeply. "Okay. I'll do it."

"Way to go, mom!" I could literally imagine him punching the air with a fist and rolled my eyes. "Call me as soon as you're done, okay?"

"Okay." I couldn't breathe.

After he disconnected, the plane landed. Even retrieving my luggage was a struggle. My hands wouldn't stop shaking. I had packed light of course. Everything I needed was already in my condo in New York. So wheeling my bag, my head grew dizzy. Clutching the mobile, I sought out the exit and went towards it. I was shaking like a leaf and couldn't believe it.

Me. The powerful CEO everyone around the world considered as a brave woman who never showed weakness. I was nervous as hell because of one woman.

Taking out my phone, I rested my back onto the wall, standing outside the terminal. My hand began to sweat as I dialed the office line. I was about to end the call when it was picked up. I couldn't breathe when she answered.

"Hello, you're on to the Dazzle Fashion Magazine's Head Office. Emma speaking, how may I help you?"

It was her. It was Emma Swan. My head was spinning. "Regina speaking…" I didn't know how the hell to continue.

"Hello, Miss Mills", she said. "How can I help you?"

"I have a dilemma." My eyes were squeezed shut. "Retrieve a number for me. Andrew Hastings."

"Andrew Hastings", and she sounded rather nervous. Her voice. Dear, God. Her voice was beyond intoxicating. I studied nothing in particular and waited. "Um, the number is…" she gave it to me and I didn't even make an attempt to collect it. "The person also has a mobile."

"Well obviously I'll need that as well." I bit my lips.

She gave me that as well. Andrew was probably already parked outside.

"You sound nervous, Emma", I said, trying as hard as I could to sound rather composed. But deep down inside, my entire chest was fluttering.

"I…well…"

"Don't be…" I sniffed, tears clouding my eyes when the actuality of it all sank in.

"I'm trying not to", she laughed slightly.

Remaining silent, I listened to her breathing and treasured the sound of that laugh. Hanging my head, I smiled and bit my lips.

"Alright, I'm trying his cell but the fool's not picking up", I lied. "I'll see you tomorrow, Emma."

"Are you…" she suddenly sounded rather nervous indeed, "are you coming in tomorrow?"

"Yes", I swallowed, holding my breath. "I'm at the airport. Andrew is my driver and he's…well…" I sighed. "He's not here. I've been waiting for five minutes."

Fabricating a story just to prolong a conversation. My son was such a grand influence on me. It was unnerving, really.

"Do you want me to come pick you up?" I couldn't believe it. I couldn't register her words at first. "Maybe he's caught up in rush hour traffic somewhere."

"It's okay, dear", I said calmly, "I wouldn't want to intrude. I'll wait." Let me rephrase that. I tried with every ounce of my being to say that calmly. I was shaking inside.

"No, it's okay. I can come get you."

Silence again. This was actually happening. Oh Chad, you are a gift to me.

"Fine, fuck Andrew. Drive safely but quickly because I hate waiting and…" I smiled and my chest heaved. "Be careful."

"If anyone tries to attack, take off your shoe and beat them with it", she said quickly.

"I'm wearing boots…" I was smiling so widely, anyone watching would believe me to be an ass.

"Leaving now."

"Okay." And she ended the call.

Standing there, I felt my entire world turn over. Colors were sharper. Sounds fine tuned. My fingers were as cold as ice and I couldn't fee the tip of my toes within my boots. My hands were so sweaty, I couldn't grip the handle attached to my bag firmly.

Calling Andrew, I simply said that someone would be picking me up and he could drive along. He was paid for his services handsomely as always and never minded the switch in plans.

When the yellow car pulled up in front of the terminal and her blonde hair caught my eyes, I couldn't believe it. There she was. Emma Swan. Getting out the car, and coming towards me. Of course when she passed me, and we smiled at each other, I completely melted inside. It's because that moment was felt between us. Latching myself onto her eyes and holding on to something much more within them. An attachment that lasted a few seconds and remained there.

She came back and moved by me. I cleared my throat and gathered composure. "Emma?"

Turning around slowly, our eyes met and for the first time ever, we gazed at each other knowingly. "I'm Emma."

And that was the beginning of my story. The moment I met her for the first time, after many weeks of falling deeper and deeper in love with a stranger.


	11. My Supervisor Has A Crush On Her

**Excerpt:**

" ** _Don't feel like," I said and began to aimlessly fix things. My necklaces were taken up and returned to the red jewel box mom had given me years ago._**

" ** _What do you want me to do then?" her voice was so hoarse, she pained my heart. "Do you want me remove myself from your apartment or do you want me to stay?"_**

**_Her words were so blunt, I was shocked._ **

* * *

The first week working at Flames was nerve-wrecking.

Somehow I couldn't figure out how to use the fax machine even though the guy from my department had shown me like two times. Added to that, the spreadsheets they gave me to work on were quite complex to fix up. I had to sift through databases and pull out certain information. I had to make phone calls and follow up on customers' subscriptions. Most of them were not friendly, and some didn't want to stop talking. So it was a bundle of confusion.

Plus there was me trying to get used to people's faces, names and job titles.

Flames was more sophisticated than Dazzle. Glamorous and glittery. There was no dress code, a whole bunch of shifts to work, and it was like working for a party company. Every single day there was drama either between employees or customers coming in. Someone was always gossiping and the amount of relationships I heard of within the company was hilarious.

I remembered asking my supervisor, a guy name Larry, if a book of rules and guidelines existed. He handed a pamphlet to me with a jewel studded cover and smiled.

After reading through it, I came to one conclusion: rules and guidelines did exist but people weren't following any. Not only that, with a CEO like Mally, I honestly believed that her carefree spirit was the root of the chaos. She literally breezed through the hallways wearing mink coats and furry scarves. Peals of laughter would be heard after she exited one department and moved onto the next. The place had an abundance of green and orange that initially affected my eyes but after two weeks, the flames upon the front foyer wasn't an eyesore anymore.

Regina was appointed Vice President of the New York, Las Vegas, California, and Miami branches. She was also the Acting CEO in Mally's absence and was responsible for keeping the international branches in line. To my understanding, she was more qualified than Mally, and no one took a liking to her from the beginning. It was expected of course, to sit there like a speck of dirt in my own cubicle and listen to them gossip about the tiger in the new office. When called in for something, they'd send these looks around and pat each other on the back saying things like 'don't worry, it'll be alright'.

At first I was treated like a nobody. Of no importance and everyone spoke to me as if I was a baby. Oh you have to do this before you do that. You can't do this without consulting this person. You can't authorize things. You can't transfer calls. I wasn't given a code to make external calls. I had to sit with random guys in the Marketing department to watch them work. Which was awesome because all they did was talk about the most ridiculous things whilst working.

Somehow I didn't know how to break it to them that I was gay. It really didn't matter to me at that point because I was already committed and little did everyone know, my girlfriend was their boss. However, one day whilst we were talking about television shows, it just happened. Peter said something about Ellen DeGeneres and asked if I had a girlfriend or boyfriend. I don't know how he was that open minded but all the other guys turned to me.

Shrugging it off, I simply smiled and said, "a girlfriend."

Immediately I became the favorite in my department. The guys literally bonded with me and spoke about the girls they had crushes on as if I was one of them. When asked what my girlfriend was like and if they could meet her, I wanted to laugh. Right at that moment she happened to come in to hand Larry a file. And lowering my head, I avoided meeting eyes with her. The sound of Regina's voice was like music to my ears most days because we hardly got to see each other during work hours.

Her office was on the same floor as mine but in order for me to even catch a glimpse, I'd have to get up from my chair and look through the glass windows just by the door. In order to pinpoint our distance from each other, I'd describe it as my department on the east, hers on the west with about twenty feet of green carpet between the doors. There were no shutters to gaze inside at her working, and the entire wall was sealed shut. She communicated with her Persona Assistant 'Babs' via Skype and the phone.

Barbara was a loving sixty five year old with short, graying hair and kind brown eyes. There was always a smile on her round face, reminding me of my mother at once. She appeared to be the granny for the younger staff, scolding the guys who worked with me whenever they'd come with their shirts creased or out of their pants. Ties were a must according to her. They had to comb their hair and polish their shoes. Peter was the favorite. Apparently he appeared to be the youngest in the company, just eighteen and smart as hell. And most times Babs would bring sandwiches for him and they'd sit and eat them together.

She took a liking to me after just one day all because I dressed properly and carried myself like a respectable young lady. And after receiving a good word from Regina, Babs proceeded to treat me like her daughter.

I guess the only person who angered me in the building was Gloria Gasper. She was a huge woman with huge breasts and huge hips. Her voice was really loud most times and let's not even begin to talk about that laugh. Honestly, if I could find a freaking way to turn down her loud mouth, I would because she was annoying. I mean, the woman was aware of how her laughter and vulgar displays affected everyone. But she still couldn't put a lid on it. Plus her open flirtatious attempts on my supervisor was annoying. Everything about her was annoying.

You see, just as it is right now where you're first introduced to him, Larry comes across as a lovely guy. Tall and lanky, his chocolate brown hair was soft and choppy so that when he leaned over, strands would fall into brown eyes. In addition to that, he was forty six and single. Word around claimed that after being with a woman for ten years, they had plans to get married and then she died. So he couldn't move on with someone else. I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel sorry for him and what not. I'm not claiming that he should be colored as bad person immediately.

But after one week working for Flames, I realized that my supervisor was flirting with no other than Regina Mills.

To be honest, what bothered me was the fact that she never mentioned him before. Nothing came up. More than a month she had been working there. We were into August and still I didn't know he existed until I was introduced on my orientation morning. I mean, she could have brought it up as a joke that he was flirting. Because it wasn't as simple as that. It wasn't like a guy saying hi and then smiling and leaving.

Larry was actually making attempts to flirt.

I was sitting right there at my cubicle, the walls covered in green carpet and facing him directly when she came in the first week. After handing him a folder with data, Regina was told that she looked beautiful, that she was radiating and how he had never seen such a distinct shade of brown eyes. Babs had the same color eyes! Like, come on! I sat there and muted the conversation going on around me. Watching him incline his head closer to her was tolerable. That was until he reached up and captured a few strands of her hair between his fingers and felt them.

HELL NO.

A stare turned into a glare.

I choked him in my mind, invisible hands reaching around that scrawny neck.

As if sensing that something was being done to break a line of conduct, she straightened up. Then clearing her throat, Regina tucked dark hair behind her right ear. Just as I was enacting a full glare, choking Larry with all my might, she lifted her eyes and looked at me. I was caught in the act of lethally murdering my supervisor, mentally of course. And when I noted her looking, my head was lowered immediately.

That night, as it was the same for many nights, she got home and didn't call me until she was tucked under the covers. We still didn't sleep over often, still having separate apartments. It was never discussed for me to move in or whatever. So I just worked along with the flow. Until those nights began to really affect me.

You can just imagine how I felt getting home from work and waiting for her call. I watched telly, tried to cook, read, cleaned. And by the time she called me, Regina was always in bed.

Ten minutes into the conversation, she fell asleep.

That's what happened that night. I was just about to joke about Larry and then there was dead silence. Her words trailed off. I kept calling her name for like a minute and then after remaining on idle for quite a while, the mobile disconnected.

I mean, how do you expect me to feel about that? For more than a month it happened. Ever since she started to work for Flames. And bringing it up was kind of bothersome for me. Most times because of her busy schedule, Regina was cranky. Like really cranky. To a point where she stopped talking and just listened to me go on and on, dominating the conversation. I really felt annoying after some time and decided to end it. But that's how things became.

Her rule was to shut down herself instead of bitching about stuff. Because in those bad moods, something could be said, something bad and she claimed that I was loved too much to even risk it.

"Get in," I said to her one Saturday night.

It was a rainy one and my random decision was to pick her up in my yellow bug. After showing slight surprise from me parked outside, Regina pulled her black umbrella close and climbed in neatly.

"You've been working twelve hours a day, seven days a week," I turned on the engine.

"Yes, I know that."

Brown eyes remained focused forward and mine were fixed upon her. As usual, she looked really tired and frustrated. Wearing a navy blue chiffon blouse, black leather jacket and a pair of black tailored pants, not one article of clothing was creased.

"Let's go out somewhere," I suggested.

Regina sighed. Clutching her black leather handbag, she appeared to be contemplating it.

I waited, studying her face and bit my lips.

"I'm really tired." She toed the wet umbrella with her right shoe.

"I know," it didn't slip past me. "I was thinking about just taking a drive and on the way we grab something to eat. And then I'd find somewhere to park near the Hudson. And we'd sit there and talk."

Something was wrong.

The way she avoided making eye contact with me was the first sign. The second was her stiff posture, and that sigh. Toeing the umbrella, twisting the strap of her handbag over and over again. I wanted to hug her. I really did. But it's like having no idea how she'd respond for the first few seconds. Maybe it would be a bad move. So there I sat and waited. I waited for eternity for an answer until the rain came down like a sprinkle upon the windows.

"What's up?" I tried to sound really calm about everything.

Her chest heaved and my heart was beginning to gallop, every beat I felt and it was tremendous. "I'm just...tired."

"And..." leaning forward, my hair touched the steering wheel clad in red leather, just to always have part of her in the car. A touch of red. "Bad day?"

"No it's..." she began shaking her head and then stared forward, "...just drive."

"You sure?"

"Yes." I received a nod. So putting the car into drive, I swung out into traffic and we went ahead in silence.

The seconds dragged by on my end.

Suddenly I was reminded of the first time we met. When she sat there and her mind couldn't be read at all. But there was more talking back then. Now, all I could hear was her breathing, steady and low. The flexing of her fingers, how she sat with her thighs squeezed together, ankles crossed. You see, keeping my eyes on the traffic was a must. However, all the time I was just completely aware that something was wrong. And I wanted to fix it. And I wanted to fix it immediately.

Knowing that she'd want something vegan, I swung by Subs and Salads and went down the drive through. Somehow it would appear weird to state that it was spelled 'Drive Thru' so I'll leave it at that. Here we go, I'm rambling off again. I'll try not to stray away from the topic, promise.

So I ordered a chicken burger with everything, and her usual vegetable salad with dressing and diced chicken. There was no protest on her part, so most likely it was okay. She usually liked a banana shake or strawberry milk. I asked for the former and chose a can of Pepsi for me. Note that all through this, not a word was said to me. There she sat staring ahead as if I wasn't even in the car. Basically that was my sign that I had done something wrong because most times when someone did her wrong, Regina would tell me about it without hesitating.

I collected the orders and drove out with the bag in my lap. Handing her the shake, she took it and mouthed thanks. But in a very small voice. The sound of how low her tone was really cracked my heart. At that point I remembered thinking, oh crap, this is it Emma. You've fucked up and you can't even remember. Like every single thing I did that day played back in my head.

It was the first time we were seeing and talking to each other since Friday morning.

That had to be it.

Friday night, she didn't call me. I fell asleep whilst watching Three's Company and didn't wake up till this morning. I tried calling her and the message was on to alert everyone that she was in a meeting and couldn't answer. I texted her that day, just saying that I loved her. And she sent back a heart. Thinking about it now, Regina never sent a text without saying something to me. The thing is, I received the reply when the guys were busy explaining a sheet to me about sales and forecasts. So naturally, I noted the reply and locked my phone because answering in front of them would have sparked attention.

"Any place in particular you want to go?" I kept my eyes on the road. My throat ached so much.

Biting her lips, she shrugged.

So I found this spot where me and the guys used to hang, kind of like a pavilion where teenagers often came to light bonfires. Other times, people just parked up and hung out, throwing open the back of their cars and taking a few drinks. Just three vehicles were there when I parked, and a few people were up ahead sitting upon the rocks near the river. The sound of Kesha's 'Tik Tok' filled the air from a sports bar across the road. I rolled down my window and the cool wind whipped in.

"Have you eaten for the day?" I pawed around in the bag to retrieve her salad case. "I hope you have."

"Yes," she croaked.

Taking my time to hand it over to her, up to that point, Regina hadn't taken even two seconds to look at me. Our fingers brushed whilst handing over the plastic fork wrapped in tissue and lingered close. Eyelashes fluttered. I watched her closely and saw how damp those brown eyes were and I couldn't take it any longer.

"Babe," my right hand held onto her left and I squeezed her fingers, "what happened? What did I do?"

She shook her head, eyes lowered.

"It's about Friday night, isn't it?" The wind came in and fluttered black hair. "I was so tired after focusing on spreadsheets all day. Plus the guys took me to lunch. And by the time I got home, I watched some telly and fell asleep." My throat was aching so much more now. "I'm sorry that I didn't call you, okay? I really am. Plus this morning when I tried calling, you had on that alert."

"It's not that," she whispered, blinking fast. Her chest heaved.

"Another nightmare then?"

"No."

"Bad day at work?"

"No."

"Robin?"

Regina shook her head and clutched the banana shake between her fingers.

"Is it about us?" It pained me to say it but I did. "Please don't say it's about us because I'm prepared to do anything to fix whatever it is and -"

"It's my father," she said, cutting me off. The shake was rested on the dash and I studied her face. Regina's lips quivered. "He suffered from a heart attack last evening and...died just after five today."

You could imagine how huge my eyes were in that moment. I was literally frozen and so cold. My entire insides had shut down.

"Oh no," my eyes stung, "Regina, I'm so sorry."

"And the worst part of it was that..." she began to cry, "I told him this morning about having us visit him soon. Just you and me because...he wanted to see you...so much. He wanted to...meet you. And he called me this afternoon and said that I'll have a really nice wedding, he's leaving the ranch in my name. And to tell you that he loves you."

Tears clouded my eyes. I blinked through them and stared at her.

"The one parent I had that genuinely cared about me," her voice was so hoarse, "he's...gone."

Taking the shake and resting everything on the dash, I reached across the small space and wrapped my arms around her. She immediately buried her face into my right shoulder and sobbed. It was too sudden. All too much to handle. Running my fingers through her hair, I could feel how pained she was. Devastated and heartbroken. Even I was. Can you just imagine hearing something like that? Chad often spoke so highly of his grandfather and always wanted me to meet him. And now this.

"I don't know what to do, Emma," she shook in my arms. Pulling her closer, I rested our cheeks together and tears trailed down my face. "What have I done to deserve...constant...loss and...Abandonment?"

"You've done nothing," I reassured her. "Nothing at all. It's not your fault. Nothing that happened is your fault."

"But it is," she insisted, her voice so weak. Wrapping her arms around my shoulders, our foreheads were pressed together. "My marriage, the job I had for over twenty years, my...baby. What's next? You?"

"Hey," capturing her face between my palms, I stared into brown eyes that were wet from tears. "Don't think it. Stop that thought immediately. Focus on your dad and how many good memories you had with him. How he loved you, okay? Because to yourself you know that he's never going to leave you. Ever. He's always going to be around."

"He's...gone," she said in a small voice.

"No one is ever completely gone. My mother always told me from since I was a kid that once there are memories, no one is ever gone. You can't forget. You can only learn to live through it. I bet that right now, he's at peace. Do you think he is?"

I watched her think about it, and a small nod was given.

"Cry all you want," I said to her softly, "but don't do that alone. Let me be here with you because I don't want you to hurt alone."

She managed to sip her shake slowly. Her appetite had run away since last evening. The main fact that her mother and sister had flown to Texas immediately, that made matters worse. Because Regina didn't want to see them. She didn't want to see two people who had recently become strangers. Cora had cut her out of the will. Zelena had filed a restraining order. So there was no way of reconciling even during this time. What was happening was painful before my eyes. There she sat in silence, obviously thinking about her father and his funeral and Texas and the ranch.

"They can't take it away from you," I said to her, somehow reading the thoughts between us. "The ranch. They can't take it away from you. Once he's written it into the will. It's yours."

"Yes but can I return there ever again?" her fork poked around the salad.

"I'll go with you." She sent me a small smile and exhaled. "If you want to go to the funeral, I'll go with you too. And trust me, no one is going to say a bad word to you. I'll even get the guys to be your bodyguards if you want."

With the shake of her head, Regina reached over and caressed my cheek with cupped fingers. "No need. Once you're with me, I'm never intimidated or afraid of anyone. Besides, my father would want you there."

"Just imagine though," I couldn't believe it, "your mother's suddenly showing her face in Texas even after disowning your dad."

"And Zelena," she informed me, "she never liked him to begin with. His old fashioned ways were too annoying to her whilst I was the only one to savor his relaxing habitat in the countryside. You'd love his ranch," her eyes were focused on me now. "The horses. The races. His land stretching for miles."

"I bet he was an amazing dad," I smiled, trying to get her to remember all the good memories and to keep smiling.

"He really was. He always said that when he was sure of me finding the true meaning of happiness in life, then he'd be contented enough to move on."

"Well you got a new job, you came out," I took her hand and squeezed it, "you're stepping over the haters and moving on."

"I've found my soul mate," she said hoarsely, "which is the primary reason he was contented. He was so sure of it, even without meeting you first. My father immediately smiled and wished me the best. He's never done that with Robin. And no one else. That was the first time I received his blessing in regards to someone."

Finishing off my burger, I balled the paper up and tossed it into the plastic bag. She handed me her salad and I took it with one aim in mind. Poking the fork into a piece of broccoli, I dipped it into the dressing and fed her. She welcomed the gesture with a small smile and pulled me close. Nuzzling our noses together, Regina chewed and played with my hair. I always loved when she did that. Running her fingers through and massaging my scalp slowly. It felt so good.

Slowly, the worry began to fade away and the bowl was emptied. Locking the doors, I turned on the radio and found a channel that was playing some easy 70's music. Leaning back in her chair, she entwined our fingers and remained silent. That was all I needed. For her to be there, unlike so many nights when I couldn't even get to kiss her.

That reminded me of something. We hadn't even kissed in over a week. But things like that didn't bother me when it should have. Sometimes you're not focusing on something as major as that. And oftentimes we look back and wonder if things would have been different had I made the effort at least.

That night, she stayed over at my place and the rain came down harder than before. Lightening sliced the sky, wind squeezed in through cracks. We cuddled beneath thick blankets, wrapped in each other's arms. She had on one of my t-shirts; a yellow one the guys had gotten for me from the Biker's Fest last year and it reached just below her butt. So you can imagine how cute she looked in it with her hair down and no makeup after taking a hot shower.

Without holding back or waiting, both of us moved in for a kiss. It was one that lasted long and unearthed moans from us. Our toes curled together, legs entwined as the rain lashed upon the windows and thunder rolled above. I can honestly say that it was the best thunderstorm ever. Because when you're wrapped in someone's arms, with your lips grazing together ever so often, tasting so much and feeling her warm breath upon you, how in the world could you not enjoy it? Pushing my blonde hair back, Regina kissed me until I was breathless.

Climbing on top, her body moved whilst rubbing our cheeks together and I held her close whilst the rain soothed my mind. Whilst she pressed kisses along my jawline and down my neck. Eventually her body went limp after falling asleep. Face buried into my neck, she slept like a baby that night and still managed to wake up before me the following morning.

When I stretched at a quarter past ten, the sound of cutlery hitting a plate outside startled me. Rolling over, she wasn't there. So I got up and lazily went out to find that she had already cooked up something that smelled delicious and was sitting on the chair watching Oprah's 'Super Soul Sunday' segment.

"Joyce Meyer," she said to me when I sat down and wrapped my arms around her, eyes closing still. "Have you ever listened to her preach?"

"Couple of times," I mumbled into her left shoulder, smelling apples and watermelon detergent and my strawberry body wash. "She's really inspiring."

"She is." I heard the plate meet the small table next to the chair and she pulled me closer. "Are you religiously inclined, Emma?"

"I love nature," I admitted, "I love the way nature was created, I love you, and you were created obviously by angels. So even though my faith in God slightly diminished over the years, I have to thank Him more than ever for finding you."

"Likewise," she pressed a kiss onto the top of my head. "Daddy was religious. A Catholic. I oftentimes went to church. I occasionally do."

I listened to the way her voice sounded through her chest and sighed.

"Do you believe that God disapproves of the way we feel about each other?"

I thought about my mother and smiled. "Nope. My mom had a way of putting it that would wipe away any doubts. I'll let her explain to you when we see her again. Which reminds me," sitting up, I locked eyes with her. "Whenever you get time, let's go to a church service. That's if you're up to it."

"I'd love that," she smiled wryly and caressed my cheek. "At some point in my life, I must have faith in something greater. Something that as you said, brought you to me."

"But when we do get married, we can't even use a proper church."

"I always used to picture a garden wedding anyway, or one by the riverside," she studied my face. "Chad knows of a friend that has a chapel in Los Angeles that officiates marriages of the same sex. The view is grand and it's quite cozy."

"Just thinking about marrying you is probably the best thing in the world," I said to her.

"Marriage at my age," she sighed.

I frowned. "It's not so bad. It's not about age. People get married at any age. Plus couples renew their vows all the time."

"It's just that I wished things could have been a little more convenient," she confessed to me, stroking my hair. "Nothing about age. But maybe if the gap was smaller. Then we could have met sooner and had a longer stretch of time to spend with each other."

"You're talking as if we're going to die tomorrow," I looked up at her.

"No what I mean is earlier years. I'm not as agile as I used to be. Yes, the gym is frequented when I feel like but these days, my back aches and I get fatigued easily."

"Have you ever considered how hard you work?" I gazed up at her. "Putting twelve hours every day into work is more than enough. Plus you're very agile and you know it. Just thinking about you in bed should be convincing enough."

Regina laughed. "I suppose so."

"The way you twist me around and then there's that bad ass biker inside of you. Forget about even questioning your agility. You're powerful, strong and young as ever."

Oprah studied Joyce Meyer's face with a quizzical look, and the leaves within the trees rustled around them. They were sitting upon two green chairs, in the middle of a garden.

"I wish that I could go there right now," I said to her softly.

She stroked my hair. "My father's ranch is as beautiful as that. Lots of trees. How about we…" I smiled like a spoilt child when her fingers tickled my right ear, "how about we take a week off and head out there as soon as my father's funeral has passed and I clarify the will?"

"Hell yeah," I buried my face into her lap and remained face down. "Maren't mou moing mo ma muneral?"

"What is that, my little yellow kitten?"

I lifted my head, already intoxicated by her scent. "Rawr."

"Oh?" she raised an eyebrow at me and blinked. "Must we have this conversation right now?"

"I want cuddles," and taking up her finger, her thumb was chewed.

"You are too cute, my love," she said hoarsely. There was still a darkness in those brown eyes that signaled sadness over losing her father though. But she was really trying to focus on being slightly happy.

I wanted to ask her how yesterday really went but was scared of scratching at wounds. Most obviously Regina took the hard way out and suffered through endless meetings without shedding a tear. Until later that evening when the sadness couldn't be held back. Knowing that it wouldn't be over though, I was prepared to brace myself for more distress. Whenever it would be shown.

"So Larry," I turned to lie on my back, head still in her lap, "he's a great Supervisor. Really cool. I heard he got his Masters just last year."

"Very nice man," she agreed, eyes focused on the telly.

"You two go way back?"

"Just Flames."

I was looking at her face. She wasn't looking at me.

"He really likes you. There are these little hearts that appear in his eyes every time he sees you." She smiled. "I think he has a crush on you. No, I don't think. I know."

"Poor soul," Regina said softly, "he's the wrong gender. A waste of time and effort."

"But you've dated guys before."

"I have."

"I haven't."

Her eyes were lowered to meet mine. "Emma, dear, what is this about? Quite the sore subject, isn't it?"

I stared up and remained silent. She continued watching television and my mind just went on fast forward. Like what if there was more to this? What if she was hiding something and I didn't know about it? But she'd never do that. Never. She'd never hide anything from me.

"I saw him flirting with you," I said with a smile, knees kinked as I toed the cushion on the chair.

"One can flirt," her brown eyes remained on the show, "but it takes two to tango. Now shush, no more talk on that matter."

"But he was –"

Her fingers neatly pressed upon my lips. She let out a sigh and blinked. "Hush now, my darling. Be still and quiet. For no worry should bother your mind. My heart is only entwined with thee."

"Aww," I couldn't help it. My heart curled up after her words. And it was all about the way she said it. In that husky voice with a slight tremor.

The subject was dropped eventually. The show was focused on and during a commercial break, she got up to fetch me a plate of broccoli, corn, rice and chicken strips with a tomato stew. From the first mouthful, I fell in love and ate the entire plate. Then after doing so and washing up the wares, I got her a can of Diet Coke and for me, the usual Pepsi.

Regina was all too fussy about sugars and cholesterol. She always had this notion in her head that her body was getting out of shape. When it was the complete opposite to me. She had everything in the right proportion, was soft to the touch in every place and there was nothing wrong about her body mass. Nothing at all. As for me, I was slender and my collar bones slightly showed out. My boobs were smaller whilst she filled a 36C. I barely filled up a 34 on good days.

Flat chest Emma.

I remember when the girls in high school used to taunt me. Over and over again, they always asked me if I left my boobs home. The three Stooges though. Now they couldn't care less. As Killian often said, once the personality fitted in order, then she could have a chest as flat as his. Thinking about it now, maybe that sounded a little too gay. Or possibly overly considerate of him.

Her cellphone rang and she picked it up from the table. After checking the ID, Regina pushed it aside and ignored the call.

"Who's that? Robin?" I frowned.

"No. Someone else."

I waited and she changed the television channel aimlessly, avoiding my eyes. After some time, I turned to the screen and watched Supernatural with her. Dean and Sam were investigating the Bloody Mary racket in a small town. To be honest, I never really watched all the seasons throughout, but managed to catch them on TNT.

Maybe my sudden silence worried her because the phone was picked up once more, she tapped away on the screen and then it was handed to me. After checking the display, when I saw the name, my heart did a flip flop.

"Told ya," I said, as she played with my hair, "he's into you."

"He asked me out for lunch."

I stared back. "And?"

"I said…that I have other plans. I'm spending the day with a friend."

"You could have told him that you have a girlfriend," I suggested. "Everyone knows you're gay."

"Men get a turn on from such revelations."

"Just tell him that you have someone already," I pressed on.

"Emma, it's just lunch. He didn't invite me on a date. It's a simple Barbeque he's holding among friends."

"Then go," I said without a smile.

She studied my face and waited. Then after we locked eyes and didn't say anything else, her phone rang again. I gently turned on my side and continued watching Supernatural without a word said. It was Mal and during her call, I got up and went to grab my towel. Stepping into the shower, the hot water was chosen whilst my hair was loosened. And shaking it out, I began to lather my skin and scrubbed until steam clouded the stall.

How did I feel about that sudden confession that he had asked her to lunch and she only told me just now? Kind of conflicted because like I said, she never hid stuff from me. But recently, she hid her father's sickness and death until I forced it out of her. She hid Larry's invite. And whatever else she had buried under there, it bruised me. I had never been in a relationship and I didn't know what to expect. But I knew for certain that things like that shouldn't be kept private. The fact that I knew now didn't make me feel better. I felt as if she didn't trust me or something.

Rinsing shampoo out my hair, a shadow moved behind my yellow Hello Kitty shower curtain. I stopped and waited.

"Hi?"

Turning to the wall, I continued what I was doing. "Yeah."

"So I'm going…"

I didn't answer, expecting her to just leave without confirmation. But little did I know, Regina lingered there waiting.

"Okay?"

I turned off the water and frowned. "What?" And my voice came out a bit harsh, sharp if you'd prefer. Her shadow swayed and somehow I could tell that she was gazing at me.

"I'm going."

"Then go," I said and turned on back the water. Capturing my hair to the back, I lifted my face and allowed the water to stream down.

"Emma," I could barely hear her voice, "are you okay?"

My eyes stung and I just didn't answer her. It was my mood. Knowing I was really moody because my period was like a week away, this always happened to me. The smallest things would make me get all emotional and want to cry. I'd suddenly curl up into a ball and empty my eyes out with no valid reason, except that someone had said something to affect me.

The sound of the curtain crackling from behind me. She just wouldn't give up.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" her voice was hoarse and filled with emotion, worry.

"Just go," I said in a small voice, keeping my back to her, "have fun."

The crackle of the curtain sounded again and I continued to bathe, finding that tears stung my eyes. And for what reason? Simply because I felt really wrong about the past two days.

When I got out of the shower and stepped into the bedroom, there she was. Sitting upon the edge of the bed and staring at me with her huge brown eyes. A small pout and palms pressed upon the sheet. She was still wearing one of my faded blue jeans and a large red jersey with a smiley face on it. And I carefully avoided her and went to my wardrobe.

"Why aren't you dressed?" I wiped my face and slipped on a pair of red Hello Kitty underwear.

"Because I'm not going," her voice was stiff.

"Why?" I snatched out a red and blue plaid shirt and shrugged it on, bringing my hair to the front. A pair of black jeans went on next.

"Change of plans."

"What happened?"

"You," she croaked.

I couldn't help it. Turning to her, our eyes locked and Regina captivated me with a saddened look.

"Me?"

"Yes."

"He's your friend," I said, moving to my vanity and picking up the powder cushion. "Don't let me get in the way."

"He's not a friend in your mind at the moment, is he?" she watched me do everything without looking away. "You're conflicted. You have a right to be."

"Look," I was already growing frustrated, "just go out and have fun. You deserve it. Don't worry about me. After all, I just want to stay at home and read or something." Fixing my hair, I plugged in the hairdryer.

"Yes he has been flirting with me," she finally confessed with a nod because I could see her in the mirror in front of me. "But I have only seen him as a friend thus far. There is nothing that would suggest otherwise, as you know."

"He doesn't see you as a friend," I pointed out, blowing hot air into my hair.

She stared at me. "That doesn't make a difference."

"Yeah it does."

"No it doesn't. And for you to think otherwise is completely ludicrous. My heart, is set on you. Everything I do, or feel, it's solely attached to you. Emma, I work among men every single day," she gestured outside, eyes wide, "and nothing affects me. Even when they boldly make remarks that are out of context. For me to come home and relate every single flirtatious move to you, that would eventually become quite bothersome."

I didn't answer and continued drying my hair.

"You witnessed him flirting with me. You were aware of that already. I don't see the need to get upset over me not bringing forth the topic for discussion. Because it is ridiculous."

"I needed to at least hear you say something about it to me," I stated, with my back to her still.

"Well you found out eventually."

"That's hardly the point here," I turned to her, and stared back.

"Well, forgive me for being so considerate about your feelings."

"Just as you didn't tell me your father was sick," I pointed out. "And I had to find out by getting it out of you, by asking over and over again."

"It wasn't easy to bring up," she said hoarsely. "I didn't have time to hug you and cry from Saturday night onto Friday. Getting home, I wanted to be by myself and yesterday, I buried my anguished mind in meetings. It's my way of coping. You know this already. I don't know how to do this very well. I don't know how to express my feelings enough."

Turning the dryer onto HIGH, I continued to dry my hair and avoided her eyes. She sat there in silence and never moved. When I was done, I returned it upon the vanity and sprayed some Oil into my palms then gently massaged my scalp. After doing so, the comb was taken up and I began to untangle my blonde mess upon my head and around my shoulders.

"Do you want us to take a walk?" she suggested after like twenty minutes.

"Don't feel like," I said and began to aimlessly fix things. My necklaces were taken up and returned to the red jewel box mom had given me years ago.

"What do you want me to do then?" her voice was so hoarse, she pained my heart. "Do you want me remove myself from your apartment or do you want me to stay?"

Her words were so blunt, I was shocked. "Just go and hang with Larry because I don't want you to hold this against me for the rest of my life. At some point, you'll obviously claim that I don't want you to have friends or to hang without me." Tears clouded my eyes. "So go ahead and have fun. Like I've told you more than once before."

Taking up a pillow, I wiped my eyes, picked up a textbook Neal had lent me for fourth year Taxation. Then rummaging through my bag, I pulled out a notepad, a pen and my calculator. I walked right out the room.

What was wrong with me?

I don't know what was happening and somehow, my emotions were spiraling out of control. All of this sparked up just like that. After hearing about Larry asking her out and then being treated as if I wasn't worthy of hearing the truth. Trying to brush things off with the 'oh I'm just being considerate' line. I hated that. I really hated it because people always wanted to use that excuse with you. They always wanted to claim that it was in your best interest that the truth was hidden and I didn't like it. I wanted to know the truth. That was me.

Remembering that Killian had said coffee was a mood stabilizer or something like that, I made a cup and took it to the carpet in front of the telly. Then resting it upon the table, my books were placed before me and I checked my phone. Two new messages. A chain message from Ruby and a HAPPY SUNDAY from Neal. Shaking my head, I drew up a table and started to write in figures from a scenario in the textbook.

The patter of footsteps caught my attention and my eyes widened when she appeared. Coming towards me, Regina's face was really fixed with determination. There was no smile. Stooping, she snatched up my books and closed them. Then they were chucked onto the chair. Both my hands were taken and I was pulled up. In disbelief I stared at her because there was no idea in my mind what the heck she was doing.

I soon found out when I was dragged to the door and my brown boots were slid on. She zipped them up, tucked dark hair behind her ears and grabbed my yellow umbrella. Then tugging me out the door, I was led down the hallway.

Out on the street below, we didn't say a word to each other. There was a slight drizzle and she pushed open the umbrella. It was so sudden, you know? I was somewhat speechless. We ended up taking a slow walk up the block and turned into a café that was open. Men hid behind newspapers and the television was broadcasting a CBS special report on smuggled drugs. I followed her up to the cashier and she ordered two Mochas in tall brown cups, with cream at the top and chocolate sprinkles.

Sipping it, Regina took a hold of my shoulders and led me out and onto the street again. Very soon, still not a word was said and we ended up at Saint Teresa, a Roman Catholic church that mom frequented when she had come here to stay. It was a simple red clay brick structure. Very tall and amazing architecture. The huge cross outside was painted to perfection and the stained glass was so beautiful.

When we walked in, apparently the Sunday Mass had already ended and people had gone home. So the emptiness and silence provided such a wonderful feeling. She chose a wooden bench at the rightmost corner in the back and I slid in beside her. The few times I went there for a service, the priest met and took a liking to me. His name was Father Terry, a man with a long gray beard and very short in stature. Well shorter than me. So to glimpse him at the altar fixing something, I waved and he waved back.

"You're familiar with him?" she moved closer and our thighs pressed together. Regina sipped her Mocha and licked her lips.

"Yeah, he knows me from coming here a few times."

"That's good."

We sat in silence and I just felt at peace inside there. Like so relaxed. The silence was soothing and just staring up at the ceiling where there was a painting of Jesus was amazing.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked softly, her brown boot nudging mine. "Let me inside your head."

I shrugged. "I never told you but back home in Maine, my mom and dad grew up close to the church. We were always religiously inclined. And the priest back home adored me so he apparently made this fund where a few people pooled together money. And I was given a scholarship to come to university here."

"Really now?" she leaned in.

"Yeah, and I remembered mom telling me that when I got my first paycheck, I should give something to the church." My eyes remained on Father Terry.

"And did you?"

"I just asked Father Terry to get me a kid that couldn't afford textbooks or shoes or something to go to school from the church. And he found a six year old that lives in the projects. His name's Zachariah. He's so cute. He doesn't have parents and lives with his aunt who has five other kids. So Zach never gets anything really. And even though I had to save and pay for my apartment and textbooks and handouts and stuff, I bought him a pair of shoes and a backpack. And I helped him sign up into school. Plus, he calls me his big sister."

"Aww," Regina reached up and squeezed my shoulder, smiling at me with tears in her eyes. "Emma, that's so sweet of you."

"Yeah," I hung my head.

Taking a sip from the cup, I noticed Father Terry heading our way slowly and wondered what he'd think about my sexuality. Most obviously he'd disapprove. But my mother was religious and didn't disapprove so why should anyone else? Then again, everyone had their own opinions. But this was love, right? I loved her so much so why would God hate me? It wasn't a guilty feeling. It was a whole new happy feeling for me. One that made me feel so much better. And yeah the sex was awesome. But it's not like we focused on just that. There were so many other things in building our relationship. Like today.

We went through so many stuff. She had to work late. I was out with the guys sometimes. And yet, none of it bothered us because we learned to cope with that. Until today when basically hiding stuff from me threw us into a hurricane of feels.

But look what happened.

She didn't argue with me or accuse me of cutting into her life. Regina shut it down and brought me out. Can you understand how amazing that is? To have someone never choose to argue or shout at you but to just work so hard to find a way to make things right?

"Dearest Emma," Father Terry smiled warmly and I got up to hug him. My back was patted and I smelt his cologne, Old Spice. "How are we today?"

"Very well, thank you," I felt so warm hugging him already.

"You missed this morning's Mass." He didn't seem upset. "But you still managed to show up even afterwards. It's great to come in sometimes and spend some quiet time with God. How is your mother?"

"She's okay. She said to tell you hi."

"A cheerful woman, dedicated to her religion," he stated. His eyes turned upon Regina. "And you've brought someone, I see."

"Hi," she got up and shook his hand, "Regina Mills."

"Ah," his eyes lighted up, "the prior CEO of Dazzle and now the V.P of Flames." He winked. "I have subscriptions to both."

She laughed. "Very nice."

"I'd love to cancel from Dazzle but the darker themes in clothing seem to be my favored style. Flames is outstanding as well. Mally attends this same church on her good days."

"She's a mutual friend then," Regina smiled.

"So is our Emma," he squeezed my right shoulder. "Zach," he said softly, "came just this morning to service with his cousin Thomas. He was actually hoping to see you."

My eyes widened. "Really? Oh crap." I felt bad because I hadn't been around to see him in weeks. "The number I tried calling him at is disconnected."

"I'll get you a new one." Father Terry smiled. "The little boy is very happy every time your name is mentioned. I think he brought something for you today but didn't want to give me to keep it. He said that he wants to give you himself."

As always, tears came to my eyes every time I thought of him.

"Emma," he locked eyes with Regina, "is part of the God Brother, God Sister Committee in the church."

"So she was informing me." I felt her hand upon my lower back. "Quite a compassionate young woman she is."

"Very much so. Now if the two of you will excuse me, I need to see to the choir practicing in the Presbytery. Do come to Mass some days." He nodded at me and I hugged him. "Both of you, take care."

When he left, Regina began to walk along the aisles and study the paintings depicting the Stations of the Cross. Large paintings framed in polished oak. One by one they were each studied and I lingered behind because somehow something was holding me back. I soon found out what it was.

As we neared the back entrance, I caught a glimpse of someone standing just near the door. Then from his voice alone, even before Neal turned around, I smiled. Dressed in a long sleeved black shirt, he also had on a pair of black tailored pants. And a dark gray tie.

"Somehow I had a feeling you'd show your face," he came forward and hugged me. "Did you get my text?"

"Yeah, and as soon as I did, I figured that you probably came into church today, was washed over by the Holy Spirit and you texted me HAPPY SUNDAY." I laughed. He patted my back and gazed behind me.

"Someone's quite intrigued by the paintings, isn't she?"

Regina waved and he did too.

"Yep."

"Anyway, I've got to get a move on. I'm showing a house to a couple from L.A at one. So got to make preparations." He ruffled my hair and we bid our farewells.

From the minute Neal jogged down the stone steps and went out into the street, I heard the patter of footsteps.

"Emma! Emma!"

My heart practically did flip flops because I knew that voice so well. Spinning around on the spot, there he was! Zach's black plaits swung wildly as he ran to me, his little arms outstretched. And very soon, my legs were hugged and his small face peered up.

"Dude!" I stooped to his level and held his face between my hands, tears in my eyes. "We meet again!"

"Yes we meet!" My face was kissed and I noticed his Cousin Thomas beaming from a bench just where Regina had been. Now she slowly approached us, smiling. "Emma, I missed you so much! Guess what?"

"I missed you too," I hugged him tightly, "what's up?"

"I got a gold star in art, and I read my books and I love English and Math."

"A gold star?" my eyes widened. "Wow. What did you draw?"

"This," he pushed his small hand into his coat pocket, his tongue tucked sideways and pulled out a folded paper. "It's for you."

I took it and unfolded the paper. Regina came to stand behind me and to be truthful, I couldn't help it. Tears slid down my cheeks when I saw that he had drawn himself next to me. The heading was, 'Emma, the best big sister in the world'. My hair was colored with the brightest yellow crayon. I looked like the sun. And it was perfect. Hugging him, he never wanted to let go and I didn't let go. The kid probably didn't receive love and attention from anyone. And it hurt my heart to know that Zach was such a babe and he wasn't loved as much.

"Zach, this is Regina," I said, lifting him up as he played with my hair, "a very, very close friend."

"Hi, Regina," his little voice said cheerfully. A hand was outstretched. "Please to meet you."

"You are such a sweetheart," she said, reaching in and pressing a kiss onto his right cheek. "It's a pleasure to meet you too."

"I like your voice," he said, studying her face. "And your hair. And your eyes. And your very, very close friend." His fingers reached out and her face was touched. "Can I steal her?"

"Sure you can," Regina said, her eyes slightly damp.

"He made me wait," Thomas said, coming to stand next to us. "Somehow he knew you'd come."

Thomas was just around eighteen and already working and attending school. He wasn't Zach's relative by blood but the relationship as cousin had come naturally. He was also like a big brother to Zach.

"I tried calling but the phone's down," I told him.

"Yeah, Debbie had a fight and threw it out the window," he shrugged. Debbie was Zach's foster mother. "But I moved just next door to them. And I have a cell. Want that one?"

"Sure thing." I collected it and promised to call Zach every single week, two times.

Since they had to get back home, I made a note of taking him out for ice cream some time and they left. Clutching the drawing still, tears still clouded my eyes because I remembered how both his parents were killed in a gang raid just two years ago. Zach had been in the apartment. The lady Debbie who took him in wasn't even willing and she never treated him properly. But she didn't want to put him in the foster system, so I had some respect for that. Although to have Zach find new parents would be way better than living in the Projects.

"You're so good with kids," Regina said, wrapping an arm around my waist. We stepped down the stone staircase and lingered in the front garden of the church.

I smiled and toed the grass. "Which is why I want one someday."

"You already have a 26 year old kid who's going to study Law this September," she reminded me. I laughed. "As big as Chad is, he's a baby. And you're more than welcome to take him for ice cream."

"Yeah, true!" I fixed her hair and noted how dark the sky was getting. "What was it like though?"

"What was what like?" she frowned and we began to walk to the gates.

"Chad told me how you got him on your own, without the aid of a nurse or anything." My eyes were lowered. "Must have been hard."

"It was rather frightening, I'll admit that," Regina said softly, entwining our hands just as we were a good way from the church. "The pain was dreadful and he just wouldn't come out."

I snorted.

After realizing what she had said, her hoarse laughter soothed my heart.

"I was just around your age when I got him. And Robin couldn't care less. As I said before, both of them were slipups. But glorious ones. Robin never wanted kids. With me. He wanted other things."

"Bastard," I muttered.

"Yes. Bastard." She squeezed my fingers. "A hairy bastard."

"Eew," I scrunched up my face. "One of the reasons why I never wanted to be with a guy."

"The hairy dilemma?" Her face was turned to me.

"Yup. No hairy chests, thank you very much."

"It wasn't a…turn…off," she admitted. "For me, it was somewhat evident but tolerated."

"Blow jobs too?"

"No. No way," it was her turn to look scorned. "I was not prepared to go down there. Thank goodness Robin never asked and neither did the men I dated."

"Yuck," I felt somewhat nauseated from the thought. "I hang with the guys but…eew."

"The moment I realized that I was gay was the actual thought of a certain body fluid that made me wish to throw up."

I got the message loud and clear and felt my stomach turn. "But you actually…had two kids."

"If you wish to have a child, Emma, then you have to allow at some point, that particular…thing…to participate."

"No." I shook my head. "I'll find a magician and use magic."

"Oh?" she squeezed me closer, "both of us…combined. To produce an offspring?"

"Look, why not?" I turned to her and frowned. "Why do we need a man for that when we don't even want one to begin with? Why is it so freaking basic still? Can't they at least combine us somehow and make it happen?"

Regina studied my face with interest. "I am wondering the same thing. Are we speaking about fusing our eggs and then having it fertilized?"

I sighed, head lowered. "Sounds too farfetched to me."

"I wish I could manage the function of a male and have us produce a baby with black hair and emerald eyes. But thank goodness I do not have male genitals."

"Thank God," I said smiling. "But even if you were gifted with both, or you were born a guy, I'd still want you."

"In all respects?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Every single part of you."

She shrugged. "Perhaps we could find a donor with my shade of hair, and eyes. Or we can find a little version of us combined and adopt the sweet child."

"I just want part of you inside of me and any child I get, you know?" my heart ached. "I don't want you excluded."

"Then when the time comes," she stopped and took my face into her hands, "we'll find a way."

Just as we neared my apartment building, there was a guy parked on his motorbike outside. At first I thought it was Chad until the black helmet was lifted off and he shook out blonde hair. Piercing blue eyes stared at us. From the time we neared him and he kept on studying us, I knew something was going to happen.

Regina stopped and grew stiff within my grasp. I froze up, obviously expecting the worst. But he didn't attempt to pull out a gun or anything. He stared at her and something familiar passed inside his eyes.

"Regina." The way he pronounced her name, I detected his accent and held my breath.

"What…" she held my hand so tight, I stared from her to him in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm visiting mother. Taking pictures in New York." His blue eyes were wide and roamed her. "How are you, Regina?"

She inhaled.

"Who's this?" I asked in a low voice, her grip on me getting tighter.

"No one to bother about," she assured me. But I still wasn't satisfied.

"I am Sean," he stepped forward and offered me a hand unlike the usual French greetings. But somehow I didn't want a kiss on the cheek. "Sean Fontaine."

Her…ex?

Could this day just go normal?

Come on, dude! I just went to church for crying out loud! What was happening here!

Grabbing my hand, she pulled me after her and completely ignored him. Footsteps pounded behind us.

"Regina, I just want to know if it is true and if it happened!" he shouted.

"You need to leave," she said, her voice trembling and I was so torn between the two of them, I had no idea what to do or say. "Leave me alone. It's over."

The elevator button was pressed repeatedly by her. I was pulled in.

"The baby," he said when we stepped inside. Sean's blue eyes were huge. He clutched his helmet. "Regina, the baby. Did you…did you really lose our baby?"

My eyes grew huge and I think the blood rushed out of my head.

What the…


	12. Then I Meet The Mother And Sister

**Excerpt:**

**_"My condolences," Zelena said, pouting, "daddy was a great man."_ **

**_"My condolences, Regina," Robin said stiffly, "I'm so sorry for your loss. How are you?"_ **

**_"Dad, why don't you sit down and stop with the false drama?" Chad answered back with a scowl. "Mom doesn't want to speak to you."_ **

**_Regina remained silent and stared ahead, squeezing my hand._ **

**_"At least you can nod or something, you all high and mighty snob," Zelena said suddenly, her tone laced with anger even I was stunned._ **

**_"Now, now, my dear," heels clicked from behind and the voice alone signaled to me who it was. Cora freaking Mills finally showed her face, resting a hand on Zelena's shoulder, her eyes focused on us. "Behave yourself, Zelena. This is not the time for any ridiculous drama."_ **

* * *

"It's not what you think."

Sean stared at her, blue eyes wide, clenching and relaxing his fingers. It was a sign of nervousness and I looked at his movements really intently. Any wrong move by this guy, and I'd jump in. All protective girlfriend mode, if you want to think of it that way. Me staying by her side like a bodyguard and ready.

"Mother said that you were having my child." His voice was rather calm and low. "Is that true?"

Brown eyes were widened and I stared at Regina. "May told you that?" she sighed, squeezing the bridge of her nose suddenly. Her head was shaken. "Unbelievable."

"She said you were sick and I should come to see you –"

"Sean," Regina's tone was calmer now, "I really don't know how to say this to you. But there were no truth in her words. In plainer terms. May lied barefacedly and with one aim in mind."

"To get me to come back here for no reason at all. To see you," he appeared astonished. Very soon, his footsteps led away and he paced the floor, throwing up his hands. "How could she do this? How could she…lie to me?"

Regina remained silent, and I watched her conduct a careful scrutiny on the guy. I did too. I mean, come on! What do you expect me to do? Just stand there and act like a part of the wall?

All things fair, he wasn't that bad looking. In fact, he was hot. For a guy. For a French guy. And we had the same shade of blonde hair, the same height and he was wearing a shirt I'd totally buy. A nice blue one with red stripes, long sleeves. So did she have a specific taste that stretched across both genders? I guess so.

"How are you, Regina?" he seemed a bit more relaxed now.

She shrugged, "I'm quite fine, Sean."

They stared at each other.

Then somehow, his eyes rested on me and it was like hey, I was finally noticed for the first time.

"And this is your friend?"

"No, actually," she stepped closer to me and slid an arm around my waist. "This is Emma. My partner – "

"In business?" he stared at me.

"No, as in lovers."

The look on Sean's face was epic. Blue eyes grew wide as saucers and he gaped at me. "Lovers? So it is true? You are gay?"

After nodding, I watched a smile spread across her lips and she turned to press a soft kiss onto my right cheek. I was probably glowing in that moment.

"But you never said anything to me before about –"

"Just as you lied to me about your feelings, I returned the favor," Regina smirked. "One can play a game, but after revealing the tricks of the other party, the other individual has the right to pull a few out of the hat. You…" she pointed at him, "should leave."

And turning around, our fingers entwined as she pulled me to my apartment door. I fumbled for the keys and pushed them into the lock. Just as we were heading in, Sean cleared his throat. He was still there.

"I'm sorry about what happened between us."

She stiffened up and held onto me.

"Annie was first and then you came. And I tried to make us work. But you were not serious. You were never there, physically. She was there. I could not move over her."

"So you took her back," Regina faced him in the hallway, her voice hoarse. "You ran back to her even after I told you how what we had was serious."

"We're married now," he stated as if it was some gloomy announcement.

"If you think that I'm going to offer congratulations then don't waste your time. You're one of the reasons I simply detest France and anything French." She scowled at him. "You're possibly the worst mistake of my life apart from my ex-husband."

"Regina, I didn't know you –"

"You didn't know that I wanted to move to France to be with you?" she stared back. "Well too bad. Your loss. Moving on. I am very contented these days with someone who deeply treasures me. So if you will excuse me, I'd like to resume my life after such a distasteful intrusion." Her eyes roamed him as if he was scorned. "Have a glorious life, Sean."

Without wasting any more time, in the apartment she went and I threw one last look at him before closing the door. Moving to the window whilst she retrieved a can of fruit juice in my fridge, I watched him hop onto his bike and leave. Bending over the sink, her eyes fluttered close. For a moment I thought she was going to be sick but Regina actually shook her head and smiled. She scoffed and turned in my direction.

"I believe that I honestly have to thank God through prayer," she gazed at me, clutching the can between well-manicured fingers.

"Why?" I stared back, "because he was wrong?"

"No." She smiled at me. "Because I finally met someone like you."

"I think we both thanked the Heavens today in some odd way," I reminded her, "by going into that church."

"Let's spend the entire afternoon together, by ourselves. With no intrusions or any third party." The empty can was tossed into the red plastic bin and she came towards me, wearing my faded blue jeans and that ridiculously large red jersey. The smiley face imprinted on the front made her appear even more cheerful.

"I like how that sounds," I smiled wickedly and wrapped my arms around her. Feeling nothing but warmth, my heart sighed as always from us making contact. "Just the two of us."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and I frowned.

"Wait," my arm was snatched, brown eyes wide. "If it's him, then call the cops."

Shaking my head, I squeezed her fingers. "I saw him leave. Can't be him."

She stood there and eventually hugged herself, looking rather uncomfortable. I moved to the door and peered through the spy hole. Oh great, so much excitement buried deep down after meeting eyes with the person on the other side.

"Who is it?" she stared at me, looking rather cute standing there.

I pulled open the door and he didn't even wait.

"My darlings!" Chad flung himself inside, arms outstretched, "I've come bearing movies, food and chocolates!" Upon his knees, he dramatically held the bags out to Regina and beamed.

"You twat," she scowled.

He frowned. "Mom, what are you wearing?"

"Get up, grow up and give me the food," her hands outstretched like a Queen awaiting her servant to carry out his duties.

Pressing the door close, I smiled and snatched a random bag from him whilst walking past. Apparently it was the lucky one with all the merchandise. Pushing my hand inside, I felt bars of candies and pulled out one. MILKY WAY. SCORE. She strode towards me and pulled the brown paper bag away. I squeaked. Then scowling, the top was twisted close. Chad and I stared whilst Regina hugged our merchandise.

"I'll exchange the Chinese take-out for my precious babies," he said softly, slowly moving towards her. The other white paper bags were dangled in front of her, his back bent. "Hand them over like a nice mommy."

Hugging them tighter, Regina's brown eyes flicked to me.

I said not a word and took the bags from him because hunger was biting at me. Its little claws were scratching in the pits of my stomach. Pawing around in the bag and realizing that he bought three boxes of food, I checked them. Regina most likely would prefer noodles and veggies so I chose the rice and red meat.

With a cool wind blowing in from the windows, it was only five o'clock and the sky was gray. More than likely it would rain later that night.

We ate and Chad pushed Dirty Dancing into my DVD player. To be honest, I hadn't seen that one in ages. There was this one time the guys and I went to the cinema whilst they were having reruns of classics. And we managed to watch it together. As soon as the movie began, Regina mewled and stretched off on the chair like a cat. She gestured for me to slide in and her head was rested on my lap.

"Guess who showed up, Chad," she reached out and ruffled his hair that was stiff with gel. Sitting on the ugly brown carpet that came with the apartment, he ate and watched the movie.

"Who?"

"Sean."

I raked my fingers through her black hair and felt how soft the tendrils were.

"What?" he upturned his face and stared in amazement. "Sean who? Sean Penn? Oh crap. I haven't seen MILK in ages!"

"Not Sean Penn or Sean Connery. My ex."

"You're joking." Twisting around on the carpet, he studied her face. "The French fry with the mayonnaise hair?"

Regina rolled her eyes and I laughed hard. Honestly, he could really get me going with his sense of humor. The guy literally was a natural.

"Yes." She smiled up at me. "The French Fry."

"The dude is tall, lanky, and he probably has a big package," he gestured in a circular motion between his legs. "But that's it. What you saw in him, I have no idea."

"He has a…nice accent…" she pouted.

"Yeah mom, and did he also speak French to you in bed?"

"Yes." She frowned. "So what?"

Chad threw a look at me. "Thank goodness you saved her, Emma. She has horrible taste in men. Which reminds me," he paused the movie and focused on me, "you wouldn't believe who has been messaging me on Facebook for the past two weeks."

"Who?" My fork froze over the box of food.

"Killian hot smashing Jones!" his eyes were huge, "and the weirdest part is, I think he's into me. Because..." he licked ketchup off his thumb, "when I told him I was going to hit this gay bar on 34th Street, he was like 'mind if I tag along?' and it was totally sudden."

"Emma's friend Killian?" Regina studied his face.

"Yeah!"

"Oh his taste in fashion completely signals so much more. Tight black leather pants, tight fitting shirts..."

"A touch of eyeliner..." I added.

Chad was staring at me.

"What?" I stared back.

"Is he or is he not gay?"

"Why? Are you into him?" I smiled, recalling that small hint the guys and I received that night. "Because if you're into him then I can at least throw in a word."

"Dude, which gay stud wouldn't be into Killian?" he resumed the movie and sighed. "I'd love to move in but my gaydar doesn't sing hallelujah every time I see him."

"Perhaps he's...like...me," Regina admitted in that husky voice of hers, tangling her fingers up idly. "Before Emma, I was mildly expressive with my roaming eyes but majorly silenced. Based on prejudiced views of course."

"Mom," Chad shook his head, "no one could silence your views on anything. So don't even try that one."

"No, what I mean is, in a world of business, as a woman, many eyes are on you every single second. I was married. And I had two kids. Therefore the media had a tendency of watching with eagle eyes. Perhaps if I had come out whilst married, your twat of a father would have felt the blows severely."

"Which would have been awesome," Chad lifted a thumbs up sign.

"But I decided to at least wait a bit. Because my idea of coming out was confessing the truth to Emma."

"The struggle she went through with that," Chad said, lifting his head, eyes fluttering close, "sitting on the plane, on her way to New York and really, really nervous about her next move."

"Really?" I hadn't realized that maybe she planned our meeting and everything way before the actual moment.

"Mom was a wreck. Asking me what to do. Wanting to do something. And she couldn't make the first move. I gave her a push. Was surprised when she did it. But then again, no one can hold her back. She's a power house."

"Aww," with cupped fingers, I caressed her forehead and she smiled up at me. "I kept telling her, all she had to do was slip me a note or send a text."

"And say what exactly?" lifting her hand, our splayed fingers entwined, palms rubbing together. "Hi, Miss Swan, I'd like to confess to you that I am most ardently in love with you. With every ounce of blood rushing through my veins..."

Chad inhaled deeply and sent me a look of sheer delight. "You've struck gold, matey. Can't do any better than my mommy dearest."

We watched half of the movie and then he reminded her that the funeral was on Wednesday. Since she had broken the news to me about her father passing, I hadn't really returned back to the topic. So no funeral discussions were made. But hearing about this now kind of put me in an anxious mood because I wasn't sure if she'd want to go or not. I wanted her to go. He was her dad. And you can't just avoid a thing like that because it haunts you forever.

I remember when my childhood friend died. Her name was Elizabeth and we grew up together. Finding out that she was being destroyed by cancer had scared me. Terrified me, in a manner of speaking. Because I couldn't understand how someone as sweet and shy and pretty as her could become so sick.

Lizzie basically withered away in front of me. The amount of time I spent with her in that hospital in Storybrooke. Reading and drawing. Until one day she had an anger fit, more like becoming completely frustrated, and she told me to leave her alone.

Imagine your best friend just shouting and demanding that you leave the room because she didn't want to see you anymore. That was it. Even though I knew that her frustration arose from the cancer and being sick, it still shocked me. Especially after she cried that I had my life and she couldn't even live hers. Crying for weeks, I used to go and peer through the window and into her room. And then when she died, Lizzie left me a note that basically said:

**I WISH MORE THAN ANYTHING THAT I COULD LIVE LONGER. BUT YOU'RE THE LUCKY ONE. YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE. YOU WERE ALWAYS THE LUCKY ONE.**

Showing mom that letter was heartbreaking for me. She tried to get me to go to the funeral but I couldn't. And to this day, it still haunts me. Every time I see the name Lizzie or think about Nancy Drew books, or The Dana Girls, I'd remember how we used to rush to the bookstore and buy one at a time, from our savings.

When I'm getting a Mocha with Regina, I keep remembering how Lizzie always wanted to taste one from New York. How she wanted to become a business executive, just like Regina. She was so much like her, sometimes I wonder if Lizzie really came back to me somehow because this was exactly what it felt like to be with her. To connect with someone.

I'd never have to talk to Lizzie. She'd just understand my silence. I didn't have to tell her what I wanted. She knew already. Most times when we were angry with each other, Lizzie randomly did things to cheer me up. Just like Regina. I wasn't romantically in love with her. Maybe I was and didn't know. But sometimes I just think that souls are never gone. They don't burn out like a lamp. A soul could most likely be reborn again or enter someone else. Just because, somehow in this universe, two souls are supposed to keep finding each other.

Maybe her soul found me again.

"...hit the club with Killian," Chad was saying. I tuned myself back into the room and noticed that the window was dark already. "You guys wanna come?"

"No, sweetheart," Regina caressed his right cheek and smiled. "Have fun. Be careful though. It looks quite windy outside."

"Yeah," he pushed himself up from the floor, clutching the empty box, "CNN said we're expecting a thunderstorm tonight."

"Then stay indoors," Regina frowned.

"I will be indoors, don't worry," he winked. And after helping me clean up the boxes and emptying the trash, Chad left at seven to meet Killian in a club.

We didn't take a shower together. But I wanted to. She had to be on a call with Flames suddenly, something about an emergency fund transfer. I had no idea what that was about. Most times the Queens and Kings at the top of the organization did their own thing, spoke in their own language, never choosing to elaborate. So I didn't question anything.

The minute I got out of shower, there she was sitting on the window seat in my bedroom. Feet curled up under her, she looked like a huge kid with her back hunched, just staring up into the black sky.

See, that particular window faced north. My apartment was kind of complicated to explain because I was located on the end of the building, a couple floors up. But I guess you wouldn't care too much about which window was which. Just that my room was at the back, and the shower. Then walking south, you'd enter the kitchen then the small living room.

"Regina," I said, feeling very mischievous, "look at this."

She immediately turned her brown eyes in my direction. Gently unwrapping my yellow towel, I displayed my boobs and smiled like a lunatic. Giving my hips a little shake, she stared at me without blinking.

"What?" I was kind of worried, especially since there was no movement on her part.

"You're...wet," she said hoarsely, her voice laced with lust.

"Yep," turning my back, I peeled off my towel and began to slowly wipe myself. I reached up to unclasp the clip and blonde hair fell onto my shoulders and down my back. "I'm so cold too."

"It's magical," she whispered from behind me.

"What? My hair?" I was feeling full of myself.

"Yes. But the lightning."

I frowned and turned around to catch her peering upwards in awe.

"How a bolt cuts the sky like a dagger. As if ripping velvet, bleeding with electricity. It's like opening a cushion filled with magic." She turned to me, brown eyes wide. "If you stare at it for quite some time, just awaiting the right moment, I believe that somehow we can catch a glimpse of another world."

"You're so poetic," I said softly, pulling on my navy blue cotton pajamas, no bra. "Kind of reminds me of Darcy."

"Pride and Prejudice Mister Darcy?" she hugged her knees and watched me comb my hair.

I nodded, trying to comb the freaking tangles out my blonde hair. It was a struggle. "You're all sophisticated, serious, very deep and intense. Compassionate."

"I am not prejudiced though," she pointed out.

"In a way you are. You don't like men."

"No," she smiled and rose up from the seat. "That's right. I prefer one model of the human specie."

"And that is?" I could feel her coming up behind me and my body sparked up, tiny bolts of pleasure shooting around.

"Female. Blonde hair, a distinct shade of emerald eyes." She parted my hair to one side and moved in closer. I felt her warm palms through my pants, resting on my hips.

"More than half the population probably has those qualities," I noted, my throat aching.

"Yes but I prefer one particular one. The one who manages to silence my doubts, cry out in pleasure and..." my jawline was bitten like a kitten as she wrapped her arms around me.

I waited. She just continued to press kisses down my neck.

"And what?"

A warm hand moved further south and cupped between my legs.

"And what?" I repeated as she tilted my head back.

Brown eyes blinked at me. "I completely lost that line of thought."

"That's not fair," I protested, pouting, "you can't leave me hanging like that."

"Oh I have no intentions of leaving you hanging," she twisted me around with a smirk and pushed me onto the bed. "Just relax." My pants was pulled off and she hooked her thumbs through the waist band of my pink panties.

Eyes wide, I stared at her whilst she pulled upwards and lowered that mouth. A hot tongue flicking just between my upper legs. My thighs were ravished with kisses and bitten until I began to squirm. It was like a warm lick of lightning every single time. Making me twitch from excitement. Especially when she laughed and pushed my legs further apart. Then burying her face just there, I was sucked and nibbled until my fists balled the sheet into tight bundles.

"Yes," I hissed, eyes blinded from pleasure that piled up below and made my mind weaken. "Yes, yes, yes."

I couldn't even speak after two minutes. Two hot fingers pushed their way inside of me and her thumb began to create a delicious massage. Then there was tongue and more tongue and eventually I lost track of what the hell was happening. Because the back of my hand was bitten after I came harder and harder every single time she thrust into me. Lifting my hips, I couldn't even scream out from the pleasure coursing through my body. And she wouldn't stop.

Regina kept her grip on my upper legs and used her mouth on me until I couldn't remain in the room anymore. It was like lifting myself up into the sky and staying there. So that when she was done, there was no recollection on my part what happened next. All I remembered is weakly getting under the covers as she slipped in beside me. Then my face was buried into her soft boobs whilst she read from her Kindle.

"Night, night, my Emma," she said in that husky voice of hers, pressing a kiss onto the top of my head. Fingers raked through my hair. "Sweet dreams of us."

Monday, she finally decided to tell me of her decision to go to Texas for Henry's funeral. Of course I welcomed it one hundred percent and wanted that. Like I said before, if she missed out on something like that, just because of the mother and the sister, then some way or the other, Regina would regret it.

So we both took Wednesday and Thursday off.

Flying to Texas would take about four hours. The funeral was like three o'clock Wednesday. But she also wanted to stay a little on her father's ranch in Dallas. Most likely she figured that a night would be enough for now. Spend Wednesday looking after the funeral, then the night, then Thursday relaxing a bit. Then travel back in time for work on Friday.

I told the guys about it, and Neal said that it was the best move to encourage Regina to go. Killian marveled over my decision to accompany her. Will frowned and asked me if I was ready to meet the family. That immediately had me thinking, throughout Monday, Monday night, Tuesday and then I ended up with a migraine on Wednesday.

Being silent throughout the ride to the airport was probably the reason why she kept teasing me. It was like her way of relieving the stress built up from anticipating the meeting too. Regina basically wouldn't leave me alone. She bought a pack of honey roasted nuts and chewed on them until her jaws hurt. Then grinning at me, in the car, her makeup case was attacked and then my face was patted with powder. My hair was grabbed up and twisted into a messy bun as she pressed light pink lipstick onto lips. Of course the need to smile like a lunatic was my response the whole time.

"You look gorgeous," she commented, holding up her small pocket mirror to show me whilst we waited for the flight to call in. "Not that you don't look gorgeous whilst sweaty and without makeup. But a light touch of foundation and lipstick has made quite a difference."

"I'm nervous," I said for the first time. Because before, I was trying so hard to be composed just so she would feed on the positive energy from me.

"Why?" frowning, cupped fingers caressed my right cheek.

"I don't know," studying the busy terminal, I sighed. We were sitting on red plastic chairs waiting. "Meeting your mom and sister. I'm kind of nervous."

"My father wants you there," she simply said. "I want you there and nothing else matters."

"Yeah but I'm just worried that they'll give you a hard time. Plus this isn't easy for you."

Actually smiling warmly at me, my right hand was taken and Regina squeezed gently. "Of course you'd think about me first and foremost. This is why I love you endlessly."

"It comes naturally," I smiled back, entwining our fingers. "Plus I have this way. I just can't stand back and watch people criticize or insult anyone I love. I get all defensive. So actually thinking about what they might say, it just pisses me off."

"Don't...worry about them," she assured me. "I've found that remaining silent when my mother speaks her atrocities is quite the feedback that reduces her to boiling anger. Whether you reply or not to whatever is said, the end result will be the same. Just promise me one thing, Emma."

I studied her face and wondered. "What's that?"

"Don't...try to please either of them. Don't believe that they mean well because they're tricksters in concealing their wicked intents. Especially my mother. She could sweet talk you into believing her heart warms after your personality. But really and truly, her inner loathing and rude sketch of your character remains hidden."

"Don't take cookies from the in-laws," I nodded, "got it."

"And my sister has a ridiculous way of melting you with her smile. As she does with the many fools who consider her to begin with," Regina shook her head. "Just think of a rotten apple painted red to look quite tempting. But inside, the taste is horribly wicked."

"I just love your descriptions," my fingers played with her hair.

She sighed and reached up to take my hand into hers. "Thankfully, Chad and Kay will be there as well."

"And Robin?" she stared at me for a long time without answering, a distant look in her brown eyes that was worrying.

"I really don't care about Robin." That's all that was said.

We boarded the plane, she slept for an hour which was totally surprising. I listened to music and played with her fingers, squeezing them one by one. And then when we landed in Texas, Chad came to pick us up. He had flown out since yesterday.

"It's a helluva blasted family gathering at the ranch," he announced to us when we got into the back of a blue pickup truck. "Well, mostly friends showed up today. Since nine this morning. Grandpa has a lot of friends."

"Had," Regina corrected from next to me.

"Yeah?" Chad adjusted the rearview mirror to meet her eyes, "the old dude isn't dead. He's never going to be dead. People like him don't die. He just left that body he oh so complained about. Although he got the ladies with it. And trust me, I can still feel grandpa on the ranch."

"And your grandmother?" Regina slid a hand around me and I was pulled closer.

"She's not there yet. Don't think she'll get on the ranch. Grandpa always said he placed a curse on the lands to melt her face any time she set foot on his property."

I snorted.

"So who is there already?"

"Just me and the old dudes. Plus a couple old ladies who adored his bum."

"But you said there was a family gathering..." Regina frowned.

"I meant the horses, cows and cats."

Rolling her eyes, she cast them outside and sighed.

"You should see the lineup," he beamed at me in the mirror. "It's like they all are waiting to jump on Ewlena and chase grandma around until her wig falls off."

Whilst he tuned into a radio station playing Miley Cyrus, I gazed out the window and watched the change in scenery. It was glorious. Rolling grasslands and ranch houses that remained so far apart. The scent of fresh grass kissed by rain and sun. Somehow, that window video from the Carnival came to mind when I detected a stream snaking its way through grass. Right next to it was a neat little red, clay brick cottage.

"That looks like the illusion from the ride at the Carnival," she said softly, reading my mind. "Doesn't it?"

I nodded, feeling all mushy inside from that connection we had.

Basically, we arrived at the ranch at exactly one thirty in the blazing sun. It was amazing. Honestly, the land stretched as far as the eye could see and the house was just perfect. It was this flat cottage with an open layout. Green as the grass were the stone walls and the inside was your usual old fashioned polished wooden floors. The living room was large with a simple small Sony television and a three piece green setting of chairs fixed in a semicircle. From that room, you could immediately gaze upon the kitchen that was small and cozy.

Henry had used gas lamps and a gas stove even though there was electricity.

But I guess that there was a huge difference in the lighting from an electric bulb to a gas lamp. Something about the soft yellow light bouncing around the room would soothe my mind. I loved it. I loved the small staircase running up to the attic in the tower. I loved the smell of baked bread and cookies that was probably embedded in the walls. I liked his paintings around the place and his bookcase.

He had all the classics, ranging from Moby Dick to Sherlock Holmes. When I went to use the small washroom just next to the kitchen, his sandalwood soap made my nose tingle. I sniffed it and loved the smell. Plus it was amazing how simple he lived. There was nothing fabulous about the place. Henry had been in tune with the simpler things in life like reading, sitting in the wooden rocking chair on his patio and gazing out into the land he owned.

"It's all yours, mom," Chad brought a pitcher of lemonade out onto the patio and poured us three glasses.

"Where are the friends?" she held her hair back as the wind blew in.

"Oh they left to prepare for the funeral most likely. They're really sweet. Especially Anna, this Chinese woman with long gray hair. She brought pine slices and shared them out in a tin."

"I'll have a walk around the back," Regina said, turning to me. The bottom of her red dress billowed around the top of knee high brown leather boots. "Come with me?"

"Sure."

Chad brought his glass of lemonade and we checked out the stables at the back. There were three horses inside: a chocolate brown one, another white one and a gray one that was sleeping.

"Oh Roisin!" Regina ran up to the white one and held the horse's face between her hands. "How are you my darling?"

"It's funny but you seem to like everything that's blonde, some way or the other," Chad pointed out.

"Emma, Roisin's mother's mother's...mother... was my first horse back when I was a child," Regina explained to me with her eyes glowing the softest brown.

"I thought Rocinante was a dude?" Chad frowned.

"Everyone thought she was a stallion because of her strength and stature but in truth, she was...a...she."

"Grandpa said she was a dude." The horse whinnied.

"Shut up and drink your lemonade," Regina scowled, patting Roisin's nose. "

Chad pressed a hand to his chest and appeared hurt. "Oh no you didn't."

"Anyway, daddy always treasured her line and wanted to continue it. Oh how I used to adore Rocinante on this very ranch. We'd ride into the sunset and -"

"She used to get away and meet this dude about half a mile away," Chad cut in, wiping his lips. Regina stared at him, her chest heaving. "His name was Daniel. Or so grandfather put it. And they used to have picnics and stuff. Probably letting his hand wander up your blouse..."

"Daniel was a gentleman," she said defensively.

"Of course he was. All gentlemen want one thing some day or the other."

"Your view on life tickles me with anger sometimes," she scowled and returned to petting the cute Roisin who kept staring at me. Probably saying, she's mine, you bitch. All mine.

"He was your first boyfriend, wasn't he?" Chad wouldn't give up. I nudged him and widened my eyes because if he revved her up then someone would receive the end of the sarcasm stick along the day.

"He was my best friend."

"Did he kiss you too?" he shrugged. "As far as best friends go, I mean."

"Can a young woman not have the privilege of attaching affections to a young man?" she stared at him.

"Which guy in their right mind wouldn't want to rush out of the friendzone and kiss my gorgeous mother?" Chad stated in mild shock. "Don't stand there and try to make me believe that Daniel never made a move."

"Well he...was slightly in love with me," her voice took on a softer tone and it was so cute to watch the change in her face. "But I quickly shut down any affections further than a friend."

"Ouch," Chad clicked his tongue, "oh mom, where is the poor soul now?"

"He died," she said, avoiding our eyes.

Chad and I stared at each other.

"How?" I asked.

Regina shrugged and moved away from the stall. She went to a pipe attached to the wall and washed her hands. I watched her carefully and noted the silence as a sign for us to leave it there. But come on, of course I'd want to know what happened after that. To see her hurting wasn't something that I could ignore. And she was hurting, slightly.

When we were dressing for the funeral in one of the three rooms, I clipped my hair up and stared at her. Sitting in front of the small wooden vanity, she was putting black, square, stud earrings on. There was something in her brown eyes that suggested a thought lingered and wouldn't go away. I went to stand behind her and zipped up the black dress she had on.

"You okay?"

Our eyes met. I rested my chin on her head, smelling that lovely White Diamond perfume.

"Yes." She applied red lipstick and rubbed it in. "Are you?" Wiping red stained fingertips onto a tissue, she folded it neatly.

"I am if you are."

A few seconds elapsed. She sighed. Shoulders hunched. "He was killed in an accident," she explained. "One night, he was riding home on his horse and something happened. They found him the next morning in a stream just a mile away from here. There was this deep cut in his head and it appeared that he snapped his neck."

I winced internally.

"My best friend," she croaked, looking at me in the mirror. "I couldn't even go to his funeral because his family always wanted him to marry me. My mother ordered me to stay away. And so here in this very room I sat crying for hours on end."

"I don't think I can hate your mother more than I hate her already," I confessed, wrapping my arms around her, our cheeks pressed together.

"Yes well, there are some things mother did that are unforgivable. But at times I gaze into the mirror and wonder if by chance, if twisted enough, if I could become like her."

"Honestly, it's not that you're bound to become like her because she's your mother," I said softly, "but experiences make us who we are. I'd never become like my mother. I know that for a fact. However, I'd like to think that no matter what, some parts of our parents still live on in us. And show in time, you know?"

"True," she returned her lipstick to the red pouch and zipped it up. "I will never become like her. And you will make sure of that."

"I haven't met her yet, so..." I smiled.

"Then conduct a study on her character and let me know later if I am very similar to her. Kay thinks that I am. Chad disagrees. My father never encouraged the discussion."

"I somehow always trust Chad's opinions."

She smiled at me in the mirror. "Me too, my love."

So when you'd think a small Catholic church would remain somewhat empty at the back, the entire twelve pews were filled with people. Mostly friends as I noted from looking around. The abundance of ladies in the room was something to watch and admire. And Regina was hugged by many of them, as they expressed their love for her father.

"He was a great man," Anna, the Chinese lady Chad was speaking about said with a teary smile, "quite a gentleman. May the Lord bless his soul."

"The man had a way with his toolkit, if you know what I mean," said another woman with red hair.

"Oh yes, Henry knew how to fix a pipe, to get the water flowing again."

One of them nodded and winked at me. "A charmer he was, an old fox."

Regina threw me a look and smiled.

Nodding, she touched my hand and we went to sit up front next to Chad and Kay. Decked out in a smart black suit with a white crisp shirt, Chad was looking really dashing in the front row. I hugged Kay and admired her black shirt and black, wide flowing skirt. My decision was to sit at the back of them and Regina immediately disapproved. Slipping a hand around my waist, she pulled me in beside her to sit.

I could feel how tense she was and knew it all related to the arrival of her mother. As Chad had pointed out earlier, Regina always tensed up when it came to Cora because she was the one woman who managed to weaken her no matter what. The woman sounded like a monster, if you asked me. Some powerful woman who loved belittling people.

From the time I glanced over and saw Robin, and our eyes met, this small fist of anger clenched inside of me. He stared me down then his eyes flicked to Regina. She was saying something to Chad and didn't notice until he stopped, staring behind her. From the moment she saw him, Regina's brown eyes turned stormy. I took her hand between us and squeezed it and she immediately exhaled.

"Ah there's my sis."

The redhead next to Robin beamed in our direction. To be honest, she really was wicked looking. There was something about her blue eyes that literally pierced my mind and intimidated me immediately. Her smile was really evil looking and she was beautiful. It was like poison. A deadly poison that at first gave me this oh she's so pretty effect, until I stared at her a little longer.

Regina didn't even reply.

"My condolences," Zelena said, pouting, "daddy was a great man."

"My condolences, Regina," Robin said stiffly, "I'm so sorry for your loss. How are you?"

"Dad, why don't you sit down and stop with the false drama?" Chad answered back with a scowl. "Mom doesn't want to speak to you."

Regina remained silent and stared ahead, squeezing my hand.

"At least you can nod or something, you all high and mighty snob," Zelena said suddenly, her tone laced with anger even I was stunned.

"Now, now, my dear," heels clicked from behind and the voice alone signaled to me who it was. Cora freaking Mills finally showed her face, resting a hand on Zelena's shoulder, her eyes focused on us. "Behave yourself, Zelena. This is not the time for any ridiculous drama."

I got a chance to do a massive study on the power bitch. Standing there, she really wasn't what I expected. She didn't even have a massive figure to begin with but the boobs were definitely huge. In fact, Cora was really pretty, apart from the smirk on her face. There was no resemblance between her and Regina which made me believe that yeah, angels had created my girlfriend and thank God for that. But, she had brown eyes and chocolate brown hair. Wearing a stunning long sleeved black dress with black stockings, her eyes met mine.

"My darling," she stepped in front of me and frowned down at Regina, "my condolences, as you know, he was at some point a wonderful man to me. As I know, he will always be treasured by you."

Releasing my hand, I guess Chad and I stared up when Regina rose to embrace her mother. It was a stiff hug though, her brown eyes latched onto Robin who sat on the opposite side of the church. The fire burning in her brown eyes was something to fear, especially since they were filled with tears.

"Is this the girlfriend?" Cora asked after they stepped apart. She looked at me with a small smile.

"Yes," Regina nodded, reaching up to tuck her dark, silky hair behind her right ear. "This is Emma."

"Very nice," and without even offering a handshake or anything, she stepped past me and went to sit next to the other two.

"You didn't have to do that," Chad said to her in a whisper whilst Kay listened in.

"To avoid it would have been dramatic," Regina said, her head lowered, "mother knows how to spark up a scene."

"True that." Chad sighed.

The organ began to play.

"And please refrain from being disrespectful to your father, dear," she warned him in a gentle voice, "I am aware of your anger towards him but he is still your father."

"In all manner of speaking...mom," he said the last part separately, "I don't give a crap about blood or relations at this point. I didn't ask for his money and I don't intend to feel obligated to give him respect in turn."

"Yeah but at the end of the day, he's our dad," Kay said. "He's never really done anything bad to you."

"Coming from you," Chad refused to look at her, "that means nothing to me, since you always highly favored him and never understood what he's like anyway."

"I tend to seek out the good in people first before stressing on the bad," she said stiffly.

"Even after he slept with mom's sister and kicked her out so hard, she lost our sister?" he turned on her and stared.

"Chad..." Regina warned, resting a hand on his lap.

"No, this has gone on long enough and she needs to stop putting him on a pedestal because he's shit. I've been there, I know what he is. And he's not a father to me."

"I don't expect you to understand that at some times, it's necessary to forgive and forget and -"

"Forgive and forget what the hell he did?" Chad's eyes were huge, "you know what? Just quit it, Kay. Because you were never there for mom throughout this to begin with."

"I beg your pardon?" Kay's temper was definite.

"Suck a lime." Chad folded his arms. "We're in church. I don't have time to sin my soul over you at this point."

"Ass." And getting up, she actually went across the aisle to sit with her grandmother. I stared at her move in awe.

Regina's eyes fluttered close and she inhaled deeply.

"I'm sorry mom, but it had to be done."

"I don't intend to spank both of you at my father's funeral," she said quietly, "so compose yourself and let it last until you are out of my presence. Then you two can fight it out. But please, desist from making my migraine worse."

"I'm sorry," he said softly, taking her hand and squeezing it. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, you never upset me," Regina stated as the priest came forward, "you can never upset me, sweetheart. You're just too defensive in my light and I really appreciate it but this is not the time."

"I understand," he nodded.

We stood as the service began.

The amount of times I had seen her slightly upset, none of it compared to this occasion. She was severely heartbroken over her father's death, to a point where her weakened heart brought tears to my eyes. Regina cried behind her red handkerchief and stood longer than anyone at the polished oak coffin. Clutching my arm, I gently rubbed her back as she stared down at her father. Seeing him for the first time like this was really unnerving to me because like they say, most people avoided looking at the dead just to remember them alive. But I had never seen him alive. So this was the only image of him I'd have forever.

Even Zelena felt Regina's sadness from the pew and tears filled her eyes. Cora remained stiff but dabbed at her cheeks often. Robin looked genuinely sympathetic too and stared at us without any fury.

"Daddy," her hoarse voice pained my heart, "come back to me. Come back, please." Chad came to stand on her right and we both hugged her. "You were the only family I had other than my son who understood me," she cried. "I didn't want...this."

She never let go of me. And when I say that, I really mean it. Holding onto me was all she did throughout the entire procession. Down the aisle of the church, into Chad's pickup and to the graveyard. Regina didn't want to let go and I never wanted her to either.

As Henry's coffin was lowered into the ground, the luscious green grass surrounding the area, a silence washed over the crowd. Stepping forward and still keeping our fingers entwined, she stooped gracefully but weakly to pinch up a handful of fresh dirt. Then a sob escaped when it was thrown into the opening. Hugging me, brown eyes watered as I tossed my sunflowers in because as she said, he always loved those.

They were all watching us. But when Henry's old friends had enough compassion in hearts to accept Regina's love for me, her mother and sister didn't soften up. Never had I come across two cold hearts like theirs, buried in chests filled with sheer evil. Imagine they attempted to ridicule my baby In front of everyone. And I wanted so much to conjure up some form of magic and shove them both into another world.

Stepping forward whilst Regina remained at the grave, entwined in my arms, Zelena shook her head and sighed. I was the first to notice her approach and immediately tensed up because I sensed something.

"Poor man," her evil smile was upsetting, "even though he wasn't my father by blood, at least I was a better daughter than your sorry excuse."

I glared at her and remembered Regina told me to never stoop to their level and retort. Ignoring her sister, she hugged me closer and rested our cheeks together.

"I don't know what's more upsetting," Zelena just wouldn't give up, "the fact that you're a selfish bitch or your constant attempts to humiliate our family by displaying your ungodly lifestyle."

"Zelena..." Cora warned, approaching us, the black netting around her hat fluttering in the wind. "Leave your sister alone."

"Since when are you comforting her?" the red head asked in disbelief. "After all she's done to destroy our reputation."

"I'd like to think," said Anna, suddenly showing herself in front of us, "that you'd at least control yourself, my dear child." Her black eyes were focused on Zelena. "After all, you did commit adultery by sleeping with your sister's husband. And as we religious folk say around here, those who haven't sinned, cast the first stone."

Blue eyes were icy and focused on the older woman.

"I find it very nice to see Henry's baby all grown up and happy at last with someone she loves. If you ask me, this was all Henry talked about for the past couple weeks. Sad to say, he never mentioned you. Us folks around here all know who he loved and treasured more than anything else. Even if his daughter favors the same sex."

"What -"

"So..." Anna held up a hand and silenced Zelena, "I'd watch what I say around his grave. There's a funny saying that if you speak ill of the dead or what the dead loves, or you try to offend their beloveds, they will haunt you. I bid you all a good day." And without saying another word, the old Chinese lady walked off under her red lace umbrella to join a few other women who smiled at us warmly.

Zelena focused her eyes on me and suddenly, a smile crossed her face. It was deadly. I watched her laugh and felt my insides freeze over.

"Well don't expect me to welcome you as family," she said directly to me.

"Why don't you fuck off and shut up, you disgrace of a sister and walk away?" Regina said in the deadliest voice I had ever heard from her. Brown eyes were narrowed into slits and her fingers clenched around mine.

"I beg your pardon?"

Cora was actually smiling as if the bitch really loved this drama.

"You do not get the chance to speak of family in front of me," Regina said in an icy tone, "because Emma doesn't need any approval from both of you in the first place since I don't consider you as family anymore."

And taking my hand, she led me away with her, leaving them both standing there and staring.

It was bound to happen.

One way or the other, I was obviously going to get the welcome into the family speech from one of them. Little did I know that Cora's warmest smile was a mask to hide her sheer and utter evil intentions. Like Regina had warned me, the lady was deadly. And when we returned to the ranch, I actually had the chance to be cornered by her whilst Regina excused herself to use the washroom.

Chad was standing just there and he heard the entire thing. But she had her tactics. Cora really knew how to belittle someone without giving a fuck. I believe that she could kill two birds with one stone easily. And that's exactly what she did.

"Tell me, dear," she considered Chad with a warm smile, "how is your studies going?"

He shrugged and didn't meet her eyes. "As good as ever. I'm starting Law in a month."

"Law?" she seemed puzzled and I sipped my lemonade, glancing at the washroom every single second.

"Yeah, that's what I said."

Zelena and Robin were standing on the patio, gazing at the landscape, arms wrapped around each other.

"How on earth could a young man of such modern and vulgar ways study a subject like law?"

Chad never flinched. "The last time I checked, grandma dearest," he smiled as bitter sweet as she was, "the law caters for gay marriage. It's all about equality talk these days."

"Law is based on morality, my child," Cora stood between us and smiled at him.

"Not anymore."

"But your lifestyle offends me and you are a part of my family."

Chad actually smiled. "Oh shucks," he sighed and licked his lips. "So sorry, but like I always tell people like you, funny thing but you never brought me into this word. My mother did. My mother loves me. My mother accepts me. My mother is the best mother there ever will be. Why? Because she looks past the fact that I'm gay and accepts me as her son. You and dad never could do the same even though I'm related to you by blood. So family?" he scoffed. "To hell with family."

"Well it appears as if I'll have to cut out her entire family line from my will," Cora stated, turning to smile at me. "Such a pity."

"Who the fuck cares about your money or your will?" Chad's temper was rising. "Do I look as if I need your assistance? I'm living my life as fabulously as possible whether you involve yourself in it or not."

"Your father is paying for this so called Law Degree you are about to pursue," Cora hissed suddenly. "If I were you, I'd watch my tongue."

"See the funny thing about my dad is that he always feels the need to compensate me for every single thing he's done wrong. Like kicking me out the house when I was a kid over and over again. I don't need his money but he gives it. I take it. If it so happens that he wants to stop giving, then fuck..." he threw out his arms and stared around, "I'll use my own. Being a stripper pays well these days. You should see the tips I bring in."

Cora gaped at him.

"Especially when I go around with your name on my naked chest. Mills." He smiled at her.

I snorted and hid my smile in my glass of lemonade as she turned on me.

"Oh you should grin like a fool," she glared at me, "for corrupting my daughter and turning her into a lesbian."

Raising my eyebrows, I remained silent and smiled wider.

"How old are you?"

I shrugged, "I'll be 23 in October, ma'am."

"Twenty three?" she cried, her brown eyes wide. "Are you in this because of her money or are you a fool?"

"Neither," I sipped from my glass as Chad lingered in the background, arms folded. "I'm in this for love."

"And what the hell do you know about love at that age?" Cora rounded on me.

I held my ground. "If my calculations are correct from the information I received, you already had Zelena at my age. So whatever you knew about love at my age, I do too. Only thing is, I don't eat sausage." I smiled. "I'm a vegetarian."

"Franky Doyle!" Chad beamed at me. "Nice one!"

"Yeah," I shrugged. "My babe."

Cora stepped up to me and blocked my view on Chad. She leaned in. "I have enough money to make you disappear if I so please. I will not hesitate in ripping this delusion from my daughter if the need arises and it has come. The amount of disgrace you are putting onto my family, it angers me."

"Well I'm sorry for offending you, but it is what it is."

"Unless you prefer me to have my friends pay a visit to Storybrooke." I froze up. "Then mommy dearest and daddy dearest will feel exactly the humiliation you have cast upon me."

"I -"

"Shut up and listen to me, dear," Cora hissed, "end this affair now and break her heart. Do whatever it takes. You are an intelligent young woman. I see great opportunities for you if your behavior changes. Unless you wish to remain in this and suffer through it with endless rejections from various companies and stained references. Because I can pay to make things happen. I can do whatever is necessary. And you, my child..." the washroom door opened and close behind me.

"You're nothing but one of her collection that she will discard of by next year."

"Mother," Regina's voice was frantic. Heels clicked on the wood as she came to us.

"Mary and David," Cora stepped back in all smiles. I gaped at her. "What lovely names."

"What are you doing?" Regina asked, coming to take my arm. I was so cold, my head spun.

"She was just telling me about her parents," the evil bitch said. "True love is an illusion, Regina. As I always told you, love is weakness. You need stronger bonds. Bonds with benefits."

"I'm a bit old fashioned," Regina returned sarcastically. "I tend to want exactly what my father did. Someone to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who loves me for myself instead of my money."

"La!" Cora laughed, lifting her glass. "You're quite foolish, girl. Look what your sister has now." She gestured at the couple on the patio who were now staring at us. "Zelena is now the CEO of Dazzle. Robin still remains in his position whilst you're...sitting in a chair as a V.P. You could have been in charge of Dazzle. Your own company. But instead, you chose to sleep with a child. Disgusting." She stared me down whilst Regina stared at Zelena in shock.

"You made...her...CEO of Dazzle?" Regina asked in a whisper.

"Yes." Cora beamed at her red head daughter. "I also tripled her salary. I need heirs to run my empire, you foolish girl. Something Emma can never give you."

"You bitch," Regina stepped forward and slapped her mother. Chad and I both jumped back at the same time, my glass almost slipped from my hand.

Standing there, Cora straightened up and touched her cheek. She actually smiled.

"How dare you!" Zelena rushed inside and Robin held her back. "You wretch!" she squirmed in his arms.

"Get out," Regina said in a low voice that was deadly.

"I don't think you have the right to -"

"Get out!" she cried. "Get out of here now!" I clung onto her and so did Chad.

There were footsteps behind us and the backdoor opened. Coming in from the front, Henry's old friends showed themselves.

"You heard the little lady," one of them made a dramatic move to pull back the clip on his gun. He smiled and pointed the tip at Cora. "Get out like a nice heifer whilst you can."

"Run, old whore," one of the old ladies giggled madly, showing a small gun in her hand. "Run! Run! Run!" She fired a shot into the air and the scattering began.

The three of them ran like they were crazy, to their fancy vehicles and the engines roared to life. The wheels kicked up dust as they sped out, shots fired as maniacal laughter filled the air.

Jumping around like hooligans, they suddenly disappeared and after a while, Chad and I stared at Regina in awe.

"What the fuck just happened?"

She was still crying. I was frozen over with fright. My parents. She had threatened my parents. No one threatened those I loved. No one. Sinking onto the chair, Regina pulled me down with her and I allowed her to sob into my shoulder.

Chad jumped around the room and yelled, "run, old whore! Run! Run! Run! Pow!" he fired into the air with an invisible gun.


	13. She's Not There When I Need Her

**Excerpt:**

**_"I don't want you to always be there," I said, staring at her. "But I want you to be there sometimes without work cutting in."_ **

**_"I'm sorry," she said suddenly in a shaky voice. Through parted lips, she breathed. Her chest heaved. "I'm so sorry. I'm such a...fuck up." She wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands. "Emma, I'm possibly the worst girlfriend anyone could ever have. Ever," she croaked._ **

**_"No, you're not," I said, tears filling my eyes._ **

**_"Yes."_ **

**_"No," I inched closer._ **

* * *

"But it's all so childish," Chad noted, lighting the gas lamps one by one and placing them around the house. The yellow light bounced around the walls and made me feel somewhat better. "Threatening your family?"

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart," Regina held me closer, our empty plates resting on the small table, "no harm will come to your parents. I'll see to it."

"How?" I stared up at her, still a bit frightened. "What will you do?"

"Just leave it to me and Mally." She pressed a kiss onto my forehead, caressing my hair. "Mally's husband is the Chief of Police in New York. He has a way of making things happen and as much as she sets out to threaten me, I have a tankful of mother's weaknesses."

"The karma box?" Chad turned to her and raised his eyebrows.

"Yes."

I frowned. "Karma box?"

"She has this hidden stash, stuff in soft copy to bring down Dazzle if it comes to that," Chad explained. "Mom's been forehead deep inside their shitty operations for years and can shut anything down easily."

"I have a few tricks in my hat to play if she wants to threaten the two of you. Her affairs with several men have never remained hidden by me. The deals she signed for Dazzle just from sleeping with various people."

"Yeah but blackmail is the last resort," I said calmly. "Like you said, let's not stoop to her level and behave wildly."

"Emma, this has nothing to do with lowering our self respect," Regina said in her husky voice, "this has to do with her threatening you boldly. And I will not stand for it."

"To be honest," I sighed, "no one can really find my parents, you know."

"How so?" Chad sat on a single cushioned green chair and reached for his plate of lasagna.

"My dad's a cop and some years back, he locked up a man from a drug cartel. One thing led to the other and we had our lives threatened. So what happened is this, and I can't tell you much because my family comes first and what not. But they don't actually live in Storybrooke. They moved a long time ago and we still put our address as Storybrooke, Maine."

I didn't want Regina to think she wasn't my family or Chad but the thing is, I really treasured my parents and didn't want anyone to know of our scheme.

"I respect your privacy," Regina said softly, "but if it comes to a point where your life is threatened, Emma, I will have to know more."

I nodded. "Sure."

"Because I don't want your parents or you to get hurt, understood?"

"Yeah," I curled up my feet under me and moved closer to her. "I think Chad would give in easily if someone tortures him with a feather, so I don't want to say more right now."

"Now wait a minute," he dramatized an offensive look, "I'll have you know, I'm a Marine. A proud one."

"Who shied away from the exercise courses with the excuse of cramps," Regina smirked.

"Somehow it worked," he blinked.

I laughed. "Cramps?"

"Look, they all got onto me by the second week and knew I was gay. So I acted like the girl they all believed me to be. Good thing the Sergeant had the hots for me." He licked his fork and smiled. "Got out of a lot of practices because of him."

"Everywhere he goes," Regina explained, "he befriends authority and brings out the gay in the person. It's rather funny to watch."

"I'd like to see you bring out the gay in my Commercial Law lecturer," I sighed, eyes lowered, "he's a pain in the ass. Everyone knows he's gay and he bitches on gay rights as if it's terrorism."

"I must meet this man," Chad piped up, "give me a name."

"Better yet," I tapped on my phone, "I could show you his Facebook profile, if you want."

"Gimme! But wait," he sat back down, "I'm already working on a project at the moment."

"You mean Killian?" I smiled, "how's that going?"

"Well for starters, he's totally into me but giving me a hard time. Just like any closeted dude would."

Very soon, the conversation slipped to Henry's wild friends and Regina was astounded by their defensiveness.

"That lady though," Chad held an invisible gun and fired it in the air, "what a woman!"

"Plus her crooked teeth scared the hell out of me!" I confessed, smiling at Regina, "her teeth looked like fangs. With these huge...beady eyes." I made circles with my fingers the size of Oreos.

"The Cowgirl," he said in a voice as if narrating a trailer, "from Texas. With fangs that could make a grown man scream like a little girl."

Regina remained silent and listened. As she always did. Allowing Chad and I to carry on for a long time without intruding unless we pulled her in. She was that conserved and quiet. Never too talkative, possibly only around me. It was always a lot of teasing around me. But when more than two people were around, her mouth was sealed and those brown eyes spoke volumes.

After we had a good amount of conversation, Chad stayed up to watch some television and Regina and I went in to take a shower. The water was warm and perfect. And by the time she hopped in, I was drowning in the warming sensation gushing over my body. Slipping in behind me, I felt warm hands snake around my waist. Automatically, I moved into her whilst she lowered her fingers to seek out between my legs. Turning slightly, our mouths met and I kissed her through the sprinkling of water coming down from the shower.

"I love you so much," she whispered into my left ear, "Emma, I am really and truly in love with you."

"Oh yeah?" I turned around in her arms, attempting to take control.

"Oh no, you don't," brown eyes were on fire and I was pressed onto the green tiled wall. "It's my time to show you how much I appreciated your compassion in me today."

"I can't wait," I hissed into her parted lips as she hoisted me up. My legs wrapped around her soaked body, completely naked. "We've got to keep it down though. Chad might hear."

"Don't worry," Regina moved our hips together and I gasped, eyes wide, "I'll silence your screams with deep, passionate kisses."

And so the lovemaking began. Just like Sunday, she managed to take control and make my mind grow so dizzy, I became weak. So weak, my entire body was melting from her kinked fingers thrusting into me. Over and over again, I was pushed against the wall, my neck was sucked and bitten. My shoulders were taken a hold of and she pushed in hard, over and over again, burying her cries into my wet hair.

The patter of rain above made my skin tingle as a cold wind rushed in through the vents and swirled around us. Biting her right shoulder, I curled up into a comma and held on whilst we both came hard, shaking and breathless.

Reaching between us when my feet met the floor, I gingerly massaged between her legs and felt how wet she was, mixed with the warming water. How in the world someone could be so soft in every single place, I had no idea. But everywhere my fingers walked, Regina's body was as smooth as velvet. Turning her around, I wrapped an arm around her midsection and delved lower. She immediately grew weaker when I began to feel my way inside of her. Hot and breathless, I lathered her soft breasts and made love to her without stopping.

Even when the soap had drained down the pipes and the shower was turned off, we tumbled onto the bed and twisted between our soft towels. The green sheets were lightly kissed with dampness whilst I moved on top of her until she had to muffle her screams into a deep kiss. Over and over again we collided and crashed, our hands buried between each other and thrusting deeper and deeper. Feeling how she closed around my fingers and tightened just near the edge. And when she was about to let go, I pulled her up and wrapped my legs around a soft body that was already glistening with sweat. Black hair matted, Regina shook in my arms and we rocked out the waves of pleasure together.

"Yes," I hissed, completely breathless and very weak, "yes, I love you. Over and over again."

Running her fingers through my hair, her parted lips met mine and our chests heaved. "Swannn." She shook in my arms and brown eyes were filled with tears. "You're going to drive me completely...insane."

Pressing kisses onto her nose and cheeks, she proceeded to dry my hair. Then after sitting at the window forever just to allow the wind to catch my wet mass of blonde, I retreated to bed. Regina pulled me closer and moaned, fingers seeking out my boobs beneath the sheets. The rain fell that night and somehow, the drops hitting a zinc roof was a glorious sound. It was like a haunting melody that immediately chased me into a deep sleep and I remained there until the next morning.

We went horseback riding.

It was awesome, so awesome, I almost fell off the horse from behind her. Because really and truly, holding onto Regina whilst a freaking horse galloped through the field was more than enough.

Her smell intoxicated me, driving my mind crazy. Apple scented hair and a touch of White Diamond perfume was all I needed to wake up apart from coffee. And there was nothing like the breathless sounds she made as Roisin galloped into the morning sun.

When we returned, the town was sought after for food because Chad was craving Chinese. So we found this little restaurant overlooking a field that stretched for acres and acres and sipped on lemonade and wine. Well, she had her usual red wine then Bourbon. Chad and I had lemonade spiked with Vodka. If you've never tried it, this is all opinion but maybe it was a little too bitter for my taste. However, from the way my male companion gobbled it down, I'd say give it a try.

"Wonder where the flock went," he said, eyeing up a tanned cowboy who stood with his knee bent just near the bar. "Suppose they headed back to L.A."

My eyes met chocolate brown ones and she blinked.

"Well dandy this place is just fabulous," came a familiar voice from the entrance.

When all three of us noted Zelena attached to Robin, my mind was licked by flames. Wearing a green frilly blouse, she had on faded blue jeans. Robin had on a blue shirt and black pants. As if I cared. But when his eyes met mine, a look of surprise washed over a serious face. The guy really had a funny mouth if you ask me. Something about his face was weird looking and I couldn't point it out.

"So much for your predictions," Regina muttered to Chad and sighed, carefully reaching out for her fluke of wine. Swirling the liquid around, she took a sip, eyes focused on me. "Eat up, my love."

I glanced at my plate and realized that the steamed vegetables and beef weren't even halfway gone. Chad stared at his mother as Zelena and Robin chose a table.

"Dude," Chad hissed, "she's pregnant and ordering Whiskey. What a fuck."

"One must occasionally be allowed to deeply embarrass him or herself," Regina noted, smirking. The waiter was staring at Zelena's table, which was just two spots away from us. I was sitting directly in Robin's line of sight. The green witch was facing the opposite way.

He stared me down. And really and truly, all I wanted to do was laugh because this right here, Regina being with me, it was seriously affecting him! I could tell from the way his eyes attempted to burn holes in my head and wondered if he still had feelings for her. Because even if he did, that was an even better excuse to color him as seriously pathetic.

"Look at it in a bright light, mom," Chad said, poking at his beef, eyes lowered, "whilst you're already a highly trained sophisticated lady with many years experience at Dazzle, he now has to train a giddy calf who can't even stand on her legs."

Remaining silent, Regina stared at my plate, lips pursed.

I realized that the whole ordeal was upsetting her. The fact that her sister had been given her position with no qualifications to match up. It was hurtful, really it was, to know to herself that she had worked so hard for that job. And then that good for nothing...calf...as Chad said, she was now sitting in my girlfriend's chair.

"I mean look at her," Chad scowled at his aunt, "from the back, she looks like a doll from from in front, it's like staring at a demon."

"Her boobs are too large," I added.

"So sorry for that baby. Doesn't deserve a mom like that."

"Look, could you shut your mouth?" a man from a table next to us said rudely, "we're trying to say grace here."

Chad gave him a maddening smile. "How about I grace you with a Sanford reference and put one of this," he held out his fist, "across your lips?"

The man with the quaint beard stared back like a deer in the headlights and swallowed.

Suddenly, it happened so fast, Chad and I couldn't control it. One moment she was sitting in front of me sipping her wine. And then just like that, Regina stood up, her face contorted from rage. Brown eyes immediately were ignited as Chad jumped up and stared. She strode towards the table where Robin and Zelena were sitting, fists clenched.

"Oh shit," Chad swallowed.

"I hope you're contented now," Regina hissed, glaring at Robin who sat there, staring up with wide eyes. "I hope you're finally satisfied that you've managed to finance a...treachery...that led to this."

"Really sis, your drama must be dealt with," Zelena said sweetly, elbows resting on the table, "perhaps counseling? Are you keeping up with your sessions?"

Just as her shoulders twitched, I was about to stride over there when Chad grabbed my arm.

"Don't..." he whispered, "not as yet. If there's one thing about her is that she wants to fight her own battles. And this one, it's kind of personal."

I didn't understand.

"We had an agreement," Regina continued, ignoring her sister, "that we'd run my family's empire together. Whether we remained married or not, you made sure of one thing. Ejecting me from my position when you were quite aware of how much that company meant to me."

"Forgive me, mi lady," he said rather curtly, "but you're the one who destroyed your reputation and walked out. No one fired you."

"Well they would have fired her," Zelena said, her voice laced with poison, "all those wild affairs and ridiculous deals -"

"Those deals made Dazzle as successful as it is today!" Regina retorted, her chest heaving. "I don't expect you to understand a word of it since you've never been the smart one to begin with."

"You bitch..." Zelena hissed.

"Actually that's rather funny," Robin said with a smile. He took a sip of his Whiskey and sighed. "Regina, let's not speak about intelligence when your sister is actually fitting your chair quite nicely and -"

"With her fat ass, she is!" piped up a lady from a table not so far away.

We all gawked at the same woman who had lifted the gun and fired into the air. Chad and I stared at her in admiration, like fans.

Regina smirked.

Robin leaned closer to her and said in a low voice, "you're not getting any of those items listed in that statement issued by your soppy excuse for a lawyer." I could hear him well enough. "You're not getting the house. You're not getting the car. Your Mercedes is to either be our property or returned. And your collection of books that took up an entire bloody floor," he glared at her, "I'll throw all of them out because -"

Whoosh!

Chad and I twitched when her hand met his face. But it wasn't a slap. It was a firm hit with a clenched fist. And he toppled backwards, scrambling around him, eyes beady. The stain of Whiskey circled around his crotch and I snorted because she didn't stop there. The toe of her brown, knee high boot met his right side about three times and he curled up into a ball. And if we hadn't stopped her, I think Regina would have destroyed him.

"I don't know what you see in him," she said to her sister, smiling incredulously, "he doesn't even have the package to do the job. A noodle." She held up her pinky finger and curled it, laughing.

"Come on," Chad said, taking a hold of her arm, "that's our bat signal!"

"You psychopathic freak!" Zelena screamed, hustling to stand up but never doing so quickly since she was very pregnant. "I'll report this."

"Report it," Regina said, smirking at her sister, "I'll marvel in the thought of you doing so, you fat, evil, toad."

And after giving Zelena a scornful look, she allowed us to pull her away. My mouth was stuffed with slices of beef. I wasn't going to let good food go to waste!

We chucked her out and into the pickup then Chad sped away down the dirt road, a cloud swirling behind us. I was tempted to keep my arms around her because there was a deadly look in those brown eyes. But I allowed the tiger to enjoy her moment of glory. After all, it appeared as if she had always wanted to do that.

"I thought she was going to neuter him," Chad laughed from the front seat, "one swift kick right between his hairy legs."

"That was my aim," her voice was so hoarse, chest heaving, "and if it wasn't for you...meddling...kids," brown eyes flicked to me. I received the evilest smile ever. "I would have gotten away with it."

"Did she..." his eyes grew wide from the front seat.

I stared back. "She did not just pull a Scooby Doo villain line on us."

"She did!"

As if that day could wind down a bit, it appeared the heat was about to pick up more than ever.

We ended up checking out what little of a town they had with these quaint shops that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Especially when the dudes behind the counters stared at our every move. I mean, picking up an antique clock shouldn't have been an offense. But the guy suddenly placed his gun in plain sight upon the table and glared at me. And when Chad tried to make small talk, in all fun, the old man huffed out like a cow ready to charge.

Getting the hell out of there, I entered a bookstore first and got lost in the aisles. It was like a slice of heaven in all that heat, especially with the cool A.C on, swirling around me. Somehow the Nancy Drew sections in every bookstore always caught my attention first. So I wandered over there and pawed through the familiar titles. The second I was flipping through Mystery At Lilac Inn, I felt eyes on me.

It was like one of those moments when you knew someone was watching but you didn't want to look up. And after the town had displayed it's serious behavior in new folks in town, I didn't want to make eye contact with anyone. However, heels clicked. I was approached and I knew it wasn't Regina.

"Folks round here don't take such deep interest in books most times," she drawled in her Texas accent. Lifting my eyes, I noted a red head standing next to me with the most gorgeous pair of gray eyes ever.

Hell yeah I believed in witches and pixies and gypsies and she looked like a mythical creature from a tale. I smiled politely and returned to idly flipping through the book.

"Name's Gianna," she said softly, offering me a hand.

I took it and liked her denim skirt. She had on a long sleeved red shirt that was tied at the front to expose skin. Lots of it. "I'm Emma," I said.

"So I saw you come in," she toed the ground, "and knew you weren't from here. New face and all."

"Yeah I'm actually from New York," I replied with a smile still, "just here for a funeral."

"Oh Henry Mills' funeral?" I turned to her and gray eyes were widened.

"Yep."

"Was he your family?"

I inhaled. "Yeah." The place was so quiet, I loved it. "You work here?"

"Ya," she winked at me and jerked her chin to the front desk, "my dad owns the place."

"Sweet," I was wondering where the hell was Regina and Chad. "I'd love to own a bookstore."

"Gets kind of boring most days, but it's where the money comes from. I just want to move to another city and start a life."

"I know the feeling. Independence, huh?"

"Ya, away from your parents. Getting to do what you want..."

"It's actually pretty awesome to live on your own except for the bills and stuff," I admitted, turning to her. "Plus most times I'm busy studying for college and there's no me time."

"What you studying?" she seemed to be moving in too close and I stepped back but barely, keeping a smile plastered on my face.

"Business Management. A degree." I shrugged. "Next month marks the beginning of my final year."

"I'm more inclined to engineering," Gianna shocked me by saying.

I stared back. "That's..."

"Not really for gals, I know..."

"No, no," I shook my head and frowned. "That's not what I meant. I mean, it takes brains and stuff and once you're aimed on studying it then you must be really smart." I smiled, just to show that sarcasm wasn't implied. "Have you been reading up?"

"Oh more than ever," she was suddenly excited, "but then life happens and I kind of stray away."

"Lemme guess," I blinked, "you're not really a bookie but you love to hang out and stuff."

"Exactly, plus I'll be twenty five next month and we're not really getting younger, are we?" She hunched her shoulders and laughed.

"Definitely not getting younger. I usually try to enjoy it whilst I can but I'm not the party kind. I'm more...bookie than...party."

We both laughed. She asked me how long I was staying in Texas and I said until that night. Our flight was at nine pm. Somehow it was her brilliant idea to invite me to a get together in a ranch not far away. I told her I'd think about it and shrugged it off as having other plans and being a bookie. By the time we were talking about New York and all its thrills, pretty brown eyes finally showed herself and came towards us.

"Hi," she said softly, tucking dark hair behind an ear and smiling. "I'm so sorry we lost you. But I met one of my father's friends outside." She gestured with her thumb. Regina's eyes flicked to my new acquaintance.

"Oh, this..." I said turning to the red head, "is Gianna. Her dad owns the store."

They shook hands and something passed in those gray eyes. Regina rested her hand upon my back. There was an awkward silence and I didn't know how in the world she got onto me but Gianna smiled.

"It's nice meeting new folks in town," she chose to say. "Hope you enjoy your stay."

"Thank you," Regina said. She pressed her lips to my left ear, "I'll be in the magazine section." And after smiling at Gianna one more time, the heels of her boots clicked away.

The silence continued. I hate silence like this. But I love silence in bookstores.

"So," Gianna said, staring at me, "you could have told me you have a girlfriend."

"I..." frowning, my head was shaken, "...wasn't asked, I guess." Shrugging, she was stared at.

"Isn't she too old for you though?"

"Why do you say that?" I pushed the book into the shelf and avoided her eyes.

"She's Henry's daughter. I've heard about her. I've seen her picture in the newspaper. She's some big glamorous boss. Divorced and a black widow from what I heard."

"That's what the media says," I said smiling at her and scrunching up my face, "and the media is known for telling lies."

"Yeah but she's like over fifty, isn't she?" Gianna pointed out.

"The funny thing about me is that I don't like wine but I admire it." My thumbs were hooked into the pockets of my jeans. "See, it tastes even better when it ages. And I kind of love that."

"So you're the type to date older women then."

"Actually no, there's only one."

She laughed. And somehow when we parted, I could feel those gray eyes burning into the back of my neck. I hadn't rubbed her well. Most likely the traffic to flow through the store throughout the day would receive the nitty gritty on Regina dating a 'kid' as Cora put it. And frankly, I didn't care.

Kay suddenly didn't want to talk to either of us. She came to retrieve her bags from the ranch whilst we were now heading back and strode out without a word. Apparently Chad had sinned his soul some time between yesterday evening and this morning. From the way he beamed at her, I knew that they had exchanged words. And Regina stared at her daughter as she hopped neatly into the cab.

"Glad to see that you sided with him!" Chad yelled and laughed. "Easier prediction than the fucking weather."

"I'm not siding with anyone, you twisted fuck," Kay said through the window.

"Hey!" Regina scolded them sternly, "quit using that kind of foul language!"

"Don't blame it on me," Kay returned with a smile. "Blame it on yourself because every time you and daddy had your little quarrels, I picked up a few to color my vocabulary."

"Where are you going?" Regina stepped to the car, but Kay's eyes flicked back inside. "To L.A?"

"No, mother," she said sarcastically, "I'm going somewhere even better where no family exists and all I have is my fiance and my future life ahead of me." Then rolling up the window, the car backed out.

"Ron," Chad shook his head and snorted. Scowling, Regina playfully slapped behind his head. "Ouch!" he squeaked. "Mom!"

"I told you to behave yourself."

"I did!" he chased after her like a little boy whilst we headed to the house. "I behaved myself! She was the one who used bad words. Not me."

Whilst we were packing that evening, somehow the truth came out and I really wasn't expecting it. But like they always say, the tables could turn. So as she folded her lace underwear and placed them in a plastic bag neatly, Regina voiced her suspicions.

"Gianna seems...like a nice young woman."

Sitting on the bed, I remained silent, folding up a pair of black pants.

"I mean, my gaydar..." she began in that hoarse voice, "as it works gloriously now, completely detected her rainbow colors."

"Yeah?" I pushed the folded pants into my yellow bag.

"Didn't yours?" She peered at me, still folding.

I shrugged. "At first I didn't know...but then when you came and went, she started talking about my girlfriend and you being in the news and stuff."

She waited. Somewhere outside a horse whinnied. "And?"

"So I guess my gaydar woke up then," I admitted.

"Perhaps if she had...flirted with you in the beginning then..."

"Then what?" I turned to her and stared.

Regina smiled, "then you would have known directly. In all fun and games, that is. I mean nothing to be said in a sarcastic way, or to intentionally create drama."

I sighed. Zipping up my yellow Hello Kitty pouch with my deodorant and stuff, I tossed it into the bag. "Seems like ever since I started to date you, I've been leaking rainbows or sweating glitter."

"Women are coming onto you?" she tilted her head and smiled, brown eyes softened.

"Yeah!" I sat upon the bed, shoulders hunched. "Kind of like you turning on a switch or something. And the itchy part is, I don't want anyone to hit on me. It makes me feel...weird and uncomfortable when they cross the friend zone and raise red flags."

"All you have to do is to simply say that you're already committed and quite contented."

"I've tried that," I admitted with a frown. "They take it as a challenge or something."

"Well there's no challenge there," she read my mind, pressing those tube perfumes onto her wrists and rubbing them together. "I've already pierced your innermost layer."

"See when you talk like that," I said gazing at her, "I just want to do things to you."

Brown eyes widened. "Quite a sudden declaration, is it not?"

"I mean, even when you're married and you wear a ring, there are these particular kind of people that find it necessary to flirt." I sighed. "Do I look gay?" Our eyes met and she seemed intrigued. "Do I? Do I have a...gay...look?"

"Is there any such thing as a...gay...look?" Regina pressed her clothes down and zipped up her red, leather bag.

"If there is then there's me." I shrugged.

"No, my love," she sat next to me neatly, our shoulders pressed together. "There isn't a gay look that etches itself onto you. Perhaps the way you walk would signal a manly streak and your mode of dressing but..."

Eyes widening, I turned to stare at her. "Crap."

"There's nothing to worry about. Just send up the Swan signal and I'll immediately come to your rescue. Although I trust you enough to handle such situations on your own. As you did today."

"Because you could have stayed and acted all protective over me. But you left," I remembered, studying her face. "You didn't even care."

"See how far I've come?" she tilted her head and smiled at me. "When there was a time when I was severely insecure about someone stealing you away from me. Now I am quite contented and firm on my belief that there is only me. And only I am worth the entire world to you."

"You already know this so well," I said softly, resting our foreheads together, my eyes fluttering close. "No one can compare to you."

"Not even Sandra Bullock," she whispered hoarsely.

"Not even her."

"Nor Jennifer Aniston..." she chuckled.

"I'm not into blondes. I'm into brunettes with chocolate brown eyes, the new V.P of Flames with a smoking body and Mills as her last name."

Pressing our lips together, she took a hold of my shoulders and softly kissed me. I welcomed it like a kiss of fresh air in that scorching hot weather. Raking her fingers through my hair, she moved in closer and tilted my head upwards. Sucking on my bottom lip and tasting my jawline. Very soon, I darted to the door and turned the lock. Then returning, my knees met the ground.

She stared at me in wild fascination when I pushed her red, knee high dress upwards. Crawling closer, I gently pulled down her black tights and then felt the delicious lace underneath. Regina leaned back upon her elbows and shook dark hair about, lips parted, staring at me.

So it was my turn to do exactly what she did that Sunday night.

I parted her legs and dove in like a pro. It was amazing, using my mouth on her and feeling exactly how she twisted in my grasp. Squirming, hips jerking up to meet the flick of my tongue. She was so soft and wet, so wet already, I wondered if I always managed to make her feel this way about me. Because if that was the case then the reaction was mutual. That uncomfortable feeling between your legs that must be taken care of, except when it happened in the middle of work.

Throwing herself back onto the bed, her body convulsed as she came hard. The heels of her hands digging into the sheet and balling it up. Toes pointed. I didn't stop but continued sucking until those waves of pleasure returned but fiercer, making her gasp, brown eyes wide. Then climbing on top of her, my fingers finished off the job by working their way inside and twisting in a tormenting fashion. Very soon, she was so dizzy, Regina remained breathless upon the bed about half an hour after.

Completing the packing, I smiled at her heaving chest, right hand pressed upon a damp forehead.

"Juliet," I sang, "wake thee up, for the hour hast come to depart this quaint town and return to our homes."

"Emma, I think I need to...replace my...batteries," she panted, her legs dangling off the side of the bed.

I laughed and went to pull her up. "Will food do the job?"

"No," she weakly stood up and gazed at me, completely melting my heart. "Stay close to me. I'll charge myself up in no time."

"Oh babe," I said, smiling at her. "My little darling lady, ain't you a darling."

Eyebrows shot up. "Well apparently Texas has possessed you, sweetheart."

"Apparently." I pulled her along.

Very soon, we had drifted into our regular work mode and the same thing began to haunt me. It was the constant late nights and meetings that always dotted her days and nights. Come to think of it, Regina was wired to take on that kind of pressure and just sitting down for five minutes was looked on as totally unaccepted by her. Most times, she was always locked away in her office with the little busy icon signaling that the line was forever on a call.

One time I had to drop in a spreadsheet and she didn't even look up at me. Which kind of stung because we hadn't seen each other since the morning before and it was almost as if I didn't exist. Or I wasn't important. Or I wasn't that effective. My presence wasn't felt.

The visits to Larry obviously stopped and just when I was rejoicing over him getting the signal, it happened. I mean, it's not like a big thing to wail over and throw a tantrum. But you know, I was just heading to University early one afternoon to sign up for a course when her door was pushed open by Barbara, the personal assistant. And my eyes all of a sudden rested on my supervisor sitting in the red cushioned chair in front of her. And he was laughing, his eyes sparkling.

Of course I shrugged it off. I went to campus that afternoon, met up with the guys and hung out. Then I headed home. Well, to my apartment because like I said before, we didn't move in together at that point. Which didn't bother me sometimes because heck, if she wanted her privacy this much then I'd surely give it to her. If she wanted to get home and never return my call sometimes, I wasn't going to fume and fuss over it. My new semester was about to start in a week and I was more than prepared to take my G.P.A from 3.2 to at least 3.4 to manage a Pass with Distinction.

No one, and I mean no one was going to fuck that up for me. That's how serious I was with my grades. And that's why the guys and I became friends. They were very focused on their degrees. Especially Killian, he was doing two Degrees at once. All three of them were industrious and really smart. We helped one another. We understood when an exam was coming up, that hanging out meant prepping the other person with questions. That's how I coped through three years. Having them drill me on stuff, and having Neal tutor me in Economics and Accounts.

But apparently she was as focused on her job as I was in my studies because not even me came in front of Flames. We'd be on a call and she'd disconnect me to speak to someone at the office. Look, it would hurt your ego a bit if that happened to you. Especially if you're chin deep in feels in the conversation and she suddenly cuts it.

So for me it's like this. The week before I get my period, I'm super emotional and sensitive. It reaches a point where people don't mean anything bad by their comments. But I end up crying and magnifying the statements. The first day of my period, it was Monday and I had my first class. I can honestly tell you that from the impression of my first lecture, final year looked like a flaming monster ready to burn me alive.

Financial Management was seriously the hardest course I had ever done in my life. And the part that pissed me off was the lecturer's constant lamentations pertaining to us being final year students and already being expected to know most of what was to come.

Flipping through Neal's text book he lent me, I had no freaking idea what they had been teaching me for the three years behind. It was like reading another language with the amount of formulas and statistics I saw. Suddenly, my eyes began to burn and I wanted to cry because I couldn't mess up a course that year. I couldn't accept anything else other than As. And I promised mom and dad that I'd graduate with a Distinction.

Always being the perfect daughter, that's what eventually happens to you. To be honest, if mom had disagreed with my sexuality, I would have cried for a whole week. It's like I always wanted to make them proud of me. To always be good with good grades and stuff. And here was Financial Management, ready to fight me to the finish. I felt so hopeless all of a sudden. And I didn't know why.

I tried calling her and was sent straight to voicemail.

"Hey," my voice shook, "um, can you pick up? Please? I really...need you right now, okay? I need to talk to you. So can you just...answer me this once? Because I...need you." And the message reached it's limit.

Walking out of campus that night with Killian, the wind stung my cheeks and I suddenly began to cry.

"What. Mate?" he turned to me and stopped.

Lifting my hand, I covered my face, shoulders hunched.

"Aw," Killian pulled me in. I was hugged whilst he caressed my hair slowly. "Whatever is the matter, love?"

"Everything," I said ridiculously, "every single thing."

"Now, now," he brought my face to the front and our eyes met. "Don't say that. You have quite the majority of good wishes on your side. Why would you attempt to feel so discouraged?"

I sniffed and he led me to a stone bench just under a tree. It was already dark and the campus lights were on, dotting the area and casting shadows around the place.

Telling him about my final struggle with my GPA came first. I said that I was just too anxious and terrified. People moved around us and very soon Neal came to sit on the bench. My face was studied and he immediately peppered me with questions.

"Dude, you're going to do this," he said, resting a hand on my lap and leaning in. "Emma, don't let one course let you lose hope. We'll help you pass it."

"With an abundance of effort," Killian smiled at me.

"I managed to get an A with Samuel during the summer, two years ago. But now you guys have the fox." He looked at Killian. "What's her name again?"

"Miss Karen Betts," I said, playing with the strap on my yellow backpack.

"Yep," Neal nodded. "Tall, blonde, powerful body, blue eyes."

"She reminds me of you, actually," Killian admitted with a smile. "An older version."

"Except she's hotter," Neal teased.

"Oh shut up," I punched him and grinned.

A group passed us laughing. We gazed at them for awhile.

"Anyway, so she has tutorials like three times a week, and the good thing about these MNG courses is that you can attend all the tutorials. Plus they're after five. So fit yourself in."

"I'm going to go home and start reading this book," I said and sighed, head lowered as I clutched the thick volume. "Hopefully my brain likes it."

"It's not accounts. It's not economics. It's different and you'll love it. Trust me. Just focus your mind on liking it really intensely and you'll master it." Neal patted me on the back.

"Funny but the only time I really adore a subject is when I adore the teacher."

Killian and Neal shared a look and smiled at each other.

"So...maybe Regina will get some competition with Miss Betts?"

It was my turn to punch Killian. I scowled. "No. No way."

Somehow there are little signs to warn you about a storm coming. The thing is, I never expected one to begin with because we never had one since we were committed. There was that one time when she ordered me out her office. And okay, there was the other time at the pool. But that was it. We had been too mushy together for so long.

When I got home and parked my car, the first thing I noticed was her bike parked outside. At first I was like, oh great, she finally wants to hang out with me even when this afternoon was so packed. First work then university, classes ending at eight. So I got in, I hammered on the elevator and was told it wasn't working. The stairs were climbed.

You could imagine how frustrated I was already.

With her back pressed to my door, there she was, arms folded. She was not in her work clothes which was surprising to me because usually at this time, a call engaged her. Instead, the simple blue, short sleeved shirt she had on with a pair of black jeans made me think that she wanted to go out. That was until I saw the scowl on her face.

"Hey," I got out my keys and heard my neighbor's heavy rock music hammering away four doors down.

Regina stayed where she was and didn't smile. "Hey."

Frowning, I studied her face and pushed the key in the lock. She stared at me as if waiting on something to be said and I realized that I didn't know what the hell to say. Somehow my mood wasn't helping. My emotions were raw and instantly I kept remembering her work piling a wall of bricks between us. Getting the door open, I went in and deposited my keys onto the desk. I tugged off my red leather jacket, moved to the fridge and did so slowly, flexing my fingers. A beer was taken from the shelf. I twisted the cap off and sipped, my back to her.

Heels clicked upon the floor and stopped.

"Are you avoiding me?" she asked hoarsely.

I was stunned. No literally, I was. To a point where I could have laughed internally except that my feelings were biting away inside my chest.

"What? No. I'm not." Taking out a bowl of potato salad I had made about a week ago that lasted long, a plate was dished out. Licking the fork, I studied her brown boots instead. "Why would you think that I am?"

"Oh I don't know," she flung her arms out, eyes wide, "no visits, no calls, not even a text. Added to that, you pass me straight at work."

"Huh?" I frowned at her. Shaking my head, I blinked. "When have I passed you by at work?"

"Three times," she marked, moving to lean against the chair back neatly, facing me. "And possibly more. As if I'm invisible suddenly. Because yes," she nodded, "we agreed to keep distance at work. But this has become quite...hurtful."

"First of all," I said, my throat aching, "I've been the one calling you every single night and always getting the busy tone. And when I do get onto you, you disconnect me because of something work related."

"In my defense, my new job is quite stressful and really time consuming," she held up her hands.

"Just as the previous one," I noted without skipping a beat. "It's not the job. It's you."

Regina seemed taken aback by my remark and blinked. "What...does...that...mean exactly?"

"It means," I cradled my plate in my right arm and took the beer up with the left, eyes lowered, "that it's in your DNA or something to always be buried deep in your work. I never complain." I shrugged and moved to the chair. She turned to look at me, still staring.

"Emma, work is work."

"And secondly, there's...us," I avoided her eyes and sat down upon the ground, tears clouding my eyes.

She couldn't see my face. She really couldn't and I didn't know whether to feel relieved about that or not.

"It's like you're married to your work most times. And it's okay really. Because I understand how passionate you are about it. But you've got to realize that most times when I need you, you're...not..." I swallowed. "You're not there."

"Emma," her voice was huskier now as she came to the front of the chair and stood there. "Sweetheart, don't think that way."

I shrugged and blindly reached up to wipe my eyes, my lips trembling. "The last time we were together was...close to a week ago," I reminded her. "We had dinner together."

Getting down onto the floor gracefully, she sat with her legs folded under. I still didn't look at her because I was crying. And no matter how close someone was to me, I didn't want them to see me crying. I hardly cried.

"I don't expect you to understand," I continued, already really on a roller coaster of feels, "I don't really expect a lot. Which is why I've always been staying away when you seem to want me to."

"I've never wanted you to stay away," she said softly. "Never."

"Yeah?" I rolled my eyes. "If I were to walk in on you in a conference call over the phone or something, you'd wave me off. So don't even."

"Emma, I am sorry but my meetings are quite...important."

"And I'm not more important?" I stared at her, my eyes wet.

She sent me an astonished look. "Of course you're more important! Why would you even ask that?"

"Have you ever taken yourself out of a meeting just because I called and wanted you?" I asked, my beer sweating upon the floor.

"You've never suggested that it was that serious -"

"I don't have to suggest it!" I cried, my chest heaving, "I don't. I'm sorry for yelling but I'm not okay. Right now, I'm not," I stared at the ground and shook. "I'm not okay. And I'm not angry at you but I don't know how to feel."

She remained silent. I couldn't look at her still.

"I've never been with someone before, okay? I don't know how it works. But I've seen my parents since I was younger, how they loved each other so much. When mom would call to ask dad to come home because she wasn't feeling right, he'd leave everything and just...go home. And when she didn't even say it, he'd leave everything and do anything for her. He was a Sheriff, for crying out loud," I couldn't stop. "He's now a Lieutenant and if he's working a big case, he'd drop everything to find her when she wanted him."

Without looking, I saw when her hands were lifted. She covered her face.

"I don't want you to always be there," I said, staring at her. "But I want you to be there sometimes without work cutting in."

"I'm sorry," she said suddenly in a shaky voice. Through parted lips, she breathed. Her chest heaved. "I'm so sorry. I'm such a...fuck up." She wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands. "Emma, I'm possibly the worst girlfriend anyone could ever have. Ever," she croaked.

"No, you're not," I said, tears filling my eyes.

"Yes."

"No," I inched closer.

"Please understand that I don't know how to do this quite well," she said, still shielding her eyes. "All my life, I've been entirely buried in work, one way or the other. Through college, and then Dazzle. I don't know how to react at best most times. Which is why," she removed her hands, eyes filled with tears, "I urge you to communicate with me. Robin was right." Her chest heaved. "I'm like a robot."

"Robots don't cry," I said.

The room was suddenly so hot, I was sweating terribly.

"I am really sorry about my behavior, Emma," she said softly, "I have allowed this to spiral out of control. Thank you for pulling me up. From now," she wiped her eyes neatly and nodded, "as I know definitely that you are in most need of me completely, I'll tear myself away from conferences and calls and -"

"I don't need you all the time," I interrupted, "just sometimes when it's really important."

"Then why don't you tell me this during the call?" she gazed at me, her shirt bunched up around her waist.

"Because I don't want to be intrusive and needy."

"Emma, you can never, ever be intrusive or too needy to me," she said hoarsely. "Anytime you require me fully, please say so."

"I thought that we had this connection and I didn't have to ask you," I confessed, my chest aching. "That you'd hear it in my voice and know immediately. But apparently I was wrong."

"No," she began to shake her head, "don't speak like that."

"Even through the phone, it doesn't work." I picked up my plate and didn't feel hungry anymore but the salad was poked at. "And the most hurtful part is, I know that your job is more important -"

"Emma..."

"Because you can't just take yourself out of a call," I continued, "so it doesn't make any difference. I'll just learn to live with it, hoping that my life doesn't depend on you staying on the line with me. Because then I'd..." I choked on a sob, completely losing myself.

Emma!" she cried. "Stop that!"

"Marry your work and forget about marrying me," I said hoarsely, tears leaking down my cheeks.

"Stop," she said, tears clouding her eyes. "Emma, stop speaking like that. Please."

Pushing my plate onto the floor, I shook. "I'm sorry." Getting up weakly, I went around the chair. "I can't do this right now." My voice trembled.

"Emma!" she obviously got up and was coming after me but I managed to reach the washroom fast enough and locked myself in it.

Rapping on the door, Regina wouldn't stop calling my name. Over and over again she asked me to open up and I just sat upon the toilet with my face buried into my hands and cried. Call me emotional and a freak all you want. Call me a baby and a hormonal teenager. But I had a right to have a weak moment just like the Sunday she wanted to go to Larry's eat out. I'm allowed to collapse. I have my reasons and the thing that bothered me the most was that fact that she seemed to didn't know when I needed her.

I remember the times I'd call and when she'd tell me about a call, my first response was 'oh crap, do you have to go?' She told me yeah, and sometimes I would be like 'but I really want to talk to you'. And she still managed to leave me. Now tonight when I wanted her, I got the busy signal. Coming here, I wondered if she had ever listened to my voicemail at all. Most likely not.

"Why are you shutting me out?" she said through the door and rapped twice. "Emma please, let me in."

I sobbed and grew cold.

"I want..." her voice faltered, "I want to hold you right now. Please." She begged, her voice growing hoarser. "Open the door."

"Go away," I finally said, "I'm not worth it."

"Yes you are!" she cried from the other side. "You're worth...everything to me! How can you think like that? It is beyond me that you would believe otherwise when you know how much I am..." I heard her sob and my heart cracked. "I'm so in love with you, Emma. This hurts. I'd...quit my job for you. I'd do anything. Just tell me...what do you want me to do?"

I remained silent and scrubbed my eyes with the heels of my palms. This was like a repetition of that Sunday. All over again. I was doing it again and I hated myself for it. This was my fault. All of it. I was behaving like a baby. So now you can hate me for it. Because I'm the fuck up, not her.

"I'll leave then," she said in a small voice, "I'll...just go."

There was silence for like fifteen minutes and I wiped my eyes with tissues. Then just like that, I heard something hit the ground outside the door. I grew so cold, my head became a block of ice. Immediately jumping up, I raced to the door and stared at the knob. Then unlocking it, I pulled it open fast and stared outside.


	14. Then She Tries To Win Me Back

**Excerpt:**

**_"Shhh!" she pressed fingers onto my lips and moved in closer, her eyes squeezed shut. "Oh dear."_ **

**_"What happened?" I allowed myself to be hugged so tightly, there was no way of breathing._ **

**_"Look behind me," she whispered, pressing our cheeks together, "near the chair. Are you looking?"_ **

**_"I...am...looking," my eyes searched the interior and I saw nothing that jumped out._ **

**_"Do you see it?"_ **

**_"Do I see what?"_ **

**_"Noo," she rubbed our faces together and pressed me further into the door. "Please, please, please, get rid of it. I can't do it this time."_ **

**_Immediately, I realized what was happening. A roach had flown or crawled into her apartment again._ **

* * *

There she was sitting on the floor, hugging her knees and facing me. Blue shirt the color of the afternoon sky was creased. Black pants. Face buried into shaky hands, Regina was crying. She was shaking and I couldn't forgive myself. I couldn't understand what could cause me to do this. To break the silence and shatter the glass.

Yeah it was flimsy to begin with. The last few days had been filled with nothing but tension. Coming home and never having her there. And now she was shaking on the floor, curled up like a comma. Crying hoarsely.

Standing there, my eyes wet and wide and I stared.

I didn't move.

I was so weak already, my head spinning, the room turning over. It was like having a bad night out on the town, drinking cheap alcohol and munching on Skittles. Then coming home and throwing up until you were drained of all energy. Frustrated and wide eyed. Lacking sleep and already looking like a zombie.

Suddenly, her cellphone rang. From her jeans pocket, I stared at it as the device played a tune that was always catchy to me. I'd hear it anywhere and instantly be reminded of the one person who was refusing to answer her mobile. It was something she never did. Regina never allowed her phone to ring after a couple seconds. It was always answered without hesitation, no matter where we were or what the hell was happening.

But now, the tune filled the air and I was compressed with dread. I was so confused and there was no way this was going to work out well for us tonight unless something was done.

What did I do?

As shaky as I was, my boots acted on their own and led me to the bedroom. Just like that, I passed her by, a ringing in my ears. My fingers as cold as ice. Then throwing myself upon the bed that was somehow warmer than me, my face was buried into the pillow.

The ringing continued.

Over and over again.

It never stopped.

Would you believe that I passed out not more than half an hour after? Sleep came to me as black as the night high up above New York city. Above the dancing lights and pulsing music drifting out from clubs, above people rushing around on the streets, out to have a great time, my mind was as black as the sky. It was as if someone had dropped me into a tank filled with thick fluid because there were no dreams. Nothing happened. All I remembered was a heavy silence that filled my head and blanked me out.

When I woke up the next morning, it didn't feel like Tuesday. It felt like Sunday because first of all, there was no sound. Just the humming of the A.C unit next door and the blinding sunlight cascading into the room. Shielding my eyes, my ears still rang and it took some time before the actual sounds of a busy early morning graced the silence.

I was so stiff, nothing reacted when my mind asked for movement.

On top of that, it was after eight and yeah, I was late for work.

As shaky as I am right now, I can't even relate everything in detail because that's how it was for me. It was like swimming through a freaking tank. Everything muffled and so upsetting, my head began to hurt.

Getting into the shower was a pain by itself because I stood like ten minutes staring at the wall where she had been last night. Curled up just there. It was like her ghost remained, and the sound of sobbing somehow filled the air like a haunting tune. Just like the ring of her cellphone and the smell of White Diamond perfume. All of it remained. Every single thing about her was embedded in my mind. Even the way she cried out my name and demanded that I open the door.

I don't know how the hell I managed to get to work, but a taxi was taken.

The guys looked at me silently when I slipped into my cubicle and signed the time sheet. Never asking questions but worrying.

I knew they were thinking about me. Even Peter reared his head to gaze in my direction a couple of times. And by the time I settled down and opened up a spreadsheet, it was after nine. Of course Larry was suspicious and he had a right to be. Coming over, I was quietly asked what happened. Oh the urge in me to tell him to fuck off was like right on the tip of my tongue. But biting it in, I sighed and swallowed. I simply said that I wasn't feeling well, it felt like the flu and he went away.

Honestly, if I can tell you one thing, it's that focusing on work can work wonders.

By concentrating on the task at hand, and that was sorting through figures, checking up on customer records, I eventually drifted into another zone. It was like slowly letting go of the anguish welled up inside of me and drowning my attention into the computer screen. The sound of keys tapping became soothing. The ring of the telephone and the courteous replies, the sound of the printer, someone photocopying a document; all of it was like a drug. Especially when Larry turned up his radio a bit, alternative music drifted around the department and Peter's out of tune singing made me smile.

Exactly at ten, the door whispered open and I didn't even look up. Most times, it was like a reflex action for most of us. To rear our heads and check out who was entering the room. But not me. Not that time. I was searching for a customer's number, to call about her subscription and if she wanted to renew it. Well, not IF she wanted to, but my job was to persuade her to renew it. That was all about marketing. To lure the fish back in and to convince them that the next issue would have exactly what they were looking for. It appeared, as I scrolled through her interests, that Maggie liked knitting. She was a 65 year old woman from India. There was no picture of course. Just basic information they usually provided when fulling up a small card for a subscription.

I was in the process of dialing her number when a yellow cup of coffee was rested next to my mouse pad. Staring at it, the sight of red painted nails made my heart freeze up and curl into a fist. Never knowing how I managed to look up, it was done and there she was.

Forgetting how to breathe, we stared at each other.

"Good morning," she said hoarsely, not a smile on her face.

My throat closed up and nothing could be said. Everyone was staring. And when I say everyone, I mean like all twelve dudes plus Larry. Well Clarke didn't count because she was a dude too. Resting an arm upon the top of the cubicle, she stared at me and I felt my eyes sting. Everything grew colder. My skin prickled. My toes because little stubs of ice and then Regina turned around.

She walked away without saying a word to anyone else.

Managing to get a glimpse of her outfit, I can describe it as a black tailored dress, knee length. A yellow scarf, my favorite color. Black, dangerously high shoes. Her dark hair was combed back behind her ears without a side part, exposing yellow stud earrings. And she was walked without the usual stiffness, very slow, head lowered.

"What was that about?" Peter wheeled his chair closer to ask.

Danny leaned back to check me out and frowned. "You okay, Emma?"

"Look, now you notice she's not okay?" Peter scowled in his direction. "What kind of boyfriend would you be to any girl?"

"I noticed but I didn't want to say anything," Danny said defensively whilst I wrapped my fingers around the coffee cup. "She's obviously upset and it's best to give a woman some space when that happens."

Peter said nothing and gently patted my back. "Girlfriend problems?"

I shrugged, biting my lips and savoring the actuality of her bringing me coffee. It was something that was capable of making me want to cry because she had never done it before. The boss never really brings anyone coffee. You take coffee to her. That's the way things were done. And for her to do something like this, it was enough to break me down completely.

Getting the message loud and clear, Peter and Danny retreated to their cubicles again without saying a word. Hence, I was left to have my eyes fill with tears and the pain inside of me making my chest as mushy as possible.

When Maggie was called, she was given my softest side. Eventually, I was so open with her, the poor lady felt me through the phone and softened up in return. It actually worked so well for her to renew her subscription, as well as ten other customers I had to call.

The pleading in my voice wasn't as false as most days. Instead it was genuinely offered, and they all got caught in the net, even this dude who was a manager for a bottle factory and had no interests in magazines. He said that he just signed up once to win a car. Now he signed up again because I asked nicely and even though his wife was a bitch, the guy said yeah, she'd want the magazines.

By twelve o'clock, I was ready to go to lunch. Locking my computer, the cup remained there like a special gift or something whilst I picked up my wallet and phone. Then heading to Larry's desk, the time sheet was signed and he smiled wryly at me.

"Do you want to go home early?" the concern in his voice was genuine but I really didn't care.

"Nah, it's okay. I'll push it." Resting down the blue inked pen, I shrugged. "Work keeps me going."

"That's a good thing," he smiled back.

I went out of there without another word.

Well for the most part of it, Babs was having lunch at her desk. As she always did, our 'granny' as the guys referred to her as was attached to the job so much. Leaving that desk was like a sin and never would the chair be vacant for more than fifteen minutes. Neatly biting a slice of carrot, she smiled around it at me whilst I passed by.

"Come here, you," I was addressed. The ringing of telephones continued around us because as it was, most people decided to call places on their lunch breaks.

I approached the desk and glanced at the closed door with the V.P's name in green on a gold plate. "Hey, hey, sexy."

Her cheeks blushed and she set the plastic bowl down carefully, licking her lips. "Oh stop it. Call me gorgeous but not sexy. Only when I'm in my red heels and sequin dresses." Babs winked.

"You tease," I ruffled her graying hair and rested my palms upon the desk that was neatly organized. "What's up?"

"What's happening with you today?" she frowned, studying my face. "I saw you come in late and then the First Lady delivered coffee to someone in your department. I'm hoping it wasn't Larry." She groaned. "Please tell me it was for you or Peter."

"Me," I said, and before it was realized, a smile stretched across my lips.

"Glorious!" she smiled back in awe. "Are you feeling better now?"

That was enough to switch my mood back into this dark place and I was filled with a sickening sadness again. The coffee had me buzzed up. But still, you know? It's like feeling totally wrong about yourself, knowing that you did something bad. Knowing that I fucked up and I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I didn't want to stand around and have my mind keep returning to last night. Realizing how bad it was for me, I couldn't imagine how horrible it was for her.

As if somehow reading my mind, I don't know how it happened. I was so dazed at first, you have no idea what it felt like to just stand there and feel this connection. Immediately, my heart was washed over with this warmth and her perfume filled the air.

"Emma," came her voice from behind me, footsteps upon the carpet.

I swung around and stared into brown eyes as she approached me.

"Well, well, well," Babs said from behind me, but her voice was so far away. "Looks like you made it just in time."

"As I said," Regina nodded, offering the woman behind me a small smile. She held up two brown paper bags and briefly smiled. "Have lunch with me."

I was choking on air.

"Babs," her perfume washed me over as I was passed by, "enter me into the conference now. But I'll be on mute."

Her Personal Assistant was as surprised as me, well after the words sank in. For her to enter a conference call without saying a word? That was like the mother of all miracles happening. Regina usually dominated calls. She was the kind of boss to cut across people speaking and shut them down. Questions were asked that people were afraid to ask. And when someone slipped up, you better be sure that the error never crossed her without notice.

Staring at Babs, both of us widened our eyes.

"Please come in," the door was held open, eyebrows raised.

"Go on," Babs whispered. "We must let the beast feed when she's hungry or else my head will be bitten off. So run along." I was shooed away.

Hesitantly, my boots neared the door. She was leaning over her desk and pressing the fancy phone that only the big ones managed to get. You know, those huge ones that have all kinds of complicated options? Four way calls and conferencing. Maybe even sending bat signals. Anyway, I went in and just stood there awkwardly. Oh crap, you can imagine how I was feeling. Like a mess.

"...running on our line, we found that sales decreased in the Latina market because of the refusal on Mally's part to continue printing issues in Spanish," came a man's voice in a British accent.

Regina stepped around me and pressed the door close, locking it as well.

My chest was a box of ice.

I watched her go around that large desk and sit behind it without the chair making a sound. Legs crossed, she reached for the bags and tossed her dark, choppy hair about like a movie star. Lips parted, one of the paper bags was opened and a graceful hand was pushed inside. I sat awkwardly in one of the four green cushioned chairs, biting my lips.

"Listen, I don't give a rat's ass about figures," Mally was saying flamboyantly on the line. She was obviously in her office upstairs. "I'm more focused on delivery. I've hired people to take care of what goes inside the magazine. Must I also be in charge of the language?"

"You are the CEO," a man with a rather husky voice said. "Forgive her, all those involved in this round table discussion. But my wife seems to be rather diverted these days."

Without saying a word to me, the lunch was taken out the bag and she rose up. Leaning over the desk, I watched her place a tissue neatly in front of me and the burger was deposited. Next, the small green fridge was her destination. Opening it, a can of Pepsi and a Fruit Juice was taken out. All of this I observed from my chair and my eyes stung because she was being so nice to me and I didn't deserve it. Did I? Did I deserve this? Do you think I deserved that kind of treatment?

Placing the can next to my lunch, she pulled up the seal and pushed in the white straw.

I stared at her.

Something was wrong about that picture. Everything was being done perfectly but it's like, something was really, really wrong. The way her eyes refused to meet mine alone signaled that my suspicions were correct. The way she went to her chair and sat down, beginning to eat her veggie burger in silence, it was enough to make my heart collapse. I couldn't even begin to eat. I really couldn't and the can of Pepsi was taken instead.

Whilst the conference went on, I sipped it and tried so hard to keep in my tears.

"Fred, you're a jackass," the man with the British accent said.

"Thank you," Fred said and a few people laughed.

"Does Bobby zip your pants up for you too?"

"I hired Bobby as my personal eyes and ears inside this industry and I will not have this fucking thing crumble to the ground," returned the English man. "Give me figures, Fred. I need my bloody figures."

"I will give you them over a jug of root beer, Simon"

"Look, if I was to travel to the U.S right now, I'd spank you, you wicked toss pot," Simon, the Brit scolded.

What kind of conference was this? I couldn't believe that the top execs were carrying on a conversation as if they were in high school. I was not in the mood for their immature humor and it all had to do with my hormones. Any other time, yeah this would have been funny as hell. But right there and then? It was like listening to South Park or something.

Reading my mind again, she sighed and dialed something.

"Yes Miss Mills," Babs said curtly.

Regina's chest heaved. "Put your headset on and be my ears until this segment of South Park ends," she shocked me by saying. "Have a laugh."

"They're rounding up the cocks and spaniels already?" Babs chuckled. "Alright then. Hand it over to me."

She transferred the call and I sat there wondering how the hell someone could read my mind like that. First she just appeared. Then there was the South Park reference. And now, above all, my sandwich was taken and folded up in the red and white checkered paper. Pushing it into the bag, she snatched my can of Pepsi and handed me a milk shake meal supplement from the fridge. She knew I couldn't eat.

For like half an hour we just sat like that without saying anything to each other. Flipping through documents, brown eyes behind black framed spectacles roamed line after line. Eventually, I took the burger and began to eat it slowly. Observing my move from above her cute spectacles, all attention on the papers was lost. I was studied like a painting or something, intently and for a long time. Without even looking at her, my burger was focused on.

Then when an hour was up, I didn't know what to do anymore.

She had returned to her papers and I stood up. Regina considered my my paper bag instead of meeting my eyes. It was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

"Thanks," I said hoarsely, my throat aching.

"Sit."

"My lunch is up," I blinked, my vision blurred.

Finally our eyes met. It was enough to make me do the one thing I always did when I had no idea what the hell to do. I turned and headed to the door. Without turning back, even when she called my name, I walked right past Babs and as fast as possible. Tossing the paper bag and can into a garbage bin, I practically rushed to the washroom and pulled the doors open. Then blindly pushing my way into an empty stall, I thanked the heavens the interior was empty.

Resting my back upon the door, the tears came as my face contorted. Fists balled, I smudged what little eyeliner I had on and choked on emotion. Digging the heels of my hands into sore eyes, I cried and cried until there was nothing remaining. Nothing. Finally feeling like a zombie again, I went outside and washed my face. Then I pushed on my spectacles to somehow try to ridiculously hide the fact that I had been crying.

Returning to my cubicle, my work was attacked again and this time, I managed to move through my tasks in lightning speed. Her coffee cup was thrown into the bin. I curled up in my chair and closed up like a fist.

For four days, she gave me my space. Four days, I received coffee and every single morning, I woke up to her random text messages.

**Good morning. Hope you slept well. Have a great day.**

**I trust you had good dreams? I didn't sleep a wink. Coffee is my drug.**

**Looks like we'll have rain today. Wear something thick and don't forget to have a cup of tea.**

**Please don't forget that I love you, Emma. All I remember is you.**

The Saturday to follow, there were no classes and my schedule had me working from 8:30 am to 3 pm. Just as I was wrapping up things with a customer from Texas, I heard the guys mention her name. Of course, immediately my ears perked up to have a listen because at some point in time, they were going to find out that I was dating the boss. On this occasion though, Peter and Kyle were leaning upon Larry's desk and the radio was turned down low. When I reared my head to check them out, my supervisor was smiling like the Cheshire Cat.

"So you actually sat next to them and had drinks?" Peter was asking, staring in fascination at the older man.

Larry nodded, head lowered as he worked on something. "It was pretty awkward at first but then as she always does, Mally eased me in."

"What you guys had? Whiskey shots?" Kyle was a twenty nine year old who had joined us from Miami, fluent in Spanish. He usually helped us out with the Spanish customers.

"Nah, it was just a few beers and Regina had her Bourbon."

"Regina had her Bourbon, he says," Peter mocked Larry and smiled at Kyle. "Did she also have you afterwards?"

I glared at them and listened. "Well we talked mostly. As far as talking goes and then Mally had to leave with her husband. That was around eleven." Gently massaging his temples, the snake continued as if he was victorious. "So mostly we talked some more."

"And?" Kyle stared.

Peter leaned in further. "Yeah, and?"

"And nothing," Larry said, shaking his head. "Nothing else happened. She got on her motorbike, a V Star 250, and rode off after bidding farewell. Which was hot as ever."

"MISS MILLS RIDES A V.S 250." Peter's eyes were wide. "Holy moley."

Meh. All they did was talk about bikes afterwards and then the conversation moved to basketball. I for one couldn't care less about their interests. All that matter to me was her. And since she had drinks with him, I didn't know how the hell to feel about that. Because I wasn't told about it. Nothing had been said, not that anything had been said for five days. But at least she could have said something in her texts about sharing drinks with my supervisor.

When I got out my department at three, there she was standing by her office door, hugging a red binder. Our eyes met and I briefly held the gaze. Then waving at Barbara, no time was wasted to get out of there. By the time the elevator doors slid close, two other girls from Accounts got in.

The drama Queens were never my kind of crowd to hang around. And to be honest, I hardly had friends who were girls. It's because of all the boyfriend talk and unnecessary emotional chattering that rubbed me the wrong way.

These two immediately began to talk about romance and I huddled into the corner, completely ignoring them. Both of them wore skirt suits that were tight and hugged their slender bodies. Dressed to impress the guys around here, I'd usually think when my eyes rested on their type. Always hanging out after work with some guy from work.

"I mean, she's totally hot though," Jessica, the red head was saying, "I don't believe a word of it."

"A lesbian?" Marlene shook her head. "No way. That's gross."

They couldn't be talking about me because I'd shut them up immediately.

"That's what I heard and remember the newspaper articles? Well that was said."

"But who's the girlfriend though?"

"The mysterious one? Apparently people at Dazzle know. I have a friend there. I'll ask her on WhatsApp or something." Jessica tapped away on her phone and the elevator reached the ground floor.

I walked out and headed to the door, fists clenched. If there was one thing about the grapevine, it was the fast dissemination of news. As soon as they got a hold of Dazzle and realized that I was the mysterious girlfriend, then the entire building would know. And remembering how it was like at Dazzle with people whispering behind my back, the same thing would most likely happen here. They'd say that she brought me here to work so that we could be closer. Most things would be said to stir up unnecessary gossip. I'd be shunned like a leper or something.

You wouldn't believe where Neal and Killian took me to study Financial Management. In a shopping mall, just near the ice cream parlor, our tables covered in books and three sundaes. With everyone hustling around us because it was a Saturday, I tried to understand interest rates and inflation. Huddled next to me, Neal pointed out the explanation of formulas and diagrams and we attempted a Case Study together.

"They're showing a bunch of black and whites," Killian studied the brochure belonging to the upstairs cinema and frowned. "I like black and whites but not on a Saturday."

"Less talk about movies, more talk about finances and management," Neal warned him, correcting my answer on the page before me.

"Agreed but after work must come play." Killian carefully waved the brochure in front of my face and smiled. "Choose a movie, Emma."

"Oh come on!" I protested, batting it away. "Don't tempt me!"

"Choose a movie. Choose a horror."

"Dude," Neal snatched the brochure and slide it inside the text book with a scowl on his face.

"I was reading that!" Killian pointed out, staring at the book. "Give it back to me."

"When we're finished with this chapter."

"I was hoping to see Terminator but -"

"Not a chance," Neal cut across me and nudged my shoulder with his. "Not now. So focus."

So we ended up studying for like two hours, moving into six and then by the time I got home, I was exhausted. I was so fatigued, hopping into the shower was a task by itself because my freaking body was like a sack of potatoes. By the time bed was sought out, it was after nine and my ear buds were plugged in. Taylor Swift, Avril, Pink. All in no order were played until sleepiness got the best of me and I fell asleep.

The next day was just me doing some cleaning inside my apartment.

I got up at around ten and suddenly had the urge to do a massive wiping and brushing of things.

My teddy bears were rearranged, books were fixed, and then the sink and bathroom were cleaned. I brushed the carpet, sprayed the glass windows and wiped them, then did laundry downstairs in the small laundromat. Meeting up with Jessie from the fifth floor, she invited me up to play a game of checkers and I ended up spending the rest of the evening with a seventy nine year old lady who had about a tonne of cats.

She had baked chocolate cookies and fed me plates of them with ease. The cocoa was so delicious, I had two glasses and at nine, I left feeling like a satisfied child, well fed.

Somehow I was in the mood to talk to her. I always was to be honest and those past few days were so hard for me to keep distance. Why were we even keeping distance from each other? Mostly because of me and my stupid mood swings. I felt that if we did this, it was like taking time off and realizing how much we meant to each other afterwards. But sometimes you believe that distance is best. You want to have some alone time and fail to realize that not everyone feels as deeply as you do.

Pressing Speed Dial 1, her cellphone rang and she did not answer. So most likely I was like, okay, she's on a call. Then I was brave enough to try the phone in her apartment and it rang for like four times which was very unusual.

Just as I was about to hang up, the line was picked up.

"Hello, good evening?"

I felt a rush of ice cold shock overwhelm me when his voice was heard. Larry. My supervisor. I should have known all the time.

"Who is it?" she asked in the background, and there was movement. Even before anything else could happen, I disconnected the call and remained there on my bed with my head all fuzzy.

What the hell was he doing there?

Oh yeah I knew why he was there. I scowled at the ceiling and felt my fists clench. He was there keeping her company and most likely having drinks. They were probably talking and bonding, whilst he told her about his deep crush and how every day was brightened with her smile. That's what he was telling her. I was so sick of the thought of him being there, springing up from my bed, the fridge was my destination. Pulling out a beer, I practically pulled the cap off with my bare hands and then when the pain hit me, the opener was used.

"Yeah, great," I muttered to the empty apartment, walking towards the window and staring outside. "Good for you. Dammit!"

I kicked the chair and my boots felt like coffins of cold air. Freezing my toes and forcing me to sit down. It was too much. Too freaking much to process. From the room, my cellphone rang and I ignored it because nothing was important at that moment. Nothing. Not even sleep.

She was fucking with me. All the time, she was just fucking with my feelings. Pushing me away, everything. Every single damn thing!

The next morning, I woke up with wisps of anger curling inside of me and got dressed. Drinking my coffee black, I didn't eat and had a major crash by mid morning so the cafeteria was attacked for something to munch on.

Just as I was striding past her office, chewing on a cheese scone, Barbara drew me nearer to ask about something related to Grimm because she watched the show and loved it. For most of the time I stood there, her office door was glared at. If it was possible, holes would have been burned through the wood and staring at her name was like shooting poisonous darts at the person herself.

"You're late, Miss Mills," Barbara shocked me by saying, her eyes focused behind. "But you made it to work, which is good."

"Good day, Babs," she said and I didn't even take time to look at her. "Emma."

"Good day, Miss Mills," I said sarcastically, and pushing myself away from the desk, I walked back to my department without looking back.

Of course I wasn't expecting it.

At midday she sent her Personal Assistant for me, suggesting lunch. I declined, said there were other plans and then my phone rang. When I saw her name registered on the device, the volume was turned down low and the call was answered.

"Yes, Miss Mills, how may I help you?"

There was silence.

I waited and heard her breathing. The seconds ticked by and then my fist was clenched.

"Yes...Miss...Mills," I said stiffly.

"I need to...see you." Her voice was so husky and sounded so far away. "Please."

"If you want a companion, then call my supervisor since he was good enough company last night," I returned bitterly.

"I knew it was you," she said without any hint of anger in her voice like mine, "you called me."

"And he picked up, which obviously proved my suspicions correct."

"What...suspicions?" she asked, as if completely dumb on the matter.

"I don't have time for this right now. I have to work. Call people. Get stuff done."

"Emma, he just came over. What did you want me to do? Turn him away?"

"You could have done that," I hissed into the phone, head lowered. "You could have done everything possible to turn him away but you encouraged him. You fucked with me. You've been fucking with me. But instead of using your hands, you're...opening doors in the middle of the night and letting in...people."

"You need to calm down," her voice was shaky. "This is being understood in the wrong light. You're overreacting, Emma."

"I'm overreacting?" I slammed the phone down and ran fingers through my hair, trying to breathe.

She called back immediately. "Four days you've put me on a diet," Regina said in a loud whisper. "Four days. I am starving. I need my Vitamin E."

"Did you feed him your expensive wine?" I scowled, clawing at my mouse. "I hope he chokes on it."

"Behave yourself."

"Then stay on the diet," I hissed back and ended the call.

I was called to her office at exactly three that afternoon and locking my computer, the stiff expression on my face probably signaled to everyone that something was terribly wrong. Even Larry watched me with worry. Babs, saw me pass by and her eyes widened. Pushing open her door without knocking, I went inside and stood there with my arms folded.

She wasn't behind her desk. She was sitting on it on my side, and her arms unfolded immediately. Standing up, steps were taken to the door and it was pressed close. Then returning to where I stood, we were face to face and I completely avoided eye contact.

"What is wrong with you?" her voice was low and dangerous.

"Nothing is wrong with me," I returned sarcastically. "Nothing is wrong with me. Except that I'm going crazy over these little thoughts. I just want to buy a plastic roach and torture you with it."

"Spare me the ridiculous display of hormonal bouts of anger that isn't supposed to be directed at me.""

"I'll pretend that I understood what you just said," I glared at her. "I'm also still considering the roach. I know you hate cats. I'll get a cat too."

"He's a friend, Emma," she leaned in and alerted me with wide brown eyes. "He...is...a...friend. A colleague. I will not accept you speaking to me like that as you did before on the matter."

"What the hell?" I stared at her.

"You behaved very offsetting today. You used the F word at me. I prefer the non verbal use. But I don't appreciate the way I was spoken to or treated. As if there is no trust between us. And I feel very hurt about that tone of voice you used on me. I will not allow you to speak to me in this manner."

"Well then sorry for causing you any upsets," I said staring out the glass behind her. "Get into your Principal mode and scold me. Send me to detention. Give me lines to write."

"Would you please stop behaving like this?" she took a hold of my shoulders. "I have had enough of your behavior this week. I understand that you are quite unwell due to your period. But it gives you no right to take such emotional bouts on me. I am not a punching bag."

"I never punched you," I said. "I'd punch him though."

"Emma, that is hardly the point."

"What did the two of you do last night?" the matter wouldn't be dropped. My eyes flicked to meet hers. "Did you drink and talk?"

"Yes. I am allowed to have friends whilst being you, am I not?" she stared at me, half a foot of space between us. "Or do you wish to have me all to yourself?"

Turning away, tears burned my eyes.

"Just say the words and allow me the chance of giving you anything you want, Emma," she voiced that statement with heavy emotion. "Let me know what the hell you want me to do. I have been staying away. I have been giving you space because that's what you wanted of me. Now you don't want me to even entertain friends. To which I find really hurtful on your part."

I remained silent.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you," she said, her voice trembling.

I didn't. I remained facing the door and never looked back.

My shoulder was taken firmly and I was turned around on the spot.

"Why are you treating me like this, Emma? Why are you trying so hard to hurt me?"

"I am not trying to hurt you," my eyes filled with tears. "Why would I do that?"

"Then what do you want me to do?" she raked her fingers through my hair and moved in closer, resting our foreheads together. "What must I do to muffle any doubts and all suspicions?"

"I don't know," I whined like a stupid child, hating myself for it. "I'm not in control of myself right now. I don't know what's happening but I'm not feeling okay."

"That's because you're on a roller coaster of hormones and I understand that," she said. "But I don't understand where all of this hatred is coming from. Glaring at me, refusing to speak to me. Keeping me at arm's length. Emma, at a time like this, I want to be with you more than ever. I want to help you get through this and comfort you. Is that understood?"

I nodded, hugging myself, tears leaking down my cheeks. "I think something's wrong with me," I said hoarsely.

"Nothing is wrong with you, sweetheart. I know that you've never been in a relationship before and there might be moments when you believe me to have lost faith and interest in you. But you have to understand that I love you this way and only you. I can never love someone else like this. Larry, he's the wrong gender and you are aware of this. You're aware of the fact that I would never cross that line and sleep with anyone else. I would never do that to you. I'm committed to you."

"I'm so sorry," I said in a small voice, "Regina, I am so, so sorry."

"It's okay. I'll find a way for you to make it up to me."

I actually laughed, my chest heaving. "I know you will."

"That sound..." she captured my face between her hands, "...your laugh; it's like music to my ears. Are you ready to be most affectionate and intimate and on speaking terms with me again?"

I nodded. Her phone rang. It always rang in the most emotional moments. She gazed at me and allowed it to. Then when it started to ring again, footsteps led to her desk.

Picking it up, she answered. I sighed and hugged myself, lips bitten.

"No, I'm afraid I can't talk to you about that right now."

Our eyes met.

"Yes. I will call you back. I understand. Alert the conference about my absence and that I will join when I am free."

She offered me a small smile and rested the phone down.

"Great!" her hands were clapped, a huge smile on that pretty face. "Where were we?"

"Um, do you have a mint or candy or something?" our eyes met. "I feel upset."

"Oh?" going behind her desk, a drawer was pulled open. "I hope I didn't get you pregnant by chance." She pawed around inside and I couldn't help but laugh. Brown eyes were pinched from a smile. "Are you concealing that glorious news from me?" She tilted her head, retrieving a power mint.

"Maybe," I shrugged.

"Should I call my gynecologist and schedule an appointment?" Her eyebrows were raised as she came towards me holding out the mint. "To have a routine checkup?"

"You know what," I took it and frowned. "Maybe that's a good idea. I've always wanted to see one about my period and stuff. The cramps are too much and my hormonal level skyrockets."

"Perhaps the pill should be considered," she gently tucked my hair behind my ears as I twisted the mint open and popped it into my mouth. "At first it make you feel a bit nauseous whilst using it. But your body adjusts."

"You use it right?"

"Yes," she nodded, pressing a kiss onto my forehead. "It works wonders, sweetheart. Gone are the days when I used to suffer as you do right now. Four light days and not a mood swing. Added to that, say goodbye to acne and pimples and that horrible feeling of believing that your girlfriend doesn't think you're worth it."

"I just kept thinking that he wants you and he could make a move on you and -"

"Actually he did," she stood there and shrugged.

My eyes widened. "He did?"

"Yes. Nothing physical of course. Just a mention of being romantically inclined to me. I alerted him that I was committed to someone. Mally backed me up and made it clear to him that yes, her best friend was not on the market. And Larry perfectly accepted the news. In fact, last night, he stopped by to drop a few papers off. And we ended up having a glass of wine, speaking about this partner of mine."

I stared at her. The buzzing of the traffic below filled the room.

"Emma, he knows that I'm gay. I believe everyone in here knows. They just aren't aware of you being my other half. Everyone wants to know who this person is though. Apparently Robin refuses to speak of it to anyone who asks. But Larry knows this. And when I told him that there IS someone, he backed off. He suggested friends. I accepted. I don't have friends apart from Mally, Emma. I need...to speak to people outside of work."

Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pulled her closer. "I'm not stopping you from having friends. It was just...him. Because I knew he...has feelings for you. And it made me feel -"

"Jealous?"

"Yeah, I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm not ashamed. I felt jealous because sometimes I think that you're going to wake up and want someone else."

"Why in the world would I want someone else, Emma?" she stared at me and frowned. "Even if I was hit in the head with a bat, and lost my senses, and my memories, I'd still fall head over heels in love with you all over again."

I couldn't help but smile, feeling all mushy inside. "Are you still mad at me about last Monday?"

"Yes. I am. Majorly mad. Perhaps slightly. Or not."

Hugging her just like that, she melted in my arms and I nuzzled my face into soft, dark hair. Instantly inhaling watermelons and all kinds of fruits, she had changed her shampoo, more like a mix Chad would find as a favorite. She smelled so good, I wanted to literally sniff her all over. And I couldn't let go.

"I'm sorry I made you cry," I said softly, holding her tightly against me. "I was so frustrated."

"Like I said, you'll make it up to me soon. I know this."

"Anything you want," I said, resting our foreheads together and gazing into brown eyes. "Any single thing you want, just tell me."

"Anything?" her voice was hoarse.

"Yeah, anything."

"Okay, come by me tonight at precisely seven. It is Monday night, the perfect night and you are so going to pay." Untangling herself from me, I pulled her back and searched a cheerful face.

"What are you going to do to me, Regina?"

She laughed hoarsely and patted my shoulders. "I wouldn't tell you, even if you tried to kiss it out of me. So don't even try to -" her breath caught in her throat when I reached between soft legs.

Wearing a simple black pants suit, that pretty much give me easy access and very soon, brown eyes were widened. Lips parted, she was pulled closer, me maintaining my grip.

"Emma..."

Her voice was so husky. I was stunned and completely unprepared when Regina stepped in and crushed her lips onto mine. The passion in her kiss was so much, we devoured each other's mouths hungrily, climbing the wave of desire that kept consuming us. Hands roamed my chest, fingers pushing their way in and cupping my boobs. I began to slowly massage between her legs and she gasped into my mouth, staring at me with wide eyes. Very soon, my back hit the wall and hands were raked through my blonde hair, kissing me so deeply, I couldn't breathe and I didn't want to.

I didn't want to move apart.

My hand unzipped her pants and slide inside neatly whilst she tilted our heads sideways and used tongue. A hot kiss that escalated so much, I ended up walking her backwards clumsily. She sat on the back of one of those green chairs and gave me easy access. Moving lace aside and feeling exactly what I needed. Using two fingers and thrusting into her without wasting time. I missed this. Oh geez, how I missed feeling her so wet and reacting to my every touch.

Cupping my face between her palms, brown eyes grew wide. Because she was so tight, closing around my fingers snugly. Wrapping her legs around me, I made love to her at our new workplace for the first time. Over and over again she rode my thrusts and muffled her hoarse cries into my chest. Coming hard and shaking against me, throwing her head back as I bit into tender skin around a sweat soaked neck. Her dark hair was disheveled, tangled and tossed around as my hands gripped her legs and I went down south.

The toes of her boots dug into the carpet, trying to maintain her balance whilst I sucked and used my tongue on her. So wet and warm she was, convulsing eventually and raking trembling fingers through my hair. Curling into me like a comma, gyrating her hips and pressing my head closer.

"Emma," she shook and I felt how her orgasms rippled through a gorgeous body. Twisting upon the edge of the chair back, she mewled and pulled me up.

Eventually our lips met and we kissed for a long time.

Switching on the AC to full blast, it took us roughly twenty minutes to cool down inside her office. Fixing her hair, Regina perched herself at the edge of that massive desk and applied red lipstick and powder. Her red shirt was creased but could be undetected if the jacket was pulled closer in front. I was obviously more creased than she was and was wearing no jacket.

"Tonight," she reminded me, entwining our fingers as the door was pulled open. "Don't think of anything else but me until tonight."

"I wouldn't," I said, our fingertips brushing together. Out of her office I went and realized that it was five and work was over already.

Safely putting it this way, I went to my Financial Management lecture that night in all smiles.

The class was really entertaining to me whilst concepts seemed easily digested and understood. Karen was really trying to explain everything to us in the simplest way and I admired her deeply for that. I really did. Because she had a class of adults to teach these things to. A room filled with people of all ages, people who possibly wouldn't ever understand the Productivity Ratios and everything else. But she kept repeating things and showing us how to work them step by step, when seven o'clock came, I felt relieved more than ever.

Left with the paper that had been passed around to collect names, as a form of easy register, I ended up moving to the front of the room. She was packing up her things neatly into a black case, blonde hair falling into emerald eyes.

"Here you go, Miss Betts," I said cheerfully and held out the paper.

Lifting her eyes, she considered what I held out and smiled. "Oh great, thank you, Emma."

Literally, I was stunned because we had never been introduced. Since classes began, I never spoke to her and there was no way she could know my name just like that. But it just happened! How weird was that?

"You're welcome," I said, realizing that she was looking at me a little too longer than expected.

"Did you enjoy the class then?"

"Oh yeah," I nodded and hoisted my backpack up with a hold on the straps. "I'm actually reading ahead with the help of a friend."

She sighed and considered me with a smile. "Emma, you have no idea how relieved I am to hear that from someone in this class." Betts pressed her bag close and adjusted the black strap. "It would appear as if no one understands a thing."

"Don't think that way," I shrugged. "You're making it easy to understand, if you ask me. And I know for sure that a couple ladies around me were understanding too. They were taking notes and explaining back what you taught to each other."

Up close, I realized how pretty she was and possibly way older than me. We had different shades of blonde hair because whilst mine was yellow as my other often described it, hers was lighter, almost gray looking.

"Forgive me for intruding, but have we met before?" She frowned, studying my face.

I thought about it and shook the thought away. "Nah, I'm sure I'd remember you."

"And why is that?" she picked up her black binder filled with notes and began to walk away from the wooden podium. "Am I too ugly to forget?"

"Hey," I glanced at her and smiled whilst she did as well. "No, you're not ugly. You just have a face I'd remember."

"Funny but my partner says the same thing constantly to me," Karen laughed, hanging her head as we went outside and into the night. The dimly lit campus was filled with shadows of people leaving classes.

"I bet he does," I said absentmindedly, checking my phone and noticing a message from Regina.

"Actually my partner is a SHE," Karen said whilst I read ' **DON'T FORGET ME. I AM TYPING THIS IN CAPS. I CANNOT BE IGNORED.'**

Staring at Betts sideways as we walked, I reprocessed her words and my eyes widened. "I knew there was something completely awesome about you."

"And you too," she said, winking at me.

"Oh really?" I laughed as the wind lifted her hair.

"Yes. Over the years, I've realized that it is possible that I have one of those gaydars that is seriously fine tuned to perfection. I can instantly detect a gay woman anywhere. And it doesn't help when I'm in front of a large class and a few faces send me signals."

"So how many are there in this MNG211 class exactly?" sliding my phone into my pocket, I got out my car keys.

"Honestly? I'm afraid there's just you."

"Dammit," I tried to appear crestfallen and she laughed.

"But there are many others on campus and I can pinpoint some for you."

"Actually, I'm already committed to someone," I said to her, and she stared at me with wide eyes. "So nah, I'm not looking."

"That's incredible!" she squeezed my right shoulder and pulled me close. Betts was taller than me by like four inches. "How long have you two been together?"

"Since June. I've lost count because it feels like such a long time already."

"Somehow I feel connected to you and I think I might know why."

"Why? Because we're both gay?" I smiled.

"That too. And the fact that from the first time I saw you, I actually said to myself, this young lady reminds me of me when I was younger."

"That's exactly what one of my friends said the other day," I told her, "kind of like sisters."

"Same eye color. My hair is blonde but almost fully gray. It runs in my family actually. The aging of our hair to become fully gray before we reach the age of seventy."

"How old are you? If you don't mind me asking..." we had reached the parking lot and she took out her keys too.

"I'm sixty eight years young," Karen laughed.

"No way!" I stared wide eyed at her

"I know, I know," she held out her arms and pressed the alarm remote. A black sedan chirped behind me. "I look like twenty, right?"

"You totally do!"

We both laughed and she pulled open her door and rested the black case inside. "Thank you, dear. Well for me," she sighed. "It's back to the hospital. I'm working the night shift."

"You're a doctor?" I was impressed.

"Well generally speaking, yes," she climbed in neatly. "I'm a gynecologist."

"Wow," all the wicked thoughts running through my mind probably shone through my eyes.

Karen shook her head, amused. "It's how I met my partner, so whatever is going through your mind, it led somewhere. However, nothing comes out of it since we've been together for almost fifteen years now. When I first started off, oh joy."

She was hilarious.

"But now, I'm like, I've seen all shapes and sizes at all angles, it's kind of funny. I'll see you Thursday for tutorials, Emma," the engine was started and she closed the door, winding down the window.

"Take care, Miss Betts," I said waving.

"Hey, let's hang out some time. You, me, your other half and my other half."

"Sounds awesome," I watched her reverse out of the parking lot and then went to my precious yellow bug.

The drive to Regina's place was refreshing for me whilst I actually sang to ABBA's songs. And yeah, I was and still am a total ABBA fanatic. Most likely I got that from dad who was obsessed with them. Whilst mom was more into Anne Murray and Celine Dion. She also loved Taylor Swift. Regina was more into...

What was Regina into?

I had no idea!

The last time I scrolled through her phone for a game to play, the playlist was EMPTY. It was like a crime I was witnessing. Not a song in a phone? It was supposed to be brought up but I never did. And now as I drove, my mind began to wonder how the hell she had no music in there.

Let's see, to be honest, she struck me as a Taylor Swift fan and I had no idea why. Maybe it was the fact that she always kept humming and appearing entirely cute whilst doing it. Plus her obsession with chick flicks was something to really witness and have a laugh about. Her favorite movie was Mean Girls and she absolutely adored Regina George. Freaky Friday was another one. Then there was Ten Things I Hate About You and Geek Charming. She loved those kind of movies, except for High School Musical.

The Devil Wears Prada was another favorite. So was Meryl Streep who I believed was her role model. As close to fangirling as she'd go would be her huge brown eyes glued upon the television whilst Miranda aka Meryl was on screen. Her impressions of the woman didn't even require any effort. She already had the no nonsense look and the smirks and stares.

Just as I parked outside her apartment building, I made a mental note to ask her as soon as she opened the door.

Before my fist could even rap, the door was opened and Regina pulled me inside.

"What the hell?"

"Shhh!" she pressed fingers onto my lips and moved in closer, her eyes squeezed shut. "Oh dear."

"What happened?" I allowed myself to be hugged so tightly, there was no way of breathing.

"Look behind me," she whispered, pressing our cheeks together, "near the chair. Are you looking?"

"I...am...looking," my eyes searched the interior and I saw nothing that jumped out.

"Do you see it?"

"Do I see what?"

"Noo," she rubbed our faces together and pressed me further into the door. "Please, please, please, get rid of it. I can't do it this time."

Immediately, I realized what was happening. A roach had flown or crawled into her apartment again.

Laughing, I tried to move but she wouldn't let me. "Um," taking a hold of her waist, I tried to gently push her way but she was practically glued to me. "I have to move, Regina."

"Why?" she stared at me with her huge brown eyes. "Are you going to...execute it?"

"I'll find it and throw it outside or something."

Letting me go, she folded into the door and remained there, hugging herself. I quietly stepped into the living room and just as my eyes rested on a yellow butterfly kissing the arm of the red chair, she mewled.

The door behind me was pulled open and out she went in a haste, shoulders hunched.

A BUTTERFLY?

I was wrong. I had to be wrong. There was a roach somewhere in here and I was going to find it. Getting onto my knees, I peered under the red chair and couldn't see a thing moving. The butterfly followed me around the furniture and I lifted the cushions, pressed them into the chair again. I crawled around on my freaking knees and didn't see a roach.

Sitting there, giving up, the little yellow creature kissed my cheek and I was reminded of that episode of Spongebob when they made these little creatures appear so harmful and scary. Zooming into their fuzzy faces and giving us a shot of a monster. To be honest, I hated moths but this little yellow thing? Capturing it into my cupped hands, I let it out the window and then went outside.

She was standing downstairs, hugging herself still and wearing her black leather jacket. Her red dress was gorgeous and had a flare out bottom that reached her knees. Surprisingly she was wearing red flats.

"Did you do it?" Regina stared at me.

"I couldn't find a roach."

"It wasn't a -"

"And if you honestly think that I'm supposed to believe you are afraid of butterflies," I cut across her, "then I'm about to laugh really hard."

"Emma, you have no idea how awful those things are!" she said in a heavy whisper, chasing after me as I walked outside and bit in my laughter. "They have little minds of their own. Are you aware of that? They have...mouths. They can bite."

"Regina," I snorted, moving to my car, "butterflies don't bite."

"They do! They bite. They hate me. They chase after me. I was in the shower..." she said, keeping near me whilst I unlocked the door, "when it just flew in and I didn't even get to wash my face properly."

I stared at her with wide eyes. "Did you bathe at all?"

"Of course I did, thank goodness." She groaned, hugging herself again, our eyes meeting. "I feel...violated somehow."

"What the hell did the poor thing do? Rape a pore on your cheek or your arm?"

"I hate you and your attempts to mock me," she said scowling and appearing totally cute. "I hate your stupid...car."

"I should have left it inside your apartment," laughing, I went around to my side and got in. The key was pushed in. "And this car, don't you insult my baby at all. We first bonded in this machine and you owe it."

"I owe it...what?" she scowled at the dashboard. "How did it earn the title of 'baby' and you've never called me that?"

"I've called you...baby." I stared at her.

"When?"

"When we make love, or have you forgotten me saying, 'oh baby, oh...baby'," I threw my head back as she watched, "give it to me. Give it to me, Regina. Just give...it...to -"

"Miss Swan, start the car," she interrupted me.

I pouted, "why isn't your hand between my legs?"

"Start...the...car." Her brown eyes were fiery.

"And if I don't?" I purposely smirked.

Reaching forward, she grabbed me between my legs and I squeaked. "Start the car, Emma." Her thumb pressed in and began to create a rhythm that made me curl into the chair. "Start it or else I'll be damned."

Eyes wide, I did what I was told and her maniacal laughter filled the air whilst we drove away.


	15. I'm Spoiled For My Birthday

**Excerpt:**

" ** _Beg, Miss Swan," she hissed, brown eyes flashing._**

" ** _Okay, please," I simply said without pleading. "Give...it...to...me."_**

" ** _Is that your best?" her eyebrows were raised. "Or do you want me to remind you how much you desire pleasure?"_**

" ** _Oh Reginaa," I made a dramatic move of scrunching up my face, fighting with the restraints, "give it to me. Baby, just give it up. Give me a good time. Whip me senseless. Oww."_**

**_She stared at me. Her eyes blinked. "Seriously."_ **

" ** _Do you want me to turn over?" I asked innocently. "For you to spank my bottom?"_**

* * *

She took me to this exotic strip club that had a kind of Caribbean feeling to it. The interior was shaded in colors of nature like yellow, green and red. Palm trees were placed around the bar and dancers were gyrating upon high platforms in skimpy clothes. Women twirling their bodies covered in glitter and sweat, hair fanning out into a million tendrils whilst we took seats in a shadowed corner.

For most of the first hour to follow, this red head with like 40B size boobs and a curvy body came out of nowhere. Taking my precious white wine from me, she neatly rested it upon the table and started dancing against my right shoulder.

I was like, hey, oh crap, this is not happening. This is so not happening to me because to be honest, I never had a freaking woman dance on me like that. Her hands caressed my face whilst the wicked girlfriend that had brought me here sat there and licked red painted lips, brown eyes filled with lust that was growing.

"Reginaa..." I dragged out her name, trying to send a signal.

"Yes." It wasn't a question. She was enjoying her freaking self.

"This is not..."

"Shhh," the red head said, smiling at me and taking a hold of my shoulders, nails pressing into my skin. "Your woman doesn't mind. Just relax for me."

"I can't relax," I stated with a straight face, trying to reach for my wine but Regina carefully pulled it towards her. "Hey!"

A leg was thrown over my lap and the red head's denim skirt hitched up milk white calves. My vision was obstructed. I was very soon buried in her soft boobs captured inside a zipped up red vest that was too tight.

"Yess..." Regina hissed from across the table.

"Are you serious?" I dodged my head to the left and stared at her. Brown eyes were glowing, on fire.

"Give it to her, Darla," Regina said.

"What?" I tried to meet her eyes but my chin was tilted upwards and fingers clawed my neck slowly. "DO YOU KNOW HER?" my words were directed at the red ceiling covered in lights.

"Miss Mills is a regular. Well...was," Darla informed me, dipping low and wining into my lap. "Haven't seen her in here since like May when we had Rainbow Fiesta. What happened?" the red head turned to consider Regina.

"SHE happened," her chin was jerked at me, eyes flicking to meet mine.

"Oh," Darla cupped my chin and studied my face. "So you captured my woman and stole her away. Lucky girl you are."

I sighed, eyes fluttering close.

"You in college?"

"Yeah," I allowed myself to be danced upon.

"What year?"

"Fourth."

"Majoring in?"

"Business Management."

"Nice. I major in Economics. Sixth year." She smiled at me.

"I"m sorry," I began to shake my head, "I can't take this conversation seriously with you...dancing like that on me."

"Can you at least put your hands on me or something?" Darla looked intense, like she was high. "You're making me feel as if I'm dancing on a chair."

Regina snorted.

"Look, I'm not into this right now," I explained. "You're hot and everything. You're...well gifted in most departments. But I'm not really...in the mood."

She turned to Regina, sitting on me, "how do you turn her on, Miss Mills?"

"Sorry I can't help you there, dear," Regina sipped her Bourbon. "It appears as if only I know where her power button is. And that's classified information."

"Then how am I supposed to -"

"Emma?" Hearing the familiar voice, I literally jumped in my seat, head swiveling around immediately. Oh fuck. Oh holy mother of the sky. This wasn't happening to me. No way. No freaking way. "Hi there!"

Karen Betts, my Financial Management lecturer showed her face by the table, blonde hair falling into emerald eyes. Dressed in a denim dress that reached her knees, she was clutching a black bag and a brunette was attached to her arm.

"Hi," I said awkwardly, trying a small wave. My neck felt so warm, knowing that I was growing flustered.

"Forgive me, Darla but it appears as if my student is really, really not in the mood," Karen saved me, smiling a bit. "How about you work your way around and swing by later on? See if she's ready then?"

"I was paid to do this," the red head made me choke.

"YOU PAID HER TO DANCE ON ME?" my eyes grew wide and I stared at Regina in disbelief as the stripper swung her leg over me and stood up.

"Yes." She considered me warily. "What a waste of money."

"You and I need to have a serious talk," I hissed across the table. "How dare you."

"Lighten up. I was just preparing you for what's to come later." She smirked. "Or what I am expecting...later."

"I don't believe it," Karen said. Lifting my eyes to consider her, she was staring at the wicked woman sitting opposite me. "Regina Mills?"

"Correct."

I was still staring at her in disbelief.

"Karen Betts," a hand was held out and my teacher smiled. "Don't you remember me? We were in the same year whilst studying International Relations. Very long time ago but I can distinctly remember you."

Brown eyes grew wide. They exchanged greetings and very soon, I was introduced to Karen's partner, Elizabeth. Sitting at our table, Regina and my lecturer struck up a conversation about work and life whilst Elizabeth asked me about classes and work. Eventually it led to a point where a round of shots were ordered and I decided to stay sober.

I still wasn't over it though!

How the hell could she pay to have a woman dance on me? Not that I found it really offensive or anything. But it was really unlike her! She was a regular here? How many women had danced on her? Plus they called her Miss Mills, like a couple women that passed us by and I couldn't help but wonder if she came here alone or there was someone else. Hopefully it was Mally.

Regina kept gazing at me all the time, making my knees melt as she spoke to Karen. They were talking about me and the music was too loud to hear so I tried to read her lips. But upon realizing my focus on them, the pair laughed and considered me with eyes pinched from smiles.

"I'll have you know," Betts said, leaning across the table, "that Regina was quite a geek in college."

"Yeah?" I leaned forward and smiled, happy that the conversation had turned to MISS MILLS. "What was she like?"

"Well, for starters," Karen sipped her martini and nodded, "she always had her nose buried in a textbook. Never was social. In fact, we just happened to speak to each other because I encouraged it. Very shy. Hair always tied back and in a braid, huge glasses."

"How did she dress?" I wondered out loud. Regina was staring at me and I seriously was being undressed with that intense look.

"All prim and proper. Skirts and blouses if I can remember correctly," my teacher smiled. "But I distinctly remember her plaid skirts. All colors."

"My mother bought me so many. I hate them now," Regina rolled her eyes.

"How is Cora?" Karen turned the conversation to business again and I sat back.

Elizabeth and I both watched a dancer in front of us, completely dancing to a whole other rhythm and not the one generated by the song. Laughing behind our hands, we couldn't stop. She appeared to be really giddy and this guy, obviously the boss, he came forward and spoke to her in a hushed voice. Snorting behind our hands, Elizabeth and I shared our own jokes.

It amazed me because when she never really intoxicated herself, my girlfriend was drinking a lot of Bourbon and ginger. I noticed how she began to smile at me, her lips twisted and realized that shit, she was drunk. Her fingers curled upon the table, lips parted, chest heaving. That look was enough to signal so much, and excusing herself to use the washroom, I immediately got up and trailed after her like a lost puppy.

The interior of the washroom was surprisingly decent, smelling absolutely fantastic: flowery. Painted in pink and red, the sinks and everything were clean. The tiled floors were really well kept. I didn't really get to see much because my right hand was snatched. Fingers entwining with mine, she pulled me into an empty stall.

"Okay, so what's up with -"

"Shut up and kiss me," she hoarsely said, and before I could respond, Regina crushed her lips onto mine.

Pushing me back into the wall, I felt her hand between my legs that were nudged further apart by her foot. Passionately she kissed me, so deeply, I couldn't breathe. My head began to spin so much, the yellow lights above swirling around. The glass of white wine and shot of whiskey I took really began to sink in as if I was a sponge. Especially when her bold hand unzipped my jeans and slipped inside.

Tilting my head upwards, her teeth grazed upon my neck whilst warm fingers slipped into me. Already wet, I was aching so much for her to make love to me. Her thrusts started slowly and gradually quickened whilst I lifted up that gorgeous red dress and felt my way around. Feeling warm thighs, slipping my hand into her tights and then my fingers met lace. Very soon, of course I was a pro like that, my thrusts matched hers, fingers kinked.

Knees growing weak, I felt beads of sweat soak my back and my lips kissed her damp forehead. She eventually came hard, curling into me and panting like a sex kitten, brown eyes watering. Keeping our gaze locked on each other, I neared the edge and was thrown off of it too, both of us holding each other for dear life. Because if we didn't, then we'd most likely fall onto our butts.

"No more drinks for you," I said into her right ear whilst she pressed our cheeks together, rubbing against me and moaning. "You're on overdrive already."

"I want...Tequila."

"No," I held her face between my hands and stared into dazed brown eyes. She looked so cute in that moment, I was in awe. "No more alcohol, okay? Nothing else."

"I want a...shot," her lips were licked.

"I just said no. The only shot you're going to have is me." Squaring my shoulders, I smiled proudly.

"Oh?" her face scrunched up. She scowled. "What's the fun in that?"

"You'd rather drink Bourbon instead of devouring me?" I stared back.

"Yes." She nodded. "Yes. Yess. Yes, Emma."

Of course, I kept my hand around her waist, and we walked out. Bidding our farewells to Karen and Elizabeth, we promised to catch up with them on another occasion. Darla threw up her hands and stared at me as if she really owed me that session that wasn't completed. Shrugging, I smiled, thanking the heavens and guided Regina out.

Surprisingly, she didn't protest with me but melted into my arms like a soft teddy bear. Face buried into my right shoulder, I felt warm lips upon my neck and struggled to open the car quick. Doing so, she was fixed neatly into the front seat, seat belt on.

"Where are we going?" her hoarse voice filled the car when I got in. Her fingers played with the belt, head resting onto the back of the chair.

"To bed," I said, starting the engine and locking the doors.

"Why?"

"I'm tired, really, really tired. Plus we have to work tomorrow."

"Oh noo," she moaned, reaching up to scrub her eyes. "What did I do?"

I smiled and pulled into traffic. "No worries. You had a good time, didn't you?"

"When I'm with...you, Emma, I always have a good time."

Glancing at her, she was breathing through her lips, thighs pressed together. No matter what situation Regina was in, her ladylike manners still remained. Legs together, hands folded in her lap. Shoulders held back, ankles crossed. How she did it, I had no idea. But it appeared as if that kind of behavior was wired into her DNA or something.

The way she moved was so graceful. Even her fingers danced around in a girly fashion. I can't really explain it, but her fingers were too curly, whilst mine were just...let's not talk about my man hands.

Anyway, so I drove her home. Getting into the elevator, she curled into me and I couldn't help it. Taking advantage of the moment, and always wanting to do it, I actually lifted her up into my arms.

To be honest, it was a fantastic moment for me and don't laugh but I always wanted to do that. To just lift her up like in the movies when the guy married the girl and he'd scoop her up into his arms. She wasn't heavy but neither was she light as a feather. All the gorgeous curves and boobs had weight. Burying her face into my chest, hands wrapped around me. There it was again, her freaking ankles just crossed upon reflex.

Back when I was younger, mom always had a word for it. She'd call younger versions of Regina 'sweet girls'. The kind of girls that dressed up in the latest fashion, always wore makeup, well kept long nails, curly fingers, and cute toes. The way they moved, you'd know them immediately. Kind of like really feminine. Not that I wasn't feminine but you get what I mean. There are different kind of levels. I wouldn't say I'm butch as Ruby often referred to other women as, but I'm more like half girly, half butch?

Oh look! A kitten darted across the hallway just as I was opening the door.

Staring in the direction in which it went, my boobs were boldly felt and she was already opening my shirt. Getting us inside as quickly as possible, I locked the door and taking a hold of my shoulders, her shoes met the floor.

She was slightly unsteady but really focused enough to engage me in the next scene that involved a very intense conversation. Well, it was practically a milestone for me, something I had been waiting on for such a long time.

"I love you," Regina whispered, moving in closer and fitting us neatly together.

"Babe, I love you too," I said softly, resting our foreheads together and planting my hands upon her hips.

Warm breath kissed my face. "I love...you."

I waited. She kept gazing at me. "I love you...back." I smiled then bit my lips.

"I love you...more." Her husky voice tingled my chest. She pouted, brown eyes blinking slowly.

"I love you more than...more," I said.

"How much...more?" I was frowned at.

"A million times more."

"A trillion."

"A million, trillion, zillion," I said.

"If I asked...anything, would you give it to me?"

I nodded, wondering on what level she was referring to. A lap dance?

She blinked. Then leaning in, parted lips brushed mine. But we didn't kiss. I savored the moment and waited, my chest heaving. "Move in with...me."

Of course my eyes flew open and I stared back, searching her face. I couldn't answer soon enough.

"Yes?" she nudged my nose with hers, fingers curling into my hair.

"Let's...talk about this tomorrow, okay?" I swallowed hard.

"No. I want an answer...tomorrow. When we wake up." My bottom lip was captured between hers and she sucked softly.

"Okay," was all I could manage, believing that hey, she was obviously high and this was just a hyped up moment.

So eventually, I dashed back downstairs to park my car in the lot because security was like unstable in New York most times. My poor bug was a major part of my life. Losing it would destroy me, especially since dad helped me buy the car and Neal was the one who found it. Lance, the guard on duty and I exchanged a few words about how busy the night was and I headed back upstairs.

She was lying face down upon the bed, arms splayed out, legs twisted. And fast asleep. Great. Checking her door, locking it. Double checking the windows. I peeled off my red leather jacket and slowly unzipped her red dress down the side. Then tugging it off, she was literally so drunk in sleep, it was an easy task. Stripped down to a matching pair of red lace lingerie, Regina was stunning between the light green sheets. Naturally, I was wearing a sports bra dotted with paw prints and a pair of those boxer panties.

Getting in beside her, we curled into each other and fell asleep.

xxx

The time came and went like nothing. But the memories remained intact.

Every single day we spent together, I completely remembered every second. She helped me move into her apartment at the beginning of October and it was amazing how we fitted in together so neatly.

To be honest, I used to be a messy person. I used to have my stuff thrown around the place all the time until living on my own changed me. Plus meeting her and admiring the way she lived and used her OCD to keep things in order, all of that kind of rubbed off on me.

My clothes were packed neatly inside her wardrobe because believe me, even within that walk in closet too, there was space. She had this part of the wall that was specifically for her footwear and mine too up like three holes only. Everything was neatly organized and I found that it was better to keep things that way because whenever we needed stuff, we found it easily.

Not forgetting how her condo was so fantastic, I never got used to it. I never could get bored after staring through the glass windows and pulling open the doors that led onto a balcony.

I never really got over her fancy bathroom with the shower system that had different sprays and a freaking seat. She also had a bathtub. Regina was such a neat woman, I loved that about her.

Everything was prepared. Every night, she prepared for the next day, ironing on Sundays and then hanging up her outfits upon this wall just near the closet neatly. Every thing was chosen beforehand, even her underwear. Preparation came first. And very soon, after automatically helping me out even though I begged her not to, I eventually fitted into the same mode.

She had this way of cooking mostly on the weekends and then keeping her food refrigerated in small bowls. There was this lady who often helped her clean and cook. Regina didn't want to send Nadira off even though we could both manage the cleaning because the lady who had come from India, she really needed the money. The woman had five kids and was a single mom. So we kept her on, and she helped us cook the most delicious Indian food I had ever eaten in my life.

The curries were my favorite. Regina loved them too. She also loved her pasta and mostly Italian dishes, that I couldn't pronounce at all or I couldn't remember. I eased myself into her veggie lifestyle and loved it. Always eating healthy, she was obviously never sick. She never got the flu, not even a cold. It was really amazing to think of, the fact that she looked after herself so well, it wasn't a routine. It had become part of her without effort.

What did I do with my apartment?

Well obviously I let it go. The condo was hers. She didn't pay rent on it, just the bills. And you can imagine how I felt really bad when my offer to help with finances was always brushed off. Eventually, I decided to surprise her with my growing lessons in cooking up random meals. Plus, I took her out but not like it was a steady thing because yeah, I was still solely thinking of my studies and stuff. I had to send home money, not that my parents asked me to but I did it. I did it because my mom and dad were really and truly the best to me.

Xxx

I woke up on October 24th and completely forgot that it was my birthday. Reaching over onto her side of the bed, my hand patted the sheet and an empty space so naturally, my eyes flew open and I stared.

Where the hell had she gone at 7am? Normally, even though Regina was an early riser, her brown eyes fluttering open at 5:30, I managed to push an hour and a half more. And she'd still be in bed with me when I woke up or inside the room.

So it really puzzled me.

That was until the bedroom door was pushed open and in she came with a red tray. Honestly, my heart flopped into my uterus because I was kind of shocked and completely confused. It's not like this didn't happen before because she oftentimes did it. But there was a cupcake on the tray and I suddenly noticed the gift wrapped in yellow shiny paper near my knee. And I freaked out.

"Happy birthday to you," she said, coming around to my side.

I sat up and was still sleepy, my eyes stinging. "Geez, I forgot my own birthday. Thank you." Of course my throat was aching, especially when she set the tray upon the bed and leaned in to capture my lips into a soft kiss.

"How could you forget today?" the plate with the chocolate cupcake was taken and rested upon my lap. "Don't worry, there's a larger version to this. But later." She dipped her finger into the thick chocolate frosting and slipped it between my lips.

I sucked softly, and smiled like a fool. "You know you don't have to really do much."

"I know that." The fork was taken up and I realized that yeah, she was actually allowing me to have something this sugary so early. "But you mean so much to me. I just can't let this day slip by without overdoing myself."

"Regina," I pleaded, smiling still, "aw, don't do too much, okay?"

"Your definition of just a little and mine might be very different."

I sighed and shook my head, as the fork was taken from me and she cut a piece of the cupcake. Then feeding me, I chewed and tasted a slice of heaven. It was so good, my toes curled immediately. Soft and melting in my mouth, the chocolate frosting was epic. Plus there were like four star sprinkles that were different colors and I couldn't help but think that of her picking it out for me.

"You did this on purpose," I pointed at the yellow unicorn printed cup it was in.

"Yes. Now, take your time." The tray was carefully worked on by graceful fingers. Watching her spread my toast with yummy cheese made me melt.

"I can't believe I'm twenty three. It feels so...odd."

Laughing hoarsely, her thumb wiped the corner of my mouth and she sucked off chocolate frosting. "That's a nice age. You suddenly get the urges to go out and meet people with the main purpose of finding that special someone." I was gazed at. "Oh wait," she said hoarsely, "you've already found her, correct?"

"Oh definitely," I beamed. "Absolutely."

I was fed even though my protests were given. The only thing that was allowed was me reaching for my glass of orange juice and sipping it. Other than that, my entire morning before work had me being treated like a spoiled brat. You can just imagine my eyes how wide they were when I opened the gift and discovered that she had gotten me a Kindle Fire. I mean, come on! I was totally obsessed with reading and that wasn't close to the best part.

Regina had downloaded over 400 books on it already, most of them classics. And I loved classics. I smothered her in kisses, climbing on top and kissing her until she was breathless because this was so awesome. She was so fantastic. Plus getting me into the shower and helping me take a warm bath? Making love to me slowly and passionately just to wake my mind up? By the time I was ready for work, my world had become so much brighter, all the sleepiness was gone.

Somehow, the guys had called her to talk about plans for the day. Mid morning, like around ten whilst Peter and the department were busy showering me with hugs and small gifts, I was told that the three stooges wanted us to have lunch together. Larry was in a really nice mood as he always was those days and he gave me two hours lunch break. What was amazing was the actual small things my coworkers got me.

Peter had bought this silver chain with a swan pendant and matching earrings. Anthony got me a 'lady tie' in black and dared me to wear it the next day. Max bought me a cupcake with ice cream in the middle. Larry got me a Cadbury Chocolate. I mean, they were so awesome, I was blushing my way through the morning until lunch. In fact, for the entire day, that's all I did, especially when Killian, Neal and Will took me to my favorite Chinese restaurant like three blocks away called 'Golden Swan'.

"Basic psychology states that you're as old as you feel," Neal said with a plate of fried rice and chicken before him. "How old do you feel, Emma?"

"I'm certain Swan feels as old as fifty by now, based on the era she attaches herself to," Killian added, "and I'm not referring to Regina first and foremost here. But the simple fact that you always seemed to enjoy the classics and the Victorian days."

Will sucked on his corn cob and was always the quiet one.

"Don't forget the obsession with black and white movies," Neal reminded him. "And Mister Darcy. Well she's found her female version of Darcy. Sophisticated, rich, dark and mysterious..."

"It is a universal truth that a woman of good fortune must soon enough secure a wife," Killian adjusted the quote from my favorite book to suit my life. "So who's Pingley?"

"Bingley," Neal corrected. "And that's you."

"Why me?" Killian's graceful fingers pried a piece of chicken apart.

"Bingley cozied up to Lizzie's sister. In this case, a certain young man can pass as the next best alternative."

I smiled at my friend who wore too much eyeliner because it was certain who that person was. Pretending that he didn't understand the reference, the topic was changed and Will began to tell me about the girl from my Taxation class that he really liked. Her name was Belle.

"Somehow at the exact moment he looks at her," Neal explained whilst I sipped my Coke, "she's looking at him. I don't know what else to call it but love."

"Perhaps she is inclined to him but is awaiting an approach."

Will stared at Killian, his eyes huge. "An...approach? You mean...walking up to her and announcing meself as interested?"

"Not boldly," guyliner, as we called him, carefully used his knife and fork. He was the only one who used cutlery like a pro. "A casual approach might be valuable. Introduce yourself. Ask her about her class. Walk her to her next class."

"Or take advice from Emma." Neal smiled at me. "She seems to have made a lot of progress more than any of us."

"What say you, Emma?" Killian asked softly, "on the matter."

"Well for me, when I think about it, she wasn't hiding anything from the beginning. I could feel that she...was interested in me but obviously I was confused and didn't know what to do."

"How did you manage to bring up the kiss?" Will asked, staring at me and hanging onto every word. "How did it happen?"

I frowned. "I really don't think I'd be of much help by telling you what happened to me. Because Regina didn't waste time. She just moved in on me. What I'll tell you though is this," twirling around the noodles with my fork, I nodded, "just be you. You're an awesome guy, Will. Nothing is wrong with you at all. You're decent, smart as hell and not bad looking."

"See, you can't get labeled as the handsome one right off the bat because the position is already taken," Neal explained whilst I rolled my eyes and smiled. "I am in first place. I will always be the most handsome man she knows."

"Oh don't fool yourself," Killian piped up, "dashing as I am, I don't often boast. But Emma knows I am far too attractive to be in anything other than first place."

"What about me?" Will stared around. "Can't a bloke like me get first?"

"Lad," his back was patted by Killian, "it takes time to build a charmer like me. You'll get there some day."

"Is he serious?" Neal stared at me and smiled, "he honestly thinks he's that handsome?"

"Mate, I am THAT handsome. My physique has been sculpted to perfection by hours spent at the gym."

Neal held his head and sighed. Will shook his.

"I have paid for this machine. Women often wish to use it but aren't quite brave enough to make an approach. It is basic knowledge that upon casting one's eyes onto a stunning piece of work, many are afraid to draw nearer. Admiring from afar..." he smiled at me.

I rolled my eyes, lips bitten.

The lunch was great. We spent an hour and a half eating and then the rest of the time, I kind of remained in the cafeteria downstairs and waited on her call. For close to forty minutes we talked on the phone whilst she was in her office. In a meeting, her end of the line was placed on mute whilst my usually focused boss and girlfriend delved into her first attempt at trying to seduce me over the phone. Honestly, you would have laughed your butt of if you heard some of the things Regina tried with me.

"Where are your hands?" she asked, her voice husky.

"Um," I tucked my cell between my shoulder and ear. My hands were held up. "They're...in front of me."

"Mine are very much south."

I swallowed, staring at the wall in front of me. "Wow. That's...intense. And it's just barely after one."

"Keep...talking," she said, the tone of her voice getting very hoarse.

"Okay, uh," I studied my nails and blinked, "so they took me to my favorite restaurant. You know, the one I told you about and you never wanted to go because you hate greasy food? Well, we went there. I had low mein and veggies."

"Did you eat with your...hands?"

I frowned. "No, I used a fork. Why?"

"Guess where my hand is, right now, Emma," she asked, her voice trembling my insides.

"I hope your door is locked." Trays were being placed upon the counter whilst staff wrapped up their lunch hour. "For the sake of both of us."

"I am so..."

I listened to her breathe hard and swallowed. "Turned on?"

"Yess."

"I wonder why?"

"I need you so much...right now. I've been desiring you since we last made love this morning."

Oh no. No, no, no. Not in the cafeteria! No way! She had no idea how many eyes could attach themselves to me right then. People were sitting next to me, around me, at the back and in front. Plus Peter and the gang was approaching fast. Closing in like a pack of wolves, their eyes shining.

"Regina, this is kind of awkward to say and I don't want you to hate me for it. But..." taking seats around the table I was at, the gang stretched off and considered me. "But I have company."

"Come and keep me company. I beg of you."

"Emma," Peter smiled wickedly at me, placing the black tie upon the desk. "Come on, don't be a chick."

I pressed my fingers onto the cell and stared at them with wide eyes. "What the hell? I have to wear it now?"

"I'm wearing yellow lace. Just for you. As you are aware," Regina said in my ear. "Come up and search me."

I was drenched in desire immediately. The guys dangled the tie in front of me and had no idea what kind of thoughts were running through my mind.

"Put it on, Swan."

"No," I whispered, waving them off and clutching my phone. "Go away."

"You...want...me to...go away?" Regina's voice was really getting huskier and she wasn't doing me any favors in that moment.

"No, not like that," I said quickly, jumping onto my feet and take a few strides away from the table. "I'm trying to be submissive. You know, whilst you dominate..."

"Ah, I see."

They were coming for me, rising up with their fists clenched. Peter was slackening the noose of the tie. Their shoes clapped onto the tiles.

"Regina..." I stared, eyes wide, "i have to go. Like right now."

"Stay on the phone, you bad, bad girl," she hissed. "Continue being submissive. I am savoring the moment."

"No, I mean I really have to -" ending the call soon enough, my arms were pulled back and the tie was slipped over my head. "Guys, don't use force! I am surrendering willingly!"

Peter fixed the tie under my red shirt collar and pulled the knot up. Standing back, he smiled widely and gestured for Max and Anthony to come forward and admire the scene. I stood there like a mannequin on display whilst three pairs of eyes and other addition ones considered me.

"She looks...hot as hell," Max whistled.

"It gives me an excuse to stare at the entire area around the tie," Anthony said wickedly, "so I'm not complaining either way."

"Hey!" I went forward and just like that, he dodged me and darted through the chairs and tables. The other two followed, splitting up. Rolling my eyes, I chased after them and really felt like a teenager but loved it. Because I couldn't remember the last time I was that playful and relaxed.

For the first time in a very long time, or maybe never had it happened before, Regina left work before I did. Passing her office that afternoon, surprise hit me like a tidal wave when Babs was packing up. Considering the door and wondering what was happening, if she had an emergency, I asked.

"Miss Mills left about half an hour ago," she informed me, reaching to turn off her monitor. "Surprise, surprise!" she made a dramatic move of shaking her hands in the air.

"Oh Babs," I laughed, "you know I love you."

"Whenever you're ready for us to elope, just leave an encrypted note somewhere," she winked and took up her handbag. We ended up walking out together.

"I can't believe the boss left so early."

Babs stepped into the elevator after me and shrugged. "She didn't say much. Except that it was very important and I believe that it's because of this mysterious woman she's seeing."

I lifted my eyes, lips bitten and stared at the elevator roof.

"Do you have any idea who this person might be?" Babs was studying the side of my face. "I don't wish to be intrusive but whoever this woman is, she's very special."

"Yeah?" I avoided eye contact, scratching my right ear.

"The look on her face when I ask about the other half is entirely something to witness. Every single day, I ask about this lady and the sheer happiness on her face is enough to get me through the day. I know definitely that love exists still in her life. At this point, she's captivated more than ever and I'm truly glad for her."

"Well you know what they say about love." I shrugged. "First Love is capable of breaking your heart. But only True Love can put the pieces back together."

"There is also one that says," Babs appeared pensive, "First Love is preparation. True Love is a revelation. Or so it goes."

"I love it."

The elevator doors slid open and we stepped out. I waited until her son pulled up his blue Nissan Sentra to pick her up. And then after we bid our farewells and she wished me a splendid afternoon, my car was approached.

As soon as I turned on the freaking engine, my cell rang. Believing that it was her, well, hoping that it was her, I pulled it out in all smiles. It was the unicorn with the fabulous hair flip.

"Happy Birthday 23rd birthday," Chad said cheerfully, "geez, you're so old now. You're old. Old lady."

I rolled my eyes and laughed. "I know right."

"Now your blonde hair will just look...totally gray," he teased me. "We totally need to buy you some wrinkle cream."

"Oh shut up," I shook my head and smiled. "You're just jealous that I'm a blonde unicorn and you're not."

"Says who?" he scoffed. "Did mom fill your head with that? I sweat more rainbows than you could in a week."

"Ha," I played with the yellow rubber on my steering wheel. "What's up?"

"Nothing much. Just calling you to give you an official warning that I'm kidnapping your butt for about two hours."

"Come again?" I frowned at the car in front of me that was backing up. The asshole had no control on his brakes and was coming back in a dangerous speed. I honked my horn.

"Meet me at The Tavern. Five minutes."

"Dude," I was now processing his request. "You're serious?"

"What's wrong with having your dose of Eva this early?"

"I AM NOT DOING MY HAIR AT FIVE THIRTY ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON," I said loudly, my chest fluttering with butterflies. "I am not doing my nails...again. I am not going to have her wax my eyebrows because it hurts. I'd rather use a freaking razor."

"Get your ass over here now or else I'll find you and haul you out your yellow bug," he hissed.

"You sound like your mom now."

"I am her son," he said smartly.

"What are you going to do to me in The Tavern?" I asked, fearing his orders, because the last time he gave them to Eva, she turned me into somebody I couldn't recognize. I remembered washing off my face before Regina saw me because it too much and I felt really weird, wearing a mask.

"I'm just going to do your hair, dude."

"That's what you said last time!"

"I thought your hair alone had to be done!"

"If you think that I will sit there like last time..."

"Look, she didn't even get to wax your back last time, so stop complaining."

"WAX MY WHAT?" my eyes were so wide, I thought they'd pop out.

He ended the call on me just like that and I sat there staring at the ass in the car. He was trying to rev up, smoke billowing everywhere. Rolling up my window, I coughed behind my hand and pulled into traffic.

One hour later and I stared at the crime committed on my hair. Although I told Eva, a lovely lady who reminded me of Queen Latifah to go easy on the length, she had cut off like an inch or more. Fuming in the chair, I smiled stiffly and my chest heaved.

"I'll go get the curlers," she said, winking at me.

"No wait!" I snatched her hand and swallowed, trying to smile sweetly, "forget about curlers. I don't want any...curls or anything like that."

"Then how about a...wash and dry?"

"What the fuck is this? A car wash?" a Rastafarian guy sitting in the next chair asked, dressed in a very colorful robe. "Will you wipe my window shields too?"

I snorted and bit my lips whilst Eva tapped me on my arm with a brush, a simple scolding. "No, it's shampooing, conditioning and after applying hair moisturizer, we use the hair dryer."

"Oh, 'cause my locks tender, yeah?" he felt his precious plaits carefully, eyeing himself in the mirror.

Chad was busy adding light brown highlights to his hair in another chair whilst Eva rested my head back into the sink. Turning on the water, she carefully continued to give my scalp a massage whilst shampooing. Her fingers were gifted, honestly. A soothing massage that relaxed me, my eyes fluttering close. I found my mind drifting off as the sounds around me were turned down. It was magical. Then after she had applied the conditioner that smelled like cherries and watermelon, everything was rinsed away and I sat up.

The styling was simple, but because she had layered my hair, I couldn't believe it was me at first. I mean, the way my hair hung down in one level. That had been my look. Nothing as fancy as this, totally making me look different. But just plain old Emma. As the guys would often call me, I wasn't exactly the diva kind of girl. I wasn't this...person staring back at me with long, choppy hair that was too shiny.

Moving in to assess his gift to me on my birthday, Chad was stunned.

"Woman, you look gorg!" he pressed well manicured fingers onto his lips and stared. "And by gorg, I mean gorgeous, honey."

"You're embarrassing me," I hissed, noticing a lady smiling from another chair. "This," I waved a hand over my face, "isn't me. I'm not this fancy."

"How do you like?" he did a twirl and displayed his new hairstyle. "It was actually Killian's idea."

"Oh wow," I stared back, completely new to the fact that guyliner would suggest a guy to change his hair for him. "That's surprising. I love it though. It suits you."

Pulling me up, I realized that it was 6:35 and outside was already dark. Getting caught up in a shampoo and wash was like really intoxicating, I realized. No wonder most times Regina came to get the same thing done to her. There was really something relaxing about that sprinkler moving through my hair and working wonders. It was like a stress reliever. Plus I sniffed my hair and loved the watermelon scent. Eva had gained my forgiveness from last time.

Before I got into my car, he handed me a gift bag that was so colorful, I tasted the rainbow immediately and ached for a packet of Skittles. Somehow, Chad always had Skittles and as if reading my mind, a half pack was pulled out of his pocket and he offered me some.

"Don't open it out here," he said, referring to the gift bag, sending me a wicked grin, "open it when you get home. And make sure mom is around. I'd pay to see her reaction but as it so happens, my sexy body is needed elsewhere tonight. Plus, I was requested to stay away and give the two of you some alone time."

My chest immediately fluttered and I felt all mushy inside. "Really? She said that?"

"Yup," he shrugged, chewing on Skittles. "I had plans for us to head out and party but maybe we can do it tomorrow since it's Saturday."

"Yeah," I shrugged and still felt really weak inside. "So what did she say exactly about tonight?"

"Mostly that you're to be left all to her. I shouldn't make any plans because she's being selfish with you tonight. And if you resurface tomorrow then I can take you anywhere I want us to go. But not tonight. I was actually threatened. My poor candy fund," he frowned, fists clenched, "has been threatened."

"She found your wallet?" I was surprised.

"Snatched it off of me yesterday, as a down payment in making sure that I don't party too much this weekend."

"Damn," I smiled.

"Anyway," he checked his watch, "it's seven so you should get a move on before I get a scolding. You know how it goes, mother knows best."

Shaking my head, I thanked him again for the hairdo and everything. We promised to talk about the gift the next day and I hopped into my car. All the way to her apartment, I kept wondering what she had done. Probably we weren't going to go out because it was a work night. But the thing about her was that she would go out of her way to spoil me. And like I oftentimes said before, I didn't really like the special treatment because that wasn't the kind of person I was. Even the Kindle had me feeling so mushy inside all day, I couldn't wait to get home and check it out properly.

Suddenly I remembered cutting her off at lunch and stared at the traffic.

"Oh shit," I muttered, gripping the steering wheel.

Parking in the lot at the side of the building, I wondered how far her hand had gotten. Like, did she complete the job without me? Was she pissed that I hadn't offered any assistance? Would I pay later for that? So much for being submissive. Just a note for you, I don't really like Fifty Shades of Gray and neither does she.

I climbed the steps instead of using the elevator as some kind of a punishment about that lunchtime. Call me weird but who the hell keeps their girlfriend hanging, just when she's really turned on and all alone? Plus, suppose I was about to walk into a very upset scene where she was probably angry at me or something? Knowing Regina, I'd pay later for that earlier slip up because nothing went past her just like that. She always made mental notes and fixed things. And my kind of fixing would be very...

Swallowing hard, I pressed the doorbell because she had to be home. Where else would she go? Checking my cell whilst I waited, there were no missed calls or texts. Maybe the punishment had begun. On my birthday! Getting out my card, I checked the hallway as she always did to detect anybody lingering out there with evil intentions. And then I slid it through the reader.

Ugh, I hated these kind of things. I hated using ATMS too because somehow my freaking card always got swallowed. Anything to do with cards, I didn't like. My ID card was a mess, big bushy blonde hair and a wide eyed look in a square.

The door clicked open after three beeps and I was washed over with the coolness of her AC inside the condo. Outside normally was warmer because the rooms sucked most of the cold air from the units. Or maybe the landlord was a cheapskate and didn't want to refresh the outside with AC units.

Anyway, my boots made no sound when I entered the dimly lit interior. Closing the door behind me, it locked on its own as usual, the bottom making a whispering sound whilst sliding across the red carpet.

"Regina?" I called out, depositing my car keys and card into the red marble tray by the door. Taking off my jacket, I hung it up on a knob and went in further. There was no sound except for the humming of the AC unit and my heart hammering away. "Are you home? Hello."

My eyes darted here to there, and I realized that there were shadows dancing on the wall. Moving through the living room, the red blinds by the glass doors leading onto the balcony danced in the breeze. Beyond it, I saw the flicker of something and wondered what it was. Taking tentative steps, that was my destination. And when I stepped out into the open air and my stare swept over the setting, you could just imagine how surprised I was.

There was this table set up outside in the space large enough for like seating six people. Covered in a red and yellow table cloth, simple and fantastic, she had lit these beautiful lamps, like three that were encased in rectangular shades. The flames flickered inside and still caught on although the wind was caressing my hair enough to flutter strands about. I noted two of her yellow Pyrex dishes placed upon the table neatly, two plates and cutlery. Two champagne glasses.

Tears filled my eyes and I couldn't breathe.

Hugging myself, I stared and felt my heart race like a freight train because no one in my life had ever done something this romantic for me. I had never received this kind of treatment on my birthday, even though my parents and the guys always did something simple but warming enough for me. Speaking romantic-wise though, because this was my first time being with someone, nothing like this had ever been experienced. To have her set up something so intimate and beautiful. She honestly made my heart melt so much, I couldn't help but allow the tears to cloud my vision.

"Do you like it?" she said from behind me.

I spun around and was totally caught unexpectedly. But when I thought that the scene behind me was too much to take in, Regina proved me wrong. She was wearing this strap dress that reached her knees with a wide flowing bottom from the waist downwards. A black belt.

"I...love...it", I whispered, staring at her cleavage, and the way the dress was cut out so that her waist was exposed. "God, you look so...amazing."

"All for you," she came forward and studied my face. "What did you do to your hair?" My face was captured between soft hands and she assessed the style.

"Chad's gift," I hoped she liked it and even if that wasn't the case, Regina would never say otherwise.

"Emma, It's absolutely stunning," she shocked me by saying, caressing my cheek. "And mmm," her face was buried into my hair, "you smell so good."

"Watermelons," I hugged her back and felt how she melted into me immediately. "A change from strawberries but I didn't have a choice."

Running my hands down her back, I felt exposed skin and realized that the dress really had a nice style. Something I'd take my time in drinking up. Then again, anything she wore looked good on her. Even my baggy pajamas with her dark hair disheveled. She was so soft to the touch, I felt like allowing my hands to roam so much more but restrained myself. After all, it was just the beginning.

"Cutting you off during lunch was really wrong of me," I said, resting our foreheads together. "I'm really sorry about that but the guys kind of grabbed me and did this." Reaching between us, I held up the black tie.

"Oh dear," she considered it with a smile. "It's okay. I'm quite fine right now."

"Did you..." I stared into her brown eyes and waited.

"Did I what?" Regina asked in her hoarse voice that always melted me. "Did I use my hand on myself?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "How did it go?"

"It wasn't...accomplished, to be honest," she frowned. "Nothing compares to the real thing. In fact, I used to be able to enact some kind of a moment before we became intimate. But afterwards, I simply cannot push myself into that area without your help."

"Good," I said.

She laughed and cupped fingers caressed my cheeks, "oh Emma. What must I do with you?"

"I have a list..."

Moving in slowly, she softly pressed our lips together and waited. It was something I had been waiting for since that morning. My entire body ended up becoming drenched in a wave of warmth that spread from our lips meeting to the tip of my toes. Melting into her, I was kissed so deeply, fingers raking through my hair. Heads tilting to move in closer as she bit my bottom lip gently and pulled.

"Barely touching on level one," she whispered, her chest heaving, rubbing our foreheads together. "Let's eat first."

"Good idea," I couldn't keep my face away from hers. Our lips danced closer and her warm breath flushed my cheeks.

Taking a hold of my shoulders, she turned me around and I was led to the chair. "Before we skip food," she said in an unsteady voice.

I sat and watched her disappear into the condo, returning within a minute with a bottle of apple champagne.

"To you," she touched our glasses together, "on this glorious day. To the love of my life. And my soul."

"Aw," I watched her take a sip, fingers clutching the glass in a very ladylike manner. "Stop making me mushy."

"I can't help it," she stated, taking her seat neatly and handing me a wooden spoon whilst the covers of the dishes were lifted off. Eyes lowered, my plate was filled with my favorite food of all time: baked beans, chicken salad and steamed veggies.

Did she cook all of this tonight? Because I hadn't seen anything like this in the fridge this morning. Unless Nadira helped too but I doubted it. That's why she had left early. To come home and prepare and I really felt so special, at first, my mind was just focused on everything she had done up to that point. Every single thing.

"What is it?" she frowned at me, her fork frozen above the plate of food.

"You're...amazing," I said.

"Thank you," she smiled. "So are you. On every level possible."

"You have no idea how much you mean to me," I croaked, my eyes filling with tears. "I can't even show how much I...love you fully because it's so intense."

Remaining quiet, she gazed at me.

The wind fluttered dark hair that had reached an inch below her shoulders. Honey colored skin was so radiant, I wanted to touch her right there and then.

"Trust me," she nodded, "Emma, I am fully aware of your feelings. Exactly how you feel, it is that intense on my part too. You might believe that you're the only one who crumbles inside. But oftentimes, I do too. I just express myself differently."

"I can't help...crying..." I tried to laugh nervously and wiped my eyes, trying to shrug it off. "I'm a mess."

"No, you're not." Reaching across the table, she took my left hand and squeezed it. Brown eyes filled with tears. "You're wonderful. And truthfully, we can both be messy because of our feelings at times. Like right now, you're drowning me and even though I try to be composed, my walls just crumble too."

"I'm sorry," I said, scooping up some salad, eyes lowered. "I'll try to stop being a baby."

"I love your baby side," she entwined our fingers. "I love everything about you. But I don't want to see you cry because you're sad. So let's just focus on happy thoughts and -"

"I'm not sad," I interrupted her, shaking my head and smiling, "I'm really, really happy. That's why I'm like this. I have no need to be sad about anything anymore."

"Well then that's good news," she inhaled deeply and reached up to carefully wipe her eyes. "Very good news."

We ate in silence for awhile and I just gazed at her without holding back. It's like looking at the world. Right in front of me. Knowing that I wanted her to be there forever and ever. In my life always. That's how I always saw her. Completely there and never letting me go. Because that's how she made me feel. As if there could be nothing else in this universe that would wash me over with contentment as she did.

Practically feeling giddy every single day when I thought about her. Feeling so nervous every single time when I looked at my phone and realized that she had sent me a message or was calling. Can you imagine being with someone who made you feel like if you were meeting her for the first time all over again? Staring and melting onto the floor when she passed by or smiled at you from across a room? Being near her and never feeling really easy at first but really prickly from feelings that sparked my body up just when she'd touch me. And the best feeling of all was when we caught each other in the act of gazing.

Like now.

She never looked away and I continued to gaze at her for so long whilst the flames flickered in those brown eyes.

As if getting me the most scrumptious cupcake wasn't enough already. Next came a severely delicious looking one that was most obviously dark chocolate. In a yellow and red box, it had been ordered by a private business from the looks of it. With chocolate frosting and rainbow sprinkles. Two yellow candles shaped into the numbers 2 and 3. I was actually in awe. Especially when she fixed the camera just upon the ledge of the balcony and timed it just to capture like twenty random shots.

"Make a wish," she reminded me, her cheeks glowing from the candlelight. "Go on." I was hugged from behind, our fingers entwined.

I blew out the candles and squeezed my eyes shut, wishing for a lifetime spent with her. Wishing for us to get married and to have a kid. Living together forever. It wasn't too much to ask for because we had gone so far already. Going even further would be expected. That's what I wanted. I wanted to do everything with her in my life. To share every other first experience with the one woman who had made everything so special already.

The first four were basically me cutting the cake and the last sixteen were so funny. Dabbing frosting on our lips and eventually moving in to kiss the tasty mess away. Her thumb moving over my mouth as I chewed. Her gaze becoming really deep, intense. Moving in, I kissed her just as the last photo flashed. I didn't let go. Blindly resting the fork upon the table and throwing my arms around her neck.

Next came the opening of gifts.

The first one was from Neal because she wanted me to save hers for the last. According to Chad, he wanted me to do the same thing. So I pushed the two bags in a corner and focused on the five other ones.

Neal had gotten me a collection of Grimm Fairy Tales, an old edition. Something I had always wanted. And just the smell of the old copy had me drowning in feels. Hugging it, she rubbed my back affectionately and smiled.

Next was Killian's gift. A wooden jewel box carved into two swan wings and polished to a shine. Knowing that he had made it was so much more exciting. I was really appreciative. Especially when the lid was lifted and inside was lined in yellow satin.

Will got me a cherry blossom Victoria Secret perfume and cream. And also a very nice card with kind words. To me, he was always the only one who managed to be really different in everything that was done. Somehow Will was like the kind of guy the sweetest girl would want.

Babs got me a box of scrunchies, you know, those fancy pony holders that had little beads and stuff on them? Like six colors that were super cute and really girly. I loved them, even after Regina threatened to steal them to wear instead.

Throwing her arms around me, her chin resting on my left shoulder, mom and dad's gift was pulled closer. They had sent it via mail and Regina managed to clear it easily because, well she had links. I can honestly tell you that every single year, my parents got me something that was totally unique and lasted for many years in my possession.

This year, they got me a pair of flat brown boots that were just a few inches above my ankles. The black lacing was just fantastic. The zippers were amazing and when I slid my feet inside, the softness inside was like cotton wool.

She wanted to claim those as well. But her feet were smaller than mine.

Next came her gift because Regina was growing impatient and wanted me to open it really fast. I took my time in pulling the stapled top of the yellow bag open, already noticing that it was from some fancy boutique. As soon as the mouth of the bag was parted open, the smell of cherries and watermelons and strawberries filled the air.

"Yum," I said, my toes curling, blonde hair falling into my face as I peered inside.

Reaching in between soft gift paper, I felt...kinky stuff! My eyes grew wide when green was pulled out because after yellow, I adored green. Any kind of green. Mostly the color of grass though. There was this lovely satin nightgown I took out, you know the long kinds that reached up to my waist and then there is the lace panties and a pair of short pants? Well, that kind of set. And the top had black lace trimmings.

"After you shower," she purred into my left ear, hugging me still from behind, "I want you to put that on. And to be as submissive as possible."

I swallowed hard and fingered the lingerie between my hands. "Can my boobs fit into this though?" the bra piece was pressed to my chest. I frowned.

"I don't mind..." she laughed.

Chad's bag was pulled forward next and when I opened it, the thought came to me that maybe this was part of a chain of events. Taking out this pink box that was so cute, at first I was like, yeah, perfume or lingerie. Because Chad was so unpredictable. You could have no idea what he was planning. And when I lifted the cover of the box open, my breath caught in my throat.

"Oh wow," Regina said, "Lelo Nea never displeases."

"What..." I took out the small pink device and stared at the stylish floral motif. "What's..."

"It's a..." she took the thing and placed it neatly into my right hand, the device fitting perfectly into a curve. "...It's a very cute vibrator."

I was literally so unsure of what to do, speechless and really nervous with the damn thing. Thank goodness she knew about it and helped demonstrate. Well...on the back of my hand, that is. As the button was pressed next to the plus sign, the cute little thing started to vibrate. Holding me closer, she pressed it upon my thigh and I twitched from the feel.

"He...got...me...a...sex...toy." Taking up the small pink card, I read:

**WHEN MOM'S BEING A BITCH AND SHE'S WORKING LATE, USE THIS. NAME IT AFTER HER.**

"I'll call it Regigi," I laughed, turning my face, our noses brushing.

"I hate this thing already," she scowled, "trying to replace me."

"It will never replace you. Ever. In a million years." Brushing our lips together, she smiled and before I realized it, my back met the carpet. "I need to shower," I protested whilst she fitted herself onto her right side, parting my legs. "Regina..."

"Yes."

"I need to take a bath," I groaned, as she she gently pried the vibrator from between my fingers, taking a hold of it. "I really, really need to..."

It was pressed snugly upon me and the soothing sensation was enough to make my eyes flutter close. Very soon, the curve of the device was moved up and downwards slowly. Our lips brushed and dark hair tickled my face, her warm breath kissing me as well. Skin flushed, I twisted under her whilst my body began to ache so much to feel more. To want more. For something more passionate because that's how we had become. Fingers buried into each other and curling, thrusting over and over again. Not something as softcore like what that device had to offer.

Before the clothes came off, I hurried to the shower and hopped in. Regina came after me, her head so filled with lust, she didn't even remember to take off her dress. Fueled by passion, the wet yellow cloth clung to a body that was seriously on fire. So hot was her skin to the touch, I peeled off my shirt and tossed it outside onto the tiled floor. Pulling me in, her mouth closed around my right breast and sucked softly, fingernails digging into my back as water showered onto us. Like rain. Making love in the rain.

Wetting her dark hair, strands clinging to a perfect face. She pulled me in whilst I unzipped her dress and peeled it off. Savoring the small black tube that was substituted for a bra. Her nipples were already erect and my thumbs encircled them slowly. I took my time but wanted to rush things so much. To allow the enormous waves of passion to wash over me like the water. Feeling how her body trembled like mine. All of it was so maddening, kissing her neck whilst she curled into me, our faces rubbing together.

"Dominate me," I whispered into her right ear, feeling how she was so in control already, an order like that would be easy.

"As you wish," the tremble in that husky voice curled my toes.

Pressing me onto the tiled wall, she took a hold of my legs. Hoisting me up, our hips moved together and my head was thrown back from the contact. The wetness between us that was so delicious, so hot. My legs wrapped around her and we kissed deeply, moans unearthed over and over again. Her fingers drove pathways into my wet hair and the soap was taken. Somehow we managed to lather each other with suds, and her hands cupped between my legs, making me shake from the orgasms that came so hard. I cried out her name weakly.

I was aching so much for her fingers to thrust into me but that was saved until we tumbled out of the shower and entered the room. With the lingerie fitted onto me, she remained in her red lace panties and no bra. Breasts full and heaving, I was climbed on top of and the Lelo Nea was cupped in her right palm. Turning it on, the humming filled the air whilst she rubbed it between my legs, the lace creating a barrier that was soon gotten rid of.

Somehow she had other plans that night to completely dominate me. My hands were taken and fitted into these leather restraints that weren't that bad. But the thing is, I couldn't free myself and no matter how hard the restraints were fought with, the grip grew tighter.

For the first time since we began being intimate, Regina made it impossible for me to turn the tables and take control. She made me plead for her to get rough with me. Her tongue flicking between my legs and moving away. Fingers entering me and her hoarse laughter filling the air when I curled up and felt myself about to climb over the edge but she stopped moving.

"What the hell?" I twisted around and stared at her.

"Beg, Miss Swan," she hissed, brown eyes flashing as her thumb slid between my legs.

"Okay, please," I simply said without pleading. "Give...it...to...me."

"Is that your best?" her eyebrows were raised. "Or do you want me to remind you how much you desire pleasure?"

"Oh Reginaa," I made a dramatic move of scrunching up my face, fighting with the restraints, "give it to me. Baby, just give it up. Give me a good time. Whip me senseless. Oww."

She stared at me. Her eyes blinked. "Seriously."

"Do you want me to turn over?" I asked innocently. "For you to spank my bottom?"

"You little twisted imp." My legs were grabbed and parted wider. "I'll give it to you."

"You can't even."

"Are you daring me?" she smiled in disbelief.

"I'm daring you to give it your best shot. Throw me into the pits of passion. Make my toes point. Make passion arch my -" Her mouth covered between my legs and started sucking.

Freezing up, I began to lose control when she used her teeth ravish me, a hot tongue pushing inside and devouring what was obviously hers. "Oh fuck," grabbing my hair, I arched my hips and felt how rough her games became.

Pushing two fingers into me easily, she crushed our lips together and kissed me senseless. Making my mind spin. Cracked open wide and spilling out with flashing desire. From the time our bodies moved together, I climbed over the edge and so did she. Shuddering over me, Regina held onto my shoulders and sat up, working her hips like a dancer gyrating upon a chair. It was all so maddening.

I couldn't even register in my mind what happened next. Except that we were lying on our sides, my hands freed and her hand was doing something unnerving with me. Pressing and delving inside, creating some kind of a pressure point that made me lose my mind whilst using the vibrator. Staring wide eyed at her, I couldn't believe how she was capable of making me work up a wave of passion like that. And wrapping a leg around her waist, our hips jerked together whilst the small device hummed between us.

Capturing her bottom lip between mine, I enacted a passionate kiss that drowned us further. Making her moan whilst our bodies covered in sweat and shook over and over again uncontrollably. Twisting upon the sheet and clawing each other, rolling over onto her with the device wedged between us and vibrating intensely. My mind was exploding, so much, I couldn't even focus on anything else but the waves of pleasure we were riding out. The thickness that overwhelmed me and forced my body to convulse as I fought to breathe.

So much for taking a shower before making love.

Wrapping her into my arms, we stayed like that but sleep never came. And I had to say, it was the best birthday ever. It was so incredible. I couldn't forget anything that had happened during the entire day. Every single moment, mostly the ones spent with her.

Eventually, realizing that we had pushed ourselves to the limit that night and couldn't sleep soon, I decided that talking would be nice. So hugging each other, we went to sit on the balcony ledge. With my back pressed onto the wall behind, she leaned into me, our fingers entwined as I embraced her tightly. Our right legs dangled off the side, toes touching the top of the windows beneath, feeling the lattice covering the roof, cool to the touch.

"It came in the mail this afternoon," Regina said, every word I felt through her chest. She held up the envelope. "From your parents, no doubt. The address is registered in Maine."

I held onto it because the wind wasn't that heavy but it could be snatched and taken away. Then pulling out the red and white card, I couldn't believe mom.

"It's this thing she does," I explained, both of us reading the note inside, "where she sends out Christmas cards early. Every year since I moved away from home, she sends me mine earlier to make sure of one thing. That I prepare myself to go home for Christmas. No excuses because I can't say she told me late about it."

"What an intelligent idea," Regina said hoarsely, our fingers brushing whilst she read. "Dear Emma, as always I'm sending you this and hoping that you can come home for at least Christmas Eve, Christmas day and the day to follow. You and your other half if she would like it. Please beg her to come. Your father would really love to meet this mysterious girlfriend of yours and I'd like to see her again. I'm looking forward to your reply. Say hi to Regina and we wish you to the best. Hugs and Kisses, your mommy."

"Mom loves you already," I said softly, resting our cheeks together. "I'm amazed actually."

"Why?" she croaked. "Because she loves me or because she has accepted your sexuality?"

"Both. I didn't even have to say much. She just...welcomed it without asking questions."

"Then that proves to me what a very nice daughter you were all through these years," she stated, "that your parents would never allow their religion to cloud their judgment. Accepting you regardless. That's what true parents do. Just as I have done with Chad."

"Yeah," I felt so good in that moment, I couldn't stop smiling. "My life is so, so good."

"And you've got me to thank for that, I hope."

"Absolutely," I hugged her tighter and she moaned, shoulders hunched, "one hundred percent because of you."


	16. And We Head Home For The Holidays

**Excerpt:**

**_Capturing our lips into a kiss, a hand roamed between my legs and I wrapped them around her. Especially when a warm finger slid into me neatly, the result was the loss of breath on my part. A need to just relax and let go, welcoming the slow rhythm that was created. She moved on top of me and I pushed back blonde hair, eyes growing wide when the edge was neared._ **

* * *

**(Emma Swan)**

**TUESDAY, 23rd of December**

**xxx**

Leaning against the car, I played with my car keys, twirling the yellow butterfly key chain about.

The sun was beating down on me. It was just nine in the morning and we were an hour behind on our plans. So naturally, someone was fussing, a headache already coming on. Even in the shower, she kept fussing about the time. Oh we could have woken up at five. We could have packed the bags in the car last night. Emma, hurry up!

As if I could turn back time.

So hauling the bags downstairs whilst she dressed, I chucked them into the backseat of my yellow bug. Two personal bags remained in the front seat and in her reach. Honestly, I had no idea what was inside the red one that had a lot of buckles. But she insisted that I deposited it into the front. So that's where it went without complaining.

If I could have turned the clock on nature, my choice would be to set Christmas a week later than it was. It was the day before Christmas Eve and we had taken five days off from Tuesday to basically returning to work on Monday. The week was perfect. Except that I had my period and you know how I am when that comes. Really edgy and in pain, feeling uncomfortable.

Even when she had introduced me to the Pill, I couldn't stay on it because of the nausea. Then I came off of it and tried Midol that made me sleepy during the day. But Midol Complete it was and always would be because all the discomfort was erased after drinking a dose. And if the only side effect was slight drowsiness, then I'd take it no matter what.

Toeing the road, I noticed that traffic was really getting heavy. The foot traffic too, as people passed by in a hurry, either going to work or on their way to shop up for the holidays. Regardless, we were heading out of town and through several towns before reaching Maine. Surprising enough, Regina wanted us to have a road trip instead of taking a flight. She felt that driving was a great way of giving us a chance to talk and stuff. Admiring the scenery and taking it easy.

So out the building she came, wearing a red short sleeved shirt and skinny black jeans. Clutching a red cooler bag under one arm and her handbag in the next, I realized that shit, I had forgotten to bring down the former. She didn't seem pissed about it but was already really annoyed or edgy or something. With her face scrunched up, shades pushed over dark hair, she pulled open the door and deposited the two bags inside.

I made an attempt to jog around to my side.

"Wait," she said hoarsely, focusing in my direction.

"What's up?" I went back around the car and was immediately pulled into a hug that stunned me.

Squeezing my shoulders, she rubbed our cheeks together and then moved our faces to the front. A kiss was pressed upon my lips softly at first and then I returned it deeply, never giving a damn about who was passing and watching us.

"Forgive me for being so...nervy this morning," she said to me in her softest voice, offering a smile. My hair was pushed back. "I didn't mean to take it out on you. We're in this together."

"It's okay," I croaked, my chest filling with emotion. "I could have gotten up earlier."

"You needed your rest," she assured me. "Let's not worry about that."

Blinking fast, my lips were bitten and I nodded, realizing that she was so amazing. She knew how moody I was, how this time of the month upset me, and after being slight edgy this morning about us running late, here she was being so nice.

"I love you, Emma," she said, taking my hands into hers.

"I love you too," I returned, smiling and trying to hold back tears.

Getting in the car, I pulled into traffic and we headed north, stopping briefly to grab two cups of coffee and a large paper bag filled with pastries. She took out a croissant and held out my coffee whilst I drove, making it easier for me to sip and eat. Very soon, we were on the freeway and driving easily.

"Do you mind?" I asked, gesturing to the radio whilst she chewed on her breakfast, eyes ahead.

Regina shook her head. "No problem. Go ahead."

I had been right all these months about her. The second I turned on the radio and Taylor Swift began to sing 'Back to December', Regina started humming. She was totally a Swiftie, I wasn't supposed to be surprised because of my early guessing. But I was! The way her head swayed whilst chewing, lips licked, I was enjoying myself for most of it.

The sun was so hot, it really got to me. Lucky thing I wore this long sleeved red jersey with a wide neck to get in some air. Because the heat would have really destroyed me. By the time I was an hour into the drive, the wind picked up speed and she occasionally reached across to press a cool rag onto my forehead and neck. Capturing my blonde hair up into a high ponytail, she used one of her red clips to hold it together, wiping my face gently.

"Thanks," I said, offering a smile. "You're the best."

"No, you are." She nodded. "For agreeing to us driving out. And if you feel the need for me to take over, then by all means, let me know."

We had agreed to split the driving in half but I intended to push myself enough to get us there without having her take over. Of course I wouldn't tell her my plan but she'd know eventually. Like I said before, nothing slipped by Regina.

From October to now, we practically went through the same pace of things. Gradually easing ourselves out whilst living with each other. Oftentimes, work got the most of our time, late nights and me studying for exams. Those nights when I had to stay up late to study, she'd curl up next to me and try to stay awake whilst helping. We'd work stuff together, busy busting our minds over sums and formula until one of us figured it out.

The theory for the most part of it wasn't that bad because I read, and I tried to understand things the old fashioned way. Creating scenarios in my head to help me get the picture. The best part of studying business management and working was that you could really relate the theory to your actual work. Things like organizational structure and management styles, marketing, all of it was not so bad to grasp. I just focused really hard on putting everything into reality and things worked out.

Plus the guys were always there to help me. So was Karen. She helped me as much as she could with Financial Management, offering work sheets and helping me when things got hard. But one thing I had to admit was that Regina was really good with maths and accounting. She was so gifted with those two aspects, I didn't even need Neal's help after her explanations were so easy to understand. Really and truly, she was so smart, I'd just explain which part of the subject I was studying and her elaborate tutoring followed.

Nothing major happened since my birthday, just that I had bought a laptop and was trying to get my UK Visa in order. Added to that, well you could call this part major, because Chad started studying law and was excelling in it. He hadn't been seen for weeks now, due to studying and working hard, his partying time minimized. Regina couldn't be more proud of him. Kay was in Miami still with her fiance Ron. Now because Regina and I had the apartment to ourselves, we'd spend all the time we got, mostly Sundays, just relaxing and being together.

It was amazing how my life had become so peaceful even though final year was trying to pressure me. In my most stressful times, she'd come in and ease away all the stress. A quickie or a full out love making session was enough to bring me back to the top of my game. Then I'd attack my work with a vengeance without stopping.

"How are you feeling?" her face turned to me.

I shrugged, "great so far."

"Drowsy?"

"Nah," I shook my head and smiled. "Just groovy."

"That's good," my right shoulder was rubbed. "Your exams are over. You have until February to relax with work only. I want you to really relax for the next five days."

"Same goes for you," I reminded her. "No work. No stress. No calls. Just some time off, okay?"

"Yes."

Three hours in and we stopped for gas. Whilst I was fulling up the car, she ran into the service station to grab something and use the washroom. Most times I didn't like to leave her on her own because she was really well known around the U.S. Some people would obviously hate the fact that she was openly gay and really rich, and my worst fear was that they'd grab her for ransom or something. You know, you're always fearing the worst when it comes to your loved one? So when she went off by herself to use the washroom, my eyes couldn't focus anywhere else but after her.

Surprisingly, just as I was paying the pump attendant, she came back outside, running fingers through her dark hair. Heels clicking on the tarmac, my eyes rested on the two cans of fruit juice and a packet of Skittles.

"Aw," I smiled widely when she handed it to me, "thank you."

"Just to spoil you but not to make it a habit," she rubbed behind my neck before handing me a can. "I heard that those kinds of candy make your mouth break out."

"When you over eat it, then," I tore the packet and shook out three. Offering her some, she declined. "Like chucking too much into your mouth, obviously it would be too much."

"Good," taking the packet from me, she folded the top neatly and pulled open the top of the can. "Drink up now."

I drank the entire thing and sighed. The heat was draining me but I didn't show it too much because she was assessing my face closely. Waiting on the chance to hop in the driver's seat and take over. It's not that I didn't want her to drive my car. But I didn't want to stress her out.

So we got back on the road and headed north again. After one pm and I spent most of two hours singing random songs whilst she considered me with smiles. Joining in a few, her hoarse voice was enough to keep me going, especially when I found out that she loved alternative music like Avril and Pink. You should have been able to hear Regina sing 'Please Don't Leave Me' by Pink. It was such a wonderful moment for me, I wished there was a way to rewind the song.

Very soon, the channel wounded down to music of the 70's and she didn't stop humming. Even I joined in because that was dad's kind of music.

"I remember when I was younger," I said to her, smiling whilst Elton John's 'Little Jeannie' drifted out of the speakers, "and dad used to play music all Sunday and during the week. He'd pull mom up after dinner and dance with her, right in front of me. And she used to tell me that I have to find someone who would dance with me. And that some day -"

"Oh no," she considered me with saddened eyes, "that's something we never really did. I'm so sorry."

"No," I shook my head fast, "don't worry about it. Really. It's just that it hasn't happened as yet. Plus we don't usually play music just like that, always savoring the peace and quiet. But she used to tell me these things. That's what I'm trying to get at. Like these things I should do with this perfect guy. Having him wash the car, cook, pamper me. And honestly, I used to laugh because I wanted to play dad's role."

"Aw," she caressed my right cheek with cupped fingers and smiled. "You wanted to be very responsible and in control of things. Making everything comfortable."

"Yeah," I nodded, "like making whoever I ended up with very contented by doing whatever I could. Like playing the old fashioned guy role, in other words."

"Opening doors for me, pulling out the chair for me to sit, that kind of behavior."

"Exactly. So I knew I was different to begin with because I mean, which guy would want me to do those things for him?"

"Chad," she said.

I laughed and so did she.

"No but in all matters pertaining to being very gentleman-like, I have brought him up to be quite respectful. He's very well mannered in those instances." Taking up her red water bottle, the top was pulled open and so was the plastic straw. "His father was never the kind to even make an effort because he always told people that he had one daughter, not two." Pressing the straw between my lips, she allowed me the chance to suck up water.

"Asshole," I muttered, eyes focused forward.

"He doesn't even have a good looking ass," she stated in her husky voice, "what a hairy beast."

"One other thing I can't stand about being with guys. The hair." I shuddered.

"You prefer skin soft to the touch, like mine. An abundance of cleavage and lots of curves."

"Damn right," I gripped the steering wheel and smiled widely. "Plus, the sweet smells and soft lips."

"All me," she professed proudly, her fingers curling around the red rag.

"You're so...you're always sweet smelling and I have no idea how you do it," I said, overtaking a car, my blinker on. "Like, even when we get all sweaty and we spend an entire day at work, you still come home smelling all good and perfect. Do you sweat Victoria Secret or something? Is that Victoria's Secret? Do you know it?"

She sighed, eyes ahead. "Emma, I am very serious about my hygiene. What I eat, everything else. You're aware of that."

"Yeah but my feet stink."

"That's because you refuse to soak them in the salts I have and your feet sweat more than mine. It's natural. I've told you oftentimes to use the powder."

"I keep forgetting."

"Then don't complain. Besides, it doesn't bother me. It's not something I focus on. And yes, you always do smell very nice as well. Even when you're hot and sweaty."

I didn't even know that and was glad about it.

Very soon, I didn't want to tell her, but my cramps kicked in. Like five hours into the drive, my legs began to hurt really bad and I wanted to pop Midol but it was too soon. Plus she'd get the message and take over. So as stubborn as I was, Emma sucked it up and pushed ahead.

"She used to have us take family photos every single year," I was telling her, gripping the steering wheel. "Even up to last year and she'd keep them in an album."

"Tell me about your best memory whilst growing up with your parents," she asked softly, reaching out to massage my right thigh. "What stuck with you up to this day?"

"Well," I frowned and tried to focus through the pain, "there was this one time when I had to take dad to school for career day. Everyone knew mom was a teacher so they didn't really want to hear her story. But dad came in wearing his uniform and told the class about his job. And I remembered everyone really admiring what he did. I kind of cried from being so happy. Plus right after, mom came in and shared out cupcakes. Looking back on it now, they used to be too sweet and oftentimes it would make me feel weird. But it's when you're separated from your parents, then you realize what the small gestures meant. Like kissing me even when I was in high school, before I left the house. She used to do it all the time until I told her I didn't like it. Now, I just miss her kisses."

My voice was unsteady and Regina noted that. Using her thumb, she caressed my forehead. "You'll see them very soon. Don't worry, sweetheart."

"Plus, mom would just treat me every time I got good grades. Whether it was ice cream or a book..."

"She sounds like the world's best mom," Regina said softly, "and your father too."

"You'll like him a lot," I told her, "he's really cool. Not like all the crappy men there are out there."

"I don't doubt that," she rested her hand upon my midsection and I stiffened up. Frowning, brown eyes assessed my face. "Emma, are you cramping up?"

"No," I lied, trying to smile. "I'm fine."

"Emma..." she croaked, leaning forward and caressing my face, "are you? Please don't lie to me."

I sighed, my eyes on the road. "Yeah..."

"For how long now?"

"Since like an hour ago."

"And you never said," she scowled. Her eyes searched the road ahead. "Stop the car."

"I can drive it out, okay?" I said in a strained voice. "Don't worry about it. I can do this."

"Okay," she nodded, and inhaled deeply, focused on me. "But I want you to stop the car for a few minutes. Just to rest your feet."

Swallowing, I turned on my signal and pulled into the parking lot of a mini mart. After doing so and turning off the engine, she reached down for the red bag I had been wondering after and sat it upon her lap. Then unzipping it carefully, dark hair falling into her face, Regina pulled out a yellow teddy bear that was so cute, I literally awed immediately.

Tears came to my eyes when I realized that it was the one she had gotten me since two months ago. It was basically a heating pack buried within a teddy bear that helped me soothe my cramps. Gently arranging it in my lap, I was asked to hug it whilst she lifted my jersey up so that the fur came into contact with my stomach. Then taking out a packet of mini chocolate treats, she gave me one at a time to each slowly. But just three.

"Thank you so much," I said in a whisper, turning to her with my eyes wet. "Regina, you're so..."

"You don't have to thank me," she said softly, helping me press the teddy bear closer and rubbing my lower back, "this is natural. It is something I want to do."

My eyes squeezed shut and I swallowed hard. Because this was so perfect, I couldn't understand how in the world she was this amazing. How could I find someone like her in my life? Someone who knew the right things to do around every corner. Someone who kept on giving me so much without stopping.

"Pull your feet up," she suggested, "and sit on them."

I did that and felt immediately relieved, clutching the teddy bear.

"It looks like it's going to rain," the radio was turned down, her eyes focused upwards, "later on. Perhaps when we get there. Let's hope so. Because driving through rain is a bitch. Especially in your little yellow machine that has no AC."

"I was supposed to get it fixed but to fix it, it's better if I just buy a new car. And I don't want another car."

"So...you'd...rather suffer through the heat instead of having me help you pay down on another car."

"You know me too well."

"Do you want to change your jersey?" I was gazed at intently. "I have a shirt here in the bag."

With basically two hours to go, I decided to do that and she wrapped the cool white shirt around me whist I pulled up the red jersey in the car. Then slipping it on, I felt so much better, it was totally a glorious feeling.

"Do you want to drink a packet of Midol now?"

"Can I?" I turned to her and frowned. "I drank two just six hours ago."

"Then let's try an Advil," opening the clasp on her brown handbag, she reached inside and pulled out a bottle. "You can mix Midol with Advil but never take more than two Advil."

I was given the pill and downed it with juice. Resting my head back, my face was kissed with cool air that found us somehow through this heat. Very soon, she forced me to get into the passenger seat and took over. Regina drove my car like a pro immediately. I sat there and watched her fingers rest upon the steering wheel whilst checking the mirrors and adjusting them.

"It's not a problem if you fall asleep," she assured me, throwing a glance in my direction. "I'll wake you up when we get to Maine. It's a simple route from now till then."

"I'll sleep when we get there," I said softly, never wanting to leave her alone to drive. "Besides, I'd like to hear a little about your life. Maybe something you never told me before."

"Hmm," she squinted her eyes and inhaled deeply. "Well there was my childhood too. Most of which was very stressful because of my mother."

"What's your best memory of her?"

She carefully overtook a jeep and took some time to answer. "I have none, Emma. Nothing at all."

It pained my heart to hear her say that because after all, that really meant that Cora was a fucking monster. Geez, how could you be so mean to someone like Regina? She had to have been the perfect daughter and there was actually a mother who never loved her back enough.

"I wish I could photocopy my mom and help you relive your past with her," I said softly, "she would have treated you like a mother is supposed to. Mom was so loving."

"It's not something that I wish to relive," she confessed, gripping the wheel, "my past basically made me into the woman I am today. Constantly being neglected by my mother, I grew to become a very compassionate one. Added to that, I became a perfectionist and everything she wished me not to be. So as a form of payback for everything she wronged me with, I am living a life that satisfies me. Whilst it makes her boil in fury."

"Yeah, that's true."

"How are you feeling?" she focused on me. "Has the pain decreased?"

"A little."

"Do you want something to eat? Perhaps a pastry?"

"Nah," I felt nauseated by just thinking of pastry because truthfully, I didn't really like them. "It's okay."

"I brought oatmeal cookies," she offered, "I know that you might not want to eat. But oatmeal helps. It's in my cooler bag. Near your feet."

I took up the bag and unzipped it. She had packed them inside a plastic bowl with a red cover labeled 'Emma' and I felt so mushy inside. Taking them out, the cover was peeled open and I found that munching on them wasn't that bad. In fact, I ate all ten without stopping.

Bastille's 'Pompei' filled the car and I drifted into the movie. We had watched it about a week ago and the love story had been so captivating, I couldn't forget it. Doing research on the city itself, I came across the artifacts that still remained. Sharing them with Regina, of course she already was aware because of the historian she was. But retelling everything to her wasn't that bad.

With one hour left, I fell asleep without even realizing it. My mind drifted into a dream that entailed her. All her. And she was curled up in my arms whilst we sat in this hammock under a tree. Gazing out at an expansive field, lush green grass and the cool wind. When I woke up, I felt really stiff and extremely uncomfortable. Immediately noticing my discomfort, Regina stopped the car in a parking lot attached to a motel.

"Relax," she said softly, turning off the engine and helping me push my chair back. "Are the cramps back?"

"Pretty much, yeah," my mouth felt dry and the nausea was still there.

"Turn your feet this way," I was told. Doing that, she slipped off my boots and began to massage my lower legs, fingers pressing into my skin. "It looks like we only have half an hour or less to go. So you'll get time to rest soon."

It was magical, the way she soothed my pain. My legs weren't so cramped afterwards and working her way up my thighs, you can imagine how pleasurable that was for me. Somehow, she was aware of all the small things to do, just to make the moment less stressful for me. Fingers moving between my legs as she carefully created a rhythm that made me draw nearer to the edge. As weird as it was, I gripped her hand around the wrist and closed my eyes, savoring the moment whilst she made me tremble from the flutter of orgasms. Over and over again, I was massaged and twisted in the seat until there was no hint of pain.

Starting the car, she pulled into the road and we were on our way again. This time, I sat up and felt so alive, fully alert and ready.

It's safe to say that mom and dad were living in Portland. She knew by now and it wasn't a secret because they told me it was okay to tell her. I mean, you couldn't keep something like that from your partner. So when we drove into the town, the first thing she admired was the serenity and the change of scenery.

Living by the docks, my parents were part of this residential area that was really quiet all year round. The houses had no fences and at nights, mom often told me that the wind was so nice, especially the sound of waves crashing onto the shore.

We pulled up into the driveway and I realized that they had painted the house a light green. Dogs barked as we finally got out and stretched our legs, Regina leaning against the car and bending hers slowly, clutching the keys.

It took mom half a minute to come rushing out with her arms outstretched. For dad, it was close to two because he usually followed right afterwards.

"Oh you're here!" she rushed outside and onto the wooden bridge, embracing me tightly, "you're really here! I'm so thrilled! This is so glorious!"

"Mom," I froze up, "I can't breathe."

"Oh stop it, you," my cheeks were patted whilst Regina stood awkwardly in front of the car. Mom didn't waste time. She turned to her and gasped. "My darling, I'm so glad you came. How are you?"

Dad and I watched them hug and he sent me a look before giving a tight one himself. "How are you, sweetheart?"

"All good," I smelt Old Spice and savored it, eyes watering because I hadn't seen him since January. "How are you doing?"

"Same old, same old," he smiled at me. "You did something to your hair."

"Yeah."

"And you're glowing."

"I guess?" I inhaled deeply and reached out to take Regina's left hand. Although he approved already, I still felt extremely nervous because I had never introduced them to anyone like this. "Dad, this is the super girlfriend I kept telling you about over and over again on the phone." I pulled her in nearer.

"Well she does live up to the descriptions," he smiled and offered a hand, "it's nice to finally meet you. I'm David."

"Regina," she said softly, and my hand was squeezed, me knowing that she was slightly nervous. "It's a pleasure to meet you too. Both of you."

"Oh but you do look really tired," mom took a hold of Regina's right shoulder and frowned. "Why don't you two come inside and relax? I'm sure that it's been a very long day."

A very long day it was indeed.

Xxx

**(Regina Mills)**

Perhaps it was the dreadful heat indeed.

The rising of temperature that terribly affected my mind and was capable of enacting a slight migraine.

Nearing the hour of six, the glorious sun was sinking low in the west behind a cluster of trees. My skin was sticky. The need to take a shower was increasing. And even as the wind tried to soothe my face during the time spent on the bridge, I still could not refresh myself mentally.

I was a woman who was severe on her hygiene. Someone who reveled in the thought of making grand first impressions. So after traveling for over seven exhausting hours, of course the first thought to imprint itself into my mind was simple. That Emma's parents would find me quite flustered, my face horribly oily and my clothes creased too much.

I found it rather hilarious in relation to Emma's mother in particular. For she was quite a body of energy and cheerfulness that simply could not be possible on a never-ending basis. Her face was glowing from some inner fountain of youth that I wished to have a chance to tap into for my own benefit. But nevertheless, such things could always be a wish. On my part, I had never been gifted with the 'age and gain more energy' gene. Yes, I aged like wine as Emma often declared to me. However, Snow Mary Swan was a bundle of sparks and fire.

With an arm wrapped around me, I was led inside. I noted Emma slipping off her boots and did the same. Placing them neatly next to hers by the door, we stood up and she sent me a look that displayed utter exhaustion. So we were on the same boat then. How fantastic. When arriving at the parents' house was supposed to be done with a sense of liveliness and by all means happiness, here I was about to curl up into a deep sleep.

Well apparently my other half had left out how plentiful the religious decorations were around her parents' house. From the moment my eyes swept the walls, I pinpointed about three crosses and various pictures of Mary, Jesus and the 'Last Supper'. Upon a small round table with long legs, a Bible with a red glossy cover was neatly placed. There was a sense of peace and warmth within the house. And I immediately felt relaxed from the candles burning here and there.

"This," David said, rubbing his palms upon a pair of black jeans, "is the living room." He smiled at me whilst Snow fussed with Emma's hair near the small television. "It's very small but spacious."

"It's very nice," I smiled back, still feeling a hint of nervousness deep within.

"Come see my kitchen," Snow beamed at me, gesturing to the right. "Emma tells me that you're a fantastic cook. That you bake the best apple ciders. That you're great with Italian food. Pasta, lasagna, and the like…"

I trailed after her and into a cozy kitchen that was yellow and green themed. With a small stove, four burners right next to the sink, the wares were neatly packed, cupboards simple and white. In fact, it appeared to be quite homely. Very simple and comfortable. And gazing out the square windows that overlooked the docks and a clear view of the river, I found myself getting lost in the scenery.

Imagining Emma growing up in such a wonderful home was something that stung my heart. I was thrilled to see such a closely knitted family, one that treasured their daughter, regardless of her choices. In addition to that, their decision to welcome me into their family, at such a dramatic point in time, it was really touching. Because when you would believe that a religious family would throw shade upon our attachment, here were two Christians that didn't mind.

"Will you girls stay with us?" Snow stood next to me by the window still. "Or would you rather stay at Granny's Bed and Breakfast just a corner away? I'd love for you to stay here. Both of you can have Emma's old room."

"I…really wish not to create any kind of inconvenience," I shrugged, my fingers curling upon the yellow tiled counter.

"No, no, no inconvenience caused at all! You can save your money, be as comfortable as you like here. And make this your home."

Emma entered the kitchen and I turned to gaze at her. Was she feeling well? I ached to know that and tried to send a message between our eyes. Blinking, her chest heaved and she sent me a small thumbs up sign. Inwardly breathing out a sigh of relief, I drifted back into Snow's rambling about her desire for us to stay there.

"Oh no," Emma's emerald eyes widened. "No mom, it's alright. We'll stay at the Bed and Breakfast. It's totally fine." She held up her hands and I stared back, wondering why there was this sudden defensive display.

Remaining silent on the matter, her parents continued to insist that we remain with them for the upcoming five days. I decided to heed to what she desired and that was the end of it at that point.

We were given a tour of the house, and David pointed out to Emma all the renovations that had been made. For me, Snow managed to elaborate on everything in fine detail, never leaving out the reason why everything was positioned exactly where they were. I noted the way her parents oftentimes kept clinging onto each other and realized that Emma's expectations about love had been highly placed most likely from a young age.

To witness her parents lovingly attached to each other was something that obviously remained imprinted in her mind. Something she had always desired. And that's why we were this close for such a long time now. That bond between us was entirely strong and secured by a belief in her heart that relationships were supposed to be exactly like the one her parents' had.

"Why don't the two of you freshen up upstairs and use Emma's room whilst deciding if you'd like to stay or not?" Snow's round face went deep into thought. "Then we'll have dinner and catch up."

"That's nice," I said.

Emma was still gazing at me as if something was out of place and I frowned. Perhaps I had said something wrong? Was there some hidden message between Snow's lines? Surely a mere invitation as was offered couldn't be that intrusive? Then again, Emma had a tendency of speaking truthfully to me when we were alone. So slowly separating myself and moving to the front door, she followed as expected.

"Are you okay?" we lingered outside the door upon the patio whilst David went to the car.

I shrugged. "Yes. And you?"

"Yeah, yeah," she avoided my eyes and I carefully took a hold of her shoulders.

"Emma, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Trying a smile, I could already detect that there was an underlying cause for her simple lie.

"Speak to me," I said in a low voice, moving in and entwining our fingers. "Is something wrong? Did I...say something out of line?"

"No," her head was shaken, blonde hair falling into a flushed face, "it's not that. It's just that...I...I'm really glad you're here. And my parents are being so nice. It's not something I ever dreamed of."

"That it would be this easy?"

Hanging her head, she sighed. "Yeah, exactly. I mean, bringing home a guy, I always used to expect lots of questions and defensiveness. But they really seem to like you. Especially mom."

"Well we've just arrived," I pointed out. "Perhaps the interrogation will come later in the evening or tomorrow."

"Don't feel intimidated or anything," she assured me, "I'm here, no matter what."

"I know that. But I can take care of myself too. You're aware of that."

"That's true." She smiled. "And as soon as we freshen up, we can get a room next to the Diner."

David jingled the keys and waited by the opened gates. Smiling at us, we smiled back and Emma turned to me.

"I don't mind staying here," I said to her. "Whatever suits you."

"No," she frowned. "Whatever suits you, not me. This is all about you, okay? I'm not going to put myself first this Christmas. You come first. Do you want to stay here?"

I took her shoulders and we drew nearer. "How about we get the bags, assess upstairs further, and we'll make that decision together eventually?"

Nodding, she rested our foreheads together and although the need to kiss her was overwhelming, I restrained myself. However, a soft peck was offered upon my right cheek and I melted. Lingering near, we savored each other's warmth and then she made her way to the car to retrieve our bags.

"Go inside," I was told, as she waved a hand in my direction. "I'll take care of this, don't worry."

Standing there, I rubbed sweaty palms upon my skinny black jeans, shoulders hunched. Assessing them pulling out the bags, Snow called my name. Upon turning around, she smiled and gestured for me to accompany her into the house.

Whilst our bags were hoisted upstairs, her mother and I stood in the kitchen with the backdoor opened. A glass of lemonade was poured out for me, and it tasted quite refreshing. Not too bitter. Not at all too sweet. But just perfect. I sipped and licked my lips whilst Snow pointed out the closest house to the east and highlighted the owners as a doctor and his wife.

"So naturally when I fall ill, which is rather seldom," she smiled and leaned upon the counter, "Doctor Whale is easy to reach. Most times I just walk over. House calls are free of charge since we've known each other for years. I take advantage of them."

Her hand neatly brushed upon the counter, eyes lowered. I found myself remaining silent, unsure of how to approach the conversation. Should I speak as often? Would I come across as slightly vocal and severely bold on answering promptly? Deciding to smile and only that, I was studied with kind eyes.

"I heard that you encourage Emma to attend church. That's sweet of you."

"Yes," my eyes were lowered.

"So have you always been inclined to the...same sex?" her hands were held up, "I know I'm being too rash so soon but I'm just curious about you. All the maternal instincts are kicking in, just for me to know that she's with someone who is as amazing as she claims."

"Well, I've always...known," I stated, my chest filled with strain.

"Then why did you get married to a man?"

Our eyes met. "I'd like to think of it as a chain of events. Everything happens for a reason. What led me to this point was a strained marriage that was meaningless. And on the way, I discovered that concealing everything wouldn't last forever."

"And you met Emma," she smiled, clutching her glass of lemonade.

"Yes." I nodded.

"All sorted," the very person in question proclaimed, waltzing into the kitchen. "Bags upstairs." Our eyes met. "Ready when you are, to show you where you can shower and change."

Biting my lips, I drained my glass and it was taken from me when my intention was to at least wash what had been used. Snow stepped in and shooed us away.

Naturally, my first thought was that this felt entirely like high school. When I hadn't been privileged enough to get involved in romances at that age, a certain amount of certainty was attached to the drama that usually occurs in that time of life. The boyfriend visiting the house to obviously assist in homework or studying. The parents sending them the same look Snow had thrown at us before the couple drifted upstairs.

At least David was quite easy on the look he sent us.

"I think your parents believe that we're going to make out," I whispered as she slid an arm around me and we ascended the staircase.

Smiling in response, I tugged at her arm.

"Emma, am I the only one who detected that impish look on your mother's face?"

"Oh lighten up," she wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. "You've passed the test already."

"Yes but we're only half an hour in."

"I'm so tired," a yawn was muffled behind her right hand. "Are you?"

"More than ever," I rested my head upon her shoulder and felt groggy.

When we were presented with her old room before us, I couldn't help but grin. It wasn't the fact that it was painted in yellow and pink. But the unicorns dancing across the wallpaper was very cute. In addition to that, her bookcase, as I noted whilst assessing it, was still filled with fairy tales. With a simple bed that could fit two easily, painted in yellow, Emma's bedroom was fit for any teenager who refused to grow out of her childhood days.

"Ignore the Hello Kitty stuff," she groaned, snatching up a pillow shaped like a cat's head and hugging it. "I was obsessed with it. And then when it phased out, I just...kept the things about the place."

"This is very adorable," I gestured towards the racing car set displayed upon a ledge that ran next to her bed.

"I kind of hated dolls..." she seemed really awkward. "Dad bought me stuff that were mostly for boys. Like trucks and blocks and those sets that have screwdrivers and build it yourself tools."

"Quite a handyman from a young age," I noted, hugging myself and refusing to pry further because it appeared that her stiffness was attached to every move I made. Every comment. Everything that was picked up to be examined. "This is a very nice room."

"Yeah well," she gazed around and sighed, "it's not really nice when your girlfriend comes in and finds that you were too childish to ever want to grow up."

"Emma," I moved closer to her and took a hold of hunched shoulders, "nothing in this room dulls my belief in you. In fact, getting to see this side of your life is really soothing to me because this is something I never really had. Yes, I had a room and such things. But my mother was too strict to even have me delve into my childish fantasies. So to come In here and take a glimpse into your childhood, I'm really in awe."

"Really?" she considered me with wide emerald eyes.

"Yes. And Hello Kitty is quite acceptable in my opinion. "At least it's not...Dora, the Explorer. Oh how I find that show entirely annoying." I shuddered from remembering the turn of cartoons into this century.

"Thank God I didn't have to put up with that show when I was younger," she said, lightening up, "I had Bugs Bunny, Scooby Doo, The Little Mermaid..."

"I had black and white movies at the cinema and an endless amount of books. No television."

"Yeah, I remember you telling me that before," she handed over the pink Hello Kitty pillow and I hugged it. "I can't imagine not growing up without the telly. My parents were really strict but not like that strict. Do you want to shower first?" Hoisting my red bag onto the bed, she flexed her fingers. "I can wait."

"I'd prefer if you went along before me," I said softly, unzipping the bag and pawing around inside. My clothes had already been sorted for each day and I took out a neat pile that consisted of a long sleeved red jersey with a turtle neck and a pair of blue jeans.

"Okay, I'll go ahead then." Her yellow bag was taken up and she took out whatever was needed whilst I retrieved the medical pouch.

Taking out a packet of Midol, I set it upon the bed and then placed the yellow teddy bear with the heating pad buried inside nearby. Whilst she went across the hall to shower, the crash of the waves drew me to the window. Lifting up the latch, I pushed it outwards and admired the view from above. She had a beautiful expansive scenery of the shoreline, a pathway leading out and just under her window. I tried to envision Emma standing there when she was younger, gazing into the water and felt quite relaxed.

Then returning to the bed, my hair was tied up whilst I pulled out a dark red towel.

After showering, I entered the room and locked the door behind me. She was standing by the window, wiping her hair between a navy blue towel, already dressed in a pair of khaki cargo pants and a blue tank top.

"So did you oftentimes sneak out through that window?" I startled her and she considered me with wide eyes.

"No, not really." Emma laughed. "I used to throw stuff down though. To my friend."

"Your friend?" Carefully unwrapping the towel, her eyes focused on me and I felt myself grow breathless from the scrutiny.

"Yeah, this girl I used to hang out with. A long time ago." Her bare feet padded upon the wooden floor as she came towards me. "Mind if I kiss you?"

"Not at all," I turned into her, and she took the towel from me, balling it between her hands.

Leaning in, our lips were brushed together and my entire body was awakened from a simple touch. Eyes fluttering close, my toes curled upon the floor whilst she began to gently wipe the beads of water from my skin. I was already washed over by desire when the kiss deepened. Tilting my head slightly, her shoulders were taken and I found the tension from a scorching day slip away slowly whilst we kissed. Moaning into her mouth, my hands roaming and entirely enjoying what was felt.

"Is the door locked?" her voice was raspy, eyes fluttering close.

"Yes," I swallowed, cupping her face between my hands. "Why?"

"I just want to..."

When her warm hand slipped between my bare legs, I shuddered and curled into such warmth. How our bodies reacted and combined, melting into each other. The way I was handled delicately.

"I've always had this fantasy," she walked me backwards and my legs met the softness of the bed, "but it never happened. So here goes."

"You're naughty," my voice trembled and we tumbled onto her bed that was soft and quite comfortable.

Capturing our lips into a kiss, a hand roamed between my legs and I wrapped them around her. Especially when a warm finger slid into me neatly, the result was the loss of breath on my part. A need to just relax and let go, welcoming the slow rhythm that was created. She moved on top of me and I pushed back blonde hair, eyes growing wide when the edge was neared.

"I can stare into your eyes all freaking day," she whispered, "just get lost in them."

"I could envision you naked all day," I returned with a smirk, "just for guilty pleasure."

"You tease," moving in, I was silenced with a deep kiss that unhinged me completely.

Twisting under her, our moans filling the air, the caress of the cool wind was so refreshing. I clung onto her like nothing else mattered. We moved together and rocked whilst two fingers thrust deeply into me. I ran my hands up her torso and felt the softness of skin so perfect. Skin so soft. The back of her bra. Hunched shoulders.

Coming undone in her arms was such a deepened moment for me. Taking a hold of the waist of her cargo pants and pulling our hips closer, my hoarse cries were silenced with a kiss. Thank goodness the walls ran right up into the ceiling or else her parents passing through would have at least caught a moan. Forever savoring the taste of her skin, I closed my mouth around a perfect jawline and sucked whilst between my legs were massaged, orgasms still rippling through me like the waves crashing upon the shore just beyond the window.

Eventually, fully dress, we both headed downstairs, completely revived and wide awake. But still exhaustion, as much as it could be muffled, the tension would still remain. Even after a glorious cup of cocoa and tea biscuits shaped like flowers, my eyelids felt heavy. Snow sat me down by the table that had four nicely polished wooden chairs with green cushioned seats and we admired the scene before us. David was discussing work with his daughter, the two of them deeply engrossed in the highlights of a case.

"The riverside murders," Snow said warily, a hand resting upon the table. I was sitting on her right.

"Oh I read of that in the papers," I stated with worried eyes. "Five murders in Maine."

"Not too far from here," she sighed. "When you'd think that a peaceful neighborhood as this wouldn't have any drama, someone is killing teenagers."

"And David is working the case?"

"It would appear so," Snow shrugged, "i mean, although he wasn't given full responsibility to, everyone in the force hands everything onto him. It's unfair most times. Getting called in the middle of the night and the like. Plus it stresses him out."

"I can only imagine," I somehow attached that confession on her part to when my calls used to drag me out of bed in the middle of the night. That was a thing of the past now. I had sternly ordered everyone to place me as unavailable after six pm.

"So how is she doing so far?" Snow turned to me, her voice lowered, "moving in with you, I hope she makes her own bed and packs up after herself."

"Well she's...not a messy person," I said, playing with the porcelain tissue holder in the shape of a tomato. "Emma is quite disciplined when it comes to how she carries herself. Especially whilst dealing with her belongings."

"So you two sleep in the same bed." Snow's face was turned to me, eyes shining. Her chin was propped up onto her hand. "Together, I mean."

"Yes," I licked my lips and avoided her eyes, feeling my chest heave. Oh she was quite an intrusive mother.

"She looks really happy, so I can't say nothing is going wrong."

"We're fine." I offered a small smile.

"And financial wise, I don't mean to pry, but we've brought her up to pay for what she uses. She's working to pay for her college degree. The car, we helped with that. Not exactly a new model but it's what she wanted. If there's anything you ever need, any help, and I've told her that if she needs assistance, we can pitch in."

"Thank you, but it's not necessary," I said politely, still smiling. "Everything is perfectly fine."

"I know that at times she can be really...closed up about things," Snow proceeded to inform me, "but eventually everything comes out. And you might think that she's hiding something from you but it's not that she's doing it purposely. Emma's like her father. She chooses to try to handle things on her own first before seeking help."

"I'm quite aware of that streak in her," my eyes could not rest elsewhere but on blonde hair falling into a face that was beyond beautiful. "She oftentimes find it necessary to take care of things on her own without my help."

"Regina, I just want you to make sure of one thing for me, please," Snow rested a hand on mine and her eyes were softened. "And I hope that nothing bad happens but I have to tell you this."

"What is it?" I leaned in nearer, concern welling up within me.

"I'm going to support your relationship and your love for Emma one hundred percent because she's happy. I can see that she is. I hear it in her voice every single time she calls us..."

Here it comes, the talk. The one that would warn me off.

"And I know that she really loves you to a point where, Emma speaks about her future with you in a way that her father and I deeply admire. She has only spoken this way about one other person and that was so, so long ago."

I was intrigued.

"I just don't want you to ever break her heart as this particular person did."

"This...friend she speaks about..."

"Lizzie," Snow nodded, "that's the one. A little girl she knew from the age of three to roughly nine years ago. She was Emma's best friend beyond words."

I was absolutely stunned because Emma hadn't really delved into this with me before. A friend had been mentioned on some occasion I could not pinpoint. But such a close bond they had, one would believe that I'd be told more.

"Maybe you're wondering why she didn't tell you about Lizzie," Snow read my mind. "But she has her reasons. They were so close, Regina, oftentimes I used to worry about their bond. Even as they grew older, I really began to see that Emma was different. She was emotionally attached to this girl. She never liked boys in that light and I said to David, I said, David, Emma seems to be..." she shrugged.

"Different," I said.

"No," she shook her head, "no, I get that she gave me that vibe. But I'm talking about knowing at an early age that she was..."

"Gay."

"Yes," her fist pounded the table. "That word. I hate using that word. But it's what it is."

"I oftentimes don't believe in labels."

"Neither do I. I just see what the two of you have as love...it might be different from what the Bible states. But it's genuine love. The Bible was written a trillion years ago and society has changed. I also believe that God would never create a human being with these feelings to be imperfect. He is a God of love. And she's my daughter."

"Yes," my eyes stung because she was beyond understanding, trying to twist her religion into any fashion. Just to give her daughter a chance at love.

"Regina, Lizzie meant so much to Emma."

"And they got separated when Emma left for New York," I tried to confirm.

Snow's eyes watered suddenly. She took my hand into hers as Emma laughed at something David said. "No, they didn't just get separated by distance. Lizzie died from cancer. And before she died, she told Emma that she was lucky to be able to be alive. To be okay. It was the most selfish thing a best friend could leave someone with. Up to this day, Emma doesn't want to ever talk about her."

Tears clouded my eyes. "I didn't know this," I confessed, my throat aching. "She never said...anything."

"Regina," Emma called out from the chair.

I reared my head to capture her gaze.

"Dad watches Grimm too. See?" emerald eyes shone. "Told ya!"

I smiled wryly and swallowed. She hadn't told me about this girl. I was certain that there was trust between us, but as her mother stated, Emma could hold back things. I had been honest with her, had told Emma things about my life. But I too had my secrets, like the flings I had with these men. We never discussed those things. Her aim was to move on, to be forward driven.

However, the need to be at least informed about Lizzie was something I wanted more than ever to know.


	17. Mom's Friends Are Quick To Judge

**Excerpt:**

**_I always loved to witness people's faces when they realized that part of her. The fact that she was so girly girl, so badass and totally awesome enough to ride a motorbike with class._ **

" ** _Emma, is this true?" he reared his head to stare at me whilst mom did the same._**

" ** _No lie," I shrugged. "She's an amazing woman."_**

" ** _Well I have to confess that no other questions will be asked," dad sat back and gazed at Regina in awe. "You've just earned an A somehow in my books easily. Maybe I should have asked that question first."_**

" ** _Really? No questions about my parents' jobs and my grades?" she teased, pouting at him._**

**_Mom snorted and dad threw his head back and laughed heartily._ **

* * *

For the entire day before Christmas, I can safely say that about six hours were spent in last minute preparations.

When I say preparations, by all means, it's not the kind that involves baking cakes and eating cookies that mom had made just for me. This glass jar filled with my precious chocolate fudge delights remained within the house whilst I spent half day outside holding a freaking ladder for my father.

I was fuming.

If you could have seen me out there, wearing a pair of mom's winter boots whilst the snow glistened on the grass. Green garlands wrapped around me as if I was a human hanger whilst one arm was lifting up a straw basket filled with shiny balls of various colors. He had me out there and I couldn't even move about freely because every time I did, even to scratch my arm, the basket would shake and he'd warn me about cracking the balls.

My neck was growing stiffer, arms hurting like hell and still dad assured me that it would be over in a couple of minutes. A couple of minutes turned into another four hours as we went around the entire house and decorated it without eating lunch. The amount of time he spent talking to the neighbors was really incredible because that's one thing about dad that never changed. The fact that he'd select any random person and move from one topic to the next easily. That's how he was, a chatterbox and it was really getting on my nerves because he and the next door neighbor Harry couldn't stop talking about cricket.

Every single neighbor that passed us by that day, dad had something to say to them.

Just around one, my lifesaver came outside bearing some delicious looking food upon a plate.

It was probably the most delightful feeling of all to witness her coming towards me with a glorious smile on that beautiful face. Dressed in a red wool jersey with long, bunched up sleeves and black pants, me knowing that there was another pair of leather pants under that. She had on these cute light brown boots with fur around the top.

Brown eyes warmer than even the sun hidden somewhere above us, she carefully pried the basket out of my aching hand and handed over the food. Without a care in the world as to who was watching me, I sat on the wooden chair that Harry once occupied and gobbled up baked beans, potato salad and rice like a beggar who had gone a week without a meal.

"Shoots," dad suddenly realized that it was after lunchtime and smiled down at me, "it's all that time already? Wherever did the morning go?"

"You think?" I scowled.

Regina sent me a look and noted the fuming light in my eyes. Tilting her head sideways, I was gazed at intently whilst my cheeks puffed out from chewing an abundance of food.

"Take your time," she mouthed, leaning upon the wooden ladder whilst dad fixed the garland around the end of the dark green roof.

The staple gun fired off and the sound had numbed my soul since that morning. It was becoming so freaking annoying, I wanted to snatch the damn machine and pelt it as far away as possible because how dare he? How dare he leave preparations for last minute and force me to stand out there holding a ladder and draped in garlands?

I was sore already! I wanted to be with my girlfriend and dad didn't care at all. I was back to being like sixteen, standing out here and feeling as if I just wanted to stretch out inside on the sofa and watch Christmas movies.

I should be wrapped in her arms watching Miracle on 34th Street or Christmas Every day, or even Home Alone!

As if reading my mind, Regina winked, dark hair gently lifting up from the cold wind, a red scarf bunched around her neck.

Honestly, I could be in a really frustrating mood, completely losing my shit and all it took was a simply look from her. Those brown eyes were capable of soothing my mind so much, it was absolutely unbelievable at that point. Knowing that we had this bond and we shared so much silently, there was no desire to be audible about anything. Which was a fantastic move around my parents.

Mom constantly kept her gazes on us when we were together. Dad always had this way of scrutinizing Regina with a small smile and I caught on soon enough that most likely they were still slightly protective over me.

"She used to like running around naked outside whilst I hosed down the house every Christmas time," dad was saying.

I quickly caught on and couldn't swallow my food.

Eyes wide, I stared at Regina. She had her face upturned and was smiling. "Oh really."

"Yeah, not a stitch on her, darting about and giggling, chewing on chocolates. She had a way of never wanting to wear clothes at all -"

"Dad," I glared at him.

Regina turned to me. "Her mother tells me that she was quite a little feisty child."

"Did she tell you about Emma's obsession with Nancy Drew?" dad was obviously really enjoying this but I wasn't. "She had us cut her hair just below her ears and we had to buy her a flashlight and a little pocket book. Apparently a lot of crimes were solved around the neighborhood and abandoned houses were explored."

"Quite intriguing."

"Emma also wanted to become a Nun." The sound of the staple gun made me want to destroy it more than ever. He was moving into the icky zone and I didn't want to go there right then.

"Dad are you done embarrassing me now?" my chest heaved.

"Sweetheart I'm not embarrassing you. I'm recollecting. I don't think Regina minds."

"I...mind," I said finishing off the plate and feeling entirely stuffed.

"Her mother once cleaned the chicken, and I believe it was about six years ago." There was no lid to put on him. "Snow placed the cleaned chicken inside one bowl and the fat inside another and told Emma to throw away the fat." He smiled at me, a shiny red ball dangling from the corner of his mouth. "And Emma threw away the chicken."

Regina chuckled within her throat, really enjoying all of it whilst I sat there and stewed internally. "In my defense, both looked the same."

"You weren't wearing your glasses, Emma," dad said. "We always told her to wear her glasses. But no, Emma was convinced that she looked like a grasshopper of some sorts."

"Look, write a book, okay?" I glared at her too because she was shaking from laughing, "write a book and send it to her. If you're so caught up in relating every single detail from my childhood."

"What's all the racket outside?" mom scowled through the window.

I handed the plate through one of the side windows and was thankful that she didn't have time to participate. Chatting away on the cordless, apparently it was my lucky moment because if she realized that we were digging up old memories then Regina wouldn't hear the end of them.

After I took over, in an hour's time, dad was finally finished and decided to handle the patio by himself. I mean, come on. He had the entire two weeks before today. Sure he was working a case and all that but to hassle everyone like this? For the remainder of the afternoon, my wish was finally granted and stretched out upon the chair in front of the television, the jar of cookies in my lap, I binged on them. And I'm not using the word 'binge' lightly because it was like chewing on one and biting into another one.

"That's enough," Regina said, trying to take it away from me. Growling, I hugged my merchandise tighter and she barely smiled. "Fine, when you crash later, just remember that I tried to intervene."

"Emma, give it to me," mom came forward with a rolled up newspaper.

"No," I said, curling up.

"Do you want me to tell Regina about Bradley and the zipper incident?" her eyes widened and I grew cold inside.

The jar was handed over because of all the memories embedded inside my head, that one was by far the only one that should remain in the secrecy zone.

"No," I stared at her. "Oh God, no. Please."

Regina was studying my face intently and I tried as hard as I could to avoid her direct gaze.

There was this boy apart from Charles who had a crush on me when I was about eight. I remember how he used to fetch my books around even though I tried to tug them away from his arms. Always arguing with each other, the two of us apparently made a pair in school and people used to tease me about being the girlfriend to a geek because his glasses were literally half an inch thick.

One afternoon whilst I was in my room, he rang the doorbell and there I was struggling with my zip, hopping around on the spot, trying to get the damn thing up. All of a sudden, mom knocked twice and pushed the door open and there I was with my pink underwear peeking out, the zipper stuck and Bradley's cheeks literally turned so crimson, I felt myself getting flustered as well.

He never came back. I don't know what happened but he just stopped trying to hassle me.

I mean, was it my pink underwear that scared him off? Girls like pink, and boys should be aware of that. They should also be aware of the fact that sometimes your zipper gets stuck and it's really embarrassing to have a guy walk in on you trying to pull the damn thing up.

What was wrong with him?

Regina basically pestered me for the remainder of the afternoon, even as I tried to focus on 'A Mom For Christmas'. Her brown eyes obscured my vision constantly as the truth was demanded, and eventually when I did confess, her hoarse laughter tickled my ears. There we remained, my arms were wrapped around her whilst we snuggled on the chair in front of the warming fire.

Mom was busy baking. She couldn't sit down. If there was one thing about my mother, it was her attachment to housework. Fixing this, moving that. Cleaning the stove, wiping the table. Dusting the mantelpiece. Regina loved it. Both of them always found that cleaning soothed their minds whilst I was as lazy as a cat most times. By the time the sound of the vacuum stretched out to five minutes, I slipped into a deep sleep and didn't open my eyes until eight o'clock that night.

**XxX**

**xx**

**x**

It's safe to say that Christmas day was more peaceful than the day before.

I woke up to the smell of bacon whilst the soft tunes of carols sung by Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley drifted from downstairs. Now that's one thing about my father that will always remain with me; the habit he had of filling the house with Christmas music, bright and early on the day itself. It was like waking up to to the most soul deep feeling of all. Knowing that it was the holiday season and my parents lived in the moment so deeply, they would cuddle up with mugs of cocoa and read scriptures from the Bible together about the birth of Jesus.

With this comforting feeling in my mind, knowing that I wasn't spending this day alone and she was really with me, it kind of made my heart race. Like a gallop into a rush of feelings, making my toes curl. Reaching for her next to me, my fingers met the pillow alone and I realized that it must be really late.

It was eleven o'clock and I had overslept.

It took me roughly half an hour to shower and get dressed and when the steps were descended, there she was in the kitchen helping mom with a bunch of stuff on the stove. Waltzing in there, I embraced mom who was seriously flustered from the heat and bustle. Stirring a pot of beans, Regina gently rested the wooden spoon upon a saucer and wrapped her arms around me. From the back, I was well aware of mom smiling at us. Even when we softly pressed our lips together and lingered in the moment.

"Merry Christmas," I whispered into her right ear, smiling as the heat from the stove tingled my face.

The greeting was returned and we somehow managed to glue ourselves together from the warmth between us. I didn't want to let go and neither did she until mom pried us apart and handed the spoon to Regina with a smirk on her round face.

"Get moving. I don't need my stirrer distracted. You," I was glared at, and she handed me a pair of red mittens, "lift the pot of macaroni off so I can put on the rice."

Suddenly, I realized that yeah, it was Christmas day and every single year we had friends over later in the afternoon. So whilst mom fussed with the macaroni and cheese, fried rice and baked chicken, Regina and I focused on the potato salad and dishing everything into this cute glass bowl set that decorated the table top.

"Did you sleep well?" Regina handed me a silver spoon and caught my fingers between hers. Gently squeezing back, our eyes locked and I was forced to melt inside.

"Yeah. You?"

Her chest heaved and I noted the slight emotion affecting a woman who had become so attached to me in every single way "Quite comforting to sleep in a new environment, I must say. It was...soothing. Although you kept tugging the blanket away."

"Dude, there were two blankets..."

"One was wrapped around you like a cocoon and the other was twisted around your legs. You were really selfish whilst I slept hugging myself."

"Aww," that thought bruised me and I couldn't forgive myself for allowing something like that to happen. "I'll make it up to you tonight. We'll sleep downstairs and I'll hug you in front of the fireplace. You know, get the softie, roll up mattress from upstairs that I used for sleepovers and we'll place it right there," I pointed. "And have a good night's rest."

"You had sleepovers?" brown eyes intently studied my face whilst she dished out macaroni.

"Yeah," I avoided eye contact, "like every weekend."

"With your...friend?" her husky voice asked, still holding that gaze on my face.

I smiled, holding my breath because the pain was coming back and I didn't want it to ruin me.

"Tell me about her," she pressed on, the clink of the dishes between us. "This...friend of yours."

"Not now," I said softly, feeling my throat begin to ache. "But you get the idea." Lifting my eyes, I smiled at her stiffly, "plus I heard sleeping on the ground kind of pushes you into this deeper zone of comfort."

Regina smiled back and allowed a few seconds of silence to elapse between us. Within that time, mom came and went like a hundred times, fixing and fretting over some friend who was supposed to be there already to assist. Then when the phone rang, she went back into the kitchen and we heard the sound of something sizzling within the pot.

"Your mom was telling me that you have this tradition where gifts are opened tomorrow?"

I shrugged and neatly dished baked beans into a white bowl designed with red and green bows. "Yeah, which kind of made me learn to have patience when I was younger because whilst all the kids were opening their presents today, I had to wait."

"Yes but I have a slight problem," Regina said in that hoarse voice that could unhinge me, the wooden spoon she was using to dish macaroni inside a bowl poised in midair. "I don't believe that my gift to you can be opened...in front of your parents. Just as a fair warning."

"Yeah?" I smiled back and felt my chest flutter from excitement. "Give me a hint?"

"No," brown eyes lowered and pinched from a smile, she continued dishing out the macaroni, "besides, I love to see your face light up when surprised."

"Regina, if you got me a dildo, I swear -"

"Shh! Keep your voice down!" she hissed, scowling in my direction and then glancing into the kitchen. "Do you wish for your mother to faint? As it is already, she's quite frustrated from the events of today."

My eyes were wide and I couldn't breathe. "You did...it."

We stared at each other. "I...did...what?" Shaking her head, all eye contact was avoided.

"What color is it?"

"Emma, I didn't...buy you a dildo," she said, cheeks slightly coloring. The flush around her neck was noted and I knew that my face was probably growing crimson. "I wouldn't buy such a thing because as I said before..." leaning across the table, her voice was lowered, "nothing...of any shape or kind in relation to a...man...must be involved whilst we're intimate."

Tilting my head sideways, I was itching to remind her of her deep enjoyment when she would sit on me and ride my two fingers wildly. But being fair, especially with mom in earshot, that thought was put aside.

"I brought the vibrator though."

"Oh joy," Regina noted mom coming out of the kitchen and sent me a warning. "So I believe it was rather comforting for Mary to deliver Jesus in a warm stable."

I stared at her.

"Oh you two are discussing the Nativity Story of Christ? Aw, how nice! I agree with Regina, of course," mom rested a very hot pot onto a safety board. "Giving birth to a child is a very delicate but nerve-wrecking experience and for Mary to have a baby in a stable, that must have felt so..." she inhaled deeply, "relaxing."

"Among hay?" I snorted, fixing a place mat decorated with holly. "No way. Hay under my bare thighs? Animals watching me whilst I push out a babe? The smell of horse manure. No freaking way."

"I suppose there's that," mom rested a finger upon her jaw, face upturned.

"Always the one to throw some harsh light onto the situation," Regina smirked at me. "One of the reasons I adore the way your mind works."

The doorbell rang and after hustling to the door, lo and behold, two of mom's church friends arrived.

I remembered aunt Sally who owned the Pharmacy and Margie who was a Catholic nun. She had been my inspiration when I was little. It was so awesome to see her, dressed in her light blue robes with a white veil, blonde hair peeking out. Both of them marveled over seeing me home for Christmas and I was embraced tightly, smelling nothing but vanilla and cookies.

"And this is?" Sister Margie asked, smiling warmly at Regina who had placed the wooden spoon down and was awkwardly standing next to me.

"Oh, ha." Beaming at me, I realized that mom was going to do it. She was totally going to drop the bomb and I wasn't prepared to out myself to an old lady who had once known about my interest in becoming a nun. "This," mom said, taking Regina's upper right arm, "is Emma's girlfriend, Regina Mills."

"How delightful!" aunt Sally declared, and I really believed that she had no idea what that meant. "It's great that Emma brought a friend home, isn't it Sister?"

"Quite interesting." The lady who had taught me in Sunday School narrowed her blue eyes, and smiled wryly. "The Lord has a strange way of unfolding things."

"I've said the same thing!" mom said, bubbling over with joy, her eyes shining. "I remembered when Emma prayed for more boobs and she apparently was blessed with some. For we all know she had quite a flat chest."

"Mom!" I stared back and gaped whilst all three of them laughed.

"Are you a Catholic, Regina?" Sister Margie inquired after, unrolling the aluminum foil and helping to cover the dishes that were cool already.

"Yes."

I witnessed brown eyes meet blue ones and they both smiled at each other.

"I'm still Zachariah's big sister," I proudly announced, neatly placing stuffed eggs onto a silver tray. "I try to see him as often as possible but work gets in the way and stuff."

"That is so comforting to hear, Emma," Sister Margie said, warmly considering me and I hoped that the conversation would divert from Regina because she didn't need to be interrogated. "It is always nice to lend a helping hand, especially to a child in need."

"Yeah," hanging my head, my blonde hair tickling behind my neck, I shrugged. "Plus it makes me feel loads better. To see his face light up when I help."

"The Lord will bless you, my dear child. Have no fear. Good things will keep coming your way. After all, I always have best wishes for you in every walk of life." There it was. She was looking at Regina. I froze up. "Regardless of the choices you make, it was never doubted that you would make the best ones. Therefore, I will say a prayer for you tonight to wish you all the best in love."

I couldn't believe it.

Even if she meant something completely opposite to what I understood, my heart began to feel all mushy. And my heart didn't just become a soppy mess without a reason. Even my gut was telling me that it was possible that Sister Margie had just voiced her acceptance to my love life. I mean, she had to have known. Aunt Sally was too stuck up in the olden days to ever encourage the thought of Regina really being my partner.

But good old Margie was smiling at me and I knew to myself that she was really an angel.

**XxX**

**xx**

**x**

Later down in the evening as it was growing dark outside, dad was fixing the music and guests had arrived already.

A few of them sat in the living room, around the table covered in food and lingered in the kitchen. Cutlery made music as plates were neatly arranged with food, and eaten gracefully. One of mom's friend's from the Bible group lingered under the mistletoe with her husband and I realized that they had been glued to each other since they arrived.

It was like everyone appeared to be so composed and their eyes were pinched from the warmest smiles. All of them were church people. I flitted from one person to the next, offering greetings and explaining my job situation and studies whilst everyone marveled over my move to New York. I'm sure you know about those times. When you probably see your parents' friends or your high school teachers and the first thing they ask you is 'where are you working?' and 'how are the studies going?'.

Kind of gets irritating after a while, especially when they gaze at you intently as if trying to decipher whether you're a success or a failure.

I hated the fact that most of them believed a few inches had been added to my height when it was just a figment of their imagination. Or maybe dad had shrunk a few inches because we were the same height and I felt really powerful and important around the house all of a sudden. Like, hey, I'm tall like dad now. I'm all mature and not the kid you guys used to know. However, none of them even considered the fact that I was way past the age of sixteen and already an adult.

Where was Regina?

How in the world could I manage to lose my girlfriend, you might ask?

One moment she was by my side chewing on a slice of mom's black cake and then I was being tugged into all directions by mom to meet and greet. By the time a sense of relief washed over me from moving around the room already, there was no sight of my babe. It was like a funny, frightful feeling, chest fluttering and my eyes sweeping the place to make sure she was not tangled between a group of mom's friends, under heavy scrutiny. But she was nowhere in the room nor in the kitchen. And when I peeked outside because the door was open, my eyesight was just blinded by lights from the house across the street and the bitter cold.

"Dad, have you seen Regina?" I asked, watching him zip up his black CD pouch.

"Hmm," he glanced around and frowned. "The last time I saw her, she was with you. Oh come on," he sighed, "you managed to lose Regina inside the house?"

"In case you didn't notice, I was busy being questioned by every single person in the house. At some point, she left the room." I noted mom staring at me and found it rather odd.

Did she say something to Regina? Did one of her friends say something offensive? I had no idea and it worried me.

Fists clenched, trying to gain composure, my footsteps led to her and she was asked the same thing.

"Check upstairs," mom said, giving my right shoulder a pat, the other hand holding a fluke of champagne. "I think she looked out of place after everyone rushed around you."

Without wasting a second, I rushed to the stairs and climbed it two at a time. Getting up there, the music was muffled and sounded so far away. My boots padded upon the polished floors as I went from the washroom to bedroom. And eventually, the small balcony overlooking the brightly lit street.

There she was, her back to me, seated upon one of the green folding chairs and holding onto a glass of orange juice. Legs crossed, her silent disposition at first scared me because I had no idea what had happened and it was possible that something had changed her mood. Because she wouldn't just bring herself upstairs like that. Regina was capable of finding someone to talk to.

When I realized how wrong that belief was, it hit me like a freight train and my body grew cold.

Apart from Mally, she didn't have any friends. I mean, when mom and dad would consider me as a loner, there were the 'Three Stooges', and even Chad. Compared to my social life, there was no one else in hers. So it pretty much bruised my heart to realize how this must be affecting her. Even at work, no one really spoke to the Vice President. Board meetings were not an event to be social but strictly business.

She had one friend. She has trust issues with people, believing that everyone would judge her personal life and make wild assessments. And yet, I never could convince a caged heart that there were actually genuine people out there. Like my friends. Yeah they were often allowed the chance to meet and greet with her, but the walls still remained firmly up.

"Hey," I said softly, announcing myself and stepping onto the balcony, holding my breath. "I was looking for you."

She locked our eyes, a pretty shade of brown growing wide and then those red lips were bitten.

Now there I was thinking, oh Emma, you surely did it this time. How in the world could you allow yourself to become detached from the woman who owns your heart? Even if she was old enough to manage on her own just fine, this was a new environment and apart from my parents, she knew no one. All of those people downstairs were either very religious or dad's friends from work.

The silence stabbed me and I went to sit upon the concrete ledge painted in black, just in front of her.

"I'm so sorry," I said, realizing that when things like this happened, my voice took on a hoarser quality. "They tugged me away and I couldn't even breathe properly."

"I don't know...anyone," she said softly, blinking slowly at me. "Social events make me...itchy and I stand around awkwardly whilst obviously appearing unapproachable. So my next best alternative was to remove myself and seek solace up here."

My eyes stung. Without even second guessing it, I stepped closer and reached down to take her free hand. Then pulling her up, she allowed it and we closed the distance between us. I gently pried the glass from between her fingers and rested it upon the ledge where I had been. Then entwining our fingers, I rested our foreheads together and witnessed how she began to melt, eyes fluttering close.

"You're the most powerful woman in the fashion industry," I said, our lips an inch apart, "you're bigger and better than any one of them down there. You're the most beautiful, seriously intelligent and beyond amazing. Honestly, being in any social event shouldn't affect you because if no one wants to talk to you then to hell with them."

"Stop buttering me up," she whispered, and I felt how she moved nearer, wanting to touch me in every possible way. "You're aware that it works but this is not about being proud. It has to do with them. And everyone else. I feel as if they're going to recognize me as the face of Dazzle who had flings with men and a miscarriage -"

"Regina -"

"And they're going to somehow find out from your mother, that I'm your partner," tears clouded her eyes, sticking pins in my heart. "And when they find out, I am obviously going to be really unapproachable in any fashion because these people are religious, Emma. They're neck deep in the Bible and what a perfect union is supposed to be like."

"If my parents can accept what we have," I said, growing angry with the bunch of jackasses who frowned upon our bond, "then nothing else matters to me."

"Yes, I understand that. But for the moment, we are here. They are downstairs and at some point, they'll put two and two together and realize what's happening."

"Regina, I don't care about them," I said, gazing into her eyes. "I don't because we're together in this, I'm by your side and nothing they say can change what's between us."

"You're by my side now, but you weren't for the past half an hour."

It wasn't the fact that her tone was bitter. It's just that the look she sent me signaled so much because I felt how upset the situation had made her. I felt how affected she was by all of it in those brown eyes and absolutely and entirely, it was my fault.

Trying to push back my feelings and insecurities and to focus on bringing us back to a warm place, I wrapped my arms around her neck. Obviously her body melted into my embrace because no matter how much anger would affect a bruised heart, she still could open up enough to allow me that chance of helping to heal.

"I screwed up." Pressing a kiss onto her soft hair, the scent of bubblegum was savored. "I shouldn't have left you alone. And no matter how religious those people are downstairs, nothing compares to the way I feel about you. Especially today. Knowing that I'm spending it with the one person who means the world to me apart from my parents, nothing else matters."

Hands running over my back, I could feel her heart racing and knew exactly what was anticipated. Even when I brought my face to the front and our eyes met, she was breathless already. Lips parted, Regina gazed at me as if we were seeing each other for the first time. That deep kind of gaze that really pulls back all the veils behind her eyes and I'm able to see the rawest form of love ever. It was like the most amazing moment when I could see into her soul and feel this warmth that was only radiating for me to feel.

Pressing our lips together, my eyes fluttered close and I allowed her to guide me. I allowed her to continue the softest of kisses that lasted so long and weakened my knees. Tasting orange juice and feeling how soft her shoulders were. Fingers pressing into my back and the stray strands of black hair that tickled my cheeks. We were glued together and though she was always shorter than me by just two inches, I never failed to find it absolutely adorable.

"Let's go downstairs," I suggested, feeling her warm breath on me and wanting so much more but not so early. Obviously someone would notice our absence and my parents wouldn't like the idea of me showing a bad face. "I'll keep my arm around you all the time, will never let you go."

"Promise?" she asked, her voice cracking.

"Absolutely. Pinky swear."

"Okay," smiling, she held up her right pinky finger and we childishly made the bond.

**Xxx**

**xx**

**x**

Would you believe that I actually sucked it up and kissed her under the mistletoe in front of everyone?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, call me a bit too bold for doing that, but maybe it was the champagne. I suddenly felt really sparkly and needed to release the heat building up inside of me. So the moment just happened.

The feel of my heart about to leap out my chest when I did it was so scary. I could literally feel their eyes on us when it happened. And I didn't care at all, even when she grew stiff at first from the sudden move and pulled back to search my eyes. It didn't change anything.

The truth was, that's what love makes you do. It made me wipe away whatever anyone else thought and I felt so proud to be there with her. I felt as if none of them could ever glare at me and shoot my heart down with arrows tipped in what the Catholic church preached about same sex love.

Nothing poisonous could get between us and I needed her to know that. I needed them to be made aware and even my parents didn't mind because when we pulled apart and my eyes found dad standing by the eggnog bowl, there was only love in his look. Mom was surrounded by her friends and whilst they stared back at me, she gazed across the room with the warmest pair of eyes.

"Emma," Regina whispered, pressing her cheek upon mine as my body burned up, "you've just..."

"Outed myself officially?" I actually smiled, my arms wrapped around her, "it actually feels better than I imagined."

"Brace yourself for the questions and scrutiny," she warned.

You can imagine my face when no other than Sister Margie approached us, holding a glass of eggnog. Only her eyes displayed a smile but those lips remained pressed together whilst a couple other people witnessed the encounter.

"Don't worry about what they have to say. Emma, you are a child of God and by far, you've been the sweetest darling I have ever known. My God is a God of love and understanding. And if you feel that this is what you want, then I respect your choice."

She actually smiled at me.

"So can I be properly introduced now?" her blue eyes rested on the babe by my side and a hand was outstretched.

"This is partner, Regina Mills," I said, obviously breathless and totally feeling tipsy on an abundance of feelings.

This was it. And as Kevin from Home Alone said, there was no need to be scared now of all times.

"Partners in crime, business, or only love?" Regina's hand was taken and squeezed softly. "I recognize your face, Miss Mills. The Sisters marveled over your influence in the fashion industry with that glorious magazine. Dazzle, correct?"

"Yes."

Dad was watching me and I shot him a smile, my chest heaving.

"The amount of issues I confiscated at first, until one day, I sat down and flipped through the thing myself. Of course, nothing ungodly was between the pages. Just an abundance of fashion and a little guilty pleasure to them whilst pouring over the outside world."

"That is nice to know," Regina said, that darn voice sizzling my body.

"I have not allowed an issue of Flames into their hands though, although I suspect one must be hidden somewhere. Such a bold magazine, women showing too much skin. I'm afraid that they might find their habits too bothersome and null their vows."

That made Regina chuckle and so did Sister Margie. Gently patting us on a shoulder each, she quietly made her way across the room to the Christmas tree with blinking lights and engaged one of dad's cop friends from the police force in a conversation.

I should have seen it coming.

When mom swept Regina away to get her something to eat, there I was standing by the table, not too far off. Reaching for a handful of honey roasted nuts, I popped them into my mouth and chewed, noting how a few glances were occasionally thrown at me from various people. They were probably saying among themselves, 'oh what a disappointment she has become, a sinner'. But what they failed to realize was that maybe what Regina and I had was a stronger bond of love between us than any one of them and their husbands.

"But you must know that it's not the right way of things," aunt Sally said after approaching me, three other familiar faces next to her. They had me cornered just by the table. "Surely you are merely experimenting? This cannot be long term."

"Feels like it," I said smiling, noting how their eyes flicked behind me to check out Regina. "I mean after six months, I don't ever think it was experimenting. This is what I want."

"This is not what God wants," another lady said, with flaming red hair. She looked like a character from a cartoon and I couldn't even take her seriously.

"How do you know what God wants if He wasn't the one to write the Bible?" I defended myself, or at least tried. "I'm not doing something by choice here. I'm actually in love with someone. And you can never fake the kind of love I feel for her. So if this is unnatural in God's eyes, which I doubt it is, then I'm prepared to go to hell for being with her."

Their eyes grew wide and somehow I could feel mom behind me. No matter how hard daughters often tried to ignore it, you always have a connection with your mom and she always knows when you're hurting, or you're backed up in a corner and you're on the verge of tears.

"That's so disappointing. We really thought you were on the right path," aunt Sally said, shaking her head in disapproval. "Got your studies going, such a bright girl. You can easily find yourself a nice man and instead you chose a life of sin."

"No," mom spoke up finally, and she came around the table, glaring. "No, you stop that right now." A finger was pointed at them and I bit my lips, feeling hot tears fill my eyes. "This is my daughter, you're speaking to. All three of you. And I will not tolerate any kind of talk like that in my presence because she's not a disappointment. She never was and she will never be."

"Snow, you know what our faith entails," the red head reminded mom. "Homosexuality is a sin."

"So is adultery and you three watch soap operas all day that depict men cheating on their wives and vice versa."

Suddenly, I felt Regina take my right hand and turned to consider her presence. Wrapping her arm around me, I was pulled nearer.

"The fact still remains that if you practice such a lifestyle then you will face the consequences and we simply do not wish for the sweetest child we've known to lead herself down that path."

"What path exactly?" mom said, folding her arms as Sister Margie came nearer, cocking an ear to listen in. "The path she's taking that involves love? Are you going to seriously tell me that something is wrong with allowing yourself to love someone?"

"Yes it is wrong. It goes against the nature of things in this world," the third one said as if she was the divine sister. "How can they even procreate to have a family? Is that what you want, Emma? To never experience that at all?"

I was flabbergasted from the directness of her statement and couldn't answer at first. However, finding my voice before mom did, I drilled them on the options of adopting and even having a donor. To which they're faces would have turned a sickly green if depicted on a cartoon. What the hell did I care? I didn't give a crap about them and their old fashioned ways!

"This is the modern world," mom said, trying to compose herself but I feel the static bursting off from her mind. "This is not the seventies and even in the seventies, women were still intimate with women. So don't shove your traditional views down my daughter's throat because I will not allow it."

"Snow, it is not worth explaining," Sister Margie held up a hand and slipped herself into the conversation. "Their views will not change. Many are cemented on the belief of what is right and what is wrong. Whereas, there are others like yourself, who adjust the preachings of the Holy Book to cater for the modern world. I for one am not going to say that I support what Emma has with her girlfriend. But I cannot force my views on her and demand that she change a very strong feeling of love. One would feel like a Jehovah's Witness in a situation like that." She smiled at me and her shoulders twitched. "What I am allowed to do, is to leave this in the hands of God to handle. We are all sinners. I have stolen cookies from the kitchen on many occasions and I've taken a sip of Whiskey too."

I actually smiled at that and felt Regina rest her chin upon my shoulder.

"But bear in mind, we must not cast stones if we are sinners as well. I get such a radiant feeling from watching these two together," she gestured to us and smiled. "One would think that you three, would accept this sweet child's choice as she is already independent and making one on her own. So be cautious when passing judgment. I leave your company with those words hanging in the air."

And with that said, she moved off to linger near dad who patted her back and smiled in our direction.

"I love my daughter too much to ever hate her for loving someone else," mom said, her voice cracking. I was pulled nearer and a kiss was pressed onto my left cheek. "Don't pay heed to any of them. All that matters to you is right there by your side."

She sent the three women one last glare and went to chat with my father. After realizing that no more destruction could be done upon the situation, we were left alone.

"So this is the little one," one of dad's friends from the force greeted me affectionately with a pat on my back. "The name's Willis Brown if you can't remember or if he never told you about me."

"Agent Brown!" I remembered him, the dude dad had told me about, the one who worked cases the old fashioned way by pushing aside technology and choosing to pound the pavements. "I've heard so much about you and your brilliant tactics."

"One might think that I'm a movie star," he winked, somehow reminding me of Will Smith and I couldn't help but remember The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. "Is this your partner, your father told me about?"

"Ah, yeah," I had my arm linked with Regina and introduced the two of them. Smiling warmly, she moved closer to me and I just wanted to kiss her soft squishy cheeks.

"Well I wish you two all the best in life ahead, yeah?"

Managing to voice my opinions on the string of murders and the possibility of a serial killer in Maine, he seemed impressed, actually loving my theory. Even though ti was old news, I at least told him that maybe it was a copycat, since the evidence slightly differed from the ones collected from the first string of murders a couple years back.

It was so sad to be reminded of a certain someone from my childhood showing me the newspaper articles and giving updates during those times.

I couldn't thank Sister Margie enough that night after the gathering came to a close. I really couldn't. Hugging her felt like my thanks was half complete and even though she kept reassuring me that it was deserving and what not, the fact that this woman of God defended me, it just brought tears to my eyes.

"You keep on doing what you've always been doing, darling," she said in farewell, as the car waited in the driveway. "Keep on being the little enthusiastic Emma who always asked me about God and what He would think if she wore black nail polish."

I waved her off and stood there savoring the cold outside just for a while. Then moving inside, I batted Regina out of the way since she was trying to help clear up the dishes and wash the wares. Even mom protested and very soon, dad led her into the living room as I rolled up my sleeves and began to wash a mountain.

"He's eating nonstop, Emma," mom complained about dad, scowling whilst the sink was piled up with more dishes. "And he's not moderating anything. Sweets, the whole lot. I had a bag of Cadbury balls in the fridge, just for you and Regina and maybe a few other special guests. And he's been sneaking some all the damn time. All the time!"

"Mom, calm down," I said softly, rubbing the yellow sponge upon a plate, eyes lowered. The water was really warm and soothing.

"Emma, I can't calm down. Because it is so, so out of order. When he gets sick, I'm the one who has to tend to him and it's like he doesn't even care about his health."

"I'd like to say that I'd talk to him about it, but you know. He's not going to listen to me about food. Somehow that talk we had after I moved out to New York is still inside my head. Geez." I could feel my throat aching from the memories. "Telling me I couldn't just study without finding a job."

"Not that you didn't mind getting a job," she pitched in, our voices low, "but the way he said it. Oh you have to pay for the car, you have to pay for your apartment, you have to pay for your tuition."

"As if I didn't already know that." I sighed. "I knew that."

"I think it bothered him to see you go off so far to study. And he took out his frustration on you."

"But yelling at me and basically going on and on about 'oh, you know you'll have to be so independent now, you'll have to grow up and look after yourself', and all that crap. I can look after myself and I'm doing it well."

"Well you pleased him well enough after showing up here the day before yesterday with Regina. Because he really thought that she wouldn't come and she wasn't anything like that."

"Really?" I stopped soaping the glass dish and stared at her.

"Yeah," mom nodded, smiling a bit. "Your dad's idea about her was this very manly looking woman with a short haircut and tattoos."

"I must have really stunned him then!"

We both laughed.

"Trust me, he's still not over it. He just can't believe that she's so amazing and so...sophisticated and so composed. She's like the perfect woman we imagined for you, if not a perfect man."

"Well, she's not...perfect," I said, turning back to the wares. "No one is really. We both have our flaws."

"Do you two...fight or...argue?" She was really being intrusive but she was my mom and had every right to ask. So I allowed it.

"Couple of times. But every single time, something was done by her to pull us back together."

"Is she romantic?" mom smiled, resting a hand upon the kitchen counter. "Candlelight dinners, late night escapades, reading to you and the like?"

I could actually feel my cheeks growing warm. "Yeah, all of the above and so much more."

"She's so...beautiful, Emma. She's the kind of woman that every man would want….But she only wants you. And I can totally understand why."

"Why?" I just had to ask.

"Emma, you're such a sweet person! You're really understanding, open minded, very kind and generous. Which lady lover wouldn't want you?"

"I guess..." I shrugged.

"Oh don't guess," she slapped me playfully on my back with a dishtowel and we continued to work.

By the time I was done, the two of them were sitting on the sofa in front of the television whilst I dried the dishes. Even from the other side of the room, I managed to catch snippets of the conversation and realized that my father was actually talking to Regina about her job. It was like the typical daddy talk but when I used to be afraid of him drilling a boy I would bring home, there she was and apparently Regina was taking it really easy with this smile on her face.

"Just a bunch of random questions I'm going to shoot at you, for the sake of it," he said, his eyes pinched from a smile. "Trust me, I've been preparing for this since she was a baby and it's really a huge moment for me."

"I can see that," Regina said, our eyes meeting and we both smiled. I sat upon one of the chairs and allowed them the chance to talk whilst mom came to sit next to me.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" she asked, rubbing my left shoulder affectionately with a worried look on her round face.

"Yeah," I said, trying to breathe after the drama from that night.

"Don't let Sally and Betsie get to you at all. Since you were smaller, Emma you were always different. You were never girly apart from your Hello Kitty obsession and I didn't mind at all. I knew that you'd be different in some way and this is it. And I would never hate you for what you have with her. Never."

"I know mom," I said softly, admiring the love in her heart for me, "thank you so much for stepping in. And believing in me."

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" dad tried to appear all stern looking.

Regina smiled and lowered her eyes, hands neatly folded in her lap. "Really?"

"Come on, play along here," he urged.

"I'd like to become the CEO of a company, preferably in the fashion industry." She nodded whilst mom and I listened in and I couldn't help but admire how she appeared so cute. "Of course a mother someday, and a...contented wife."

Mom turned to me and gave me that wicked grin, her chest heaving. "She wants to be a wife."

"Stop it," I said, knowing my cheeks were turning crimson.

"What about your car?" dad blinked.

"I drive a Mercedes Benz, and I also own a V 250," her fingers danced upon her lap. "A motorbike."

"You ride a motorbike?" dad asked, absolutely stunned.

I always loved to witness people's faces when they realized that part of her. The fact that she was so girly girl, so badass and totally awesome enough to ride a motorbike with class.

"Emma, is this true?" he reared his head to stare at me whilst mom did the same.

"No lie," I shrugged. "She's an amazing woman."

"Well I have to confess that no other questions will be asked," dad sat back and gazed at Regina in awe. "You've just earned an A somehow in my books easily. Maybe I should have asked that question first."

"Really? No questions about my parents' jobs and my grades?" she teased, pouting at him.

Mom snorted and dad threw his head back and laughed heartily.

"I'm not even going to ask you your age because you're agile enough to cope with Emma and ride a motorbike whilst my old legs can't even muster up enough energy to throw themselves over a bicycle."

She was older than mom. I knew that for sure although my mother never really brought up her age. I figured that she was around forty five though since the age gap between her and dad was five years. And dad was fifty. So I was basically dating a badass woman, the same age as my father, and it didn't bother me at all because she was a babe.

"I suppose you want to marry her some day?" mom leaned in closer to whisper.

Dad was asking Regina about me and I really wanted to listen in by the energetic bunny at my side didn't back down. She kept pestering me with questions about wedding rings and if I hung up my towel properly after taking a shower. If I placed my shoes neatly next to the door and helped with chores. I barely managed to catch Regina telling dad about her belief in me and her aim to help me better myself in my studies and my job. He seemed pleased enough with that and they began to talk about taxes.

Sometime later down though, whilst it was nearing eleven o'clock, I began to grow really sleepy and managed to fall asleep on the carpet. As promised, the mattress had been brought down, fixed just in front of the fire and next to the tree. Mom had given us three blankets so I couldn't steal all of them like the night before.

My dreams took me to a place where I did not want to go at all.

It was so tormenting, seeing that one pale face staring up at me whilst I could literally feel her fingers closing around my wrist. It was a nightmare that always made me wake up with a start, on the verge of tears and I couldn't go back to sleep just then. Untangling myself from Regina sleeping already, I was groggy still, light headed and somehow my feet were strong enough to lead me into my room upstairs.

After retrieving the pink wooden chest from my wardrobe, about a foot wide and the same depth, I sat upon the floor on my pink Hello Kitty mat. Carefully lifting the lid, obviously the first thing that greeted my burning eyes was the pile of Nancy Drew books.

Taking them out, I studied the titles: 'Secret of Mirror Bay', 'The Glowing Eye', 'The Mysterious Mannequin', 'Mystery at Lilac Inn', and 'The Hidden Staircase'. I had read them so many times and marveled over the series, well, what little I could manage to buy from the set.

Inside the covers, my thumb moved over the red gel ink she used to write her name in a heart with mine.

**Elizabeth and Emma**

**Best Friends Forever**

Her perfect writing, the way she wrote her common 'A's with the curl at the top and her looped 'L's. Even thinking about her in that moment made me realize that I had buried those memories so deep down inside, I had actually managed to bring myself close enough to forgetting that entire phase of my life.

That's what pain and hatred do to you.

But I didn't hate her.

Could I?

I had this best friend who always used to be there for me in every way possible. This girl who used to accept my weirdness; the way I wore my hair messy and my baggy pants. She loved my boyish side and we went everywhere together. At nights, I stared at the window and remember how the sound of that fuzzy yellow ball used to sound when it hit the glass. How I'd wake up immediately and rush to see her standing below in the moonlight, brandishing a flashlight and a packet of chocolate biscuits.

We never liked waking up early on Sundays to attend church but just the thought of seeing each other and having her there with me; it was totally worth it. Dancing on the church steps and drawing in our workbooks during Sunday School.

Lizzie had no idea how much she had hurt me.

I took out the little yellow doll she had made for me, and tears slid down my cheeks when a rip under the arm made the stuffing peek out. With little green buttons as eyes, she had drawn on the nose and mouth and I remembered mom sewing the little green Sunday dress for the toy. To that date, the doll would be roughly fourteen years old.

Our scrap book with dried up petals of flowers, and a monarch butterfly we had found dead in mom's garden. Pictures of kittens and cats from the newspapers, writing in our own dialogue on the photo to add humor. All of it made me cry and I couldn't even paw around anymore inside the chest when the tears came.

Hugging my knees, I shook from sobs and felt the wound open up again. I heard her tell me to walk away and leave her alone, to live my life because I was lucky and she wasn't. I heard her tell me to take all her books because she couldn't take them with her. And no matter how many times I had played those lines over in my head, I could never find comfort in them. I could never believe to myself that she meant well or she was trying to tell me she loved me on her death bed. Nothing.

How could someone you cared about so much, say those things to you?

Didn't I mean anything at all? Enough to deserve a hug as a farewell or a kiss or something else other than that cold stare? Where the hell was she, literally? I remember how I had cried in mom's arms, wanting to rush back in the hospital and shout at Lizzie. To shout and empty my heart, reminding her of what we had done and how she made me feel. All of it.

Now here I was, and I found someone so amazing. I found someone who reminded me of her so much and still, she never had opened the wound. Instead, the woman of my dreams had managed to soothe it to a point where the pain wasn't even felt anymore.

Until now when I had opened that box without her by my side to help me through the fear and the pain. And I was facing this alone. And I didn't have her there to hug me.

"Emma?"

Staring at the door, I could have sworn that I saw Lizzie standing upon the threshold just for a moment. The round face and wide eyes. A kind of scared look. The one she'd give me when I wasn't feeling well and the bedroom door opened and my space was invaded. But then her sweet smile disappeared and Regina stepped into the room, hugging herself.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" she asked hoarsely, whilst I pawed around, trying to collect the stuff quickly. "I felt you were missing and grew so worried."

Remaining silent, I sniffed and bit my lips, quickly packing the stuff back into the chest, my hands shaking.

Of course she would be fast enough to catch on. She was always so observant and always in tune with me, nothing could slip past her.

Softly holding onto 'The Mysterious Mannequin', our fingers brushed. "I remember reading this along with the rest of the collection," she said quietly whilst I let go and allowed her to have it. "Father forced mother to buy me the entire collection and I must have read each one about three times."

I said nothing and kept my eyes lowered.

She opened the book and I could tell that the writing in red was read. Silence slipped by between us. I left the chest open and felt that she would get in whether I wanted it or not.

"Elizabeth." The name sounded so soothing in her voice, and yet it was anything but that. "Are you ever going to let me in to this part of your life?" I was asked softly.

Inhaling deeply, I hugged my knees.

"Emma, I'd like to know more. I'd like to..." the book was turned over and she glanced at the back, "...be certain that you want me to know more about you. Because like you would say, we have this bond. This...connection. And it hurts me to hear of this...person who captivated your heart and still I am not trusted enough to know about her."

"I literally dug a grave and buried all of it," I croaked.

"Am I trusted enough to be told about this girl?"

"I don't want you to see me like this, okay?" I said hoarsely, hugging my knees and shielding wet eyes from her. "Please don't hate me for it but...I can't."

The silence that elapsed was probably the most hurtful part of any Christmas day I had ever lived through. When I felt soft fingers brushing my hair, the need to just give in, to cry and to show her all the broken pieces of me was just so tempting. It was so hurtful to know that even at that point, I didn't want her to witness my vulnerability to this one person who had destroyed me.

She came around to sit next to me. Our legs were pressed together and then I was hugged softly. Feeling her warmth. Feeling how we bonded so easily and I could be kissed without asking. Moving strands of my blonde hair away from a wet left cheek and resting her soft lips just there.

"I don't know how to erase it," I said, my voice muffled between my arms. "I don't know how to swallow it and keep everything buried."

"That's because you can't," she whispered upon my face, feeling her warm breath soothed me. "You can't bury it, Emma. This ghost from your closet has to be confronted and we need to find a way to help you cope with it. To a point where, even a memory will never break you down. I'd like you to let me in."

"I want to."

"Then what's stopping you?"

"The fact that..." lifting my head, I felt how she rubbed our faces together affectionately, "the fact that you remind me of her. And you're the only way of helping me to heal because ever since I've met you, it's like she doesn't matter anymore. It's like I've met someone way better and someone worth putting all my effort into...every single thing I do, I just keep thinking about you."

The tears that clouded her brown eyes were enough to make mine wet again. "Stop making my heart melt," she said hoarsely. "I know that it's a rather...strange request but I'm really trying stay composed here. For you. Because you are in need of someone to lean on. So please don't push us both into that well of...feels."

It reached a point where I somehow began to show her the scrap book. Hugging me from behind, our faces resting side by side, I flipped through the pages slowly without speaking. Our fingers brushed. She merely studied the photos and then the Nancy Drew books were taken up again.

"The Mystery at Lilac Inn was my favorite," she said softly, using her thumb to caress the photo of Nancy.

"That was her favorite too," I said, my chest heaving. "And she also loved The Dana Girls."

"I read the Dana Girls constantly," Regina confessed and chuckled in her throat. "As well as The Hardy Boys. Although mother and Zelena frowned upon that choice."

The silence that lingered on when I showed her Lizzie's old photo was a long one. With her arm wrapped around me, Lizzie's dark hair was shining in the afternoon sun, wearing one of those yellow straw hats, brown eyes shaded from the glare. She had the kindest eyes ever. That, I remembered. The kind of eyes to melt you.

"She always wanted to tour Europe," I said, remembering how we oftentimes borrowed books from the library about Scotland and England. "We were always talking about saving up to take a vacation."

"Europe is a very nice place and I have always wanted to go there since I was younger as well," Regina said to me, still studying the photo.

"What about ABBA?"

"What about them?" she pressed a kiss onto my cheek and hugged me tighter.

"Since you have so much in common already, as far as I know, I was just wondering if you liked them."

"I love them. I have every album, have watched all of their concerts, I own a DVD with their music videos. And I have frequented their official website, in the hopes of hearing of them doing another album together."

"Fernando," I said, smiling.

"Yes. Voulez Vous, Mamma Mia, Dancing Queen, Waterloo, Money-Money-Money, One of us, Super Trouper, The Winner Takes It All, and countless other classics. Do you mind if I ask you something quite deep about Lizzie, Emma?"

I was still listening to the faint sounds of ABBA playing in my head and nodded.

"Forgive me if I might come across as blunt. But you can refrain from answering." She adjusted her position next to me and sat up a little. "When did Lizzie die exactly?"

Of course it was hurtful to remember. But I managed anyway to claw through the smoke and come up back for air.

"October 23rd. Last year of high school, I basically failed most of my subjects because of her. Getting out of Storybrooke was kind of like an escape. I couldn't stay here."

"October...23rd," she said slowly.

"Yeah."

"That would have been...2007?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I just..." I could feel her chest heave and immediately turned to lock eyes.

"You just what?"

"On the 23rd of October, 2007, I was in a car accident in L.A. It's just a mere coincidence but I had slight head trauma. Whatever..." she said, shaking her head, eyes squeezed shut. "It is nothing. Besides, my Ferrari was written off and I simply do not wish to remember the sight of my darling in that state. Bad memory."

It was really a coincidence but I didn't believe in them.

"Maybe whilst she left, her soul kissed your soul or something."

"Quite...frightful and hell no," she said, brown eyes wide. "No spooks after midnight, my dear."

"So okay," I managed to smile, our fingers entwined, "at that point, that's when Mercedes came in and replaced the Ferrari, huh?"

"Emma, she was gorgeous," Regina said, her eyes shining. "Her engine purred nicely, doors closing without a sound. The investment I made into that beauty -"

"I'm jealous, just saying."

"She was my first love."

"Well at this point," I used my cupped fingers to caress her face, "I'll be here to help you get past that...phase in your life. So we can both heal."

Brown eyes turned to me and a stare turned into a fit of laughter.


	18. Lizzie's Ghost Comes Back To Haunt Me

**Excerpt**

" **I don't care what the hell happens between now and ten years from now. All I want, is to spend as much time as possible with you. I don't give a shit about death right now."**

" **Because you've experienced it already? Losing someone?" her tone was slightly unsteady. "Because she simply pushed you away and your coping strategy is to place all your bets on a future with me, hoping that the same thing wouldn't happen?"**

**I stared back and couldn't decipher her words. To me, it appeared as if she was harsh. Because my heart was always the first organ to respond to her words and right there and then, I felt a squeeze and a slice of pain.**

" **What does that mean?" It had to be asked, because we had a misunderstanding before and I didn't want another one. I wanted her to tell me up front, what this was about.**

" **It means that I'm your second chance, Emma. She was there first, in your heart," tears clouded her brown eyes. "Wasn't she?"**

* * *

** Friday **

"So have you two used a strap on as yet?"

I nearly choked on my glass of lemonade and had to double over, clawing the chair under me because that was mom. Imagine my mom was asking me that and we were literally sitting outside, practically in the middle of a conversation about my studies. Guys, we had been talking about financial accounting and the fact that taxation had brutally stabbed me. The realization had kicked in when Regina noted that I mentioned going into my third year at university when this was really my fourth. I was just about to explain to her that my first year was spent doing marketing so basically drifting over to business management exempted me from some courses.

And mom suddenly swung the table around.

With her cup of Lipton tea neatly resting upon a white saucer, Regina studied me with this amused expression. "Quite a refreshing turn of conversation."

"I am so not going to answer that," I said to my mother. She was smiling back at me so innocently, I couldn't understand how it was possible to ask a question like that with such a convincing expression on that round face.

"Do you use toys?"

"Mom," I held up my right hand, trying to send her a warning, "don't you dare." I sighed and focused on Regina. "So basically, it's four years in total but Business Management only consisted of three."

"A Diploma in Marketing and a Degree in Business Management."

"Correcto," I nodded.

"Or are you really old fashioned and you're waiting on marriage?"

"That." I nodded and prayed to the heavens that the conversation would end there. "We're waiting."

"I mean, she was always good with her hands," mom continued, scrunching up her face and turning to face Regina. "Quite handsy like her father. He's always utilizing his hands around the house or in...other departments. But -"

"Mom!" she was not doing this to me. "Stop it."

"I figure that she's a topper because she always likes to take control of things -"

"Dad!" I reared my head and tried to get his attention because he'd save me from this, hopefully. He was inside there, stretched off on the couch watching ELF.

"Always used to play the little man around the house. Busy fixing this or fixing that."

"Oh, she's quite the same in New York," Regina was contributing.

I turned to send her a look but she obviously was reveling in this drama.

"Utilize her well," mom urged my girlfriend with a nod and a stolid expression. "Keep her occupied. Idle minds make chicken brains."

"I don't believe this." Flinging my hands up, I rose from the chair and finally noted dad approaching us with a smile on his face. "Dad, have you any idea what mom's doing to me right now? Were you hearing any of it?"

"I simply asked if they use a strap on or toys," mom's face was upturned and her eyes locked with dad's. I couldn't understand why he was beaming still. "Is something wrong with asking such a thing, David?"

He shrugged and threw a glance at Regina. "I guess. It's private." I sat back down.

"Private?" Obviously she was confused. "It's not like I asked them for details. Size, shape and color. Or if the straps are red. Or if it's a double ended -"

"Snow..." dad rested a hand upon her back and smiled around. "Easy there."

Snorting, the brunette sitting beside me was laughing with her brown eyes. "We don't use such things, mother-in-law," she said hoarsely, shoulders shaking slightly as the fits of giggles was somehow muffled.

"Oh do call me Snow," my mother urged, tilting her head sideways and she really began to worry me. "Let's not be so formal. I am merely a woman who gave birth to the...young lady," I was gestured at, "...that you have given your soul and body to in bed and everywhere else."

"Are you high or something?" I stared back at her and she blinked at me. "Did you spike your tea? What the hell are you doing to me, mom?"

"When she gets like this, it's best to spank her," Regina was told in a hushed voice. "I'd put her across my lap and do it but you're the one in charge now."

"That's it!" I sprung up and laughed out of disbelief. "Apparently my entire family has gone mad. Completely mad. I'm going for a walk."

With this huge grin on her face suddenly, she waved at someone behind me, someone possibly walking on the road. "Oh, hi, Bradley! How are you?"

I immediately felt my insides grow cold and stared at her because if it was him then that zipper incident would make me feel like crap. If it was Bradley, then I was in for the scare of my life, especially if puberty had hit him, then he had evolved into a hunk like Zac Efron or something. Because I could distinctly remember making fun of him constantly after that episode. Calling him the dweeb who couldn't handle my sexiness, that's why he never spoke to me after that incident. But to have us meet again?

"Mrs. Blanchard!"

The sound of geek met my ears and I felt somewhat relieved. Somewhat. Slowly turning around, I noted Regina studying the person behind me already and her face merely revealed slight amusement still. "Mom said to tell you that she's going to send the cake over this afternoon. She hasn't cut it up as yet."

From the time our eyes met, obviously I wasn't the only one who had remembered the zipper incident because the look on his face changed from sheer delight to utter shock. Look, to be honest, he hadn't evolved into a Zac Efron but as close enough to Harry Potter as a dude could ever get. The chubby cheeks were gone and was replaced by a chiseled jawline and the kind of nose that wasn't too big but not really small either. Those piercing blue eyes were still there. His face was shaved, light brown hair was parted sideways, and slightly disheveled.

"Gosh, Emma?" the way his head moved on that long neck made me somehow remember a bird I had seen in the zoo once.

"Dude." I could say nothing else in greeting. I faked a smile and inhaled deeply.

"Emma's gay, Bradley," mom piped up. It was like being pushed into the path of oncoming traffic. "And this is her wife, Regina Mills."

I swear, if I could set a shitload of cats on her, I'd do it. Because she hated cats and they made her squeal. They would make her run, run far away and hopping around like a lunatic. I'd video it and put it on YouTube. My mother was scratching my freaking nerves.

"That's...nice!" His eyes lit up and even though he was on the other side of the balcony's railing, I felt as if there was no barrier and somehow the front of my jeans would be looked at. He'd look at the zipper and blush. "It's good to see you around again, Emma. Coming home for the holidays is good. How are your studies going?"

"Third year into Business Management," I shrugged, offering a smile.

"Fourth year into Electrical Engineering."

Show off.

"I actually already have a Diploma in Marketing already. So this Degree is an add on." Who's the boss now? Ha.

"That's awesome. For me, mostly I'm heading out to Canada when I'm finished. Going to utilize myself over there." He swung his arms about and tried to appear fascinating but to me, all I noted was geek.

"Yeah? So you're really going to build the flying car then?" I teased, trying to get a rise out of him.

Smiling back, Bradley who was dressed in a simple blue plaid shirt and a pair of black jeans sighed. "J.K Rowling got there first, I guess."

"I'm talking about the real thing," I said.

"Nice line of thought," he pointed out and swallowed. "It's good that you remembered that, actually. Here I was thinking that you'd never remember me at all."

"How...could...I...forget?"

We stared at each other for a long time.

Carrying my books.

My little slave.

Drooling over me.

The door opening.

My zipper down.

Flushed cheeks.

End of friendship.

"So," mom clapped her hands and brought me back into the NOW which was THEN, "tell your mother that I'm looking out for my cake. All three slices. And she can add a fourth because it's the holiday season."

"Sure," Bradley smiled stiffly at me and did a small wave. "So I'll see you around, Emma."

"Hey, I'll look for you on Facebook," I said, pointing at him and smiling widely.

"Sure thing!"

I watched him walk to the road again and rolled my eyes. "Yeah, right. Ugh."

Add him on Facebook? Call me a bit harsh but that wasn't going to happen. Most things that were attached to my life inside Storybrooke, I didn't want to return to.

"Oh he's aware now," mom was saying to Regina, with a nod. "Gloria knows that she has to keep promises."

"How could you even ask the guy something like that?" I glared at her. "A fourth slice? Really? Can't you just be contented with one freaking slice?"

"No," she frowned.

"For goodness sakes, you have three pans of black cake on the table in there," I gestured inside the house and stared. "I've seen you eat two slices since Christmas Eve."

"You'll take a pan home with you. Wouldn't you, my beautiful daughter-in-law?" her rosy face addressed Regina who was busy sucking on an ice cube.

"Yes, thank you, and please," they shared a smile, "do call me Regina."

"You are too kind," mother dearest somehow allowed her cheeks to flush slightly and my girlfriend was waved off. "Stop it, you."

Xxx

**Still Friday**

So basically, we were bonding and there was plenty of time spent with my parents.

As a tradition every single year for as long as I could remember, the church would donate meals and toys to this orphanage for girls and boys attached to the Saint Joseph's Ursuline Convent. Honestly, it was something to really look forward to and if you've never done charity work, then I'll tell you this, guys, it's the best feeling of all.

To walk in there with gifts and to spend time with all these eager faces, crowding around me because I was remembered. I was never forgotten by most of them because last year, we practically spent like three days together during my August vacation. It was summer, I was home again and somehow, my interest was piqued to venture into their world a little. To follow Sister Margie and tend to the cats inside the Convent.

Don't get me wrong, okay? Religion had always been something of importance to me. I kept the faith. But when it came to attending church, sure I'll admit that my visits to services and masses had diminished. But I still found joy in getting in there and being around the children of ages ranging from like as young as four to as old as eighteen.

"This is a really, really, really good friend of mine," I introduced Regina to like ten of the girls in the garden that afternoon whilst mom and the Nuns prepared the food.

"She's your best friend?" Cassie, a seven year old with huge black rimmed glasses asked, peering up at me. "I thought I was your best friend, Emma?"

"I'm her best friend!" Davie, another five year old brunette said, tugging at my denim jeans. Her huge brown eyes watched me. "Emma's my best friend!"

"No, she's mine."

"She's mine!"

"She loves me!"

"She loves me more!"

I sent Regina a warm smile and she shook her head.

"Listen, guys," bending my back a little, just to meet their level in some way, I lowered my voice and tried to gaze around at all of them, "I love you all."

"But you can't love us all the same," Anne Marie, a ten year old with blonde hair said, tears clouding her blue eyes. "You have to choose one."

"Choose me!" Davie cried, jumping on the spot and smiling widely. "I'm your baby, remember?"

"I can't choose," I tried a pout as mom signaled for me. The food was ready. "I really can't choose and I have to honestly say that yeah, I'm a rare case. But I can have more than one best friend. And all of you, you're my best friends. I look forward to seeing you guys every single year. It's the most amazing feeling. Ever."

"Ever," Davie said in her tiny voice, refusing to let go of my right hand. "You love us ever more."

"Definitely," I nodded, noting how Regina was gazing at me with the warmest pair of brown eyes. "So how about we get something to eat and I want to hear all about the stuff you've been up to since we last met."

"Yes!" a couple of them sprang up and danced around, whilst Annabeth who was one of the eldest at sixteen, she sent me a smile.

Mom could really fit in with the Nuns as if she was one of them. You should have seen her, with that eager round face, pixie cut dark hair, a little plump since last year and all motherly. Handing out cardboard boxes filled with potato chips and chicken nuggets to the girls whilst dad handled the males on the other side of the building.

I sat in the garden around one of the tables with the girls and listened to them tell me about a ghost in the church.

After carefully listening to their story and asking the source, it dawned upon me that someone had created this apparition to find an excuse just to stay away from Sunday masses.

Back in the days, like I mentioned before, being a kid and all, it was kind of like a hassle to sleep early on Saturday nights. Just to get up early enough on Sundays to attend the 7:30 am mass. Then there was Sunday school after and home time. But the waking up early part used to bother me, and then sitting there in the pew trying really hard to pay attention to the readings. Having no idea what some of the words meant and why Jesus had 12 Disciples. And I don't even want to talk about the frilly dresses mom used to have me wear. The lace making me feel all itchy and sweaty, these ridiculous white socks and a pair of white, high heeled shoes.

Then she used to put these colorful slides in my hair to 'girl me up'.

"Emma, your turn!" Maddie said, one of the youngest just like Davie. She was swinging her legs under the table and chewing on a nugget dipped in ketchup. "What's your favorite book?"

I had become lost in gazing at Regina standing next to a statue of Mary, in the middle of the garden whilst an eighteen year old engaged her in conversation. How beautiful she appeared, I couldn't really detail all of it into words because when one can wear a simple green dress and radiate like that, it's out of this world.

"Alice in Wonderland," I said absentmindedly.

"Oh, I like that one!"

"Me too!" a few of them clapped.

She was using her hands to speak, obviously explaining something and I wanted to know what the topic was. The other girl whose name was Angelina seemed really interested in the conversation and was listening intently, her curly black hair tied up. She was very slim and I remembered her as being one of the older orphans who really looked after the younger ones. She was like a mother to them.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Emma?" Annabeth asked, obviously growing bored with the childish topics and wishing to know more about romance at the age of sixteen.

"Eew," Davie wrinkled her nose, full of energy and she couldn't keep still. "I hate boys."

"Of course you do," Annabeth sent her a smile and raised her eyebrows at me. She was really pretty, with red hair and the kind of green eyes that made her appear like a fairy. "Emma?"

"Nah," I smiled back and reached up to tie my messy blonde hair into a slack ponytail. "I'm all focused on studying. School work," I said so the others would understand. "I hope you guys are doing your work and reading."

"I'm reading The Little Mermaid," Davie said proudly, her box almost empty and I was proud myself, to notice how all of them had managed to finish their lunches.

"That's awesome," I reached for her hand and squeezed it. "Anyone else reading any other books?"

They all began to list their choices and I noted my mom staring at me which only meant one thing. She was telling the Nuns some embarrassing story about my childhood and it wasn't a surprise. Sister Maria Anne who reminded me of the plump and jolly Nun from Sister Act was brightly smiling in my direction. I waved back and my hand was snatched by Maddie who giggled.

Very soon, they were all led upstairs and we bid our farewells. Of course, my hands weren't freed until Sister Margie came in and demanded that they let me go. Davie started to cry and Maddie couldn't leave the room. I couldn't help it. Giving them both a kiss and a tight hug, I left there with tears in my eyes that Regina definitely understood. She never said a word but kept an arm around me whilst mom drove us back to the house.

Because of the fact that the day after Christmas was spent mostly at the orphanage and with the church, we didn't get a chance to open gifts. So the presents remained under the tree except for one. Well, I was brave enough to leave my gift to Regina under there because unlike her, apparently it was pretty decent. Plus I wanted to really have her feel special by opening it up in front of them.

So what exactly did she get me, you might be asking?

At like ten o'clock that night, after we had all watched part of Call Me Claus with Whoopi Goldberg, I dragged my tired self up to bed. Even she was tired, moving to sit upon the window seat and gazing into the night whilst I slipped into a red sweater and a pair of thick long black pants. Moving to lock the door, I remained silent and savored the sounds outside, of us just being in there, together, after a long day with just the sound of traffic humming not so far away on the highway.

"So what were you and Angelina talking about earlier?" I began, trying to fold some of my clothes.

"Business. She's quite intrigued about becoming a project manager. I merely provided…tips…on what she should pursue."

"Oh definitely Business Management," I said, smiling.

"Perhaps branching off immediately from the beginning and taking up her studies in Project Management would be best. Providing that she's serious about that pathway." Regina suggested.

When I found the red Victoria Secret gift box lying snugly inside my old wardrobe that was really built small enough for a kid, this huge grin spread across my face. The first thing that came into my mind was that it was lingerie. It had to be lingerie because it wasn't that heavy when I picked it up.

"I wonder if I can actually wear it in this weather though?" I carefully rested the box upon the bed and sat down.

"Wear what?" came her husky voice from the window seat.

Our eyes met and I realized that hers were huge.

"The lingerie," I pointed out, gesturing at the gift.

"Is it?" I was smirked at.

Suddenly growing really interested, the yellow ribbon that was wrapped around the box, I untied it and lifted the lid. How in the world she could trick me like that, I had no idea. Inside the box, there was just a sheet of paper and on it were the words:

**I HAVE YOUR GIFT. SEARCH ME TO FIND IT.**

"Ha," she narrowed those mischievous brown eyes at me. "Thought you'd manage the easy way out, dear? Well not quite."

"Where is it?" my gaze roamed her figure; a green wool sweater with long sleeves and a pair of thick black slacks.

"Do as the note says," she spread open her arms and smirked. "It's on me somewhere. So...here's your chance to treasure hunt, darling."

"You know," I slid off the bed and smiled, "this is not going to end well for you. At all."

"That was my intention."

From the moment I stepped up closer to her, Regina sprang up from the seat and ducked out of reach. Moving to the bed with this huge grin on her face, I was watched whilst those sexy fingers clipped the top of that green sweater. I hated that sweater, really hated it because I had to take it off. I had to search her. And I wanted my gift oh so badly.

"Is it between your legs?" I drew closer to her but tentatively, never allowing our eyes to part. "Tell me where it is."

"What fun is there in that?" she arched an eyebrow at me.

"Well whatever it is," I swallowed, wondering if it was inside her, "I'll find it." Because if it was inside her, then that was somehow disturbingly erotic. To a point where I was really turned on from the thought of it. If it was a sex toy, then this was definitely going to end with both of us naked. And in a weather like that, we really needed body heat to keep us going. Like, a lot of body heat.

I advanced on her and she backed away, eventually tumbling onto the bed with this dark look in her brown eyes. The smile was twisted and somewhat tempting enough to have me erase it with a kiss. Hungrily attacking her parted lips, I felt fingers running through my hair and therein began the moment of unraveling and unfolding.

It was a challenge to peel off her sweater because she growled at me and put up a fight. Balled fists curled into my chest and tried to push me away. Regina was actually role playing here, teasing me in her own way and I really loved the game. It was something new and entirely exciting, especially when we managed to wrap our legs around each other and the biting began.

Slowly up my neck at first. She used her teeth to graze a pathway that ended with sucking my right earlobe and pulling. My moan filled the room and the silence was a thing of the past because as soon as I managed to pull the damn sweater over her head, it was like a chain reaction. Chests heaving, the squeak of the bed springs worried me at first but then I remembered that my parents slept in the room way on the other side of the house. Which was good. It was very good.

"Surrender," I used my thumbs to massage her erect nipples pressing through the red lace bra.

"Never." She arched her back though, biting those red stained lips, fingers digging into my shoulders.

"I'm going to find it," I said confidently. "I know where it is."

"Where?"

"Down south..."

"I want you to..." She gasped when I slid my hand into the front of her slacks, wasting no time in cupping that area that was already burning up. It was overwhelming to feel how turned on she was through the feel of her lace panties.

"You want me to what?" I nudged her legs apart with mine and moved in closer, resting our foreheads together.

Gazing at me, Regina took a hold of my hand around the wrist and began to press my fingers deeper. She really sparked up and was obviously aching to have me make love to her. Which wasn't a ridiculous request at all. Of course I'd oblige. So moving in to hungrily devour her mouth with a deep kiss that made our bodies twist from pleasure, I leaned forward and slid a finger into her. Mewling, her back met the bed and warm legs wrapped around me, drawing our bodies nearer as I made love to her and chewed on a delicious neck that was already burning up. Flushed cheeks rubbed upon mine and her gasps filled the air, lips parted when I tugged down the baggy pants and moved over her.

"Why am I always the first one to become undressed?" she panted, breathing through those soft lips.

I smiled and nudged our noses together. "There's so much to see…on you…I can't resist."

She helped me out of my sweater and held onto the waist of the black pants I had on, trying to get it off of me. I felt the brush of those fingers between my parted legs and still kept manning the top, watching how the passion in her brown eyes glinted and softened gradually whilst she neared the edge. She was becoming dazed, losing control and merely returning the favor was a challenge.

However, if there was one thing about Regina, it was the simple fact that nothing could stop her. Not even the strongest waves of pleasure.

I made her come undone in no time and yet, even with a heaving chest and a convulsing body, she managed to use her hand to massage between my legs. From the moment I felt the sudden entry, it blinded my mind. Swallowing hard, I slackened my composure and melted into her arms whilst she used every ounce of energy left to build up a rhythm. And oh how fantastic that move was. Using her thumb to massage that one area of me over and over again. Never getting in, never pushing it for obvious reasons but all the same, it was enough to make me dizzy. So amazing it was, a feeling that swung my head when the top was taken by her.

My breasts were sucked and licked slowly, taking her time with me and allowing those fingers to entwine with mine. Her choppy hair tickled my bare chest as she moved downwards and kissed between my legs. And somehow, with one more massage given to me, I released my pent up passion and came under her. It was a bout of warm orgasms that rippled through and made my heart slow down, my brain relax and the kiss she offered only unhinged me further.

By the time I managed to find where my gift was, we were lying in each other's arms, wearing only our panties. And somehow, the feel of her slacks just behind my back sparked up a sudden idea.

Brown eyes alight, she gazed at my move. "Hug me, Emma."

"Just a minute," I collected the bundle and began to unfold it.

"Emma," Regina said hoarsely, capturing my face between her warm palms and trying to get my full attention, "I'm so, so cold. Hug me."

"I know what you're doing," I suddenly smiled. "You're trying to distract me."

"From what?" she tried to appear completely oblivious to my line of thought but it wasn't that cute enough to divert my attention.

"I know where it is." Feeling the square box inside the pocket of her black pants, I reached in for it with numb fingers.

Even before I could lock eyes with the damn gift, my face was snatched and I was pulled into a deep kiss. Completely knocking the wind out of my chest, Regina kissed me back so intensely, I couldn't think. It was done with one purpose but she failed eventually because fingers that wrapped around the box within my hand slackened as our lips moved sensually. And curling into me, she moaned within her throat, our chests pressed together.

I wanted all of it. And I wanted it to last forever. Having her next to me like that. Feeling how warm she was and her smell. All of it was driving me insane. So that when I eventually managed to open the box, my eyelids were drooping.

But hey, a silver locket lined with diamonds would wake up any wide eyed girlfriend.

"Check inside," she urged me, her voice tickling my skin, awakening my pores. "I did something."

"You already do so much," I smiled at her and pressed our lips together into a brief kiss.

"I hope you enjoyed the thrill," she ran her fingers through my tangled up blonde hair and watched me when I opened the locket.

Honestly, when I cast my eyes on the photo of us fitted inside, the one Killian took at the Carnival, my heart melted. It was the actual thought of knowing that she did all of that, just to save a memory for me. Just to have me take a part of her everywhere I went. Inside a locket. Us. And on the other half of the heart, she had our initials engraved in four tiny letters, it was so cute. I couldn't help but wrap my arms around her.

"Oh babe."

She hugged me back. "I hope that you wear it forever," I was told in a very soft voice, lips pressed onto my ear. "Because I want us to last forever."

"You're going to make me cry," I croaked, entwining our legs and never wanting any amount of space to come between us.

"Tears of joy only," Regina said, caressing my hair and resting our foreheads together. "After seeing how you were with the kids today, Emma, I couldn't help but envision my future with you. You're amazing. Absolutely incredible. And there's nothing else I would ever want in this world, than to spend every special moment with you."

I couldn't reply. All I could do was to lie there on my side, wrapped in her arms and gaze into those brown eyes whilst mine filled with tears. Lips bitten, she didn't take my silence as offensive. No. That's how we were. We fell asleep just like that and I swear, even the weather couldn't affect us because with our bodies melting into each other like that, the purest warmth was felt that lasted throughout the night.

Xxx

** Saturday **

The next morning, it was pretty colder than before but I managed to gain control of my legs. Two sticks that were numbed to a point where I felt like a freaking plastic doll. At first it was a challenge, however, as soon as I felt how sweaty Regina had become, it was like adrenaline kicked in. She was literally burning up, and my fingers brushed her inner thighs to realize that my poor babe was sweating in every single place possible because we were still naked. The sheet was twisted across her waist, full breasts exposed. Immediately reaching for the green sweater bundled up somewhere between us, I unfolded it.

After gently trying to pull it over her head, she scrunched up her face and mewled, balled fists digging into the bed. Getting her arms through the sleeves wasn't that hard to do because Regina was still so deep in sleep, her body was like moving around a stuffed animal. And I somehow began to remember this one time when I had bought a doll's dress for my cat Paws and tried to put it on her when she was sleeping. The cuteness overload was too much, just the same as now since my super sexy girlfriend was curling up like a baby into my chest.

"Mills, you're a work of art," I said smiling, caressing her dark, choppy hair that tickled my right shoulder. "You're really the boss of my heart."

There were three consecutive knocks on the door and then the knob was turning slowly. Damn you mom! Damn you for never even calling out or giving us time to get ourselves ready for your forceful entry! In she came, first her round face peeking in, washed over with glee. And that was just as I was trying to adjust the sheet over Regina, basically throwing the entire thing over bae's face.

"Morning! Morning!" mom came in on her tippy toes, shoulders hunched as if we were still sleeping.

I stared at her warily and waited, trying to hug myself and feeling really exposed. "Please turn around and head out back. I'm not decent."

"I gave birth to you. I used to bathe you…in the sink…downstairs," she gestured towards the door, eyes widening. "So don't tell me about you being decent."

"Things…have…grown, mom."

"Not by much," she pointed out.

"Hey!"

I was smirked at as Regina pulled me closer, nuzzling her face into my boobs. "Goo away."

"Is she awake?" mom whispered, coming closer and smiling.

Apparently she was. Fingers pressing into my left side, warm lips brushed my right nipple and I trembled slightly. Hiding under the sheet. That's what she was doing. Hiding under there and pretending to be asleep still.

"Regina…"

"Mother-in-law," came the hoarse reply upon my chest, her hand reaching between my legs, "turn off the light."

"As much as I'd like to, it's half past eleven, very close to lunchtime and not midnight. So get up, get up, get up." The last part was sung as if she was a Sunday School teacher or something. "Rise and shine, ladies. It's a brand new day and I made beans, chicken salad and fried rice."

My eyes widened. Immediately sitting up, I allowed Regina's head to tumble onto the bed without the support of my chest. My sweater was snatched. I hurriedly pulled it on. Then reaching for the sheet, quickly it was torn off of me, and pushed aside, my feet already feeling around for the pair of furry slippers below.

"I'm…hungry," I said robotically, scrambling to stand up.

"Both of you," Regina croaked, rolling over, "leave. See you in an hour."

And an hour turned into two hours. Then when she did surface, showing her pretty face downstairs, I stared, completely forgetting the movie. Eyes perfectly lined black, red lipstick on, and dressed in this dark blue, velvet, long sleeved dress with a pair of black tights on. Oh God, she looked so good, I immediately wanted to wrap my arms around her and savor the fact that yeah, this was mine. I had all of her and we belonged to each other more than never before.

"So mom says we can open gifts tonight after coming back from the neighborhood walk," I said, moving one of the fluffy pillows aside and eyeing the swell of her cleavage.

"Are your parents always this busy?" she inclined her head in my direction and sat down gracefully, as always, thighs pressed together and hands folded in her lap.

"Always," I assured her, turning down the television and listening to mom's light conversation going on outside. "Like right now, she has two friends over." I gestured to the window just on the left side of where we sat. "They're out there sitting on folding chairs, sipping lemonade. She's really social. Kind of like a butterfly."

"That's nice." Brown eyes were lowered to meet my basically flat chest that I considered wrongfully treated by God and that smile upon her lips widened a bit. "You're wearing the necklace."

I tilted my head and smiled back, capturing the locket between my fingers and showing her. "I showed mom."

"And?" she seemed intrigued.

Reaching across the slice of distance, our fingers gently brushed and it was definitely enough to draw us closer. "Well obviously she...loves it. She said that it's really cute."

"I thought so." Her voice was slightly hoarser than usual and that immediately captured my attention.

Gazing at her expression and then into those brown eyes, I tried to search for any change in emotion but found none. Just the fact that she seemed affected by something and the wall was up again. I could sense it. Whenever my mind couldn't pry deeper into her soul, and I couldn't see a certain amount of raw feelings, the facade was activated.

"You okay?" moving in a little, our legs met and my cupped fingers caressed her right cheek. Immediately melting into my touch, Regina sighed.

"Yes."

It wasn't enough. I pushed myself up and boldly seated myself upon her lap. It was a move that stunned her at first but then gingerly as I fitted us snugly together, and raked my fingers through that amazing dark hair, she relaxed.

"What's up?"

She blinked at me and took a hold of my shoulders, squeezing gently. It was something I had grown accustomed to, the times when that move was established and she'd just take my hands and press those fingers of hers into my skin. Some kind of an affectionate move that was really cute and supposedly transferred inaudible assurance to me that everything was okay. Or in some cases, when she squeezed my hand in a public place, I knew that something was wrong or she was trying to get my attention.

"Emma, my biological clock is ticking, apparently."

"Yeah?" I smiled wryly at her and noted that the situation had to be approached delicately because anything in regards to her age was a sensitive issue. "What do you mean by that exactly?"

"You're obviously going to find it rather...weird."

"Oh come on," I protested, slumping my shoulders and exhaling. "I've never found anything weird about you. So why would I start now?"

"Because what I have to say is in relation to my...age and..." she held my shoulders, trying to reassure me that it wasn't a simple matter, "this time, it is really of importance and it will highlight -"

"Regina, stop," I said flatly.

"...the harshness of the truth and reality. And it's not a big deal really but -"

"Then why are you behaving like this about it then?" I frowned.

Mom and her friends laughed outside after some joke. Dad was at church having a meeting with the men's group.

"In all manner of speaking, Emma, this is all about reality."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, glancing away because the amount of times we had this damn conversation, I had lost track. She really couldn't let it go. She couldn't just let it slip through the cracks and accept the fact that it didn't matter to me. None of that mattered.

"You know what," I licked my lips and slid off her lap, then curling into the chair, the remote was taken, "I don't want to have this conversation right now. So let's talk about something else."

"I'm not talking about our age gap, dear -"

"Don't call me dear," I said stiffly, eyes glued to the television. "I don't like when you call me that. It sounds as if it's all based on sarcasm and somewhat professional. And I don't like it."

She allowed a few seconds of silence to elapse between us and then her face was turned to the screen. The Polar Express was on and I really loved that movie to bits. It was right at the part when Santa was giving the boy the bell from the sleigh.

"Hot flashes..." her voice was softer. "I have trouble sleeping at nights and only drifted into a deep slumber after three this morning. My periods..." I turned to stare at her, "...are irregular and lasts for just two days."

"So?"

"It means that I'm slipping into..." she nodded, "...menopause."

"And?" I inhaled deeply, and blinked at her. "Is that supposed to creep me out or something? Make me remember how old we are again?"

"What is wrong with you?" her voice took on that trembling tone again and my face was scrutinized with a worried expression. "Did I do something to upset you?"

"I don't like it when you shove the harsh reality speeches at me."

Her chest heaved.

"I know what this is, okay? I know what I'm facing and what we're doing. What we're involved in. I'm not the kind of...woman...who doesn't accept the fact that yeah, you're ahead of me in life and you've experienced and will experience stuff before me. I know what I'm dealing with. It doesn't mean that we have to think about time running out on us."

"Okay," she nodded, and blinked. The wall was down now and I could see how vulnerable she was, completely raw inside.

"All you had to do was to bring it up without including whatever...was said...before."

"I'm sorry then."

"Don't be." I studied her face and Regina turned away from me, staring at the screen instead. "I also hate the fact that things concerning women, include the word 'men'."

That was me trying to add in some humor but obviously I had fucked up already and there was no going back. The prolonged silence proved that my stupid move to remind her of my lack of care in her age was totally unacceptable. And that's the part where I began to realize that we hadn't fallen out in a long time. Things were so perfect. We were too mushy.

Maybe I was being a stupid bitchy and hormonal ass, but it really upset me every time the age thing came up. And I don't know why.

Taking out her iPhone, I watched her unlock it and the pair of red ear buds were plugged in. Then curling up into the other side of the chair, she rested her head back upon one of mom's yellow pillows. Legs tucked up, Regina completely shut me out and I could only stare at her for over two minutes. The movie played on in front of me and even when I nudged her feet clad in black socks, she refused to make eye contact.

I couldn't ignore that.

I couldn't just sit there and stare at the movie playing in front of me without growing really worried about her behavior.

So slipping off of the couch, on my knees I crawled to her side of the chair and reaching for the phone, our fingers brushed. It was then when she couldn't mask the way our touch made her feel. Chest heaving, brown eyes blinked and focused ahead whilst my fingers clipped the ear bud from her right ear and pulled it out. The sound of ABBA slightly made me smile and noticing that she was playing Subway Surfers also tickled my chest because at the end of the day, Regina could really peel away her sophisticated boss aura and fit into kid mode. The games she had on her phone ranged from, and you wouldn't believe it, Dress Up games to Cake Mania.

"Can't beat my high score yet?" I mused, and purposely slid my finger across the screen to make the running avatar crash into a train.

"Do that one more time and I'll bite your finger," she snapped, pulling the phone away and scowling.

"Where else do you wanna bite me?" pressing my lips to her right ear, I felt her tremble. "Hmm? Tell me where else."

"Emma, I'm not in the mood for your games."

"But you'd rather play...that?" I was referring to Subway Surfers.

"Just leave me alone. Watch your movie," and turning away from me, she curled up and pressed the bud inside her ear once more.

Eyes stinging, I pushed myself up and bent over her, blonde hair falling downwards and resting on dark tendrils. When no attention was given to me, I bit my lips and decided to crumble right onto the carpet. Then hugging my knees, the movie was focused on but I couldn't watch it any longer than ten minutes. Rising from the ground, I left her purposely and dragged my feet into the kitchen to paw through the fridge.

After finding a bag of chocolates, I decided that as soon as she noticed my absence, she'd come looking for me. So slipping my feet into a pair of mom's brown snow boots, I zipped them up and headed outside. Dad was just lifting the latch on the gate when I was admiring the snow upon the grass and he waved.

"Father Montrose says to tell you he's quite pleased about your visit to the orphanage yesterday," dad came to rest a hand upon my back, smiling. The wind ruffled his brown hair and we both stared out to the water's edge, waves obviously cold enough to freeze someone lapping upon the jagged rocks. "Seems like nothing is every complete until we have you here, home with us."

I felt a tickle in my chest and inhaled deeply because it was great. "Being back home always cheers me up."

"Not as much as it cheers your mother and myself up," he said softly. "You know, oftentimes I just find myself wondering where you are and what you're doing. How are you doing on your own? If you're safe and happy. And then I remember that you're not alone. And you have...her, there….with you." We locked eyes.

"Yeah," trying to look away just to hide the tears in my eyes, I realized that nothing else in this world mattered more than her.

They could be my parents. They were obviously here in my heart and would never be a disappointment because I had always been loved by them. But when my feelings led back to her, I just couldn't ever place a moment in time when someone made me feel that way. When I could just be with that person and let myself drown in their presence. A lingering gaze that would unfold layers of me that would make any day warmer. And that's what she was to me. She was the one person who could stir my emotions up in a way that troubled my mind and soothed my heart. Because to feel this way, it was insane.

To love someone so much, you literally couldn't be without them, it was unbelievable.

"I always wanted what you and mom have," I confessed, curling into his arm and stepping back into the past when I used to be daddy's little girl. "What I grew up to know. The way you'd look at each other. The way she'd never let you go and even when you'd disagree on something, she always stood silently, gathered herself together and spoke to you in a calmer voice. That's what I wanted to find."

Dad's aftershave was Old Spice. It was something that never, ever changed about him.

"I wanted to find this one person who would love me back without a reason."

"Never expect the world from someone though, sweetheart," he said to me, his words lingering in my mind. "Never expect her to complete you all the time because not all of us are perfect and for that very reason, disagreements will always be around every corner. And the only way to cope with those disagreements when they show up, is to breathe and focus on the fact that there was a time when you wanted this person more than anything in the world. And always ask yourself, why are we even fighting? Why are we wasting energy on a quarrel when you spent so much time together already?"

We remained silent for a while and the wind played with my hair. Strands tickled my face.

"Right now, she's pissed at me," I said, never elaborating. "She's angry because I got emotional and hated something she said."

"Just take it easy," he assured me, and mom's laughter came from the back of the house. "She'll come around again. Why don't you go take a walk along the water's edge like old times? You and I both know that the wind has a funny way of clearing your mind. Go on."

He released me from his arms and I took a few steps forward then turned back. Hands in my pocket, I was looked at with a smile and ushering me to move on, that's when the remaining steps were taken. Past mom and her friends, I waved and then towards the small green, iron gate that opened up a red clay brick pathway.

Dad was right. The walk did me well. I walked a good way along the sand and felt the wind rake its cold fingers through my blonde hair. I felt as if any worry inside of me was slowly blown away, and replaced by this refreshed feeling. A sense of being released.

I found myself sitting on a large rock and could have sworn that the same rock had been there for as long as my mind could roll back. There I remained for a very long time, feet folded under me, caked with snow that seeped through my pants. My emerald eyes were probably glowing from gazing out into the lapping water before me after a while. It's how my soul felt. Alive and on fire from connecting with nature like that. Knowing that I could lose my best friend so many years ago, I could build a life in New York, I could study and pour over books, I could meet someone and have our bumpy moments. And yet…

And yet the waves kept coming in, the sand remained here, the wind chased moments away, the snow came and went.

Nature was definite in some ways, humans were indefinite in every possible way especially when it came to affairs of the heart. We could hurt the people we loved the most, we could say all these bad things that would bring forth tears, and at the end of the day, we still could love them no matter what.

"I wonder if we'll find a message in a bottle today."

From the moment I heard that voice, my pores were lifted and eyes widening, I stared ahead without moving.

"They often say that if you're lucky to find one. And you open it. And you find a message..." the figure came around the rock to my right. "You should read it. You should fold it back. Put the message back inside the bottle and let it go again."

She was wearing the same outfit I had last seen her in. A pair of blue denim jeans and a blue jersey with the logo PEACE in bold white letters. Hugging herself, dark hair flapped around in the wind, cut just below her ears and she came around to stand next to me.

Somehow, even after seeing her ghost, after so many years, my heart still could beat at a slow pace. My mind wasn't sparked by fright or I wasn't astonished to note her appearance because to me, it was something that didn't affect me. At some point, I had wanted closure. I had wanted something that other people never wanted. And after all these years, after burying her memories inside of my mind, the ghost had come out again.

"This was our rock, Em," she tilted her face and kept smiling at me but I didn't return one. "This was the place we came to empty our stress away. Remember?"

I said nothing.

I felt numb but not nervous or afraid.

"I know you're mad at me, Em," she said in that small voice that people used to make fun of. They often called her 'Squeaky' or 'Mousey' because of it. "i know you're mad and I know it's my fault."

"Then why are you here?" my throat was so scratchy, the voice that came out didn't belong to me.

Brown eyes widened and we stared at each other. She blinked and then glanced out at the water again, hugging herself. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry."

"Well it's too late."

"It's not," Lizzie said, as if it was as simple as that. "It's not late. I wanted you to know why I did what I did, Em."

Staring down at my folded feet, blonde hair danced about.

"I said those things to you because...I was...sick and I was demented. The meds they had me on were brutal. It messed with my head. And I couldn't stand the pain."

"So you decided to turn the tables on me and make me feel as if it was my fault," I said bitterly, staring at her now. "As if I was the reason you were sick. And I was the lucky one to not have cancer. When I wanted to know why God could take my best friend away from me. I wanted to know why it had to be you."

"Em -"

"And you didn't care about my feelings," I said, hot tears scalding my eyes. "You didn't care about me at all. I was told to leave and to live my life as if what we had meant nothing."

"You meant the world to me," she said, her voice so far away, I had to strain my ears to hear. "You meant so much, I hated you for making me feel that way. I hated myself too and that day when you walked out of the hospital, I wanted to call you back. But it was too late."

"Damn right it was," I said stiffly.

"I wanted to make you hate me, Em," she stared. "I wanted to make you hate me so that getting over me would be easier for you. Because if you lost me, and you still loved me then it would be harder for you."

I was shocked to realize that ghost or not, apparition or not, that made a lot of sense than any other theory I had tried to develop in my mind over the years.

"Look at what you have now, Emma," Lizzie said, gesturing back along the path I had taken to get there. "She's...so beautiful. She's the most amazing angel ever in this entire world. You've found a woman who had been looking for you for so long. And this is what you have now. This is where you are. In more ways than one, you might think that she's similar to me but we're not connected. Life is trying to show you that even when you lose someone, there can be someone else, someone completely different who makes you feel the same way again and even more."

She made me completely lose myself in that thought.

"And that someone else is Regina. I thought that making you hate me would be easier for you. But ever since you've come back here, and my memories are back all of a sudden, you're just allowing your hatred towards me to affect what you already feel for someone else. She's not me and she doesn't deserve to be a punching bag. She's just trying to be there for you. In more ways than one, Emma, we only have so many chances in life. I had one. You managed to have a second. So don't screw it up."

And when I blinked, just like that, Lizzie was gone.

Where she stood was an empty space and I stared in that spot for so long, wondering if I had hallucinated or if it had really happened. Somehow it was really an amazing experience to have that moment lingering in my mind, forcing me to marvel over it.

That evening when I got back to the house, Regina was talking to mom on the couch in front of the television. Already dressed for the walk, she immediately locked eyes with me and in that moment, I could not look away nor prevent myself from growing weak in the knees. Standing at the door, I was gazed at and the seconds slipped by in silence whilst mom considered us. Nothing else mattered to me. Nothing.

"Where were you?" I was asked by mom, as she broke my concentration and stood up. "We were told by your father that you had decided to take a walk. I looked down the beach and didn't see you anywhere in sight. Did you go…there?" her eyes were huge now, and I immediately got the signal.

"No," I said, having no idea why she'd think I'd go there. The graveyard, that's what was being referred to. She thought that I'd visit Lizzie's grave. Little did she know something rather stranger had occurred. "I was…trying to clear my head."

"From what?" she'd never stop with the questions. That was my mother. "Something wrong?"

Oh Regina, you're so amazing, I thought to myself, looking at her. No matter what, she never would spill anything personal about us to anyone else. Not even Chad. And I was worried that during my absence, she had talked to mom about my behavior earlier.

"I'm ready," dad came downstairs, smiling widely.

I stared at his black armless vest and didn't blink. He also was wearing a pair of black jeans that weren't exactly slack but close fitting enough to make him look incredibly like a stud. Mom was gawking, so it wasn't only me and from the time my eyes noted the way he came sauntering down the staircase, I realized that dad was going through a midlife crisis.

"No," I said firmly, "no, no, no. Turn it off."

He smiled back and blinked. "Turn what off?"

"Dad, it's not working…out."

"David, is that you?" it was mom, and appearing as if she had seen a miracle before her eyes, my father was approached with tentative steps. "Gosh…"

"You like?" he extended his arms and did a twirl on the spot.

My eyes locked with Regina and she was smirking. And I realized that hey, maybe the storm had passed between us. Hopefully. Regardless, I was going to speak to her about what happened earlier and apologize. I was going to make up for what had occurred because it was my fault.

Obviously even my convincing didn't hold firm because mom was practically in love with dad's new look. She slid an arm around his waist and they sauntered out the door, leaving me to lock up. At first I was like, hey, this is ridiculous! This isn't supposed to be accepted, my parents behaving like two teenagers going out in the town. But then I had other issues to deal with when Regina merely walked past me without saying a word. Staring after her, I pushed the key inside the lock and my heart sank.

For the first fifteen minutes during the walk as the night washed over Storybrooke and the cold was bitter, snow crunching under our boots, not a word was said to me directly. But every once and a while when mom would turn back to direct a line at her, she'd reply with a smile. Which pretty much left me hugging myself and awkwardly walking beside someone who was obviously still angered at me.

Our shoulders brushed and she didn't move away but allowed it. The warmth between us was felt, so comforting that I had to move in again. I had to touch her. Even with a red scarf wrapped around my neck, I was freezing, having no idea why my parents wanted us to come out in a weather like that. But after a few moments, the decorations on the houses began to spark my attention.

"Wow, that's..." I stared at an elaborately decorated crib inside a yard and tried to remember who resided there.

"Granny really outdid herself," mom piped up, keeping her arm firmly around dad. "What a lovely old soul. She's so, so dedicated. Every single year, taking her time on that Nativity Scene."

"Granny is Ruby's grandmother," I relayed to Regina.

She considered me with slight confusion and then nodded.

"I forgot to tell you since yesterday when we were at the orphanage." Feeling my legs go slightly numb, I tried to flex my toes inside the two layered socks I had on. "She always makes the snacks for the kids every year. And...she bakes the best cake around town." Regina's shoulders were hunched as she walked beside me, hands buried deep within the pockets of that very sexy furry black coat that reached her knees. "She also owns the Diner. And the Bed and Breakfast."

Brown eyes considered me in mild astonishment. "Ruby's grandmother?"

"Yup," I nodded and inhaled, feeling how the wind was sharp. "Been a businesswoman for as long as I've known her."

"And why has Ruby abandoned her grandmother to live out in New York?" her voice was very rusty, possibly affected by the weather. "Shouldn't she be more concerned about affairs at home, in a manner of speaking?"

"Dunno," I shrugged. "See, the thing is, I had no idea she was from here until we started talking about where I was from a couple months ago. And then I remembered that this chick with red highlights in hair lived here. The face was familiar. We connected."

"Oh, okay."

"Hey," I nudged her left shoulder as dad and mom walked ahead. Most times I'd begin the conversation with that one word. But somehow it felt wrong in that moment and she really didn't even pay any attention to me. "I guess I was really out of line earlier. And..." I shrugged, "I'm sorry. You know how it is when that topic comes up. It's not something I like."

"Yes, but you had no right to blow up on me like that," she said, the heels of her knee high black boots clicking upon the sidewalk. "It was out of order."

"I know."

"It was something of...importance to me," head lowered, the wind lightly lifted dark strands. "It is something of importance to me, Emma and I felt the need to speak to you about it. Because you're the only one at this point that I can turn to. When something troubles me, you're the one I wish to tell. Basically, I was...shut down and felt really...misunderstood."

We stopped at this mansion to admire the snow men outside, three of them dressed in suits, their eyes twinkling. And I couldn't even look at the scene for longer than three seconds. There was only her. She was all that mattered in that moment and my heart ached.

"I'm sorry."

Regina's chest heaved, eyes glowing from the lights on the roof of the house, face upturned.

Slowly, I reached out for her hand, our gloved fingers brushed. Moving into her, my heart fluttered because I was afraid of being rejected. But without even allowing me the chance to make the first move, she entwined our fingers and sighed. Standing there, it dawned upon me that every single time, the joke was on my side. I was always the one who magnified everything and made a big deal about it.

"Menopause is a big deal for me, Emma," she kept her voice lowered when we continued walking down the sidewalk and my parents crossed the street. "It is a big deal for me, simply because my body is...changing, in more ways than one. And when realization kicked in this morning, I felt like a beat up, old car. Not that I feared your reaction. But...there are times when I just..."

Wrapping my arm around her waist, she was pulled close, resting her head onto my right shoulder. "When you just what?"

"When I just feel old."

"Soon you wouldn't be getting those awful periods. I'd say that that calls for a kind of celebration."

We neared the Diner and my parents went to sit at a table, resting their legs.

"Emma, you're taking this too lightly and I don't suppose that it's purposeful but it is not something to brush under the mat."

"I'm not brushing it under the mat," I said, studying her face. Leaning against the red painted fence, we remained there instead of approaching mom and dad because the conversation was delicate and private. "I'm just trying to find the light in every situation."

"Half my life is over," she stated, gesturing with her hands. "Yours has just begun."

"When are you going to just stop that?" I stared at her, gripping the fence behind me, boots crossed at the ankles. "When are you going to forget about that and live the rest of your life, whatever you have left...with me? Without worrying about how long we have left? Without placing all your worry on halfway and the beginning?"

Regina couldn't take her eyes off of me, and I was gazed at intently.

"I don't care what the hell happens between now and ten years from now. All I want, is to spend as much time as possible with you. I don't give a shit about death right now."

"Because you've experienced it already? Losing someone?" her tone was slightly unsteady. "Because she simply pushed you away and your coping strategy is to place all your bets on a future with me, hoping that the same thing wouldn't happen?"

I stared back and couldn't decipher her words. To me, it appeared as if she was harsh. Because my heart was always the first organ to respond to her words and right there and then, I felt a squeeze and a slice of pain.

"What does that mean?" It had to be asked, because we had a misunderstanding before and I didn't want another one. I wanted her to tell me up front, what this was about.

"It means that I'm your second chance, Emma. She was there first, in your heart," tears clouded her brown eyes. "Wasn't she?"

Inhaling deeply, the wind stung my cheeks and I blinked, directing my eyes somewhere else. What the hell was this? What was she doing? I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to have that conversation.

"Lizzie," she continued, pressing my mind with burning fingers, "you were in love with her, weren't you?"

"What does this have to do with menopause?" I croaked, refusing to lock eyes with her.

"I'm trying to find the source of your pent up emotions today."

"Regina, that makes no sense," I pointed out, lifting a hand and feeling my throat ache. "You're making no sense right now. Where's the connection? Because I don't see one."

"Sweetheart, you can't conceal your hurt from me," she moved closer, lips parted, gazing at me with all this concern in her eyes. "I have told you…constantly...that I can see past your walls and I know that all the efforts you've made to...bury her…she's still affecting your life."

I said nothing. Staring at the ground, lightly covered in snow, I didn't reply.

"Ever since she died, you've forced yourself to shut out everyone when it comes to love. And I so happened to come along, lucky as I may be to be given a chance. But then...oftentimes when I think about it, especially after becoming aware of your past, it makes complete sense. You're afraid of losing me. Today when I brought up menopause, your mind automatically held up a wall to shut out the thought of anything else but a forever between us."

"That makes no sense," I said stiffly.

"Yes, it does and you know that it's true. Lizzie failed you, so no matter the cost, you're prepared to place all your bets on me."

"And something's wrong with that?" I croaked, frowning at her. "Is something wrong with me wanting that? What are you doing, exactly?"

"I'm trying to show you that no matter how you twist and turn this, no matter how hard you've tried to...move on, she's there."

"Give me a break," I suddenly grew angry and folded my arms. "You have no idea what it was like."

Staring at me, she said nothing.

"If you wanted me to talk about Lizzie, then fine. But don't link age to this. I'll admit that yeah, you're my second chance and losing her has made me hold onto you more. But anything else, no."

"You've never given me the privilege of getting to know that part of your life," she said and her voice trembled, "forgive me but obviously that depicts your lack of trust in me."

"Only my parents know about her, okay?" I blinked through tears, hot ones, "no one else knows, not even the guys. I don't tell people about her because I don't want to. I don't want to even remember her."

"I deserved the right to know."

"Well you figured it out anyway," I pointed out. "I let you in, didn't I?"

"We've been together for over five months, and not once was I told anything about her. Seems to me that if I didn't walk in on you rummaging through that chest, then I wouldn't have been told."

"What do you want me to do, Regina?" I said, my throat aching even more. "I'm supposed to have a demon. I bet you do as well. All I needed was time to get this out and to tell you everything. Have you told me everything about you? No."

Her chest heaved.

"I don't even know if Daniel was your first love because you've never said it to me but it seems like he was. I don't even know who your first female crush was. If Kay never told me that you used to be anything but girly back when she was a kid, I wouldn't have known. And I never asked you about Sean. Never. I gave you room, enough room to bury that part of your life, on your own because it's like scratching a wound that already healed up. If you really want to know the reason why I buried her, then look within yourself for that one thing you never told me about, the part that hurts you so much. And believe me when I say that I never ever want to hide anything from you but this part of my life really affected me to a point where I ran away from here to live in New York. I come back home," I gestured around me, tears blinding my eyes.

"And all I see is everywhere she and I used to go. New York is my escape. You're not my escape, Regina. You're just the only one who immediately healed my broken heart and without a doubt, I don't even want tell you about her because when there's you in my life, she doesn't matter to me."

"I hate when you talk about age, because you're honestly so beautiful, sometimes I can't believe you're way ahead of me in life. The second you bring that topic up, it affects me because it's like you're trying to say to me that I'm too young for you and I'm not mature enough to understand what you're going through. Menopause, I don't know what it's like but I've read about it. And like I said before, I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to make you feel anything but old or like a beat up car. I'd do...anything...for you. Not because I lost her. But because I'm in love with you."

Tears leaked down her cheeks and she couldn't breathe. I saw how the struggle affected her. Lips parted, I was gazed at and approached slowly.

"It's as simple as that," I whispered, "I'm...in love...with you."

There it was.

The gloved hands resting upon my shoulders and her face, so pretty to even describe moved in. Her warm breath kissed my face, made me burn up within that cold town and I couldn't hold back. Brushing our lips together, hers quivered and we tasted each other boldly in front of my parents who probably sat there gawking. I captured her bottom lip between mine and savored the connection, drowned in the way her chest heaved uncontrollably.

When we kissed fully, it was like experiencing a sunny day in the middle of winter. Regina thawed the snow's effect on my body and allowed me to feel how intense her emotions were running through. Like a river that kept on bubbling, flowing into my soul and awakening me in every possible way.

"You don't have to tell me about her," she whispered into my parted lips, our eyes still closed. "If it hurts you, then by all means, refrain from revisiting that time in your life. But just answer two questions for me and I will never speak of her again."

"Go ahead," I rested our foreheads together, our fingers entwined.

"Were you..." her chest heaved, "...in love with her?"

"I didn't know what this kind of love meant or that it was possible," I said truthfully. "Possibly I was. Because we constantly talked about being together...forever."

"And am I...enough?"

"Of course you are," I frowned and parted our foreheads, gazing into her eyes. "More than enough."

"I just had to ask," she said, the flutter of her eyelashes making me admire how cute she was in that moment. "And no. To both questions that trouble you."

"What questions?" I tucked dark strands of hair behind her ears whilst she played with my blonde mess, tumbling over my shoulders.

"I wasn't in love with Daniel. He was like a brother to me. And the only woman I have ever had intimate feelings for is Julie Andrews. There is no other woman. She's your only competition."

I was impressed. Smiling, her shoulders were taken and I stared back with a smile. "How fascinating. Mary Poppins is my competition?"

"Don't flatter yourself, Emma," her brown eyes were intense, "You simply cannot use an umbrella to fly. Plus in The Sound of Music, she stole my heart away with her boyish look."

"Oh come on," I whined, "how can I measure up to that woman?"

"You can't. You must accept that she captured my heart since I was younger and so did Nancy Drew." Her face was scrunched up. "Well Nancy was more of a role model, hence the way my hair is constantly styled short. But George."

"George Fayne? What is it with you and short hair babes?"

"Perhaps if you captured your hair up into a beanie," she did that, reaching behind me to take all my blonde hair into her hands. "And you tucked it up, just there." Her eyes admired the effect, the change that I couldn't see for myself. "Then you'd make me -"

"You're a work of art," I said, shaking my head.

"I were merely pulling your leg, my love," she held my face between her hands, "there is no one, that compares to you. No one. You're my 'One and Only' that Adele sang about."

My cheeks probably turned crimson right there and then.

Oh yeah, I knew that song and I got the message loud and clear.


	19. Then There's Crissy And Her Birthday

**Excerpt:**

**_Thank you, Ted," his upturned face was radiant from an expression that signaled pure affection._ **

" ** _No problem, sir. If there is anything else, please let me know." The waiter gave me a good sideways view and I couldn't help but check out his behind. I mean, it was a slight injustice to me because I didn't have that much. The dude was fully loaded and it was unfair._**

" ** _I'd throw my pie for you, Ted," Chad licked his lips._**

**_His expression suddenly changed when Regina obviously kicked him under the table._ **

" ** _That is...noted," Ted smiled back, wringing his hands. "Do enjoy your meal."_**

**_Whilst I watched him go, Chad glared at his mother as she unrolled the cutlery from her red napkin. "How many times have I told you not to kick me with your killer heels?" he hissed. "Those things are like weapons. Geez!"_ **

* * *

That evening when we finally got home, mom kept sending me these weird looks. She kept asking if I'm alright and what did I do, mostly because of the earlier occurrence between Regina and myself at the Diner. After we had basically been gazing at each other intently, of course we'd give out a vibe. But it was safe to say that everything had returned to normal in the department of love and understanding.

Well, except for the fact that dad seemed to be aiming for a younger kind of feeling in that department, in relation to mom.

The second they both stepped into the house, she practically giggled like a twelve year old and they began to chase each other around the living room. Right in front of me. I stood there gawking at their childish behavior and felt Regina shake from laughing next to me. She was thoroughly enjoying all the immature antics. But how the hell was I supposed to cope with two people who obviously had no time and place for their display of playfulness?

It was already dark outside, a little after six thirty and I sat snugly upon the green, fuzzy carpet, feet folded under me. Based on my opinion, sitting on the floor was the most comfortable feeling of all. Even lying upon the carpet, I'd find that falling asleep would be achieved faster than on a bed. But that was just my opinion. That was my view and I was thrilled to find that Regina copied my move, neatly folding her legs and cozying up next to me.

"Okay, so you go first," mom beamed, pulling out a box, wrapped in red shiny gift paper from under the tree and holding it out in dad's direction. Sucking on a slice of Kit Kat, she proceeded to adjust her position upon the two cushioned green chair.

My father took the gift and held it up, this way and that, trying to dramatically wonder what was inside. To my surprise, within the cardboard box was a pair of real classy looking headphones, blue and fantastically designed to make him appear like a really cool dude. If it was one thing about my father, it was his constant enthusiasm in anything pertaining to electronics. The digital age. And as soon as he plugged the damn thing into his fancy Samsung Galaxy S3 mini, of course the unfolding scene around him was muted.

His voice raised an octave or two in the process.

I had gotten him a fancy brown watch that his eyes shone from beholding. It was an investment and to be honest, dad never was the flashy type to ask for gifts and stuff, so it had been decided by me to save up and buy him something classy. Plus Regina pitched in (she didn't have to, but insisted). And he adored the thing, sniffing it all the time with this look in his eyes that signaled a deep satisfaction or something. Even mom couldn't touch his gifts.

Scowling, she began to open her two presents and squealed after discovering that I had bought a book containing quotes from religious figures like Mother Teresa and Joyce Meyer. Actually, Neal had helped me find that copy, because of course, if there was anyone who could find a good deal on anything, it was Mister Cassidy himself. Not that Will or Killian couldn't do the trick. But they were more into craft and getting good deals on luxurious items.

"And of course, the pair of expensive shades must be from Regina," she said, eyes pinched from a smile.

Not any kind of shades, I thought to myself after remembering the debate we had on getting that gift for mom. A pair of Ray Ban shades that she bought from this fancy boutique, without telling me about it. All I knew was that the pair of shades were added to the gift whilst I was wrapping it. Just like that. No suggestions asked by me, nothing.

"Yes. I hope they're your kind of style."

I watched dad bobbing his head, completely blocking out all of us.

"Regina, anything from you is wonderful, just…wonderful," mom was breathless. For emphasis, she pushed the shades on and immediately looked like a bug, I swallowed my snort.

"David, how do I look?" she batted him and my father stared for a few seconds then gave a thumbs up sign, still engrossed in his new headphones.

I was urged to open my gift from mom and dad next, wrapped yellow in a flat, rectangular box. The excitement alone during the process was enough to drain me. So by the time the two, long sleeved, silk shirts, one red and the other green were taken out, I was at a loss for words. Honestly, witnessing the actual feel of the garments was something to behold. It was like holding onto something made from the clouds up above, something angelic and totally out of this world. The fabric was so cool to the touch, I rubbed it against my right cheek and inhaled deeply.

"I figured you'd like green!" dad practically yelled and I shushed him, wishing he'd take off the headphones. Geez.

"Thanks," I gleefully said to mom because she could hear me and the other dude who was rocking to the sounds from his phone could not.

"And up next," mom bounced in her seat upon the chair, "is no other than the VIP for the holidays. The one and only…"

"Don't make me blush," Regina smiled back warmly. "Oh no," she shook her head after noticing the small gift wrapped box mom was holding out. "Please don't tell me that you went out of your way to purchase a gift for me."

"I didn't go out of my way," mom beamed, handing over the present. "It was something I saw and immediately believed that you'd love. Don't worry," she waved a hand, chasing off a thought, "it's nothing sexual. I know you two are already covered in that area."

"One more word about sex," I said through gritted teeth, "and you'll be placed on time out. I'm serious."

She sat back and folded her arms, awaiting the unwrapping.

It was an expensive looking dark red pen set that made Regina caress it with a lover's touch. Prying one of the three pens from the black casing, it was taken up and the top turned to release the point. And somehow, there was this gold R engraved on the side.

"Oh Snow," she whispered. "This is so beautiful. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you so much."

"You're welcome," mom said softly, our eyes locking.

I watched my babe gaze at her gift in silence and allowed the seconds to tick by. She was really in love with the pens. It was such a unique gift, that I immediately knew as soon as she returned to New York, the box would be placed neatly upon her desk. Or if she was really intrigued by such a thing, then her gift would be kept at home, away from the prying hands of strangers who frequented her office.

Well obviously my gift to her came last but not least favored. It was wrapped in shiny red paper and attached to the top was a yellow bow, to which of course she'd assign the link to me. My favorite color.

Unwrapping the thing was a slow process for her because three pairs of eyes were focused in that direction. Dad had suddenly fixated his attention on the scene and mom was holding her breath. Because I had shown the gift to her in top secrecy over WhatsApp a month ago. I had hidden it in Neal's apartment and was constantly contemplating on whether she'd love it or not.

From the moment the red box peeked out through the torn paper, Regina gasped. I couldn't believe it. The look in those brown eyes suggested that she was immediately aware of the box's contents. And carefully pulling it out, I watched her chest heave.

It was like gazing at a child. The way amazement sparked upon that pretty face, coupled with a sense of enthusiasm that rarely I managed to capture from her.

I guess this is where I have to honestly tell you that it was highly possible that I broke the well containing her feels. Because she remained speechless whilst tears clouded her eyes and I found myself tearing up too. I literally sat there and felt my chest grow so raw inside whilst her trembling fingers pried open the top of the box, lips parted.

It was a Talking Crissy Doll.

Now for most of you, probably you've never heard of this particular doll but for Regina, at some point in her life, the very existence of the creation from the Ideal Toy Company many years ago really meant something. It was something huge for her. Really huge. And when Cora never ever wanted to buy a fancy doll for her daughter, spoiling Zelena with everything else, she had deprived a little girl of her heart's desire.

"I remember you told me about her," I said, noticing how my voice was hoarser. "And then I asked Chad and he told me how you always wanted one when you were a kid."

Eyelashes fluttering, she gracefully reached up to wipe her wet cheeks.

"And I figured that I had to get you one. Because as mom always used to say, you should never deprive a child of his or her dream."

"Thank you," she said to me, in a very husky gazed at each other. "Emma, thank you so much."

If there was one thing about us, more than enough could be transmitted through the meeting of our eyes. And what I saw was so incredible, it was emotion in its rawest state, a flash of something that made my insides tickle. Because whilst she could compose herself somewhat in front of my parents, later on, I was definitely sure that the rest of her heart would pour out.

"Emma's always trying to find rare gifts to give people she care about," mom explained, her expression softening from admiring Regina's reaction. "She tries to get something that will leave a lasting impression."

"Trust me, this..." Regina lifted the box and kept the doll inside for the moment, "...this will indeed leave a permanent memory embedded in my heart. I will never forget this."

Biting my lips, I blinked through tears and wondered if she had noticed that the doll was a brunette like herself and also fitted into a very sexy red dress with black, leather pants. The knee high boots Killian had found after going on a scavenger hunt with Chad.

When we left mom and dad watching television inside, the outside patio was sought out. It was still cold, but bundled up with scarves around our necks, she selected a seat upon one of the soft chairs outside and I snuggled up next to her. We had one of my Hello Kitty wool blankets with us so the winter couldn't affect our bonding that begun on a very emotional road.

"Emma, how can you do this to me?" she croaked, our shoulders pressed together, fingers entwined under the blanket, eyes locked.

"How could I what?" I tried to play dumb a bit although it was perfectly clear to me what she was referring to. But the need to hear that particular part said out loud, that would mean so much at that point.

"The doll," she whispered, clutching the box still in her left hand, fingers wrapped around it protectively. "This is...amazing. I really...am...speechless."

"You don't have to say anything. I can read your mind."

The street before us was empty because it was after eleven in the night.

"I just..wish not to...open it," her chest heaved as she gazed at the box. "Because contained in there, at some point in my life, it was all I ever wanted."

"And you obviously still want the very same thing, up to this day," I pointed out. Reaching over our laps, the opened flap was tapped. "Go ahead and take it out. I know you want to."

To see a grown woman, a bad ass V.P who rode a freaking motorbike like a pro, and the babe of my dreams take a deep breath before opening the box that contained a doll, it was an overload of cuteness. Dark hair falling into her face, I held the strands back and watched those parted red painted lips. Sliding her fingers into the case, the actual gift was pulled out slowly.

By the time she had actually demonstrated the beauty of the creation to me, I was already longing to kiss her. Because if you could have seen how softened she appeared in the soft glow of the patio lights. Flushed cheeks and shoulders hunched, my arm wrapped around her. Feeling how she was radiating with warmth. My one source of warmth, regardless of the winter.

I was so intrigued, so fascinated by how her mind was probably working right then. So that when the knob was turned at the back of the doll's head, allowing the dark hair to wound out and reach a fuller length, my interest was piqued.

"When I was younger, I always wanted to chop my hair off," she said to me, caressing the soft locks that had grown out, and would have appeared like magic to any child. "But mother never agreed. So in a way, the advertisements on Crissy made me marvel over the ability to change her hairstyle whenever the need arose. Plus her flawless skin."

"Something you already have," I said, realizing that the hair must be kept inside the doll's body. It was genius. "Do you like the leather pants?"

"Yes."

"And the shiny leather boots?"

Nodding, she frowned. "I cannot recall ever seeing such a fashionable pair of footwear on Crissy though."

"That's because it didn't come with the doll," I confessed, running a finger over the fancy boots. "Someone searched high and low for that particular accessory and he didn't regret it."

"Who?" brown eyes obscured my vision. She was so close, I could count her eyelashes.

"Killian. And he dragged Chad along too."

"Killian bought the boots?" she stared at them, lips parted. "I'm impressed."

"Actually he owns several pairs of boots close to that style. With lacing though. Neal says that it's totally gay..."

"Well I must tell him thank you for doing such a thing for me. To add to the marvelous gift."

"I'll do that." And taking her fingers into mine, I squeezed each one gently because it was something that really turned her on. "Look, I"m really sorry about how I behaved today. You were right. I had a certain someone on my mind."

"Troubled by a ghost..." she exhaled and tilted her head to rest upon my left shoulder, gently raking fingers through the doll's dark hair. Her eyes were cast outside and onto the road. There wasn't much to see but I knew that thoughts raced through that mind of hers. As always.

"As Melinda would say in Ghost Whisperer, the spirit has crossed over today."

We both had been frequent watchers of the particular show and when that mutual interest was realized, it thrilled us. Renting the DVDS, the last season had finally been viewed, by us, completing the entire thing during the course of two Sundays.

"I was always jealous of Mally and her Crissy doll," she changed the topic, drifting back to a kinked part in her life that really had an impact. Brown eyes distant, she tucked her knees up. "I simply used to drive myself into raptures upon her visits, just to see the doll. This...beautiful doll she had that reminded her of me. I really adored her visits. And oftentimes, mother would become filled with rage from us sitting in one position, she would send me off to do chores."

I had a few choice words to call Cora but never really felt comfortable using them in front of Regina because after all, the bitch was her mother. Who had given birth to her. And if it wasn't for Cora then I wouldn't have the love of my life sitting beside me. Call it in-laws problems, but that's how things happen. You can't always voice your opinions freely due to that particular part in your brain that holds you back.

"She smells so...wonderful," Crissy was sniffed, and Regina inhaled deeply, eyes fluttering close. "Mmmm."

"But I smell wonderful too," I pouted. "That's just the smell of new clothes and plastic."

"I remember when I got Chad his first doll." Gently tugging the sleeve of the red dress into place, we both fixated our eyes on the move. "Robin wouldn't have any of it."

"Ass." I could insult him because he was a piece of shit.

"Kay got upset after a while when her brother wished to play with her dolls. He always had this...talent..." she shifted position and turned to face me, smiling. "Using just a needle and a roll of thread to sew these garments for her dolls and the original clothes were thrown aside. So naturally, she grew frustrated and complained. Then...I realized that it was time to get him his own doll. At the age of ten."

"Ten?" I stared back. "Wow. By then, I had moved from playing with plastic tools and trucks to building things like a dog house."

"He became his own fashion designer. Sewing dresses and fancy overthrows for his little brunette doll. He called her Maxine."

"So why is he doing law and not paying any interest in putting his talent to use?" I frowned.

"Simply put, Chad would rather clean the sewer system every single day as a job than work in his grandmother's company."

"But he could be a designer..."

"He doesn't have the patience. Of sitting in one attitude and putting together a piece. As the years went by, Chad has become very impatient like me. We want things to be done in a haste. Immediately. He would rather binge watch Project Runway than sit at a sewing machine and fit together an outfit."

"Ah," I understood.

"He's also very indecisive. He gets that from his father. They cannot sign up for something and stick to that one path. Several paths are chosen. To which Robin has damaged Dazzle's reputation with clients. Offering a special deal to one person and then doing the same to another. Making promises and then changing his mind."

"How in the world did you ever..." I stared at her and then allowed my words to die away because maybe it was a sensitive subject.

Regina stared back. Her cheeks weren't flushed anymore and I figured that it was the harshness of the cold. "How did I what?"

I sighed. "Maybe we should go inside. It's getting too cold. Besides, it's late anyway."

"How did I what, Emma?"

Sliding off the chair, I hugged myself and gave the yard and road one last look. A white cat streaked across the landscape and disappeared into the vacant land on the other side, containing an abandoned house that had once belonged to an old man that carried the title of GOLD. Having disappeared several years ago, there the structure remained without any occupants, many claiming that the vicinity was haunted.

"Emma."

"See that house over there?" I pointed, memories coming back like an old black and white film. "When I was a kid, we used to dare each other to go inside that place. It's known to be haunted."

Lizzie used to chicken out and run away. I smiled from that memory.

"One foot inside the door and anyone could earn some money. The amount of cash I got in those days. Always the dumb one who pushed herself. And the thing is, the place is just in a mess. Things thrown all over the place, furniture upturned and holes in the walls. I wonder what happened in there. My parents never talk about it. No one does. Not even Sister Margie."

"Emma, what did I do?" she was right by my side, two inches shorter and brown eyes really softened by this look that caught my attention immediately.

"What?" I asked in a low voice, frowning.

"You changed the direction of the conversation. So fast. Did I say something out of line? Is it because I brought up Robin?"

"No," I shook my head and slightly smiled. "Not at all. It has nothing to do with you. Trust me. I just felt that what I had to say shouldn't be said because...well...it might come out weird." Shrugging, my blonde hair tickled my neck and I felt really cold.

"Say it to me," she urged, dark hair tucked behind her ears, eyes blinking slowly, focusing on me intently.

"It's nothing. Forget it," trying a smile, I gestured to the door, "let's go in. I'm kind of sleepy already."

Nothing was said until we were buried under the covers before the fire downstairs and she was wrapped in my arms. Facing each other, it was the most romantic setting ever for me. Right there before the hearth, stockings dangling from the mantle, the lights on the tree blinking slowly, the smell of cake and cookies. All we needed then was for Santa to come bouncing down the chimney but of course, Christmas day had come and gone.

"Emma, say whatever it was...to me," she continued in that husky voice of hers, cupped fingers caressing my right cheek, shadows everywhere. "I promise that whatever it is, I will not take it with a grain of salt."

"Night, night," I yawned and closed my eyes.

It was like a process she had automatically enacted. Raking fingers through my hair, upturning my head and then I felt her teeth close around my jaw. Not like a vampire about to do some damage or a demon about to rip my face off. But the kind of contact that was so sudden, it literally curled my toes.

"Don't eat me," I whispered, eyes flying open when her teeth grazed a pathway lower, down my neck, reaching my right earlobe. "Please, don't eat me."

"Tell me what it is."

"Okay, okay," my breath caught in my throat and I tried to regain control. "Robin, Sean."

"What about them?" she removed her warm mouth from tormenting me and our eyes locked.

I didn't want to say anything about the matter. It was my intention to just drop the entire thing but she was really pushing me and Regina would never back down. That's how she was, constantly bringing up the lost trail of thought until it was remembered again. It's like nothing was ever forgotten by her. Nothing at all. And I clearly could recall Chad saying to me once that Robin often used to grow annoyed by that trait embedded in her. The constant need to have people finish their sentences and thoughts, regardless of the situation.

"Well, it's like this," I chose to divert my eyes from hers, gazing at our fingers entwined, "there was Robin and there was Sean. There were these guys you slept with, and had romances with. And sometimes I just feel as if you're not fully gay. I mean, as far as the label goes. I just think that you're possibly bisexual, you know, caught in the middle. Because in my case. I know that I could never ever sleep with a guy since the thought of going...below there would seriously make me nauseated. Plus, having them flirt with me or come in close, it makes me itchy. In your case though..." she was listening intently and I couldn't detect any harsh feelings. "You've been there, done that and I just wonder..."

"Does it bother you...severely? Or..."

"No, it doesn't bother me at all at this point," I admitted, smiling wryly, "I just wonder about it. Based on who you are. What you like. Because I'd like to at least know if you're attracted to men."

She blinked like four times, remained silent and then this smile spread across her face. "They were my past. You are...absolutely my future. Was I attracted to them? Yes." There was a nod and I gazed at her face intently. "But in all manner of speaking, we must do the trial version first before coming up in the deep end. Realization kicked in that I simply could not go forward wanting a man as much as I desired a woman."

"But was there ever another woman that you knew personally...that you fancied?" I was fishing boldly.

"Yes."

I waited, wondering if she'd tell me who it was. But nothing was said so I threw out a line. "Mally?"

Regina was caught, obviously. I could see it in her eyes, from the moment the name was said. And I instantly knew that a nail had been hit.

Of course I wasn't shocked. In fact, it had dawned upon me for a very long time now, that she had a thing for Mally, her best friend, the only person who happened to have grown up with her and knew all those secrets. Those hurtful secrets.

"You kind of confirmed it tonight when we were talking about Crissy," I admitted, keeping my voice low. "When you said, you really loved when she used to visit. How she had a doll that reminded her of you."

She was holding her breath and I didn't want her to because it wasn't something I would have blown up, making it a big deal. Just as I had Lizzie, she had this very sexy woman who probably was her first serious crush on a girl. Nothing was wrong with that.

"I slept with those men because I was...trying to convince myself that I wasn't the person I thought I was," she completely sidetracked the topic, eyes lowered. "Having these feelings for the same sex. Completely frightful of the thought of acting on those feelings. Knowing that I was neck deep in an obviously arranged marriage, with two kids. I did it for Chad and Kay. I stayed in a miserable marriage, trying to make it work, knowing that I had allowed everything to go too far. Never regretting them coming into my life, of course, but knowing that I had pushed it too far and Robin could never be my future."

I remained silent. It was my turn. Because she had chosen another pathway, and there I was wondering why that had been done. Did she not want us to talk about Mally? Was something wrong? Had something happened between them?

But I allowed it.

I allowed her to choose whichever pathway that was desired.

"Sean, I fell in love with his personality, Emma. He was wild and made me feel a rush. Something I yearned for to smother the inner struggle pertaining to my sexuality. But when it came to the actual...sex, I never enjoyed that moment with a man."

"So you never reached that...limit...with a guy?" I wanted to push her.

Somehow I wasn't feeling limited anymore, and at some point, I realized that nothing was wrong in asking the woman you were sleeping with about those things. It's not like I was referring to a particular man. There was me, just wanting to know what happened inside of her mind and her body.

"I did. But not as completely as my times with you."

"Meaning?" My mind felt dark and dangerous all of a sudden, and somehow I was beginning to feel a rush from the content of the conversation.

"How we...connect," she was obviously losing her breath, voice growing huskier. "It is much deeper than anything else I have ever experienced."

"Fingers compared to the actual thing..."

"Emma, the actual thing disgusts me," she scrunched up her face appearing so cute.

"But you obviously rode it." Oh geez, what was wrong with me? I was beginning to feel so hot inside my pajamas.

Brown eyes widened. "Well aren't you in a sexual mood, my blonde unicorn."

"What's so special about my fingers?"

She licked her lips before answering. "It's not just your fingers."

"Then..."

"It is how you taste," she croaked, fingers curling behind me, our chests pressed together. "Everywhere. If you wish for me to elaborate then believe me, I will not hold back because my inner drive to paint the exact scene for you is quite enticing."

"Paint it then."

The soft glow of the fire caressed her face and I did the same with cupped fingers.

"Emma, you have this way of luring me in just from a touch," she said softly, our lips inches apart, warm breath kissing my face. "Or a look. And then when that happens, my body automatically wants so much more from you. So just imagine what happens to me when we're at work, and our eyes lock. This has never happened to me before. I've never become so...turned on...by anyone else as I have been feeling with you. For you to ask me about my experiences with men, it is quite laughable. Because to me, they cannot compare to the way you make me feel, Emma."

"And how do you feel now?" my voice was hoarse.

"I feel...as if...I want you to take care of that oh so aching feeling...between my...legs," she was fighting to breathe.

"Place your order."

Brown eyes widened. "Slow then...rough." Regina moved in closer, "Emma, should we risk this? In the open where your parents could simply...walk in?"

Losing control of myself, I allowed my right hand to find the top of her black slacks. There was no time wasted in sliding my fingers in, gaining entry and yearning to feel so much more. And when I felt how awakened she was, clearly adding substance to her words, immediately that made me so dizzy, there was no going back.

"Depends on how much you want me to...take care of business," I said.

"I'm yours," she said hoarsely, brushing our lips together. "As vampires would say, in a manner of speaking," her breath hitched in her throat. I could see the struggle whilst my fingers slipped in between her legs. "You've claimed me."

She was on fire already. So wet, allowing me to drive my finger into her with ease, those brown eyes became dazed. The thick yellow blanket was enough to cover what was happening between us in case mom came downstairs for a glass of water. But there I was thinking, whatever the hell happened, I didn't care. I was so lost in the moment of feeling the way her body responded to every thrust, lips parted, our foreheads resting together, nothing else mattered.

When my move was copied, and her fingers began to caress between my aching legs, I moaned. She made me reach a climax so fast, it took my breath away because her slow movements were enough to unhinge me so fast, the thoughts racing through my head weren't helping either.

"Do you know, what I like the most about making love to you?" I asked, still trying to control my breathing, nuzzling our cheeks together.

"What?" eyes closed, her hips moved to match the thrusting of my fingers buried deep inside.

"The way you would look at me as if the world is about to end and..." my fingers twisted inside of her, feeling how she was so tight, our lips brushed, "there's nothing else you want than to be in this moment, with me."

"I want you to use your...tongue...on me." Her eyelashes tickled my nose and I immediately fulfilled her wishes.

Slipping under the blanket, how she adjusted her position was felt, legs parting by reflex. The way her fingers drove pathways through my hair and pushed me down, so that when I was snugly in place, the top of her trousers was tugged lower.

I kissed a trail from her stomach, back arching from every contact of my lips until the teasing begun. Because giving her exactly what was desired from the beginning wasn't the best way to pleasure a woman like Regina. She always wanted a challenge. Foreplay and to be driven to a point where her mind was twisted to madness, craving for me to do so much more.

Knowing exactly where to use my tongue had become something of skill to me, since I knew her so well already. How she reacted and where her soft spots were. The minute that consisted of me sucking on her inner thighs, I believe it was enough to unfold her first orgasm. I felt it. A deep one that made her tremble beneath me, head thrown back and toes pointed,

Mewling, twisting whilst the light from the fire danced around her face, she gingerly moved to the lick of my tongue on every inch of skin except the part that deeply craved for my intrusion. So wet, and so beautiful, it wasn't a moment to rush. It was one to savor and watch whilst she squirmed under me.

Then taking a hold of her upper thighs, I parted them and began to suck her right where she wanted to be ravished. A process that made her twitch and muffle her moans by biting a clenched fist.

She came for the second time and gasped within the silence, inhaling deeply through parted lips, eyes latched to the ceiling.

When my tongue did enter her, Regina's chest heaved uncontrollably, pointed toes digging into my lower back. I felt how raw her desire was, how it burned everywhere up and possibly tormented a mind that was trying to gain composure. Failing miserably, she came hard and I tasted every wave of orgasm inside my mouth, feeling myself let go as well. Just from the way she twisted under me.

"Don't stop," I was urged by her husky voice, the sharp intake of her breath filling the air. "Please…don't stop."

Wanting me to completely ravish her until the breaking point was reached. A point where her body would become so numb, so weak.

That's what I managed to enact. A moment that consisted of me constantly tormenting her by using circular motions with my tongue. Just where she couldn't compose herself anymore. A sweat soaked body contorting from the ravishing of my teeth, the feel of my lips. Over and over again. Brushing my mouth upon her and listening to those throaty moans.

Tasting and thrusting into her, using not one but two fingers, twisting and feeling how she was reveling in that spot, drowning in ecstasy. Her ripples of orgasm became deeper and harder, spaced out. Completely leaving her breathless, to a point where she simply couldn't control herself, fingers digging into the soft mattress, eyes closed, lips parted. Surrendering her body to the waves of pleasure and totally riding them out whilst losing herself somewhere outside the room.

Even when I pulled her into my arms, face buried into my chest, she still trembled from passion. It was obvious that Regina was in a place that soothed her mind. She was lost. But still with me because when our lips brushed, I was kissed deeply. So deeply, this purring sensation inside of my throat was out of my control.

When we fell asleep, it was close to one o'clock and honestly, it was the ending to the best Christmas vacation I ever had in my entire life.

"Thank you for having me here...as your guest," Regina said in our farewells on Sunday. The car was already packed and we were wearing our coats.

"Oh not as a guest!" mom embraced her and smiled. "As more than just a guest. You're family. I enjoyed having you here so, so much. Please come again, the two of you."

I was looked at and dad lightly tapped me on the shoulder. "Safe trip. All the best for your last semester and have fun."

Pulling him into a hug, I felt my eyes sting because coming home was always the best feeling of all to me. Coming here and being with them. Where I grew up. That's why I loved Christmas so much. Now we were leaving and it's not like I didn't want to return to New York were Regina and I had started a life. But it was like being pulled from one comforting home to another.

"Take care of her," mom was telling Regina. "Spank her if necessary."

"I will," my girlfriend assured her with a smile. "Happy New Years in advance."

"If you two could have stayed for Old Years night," dad said to Regina whilst I pulled open the door to the driver's side. "We have this get together in the presbytery. Music."

"Maybe next year," she said to him, "thanks for including me in that thought."

"Always," mom pressed a kiss onto two fingers and showed Regina, her eyes shining. "Until we meet again."

"Yes." And after blowing a kiss at her, Regina got into the car whilst I started the engine.

We backed out of the driveway. We waved one last time. And then we drove away, the air chilly and still refreshing at just eight in the morning.

Xxx

**February**

"I don't want to celebrate it. Just a simple evening with dinner, just the two of us and…" Regina inclined her head, carefully collecting the two plastic binders packed with Flames stuff, "…perhaps afterward I can be rewarded with the most amazing sex."

"By who?" I stared at her innocently. Through the window came a soft wind, lifting her hair. The plate of half finished French toast still remained on the kitchen counter and her glass of orange juice was drained empty.

"Oh I don't know, Emma," her hands were thrown up and she adjusted the strap to her brown handbag, "possibly a hired whore from the brothel a few blocks away."

"Sounds like a plan," I smiled and followed after the most sexy woman on the planet, all the way downstairs and into the black car, her driver snapping the newspapers close instantly.

"Ai you kno' Mees Meels if I could geh mi 'ands on di flamin' sun, I could turn it down for ya," said Terry, one of her newest drivers who was a Guyanese from the Caribbean. He had the curliest hair I had ever seen, very fair and completely bubbly. "I tell you, one 'ah dese days. I will pelt a flamin' ice bucket at di sun."

We got in and she pushed me to the other side of the car, scowling in my direction. Of course, the reason behind that was simple. I hadn't nominated myself to be 'done' by her that evening, as an obvious first and only preference. No. It was my way of being playful and trust me, she loved playing those games. Unless the growling was enacted. Then I knew that it was an obvious sign to back off and shut it down immediately.

But today she was in a very composed mood. Smiling at people and nodding in greeting. Inhaling deeply when our hands purposely brushed. A crowd of people separating us in the elevator and thank God for that because I seriously felt like kissing her without letting go.

From the time we woke up, she was at it.

Sorting through a bunch of papers upon the kitchen counter with her huge black framed glasses on, hair disheveled. I made breakfast, waved a glass of orange juice under her nose and everything was taken with a grunt. Then even when I tried to tilt her head back for a kiss, the really focused girlfriend I had, mewled into my mouth and gently pushed me away. I was asked to cuddle with her.

That's it.

"Happy Birthday," I smiled widely as we neared her office.

Regina stopped, inclined her head and turned around. "I heard you the first time."

"Just making sure," I hugged my backpack.

"I also heard you the second time. Inside the car." Barbara was on the phone but paying attention to us. "Strike three."

"Miss Mills."

"Don't..." she glanced around, and lowered her voice, "...Miss Mills me. We spoke about this."

"Yeah but we're at work and -"

"I don't want you to refer to me as such. Now go," her right hand flicked to my department, "before I kidnap you for the day since it is highly tempting at the moment."

I was gone in a flash and resurfaced at exactly five o'clock because Larry had assigned a truckload of work on us, bright and early Friday morning. Not that it bothered me or anything because I loved to bury myself in a bundle of tasks. But on a Friday? Plus, the constant switching between tabs on the PC began to ache my eyes and the dudes suddenly decided to talk about sex.

Hiding behind our cubicles, we giggled like high school kids and marveled over Peter's sudden dialogue with no filter. Oh he could get into raw details. Larry obviously could listen into our conversation but nothing was said to stop us. Which wasn't surprising since he was that cool. That's right. I had kind of eased off on hating him. Especially when he never treated me in a bad way after finding out that I was Regina's secret girlfriend.

"So we're talking about a life size doll?" Andrew's eyes were huge, peering over the wall.

Peter leaned back on his chair dangerously, in a very relaxed mode. "Yeah, buddy. Fully blown up. Nice pair of tits and even a fully designed Kelly."

David and I snorted whilst Larry smiled at his computer screen. Kelly was another name for a woman's private part. I find it hard to even think of the word, like to process it and have it flash through my mind. And Regina would totally laugh at me if she knew about this. Because when I just can't find it within myself to use the V word, she could go all out and describe it in every way possible, even the referral to a cat.

"The pussy cat, Peter," David whispered, so that Larry couldn't hear. "Say it like a grown man."

"I prefer Kelly."

"There are girls...with that name. If you were to be with a girl with that name," Andrew said, whilst I tried to focus on my work, "what would you call her ignition?"

Peter never skipped a beat. "I'd call it Kelly."

"Ohh, I'm going to go down on your Kelly now?" David was beaming, "is that what you'll say? Fuck."

"Look, it's my choice. And who the fuck says that?" Peter gawked. "To a woman? You're going to go down on her? Do you give her a warning?"

"It's not a warning. It's more like stimulating her mind through actually saying it. She knows what's to come -"

"Why the hell would you want a woman to know what's to come? What about the art of surprise?"

"I tend to say what I'm going to do," David said matter-of-factly. "Like 'let me play with your titties' and 'take all of me'."

"He's lying. He watches too much porn," Andrew pitched in. "All the dirty talk in porn. That's what he adjusts to. You ass."

"Emma, what do you think?" Peter swiveled his chair back and reared his head to look at me. "What's your method?"

"Me?" I clicked on PUBLISH TO PDF and tried to focus because it was a repetitive process. "Um, I..."

"She's stalling," Andrew said behind his desk. "She's thinking about this and wondering. Should I tell these freaks what happens in the bedroom? Or should I say nothing?"

"I bet Emma's a screamer."

"What the hell?" I stopped typing and pushed my chair back, just to realize that all three of them were away from their desks and beaming at me.

"Are...you...a...screamer...Emma?" Andrew fished.

Peter swallowed. "How do you refer to...there?"

"No, I'm not a screamer and I just refer to it as..." I shrugged, "down...there. I guess."

All three of them gawked at me as if I had grown an extra neck or something. Larry answered his phone and of course, it was a clear path for them to take advantage.

"You like the 69. Don't you, Emma?" Peter was twirling his pen around two fingers, smirking at me.

"What's she like?"

"Does she have big tits?"

"Is she a topper?"

I rolled my eyes and pulled the chair closer to my desk. Reaching for the mouse, it was clicked. "I'm just going to ignore you three."

"Type the word VAGINA, Emma," Peter rolled his chair all the way down the row just to harass me. "Go ahead. Type it."

"Go away," I said, smiling and trying to focus. "I am not -"

"Click on the box, right there," he pointed and leaned in closer. "And do it. Unless you're chicken."

"Unless you'd prefer to type PENIS," Andrew came into my space too, both of them crowding me.

"Guys, we have a deadline. Which is 5," Larry reminded us from his desk. "Push your bodies."

"Emma, do you know what they call the clitoris in these modern times?"

I inhaled deeply, eyes squeezed shut and stopped typing. "What."

"A clitten. A cross between a clit and a kitten -"

"I'm going to scream," I warned, shoulders hunched. "If you two don't back off."

"Scream," Andrew teased, "let's hear it."

"Alright you two," Larry came into view, standing in front of my cubicle and smiling down at us, "leave Emma alone and get to work. Keep the hormones under control."

"Thank you," I mouthed to him whilst the two idiots returned to their desks.

At five o'clock, I handed in my work and practically raced out of there. The elevator was rammed with people and I had to wait until it came the second time, managing to catch Regina in the same crowd too.

The happy birthday greetings still drifted to her from all around and a few were stiffly offered. Taking them all with a small smile, she allowed our hands to brush and purposely squeezed me into the right wall of the elevator. Before I realized what was about to happen, her hand was felt between my legs and whilst everyone focused to the front and a few chatted, brave fingers caressed me through my khaki pants.

"What the -" was the first string of words she managed to blurt out when the car swung into another direction. "Emma, where are we going?"

Brown eyes were widened, sweeping the area.

"Relax.' I sat back and smiled.

"You have a tendency of doing this to me," she pointed out, her voice slightly rising, finger pointed in my direction. "Of refusing to give me the chance to change before I am whisked off to a social setting. Emma, look at the state I am in." I didn't even consider her appearance because she looked seriously hot after work and it wasn't something to complain about. "I am not dressed for...whatever it is you're forcing me to oblige to."

"I said relax. Here," Offering her my packet of watermelon scented wipes, it was batted away with a scowl. "Fine."

"I need to take a shower."

"No, you don't."

"Yes."

"Babe, you were in a room washed over with A.C for the entire day. Never stepping a foot outside. And the urge to take a shower is so bad?"

Our eyes locked and something moved behind her eyes. A glint of something. Even before I could prepare myself, she pounced on me. It was like a serious fit of kitten antics when my hands were snatched and her fingers slipped under the grass green long sleeved shirt I had on. Terry began to whistle, whilst she fitted herself on top of me and from the time our lips met, it was like one of my wildest dreams ever. The kind that Taylor Swift would sing about, where stars burn behind eyelids and toes curl, like a fairytale moment.

By the time the vehicle pulled up in front of the small hangout spot, decorated with tables and chairs under a wide red canvas shed, I was flustered. She got out as if nothing had happened, gathering her brown handbag up and stepping onto the sidewalk with such grace. It was me who tumbled out, all giddy with my neck and lips tingling.

"Good," Chad clapped his hands and appeared by the entrance door, wearing a pair of sunglasses that made him look like a movie star. "You're here."

She ceased all movements and gawked at him. "Don't you have classes? Why aren't you studying?"

"Well hate on me for deciding to come all the way here just because it's my mommy's birthday." Sauntering towards us, she was embraced and a kiss pressed upon each cheek.

Wearing a red long sleeved shirt, he was quite the looker and I noticed that a few people seated outside were quietly checking his attire out. Chad had on this pair of black jeans that gave skinny a whole new meaning. Hugging those muscular legs of his, the material was stretched. And his light brown hair, highlighted in blonde was parted to the left.

If there was one thing about him that stood out, it was his simple refusal to give a damn about what other people thought. Moving around as if he couldn't care less, being the bubbly person he was without holding back. That was Chad. The kind of man to make you honestly feel comfortable immediately, doing whatever he could to assist. Elegant, graceful in his movements and well mannerly.

We were at Regina's favorite hangout spot that served the best veggie burgers according to her, 'Green Scene'. And I bet that you're wondering what kind of name that is. Trust me, I couldn't understand the simplicity of the title either. But after tasting the food like two months ago, it was indeed the best burger I had ever eaten.

But that afternoon, I risked it and ordered something else.

"I'll have what she's having," Chad pointed out, seating himself across the table from Regina who was next to me. "The same spaghetti with sauce and a bowl of chicken salad. Cut the cubes nicely for me." He winked at the handsome waiter by the name of Ted. Something passed between them and I was astonished to note how the man smiled bashfully at Chad.

"Oh stop it," Regina said after the guy had moved off. "Behave yourself."

"What?" Chad simply couldn't sit still, beaming at us. "He's hot!"

"He's got a nice ass,' I noticed, both of us checking out the waiter whilst he leaned over the counter just inside the building. Someone collected the order. "Nice hair too."

"Hmm." I turned to Regina as she parted the menu with a graceful move and smirked at the contents.

"You agree?"

"I don't do threesomes," she said in that sexy voice of hers, refusing to make eye contact. "But if it makes you feel entirely wholesome then feel free to grab his ass. I'm not lending you my lawyer."

"Mom's jealous," Chad said, studying her face.

"I'm not...jealous."

Cutlery met plates around us, light chatter. The afternoon was chilly. Not a cloud in the sky. The soft glow of the yellow lamps caressed the area that was filled with people under the shed and I liked how we had chosen a table in the corner. Away from all the attention and we actually had a good view of the place from where we sat, Regina and me. Chad was sitting on the opposite side and facing the wall behind me. But he didn't seem to mind.

"Mom, if someone hit on Emma, would you freak out?" he was toying with her and I hoped that it didn't end badly.

"The red wine is fantastic," she said to me in a softer voice, "have a sip." The glass was tipped in my direction and I caught it between my lips. Sucking in a little bit of what she was having, it dawned upon me that yeah, the wine was indeed delicious.

"Remember Darla?" Chad pressed on. "From MIT?"

"Dear, if you wish to flip on my bitch mode then by all means, proceed." She smirked at him.

"Darla was this transgender that chased after dad," he smiled at me and continued. The waiter came pushing a silver cart and began to carefully deposit our dishes onto the table. "Showing up at his office in L.A, sending him chocolates when it was supposed to be the other way around. And dad greedily accepted all the gifts. Thank you, Ted," his upturned face was radiant from an expression that signaled pure affection.

"No problem, sir. If there is anything else, please let me know." The waiter gave me a good sideways view and I couldn't help but check out his behind. I mean, it was a slight injustice to me because I didn't have that much. The dude was fully loaded and it was unfair.

"I'd throw my pie for you, Ted," Chad licked his lips.

His expression suddenly changed when Regina obviously kicked him under the table.

"That is...noted," Ted smiled back, wringing his hands. "Do enjoy your meal."

Whilst I watched him go, Chad glared at his mother as she unrolled the cutlery from her red napkin. "How many times have I told you not to kick me with your killer heels?" he hissed. "Those things are like weapons. Geez!"

"I paid a P.I to tail Darla," Regina continued the story, using her knife and fork and I never could understand how she was so skilled at it. Whilst Chad and I used our spoons and our fingers, she could never get those fingers into her food. Everything was done so...perfectly. "I found out that she had this obsession in regards to Robin. Which at the time, I should have never restrained her antics. Up to this day it troubles me that I put a stop to it."

"What did you do?" I chewed on a potato cube and it was so soft, melting immediately in my mouth.

"I left a can of gasoline at her front door and a nice little note that assured her of the match being present upon my next visit. Leaving no evidence of course. That it was me."

I stared at her in astonishment whilst Chad smiled.

"And I quote myself," she inhaled deeply, eyes resting on the ceiling, "please do not fuck with my husband. Sincerely, the owner of a pack of matches that will ignite the hole you live in...upon my next appearance at your door."

"Wow," I stopped chewing.

"So you can keep your eyes on Ted," Chad assured me, gesturing to the guy standing at another table. "Mom will take care of him if he decides to get affectionate."

"Reminds of the time Killian revved up a chainsaw outside this dude's apartment. The guy owed Will some money. You can imagine how quickly he threw the wad out when the chainsaw hovered over his Mercedes Benz parked outside."

Chad's eyes grew dreamy. "Oh Killian."

Fifteen minutes after and our plates were empty whilst Regina continued to eat slowly. She loved to chew slowly to savor the taste in every bite, and I quote that from her as well.

Then after eating, we went for ice cream at this place just a block away from Dazzle. Ordering three scoops of chocolate ripple with sprinkles and apple syrup, she once again was the only one left with ice cream in her cup after Chad and me. Because we practically ate our dark chocolate scoops up in no time. I suddenly had this appetite that could not be tamed. It had been rearing its ugly head since January.

Somehow the pit of my stomach was missing.

Ice cream, another three scoop cup, chocolate wafers. I had a packet of M&Ms and then the feeling of being full tickled my brain.

By the time home was sought out, I was twitching from too much sugar and stumbling into the apartment after her, onto the chair I tumbled. Chad came in briefly to witness Regina opening her gifts and then he left to study with a few friends in the library on his campus. He had given her back massage machine, the kind that was shaped like a round stone and could be rested on the small of your back. When turned on, it was said to radiate warmth and create these soothing sensations to dull the ache of muscles.

Apparently he had a thing for giving people gadgets as gits as I remembered the vibrator that was buried under the pillow on the bed.

I decided to get her a new handbag. That she couldn't stop sniffing and packed her things over immediately, marveling over the dark red leather and the bottle of apple scented body wash inside.

And it was that same scent that intoxicated my mind when we made love after showering. With the sheets twisted around our naked bodies, we rocked upon the bed whilst thrusting our fingers into each other over and over again. Until the room swung dangerously and she held onto me, hoarse cries filling the air. The red blinds billowed by the opened window. The traffic hummed outside and I raked my hands through her choppy hair as we moved together, legs wrapped around each other.

"It was simple. Just the way you wanted. Wasn't it?" I held her in my arms and we stayed that way, cheeks pressed together.

"I enjoyed every special moment," she whispered, her fingers digging into my back. "Thank you for heeding to my wishes. After a long day at work, I simply wished to...wind down. In the right manner, of course, everything had to lead to this."

"I didn't want to make you upset or anything," I said, stroking her hair. "You know, doing anything too extravagant because the guys wanted to hold a get together for you. But I told them that you just wanted something quiet and simple."

"We can have a beer tomorrow night," she brought her face to the front and locked eyes with me. "It's Saturday after all. Tell them that I'd like that very much."

"They'll love that too," I smiled at her consideration for their feelings.

"I am officially fifty years young," she rubbed our noses together affectionately. "And I feel...incredible."

"That's great," I felt my chest flutter from her sudden enlightened mood. "I'm glad you feel that way."

"I've come to realize that whenever I'm with you, Emma, I always feel incredible. Age doesn't matter. Nothing else matters."

"You age like wine," I kissed her forehead softly, allowing my lips to linger there. "My babe."

"Your...babe..." she chuckled in her throat, "is longing for some Kale salad with apple cubes. Let's have some tomorrow for lunch."

"You know that I only encourage the taste of Kale because of you," i admitted, smiling at her. "Other than that, no way."

"I'll add in a root beer," she compromised.

"Can we actually drink root beer...at work?"

"We can but I'm not talking about at work, silly." Regina raked her fingers through my blonde hair and inhaled deeply. "Let's have lunch somewhere private."

"I get off at two though..." I reminded her.

"I can wait."

"I don't think that I can..."

"Oh I'll prepare a turkey sandwich for you, you baby," she teased, pressing our lips together, eyes fluttering close.

"I love it when you call me baby," I whispered.

"What about if I call you my vanilla ice cream sundae?"

"No."

"My...blonde unicorn lollipop."

"No way," I stared at her.

Regina smiled. "Okay, then...my...savior...my...White Knight?"

I inhaled deeply, replaying the title in my mind. "I like it."

"Do you also like...this?" tucking her tongue to the side of her lips, she made me gasp when I felt a hand between my legs.

"I like that very much. Hell yeah."

"What about...this?"

Making me tremble, she began to drive me crazy from a stimulating massage just where I was wet and burning up for her. "Yessss."

Pushing me back onto the bed, her splayed fingers pressed me down and I was climbed on top of. Then snatching my fingers, Regina slipped two into her without wasting time and both of us felt our chests heave from passion.


	20. I Take Her To Biker's Fest

**_Excerpt:_ **

" **Today was the best day I've had in a very long time," she entwined our fingers in front of her and inhaled deeply. "The last fantastic day that blew my mind was my birthday. When you took me out and we had ice cream. And we made love so passionately."**

" **I want to make love to you right now," I pressed my lips to her left ear, feeling how she trembled. "Can you imagine it? Right here? Facing the river. I wish we had a house right next to the river."**

" **Let's do that then," she said, as if it was that easy and it was possibly easy for her. Just that I couldn't imagine it. "Let's get a house by the river and a balcony facing this view. And then we can make love to each other whilst the wind kisses our naked bodies."**

**She took my breath away from those words alone.**

* * *

She wouldn't let me study in peace.

"Give me the pen," I said, wiggling my fingers at her.

Sitting there on the other side of the bed, Regina sent me a look that suggested anything but giving into my demands. Brown eyes blinking slowly, her face showing no hint of makeup because a shower had been taken half an hour ago. Now in a cute pink pajama pants suit that had white paw prints imprinted on every inch of space, she appeared anything but dangerous. The attitude a cat would take up when she's contented. Just staring at you without any sign of expected aggression to come.

No.

She was in a calm mood but somehow, my pen had been snatched during the blink of an eye.

"Regina..." the string of symbols depicting a tedious formula was half finished. I had been so focused until she intervened. "Fine," I said, shaking my head and lowering fatigued eyes to my notebook once more, "I'll just use my pencil."

Within the split of two seconds, that was snatched as well.

"Hey!" I spun around and caught her grinning, chest shaking from concealing a bout of uncontrollable laughter within. "It's almost eight and I basically have..." my eyes rested on the black clock with red hands, "five hours left. So don't toy with me."

"So don't toy with me," she mimicked in that husky voice, her head dancing side to side from sheer mockery.

"I can't play games right now," I sighed, raking fingers through my disheveled blonde hair.

"I can't play games right now," she repeated.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

It was decided that somehow, something must be done that would put her into a contented mode. Maybe what was desired was a little bit of affection. Not too much because if I slipped into a bout of passion, our legs tangling together, then exhaustion would eat my cup of coffee up and sizzle me with tiredness.

So crawling across the slice of distance between us, shoulders hunched, i gently brushed dark hair behind her ears. Moving in wasn't that bad because it was allowed. Her eyelashes fluttered as a light wind came in through the open window, the red blinds dancing. Outside, one could lock eyes with the apartment windows from the building next door. Then there was a hint of the dark sky up above. And whilst the hustle and bustle of New York carried on downstairs and around us on Saturday night, I made her heart soften.

I kissed her.

At first the moan that I unearthed made my toes curl and I felt that at least that would do the trick of relaxing her. Prying the pen and pencil from between soft fingers, I captured them behind my back and sucked on her bottom lip softly. She was breathless, enough to lose track of my actions so that when our kiss deepened, warm breath caressing my face as we lingered in near, I eased her into a lying position.

But I didn't throw my leg over and get on top.

That would be too suggestive, like igniting a sparkle on the 4th of July, one that would lead to a flame.

I tasted the cherries she had sucked on earlier from the fruit cake we bought on our way home from work. Having the driver pull into a vacant space, just because there was this impulsive need in her to step into a boutique. Victoria Secret. We spent close to two hours in that store, me standing back to watch her brush through lingerie. Waving lace in my face with a smirk, and her heels clicking upon the tiled floors as she made her way to the dressing room.

To fit herself into this...thing...this black onesie that literally made my jaw drop to the floor when she stepped out.

Regina had a body that was beyond beautiful.

Curves in all the right places, her cute butt just tempting me to grab it and the swell of her full breasts that heaved. I was as breathless as she was in that moment, the two of us gazing at each other after we uttered two lines.

"What do you think?"

"Right now...all I'm thinking...is taking you back in there and going down on my knees."

I eventually did. But in the shower. Half an hour ago as I'm now narrating in the present moment and still, my head is still spinning.

Maybe that's why I couldn't even focus on Financial Management and Risk Analysis. The Discounting Factor, Liquidity Ratios and calculating the Working Capital were all taking a bit too long to memorize because she was there. She was right next to me, I could smell the apple scented body wash that lingered on her skin, could still taste the softness of her lips and no matter what, the feel of those legs around me when we made love under the shower, I couldn't get that out of my head.

"I just want half an hour of your time," she said to me, brown eyes softening up, lying back upon the pillows, fingers curling above her head. Knees slightly kinked, she was in a position that was really pleasing to me. "For us to talk."

"About?" I held my breath, trying to ignore the show of her honey colored skin around the waistband of the pink pajama pants.

"Anything. I want to hear your voice. You've been silent since we got home."

"I kind of had my mouth full not so long ago," I reminded her. "Plus there's a lot of things racing through my head."

"Tell me. Elaborate. Voice...these...things...to me." She breathed through parted lips and curled up on her right side.

"Well..." I shrugged, taking a sitting position on the bed, legs folded under me, "mostly exams. My grades. I kind of feel...tense. Inside. Like there's so much inside of me that needs to be let out and I can't let it out. Or maybe it's just the fact that I have this killer exam coming up on Monday and I'm now doing mostly last minute reading."

"Right. Because some of the chapters you have never read before."

"Basically."

"Emma, I warned you about this," she scolded me in a light voice, "I warned you about allowing your study load to bulk up. There you were, spending too much of your available time on TV shows; bouncing between catching up on Grimm, Reign and Supernatural -"

"I regret it now," I said, lowering my eyes. "At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. Because I just felt stressed out and needed to wind down."

"Yes but there are ways to balance one's leisure time. As I often suggested," she reached out her right hand and our fingers brushed, "study for an hour, watch an episode. Study again for an hour and repeat the routine. In my days, my novel that I was engrossed at in the moment was my distraction. Therefore, I'd read a limited amount of pages then return to studying. It became a habit. That worked."

Little did she know that there was no such thing as watching one episode of a TV show just like that. Regina never even looked at TV shows. Except Oprah reruns, Doctor Phil, Judge Judy, The View and 60 minutes. She didn't know the pent up anticipation that arose from nearing the end of an episode, the internal struggle, your mind twisted with all these questions about what was to come. Knowing that there was another episode available and if you just clicked on that link, the freaking thing played right out without buffering.

"Well I just have the...now...because the...then is gone," I pointed out.

"Yes."

"I'm gonna try to push in a lot of studying tomorrow when I hang with Neal and Killian but for now, I'm still trying."

"Where are you going to study tomorrow?" she couldn't take her eyes off of me and that was one of the many things Regina did that would make my knees weak over and over again.

"Anywhere. Once there's peace and quiet."

"Why don't you stay here?" she suggested, slightly surprising me because naturally, Sundays were her quiet days, to relax with no intrusions. "Feel free to use the living room or the balcony. We can order in or I can cook."

I stared at her, speechless.

"I don't mind."

"Yeah but they've never...come here. Neal and Killian."

"I know that." She toed my right thigh playfully, eyes pinched from a smile, "which is why I am suggesting such a thing."

"But Sundays are your rest days. You know, walking around with your hair messy, no makeup on, wearing baggy clothes and watching Super Soul Sundays on OWN. I don't want to mess up your day by having friends over. I mean, they wouldn't be that chaotic but -"

"Oh Emma," rising from the pillow, she reached across the distance and used cupped fingers to caress my right cheek, "you are too considerate when it comes to my feelings. I respect that, as you know. But just remember that whilst your heart seeks to make me feel comfortable, I am trying to do the same for you. If you would rather go out," she shrugged, "then do so. But also welcome the idea of staying here."

I didn't stare at her in that moment.

"Because spending a Sunday without you here, with me, that would be tormenting. Having half my heart at a distance. I want you here. If that's not too much to ask."

After those words were spoken, my heart simply melted and a gaze was enacted between us. One that lasted long and neither of us broke it. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to pick up my pen and pulling the notebook towards me, the equation was finished easily.

"Did I say all the right things again?" she said softly, caressing along my left arm, lying back down upon the pillows.

"Yeah," I croaked, blinking fast and holding back the tears.

"I'm not going to apologize."

That made me laugh. "You never have to."

"You'll do well in the exam, sweetheart," she assured me, trying to boost my confidence but it wouldn't work because I was quite aware of how hard the course was. And nothing would help at that point. "Just give it your best shot. And let that be enough."

"I'm seeing a C," I said.

"Then turn that C into an A. Inside your head."

"Regina, I'm going to fuck this up," I said to her, my chest aching. "I know I will. It's the hardest thing I've ever done."

"Is it?" she raised an eyebrow at me. "It's not. Believe me, it's not. Emma, you're so smart. So industrious. You put your best foot forward always. Therefore, this situation will be no different than any other. You have come so far."

"And what if I get a C? Or a D?" I stared at her.

"Then accept it. Move on and realize that everyday as a manager, you will be faced with several options. I constantly make decisions and can never be certain of their outcomes. The main thing is that I use my intuitive and put my best foot forward. I have failed terribly, Emma. I have made deals that cost Dazzle millions of dollars. But at the end of the day, life goes on and we are given other opportunities to prove our self worth. Do not let an exam define who you are."

She was so right. She was so right, I didn't say anything afterwards because I was allowing her words to sink in. Those words that kept playing over and over in my head. Making me realize that we can't always win everything. Yeah, we push ourselves to do our best but how many times do we actually achieve exactly what was desired?

Even Killian didn't always get 100% on his exams and he was aiming for valedictorian with a 4.0 GPA in Mechanical Engineering whilst doing two other part time programs: Mathematics and Physics. Neal was also a brainy. But he was more of your 'read it and cough it up in your own words' kind of guy. He had a tankful of common sense. Will was good with his hands and making things.

Unlike other people who didn't have to study but excelled anyway, the three Stooges burned the midnight oil frequently. Killian was no exception. He got the good grades out of intense studying. He was good with numbers and calculating stuff. That's why he was the best guy to explain these string of equations to me because once he grasped the concept of what the symbols meant and how they affected each other, his brain would highlight the answers in no time.

Xxx

Sunday came and went in a flash.

That's how fast time goes by when you're entirely focused on studying and severely tensed up by the actual thought of what the exam paper would look like. In a nutshell, Killian and Neal did the best they could within eight hours. Pouring over every chapter with me, combing equations through with precision, never missing anything.

We sipped on lemonade and Regina thoroughly enjoyed Killian's brave move to help her prepare lunch. In fact, she came to sit down whilst we were studying, her Kindle resting in her lap and ever so often, our eyes would meet. We'd hold that gaze until my attention was torn away by their explanations. My heart would do this little dance and become fueled by passion, channeling her energy onto me.

Making me keep the faith that I could do this.

That I could conquer all because she was my Queen, she believed in me and nothing would go wrong.

I remembered sitting in the exam room and wondering what the hell would happen to me if I had never met her. Sitting there whilst the examiners swept through the aisles with my eyes cast outside the window. Looking at the campus life below at fifteen minutes to six in the afternoon, a sense of calmness washing over the grounds.

What would my life be like now if I hadn't picked her up at the airport?

Would she have made a move on me at work?

If a moment slips by without us grasping a hold of that opportunity, are we guaranteed that we will be given another chance?

Obviously I'd still be single because Neal's advances wouldn't have been successful. Because I never wanted him in a romantic way. I never felt something so deeply for him as I did for Regina and the truth is, had I never experienced what she often drowned me in, then it was possible, slightly possible that I would have settled for less. I would have probably allowed someone else to show me half of what she could, someone who could make me feel half of what she made me feel. And I never believed in coincidences but after that call and the airport run, I did.

The paper was placed in front of me, two sheets, faced down.

Whilst everyone was busy flipping through the booklet, I merely returned to gazing outside and rolled the blue ink pen across the desk. I was wearing a pair of dark blue sneakers, a pair of faded blue jeans, a yellow tank top and one of her sweaters, a red one. It was my favorite article of clothing because the soft cashmere fabric had somehow trapped her smell inside. Enveloping me everywhere I went, when courage was needed, when her presence was desired, she was right there with me.

And I needed her in that exam.

"You can do it, Emma," her hoarse voice filled my mind. "I believe in you. Above all, you believe in yourself. You're so smart. So brave. It's inside of you. Everything you've read. Everything you know. All it takes is for you to flip through your filing system and retrieve those moments you were engaged in studying. All the best."

Her text message, sent to me at exactly five thirty.

We hadn't seen each other that day at work because she was neck deep in a meeting with L.A. But she sent that text and had lunch sent up to my desk that day. I was made aware of her presence even if it wasn't physically possible.

"You have three hours," the examiner announced from the front of the lecture hall, about twenty rows down. "You may begin now. Turn over your papers."

I turned it over and decided that yeah, her OCD had rubbed off on me. Whilst most people often flipped through the exam booklet and began answering the easiest question, my mind forced me to begin from number one. It was like having her order in things rub off on me. How she labeled her spice bottles and kept the cutlery separate. Her shirts were arranged according to the length of the sleeves, makeup case containing pockets for lipsticks and everything else.

To be honest, the exam wasn't easy. As expected, it was hard. But I managed and did my best. I took my time, and what wasn't understood or remembered, those sections were attempted. By the time two and a half hours were up, Karen showed up briefly and disappeared before I could catch her after handing in my paper. As usual, a few students who were my friends lifted their heads to observe my early exit, their backs bent, buried in their booklets. But I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there.

Stepping into the cool night, I felt slightly tense and yet somewhat freed. I had Taxation on Friday. It wasn't that bad but all my time had been focused on studying for Financial Management, now only time after three days at work remained to prepare.

I'll be honest with you. At that age, my fear of bridges still remained.

There was this particular one we had to cross to get into the campus grounds again and that night, the light on the post was flickering a little too much, unsettling me. Shoulders hunched, taking a hold of the straps on my backpack, I ventured across the wooden platform with lowered eyes. No one was about really, and the occasional laughter of people from somewhere in another building, probably the Computer and Technology Faculty drifted to my ears.

My fear of bridges was all mom's fault.

Remember that story we're told as kids? The one that contains the gruesome creatures called trolls living under the bridge? And you'd have to pay a fee to get across? Yeah, she used to tell me that one with a reminder that the same trolls were librarians in disguise, waiting to collect overdues. That was my mom.

Naturally, as soon as classes are over, I'd either meet up with the guys or head to my car. But that night, my bug was parked in the mechanic work shop not too far from Dazzle and I had to take the bus.

Well at least that was the plan.

There I was walking along the dimly lit walkway, all by myself and then it just happened.

I felt her presence before she announced herself.

"My, oh my. What beautiful blonde hair you have."

I smiled to myself and stopped, my chest heaving. The sound of heels hitting the concrete walkway was music to my ears, as she slowly approached me. In that moment, I was seriously speechless. Turning around to cast my eyes on her, coming towards me with a smirk, knowing that she was really there and it wasn't expected. I didn't ask her to come get me. I didn't tell her my car was at the body shop. And yet, she found out.

"How was it?" My shoulders were taken and I was smiled at.

"Hard as granite. But I managed to crack certain parts." I shrugged, glancing around to detect anyone watching. No one was, and I didn't care. But my friends from campus didn't know about who I was dating. If they knew, then I wouldn't hear the end of it.

"That's good to hear," she said softly, fixing my blonde hair behind an ear, "the main thing is that you tried." She nodded. "You did your best."

"You know, I kept replaying your text message in my head all the time," I said to her when we started walking to the parking lot, our fingers brushing. "I kept hearing those words in your voice."

"Excellent. Inspiration goes a long way."

"You really didn't have to come get me," I glanced at her.

The jingle of her keys filled the silence. The sound was so haunting, intermingled with the rustle of leaves of the trees planted around the grounds.

"I wanted to." Dark hair fell into her face when the handles of the bike was taken. Toeing up the lock, with a brown boot, the sleeves of her black shirt fluttered from the light wind. She was wearing a pair of black jeans.

"You're my hero," I said to her, watching every move, how graceful she was.

"I kept thinking about your pent up anxiety before the exam and the fact that you'd be somewhat shaken afterwards. To which my only move was to shut off the OWN channel and ride out here. Quite a refreshing ride it was too," she nodded, throwing a boot over the bike and getting on.

I didn't have anything in my hand. Just my backpack so I got on too and wrapped my arms around her waist, feeling how warm she was and completely melting. It was like all the anxiety she mentioned slipped away and in that moment, the exam didn't matter. Nothing else mattered. The smell of her hair was all that filled my heart and I allowed myself to drown in that apple scent.

"Did you give this weekend any thought as yet?"

The engine started and the bike moved. "Yes."

I noted how a few people were walking around campus, their shadowed appearances filling the air with this eerie feeling. Around this time of the year, the end of May, campus was always a ghost town.

"And?"

The bike got onto the road and we headed to the exit gates.

"I'm going to go with you guys," she said.

It was the best news all week. "Awesome!" My grip around her tightened and she melted. Obviously smiling. "Killian will rejoice when he hears about this."

"I bet he will."

Xxx

There was no better way of recovering from that horrible Taxation exam than attending the annual Bikers' Fest.

Every single year since I moved to New York, the Three Stooges and myself would buy tickets and get our butts down there definitely. It wasn't just a thrill for me. It was this time of the year that revved up my excitement and made me feel energized. Because even though I wasn't as versed as the guys in the models of bikes, the actual stunts performed were something to look forward to.

Pushing the limit, tasting danger boldly, riding up that ramp and flipping over in midair. Pumping that accelerator and flying over lined up vehicles, watching these guys' faces light up, legs spread wide as they soared into the air.

"Darth is performing tonight," Killian said, collecting his change. He handed Regina a hot dog and then collected mine. Neal and Will preferred hamburgers whilst the dashing guy who wore eyeliner had suddenly gone vegan. He bought a veggie burger instead.

"All I want to see is Shane fly," Neal declared.

"Got your pen this time?" Will smiled, and so did I because last year, we actually had the luck of coming face to face with Shane Sensation, one of the famous bikers. And Neal didn't have a pen. No one did, actually.

"Oh yeah." He twirled it around his fingers and smiled. "Think I'll be lucky again this year?"

"If we're comparing the probability to your actual sex life, then the ratio is non-existent." That was Killian who pulled up the cap on Regina's can of orange juice and winked at her.

"I'll have you know," Neal said when we chose to linger there, just in front of the pavilion, "that I was kind of lucky this week."

"Annie from Health Science?" Will's eyes were huge.

"Hell yeah."

I watched Neal's chest puff out and snorted. "Yeah right. Her reputation should be enough to chase you away."

"Mate, what are you playing at exactly?" Killian frowned. The sound of a motorbike revving up drew Regina's attention and our shoulders were pressed together as she sought out the source. "Annie is a bloody whore. The only thing she would want from you is a one night stand. After that, you're just a page in her book. What you want is Jessie and you know it."

Neal glanced away and sighed. "I'm non-existent to Jessie."

"Mate, she sat next to you in the library last Friday," Will reminded him.

"Yeah but I think I was friendzoned."

"You engaged her in conversation for half an hour. You spoke about the case she was oh so tirelessly trying to figure out from her Commercial Law class. In all manner of speaking, mate, I find that as progress. The girl came to you for help. She seated herself at our table. Tell me, which girl would approach a group of three men just like that? Obviously she was aware of you somehow. You were sought out directly." Killian sighed.

I stared at Neal and wondered why he hadn't told me this.

"Yeah but she only talked about the case and I felt used. Like a computer or something." Neal unwrapped his hamburger, held it up and sniffed it. "Call me mad, but even when I leaned in, nothing happened. Instead, the fucking book was caressed."

"Books are always...caressed," Killian noted whilst Regina smirked at Neal. "It's normal for that to happen. People seek out books to escape and through that journey, they latch themselves onto the pages, like a lover."

"Anyway, so I don't see that as progress." Neal took a bite of his burger and chewed, eyes cast towards the tarmac that was empty.

"Do you want us to find a seat now?" I leaned in and asked Regina.

She turned to me, and smiled. Her chest heaved. "When you're ready. I'm perfectly fine right now."

"The point is, feel your way through this," Killian was saying to Neal, the three of them just standing there, like three birds on a fence, staring in the same direction, chewing on their burgers. "Move in a little and speak to her. She seems...shy. Fuck Annie."

"Dude," Neal glanced at Killian, "seriously?"

"Putting ideas in his head. Not cool," Will pointed out, smiling wryly. "Makes a man think about a lot of things, mentioning the word 'fuck'."

"I really like them," Regina said softly to me, carefully holding her hot dog. "They're so...intriguing."

"Yeah." I couldn't help but smile because she was gazing at them with this softened expression and it thrilled me. "Most times they're just know-it-alls, competing on different subjects. But when you get used to it, time spent together becomes one big joke."

"I love how this happened to you," she said, our eyes meeting. "Meeting three tolerable males who obviously would do anything to make you happy. Hanging with them. Helping each other constantly without second thinking the situation. That's friendship." Diverting her gaze, she blinked at the scene before us. "Something I only have in one person."

"Mally?" I couldn't stop looking at her. The outfit she had on was so sexy. This simple black shirt with no sleeves, tucked inside a pair of skinny black jeans, with the addition of a belt. Ankle high, high heeled black boots.

"I was always a loner, Emma."

"But they consider you as their friend," I gestured at the guys. "Especially Killian."

"Really?" she stared at me with wide eyes.

"He kept asking me whole month if his friend was going to come tonight. He's always interested in what you're reading. He wants to know who inspires you and was really fascinated over your bookcase. I'd say that either he's a fanatic or you're the kind of person he wants to have as a friend."

Her brown eyes were wet. "He's so mannerly and oftentimes I feel as if he's the brother I always...wanted."

"Then tell him that," I urged her. "Trust me, if you tell him that, it'll make him happy."

"And...Neal?"

I shrugged, "he doesn't wait for someone to approve him as a friend. He's the kind of guy that meets people and instantly becomes their friend. Which is why he has like 2000 people on his friends' list on Facebook. Once he connects, that connection never ends. So you were his friend from that first night when we..." I swallowed, staring at nothing in particular, "...kissed."

"It's almost a year now," she reminded me, a slight tremor in her voice, eyes focused my way. "We're almost in June."

"Time flies so fast when you're having the best moments of your life. Now I know what mom meant when she said buckle up and make the most out of every blissful moment. Work gets in the way. Then there's university and studying. We're always busy."

"Yes but we sleep in the same bed at nights and sweetheart," her cupped fingers brushed my left cheek, "that's enough to make my life so much better. When before, I would sleep alone. Even when he was...there...physically, his presence wasn't...felt. Now I can literally drift off in your arms and experience the deepest slumber ever. Waking up with you just...there...next to me. It is the most amazing feeling of all."

I bit my lips and blinked fast.

She was doing it.

She was making me fall in love with her all over again and my heart was dancing around in my chest. The ground slanted a little because her words made me grow dizzy.

"Am I saying the right things again?"

I nodded fast enough and laughed within my throat.

"You keep doing that."

She laughed. "Okay. I will."

We chose seats like midway down the pavilion that was rammed with people. Thousands of faces, washed over with excitement or fright whilst the stunts began. The roar of engines filling the air when she held onto my right arm and sipped on her orange juice. The cheers from Neal as he jumped up in the air when Shane Sensation flew across the line of vehicles in succession. He was like a child again. Will was silent, staring in awe whilst Killian sat back and inwardly buzzed with enthusiasm.

"Dude! He did it!" Neal grinned at Killian, on his feet and thrilled to the max. "He broke the record after last year!"

The crowd cheered on as Shane, a man most likely in his early forties took off his green helmet and waved it in the air. His mane of blonde hair reached broad shoulders and he enacted a rhythmic chant of his name whilst hopping on the spot. The people, his fans rocked in their seats with excitement, the other bikers smiling.

"Fifteen bloody vehicles," Killian stood up and stared at the line up. "I'd say that's incredible."

"It's fucking awesome!" Neal declared. "Watching him soar like that. Like an eagle. All revved up."

"He goes all gay for Shane," I explained to Regina, and she chuckled within her throat. "See, this happens every year. He gets all flustered up and falls in love."

"Thank you," I felt her warm lips press onto my right ear.

Turning my head, our noses rubbed together. She was smiling. "For what?"

"This," Regina said, hugging my arm, resting our foreheads together. "Bringing me here."

"You like?" The chanting continued, 'I Got A Feeling' by the Black Eyed Peas began to play, incredible bass from the sound system.

"I love it," her chest heaved uncontrollably. "I'm having such a great time."

"That's actually good to hear. I thought you wouldn't like it because of all the noise."

"I like it because you're here with me," she purred into my ear, never letting go of my arm.

I did it.

I moved in and pressed my lips on hers and it was possibly the most electrifying kiss ever. Because the actuality of the moment, knowing that thousands of people were around us, the air buzzing with energy. She was so breathless, I was drowning and when she kissed me back, my knees grew so weak. My ears rang. Her fingers splayed across my cheeks and my heart exploded. By the time we pulled apart, I couldn't catch myself. I couldn't breathe. And we gazed at each other whilst Neal stood on his seat, pumping fists in the air.

"Washroom break anyone?" Killian asked, breaking my focus on her, pulling me up in the deep end.

I swallowed and nodded, feeling her fingers curl in my lap. "Yeah, count me in."

"Me too," she croaked, blinking too fast.

"Follow my lead," he said, rising from his seat and already devising the best pathway to take through the crowd.

"Hey wait," Neal rose up, "maybe we should move too. You know, just in case Shane make an early exit."

"Your super man crush," Killian smiled. "Mate, just don't fold up on us when you meet him."

"Yeah right."

So we made our way to the washroom, used it and came out back. The cheering continued and our next position was just by the front of the pavilion where there was this concrete ledge. Killian engaged Regina in a conversation about how her day went whilst I had no idea that someone was checking me out.

Looking back on it now, it was so funny because I had seen this woman in the pamphlet advertising the Bikers' Fest every single year. Her name was Sheena Moore, and a record breaker because she was capable of matching the male bikers' challenges without any massive effort. Three years ago, she was crushed on by me.

The dudes called her 'Muscle Barbie' because of her toned arms and legs. But she had the kind of personality that didn't fit her build at all. Moving around like a babe in high heels with her long mane of red hair tied back in a high ponytail. Sheena was ever gay girl's fantasy woman.

I felt this tap on my shoulder, spun around and my jaw dropped to the freaking grass.

"Hello there, gorgeous," she purred, hugging her red helmet that was decorated with black skulls.

There was no way, like no way ever she was talking to me. No way.

I tried to breathe but I had no lungs all of a sudden.

"I'm on a break, was standing just...over there," she gestured to the refreshment stand where the hot dogs were sold, "and then I saw you standing here. With the loveliest shade of blonde hair. All by yourself."

"I..." I couldn't speak.

Up close, she made me literally wipe Sandra Bullock and Jennifer Aniston off my list.

"Cat got your tongue?" she smirked at me, arms folded.

"Well...yeah," I clamped my mouth shut and stared.

"Happens often. People fail to realize though that I'm just a person. Not made of gold or anything."

"You're...amazing," I managed to say. "I've seen your stunts. The guys have nothing on you."

"Don't let Shane hear that," she winked at me and smiled. "His cheeks are going to color, darling."

She called me darling. Oh my God. Sheena Moore called me darling. ME. She was talking to me. She was freaking talking to me.

Well obviously the guys would draw nearer like moths to a flame. Very soon, they had her signing their pamphlets and Regina raised her eyebrow at me, smirking.

"No offense or nothing but you should tighten your pants just a...little...more," Neal boldly told Sheena.

"I thought they were tight enough?" she checked herself out and smiled.

"Slightly slack around the...butt..." he gestured, eyes wide.

"Oh would you grow up?" Killian scolded him, slapping Neal's shoulder with a rolled up pamphlet.

"I think you're simply astounding," Neal said to her, gawking. "You're the best when it comes to the triple roll. High in the air. Awesome."

"And here I was, remembering you telling me last year, that I was the best," Shane said, showing up, dressed in red and white just like his fantastic motorbike.

You can imagine Neal's face, coloring red immediately and the rest of us laughing. Eventually, Shane stole the guys away whilst Sheena slanted over to me once more, all set on her aim to torment. Or as it would appear, she wanted to get my number. At that point, with Regina standing on my left, her curled fingers brushing behind my back, it was like the point where you're involved in a fix involving guns. And someone is about to be wiped out.

I was sweating, just after she asked for my number.

"I...can't," I said, choking on my words, eyes probably bulging at her.

"Why not?" Sheena frowned, the screen on her fancy Samsung Galaxy remaining illuminated. "We can hang out. Unless you have a special someone already?"

"I...do," and my voice came out like a squeak. Clearing my throat, I felt the dark haired Goddess next to me, pressing in closer. "Actually, she's right here."

"Oh?" Sheena stared at Regina and for a few seconds, there was utter shock on her face. Something happened behind those hazel eyes. Something that I wanted to know more about but couldn't. However, after the truth sank in, she forced out a laugh and shrugged. "Guess the good ones are always taken anyway, huh?"

"Nah," I smiled. "There are a couple left."

"Straight ones though," Sheena pointed out. "Anyway so you swing in the direction of older women. I prefer my age. Having a girlfriend that's younger is just fun. Old chicks kinda turn me off. Not that your girlfriend isn't...a girl...friend...per say."

She insulted Regina. It was like a punch in the gut but just when I was about to defend my babe, the most awesome thing happened.

"Actually, she isn't my girlfriend," Regina declared in that husky voice of hers, wrapping an arm around me and smiling dangerously. "She's more than that."

"I bet she is." Sheen smiled back stiffly.

"She's my wife," the hot biker was told. Boldly. Without skipping a beat. I was claimed far above the average title of a girlfriend. Not even referred to as a 'partner' but her...wife.

That was enough to shut down Sheena and make me squeak inside because I wasn't interested in her THAT way anymore but the actual thought of having the sexiest biker hit on me. And then she was turned off. It kind of made me feel both triumphant and slightly downcast. It was the look Sheena gave me before walking away, as if it was my fault or something. As if I was a weirdo. But there I was thinking, hey, if she couldn't accept the fact that her hot fan had the most amazing girlfriend ever and was happy, then she could just suck on lemons.

"Well played," Neal lifted his clenched fist in Regina's direction. She bumped it with hers, smirking. "That was awesome."

"Well played indeed," Killian sauntered over, "quite the way to claim your woman in public."

"Because she claimed me," Regina said, squeezing me in closer, "so it was only automatic."

"So did you two get engaged secretly or something?" Will frowned at us, searching our faces, "or am I just always the last to know about these things as usual?"

"Yeah, did you?" Neal narrowed his eyes at me. "Because I want my wedding cake."

"No, we didn't," I felt my heart racing and couldn't believe that she had called me her wife. Eyes lowered, I toed the grass. "She was just pulling Sheena's leg."

"Was I?" Regina reached up to tuck stray strands of blonde hair behind my left ear and our eyes met.

"You know, we could make millions of dollars if we just got a camera and took a few shots of the two of you together," Neal said matter-of-factly. "Too much love is in the air between you guys. America would love this."

Regina reached out and playfully squeezed his right shoulder, possibly stunning Neal in the process. "No, Cassidy."

"Well played...again," Killian announced, smirking at his friend who was still gaping.

"She...called me...Cassidy. She...touched...me."

He always said that maybe Regina hated him or something, because that's the way he felt. Like she wasn't too keen on becoming his friend but would soften up to Killian instead. So obviously when she did that, Neal was caught up in the moment.

"You're too cute," Regina chuckled at him as the roar of the crowd was turned on again. Which only meant one thing, the stunts had begun.

We were really enjoying that evening, so much, I didn't even feel exhausted from all the cheering plus standing on my feet for over an hour. Killian had found a chair for Regina, placing it right near us and the dudes watched her carefully sit down like a lady, thighs touching. Smiling at how Will kept gawking at her, I realized that she was probably the first woman they were this close to in a manner of speaking. She was possibly like a wonder woman to them or something.

And my suspicions were proven correct after Sheena performed her stunts, revving up before hitting the ramps.

"Look how she eats," Neal said, staring in the other direction. I followed his line of sight and saw Regina unwrapping her half hot dog that remained. "I swear, she's like the perfect definition of a woman."

"All graceful and delicate," Killian added, smiling at his new-found friend. "Quite the lady, she is. Look how she sits alone. In one attitude that suggests composure beyond understanding. Obviously her sex appeal is enough to weaken the knees of any sensible man."

"And Emma is the lucky one," Will said, playfully flipping my ponytail up. "Caught the best fish in the sea."

"Mom always used to tell me that you can tell a lot about a woman from the way she eats," Neal said, still staring. But Regina wasn't even aware of our scrutiny. She was busy paying attention to the stunts. "See the way she chews with her mouth closed? That alone...shows how amazing she is."

"It shows composure and a sense of being entirely neat. To which her constant need to do everything in the right manner comes in. You've seen her apartment. She's a very tedious woman, placing things in order. She savors order."

I nodded at Killian but refused to mention that she had O.C.D.

"Here's what," Neal sipped on his can of Coke and swallowed, "using Regina as a role model, I'd like to find a woman like her."

"That's actually not a bad idea," Will agreed, nodding. "Women should be more mannerly like her. She's a babe, if you don't mind me saying that."

"I'd totally do an older woman," Neal confessed. "But Jennifer Aniston has nothing, and I repeat NOTHING on Regina."

Brown eyes focused on us and we were paid attention to.

"Mind if I keep her company a little?" Killian asked me and I had no idea why he would do that because obviously I'd agree anyway. "I'd like to sit down."

"Go ahead," I smiled, gesturing to where she was.

"Oh yeah, Shane!" Neal cried, getting all excited again for his man crush, eyes shining. I watched the red and white bike roll onto the tarmac and the man with the blonde hair took up his position.

Regina and Killian talked for some time and then because my legs were finally growing tired, I dragged myself over there and sat down next to him. Busy explaining how he managed to cope with doing so much courses at once at university, she was paying very keen attention to him. Which wasn't that bad because once she found someone quite interesting, Regina grew attached to them. And Killian was no exception.

It was rare for her, to find someone like him, someone who would endlessly speak about books and topics she loved. Apart from me! I know you're probably wondering, so Emma, what do you two really talk about if Killian is suddenly interesting her so much? But you've got to realize that even though she and I engage ourselves in conversation often, there's a difference in being in love with someone and finding a friend in someone else.

Yeah she found a friend in me and a lover, but Killian gave her the chance to also find someone else to talk about. Because after Robin, she wasn't really comfortable with men anymore. Regina hated them. Robin basically stained her belief in the other species and that's why I really wanted her to hang out with the guys since they were obviously the coolest dudes on earth apart from her son. See? It wasn't that bad after all because now she was getting to know him more and there was Neal who really admired her. And Will was just still kind of awkward...around anyone for that matter.

You're probably wondering, so what about Larry? Why did she become his friend so easily then? Well that's my supervisor for you, guys. He's basically the kind of guy to make anyone like him because of his personality. You know the kind of guy who has this warming spirit? And I grew to like him because at work, he really tried to make me feel comfortable. Especially since Regina had told him about us, Larry kind of felt the need to soften up to me more, because I was the boss' girlfriend.

Blah.

"So...in regards to my son," she suddenly said and I focused my attention on them, leaving Sheena's stunt halfway. "Are you two seeing each other?"

Killian was caught. The look in his blue eyes suggested so much more and I realized that we had never talked about it really.

"We hang out," he admitted, "I'll agree to that. But in regards to dating each other as of now, I'd disagree. He's more into his workload pertaining to law, as am I in my studies."

"Yes but one must find time to spend with the person they deeply care about," she said, her brown eyes resting on me. I smiled back and lowered mine. "It is essential to at least take a few moments to do so."

"The thing about this situation is that it's delicate," he said softly, eyes lowered as well, gesticulating with his right hand. "I have no idea what the bloody hell I'm playing at but it's a feeling. It's...there. We're both trying to connect with each other as much as we can but i suspect that he feels my inner struggle to not accept this because it's something new. Therefore, Chad would choose to stay away."

"Because he's like me," Regina stated, "had Emma brushed me off that night, then I would have kept my distance. But she didn't. Instead, I was boldly given signals, she pushed me. And it reached a point where I simply could not hold back. Perhaps you will reach that point with Chad."

"Perhaps."

"You sound quite downcast about the situation," she noticed.

"It's not something that comes easy when you're a man," he admitted, eyes resting on Neal and Will still standing. "Of course they'll accept me in whatever fashion I arrive in. But once you set fuel to the fire, many walls will be met. I study engineering with blokes every day. I'll have to work with men. One might find that it's really pressuring to have a bisexual man around them."

"Yes but that's just being prejudiced and full of bullshit," Regina said to him. "When I came out, well of course the media yanked me out of the closet, many people were disappointed and refused to speak to me directly in regards to affairs of Dazzle. But I didn't care. I was finally being myself and I'd rather be myself and lose friends than to fake my identity and have people rely on me. Truth be told though, I never really had friends to begin with."

"That makes sense. And you're my friend," he said to her. "So as long as you accept that."

"Oh I accept it," she smiled, reached out and rubbed his left arm. "And I'd like my friend, and possible son-in-law to also accept himself too."

"Bloody hell, you've jumped a mile already," he stared at her.

"You're a very decent guy. Compared to the trash he gets himself involved in."

"I find that he prefers to hang around people who make him feel a certain...thrill. Chad hates attachments and is afraid of it. In that area, I am aware of why."

"Because of his parents," I slipped myself in. Both of them looked at me. "He's seen how unhappy his parents were, growing up, so he doesn't want to commit to anyone."

"Exactly," Killian nodded.

"But what I have with you now," Regina said to me softly, "isn't that enough to sway his judgment?"

"You see, when a child is growing up, that phase in time is quite a remarkable one. At that stage in our life, we're like a sponge, soaking up everything our parents have to offer, what we see. So that when we eventually reach into our adult years, it's like those judgments have already been passed and nothing can change some things."

"I really need to speak with him," Regina said to Killian, "we haven't spoken to each other in a long time...about personal matters pertaining to him. After my divorce, it was all about me."

"Nothing is wrong with that," Killian said, "in every way possible, you're his inspiration from the moment he was born. And to help you through your roughest times, that's what he wanted to do. But I'd say go for it. Speak to him because he will only listen to you."

That night, the guys went their own way, just after eight and because it was Saturday night, she took me for a ride on her motorbike. It was the best way to wind down after all, to taste the wind and have it kiss your cheeks. Whipping my hair back, helmet on, hugging her from behind and chasing the lights on the sides of the road.

The Hudson River was to our left and we rode slowly, admiring the view and savoring the moments spent with each other.

I hated the fact that Killian still felt pressured to hold back who he really was and the very thought of him opening up to finding both men and women attractive; wasn't that supposed to make you a hundred times more awesome? Why were people so quick to judge others when we were simply trying to fit into our skin and be ourselves?

Do they have any idea how hard it is for us to accept feelings like that? To love someone within our own gender? Do they really think that it's a choice we make?

Did I make a choice to fall in love with Regina?

I didn't. I didn't make a choice at all. You guys are aware of how it happened. I got her call, went to pick her up and we just clicked. We began to talk about things, and she opened up to me, claiming that she didn't do that with her workers. It was so easy. It was easy for her to trust me and for me to trust her. I took her to meet my friends.

We climbed up this hill suddenly and then she was rushing out of the place. I followed and threw bait, and she kissed me. I didn't ask to be loved by her. I was feeling something. This had to do with feelings and if people really believed that we just CHOOSE to be the way we are then it's ridiculous. Because a person can't choose how they feel. It's like a general sense of people telling you to stop loving someone. How can you stop your heart from loving someone?

How could I ever stop myself from growing weak in the knees when I see her every single day at work? When she's just near her office door, clutching a folder or something and our eyes meet? And in that one moment, I realize that this was supposed to happen. We were supposed to let this happen and I swear to God, I never regretted any single second of it. I never did.

She rode down this dirt road, drawing nearer to the Hudson River where a few cars were parked. Obviously it was a hang out spot because no one really paid any attention to us since they were busy enjoying themselves anyway.

Just near a tree we parked, steadying the bike and staying there, sitting on it. Enjoying the breeze.

"Today was the best day I've had in a very long time," she entwined our fingers in front of her and inhaled deeply. "The last fantastic day that blew my mind was my birthday. When you took me out and we had ice cream. And we made love so passionately."

"I want to make love to you right now," I pressed my lips to her left ear, feeling how she trembled. "Can you imagine it? Right here? Facing the river. I wish we had a house right next to the river."

"Let's do that then," she said, as if it was that easy and it was possibly easy for her. Just that I couldn't imagine it. "Let's get a house by the river and a balcony facing this view. And then we can make love to each other whilst the wind kisses our naked bodies."

She took my breath away from those words alone.

I couldn't prolong the agony.

I just had to touch her somewhere, just to feel how she'd react to me. Wanting to make love to her so badly, because she was in my arms and her body was radiating with warmth. And all I could think about was touching her in all the right places.

That's what I did.

She gasped when my right hand slackened her belt and slipped into those skinny black jeans. Buried within the shadows whilst John Legend's 'Tonight' drifted from the back of a car, I tilted her neck and kissed soft skin that tasted oh so sweet. She moaned and rocked her hips to welcome my fingers. Grinding her butt upon the seat of the bike whilst I made love to her. Throwing her head back, eyes fluttering close and holding onto my wrists. Rocking with me. Feeling me inside of her.

"I'm going to..." she choked on her words, chest heaving.

"You're going to what?" I whispered into her left ear, thrusting deeper and feeling how wet she was, on fire too. "Say it to me. Go on."

"I'm going to come," her husky voice curled my toes.

"Then do that," I grazed my teeth on her exposed neck and felt how she closed up around my fingers, so tight and welcoming. "Harder. Over and over again."

"Emma..." she croaked before shaking eventually from orgasms, rippling through her entire body. Making her moan hoarsely, squeezing those soft thighs closer and moving upon the seat.

I held onto her and kept thrusting at a slow pace, until the pressure was building up again. And we went at it for such a long time, by the time it was over and I climbed over the edge as well, there was no way she could muster up the energy to ride back home immediately. So we stayed there for like an hour, talking about random stuff.

She told me about the book she was reading, 'The Portrait of Dorian Gray' which was known to be a gay book but I hadn't read it as yet. And very soon, we were just clinging onto each other and listening to the music not so far away.

"Ready to go?" she asked softly, taking a hold of my hips and pulling me in closer behind her.

"Ready when you are," I said, resting my chin upon her left shoulder and smiling. "My babe."


	21. She Wants Us To Come Out

**Excerpt:**

" ** _Emma, oh look at my fingers," from the corner of my eye, I saw her splay them out and she turned to look at me, "they're oh so ready."_**

" ** _Look, I don't want to crash my car, okay? I only repaired it two months ago and it cost a fortune," I reminded her._**

" ** _Well obviously this crappy oven would cost a fortune. It is by far the ugliest thing I have ever seen. In my life."_**

" ** _Just like your bike. But I never said it out loud," I joked in a serious tone._**

" ** _I'll remind you that it was on that very bike that we shared many moments together. And it was on that bike that you made love to me, by the river, over and over again. So do not insult my bike."_**

* * *

"So she's the one." Larry squeezed the red rubber apple between his fingers and watched Regina sign off the documents. "The one and only. The only one. The one you see yourself with like one hundred years from now."

"Oh would you please cease the chatter?" she showed him a smile, head still lowered as one of Snow's red pens moved across paper.

"You're just flustered, that's why. When I talk about her. When...anyone talks about her for that matter. Just last week Mally mentioned our department in the meeting. She talked about the good productivity, and how Emma..." he paused, and their eyes met, "...is one of the most diligent workers, producing good output. Calling up customers, making queries. She has a good feedback rate. And someone...was blushing."

Regina smirked. "I wasn't..." she rolled her eyes, "...blushing."

"Yeah you were and you know it."

He kept on squeezing the rubber ball, his eyes on her the whole time. She continued to flip through the report, signing off on every page. The sound of the pages flipping every once and awhile filled the silence apart from the humming of the A.C unit.

"Regina, how do you survive in here?" he glanced around and scowled at the unit just above the window. "This place is freezing. It's like a fridge or something."

"Get a suit jacket," she waved the pen at him warily, "I've told you the same thing often. Don't complain."

"Yeah but we never keep the thing up this high in our section. What are you trying to do? Turn yourself into an ice cube? For goodness sake, Regina."

Sighing, she reached out for the remote and pressed the A.C off. Then back to signing papers, the silence was resumed.

Ten minutes later and he just kept wondering. He wondered many things, like if she was really...gay because he had never seen her with Emma. No one had really seen them together in the office. Except for Mally who had gotten an eyeful but that was it. Everyone was aware of the fact that she was gay but there hadn't ever been a public display within the office that would add substance to the relationship.

Emma kept in her department.

She remained in her office.

To him, that was kind of terrible. Distance. At work. Then again, it must be necessary.

"So you're going to the gala this Saturday night?" he leaned forward and collected the documents after she had signed them. "You know, the one where we have to wear a tux and stand around awkwardly?"

"I've never been to any of Flames'...galas," she reminded him, sitting back in her red leather chair, practically the only chair in the entire office that wasn't green. Back stiff as a poker, Regina pursued her lips.

"It's usually nice. It's Mally's way of appreciating her staff."

"Yes but isn't that what salaries and bonuses are for?"

Larry laughed, He shrugged. "Aw come on, employees need to lighten up a bit. Mingle. Plus there's music, food..." She didn't seem convinced. "It's held at the Plaza Hotel," he pointed out, hoping to stroke a nerve. "All posh looking with fancy carpets."

"It's a waste of money, Larry," she stated matter-of-factly, fingertips pressed together, "and Mally is quite aware of this. Paying such expenses to spoil employees when we could be putting this into better use."

"Regina, at the end of the day, Flames wouldn't be Flames without these very same people that work here. That's why we need to focus on them. You know that already. Come on."

"She already gives the staff who work late shifts allowances to buy food on the weekends. In addition to that, donuts are passed around every single day. When has a dough...nut box been bought in here? Never. I have never -"

"Don't get jealous," he smiled at her. "You get take out on Fridays."

"My point is, the actuality of planning such an event is pointless."

"You'll get to see Emma dress up." He was trying to tease her. "She'll get to see her boss aka girlfriend dress up nicely too."

"Get out of here," she waved him off, gesturing to the door, "before I assign more duties to you. Go on."

"Why don't you come in and collect the other booklet later on?" he stood up and flexed his fingers. Larry loved teasing her. "That way, I can see you walk into the department and have your cheeks go pink when you see her sitting right there..."

"Oh shut up," she was already blushing, head lowered, fingers pressed upon her temples, elbow resting on the neatly organized desk.

The door was pushed open and Barbara reared her full head of gray inside. "Oh Miss Mills," she made an attempt to sing out, smiling widely, "Miss Mills. Are you available? Are you?"

"Please don't make me pelt you with my stress reliever rubber ball," Regina narrowed her eyes at her personal assistant and smiled barely. "What is it?"

"Your son is here to see you," Barbara smiled, "such a nice young man. We were just talking about Project Runway."

Sighing, she took a deep breath, felt her mobile vibrate upon the table and gestured warily. "Send him in, please. Thank you."

Xxx

It was me texting her.

There I was thinking up of some way to put a smile on her face and most likely it worked. I had no idea but suddenly, it dawned up on. What if she loved cat memes as much as I did? Could it be possible? We never talked about cats. My own cat had been staying over with Neal and Will because there was a no animal policy in the apartment building. But she must like cats, right? Who could hate those cute balls of fur that just wanted so much love?

Okay, I was beginning to sound like my mother.

So I scrolled through my cat album and found this really cute one with a kitten playing a guitar, standing up on its hind legs. It was a black cat, really fluffy and somehow because the little cutie had her hair color, I decided to give it a try.

I captioned it: **PLAY ME A TUNE, BABE.**

Less than two minutes later, I got back the kind of reply that you shouldn't get at work, at your desk and buried in silence with just the tapping of keyboards.

**I WANT TO PLAY A PARTICULAR PART OF YOU RIGHT NOW, DEAR.**

"So what we need to do is to sort by issue number, and start from the very first issue," Larry was explaining the project to us, "work our way down, based on the Excel file you have. Check the customer's status and then shortlist those that haven't been keeping up to date with their subscriptions."

Peter was mumbling, head lowered. At first I thought he was praying or something.

"Your job is to call the customer and try to convince them, as always, to pick up on the next issue. In your spreadsheet, you will also find -"

"Dude, hold up!" Peter protested, "I'm still writing here. Go slower."

Larry cracked a smile, leaning upon his desk. "This isn't high school or college, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, call me a wuss but I like to take notes," my next door neighbor gestured to himself, glancing around. "I take notes. I like to remember things, okay? Nothing's wrong with that."

"No," my supervisor agreed, still smiling. He was wearing a very bright green shirt, a black tie and black tailored pants. "Nothing is wrong with that. As I was saying. You will also find in the sheet, another column to make comments. If the..."

I yawned, stretched back in my chair and felt so tired. Eyelids heavy. Had coffee already and still, nothing. Nada. Just the humming of the A.C creating this hanging cloud that soothed my mind to sleep and all I wanted was to lie on my desk, head down, and doze off. But we had this project. I had 100 customers to handle and it pretty much looked like I'd have to call every single one since their status was dormant.

I mean, what the hell was happening to Flames?

Call me nosy but I worked there. I was aware of things. We worked in the system every single day and it appeared as if the magazine wasn't selling off as much anymore. Subscriptions were being dropped, no one was buying and no one was interested in Dazzle either. People seemed to be flocking to Glamour and I wondered if Regina was aware of this. Maybe that's why she had been so irritated these few weeks.

We were in July, teenagers were obsessed over television shows like The Vampire Diaries and no one was reading a freaking magazine. Probably Flames was being used as a fan or something, a knock around, on the toilet tank, or buried under the baby's toys, used to line the bottom of drawers.

But they had us.

I couldn't believe that it wasn't seen by me from that moment, the actuality of the downfall in business and what the outcome would be. Because we were so focused on our reports. We were sifting through data, calling up people and getting back sales but the conclusion wasn't good. It wasn't significant and Regina was on her nerves.

Before I relate to you what Flames did, I'll let you have the blushing moment first.

There came a point, just around one that afternoon when suddenly, her perfume filled the confinements of my cubicle. At first, I was contemplating if somehow the scent had rubbed off on my yellow shirt. Then that would be mysterious since I hadn't sniffed that lovely scent for the day because we left separately for work since she had a meeting at seven that morning. So what was it?

Rearing my head, I couldn't find her anywhere nearby and yet, the scent lingered on. Then just like that, I practically jumped out of my chair when the sound of her voice met my ears.

There she was, back bent as Anthony, three cubicles down, was explaining something to her.

How the hell could she have passed by without me being aware of that?

I stared.

Dark hair falling into her face, she was wearing a red pants suit with a black silk shirt. Her ruby earrings twinkled and the silver bangles around those slim wrists jingled, music in the silence around me.

"So these are all that I have to call," poor Anthony was explaining, one of my friends who had dark, curly hair and chocolate brown eyes.

"One hundred in total?" she confirmed, her voice rising an octave.

Apparently I wasn't the only one with that total of DORMANT subscriptions.

My eyes met Larry and he widened his, only meaning one thing. Regina was not in a good mood. Her presence there was something completely new because she never pried like that. She never came in and watched over our shoulders. We were like the geeks who lived under rocks and people passing this department would turn up their noses at our intelligence, our patience in handling data and computers. Somehow people fled from Excel. And I didn't know why. I loved Excel, handling formula and VLOOKUP and stuff.

"And you too?" she stared at Peter who's back was suddenly as stiff as a poker.

He cleared his throat. "Ninety, Miss MIlls."

Lucky bastard.

He had ten less than me.

"Miss Swan?" Her eyes were on me. I was washed over with shock, knees going weak. I couldn't breathe. "How many customers do you have to call?"

"Um..." what the fuck? I suddenly forgot how to say one hundred. "One..." I swallowed, "...one hundred," I ducked into my cubicle so she couldn't see me. "Miss MIlls," I added for formality.

I knew Larry was smiling, probably sinking into his damn chair because of my hesitation and sudden nervousness. He was probably laughing at me.

"This is ridiculous," I heard her mutter when two other colleagues confirmed over my total. Heels meeting the green carpeted floor, she went around to Larry's desk and her back was to me. "I need to see you, and all supervisors at five this afternoon. I'm calling a General Meeting with the office. And since Mally will be here, then obviously I couldn't time it most appropriately."

Five?

They carried on a conversation in heavy whispers and I realized that Peter was already calling his customers. Smart ass. Always the one to suck it up and start ahead of everyone else. Not a show off, per say, but just a goody two shoes version of a guy. Kissing Larry's boots, the supervisor's pet. Always taking precisely one hour for lunch, and arriving at the door on time. Always neatly dressed, never sleepy and every single female in the building blushed in his direction.

I had charm.

I know I had charm because customers liked me.

There I was, just about to call my first one when his face came into view above the cubicle wall. "Emma, I need you to do me a favor. Please, please, please, please."

"What's that?" I tapped away on my keyboard and was halfway through dialing this lady by the name of Maria Santiago Hernandez.

"Lemme take that call and you handle this guy. He's being a jackass with me. Asking me why the hell a guy would want to sell him a magazine."

On any other occasion I would have found it funny but in that moment, my nerves were telling on me. I had a whole freaking row to move down. He had his workload and was asking me to exchange. Not that it was a problem or anything but dude, if you have a list, then work with yours. It wasn't my problem that he ended up with a difficult customer.

"What difference would it make if I took the call?" I scowled at my computer screen.

"Look, I have him on HOLD, lemme transfer it."

"No," I heard myself say before realizing it. And at that moment, I knew something was wrong with me. It probably was the fact that tiredness had overwhelmed me. I was as irritated as Regina.

"I'll take yours," he pleaded. "Come on."

"I said no. Handle your own call. Not my problem."

"Geez," he leaned over some more, arms folded upon the top of the wall of the cubicle. "What's gotten into you?"

"I don't feel like doing it, okay?"

"You don't feel like doing what...Miss Swan?"

Well oh shit. I completely forgot that she was still in the room. That she was standing just in front my spot, right there by Larry. My fingers stopped tapping on the keyboard because I had lost control of my joints, muscles, cells and the ability to move thoughts through my brain.

"There's this guy on the phone that I called," Peter explained, pissing me off immediately, "and he's behaving crazy because a dude is talking to him about magazines. He says that he wants to speak to a female."

"And what's the problem?" Regina was standing right in front of me, and I couldn't look up.

"I asked Emma to take the call and I'd exchange with whatever number she's trying right now." He took a fucking dramatic pause. "And she said no."

"Is this true?" her voice was hoarse but laced enough with vice-like grips of anger that took a hold of my throat and squeezed.

"Hello? Yes, sir," Peter resumed the call and sat back down, leaving me and about five pairs of eyes to focus on the dilemma.

"I have my list, he has his," I explained, trying to stay calm, but still avoiding eye contact. "I don't see why I have to bargain with him when it should be his job to handle whatever call he has."

"Is this a competition?"

"No but -"

"Then why couldn't you have exchanged the call?"

"Because..."

"Miss Swan, this is one company we're all working for, need I remind you," she began, not so harsh tone but it was enough to affect me. "And there is no competition or...rivals here when it comes to working on...anything. Our only competitions remain outside this building." She gestured out there with one hand. I considered it and not her face. "For you to refuse the simple task at hand, to take this call because the customer sees it necessary to speak to a female, then it is out of order."

I nodded and swallowed.

"Our aim in here is to please the customer, not ourselves," she reminded me of part of Flames' mission statement. She was always the one who memorized every single thing by the book and used every line to shove it in people's faces when the need arose. Like now. "Do you understand me?"

I nodded. "I do."

"Then don't let it happen again. And I hope all of you heed to my words," she released her attention from me and directed it across the department. "I need you to finish your calls before leaving today. If five o'clock comes and you have a remaining ten, twenty, even two, I don't care how long it takes you to get the list done. But do it. Complete it."

"But I have an exam beginning at six thirty today," Anthony announced in a meek voice.

Brown eyes flicked to me. "Then whatever amount remains after you reach five, hand your list over to Miss Swan."

What.

No.

Hell no!

This wasn't high school! That was unfair and she didn't even consider me before leaving the department. Not even a glance or to call it off as a joke. Regina strode out of there without looking back whilst I sizzled up in my chair because Anthony was a slow worker. He was really, really slow. He spent so much time on the phone with customers, saying unnecessary things and obviously his number left over at five would be too much. Therefore I had to suffer for this?

I hated Peter with a vengeance that day.

I hated him so much, I ignored and cursed him so much in my mind. Even when Larry took Anthony's remaining workload at 5, sending me a sympathetic smile, I didn't soften up to my next door neighbor. Four of us remained whilst the jackass left early. Without saying a word to me, he got up, reached for his bag and headed out the door.

When Larry left at five thirty for the meeting, the department lights came on and the place grew so empty.

I watched the senior staff head into her office, just outside the door and still, even though she had spited me, there was no room in my heart to hate her. None. See how things had changed? I remember when that article had come out and she had scolded me in front of Ruby and a few other staff looking on about my forgetfulness in calling to reschedule an appointment. And I had been so pissed, so hurt.

Now honestly, I wasn't mad at her.

In fact, I loved her more and it was strange.

I sat there, calling customers and suddenly it dawned upon me that this was what Michael Bolton was singing about in 'When a man loves a woman'. All the time I used to listen to the song and wonder how stupid someone could be to allow love to weaken them like that. Having love cut you down so low that you literally wiped their shoes and licked it afterwards. But now I understood.

When her authority used to slightly intimidate me, now it kind of turned me on.

"And my son died," an old man was saying to me through the phone, the call marking ten minutes already, "Emma, is that your name?"

"Yes," I stared at the 80 customers already highlighted on my spreadsheet, completed. "That's my name, Mister Morris."

"My son died, Emma," he lived in Arizona, "just two months ago. Monty his name was. He was the one who subscribed me to the magazine, just to have them delivered here."

"I'm so sorry to hear about your loss," my tone was soft as I pinched my forehead. The place outside was growing dark already. "Are you still interested in subscribing again with us?"

"He was the one who used to read them," the old guy's tone was soft, "he used to pour over the models and outfits and it made him happy. He was gay, you know. He loved Flames since he was a boy, always trying to dress like his mother and the gals in the mags. Now he's gone and I don't think the subscription would be necessary."

"I'm so sorry to hear about this," I softened up, "he seemed like a really nice guy. I mean, if he loved Flames then he obviously was." There was me inserting the false belief in my 'company'. "Actually, you know what? I have an idea that might be really comforting to you."

"What's that?" I had piqued his interest.

"Do you like the magazine personally?"

"Well I was never a fan but I like to see the women in their fancy clothes. My wife does too. But you know how it goes. Every since he died, we kind of didn't want the mags around anymore."

"But I bet Monty would want you to read the magazines still," I tried to sound convincing. "I mean, he'd want you to keep that part of him alive. That he liked reading them."

He laughed. "Ah, you're a good marketer, you know that? Plus you don't sound fake like the other telemarketers. You sound genuine."

"Because I believe that certain things hold more value to us that we care to realize. I live miles away from my mother but I bought a copy of her Bible with me, one she used to read to me as a child. And I swear, just seeing the book makes me feel as if she's right there with me. And it's the best feeling of all."

"Sign...me...up...again," he decided and I could hear the enthusiasm in his voice. "I'd like to see these magazines again and you're right. Having them come every month would lift me out of those gloomy moments."

"Plus you can actually sit down and imagine what Monty would say about what the models are wearing. And if he'd like it."

He laughed. "Oh shucks. You're an angel. You know that? Thank you."

"No," I was warming up to him. "Thank you, Mister Morris."

It wasn't a lie. I did have mom's Bible with me. Well not on the bed Regina and I slept in but on the vanity next to where she rested her glasses and stuff.

I guess I didn't do so bad after all, huh?

That was the difference with me and I figure that Peter and the guys caught on pretty quickly. Even Larry. When they called up customers and tried to persuade them to do stuff whilst sounding robotic, I added a sprinkle of feelings and a whole lot of concern. I wanted to know why they didn't want to buy the magazine anymore. I felt that I had to know and I had to solve the problem.

At seven in the night, when my list was finished and saved in the MARKETING drive on the computer, it dawned upon me. There was Peter's excel file. I double clicked. I opened it. And the very first customer was still DORMANT with the comment: **_he doesn't want to buy the magazine anymore_**.

Why? I wanted to know why. And so, feeling confident, I dialed the number and connected to Carl.

Seven thirty came and I managed to have him subscribe again, simply because he wanted to speak to a woman for personal reasons. He wanted to know if Zac Efron would be in our August issue and didn't want to ask a guy because according to him, that would make him sound gay. I couldn't help it. I lowered my head in the cubicle and had a good fit of giggles since my other two colleagues had obviously left whilst I was on the call.

Somehow, the serenity around me in that huge building, with a lack of hustle and bustle, it kind of made me feel glued to my seat. I sat there and played a round of Soltaire idly, my backpack already zipped up.

"Are you sleeping here?" Her voice made me jump in my chair and I straightened up. "Are you going to leave me alone in bed tonight? Or are you coming home?"

Trying to control my breathing, I collected my bag and pressed off the CPU. Then rising from my seat, I noted that she wasn't carrying her handbag.

"I'm still in the meeting," her voice was husky, smiling wryly at me.

"No you're not," I said matter-of-factly. "You're right...here. With me."

"Clearly I am. Or am I really?" an eyebrow was arched. Regina smirked. "We're still at it in there." She gestured behind her and sighed. "But I excused myself, to come check on you. Just to see how you managed your extra workload."

Slightly cross, I pressed my lips shut and began to move to the door.

"Are you mad at me?" she was so close, reaching out to take my left shoulder. "Speak to me."

"Look," I turned around and inhaled deeply, "I'm not mad at you. It's just that I found it unfair. And I have my reasons. He's always doing it to me, dishing off the people he can't handle. In my direction."

She used cupped fingers to caress my face. "Have you told Larry?"

"No," I admitted, head lowered. 'Because I'm that nice. I'm always the compassionate one, doing stuff for people when they should be doing it themselves. Feeling sorry for people."

"I know that," she was concerned. "Would you like me to speak to Larry about this?"

"It's okay," I sighed, shoulders hunched. "I don't need a babysitter, especially the boss."

Regina stepped up closer to me, and I knew that the camera wasn't focused in our direction but it was risky. But she didn't care. She didn't care if anyone saw us resting our foreheads together in the dimly lit department. She didn't seem to care at all when our fingers entwined and a door opened somewhere. No.

"I'm not...trying to be your babysitter," her warm breath kissing my face "Emma, I'm trying to be so much more. Don't you know that by now?"

"I know that," I whispered, finding it hard to breathe when our lips brushed. "Trust me."

"Today I was really irritated. I still am. As you're aware. Certain things inside these walls are gnawing away at my mind. My patience is stretched thin."

"You just need to relax," I raked my fingers through her dark hair, "you really can't stress yourself out, especially since the headaches are coming back. A little too often now."

"I'm taking pills," she gazed at my lips. The air remained cool from the A.C unit that was turned off about twenty minutes ago but it couldn't wipe away how warm she made me feel.

"That's still not okay," and concern welled up inside of me. "You're not supposed to take pills, remember?"

"Yes but I needed to."

"You shouldn't...need...to...take...them."

Regina sighed, head lowered. I pushed back her dark hair softly and considered such a beautiful face. A distinct shade of brown eyes that appeared gold in the sunlight and like melting chocolate on any other occasion.

"I have to get back to the meeting," she gestured with her thumb, and I didn't waste any time. Wrapping my arms around her, she was pulled in, our bodies meeting, connecting on a whole other level than what other people would experience. This was more of a soul deep love, the kind to make blood rush through your veins, a beating heart that weakened knees.

"When are you going to get home?" my voice was just a whisper.

Someone pushed the door open, just outside the glass and behind her. And from the moment that happened, I quickly stepped away from her. Just about a foot, awkwardly staring down at the carpet, reaching up to tuck strands of my hair behind an ear.

It was a supervisor from the Accounts department downstairs.

The woman stared our way, then she smiled at Regina who had turned around immediately. When Mrs. Johnson walked off, probably heading to the washroom just a few doors away, I was stared at.

"I don't know if she saw us," I said, growing nervous.

Regina did the one thing I never expected. Frowning at me, my hands were taken into hers. "I don't care if she saw us."

Somehow it astounded me. "Really?"

"Yes. Really. They must know about us some day. I've already been shoved out the closet. But there is one question left. And that question is directed at you." She paused, allowing me to grow really, really nervous. "The question is, are you ready to claim yourself as my other half, both in here and publicly?"

I couldn't breathe somehow and it was puzzling. "We were out in Dazzle. It kind of surprises me that no one knows here...as yet."

"Oh they do know," she confessed. "Especially the senior staff. When Robin and my mother know something, it gets around. And when it comes to the other staff, perhaps it is still in its...rumor stage. But eventually substance will be added. Or I'd like that."

My chest heaved. "So you want us to make it known to them?"

"Emma, I am not ashamed of you or what we have. Or what we feel for each other. Or what we do in the privacy of our apartment. Whatever they wish to speak about then let it be so."

"But I have to actually work around them," I reminded her. "Not that I don't want everyone to know but it's kind of harder on me because you're mostly in your office all day and dealing with the respectful senior staff whilst I'm stuck with the guys like Peter and those bitches who work in Accounts."

"That's your decision then." She gazed at me. Something wasn't right about the tone of her voice. It wasn't that firm. "I've already made mine."

"Regina..." I said softly, immediately feeling conflicted, how she felt about my words compared to what I really meant. "It's not that I don't want to tell the world about us."

"But..." she nodded, the expression on her face bland, but I knew, I knew that something was going on in there. I knew that her heart was feeling something.

"But I need time."

"I don't...have...time."

"Don't say that," I stopped her. "Don't you dare say that to me right now?" And it was my turn to have the crackle in my voice. Suddenly, there I was thinking about something that wasn't supposed to even be in my mind. The fact that those four words opened up a wound. I couldn't hold back the tears. One slipped out. "Fuck," I muttered, and inhaled deeply, reaching up to press the heels of my palms upon wet eyes.

"Emma," my shoulders were taken and her finger lifted my chin, "sweetheart, what did I do?"

"Please don't ever say that to me again," I whispered, our eyes meeting. I couldn't breathe. "Promise me that you wouldn't."

"What's going on in there?" her voice was softer than mine, pulling me into the shadows, just by the green cabinet where we stored files on subscriptions up to that day and age. "Let me in into your heart, your head, everywhere."

When I didn't speak, she wrapped her arms around me and I buried my face into dark hair, bodies pressed together. I didn't want to let her go. I didn't want her to go into that meeting again, but to stay with me. Love could make you so selfish, that you didn't care about anything else but the way that one person made you feel.

"Lizzie," I whispered into her left ear. "That's how she broke the news to me that she...had cancer."

Regina pulled my face to the front, our eyes meeting. The pain within my heart, everything I felt, could be seen as understood by her immediately. It was like I was gazing into a mirror, someone who could quickly understand me, no matter what.

"We had this fight. And then when I said, 'look, when you're not mad at me, no matter how long it takes for that to happen, I'll lend you the book'. It was a Nancy Drew book. She said...those four words. Well technically it's five words but..."

"Oh sweetheart," she croaked, fingers splayed across my cheeks, resting our foreheads together, "that's not right at all. To relate the most devastating news to someone you truly care about. That's horrible."

"It was."

"I am so sorry," her chest heaved. "Can you forgive me for such an...awful misuse of words...on my part? Clearly I wasn't thinking straight and -"

"You're forgiven and you've never been thinking straight since you met me," I cracked a smile.

We lingered in that moment of intimacy for some time. Our lips met softly, eyes fluttering close. I tasted how sweet she was, warmer than ever and completely weakened from the kiss. Regina leaned in and I held her around the waist, pulling us together as close as possible. Feeling how she moaned from being with me. It was enough to take me out of the building and into a place where no one else existed but us.

"I have..." she moved her lips away an inch, chest heaving, "Emma, I have to go."

"Don't go," I pleaded with my eyes, fingers curling into her soft hair. "Stay with me. Let's go home."

"I...can't," she was so hoarse, eyes tearing up. "The meeting."

My throat ached and I swallowed, diverting my eyes. I inhaled. "Yeah, sure. The meeting."

Of course she had to go. It was a General Meeting, with the supervisors and everything, discussing the future of the company. Not the future of us. Nothing about us, but this other part of her life that she had so much passion for. Loving her job sometimes as much as she loved me and even more.

"Emma..."

I stepped out from the wall and her and gathered up my backpack, lips bitten. "I'll see you at home. Bye."

"Emma."

"They're waiting on you," I said, gesturing to the door of her office, tears filling my eyes. I actually smiled. "Get in there and be the most amazing Vice President you are. Later."

She was just standing there.

I left her standing there, arms hanging at her sides. Staring at me. Lips parted.

Getting into the elevator, just as the doors swished close, our eyes met. She had gotten out of my department and was still looking at me. I lowered my eyes and inhaled deeply, hugging myself. And then, the bottom floor was reached.

George was on duty that night, a guard that was tall as Michael Jordan and so fit, his arms were bulging. The guy had been an athlete in Kenya, with a bald head that shone as if well oiled.

"Emma, you work so late?" I was greeted, in the process of scrubbing my eyes dry. "How you work so late? They pay you overtime? Why you crying?"

"I'm not crying," I lied, smiling up at him as a huge hand rested on my back and guided me towards the double doors. "The A.C affects my eyes."

"Mama never raised a fool," he told me softly, "mama raised a gentleman and a gentleman knows when a lady cries. You're crying."

"It's nothing," I waved it off, knowing to myself that it was kind of ridiculous to be showing so much emotion anyway. "I just had a frustrating day at work. I'll be okay."

"Of course you will. You're a strong, strong young woman. Anyone whose head can grow out beautiful blonde hair, their brain is strong. I always say."

I laughed at that. "Right."

"You have a good night."

"You too." I waved and headed out the doors, already pulling my keys out, the yellow bug parked just around the block because earlier in the day, traffic was heavy and I couldn't park in front of the place nor get into the parking lot.

I mean, she had a right to do what she wanted. That wasn't on me. That wasn't my decision. It was her job. It was what she was paid to do. And I couldn't tell her what to do. But no matter what, I always felt the same damn way about this place. Knowing that when I got in there, Flames was in front of me.

Maybe that's what Neal had been talking about some time ago when I shouted at him and had to apologize immediately. Because it hit a nerve basically. It hit a nerve because he had said that I was committed to a woman who was equally committed to her job. And what I was missing out was being committed to a person who had more free time on their hands, not a super boss who worked her ass off.

But there were people who were married to Marines, men and women of service who went away for months. There were people who worked two jobs and hardly saw each other to make love. Some people were stuck in Mexico whilst their spouse was over here in the USA and I was complaining? What the hell was wrong with me? I was being so selfish and I couldn't stop it. I had to stop it. I had to stop being so stupid, so bitchy and emotional about stuff. Because that's what made good things come to an end; the fact that you could have everything in your grasp and because of being ungrateful, love became like sand.

It slipped through your fingers.

I unlocked the car and tossed my backpack in with a vengeance, hating myself and not her.

I slammed the door and got around to the driver's side, yanking open the door.

The sound of heels hitting the concrete shot my heart in the dark.

Just under the glow of the lamp on the post, my face obviously went white as chalk. Because I knew what was happening before my body processed the urge to turn around.

"Emma!" she called.

Spinning around, my heart raced when Regina came running to me. Hair fluttering in the night wind, brown eyes wide. She was clutching her brown handbag and that was the observation that made me feel like I was going to melt onto the road. As busy as the street was, I couldn't mask my shock.

She came to stand in front of me, completely breathless, chest heaving, gazing into my eyes.

"What are you doing?" I felt my eyes tear up, just as hers were.

"Don't leave me, my Romeo," she said, coming to stand in front of me.

"Juliet, what did you do?" I stared.

"I'm aware of all the dramatic moments in...the movies..." she couldn't breathe properly, "and..." Regina swallowed, taking a hold of my shoulders, "...I am aware of the times when these...romantic moments happen. When the...guy...or girl...whichever one is most...suitable. When he leaves...every single thing behind...and he chooses...her. He runs...and he leaves...and he just..." her lips quivered, "he chooses her over anything."

"Regina," I whispered, knowing that people were considering us but I didn't give a fuck, "this is not a movie. This is about your job and it was a General Meeting."

"This is about...you," she said to me, resting our foreheads together. "I don't want my job over you. I want you before my job. I don't care if they don't pay me. I have a bank account to fall back on."

I laughed, wrapping my arms around her.

"I don't want to be compensated for anything else in this life than to be rewarded by the intensity of what we have. I would do...anything for you. Anything, Emma."

"And I'd -"

She covered my parted lips with her fingers. "I know already. I was aware of that even before we met. When you chose to leave everything just to pick me up at the airport. I know."

I kissed her lips tenderly.

"And this is the first meeting I have ever walked out of."

"What did they say? What was your excuse?" I was so curious, wondering how they would function without her.

"I don't need an excuse. When it is made clear by me that there is a need to leave, I leave. Mally took over from where I left off and so did the others."

"My wonder woman," i smiled and felt so mushy inside. "My bae."

'Don't...bae...me", she slapped my right arm and went around to the other side of the car. "I hope you know that equal to the overtime I would have received during the hours spent at work, my time needs to be compensated. By you."

"I get that," the engine was started and I swung into traffic.

"I need you to make love to me," she actually dared to tell me whilst I was at the freaking wheel, eyes turned my way. "I need you to rip off my clothes, take me into the shower, and make love to me so hard, I am oh so hoarse tomorrow."

"Do you want me to crash this thing?" I stopped breathing. "Geez."

"I need your mouth on me, Emma."

"Regina!" I cried, glancing at her with wide eyes. She was smirking. She was actually smirking at me. "What are you trying to do?"

"I'll be so submissive for you tonight, dear."

"Hell yeah you will!" I stopped at a red light and turned to her. "After talking dirty to me like this. Plus...getting all authoritative on me earlier, increasing my workload."

"I need to be punished."

"Yeah..." I nodded, our eyes still locked. "You do need to be."

"I was doing a bit of light reading, per say, during my lunch break which lasted for exactly fifteen minutes today," she inhaled deeply. "And I stumbled upon this article that separated orgasms into two categories. A full body orgasm and a lower region orgasm -"

"Oh God," I stared at the side of her face as she faced front, "seriously?"

"And ever since we've been together and you've made love to me, I have always...experienced the ones that move through my entire body. It is capable of driving some people mad since it -"

"Regina, if you don't stop -"

"Since it takes you to another level, mentally, that weak hearts cannot bear," she continued. "Oh, I'm sorry. Am I distracting you?"

Someone honked behind me and I realized that the light had changed. Pitching forward, I fought to concentrate.

"Are you wet?"

I ignored her, trying to breathe.

"Emma, oh look at my fingers," from the corner of my eye, I saw her splay them out and she turned to look at me, "they're oh so ready."

"Look, I don't want to crash my car, okay? I only repaired it two months ago and it cost a fortune," I reminded her.

"Well obviously this crappy oven would cost a fortune. It is by far the ugliest thing I have ever seen. In my life."

"Just like your bike. But I never said it out loud," I joked in a serious tone.

"I'll remind you that it was on that very bike that we shared many moments together. And it was on that bike that you made love to me, by the river, over and over again. So do not insult my bike."

I shrugged, knowing my cheeks were red. "Don't insult my car."

"Have we ever made love in this thing? No. No we have not. There isn't even enough room in the back," behind her was scrutinized with a scowl. "We'd hurt each other if it was attempted."

"Can we go back to the orgasm topic or something?" I loved my car and I didn't want it to be insulted before the engine's feelings got hurt and gave up on me.

"Oh so now you wish for me to explain the article?" I was sassed, her head swaying. "No. I'd rather demonstrate what I read to you when we get home."

I swallowed hard. "They...give you...tips in the article?"

"Yes." She nodded. "And I need to experiment on you."

"Do I look like the type of woman to take any experimentation from you?" I stared at her. "What you do already, literally makes me..."

"Wet?" Regina smiled sweetly.

"We're almost there," I reminded her. "And trust me, I'll make you pay for insulting my car, and...Engaging me in foreplay...mentally, whilst sitting a foot away."

"A foot and three inches."

"You...measured...it?"

"I always measure my distance away from you. I'm like an astronomer in a manner of speaking. And you're the earth whilst I'm the sun that sets you on fire."

"Wow," I scoffed. "Just...wow. Where did you get that? From a pickup line list?"

"No! I just made it up, right here!"

"I'll check your phone history tonight."

"Don't you dare. I don't want you to stumble across my intense research on lesbian sex."

I turned to be graced with a wide smile, tilting her head at me.

"Regina, you're...an...amazing...piece of work. Seriously."

"Why, thank you, dear."

I ran my car through a red light and the honking of horns somehow made her laugh maniacally.

Xxx

The staff party was held in August, I believe that it was on the 29th but could be wrong.

It was much debated on, according to Regina because the company was trying to cut back on expenditure. But Mally insisted that revenue be spent on her little dolls working at Flames. So it happened. At six that night, the hall that was rented in the Plaza Hotel eventually filled up with coworkers of mine. And walking in there, I realized one thing, that I didn't know or had never seen half of them.

There I was, wearing an outfit I felt comfortable in; a baby pink blouse that had a turtleneck and butterfly wing sleeves. A pair of skinny black jeans and knee high black boots. Light makeup, watermelon lip gloss and pink star studded earrings.

By then, Peter was still considered an ass by me but he was part of the gang from my department and I hung with them for most of the night. We stood right next to the bar, a beer in everyone's hands and sipped, whilst making jokes about the other staff we were familiar with. Especially Barbara who grew really tipsy around seven and pulled Larry out for a dance, sweeping him across the floor with grace.

"She's going to detach his legs and arms," Anthony choked with laughter. "Poor Larry."

"Babs might just take him home," Peter joked and I snorted behind my bottle of beer. "He might be lucky tonight after all."

Very soon, Peter was snatched from next to me by the older version of my mother and he pleaded at us with his eyes to save him. Melting into the corner, the guys and I hid our laughter whilst the room applauded.

And then, even though she had arrived with me, I lost sight of Regina. Then when she was spotted again, Mally was keeping her company, surrounded by three other men I had never seen before. Three suits. Black tuxedos. Eyes hard. They were all chatting, but my babe was listening without speaking, nodding every once and a while. And then our eyes met.

I swear, she could always do that to me.

Our eyes would meet from across a distance like now, and it felt like the first time we had met. When she had smiled at me, and I felt things fitting into place. Regina melted my heart in that moment, holding a glass of her choice of poison, obviously Bourbon. And she gazed at me without looking away.

When I did look away, it was because Peter was pelted into our corner whilst Babs moved onto someone else. He was breathless, immediately telling us how she was sweaty and smelled like cookies and it was like dancing with his grandmother.

"To which she didn't feel that way," Jack said, a blonde guy from my department. "She was sending you heart eyes."

"Oh shut up," Peter waved it off, "she's not my type. Larry can have here."

"Ey, Larry!" Mark, one of my other colleagues called out, waving at our supervisor, "come nearer, buddy. Come on."

He was pulled in and the questions began. How did Barbara make him feel? Was he aroused? I was so lost in the conversation, I had no idea that the music had died down. And Larry was laughing at their jokes, not finding them offensive at all.

Suddenly, it was Anthony who stiffened up and stared behind me. I didn't know what to make of it. So there I stood, watching him as he watched whoever was behind me.

"Miss MIlls," Peter said, clearing his throat. "You look so lovely tonight. I love your dress. Red really suits you."

Their eyes were on the swell of her breasts as usual but I turned around and made eye contact immediately. My heart was beating so fast. Because she was so close to me, like a foot away and I couldn't hide my feelings. I couldn't hide the fact that I was affected by her being so near. Literally burning up.

"Thank you, dear," she licked her lips but kept all attention on me.

"Miss...Mills," I said in a small voice, and blinked several times.

What was happening?

Why was she suddenly here just like that?

"Emma, will you do me the honor of having us share the...next dance?" her voice was so steady, so throaty and she looked so composed whilst I was falling apart.

I was melting, yet frozen inside and my voice was gone. Suddenly I couldn't speak. The entire room slanted a bit, my head growing fuzzy and everyone grew silent. Everyone. Unless it was me alone. I could feel everyone casting their eyes our way, and yet...

Yet Larry was smiling.

I nodded.

That's all I could do.

I nodded and bit my lips.

She was about to pull me into a roller coaster of feelings, that would be displayed to everyone around us eventually. And Regina seemed to not care at all.


	22. And I Find A Ring In The Closet

**Excerpt:**

" ** _I've told you before, Regina," I said, trying to breathe but I couldn't, "put yourself in my shoes and see how you'd feel. Understand why I...magnify things. Because you're still married to your work, you leave room for doubts, we hardly talk and then something like this happens. What the hell was I supposed to think?"_**

" ** _That I am in love with you, I am your partner, and I would never cheat on you?" her voice was small but firm._**

" ** _I never said -"_**

" ** _That's what you thought," she croaked. "Wasn't it? You thought I was cheating on you."_**

**_I couldn't even reply because it was the truth._ **

* * *

Somewhere in between shock and complete fright, I found the focus inside of me to steady myself. To entwine my fingers with hers, the room slanting as she led me into the middle with a sea of eyes upon us. Faces that registered unbelievable expressions and a few were smirking. Mally was gloriously thrilled. Even when the whispers began, she kept on smiling, her gaze resting on me. And in that moment, I realized that probably, she had known of this planned move from a very long time before.

It had to be planned.

Regina wasn't the type of woman to act on impulse. She wanted things to be detailed and arranged, knowing of a definite start and finish, no surprises. So for her to do this to me, it had to have been thought of before.

As the music lingered in the intro, Lionel Richie's 'Say You, Say Me', her hands draped over my shoulders and our eyes met. Immediately I kept thinking that this is what she wanted. This is what she really wanted and I had to give in. I couldn't back out. I couldn't conceal my feelings. Because can you imagine hiding the way that one person made you drown in love right before everyone's eyes?

How could I rest my hands upon her hips, feel the fabric of that red satin dress and maintain composure? Her perfume was already doing things to me, like fingers whispering pathways across my skin and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't divert my eyes from hers. I couldn't do it.

With just an inch of distance between us, Regina bewitched my mind once again, our bodies swaying side to side.

"Don't worry," she mouthed smiling at me, lips parted.

"Really?" I stared back. "That's easy for you to say."

"Just think of me," she said, "look at me. And nothing else. Nothing else, matters. In this moment."

About a minute into the song when Mally decided to pull her husband onto the dance floor, Regina closed the distance between us. Her hands wrapping around my waist and drawing me nearer. So near, I could taste the kiss of her warm breath and feel the heat generating from a body consumed with passion. The fire in her brown eyes couldn't be compared to the lick of flames within my mind. In all manner of speaking, I was hypnotized by her radiance, as if we were meeting for the first time. And I immediately was aware of everyone who had at least some intelligence embedded in their brains could decipher what was going on.

I could already hear the guys' questions buzzing in my ears.

But everything was placed on mute, was shut out when she braved all odds and leaned in. Our lips brushed. My eyes fluttered close and in that moment I couldn't even compose myself. I couldn't conceal how breathless she made me feel. The urge to linger in the touching of our lips for a little longer. Making that connection and savoring it for as long as I could. And when she finally kissed me, my knees grew so weak.

Of course there were a few gasps, and the whispers struck up like the beginning of a tune played by an annoying band. But I couldn't care less. I was so captivated by the way she was kissing me, the way her lips tasted, nothing else mattered. The beating of my heart, the roaring in my head and my fingers curling into her dark, choppy hair. Keeping us so close and never letting go.

It felt like Heaven.

Not that I was even aware of what Heaven felt like. But it was like an out of body experience. Actually elevating my soul to a point where I could actually envision what we appeared like to the others from the sidelines and from above. So that when we finally pulled apart, resting our cheeks together, I felt her throaty moan and sighed.

"Are you still up in the clouds?" her voice was a whisper.

I inhaled deeply, hugging her so close. "Floating."

"Same."

"Who're the two guys in the suits?" I was suddenly puzzled, my mind constantly drifting back to them.

She pressed her warm lips to my right ear. "Two of the wealthiest Directors on the Board. Obviously here to step into operations with their classy shoes, just to assess the damage the women have done in running the company. That is now on a downhill roll."

"But it wasn't your fault."

"There's more to it than meets the eye."

"Oh?" I brought my face to the front and studied hers.

"Not the kind of setting to speak about the internal affairs of the company," she reminded me. I nodded and sighed, eyes lowered. "But...don't you worry. Concentrate on what you have to do. In your department. And...me", I was given a bright smile.

"That's kind of why I'm asking. Because it's really about you too."

"What is?" She actually pretended to not understand where I was coming from.

"Flames," I said. "Just like Dazzle, Flames is part of you."

It was her turn to sigh, obviously giving into my words. "Yes. It is, isn't it?"

"And in more ways than one, whatever happens to the company, it will affect you."

She gazed into my eyes for a long time before leaning in. And when she did lean in, her lips pressed into my right ear again. I felt her breathing and shivered inside. It was like the tremble of a leaf when kissed with the whisper of the wind. Freshly kissed from the morning dew. Her lips were always painted red, reminding me of rose petals curled up. The kiss of a rose.

"Emma, we have to lay off people," she held me so close, face buried into my blonde hair. "We have to let people go. Terminate their contracts. And the worst part is, Mally has made deals with foreign investors that have left her bankrupt. Never paying back."

My eyes were growing wide but I managed to control myself, knowing that we were still being observed. Most of them were like hawks now, hooded eyes that stared on as we prolonged the intimate touching and connection.

"Those suits are here to investigate the trail of funds and to forensically delve into paperwork. Obviously trying to unearth some kind of a scam."

"That you're not involved in," I confirmed, holding my breath. 'So you have nothing to worry about."

"Yes, that's true. But Mally is my best...friend," she told me, her voice trembling slightly. "And I have always been by her side as she has been with me. Therefore I will do whatever it takes to assist her."

There it was again, the part of her life that we never spoke about. The little metal box with the rusty padlock that could never be opened. The fact that she had this undying love and trust for her best friend who had also been her lover. A woman who sparkled those brown eyes that oftentimes reminded me of melting chocolates. A person who really caressed the innocent heart of a young woman that just needed to be freed. And sometimes I just wanted to know a little more. I was curious. But curiosity killed the cat. I didn't ask questions. I left it that way.

"No criminal charges are involved," she tried to soothe my worry. "Just the evidently bothersome debt that is never paid. So if court action is sought out, we will not be forced to defend ourselves. The other part will have to arm up their excuses as to why certain funds were not replenished, certain deals were not upheld."

I didn't reply.

We danced some more, she let me go after another kiss, her eyes lingering on me as if sensing that I was still worried. As if worried for me as well. And I retreated to the corner where the guys were, completely lost in my own thoughts and wondering about the company laying off people.

I couldn't tell anyone about it.

Most times, whenever she told me stuff about Flames, I couldn't ever relay what was said to anyone else. It was confidential but the guys weren't stupid. They were smart enough to pick up the signals. That the company was crumbling and for some odd reason. Because Flames wasn't a bad magazine. Flames was ten times better than Dazzle. Everyone loved Flames because of its saucy content and bold outfits. Everyone adored Mally. But somehow something went wrong and they were trying to cut back on even translating the magazine into Spanish and French. And they were losing sales.

"I hate you," Anthony whispered, taking a hold of my arm and pulling me in. "Emma, I hate you for not telling us that you had the V.P as your girlfriend."

"Jesus Christ," Peter's eyes were as wide as saucers. "Just...fuck. And you never said...anything. Damn you, Emma. Oh my God."

"Easy there, boys," Larry patted me on my back, "Emma is still recovering from what has happened just now. Let her breathe."

"You could have said", Peter couldn't give up. "We wouldn't have judged you, you know."

"Yeah, we wouldn't have. Respect, man," Jack lifted a fist in my direction, waiting on me to bump it. I did, but absentmindedly, smiling anyway. "We envy you. Miss Mills is hands down, the hottest woman I have ever seen. I can't believe you two were happening right under our noses and we had no idea."

"Just goes to show how you underestimated Emma," my supervisor still kept near to me. "She beat all of you to the game, didn't she?"

"She did," Peter was gawking. "When did you two hook up?"

"Last year," I said.

"Damn," Anthony scratched the back of his head. "What's it like to be with someone like her? Is she bossy as she is with us with you?"

"I like her when she's bossy," I tilted my head and smiled.

"Jesus." Peter still gawked.

I was getting a Coke when a familiar face showed up. It was Ruby. She was wearing this sexy red dress that hugged her curves, lips stained bright red and a pair of black killer heels.

"When was the last time I saw you, Rubes?" I stared and she reached out to take my hands, towering above me by like two inches.

"Not in like forever! Well, HR has me busy. Most times I see you but you're never working the same shift as mine."

"Right," I nodded, remembering that she was constantly on the 2pm to 11pm shift to cover for those customers in time zones that differed from New York. "How have you been?"

"Awesome. It's good to see you though. So good. Even better to see you dance with Regina and all that." Her eyes were warmer. "Geez, I just get teary thinking about it. What she's been through. What she has now. And it's you. Shit." Reaching up, her cupped fingers wiped the corners of her eyes. "We started together, you and me."

"I can never forget those days," I smiled. "Never, ever."

"Two to eleven is fucking me up though," she rolled her eyes. "I asked to have a change but they can't accommodate it and shit. I'm looking for other openings. Sent out a couple resumes."

"Crap," I frowned.

"Plus I hear that they're going to be laying off people soon. Well it seems so." I didn't contribute to that. I remained quiet. "But you'll be the last to get fired. Duh." I was winked at. "She'll fight for you. Or find something better."

Shrugging, I hugged her and she promised to have us meet for lunch sometime soon. Ruby was amazing in all respects. She had her head on most of the time and was probably the best secretary anyone could ever have working for them. Her experience would be so recognizable. The way she juggled so many calls, appointments and kept that mind of hers ticking, it had been a fantastic opportunity to work beside her. Knowing that she didn't ever take her job lightly but pushed the bars up to reach higher limits, standing up for herself too. I actually missed her so much.

The social event lasted up to ten o'clock and then everyone began to clear out.

I have no idea how Mally and I ended up sitting at a table by ourselves, but it suddenly happened and maybe I was a bit tipsy on beer. It was the sudden quietness about me that brought on that thought because when intoxicated, my composure grew firmer. This shell was created and by all means, I retreated in there to be observant instead of vulgarly displaying any antics. Unless Mally sparked up a joke to make me laugh. Then I would loosen up a bit. However, she was suddenly sending me this look that suggested so much more than a friendly one and I had no idea what to make of it.

Regina was at the bar, leaning on the golden painted counter and conversing with a young man who was slightly flushed from her company. I considered her smiles and fingers curled around a glass of red wine. It made me smile.

"We were fourteen," Mally said.

I glanced at her, still smiling and didn't catch on.

She lifted her glass of champagne in Regina's direction, lips pressed together. "We were together for four complete years. And then afterwards...it's sad to say that Robin was forced upon her like a bad case of the pox."

I blinked, remained silent. So we had arrived at that topic and I had no idea how. Four years? Woah, that was long.

"We knew each other since we were toddlers," Mally smiled, her eyes still glued on Regina. "Well...we're some amount of years apart. But I could distinctly remember her when she was a baby and Cora would bring her over to my father's house. I used to read to her, color her cheeks with my mother's pink makeup."

Laughing at that together, I rested my glass of Coke upon the table. "So she had makeup tips since then."

"It would seem so, wouldn't it?" Mally took a sip of champagne. "Then again, I taught her most of what she knows know."

"Like?" I was curious.

"Well for starters, how to line her eyes correctly. How to use the right foundation and powder." She smiled, her eyes shining. "Then I advised her on what path to take in her studies. In fact, we were always as close as sisters after we..."

The silence slipped on and i waited.

Mally chuckled and shook her head. "After we...had a romance...per say," she turned to me and winked. "If you must know, it was mostly an experimental phase for both of us. We were so...close, Emma. From childhood, she developed a crush on me. And I selflessly returned her feelings. But after realizing that her mother had other plans for her, I was threatened to separate ways from her daughter, and so we dissolved what we had."

"Wait, Cora threatened you?" I leaned forward and stared.

"Yes. Told me to back off or else she'd see to it that I didn't get accepted into Harvard. Daddy wasn't rich but I was offered a scholarship. So her threat wounded me. And I...broke Regina's heart."

The silence that stretched on between us consisted of me staring at her. She blinked at Regina who laughed at something the bartender said.

She broke Regina's heart.

She was really Regina's first love and somehow, they were so deeply connected, they put aside the past and continued as best friends.

"It was known and understood by her that we could never...continue." It was if she had read my mind. "Regina wanted me to do whatever it took to get myself into Harvard. To follow my dreams. And life has a funny way of unfolding, doesn't it?" I was stared at. "Up to this day, we still remain such close companions. There is no tension between us. Never was. I oftentimes think back on that moment of our lives, and I see it as just a memory. Something we brushed under the mat to arrive here. To arrive at a place where she turns to me as her friend and am I a contented friend. Yes?"

Her glass was lifted to me now.

"Because she has found you."

Whilst I was smiled at, my eyes diverted to meet Regina's and my neck warmed slightly. She was telling the bartender something about me, from the looks of it and he was smiling.

"Regina is so in love you, Emma," Mally said from across the table. "You're the woman she has been dreaming about for all her life. Her Princess Charming. And many people claim that they cannot find the...perfect man or woman. But in her case, I think she has been so lucky."

"Well..." I tilted my head and played with the pink petal that had become detached from a flower. The vase was the color of the sun in the morning.

"Just so you know, if you ever break her heart, I will hunt you down and give you a good thrashing. I wouldn't kill you," she assured me, with a smile. "But I will make you realize the reasons why you fell for her, over and over again. Until it works again. Because you're the reason why she's come this far after her cracked marriage. Had it not been for you, then Regina would probably be in a grave right now, on the outskirts of L.A."

My eyes stung when I remembered her suicidal attempts. "But she has Chad too."

"He's her son. You're the love of her life. Yes, he means so much to her. But you mean more to her on a different level. Chad could not heal his mother from a broken heart. It took someone like you to do that. Someone she could believe in. Someone who constantly shows her a good time, how good life is. And for that, I will always hold you as an amazing person in my eyes."

I smiled, and bit my lips. Our eyes connected and we just gazed at each other until the sound of heels marked the very person in question approaching.

"Mally, Emma," she cleared her throat and I looked up to see the bartender standing before me. "This is Stephen. You remember Ursula," this was directed at Mally who stared at the young man and made some connection.

"From high school? Ursula Manchester? The girl who couldn't stop singing?"

Regina laughed. "Yes. This is her son."

"My God," Mally extended her right hand and it was taken whilst she gasped. "She actually settled down, long enough to produce such a handsome young man."

Her hand was shaken and Stephen smiled. "Thank you."

"And how is your mother?" Mally was curious. "Made it big in her career yet?"

"Actually, no," he suddenly appeared downcast and frowned. Maybe it was just me alone that was somewhat psychic but I could sense the gloomy news even before it was voiced. "Mom passed away last year from breast cancer."

"What?" Mally stood up and stared in shock.

"Apparently she moved to Europe," Regina said softly, resting a hand upon the guy's back whilst Mally's eyes teared up. "And she lived a very exciting life until cancer intruded. It was around that same time we were planning the reunion and couldn't get in contact with her? Remember?"

It would appear as if the person in question meant so much to Mally who reached for a green handkerchief within her purse and dabbed at wet eyes.

"Why was I never told about this?" no one in particular was asked. "Couldn't BIll call at least to alert me on the loss of my most dear friend?"

"She divorced dad like six years ago," Stephen said, hands held behind his back, head lowered. "And when mom moved to England, she kind of phased out everything over here, except for me. She wanted me to move over and join her. I had to finish college. And when I finally finished last year, her new guy crush called to tell me that she was in the hospital. By the time I was arranging my visa to get over there, I got another call to say that she had passed away."

"Oh my goodness," Mally stared back and the silence that ensued was a long one. "You poor thing."

Somewhere during my absence as I used the washroom, the two of them ended up bonding with Stephen and he was whisked off to his work once more. I happened to enter the room and noticed that they were in the company of Mally's husband. As I approached, the conversation died down so something like that immediately had me thinking that my name was probably being discussed or something about Flames.

Later on I discovered that it was the latter since she could always sense my worrying energy and decided to muffle any worry. Not that it mattered to me. At some point, I had to tell her what Mally had whispered in my direction. I had to tell her.

It was Sunday. We were in front of the television with BBC on, me on the red leather sofa, legs tucked under. And she was seated on the blood red carpet, painting her fingernails which was a rare thing. It was then when I told her.

At first our eyes met and the gaze lingered on for some time.

The countdown to a BBC headline began. That managed to break the connection between us and I was left to study her graceful moves in applying the darkest tint of red onto those long nails. She favored the color of red highly, the shade that oftentimes reminded me of blood when oozing from a wound. At times I found it slightly frightening, especially when those sexy claws would rake pathways up my midsection, her mouth buried elsewhere. But then I realized that she was not a vampire or a werewolf and there was nothing to fear.

"Are you mad?"

Her eyebrows knitted. "Emma, why on earth would I be mad...about something like that?"

"I dunno," I shrugged. "Because she kind of...brought it up. And you never talked to me about."

Regina sighed, returned the brush to the bottle and splayed her fingers out. The polish shone in the yellow lamplight, and her hands were just so soft and well-manicured, mine probably looked a lot worse.

She always took so much time to take care of herself, everything about her was just simply amazing. The monthly visits to the salon to wash, moisturize and style her hair and eyebrows. The fact that she made me feel like a baby because I still shaved my legs whilst her arms and legs were waxed. Every inch of her always smelled so wonderful, every second of every day. I could catch her during the hottest day out on the road whilst we ran some errand or did some shopping and when my lips met her neck, it was like sniffing an angel.

Making my toes curl, sending my mind racing and heart beating so fast.

"Yes I was in love with her. But it doesn't matter now." She squinted at the television and I reached for her black rimmed glasses. "We're just very close friends. And I couldn't want anything more at this point."

I leaned forward and she allowed me to push the huge spectacles on, immediately making her appear so fucking gorgeous. Like a sexy librarian who could drag me behind a bookshelf and kiss anywhere she wanted.

"We never went far," her hoarse voice assured me as a Purina cat advertisement came on. Brown eyes followed the butterflies that the cat chased on screen. "I mean, as far as it goes, I have only gone to the moon and back with you."

"I wonder if there's anything that we haven't done," I smiled at the television and she turned to me.

"Yes."

"I get that you don't want to use a dildo. And the vibrator is fine, but I'm talking about positions and...I don't know." I felt my cheeks growing warm and shrugged. "You're the one who constantly reads about those things. So..."

"Dear, you make me sound like a sex kitten," she purred, coming towards me on all fours, flames flickering in her eyes. "I'm certain that you have...done your research as well."

"Have you seen what I read?" I stared at her. "I read novels about women wearing petticoats, attending balls and the old fashioned way of romancing. I can honestly tell you that I have never read a lesbian themed novel. At all. Dorian Gray was obviously gay themed and so was The Color Purple but -"

"I swim in the Yahoo, Finance page." She curled up, head on my lap and I automatically began to stroke her soft, dark hair.

"Then how do you reach to the orgasms page?"

"Pinterest." Eyelashes fluttered at me from below.

I stared back. "What the hell? Pinterest has those kinds of info?"

"Well that's where I found it."

"All I see on my Pinterest is hairstyles, makeup and books. I never saw a SEX option to click on. Where did you get that from?"

"Emma, I have seen your Pinterest wall," she smiled up at me, "and it is so girly, sprinkled with makeup tips and hairdos that you never attempt on yourself. Really, it is quite funny."

"IS...THERE...A...SEX...OPTION?" my chest heaved.

"Yes."

"Lies," I narrowed my eyes at her. "All lies. I bet you have this secret website you go to that has all the juicy lesbian details and stuff. Or some book hidden away from me."

"What book?" I was stared at. "How to...LESBIAN...for Dummies?"

I snorted and she chuckled in her throat, glancing at the television. They were doing a special on the Google Glasses and if it wasn't for her piquing my interest in this tank of knowledge stored away somewhere, the program would have been really captivating.

"I am very serious though. There I was scrolling through my wall during my lunch break and that headline jumped out at me. That was the only one on Pinterest. Chad did send me a website that contains a vast amount of information on how to...lesbian."

"I knew it!" I lightly pinched her nose and she scrunched up her face, smiling. "I knew there was a website. Share the link with me."

"It is www dot between her legs dot com." Face serious as a judge, not a flicker of amusement was noted. She really was serious in delivering that link to me.

I found it absolutely necessary to check that website out for myself, so whilst we were in bed, my phone was used to capture a preview of what the page offered. At first the words that jumped out were rather bold, categories like BDSM and then KINKY. There was HOW TO DOMINATE and LET HER BE SUBMISSIVE. I scrolled through the list of sex toys and my jaw dropped a full inch. Plus you can just imagine my face when a video actually demonstrated on a tiny plastic vagina, how to stimulate between a woman's legs.

"Emma, I want cuddles," she mewled and stretched into me, face buried into my right shoulder. "Cuddle me."

"Just a sec," I slid the phone out of her line of sight and the video played on. These people seriously used plastic to create a little replica of a vagina that looked so freaking real, it was kind of incredible to pay attention to the details, "Damn..."

"What are you looking at?" her head was lifted, eyes blinking slowly.

"I'm watching a video." It was a very...stimulating video. I was actually becoming stimulated by watching the thing.

"About what?"

"Foreplay."

"Let me see," her hand reached out to capture mine, the one holding the phone and the screen was turned for both of us to watch. "Where's the audio?"

"I don't need audio! I'm not going to listen to someone explain to me, how to...do...these...things!"

"Narration is essential for tutorials such as these. It peppers your interest and draws you in more."

"I've never...seen...something like this.." I stared at the screen. The lady doing the demonstrations was clearly a pro or something, someone who had studied the female body and was quite skilled no how to master the art of reaching that climax.

"Then watch closely." Warm lips clipped my right earlobe and she chewed.

"Isn't this...porn?"

"Have you ever...actually...looked at porn, Emma?" her fingers slowly raked up my inner right thigh, the bottom of my huge blue yellow Kitty jersey moving upwards.

"It's gross," I said, staring at the video as it rolled to a finish. "I tried looking at a video once, but couldn't stick around for the fifteen minutes because the lady kept acting out everything and it was so bad."

"Oh I hate those. I had a few DVDS from Mally that Robin confiscated to watch all by himself. And at times we used to watch them together but one of us would fall asleep and it was so funny." She shook her head, and I noted the smile, brown eyes focused elsewhere. "I remember how his sudden snoring would piss me off because after becoming so revved up, and then to be let down."

I bet she was the topper but chose not to comment.

"Straight sex doesn't interest me anymore."

"I wonder why," my phone was locked and I pushed it under the pillow. She snuggled into my arms, curling up. "What happened to the DVDs?"

"Hmmm, who knows?" Regina shrugged, "probably buried somewhere in our mansion in L.A." She referred to it as 'our' mansion and had me thinking way out of line all of a sudden. But as usual, I said nothing further. "I used to borrow his Playboy magazines and flip through them. The contours of those women, obviously photoshopped. I never could complain though."

"Yeah...I bet," reaching for the lamp upon the vanity, I flipped it off and the silence around us drifted in.

"I miss his cooking," she said just like that, staring up at the ceiling. "He made the best breakfasts and snacks to munch on whilst we watched soccer or basketball."

In other words, we never did those things. I couldn't cook or obviously compare myself to him because he was somehow an expert. Games, basketball and soccer I used to watch with the guys but never with her. Snacks? I munched on chips. Anyway, like I said, it didn't bother me and I chose not to comment.

"Imagine if I didn't lose the baby," her warm breath flushed my neck. "I wonder how things would have unfolded."

"There wouldn't be an US, I guess," my eyes were closed, chest aching.

"Do you really believe that to be true?"

"I've seen it happen many times," my voice was probably not that soothing, "married couple fall out, and then they end up mending ways just because of the baby. He wants to see that his child is okay and on the way, they bond again. They make things works. Lifetime movies are based on true stories."

"So you think that he would have taken me back?" her voice was hoarser than usual.

My eyes remained closed. "Who knows? Only you would know that, I guess. You know him better than I do."

Her silence ensued and I could hear the thoughts racing around in that mind. She grew warmer in my arms, and silent, so silent, I had to check her face to see if sleep had come. But Regina was wide awake and staring up at the ceiling.

"No, he wouldn't."

I frowned. "He wouldn't what?"

Regina sighed. "When I was pregnant with Chad and then Kay, Robin was supportive but was never there when they were born. Somehow something else snatched him away. But after they came into the world, he assisted me so much. It took time for me to get back on my feet in both cases because as it was, both experiences were dreadful. He quit his job to help me."

Well wow, at least he had some kindness inside of him to do that. Not that I cared anyway, I couldn't care less about him.

"But in the case of my third pregnancy, he was already well entwined with...her. When I delivered the news to him, he said 'oh yeah, you're pregnant? Well that's fantastic. We'll get through this together even though it wasn't planned.' And then she was pregnant too. She obviously won over me. So would he have come to my side if the baby had survived? No. He chose her over our marriage anyway."

I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed. It was enough to unearth a moan, our legs tangled together.

"I'd choose you over anything, any second of any day," I whispered into soft, dark hair, pressing a kiss onto her head.

"I'd choose you too, over anything."

It was evident that she would but in all of us, there was that one part in our minds that pulled in doubts. A little paranoia and so much fear. At some point, in all over lives, we were hurt and disappointed and thrown out. And I hadn't experienced that as yet. Of course I couldn't be that lucky to find my forever so soon without any challenges to come, could I? That's why as each day went by, I always kept thinking that hey, something could happen that would threaten what we had.

She could suddenly do as those ladies did in the Lifetime movies and come across someone who made her question what we had already. It could very well be a guy because Regina couldn't fool me at that point. She just thought that I was naive and didn't know what was happening in her mind. But she wasn't fully gay. I felt it. I felt it all the time and accepted it because I was the same. I found guys attractive. I fell for personalities and connected with people through that.

Someday, she might walk into a room and lock eyes with this...person, and then suddenly I'd be thought of as being too young. That's how it worked most times, doesn't it? You realize that the person you have could leave you. Any day. Just like that. I tried not to dwell on those thoughts. But when she focused on what Robin used to offer, it kind of bruised me, in a way that she would never understand because we had come so far. She expected me to be comfortable with the way we were. However, I was allowed to have my doubts.

"So she just brought him up?" Neal asked me two days after whilst we were having lunch together, two chicken burgers seated on the table in front of us. "Just like that?"

"Yeah," I shrugged and wished Killian was there too because he always knew how to approach things in a totally different way from Neal. Whilst Neal would consider my feelings and tell me mostly what I wanted to hear, Killian would lay it down in detail and then allow me the chance to make my own conclusions. He was that intense. He thought deeply and I loved how his mind worked.

"Maybe he called her or something?" Neal took a bite of his burger, "maybe they saw each other somewhere?"

"I dunno. She would have told me."

"Would she?" He stared. Our eyes connected and I searched them. "I mean, even if she did meet him somewhere and they talked, she wouldn't bring it up. Just to avoid ruffling your feathers, you know?"

"She'd mention it," I said.

"And maybe that's it. Maybe bringing him up was her way of mentioning it to you. That he came around recently and she has him in her thoughts. Happens all the time. Even without us knowing, we suddenly start talking about something that crossed our minds."

I lowered my gaze and chewed slowly, trying to avoid thinking down that path.

"I give her space to do what she wants," I said.

"Don't give her too much."

"She's old enough to do what she wants to do."

"But when you give her too much space, then lines become blurred. And suddenly, you realize that she's not telling you anything until you ask. And then you find her talking to Robin and when you ask her, she's going to be like, oh well, I didn't want to tell you because you'd get upset and I know you don't like the topic anyway."

"I trust her," I croaked. "And we agreed that some things will take time to discuss."

"How much time will you give her to bring out things?"

"I…don't…know," shrugging, I thought about it and chewed on a slice of cucumber, coated in ketchup. "I don't hassle it, I guess. I'm trying to handle this as…maturely as possible. If that's even a word to begin with."

"Emma, the bottom line is, trust goes a long way."

"Yeah but I can't cramp her space. She needs it as much as I do sometimes. Work always has her busy, and tired. She's hardly home and when she does come home, it's just the two of us and nothing really to talk about."

"That's bad," he was watching me with this look that upset my stomach. "You gotta communicate. Once that line is cut, it can be cut for good."

"I just know that she'd tell me if something's up," that much I was certain about. "Plus I'd sense it. If she saw him then she'd tell me. That's how it goes between us. When I hang out with you guys, all it takes is a call for her to know where I am. Likewise, if she's running late or she has to go somewhere, Regina calls."

"On a daily basis," he chewed and shrugged, "how often do the two of you talk to each other? Give or take, texting, calls, face to face."

Thinking about it kind of made my chest ache a bit because I was cornered. His question would prove that at least something was supposed to be capturing my attention.

"If I text her, she texts back like half an hour later and then the replies stop coming. I can't call into her office. She's always on a call. The last time we had lunch together was ages ago and face to face? When I get into work, somehow she's never seen until we're both home. It sucks, I know."

He stared.

"That's kind of boring. Where's the action and stuff?"

"Like I said," my sigh was a long one, "she's always tired."

"She's tired of being in love with you too? She's so tired, she can't even spend an hour to have dinner with you? To text you? That's ridiculous, Emma. It sounds off to me. I think you need to talk to her about that. Think about it this way, you want to marry this woman someday, that's how you're always thinking about her and we all know it. You want to marry her and shit. And when you two get married, what kind of relationship will that be? A boring one most obviously," he leaned forward and took my hand. "You've got to spice things up, and it takes two to tango. If she's cutting out on her side, then you gotta bring her back up to speed and fuel up. Simple as that. Get it?"

I couldn't breathe. "Got it," I said softly, realizing that I actually had a problem brewing for so long and my heart had literally buried it beneath a pile of nothingness.

But something was going on, at least that's what I was led to grasp from what occurred that day.

.

.

"I just thought that you'd be home by now," I groaned and fumbled with the microwave cord, feeling so lonely on a Saturday night. "I have the movie ready and everything."

She sighed. There was silence. "Just so much to do."

"It's almost eight," rearing my head, the time was checked. "Just about to put the popcorn in."

There was the sound of papers rustling and then she cleared her throat. "Emma, give me fifteen minutes."

I waited. "Sure, Mario is going to pick you up, right?" that was her driver.

"Yes."

"I'm waiting, okay?" my voice was unsteady and there was this bug gnawing inside my chest. "I'll be here."

"Okay."

She didn't say 'bye' or 'later', nothing. Just silence and the decision was left on me to end the call.

Waiting for half an hour, still the sound of the alarm being disabled didn't meet my ear. I sat there, with the movie ready, 'Dirty Dancing'. The wind drifted in through the open glass doors from the balcony. And she still didn't come.

When I called her back, the door was just unlocking and it was almost nine o'clock on a Saturday night.

Suddenly, it was happening again and I didn't know what to make of the change.

Regina was coming home late again. She stopped texting me during the day, making me feel totally clingy and then there was the abrupt ending of phone calls. I'd call, we'd talk but her responses would be brief and then she'd leave me hanging. There I sat constantly wondering if I should END the call or hold on because she never ever said 'goodbye'. No. There wasn't even a 'I'll talk to you later'. What I got was a 'yes, that's fine', and then silence.

That night, she basically took a bath, collapsed on the couch next to me in complete silence and fell asleep half an hour later. I remembered pausing the movie and locking my eyes onto that face that always captivated me. There I was wondering how in the world she could zone out on me, even when I had been making my own commentary notes during the movie. It really pained me to be the talkative one, to be saying these things and then she's just nodding and smiling in reply as if something was wrong with me.

I felt as if I had done something wrong and my mind basically reeled back, scanning a couple of days before. Nothing came up. It had been the same old story. She'd come in and she'd zone out. I wasn't even that important anymore to deserve more than a peck on the cheek. It began to really hurt me, and this mountain was building up inside, containing so much hurt. I didn't know what to do.

Under a blazing sun that suddenly had reared its head out of nowhere, my shoulders hunched, I squeezed through foot traffic the next day. With September brewing in the air, it would appear as if many parents were hustling around and doing some shopping for school. Just imagine how relieved I was to skip out of the preparations, since my time had university had come to a close. Like a free spirit at last, getting home from work without the pent up stress of rushing to read study notes. We had plenty of time to spend together, and yet…

Regina was pushing work hours from 8 am to 8 pm and what the heck was I supposed to do? Having half day Saturdays and a full Sunday to relax, surely it was adequate time but damn. There were bags under her brown eyes, a rustier tone to that sexy voice and she wasn't sleeping properly at all. The pills seemed to push her into a black tank where our bodies would lie without dreaming. Without resting. And upon waking up, her eyes were listless.

So I bought a scrumptious square of brownie from this kind old lady raising money for a cat shelter. Stuffing the change into her little pink box, she thanked me graciously and proceeded to hand a sheet of cat stickers in my direction. Taking it, I walked away grinning like a fool, studying the paw prints and already plotting ways to make them surprisingly show up in the apartment. Regina hated cats. She grew rigid when they were around and like I said before, Paws had to be handed over to Neal because of her imaginative allergies.

Then it just happened.

There I was, standing across the busy street, where traffic moved by, everyone going somewhere of importance. I had my thumbs hooked through the straps of my black backpack, waiting to make a sprint for it at the **WALK** signal. And somehow, it would always seem that we had this connection which could never be severed because a pull was felt. My eyes rested on the glass windows of a cafe, a little green brick wall building wedged between a hair salon and a money remittance outlet. And the familiarity of the choppy strands of black hair made me cease any effort to breathe.

At first, there was this part in me that doubted the scene as more and more features of her were detected and attached to the person. Elbow propped upon a table, the glint of her gold watch and bangles. The same outfit consisting of a long sleeved purple silk shirt and a pair of black tailored pants when we parted ways that morning. Legs crossed, she animatedly carried on a conversation with the one person who always made me think murderous thoughts.

It was Robin.

I couldn't believe it.

I couldn't wrap my mind around the scene and lingered in the crowd of people that began to cross the road whilst the green signal flashed. It was flashing and still all focus rested on the pair sitting just there. Whilst he listened intently, face as serious as a judge, she spoke to him, leaning slightly over the table. She always leaned closer when there was trust between two people. Regina kept distance when things were uncertain, separating herself from strangers. And he was supposed to be a fucking stranger by then, wasn't he? There were two coffee cups between them. Her fingers wrapped around one and whilst she sipped, he began to speak, eyes never leaving hers.

What was I supposed to think whilst standing there?

Was I supposed to just cross the road and be gone with myself?

Was I supposed to do as I always did and let things that were said be carried away in the wind, without inquiring into the situation?

This was what Neal had pushed into my mind that had become hesitant in even accepting the idea. That she could be concealing things from me in the most hurtful fashion ever. Just when I had become so relaxed with what we had, believing that no serious secrets were between us, this happened. And now she was meeting her ex-husband without even telling me about it.

I checked my phone.

I stood there whilst the sidewalk emptied out, people spilling into every other direction, and there were no notifications. Nothing. Not even a missed call. Honestly, confusion just wrapped a net around me and my heart was squeezed with ice cold fingers. Cold sweat. My hands grew clammy and I did the one thing that mom and dad and Lizzie and everyone else who knew me were aware of already. Crossing the street and feeling so wrong, my temples stinging, there was no destination in mind but I jogged rather than walked. It was like racing away from cafe and somehow believing that the further I got from there, the more imaginative it would become.

I ran away from my problem instead of facing it head on.

Call me a coward but I was so utterly puzzled, I went into this...place. I don't even know where the hell it was or what the hell it served up. But I dragged my feet in there, slid into a vacant booth and curled up into a ball. I spoke once within one hour and that was to order a Coke. There was literally nothing happening inside my head as if that vital organ had been shut off. But my heart was beating so wildly, aching so badly, I couldn't keep the tears at bay. Paranoia came and held onto me like a leech. I suddenly got this weird idea that she was seeing him again and they were making amends, they were bonding. And I wasn't enough. I was never enough.

Work didn't see me that morning.

Spending approximately two hours just walking around idly, I bought stuff to soothe my mind and dull the patter of my heart. A dark blue long sleeved sweater, chocolates, gum. I was chewing gum when the elevator doors swished open to let me out on the third floor at work. Watermelon flavored. Juicy. All Barbara had to say to me was hello, and it was almost as if no one had even missed me but Larry. Writing in my time on the sheet upon his desk, I was given an intense scrutiny, and after telling him that I had a bad morning of cramps, my desk was sought out.

At a quarter to one, she called my phone. I ignored it. The same thing happened at three. Then ten minutes to four. Messages were sent, yet I didn't open any but sat there focused on my spreadsheet and running through addresses of subscribers. It reached a point where the screen became blurred, my fingers hugging the mouse were frozen and there was this stiffness in my back.

I couldn't do it anymore.

I just couldn't sit there and pretend as if nothing had happened because this wasn't my fault. It had nothing to do with me. In all respects, I had every right to know what was happening. I had a right to know so suddenly rising up from my chair, I ignored the stares and Larry's eyes latched onto me. Out the door my footsteps led, fists clenched and when I noticed that Barbara's desk was vacant, I did the one thing that probably no employee would ever risk.

Without knocking, I turned the freaking silver knob and pushed the damn green door open, jaw set.

The smell of apples hit me hard, filling my lungs and as soon as I entered the office, she stood up. We stared at each other whilst this fire started in me, and I checked how obviously worried she was. Brown eyes were widened, searching my face, trying to probe me or something but I had a rule for as long as I knew myself. If someone wasn't going to let me the hell in, then I wasn't going to give them the fucking privilege of doing the same thing easily. I wasn't going to stand there and expose my emotions like a mush ball. I wasn't going to stand there and allow her to soften me up with just a gaze. I had had enough.

"Where were you?" she asked the question that was supposed to be mine, palms pressed onto the desk. Her chest heaved. "I was calling you. I called you so many times. You aren't answering my messages. You clearly must have left home your mobile."

Sliding it out of my pants pocket, I held the phone up and said not a word.

Well obviously she sent me this look of confusion. When on certain occasions before, that look would have been so cute to me, now it was utterly ridiculous because how dare she? How dare she keep things from me like that without even saying something about it beforehand? Okay, even she hadn't gotten enough notice in time, to give me a call and let me know what was happening, I sat in that damn fast food place for an hour. I toured the streets of New York for two more. And when I waltzed in here, still there was not a call or a message.

"What's wrong, Emma?" her voice was rusty, just as it always was these days.

"How was work this morning?" I smiled stiffly.

"It was...busy as usual." She nodded, studying my face. "Why?"

Strike one.

"I could say the same for me. My phone was in my bag. Sorry."

"Oh," she breathed out a sigh of relief, eyes fluttering close and I stared at her. I just stood there and stared without knowing what the hell to do and very afraid of what I could say if she continued to do that to me. "For a moment, I thought that you were avoiding me."

"Why would I avoid you?" my voice was kept calm. I was trying to breathe in measured amounts.

"No reason at all. Sometimes I feel that things may happen or come in the way."

"Like what?"

She really thought that there was nothing to worry about because Regina slowly sat down and shrugged, eyes lowered. Her pen was reached for. "Disagreements. As do most couples have." Her scribbling moved across some frigging document. "At times you seem to be slightly emotional over certain things and I need to be observant."

"I'm not emotional over things that aren't important to me."

"I never...said that," our eyes met. "I am merely highlighting the instances where you magnify situations that really and truly, do not have that much importance."

"I'm sorry but are you are calling me emotionally unstable?" For some odd reason, my voice was so steady, not a waver could be detected. The mountain was shaking, the one that had been built up for a couple of days now, consisting of so much pain and doubts.

"No, I am not."

"That's exactly how it sounded to me."

"What is happening here?" she frowned at me. "Did I miss something?"

I actually laughed, shook my head, and walked to the skyline. Hands held behind my back, the view was stared at without even paying attention to display. But I did note that a ladder was being extended on the building exactly opposite Flames. A man dressed in a red jumpsuit was carrying up a black toolbox carefully, each step checked. His colleague remained below, face upturned. Seemed like they were going to fix the satellite dish or something.

The phone rang. She took the call. I could tell from her tone alone that worry had seeped in. Her composure was shaky.

There was silence once more and I blinked.

"Emma."

I swallowed, inhaled deeply and realized one thing. She had lied to me, barefacedly, Regina had lied to me. And I wasn't supposed to be treated like that. I wasn't supposed to be lied to, after all we had been through. After I give her everything. My hands were literally trembling.

"For goodness sake, Emma, will you speak to me on what has happened to bring this on?"

"Where were you this morning?" I kept my back to her and watched the guy in the red jumpsuit extend his arm, his colleague's black shades glinting in the sun.

"I was caught up in...call. Something that I will discuss with you later. Did you not read my messages? I cannot speak about it now."

"I'll ask you again," I said, knowing my voice was laced with anger, "where the hell were you this morning?"

"Emma, I do not like your tone."

"Regina, don't toy with me," I spun around, and glared at her, my chest heaving. Phones rang around us, people were busy at work. Everyone was doing what they were supposed to do, carrying on as usual. And my eyes shot daggers because I was pissed.

She blinked several times, stiffened in her chair and I couldn't believe it. It took a few seconds, possibly three for her composure to slip away like a curtain, enough for me to see that she had been shaken. And then just like that, right in front of my eyes, Regina inhaled deeply and considered me with a bland stare.

"After all we've been through," I said, astonished to the core, "after everything, you're going to sit there and lie to me. In my face. As if the truth doesn't matter and I don't deserve to hear a word of it."

"You're overreacting," she said, her voice trembling and hoarser than usual. "Have a seat and let's talk this through."

"Don't tell me to sit down as if I've been a disobedient child or something," I said. "It's frigging unacceptable."

"Emma, you need to calm down," a hand was lifted, brown eyes considering me. "We're in an environment where I will refrain from engaging in the use of such language. In my own office. I will not be spoken to like that."

"Or else what?" I threw my hands out. "You'll ask me to leave? Give me a warning before I walk out the door? Put it down in my file that I was disobedient to the Vice President? The boss?"

"Swan -"

"Of all the times you could lie to me," I kept my voice down and moved closer, never taking a seat because that was completely out of the question, "of all the damn times you could let things slip by without bringing it up or informing me, it had to be this."

"What are you talking about?"

"Lie about what you're reading or what song you're listening to on your phone. Lie to me about how I look when my face is oily and I'm bloated. Or when you're wearing mismatched lingerie under your clothes. Those things I can understand. But don't lie to me about him."

The change in her eyes was so sudden, as the astonishment washed over, I allowed it. "Robin?" she whispered.

"You're unbelievable, Regina! What the hell were you doing with him?"

She stared at me with wide eyes. Her phone rang and I watched the call placed on IGNORE in the split of a second. "The real question is, what were you doing out on the streets during work hours?"

"Don't sidestep this and turn the tables on me," I warned her. "Don't even attempt to do it."

"If you must know," her eyes were lowered, "I met him in a haste. It was completely unplanned and there wasn't much time to alert you on the meeting. We met to discuss some rather...pressing matters, of which I will speak to you later about. When you have calmed down and you're ready to behave in an adult-like fashion," she waved a hand at me, "minus the tantrum."

Was she serious?

"It's kind of comforting to know that it was okay for you to lie to me barefacedly when I asked you more than two times before about this morning."

"I don't have the time or emotional capacity as you do obviously, to deal with this right now."

"I asked you just now, where the hell you were and you said you were here!"

"I never said that I was here! I said that I was busy! What do you want from me? To place cameras on my damn forehead to pinpoint where I am, every second of every day?" she was losing her wits. "Do you wish to be sent a copy of my daily activities to muffle your obvious mistrust in my decisions as to where I need to be and why?"

"You lied to me!"

"I lied because I am quite aware of how you would behave, from the beginning," she pointed out, gesturing at me. "Anything in regards to him upsets you and it was my choice, as harsh as it may seem, to avoid the topic at all costs and wait until we were away from work to discuss such a thing. Obviously you cannot process that at the moment."

"I was standing there," I glared at her. "I was on my way to work and I just saw you sitting there with him. I had no idea what was going on, that's why I came here to ask you. And the first thing you did is lie to me -"

"I don't have time for this," she muttered, raking fingers through her dark hair.

"You could have told me the truth, that you saw him this morning and then tell me that we'd discuss it later!"

"Build a bridge and get the hell over it, Emma," she said to me, her brown eyes on fire. "I've had enough drama for one morning and the last person I expected to receive such treatment from was you."

"People who love each other don't lie easily to each other for convenience."

"That's right," she shook her head at me and snatched up the red pen, "I did wrong. Everything I do is blown up and blasted in my face because I can never, ever do anything right in regards to you. I am always flawed and forever will be. You're committed to a psychotic bitch, remember?" her brown eyes were wet suddenly. "Why don't you take everything I ever did just as he has and use it as a weapon against me, constantly?"

"Regina, you're pushing this out of context," my voice had gone soft. "All I wanted to know was what happened. That's it. I am trusted enough to be told the truth."

"I was told that I have lost millions of dollars in my shares in Dazzle. I have lost most of what I spent on my own mansion in Los Angeles, only offered half by that pathetic fuck I was married to. He has frozen our accounts and my mother has officially written me out of her will. In other words, today is just another painful day in my life whilst you," her voice trembled dangerously and she began to cry, "you ignore my calls. If you checked my texts then you would have known at least some part of what happened."

I unlocked my phone with a shaky thumb and opened my messages.

**I'm not having a good day. Please answer my calls. I need to talk to you, about what happened to me. Somewhat. I'll tell you everything as soon as work is over.**

**Emma. Check your messages.**

**Emma, I don't know what to do.**

"You can leave now," she said, gracefully wiping her eyes and trying not to smudge any makeup. "Now I have to cancel my meetings."

"Regina -. God, I wish I could rewind this and come in here again now," I said, my chest stinging.

"Well you can't."

"How can I fix this?" I moved closer to her desk.

"Don't try to bribe me with suggested favors," her glare was hurtful and I stepped back. "I am not in the mood for your antics right now. So I suggest that you leave and rethink what was said on your part. I will speak to you when I am ready."

"Deja vu," I said, tears clouding my eyes. "I know how it goes. I'll get home, you'll come in at 8 pm. You'll ignore me just sitting here, hop in the shower, then get into bed. You'll fall asleep on your side, no talk between us. And then tomorrow comes, you come back to work, not a word said and the whole thing happens again."

"I can't do this right now," she said to me, fingers curling over a stack of papers. "Just get out before I say something that I'll regret."

"Say it then," I urged her. "By all means, go ahead and get it off your chest."

Her lips were bitten. Just for a moment, she lowered those brown eyes. "You astound me. By jumping to conclusions. By assuming that I am a disgrace and a liar."

"I've told you before, Regina," I said, trying to breathe but I couldn't, "put yourself in my shoes and see how you'd feel. Understand why I...magnify things. Because you're still married to your work, you leave room for doubts, we hardly talk and then something like this happens. What the hell was I supposed to think?"

"That I am in love with you, I am your partner, and I would never cheat on you?" her voice was small but firm.

"I never said -"

"That's what you thought," she croaked. "Wasn't it? You thought I was cheating on you."

I couldn't even reply because it was the truth. You and I both know that it had crossed my mind. No, scratch that. It hadn't just crossed my mind like a thief slinking in the shadows. It had blasted through my mind like a warship, bombs flying everywhere. And I felt like shit. I was cornered and I was as dumb as ever.

"I will speak to you when I get home," Regina said. She sniffed. "It's obvious that we need to have this conversation as soon as possible because something is wrong. Now will you please leave? I'm not feeling entirely well."

Oh how I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay because I had fucked up and inside my heart, there was this storm raging, urging me to find whatever I could to make things right again. But she didn't want me there at all. That much was evident. Regina called Barbara right there and then and asked her to cancel all her meetings. She ignored me, buried her face in her arms folded upon the desk and there was silence.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

She said nothing to me.

I just turned around and left.

The remainder of the afternoon, I couldn't focus on my work and was way behind. Closing the file, I decided to work on it the next day, knowing that I'd have a massive backlog but penance had to be paid somehow. Really and truly, you could approach this from both sides and still, from where you sit right now, you're obviously going to soften up in regards to her because she claimed to have lied for a purpose.

I get that.

Understanding that came a little slow for me but when I rethought the situation, she never said that she was at work. She said that she had been busy. Racing in there like a fueled up jackass and ready to blow her head off. Why? Because of that asshole who was a waste of space and a demon. What I saw as the two of them having a comforting conversation, he probably was hitting her with the truth, that she had lost so much.

Maybe I should have walked in to that cafe and gotten involved or something, instead of walking away with my tail between my legs. Because look where it led me. I ignored her calls and texts, basically hinting to me that something was wrong. I really behaved so stupid, I was ashamed of myself.

But can you really think of it from my side for a moment?

I will not be labeled as an immature and emotional wreck by an audience who obviously suffered through paranoia more than once in their lives. The need to over-think and to color outside the lines. Seeing someone talking to someone and they throw a glance at you and immediately, you're thinking, why are these fools talking about me? Why is he speaking to his ex or why does she have a missed call from the woman she ended things off with like two years ago? All these doubts like weeds growing inside your freaking mind and it all stems from how much you love someone.

I loved her so much that it made me afraid of certain things, like I mentioned before.

I was afraid of losing her to someone else because she was that amazing, she was so beautiful and any decent guy would want her. Even women looked at her with dazed eyes when she walked into a room. She had the kind of power that lured attention in and held it. Regina was, as Peter put it, every guy's wet dream, and ever woman's closeted gay crush. And because of this fear I had, because of me never appreciating what I meant to her, as Killian put it, I could very well wake up one morning and find that my worst fear had come to light. Or I could take all the doubts and pull out the weeds and focus on making things work for us, make an effort instead of waiting on her to do it.

But in a relationship, there are two people and I just felt as if I was expecting what a normal person would expect, and she was just brushing time under the mat.

To prove my point, she did the same thing to me that night, coming home at 8 pm.

I had already showered, mentally prepared myself during an episode of Spongebob, then I watched another episode. I curled up, stared at the clock, and stayed there without moving. At a quarter to eight, it was time to move, because I wanted a pillow, to rest on the chair and wait up for her, just so we could talk. Getting into the room, I decided to change the pillow cases because something needed to be done. There was a need in me to busy myself.

She kept the cases inside this wardrobe on the topmost shelf and I had no clue why it was placed in such a high spot. Nevertheless, I could reach the pile easily and decided to paw around behind to capture any cases we hadn't used before. Most times, she would already have the pillow cases placed on the bed so I usually had to put them on without a hassle. So maybe this was my first time getting in there and searching around. I found a pink satin one with black embroidery work. I like it and my hands pulled it from between the heap.

Then my left wrist nudged something hard.

Weird...

On the tip of my toes, I reached up there and captured whatever it was between my fingers. From the feel of it alone, I could detect that it was a small box covered in velvet. And bringing it down before my eyes, you can just imagine how puzzled I was to find the yellow, velvet covered case

I think that my heart literally stopped when my thumb pushed up the lid.

At first, I had no idea what to make of it and just simply stared.

It was a silver ring with a cluster of diamonds in the shape of a heart. From just looking at it, I was certain that the thing could fit comfortably on a particular finger. And when I realized what it could symbolize, my knees grew so weak, I almost lost my balance. My throat closed up, tears formed in my eyes. And I couldn't stop staring at it and didn't dare take the piece of jewelry out from the box because it felt so unreal. I wanted to drown in the moment and hold onto the belief that my heart and my gut was telling me the right thing.

It was an engagement ring.

When I heard the front door open and she turned the alarm back on, I quickly shoved the box between the two heaps of pillow cases. With the two pink ones lying limp on the carpet, I snatched them up and darted to the bed. None of it must be known, my little sleuthing. Quickly, the cases were changed and when she came in to find me doing so, I realized something. Within her silence, it dawned upon my, oh so stupid mind that if she saw me changing the cases then she would know where my hands had been. Obviously.

Regina came into the room without saying a word. Back turned to me, she shrugged off her black leather jacket and hung it up neatly. The tension between us was sizzling as I threw a glance at her and tried to breathe. It was never supposed to happen this way. Never. She removed her black belt, sighed and I melted even further when the sound of her breathing filled the air. There I was, gazing and hugging one of the pillows whilst she slipped out of her purple silk shirt and remained in a black lace vest.

"So are we going to talk?" I had to say something.

"Yes." She captured her hair up into a messy bun. "I need to take a very hot shower first."

"I'll join you then."

Regina sighed, unclasping her heart shaped gold earrings. "Not tonight, Emma. I need space."

Her eyes were already leaking when she shrugged out of her bra and wrapped the towel around a body that I had touched over and over again. She was obviously going to have a good cry under the rain of scalding water. And I should have been allowed in there with her but it was obvious that my presence wasn't needed. Just to make sure that I was there if anything happened, I stayed inside the bathroom when she had slipped in behind the green plastic curtain. I lingered there until the mirror began to fog up from steam and my heart listened.

When she began to cry, her hoarse sobs evident through the shower of water hitting the tiles, I curled into the wall and felt my chest crumble.

There comes a time in your life when the person you love is hurting and there are two options. Either you proceed delicately and watch everything you say until they pour the pain out, or you burst into their space and create a spectacle as I had done earlier. The former would at least place you in a position to handle the situation delicately as it unfolded. The latter shoved you in the steamy corner where I was. Shut out and obviously about to get the mother of all talks.

But would she talk to me?

Or was that just something that was said to punish me?

Would she step out of the shower, and slip into bed without a word?

I had to just wait and see.


	23. I Forbid You From Leaving Me

**Excerpt:**

" ** _That is not fair," Regina said, snatching my right shoulder and spinning me around. "I have never taken you for granted, or us. I have taken everything we have seriously, in my heart. And no matter what you think, no matter what your doubts tell you, you're everything to me."_**

" ** _Let me go," I croaked, lowering my head and swallowing hard. "I need to get back outside."_**

" ** _Don't do this to me," she whispered. Both my shoulders were taken and she came in, her chest heaving. Our foreheads were rested together, my hands hanging limp down my sides. "Emma, I can't...breathe without you."_**

" ** _I'm not going anywhere," I said, feeling her warm breath kissing my face. "I just want to get back to the game."_**

* * *

**_Ten years ago_ **

_Perhaps there was enough truth behind the belief that something had been sparking up between Emma and Lizzie. Something was unfurling and an awakening was in progress, one that was growing stronger in the blonde's heart whilst the other merely pranced about like a little doll._

_You see, Lizzie lived to be the crowd pleaser, with the brightest smile and the most cheerful disposition when engaged in any social event. Her little dimples would warm the hearts of many people who oftentimes glanced at Emma awkwardly and continued to speak to the brunette._

_She had been quite an awkward little girl, our little blonde narrator, the kind of girl who chose to sit without her legs crossed and played with grasshoppers and lizards. Emerald eyes sparkled when butterflies chased the wind, and spiders crawled up window curtains. The simplest things in life were never unchecked by her as all girly ways remained muffled and the boyish side took control._

_That's what they could never understand, except her father._

_Snow could never understand why she was encouraging a box of trucks in her house instead of a collection of dolls. The plastic tools that showed up on the toilet tank worried her dearly whilst David laughed and when the cat was built a small wooden box by Emma's hands, both of them wondered how in the world such a thing had been accomplished._

_She was different._

_She wanted to throw away her dresses and burn the socks they made her wear to church. The itchy white stockings and then the trainee bras that really and truly supported nothing at all but a flat chest that was not growing even as the years went by fast._

_Snow longed for a daughter who wished to go shopping whilst David encouraged the tomboyish ways of a little girl who brought sunshine to his every day. They built a swing in the backyard and he watched her climb trees. Emma was entered into the bicycle race alongside a bunch of boys and she won second place. She was the apple of his eye, trying on his boots and wanting to wear his police uniforms. Playing good cop, bad cop, and wrestling with him on the floor whilst he showed her defensive moves._

_Emma never loved the girly things in life as her best friend did._

_Lizzie loved to play Emma's bride in those little dramatic scenes on Sundays in the backyard._

_With a white ribbon in her dark hair, still dressed for church, the brunette would stand upon the beach and await her groom who was handsomely wearing one of her father's ties. They'd meet each other at an invisible altar surrounded by shells and rocks and then the wind spoke the words of the priest. Emma threw back an invisible veil and a kiss was pressed to her best friend's right then left cheek, eyes fluttering close._

_They were so close, Snow couldn't even take her daughter anywhere without having Lizzie tag along. So that when they entered high school, it was expected of the brunette to follow up the same normalcy of things. Sticking together and being best friends through and through._

_That was until something happened which threatened Emma's belief in herself and made her question what love really meant._

_It was in October when she had just turned thirteen and still growing accustomed to the new level in school. As usual, Lizzie would meet her in the hallway after Economics but on that afternoon, the spot remained empty for close to fifteen minutes._

_Checking the washroom, eyes darting this way and that, the blonde quickly traversed the hallways in search of her friend but was greeted with anyone but Lizzie. So her next move was to retreat outside and hope that a discovery would be made at last._

_They were supposed to head to the library that afternoon, to work on a Geography project about volcanoes. The Ring of Fire had immediately piqued Emma's interest and she couldn't wait to pour through books and learn more. All excitement was chased away when her best friend's laughter met the blonde's ears. And focusing emerald eyes upon the front yard, there the brunette stood, hugging her books and in the company of a boy from two classes above their grade._

" _I know! I love those too!" Lizzie was breathless, eyes alight and bursting with excitement. "I really love them!"_

" _So do I," the boy said._

_Emma shyly approached them and waited without saying a word. As she always would do, and her parents knew this, their daughter was very humble and respectful in any situation. She awaited her turn with a length of patience and never fussed. So when her presence was noted, the first thing Lizzie did was to turn her eyes upon the newcomer._

" _Hey."_

" _Hey," Emma said, trying to ignore the boy whose neck was too long as he was too tall. "Ready or what?"_

_Lizzie exchanged glances with the third person and her lips turned up cutely. "Um, do you mind if Joshua tagged along with us?"_

_Why was the person there and what did he want, Emma wanted to know because she suddenly felt uncomfortable around him. She didn't want to have him tag along. No. This was supposed to be something they did together, going to the library and studying, reading. So why was Joshua now tagging along? Why did Lizzie want him there?_

_Half an hour after and whilst Emma sat there scribbling away on volcanoes and drawing the ring of fire with a red pencil, she knew why he was needed there. Of all the people to hurt her the most, it had to be Lizzie and this public display of giggles that made the librarian cross. Lizzie had never been like that before. Never. But there she was, sitting with Joshua whilst the blonde fumed from his low whispers into her friend's left ear._

" _You like that? Hmm?" Joshua teased, and the two of them laughed._

" _Can you shut up or something? I'm trying to focus here." Emma glared at him._

_Lizzie lifted her head and brown eyes grew wide. But Emma didn't care. She was focused on the intruder alone._

" _I'm not talking that loud," Joshua said, still smiling. "But sorry anyway."_

" _You were talking loud and it's annoying me."_

" _Emma," Lizzie frowned, "come on."_

" _What?" Their eyes remained locked._

" _He's not being loud. He's okay."_

" _Do your work and stop giggling," Emma said with a scowl, beginning to write again._

" _Emma," Lizzie's voice was firm but not too harsh. When their eyes met, she passed over a signal and both of them rose at the same time._

_Their footsteps led behind a bookshelf, way at the back whilst Joshua peered through the space and wondered what was happening. Obviously one was angered whilst the other was confused._

" _Why is he here?" Emma folded her arms._

" _Because I invited him." Lizzie frowned. "I asked you, didn't I?"_

" _You did but you didn't tell me he was a giggling idiot or something."_

" _He's not an idiot," the brunette said defensively, "don't call him that. He's a nice person. And I just thought that you could get to know him more. That's why I wanted him to come."_

" _Well I don't want to know him more than what he already seems to be like. He's kind of ugly and totally annoying."_

_Something flashed in Lizzie's eyes. "When are you going to grow up and realize that there are some things I will like that you don't? Like for example, Joshua. He's someone I really like."_

" _Like, like how much? As in your boyfriend?" Emma stared._

" _We're not there yet but I don't mind."_

" _Eew," the blonde glanced away and scowled. "Just...eew, Lizzie. Get a grip."_

" _No, you get a grip," the brunette pointed a finger at her best friend. "I don't need your approval on everything. I surely don't need your approval on him because I like him. You don't have to."_

" _Then I'm going to sit somewhere else," Emma said directly. "Where there are less giggles and stupidity."_

" _Suit yourself," Lizzie said in response._

_They ended up becoming separated as the blonde snatched up her books and chose a table to the furthest corner of the room. Although there was the peace and quiet that she longed for, emerald eyes couldn't help but wander to the pair sitting at the table. Lizzie seemed to hardly miss her. She was whispering to Joshua and smiling. And Emma felt so wrong, as if she wasn't even a best friend anymore._

_She felt as if she was being replaced._

_X_

It took her more than half an hour to come out and join me. By that time, I was sitting on one of her comfy black leather stools in the small kitchen, behind the U shaped, red and black checkered counter. There was a tub of Häagen-Dazs chocolate fudge ice cream in front of me, and I sucked on the spoon whilst my lungs froze over. The rich taste should have managed to curl my toes but it wasn't achieved. No. There was this biting inside my chest that wouldn't' go away. In other words, it was like in one of those soppy teen movies when the girl gets her heart broken or something and she decides to swallow candy and food to somehow eliminate the feels.

What the hell had I done?

What had she done?

She was fifty years old, dragging herself through menopause and stressed out as much as a mom with twelve kids could ever be. Bags under those brown eyes, hands hanging limply down her sides and hunched shoulders. For as long as we had known each other, Regina never slouched. Her back was always as stiff as a poker and it worried me because now the slouching obviously signaled so much fatigue. She was fatigued and my concern for her wasn't appreciated or taken seriously. Instead, working her ass off was more important than even a movie night.

I reached for one of her red towels and wiped the counter, water leaking from the container.

Couples had disagreements, right?

We were always mushy with each other, oftentimes cuddling and falling asleep or allowing the silence to prolong between us without talk but just love. She read the Business Insider in the mornings whilst we had coffee right there, her huge black rimmed glasses on, and I ate my Cocoa Puffs cereal whilst playing Bubble Shooter. Somehow I found that talking too much was annoying on my behalf because it's like, I would start off and rattle like an engine for a good mile before there was a reply from her. And she never really carried on as much as me. Just a string of ten to twenty words if I was lucky enough and the silence would sneak in again.

But you have to understand that it didn't bother me.

I talked when I wanted to. She listened all the time. She was the kind of woman who was observant, the one who soaked up words and understood me. I thought it was maturity but Neal thought it was a problem. Killian thought that it was rather strange that she didn't speak as much and concluded that it was definitely a personality trait. Regina was an introvert.

Was she really that?

Regina could enter a room and brave through conversations. Or that's what I thought. Upon further scrutiny, I realized that really and truly, she was introverted and she bottled up her feelings and thoughts no matter what. She hated social affairs and was so much like me, only braver. Never going out much, never having an abundance of friends, which I did and choosing to stay home and read a book instead of taking a walk.

We fell out with each other and came in back again.

There was that emotional moment during Christmas, in regards to Lily. Before that, I was stressed out with exams and she was never there for me as much as I needed her. Now it was about this morning and I strongly believed that the same thing was creeping into this new dilemma, that she was still hardly there and it was affecting me. It wasn't just about Robin. It was about her absence.

Her groan woke me up and I was pulled back into the moment.

It would always amaze me how cute and entirely sexy she appeared in just one of those huge t-shirts. Tonight's color was a dark grey, as grey as the sky during a thunderous afternoon and possibly to match her mood. But she looked gorgeous nevertheless, water still clinging to disheveled hair and no makeup on. Dragging her feet, she came to the counter and slid onto the stool directly across from where I sat. Her brown eyes were slightly red, honey colored skin a paler shade than usual and I immediately pushed the container of ice cream in her direction.

It was pushed back. She buried her face into folded arms, dark hair tumbling around and appearing so silky under the glow of the kitchen light.

"I'm not feeling well. At all."

"Did you eat?" I was immediately worrying so much, more worry piled on top of the existing mountain.

Her head moved from side to side.

"When was the last time you ate something?" I frowned.

When her only reply was a shrug, I got off of the stool and headed to the small black cupboard where she kept all the foodstuff. After wondering if she'd prefer her favorite oatmeal with apple chunks or soup with noodles and chicken cubes, I decided on the latter. It was pushed into the microwave and the timer began to count down whilst I stood there and gazed at her.

Something had to be said.

Of course I was still clinging to the attempt she made to conceal the truth from me. As much as it was considered now with an understanding heart, I still felt conflicted about the whole thing because she didn't have to lie to me. That was supposed to be the ultimate sin or something. To step over the meeting with Robin as if it would detonate me or something. When telling me the truth wouldn't have done as much damage because at least we could have started on the topic openly. At least we could have acknowledged the fact that he was still a fucking asshole and then steps would be taken further, to console her. To do anything I could to comfort her.

"I'm almost done with Dorian Gray," my throat ached. She didn't move. "I had no idea that the book would turn out to be so...twisted. It started off so slow and deep then everything just went haywire. You wouldn't believe what I did last night."

No response.

I swallowed and felt a huge ball caught in my esophagus. My throat. I hate biology.

"I heard there was a movie. And so I decided to check the trailer, just to get a glimpse of what Dorian looked like. Big mistake." The microwave had one minute remaining. "It was so brutal; the stabbing."

She lifted her head and stared at me without blinking.

"Regina, I reached the stabbing tonight and it was so cruel. A guy who obviously adored and admired him, wanted the best for him. And then just because Basil worried after him, the twisted ass stabbed him to death. What the hell?"

The soup was ready so I slipped on a pair of red mittens, pulled it out and deposited the steaming bowl in front of her. Then hopping onto the stool once more, I handed her a spoon and she took it, our fingers brushing. My poor babe. I could literally feel how drained she was and because I had wounded her earlier, you can just imagine how bruised I was as well. To sit there and watch whilst her right hand shook, dipping the spoon into the soup and lifting it. Blowing softly. It reached a point where I couldn't take it anymore and dragged my stool around to the other side.

"Here," I eased the spoon out of her grasp, and sat down, pulling the bowl towards me, "let me feed you."

"I'm not a baby," she protested, "I can take care of myself."

I stared at her back, hunched shoulders, and thought to myself, this is how it mostly was anyway. Hardly any eye contact, cuddles diminishing by the week and the last time we shared a passionate kiss felt like ages ago. Yeah we danced at the staff party and saw stars in each other's eyes. There was a kiss and before that event, she skipped a meeting to be with me. But it was like dropping the beat and then the rest of the song sucked. Things happened in a major way and then everything else died down. And here I was, thinking to myself how foolish it must be to constantly want someone when she was obviously comfortable with distance.

"I know that," I said, staring at her.

A nod was the only reply.

Maybe it was something that came with age.

I needed more. She needed less.

We spent half an hour in silence whilst the soup was eaten slowly, chewing on noodles and brown eyes just listless. I basically did nothing in that time but stare at her every move, even though I was given most of the view from behind. From what I could gather, as much as staring goes, she wasn't wearing a bra. Through her grey t-shirt that had been a donation from some business called the Hands Who Hold Suicidal Hearts: HWHSH, I could see no imprint but lower… Lower there was the evident outline of one of her cute 'granny panties' as mom often called them. You know, the huge panties with the floral print that covers most of everything you have under the waist?

Regina either slept in lace or those. And when she decided to sleep in those, it meant something was wrong. Either she was feeling really cold or fatigued or frustrated. Or in this case, she was hurting inside.

'The new chastity underwear,' Neal told me once. "Without a belt and lock. Means you can't get in easy and you can't see shit from the outside. Most guys hate 'em. Those granny panties. Ugh.'

I snickered.

The ring came into my mind again and I stopped.

I hadn't thought about it since she had come in the room, since the tension snaked around us like hot fingers and attempted to choke the life out of me. Now the yellow box came dancing into my head, blowing this little trumpet and reminding me that hey, Emma, guess what? She wanted to marry you and now you're sitting in silence whilst she eats soup. She's not saying anything to you and she's not wearing lace. She's not wearing a bra but that doesn't mean that it's suggesting anything. Can you hug her? No, you prat.

Frowning, I lowered my head. "You know, you can just tell me to leave or something. Then I'll do as you say. Like you did earlier."

The scraping of the spoon inside the bowl was the only reply given to me.

"Are you still in this for the long haul?" my voice came out in such a small fashion, I sounded too cute like a seven year old. "Because…if you aren't…then I can just binge on soppy movies and eat more ice cream."

"You're such a child at heart," she croaked. The spoon was licked and it would appear as if some color had returned to her cheeks.

"Do you still love me?" Right elbow propped onto the counter, my chin rested on a sweaty palm.

Regina sighed and straightened her posture. Shoulders pushed back, her position was adjusted upon the stool and she finally chose to turn in my direction. Something passed between us when our knees rubbed together, my legs were parted since I never really sat with them pressed together as she did. I remembered thinking, when was the last time we sat like that? Facing each other instead of having no time for each other? Without her head resting on my chest. When was the last time we gave each other such full focus with eyes meeting and the anticipation of a conversation about to unfold that would obviously bring out a few kinks in the bond we had?

"If you find it necessary to...ask me that, then clearly it requires my undivided attention. Even though I am trying so hard to give you space as I desire as well."

"But you just can't decide when you need space without thinking about if and when I'd need you."

"Yes I can," she confirmed. The traffic hummed outside and below and still, none of it mattered. "I can decide on anything that concerns me. I will consult with you but the decision is all on me."

"Are you trying to tell me something here?" Frowning, the ache in my throat worsened. My eyes burned.

Regina blinked. She swallowed. A deep breath was taken and then her head was lowered, lips parted. I watched how dark tendrils of hair fell forward, how perfect she was and it made me feel so lucky to even have her attention like that. To capture the attention of someone who was quite aware of their value obviously but oftentimes needed a reminder when insecurity kicked in. And if I wasn't there to flip the switch back on that fueled enough belief in herself, then who would?

"Let's push aside today for now," she assured me, "but I've noticed this and I am in no way pointing out a flaw that is not understood by me. Nothing is wrong with reacting the way you do, as I have been there before and the intensity of the situation just...causes ripples of uncontrollable emotions. I have noticed that you are insecure about who you are and what you're worth. You're very insecure about your self-worth and it...worries me that I cannot do anything to change that."

Did she just say that to me? Had I dreamed it? I was insecure about myself?

"If someone tells you something, if I do something or I say something to you, it has no significant value."

I remained silent, staring at her.

"I am committed to you," she gestured to herself, "Emma, I belong to no one else, and there is still a problem."

"Just because I need you, it means that I have an emotional problem."

"It is not a problem. I'm not saying that. I'm saying that it is something that you need to work on, that...we...need to work on. But I cannot assist you if around every turn, you're shutting me down."

"I'm shutting you down?" I stared back in disbelief.

"Yes," she nodded. "You're shutting me down. The other day when I was engaged in a meeting and I could not spend more time with you, you walked away from me. I've come home, and it is evident that you're so angry at me that as soon as I get into bed, all attention is focused on your phone or your Kindle whilst I am left to stare at your back -"

"You have no idea -"

"When I do ask you to go out, you're not in the mood." Her eyes never left mine and I held up my side because really and truly, I couldn't believe these things were being said. "When I take a call, it shows on your face that it is a forbidden act of some kind to even engage at least five minutes on something else."

"I don't have a problem with you taking a call!" I couldn't believe it. "Why the hell would you think that?"

"It shows on your face."

"There is no way in hell that I'd ever show on my face that I was annoyed at you taking a call," I pointed out in a defensive tone, "So don't misjudge my facial expressions and expect to get by with it because I'm telling you now, as it is, that I have never thought _anything_ like that."

"I'll take your word on it then," she said as if I was lying or something. It pissed me off because the look that I was given clearly signaled that there wasn't enough substance in whatever the hell I was saying.

"I just can't believe that you told me I'm insecure," I said, glaring at her. "You, out of all the people I know, in my life, telling me that I have a problem when it comes to my self-esteem."

"It just seems that way to me."

"I saw you out there, with him," I extended an arm and stared at her. "What the hell was I supposed to think?"

"I am only trying to help you."

"So I'm the patient now?" I was crying. "You're counseling me? Is that what this is? I'm broken, just as you were last year and you're telling me that I need help?"

Regina stared at me and tears clouded her eyes. "Stop being so defensive with me."

"I'm done," I said hoarsely, getting off of the stool, hands held up. I was so cold. I couldn't believe it. "This conversation is over."

"And there you go again, shutting me down just as I am trying to explain what's bothering me."

"This is unbelievable!"

"No, you're taking this too deeply and it shouldn't be that way." Her voice was so calm, I grew even more furious. "It shouldn't be like that. I should be able to say things that are beneficial and soothing in more ways than one."

"And telling me that I'm a fuck up is beneficial?"

"I never said that," her eyes flashed. "Sit back down, please." Her gaze lowered to the chair I once sat in. "I'd like us to speak about this."

"No," I stood by the door frame and folded my arms.

"Stop behaving like this," our eyes did not meet. "Stop this right now."

"I'm sorry but I'll stop behaving childish and just leave you alone then," my voice wavered.

"Emma –"

Going into the bedroom, I went towards the window seat and basically flung myself onto it. The wind rushed in and swirled around me but nothing could even affect my mind, body and soul as much as the blatant misunderstanding between us. Was it a misunderstanding? I sat there and stared outside and realized that it wasn't to be described as that. No. She was turning the blame on me when it was evident that the problem was on her side.

I couldn't stand this anymore.

I couldn't just allow this to happen anymore. Peeling away the layers that hurt and exposing the rawness inside of us both. Knowing that we both held different things on different levels of importance and it was like scratching at a bruise all the time. It was like an itch that could be soothed but it always started to fuck me up again.

I couldn't change myself, obviously she couldn't change as well. So we were here and there was this job between us, late hours. It was stressing me out, taking a toll on our relationship and either something had to be done or I would have to make a choice.

There I was, realizing that this was shit. This was stupid because there were times when I was made to feel so special and then I was taken for granted. Times when I'd rattle off with no response on her end, and other times when she would come in and never even kiss me good night before sleeping. The pot calling the kettle black. That's what this was. Claiming that my back kept her company when it wasn't like that. I swear it wasn't. I can't prove it to you but no matter when Regina came in from work, I'd be up and open for words to be passed between us.

But then she'd drag her feet to take a shower, slip into bed, and by the time I wrapped up a chapter or LIKED a post on Facebook, sleep came. I'd turn to her and realize that she had dozed off. And my smile just vanished. It happened so many times, and I knew she was fatigued but that wasn't my fault. That was her job. Yeah I knew work was fatiguing, but she didn't have to push in those extra hours of work. Mally practically begged her to go home at six the latest. I was there. I heard. She'd stay in her office and just conjure up work to do.

That's it.

She made herself busy just so that everyone would say the V.P was staying in late.

Call me selfish. Go ahead and bitterly judge me but at that time, I was so focused on what i felt. What mattered to me was when she was near, when we spent those moments together. Those I lived for. I lived to come home and see her and be with the one woman who meant so much to me. To a point where I could hang out with the guys but all plans excluded me these days because I somehow waited and expected one night to be filled with US time.

Obviously she slipped into the room, unnoticed by me. Very soon, I could feel her presence in there and it pained my heart to even say something. I couldn't say anything to her at that point because she labeled me as insecure, just because I wanted her. Just because I was clingy and I had reason to be. First love really hits you hard. And if you could just steer your thoughts back to your first time, the first time you were in a relationship or you fell head over heels in love with someone, then you'd know what mattered.

You expected so much and you were uncertain of what to do.

You wanted physical contact in any form and distance would kill you.

You just wanted to talk to that one person all the time, about anything.

I curled up on the seat, hugging my knees and cried, chest heaving. The sea of lights sprinkled across the apartment building next door became a fusion of colors. Everything seemed so far away from me and again, just as if I was now coming to New York and moving into my apartment, I felt alone again. I felt as if no one could understand how much I needed comfort and love and companionship. There was only me and I was clingy because that's how my parents brought me up to be like. They constantly showered me with their love and attention, understanding, and hugs. I was not spoiled but I was shown the purest of love by two people who felt the same way for each other.

"I'm sorry I labeled you as insecure," she croaked from behind. "You're not insecure. I...am."

My eyes squeezed shut and I could feel every single beat of my heart. Please don't turn the blame on you, I kept thinking. Please don't do that and become the victim and then I'm going to feel a hundred times worst again in one day.

"All of those things that I said," her voice was breaking and it pained my chest, "all of it relates to me. About self-worth and believing in yourself."

The silence that elapsed was filled with me just staring out the window and growing colder.

"Emma, I'm sorry."

My cell rang from its resting place on the vanity just behind me. The choir of meows that filled the air couldn't even make me feel any better. I allowed it to play the tune out and then whoever it was, ended the call.

"I overreacted. I'm just so fatigued right now. With my life and with my…feelings. And I channeled it wrongfully. In your direction."

The meows began again. Fuck it. I got off from the window seat, and strode to the vanity. She was sitting on the bed, eyes following me but I didn't even pay attention. Instead, my phone was snatched up and I answered the call with fingers so numb, there was no warmth left in me.

"Dude, we need you here to even us off. Two against two." It was Neal. "You and Killian. Will and myself."

"Yeah?" I couldn't breathe still.

"Pools, you unicorn. We're squaring off to play a round of games that might very well change the future of our friendships."

"What's the deal on the table?" I was so hoarse, my mouth dry.

"A Samsung Galaxy, S6. Brand new -"

"What the hell?" I stared and felt the phone's worth within my grasp decline by so much. "How in the world -"

"Brand new, in the fucking box, headphones and everything. Come now or you're stuck with your grandfather Mini S3."

"Wait, you're playing with me," I said, knowing that it could be a ploy to get me out, just to hang with them. "There's no phone, is there?"

"Killian," there was a 'yeah' in the background, "Killian, am I lying?"

"Swan, we're all staring at the bloody thing and have been for the past half an hour," Killian assured me.

"Open the box." That was Will.

There was a scuffle of some sort and someone swore. That much I could hear. By then, I was already anticipating the moment of setting my eyes on the actual phone. To place my bets, but first, to know of its sudden acquisition. That would be something to look forward to.

"Don't tamper with the fucking box," Neal scolded.

"I'm in," I said, just like that.

"Awesome. We're at Pete's Pool Parlor. You know, the usual place. Bring Regina along to keep score. This is going to be massive."

"Wait, I don't know if -" but he ended the call.

I was left to hold the phone within my grasp for oh so much longer after Neal disconnected me because of one thing. There was the challenge now of facing her, to either decide if the plan was to be voiced or my footsteps should lead out the door, all by myself.

Deciding that I'd give myself time to think, I checked the hour and minutes, realized that it was nine thirty and not so late. So I could go. I could more than go. My hands were so numb when I stooped to pull out the second drawer just below me. I wasn't going to stay here and argue, with tension between us. For once, ever since we had been together, the time had come to just walk out and go somewhere. To clear my head.

"Where are you going?" she watched me head to the other closet to grab a pair of jeans.

"Out," I said, pulling out a faded blue one and slipping into it without making eye contact.

"It's almost ten." Her voice was still cracking.

"I know that." Just give me a break.

"It's late. You have to sleep...you have to work tomorrow," she reminded me hoarsely.

I remained silent.

"You know how it is when you don't manage at least eight hours of sleep," she croaked, "you wake up feeling groggy and out of tune. Please don't leave."

"I can't do this."

"You can't do what?"

I swallowed hard and scooped my hair up into a high ponytail. "Stay here. I can't stay here right now. I need to leave."

"Okay." Her intake of breath was enough to make me stop because I could tell what followed that sound without even looking. It was a shaky intake of breath that was followed by her brown eyes filling with tears. Losing control and cracking. "Are you leaving me?" Her voice was a whisper.

Oh my God.

That was too much for me, to stand there and know that she was crying and hurting so badly. With this fear that formed into a belief that I was going to leave her. And I knew what she meant because of her reaction. It wasn't a simple question to ask me if I was going to come back. Regina honestly believed that I was going to walk out of that room and never come back in.

I turned to finally glue my eyes to hers and even when what I had predicted showed on her face, every sign of her hurt made my eyes fill with tears. She was sitting there, lips parted and her cheeks were stained with wetness that leaked from an aching heart. Just as I was aching. But whenever her heart cried, I knew to myself that it wasn't supposed to be that way. I wasn't supposed to allow it at all. And no matter how angry I was with her, no matter how much I wanted to just shout at her, in that moment, all of it just washed away.

"I'll do whatever it takes to make you stay," she said hoarsely. "I'm not going to let you go. Believe me. I can't..." her sob shook a chest that was most likely aching as much as mine, "I can't let you go. I forbid you from...leaving."

"You...forbid...me?" I stared back.

"Yes." She choked on a sob, fists clenched upon the bed.

"What are you going to do to prevent me from leaving?" I wanted to know, was fishing.

"Anything." She sniffed.

"Like what?"

"I don't know as yet." Her right cheek was scrubbed with the heel of her palm. "But I'll follow you. Because I'm aware of how upset you are. And I'm upset. And we need each other more than you think."

We gazed at each other for a long time without saying anything. She pleaded with me with her wide brown eyes. I sucked in as much air as I could, reached for the door to the compartment where she kept her clothes. My hands were still shaking when I pulled out a pair of black jeans and chose a simple red, short sleeved jersey with a black collar.

"Put these on," I said in a rush, handing them to her, our eyes meeting briefly.

She stared at me as if I was Michael Myers in the Halloween movie and took a full minute before accepting the clothes. Then whilst she debated on whether to put them on or not, I found her a comfy black bra and handed it over.

"I thought you were going to throw out my clothes," she worried still.

"This is your apartment. Not mine. And I'd never do what he did to you," I replied, spraying some perfume on my wrists.

"No, you're not."

I checked my long sleeved black jersey in the mirror and wondered if Killian would groan at the color choice. He hated when I wore black, saying that it didn't do justice to my colorful character. But right then, I was in a mood that most likely was the same color as black. Or swirling gray. Ignore and try to breathe, try to relax, try to remember why we came into this and what I always saw in her. The best I saw in her, how warm she made me feel, how amazing her heart was and yet few understood.

From the moment I handed her the denim jacket with long sleeves and silver studs pressed into the fabric, she brushed hands with me and wouldn't stop looking into my eyes.

I was drawn in and couldn't even move a muscle because what was wanted from me was evident. She wanted me to talk to her, to say anything. She wanted me to touch her, as I had always wanted her to do so many times during those long absences, those spaces. And I couldn't touch her right there and then. I couldn't touch her because I'd end up crushing our lips together. And we'd never end up going anywhere because I'd make love to her, so hard, over and over again, trying to bury the pain that would not go away no matter what we did to muffle it.

I needed to play this out, to take myself somewhere and ease my mind into a situation that required less pressure on a heart that was bleeding. To take her along would be hard for me but I didn't want us to be separated. I didn't want to be out there and be worrying every single second about her curled up in bed, crying. Checking my phone and seeing missed calls, texts, begging me to come back home, to never leave her.

We got out the door, she held the railing in the elevator a little too tightly which signaled unsteadiness. Our shoulders bumped many times on the way down and to the car. My keys jingled and her heels clicked upon the pavement, the scent of apples and vanilla meeting my nose. I was surprised that our destination wasn't asked about. It was as if she wanted this as much as me, to get away and breathe. So that when we were in the car and I swung into traffic, Regina stared out the window whilst the wind gushed in. Only for some time though.

For more than half the time we took to get to Pete's, she couldn't stop looking at me. Her cheeks were wiped with the sleeves of the denim jacket and were flushed. No makeup on, she looked so beautiful, I just couldn't connect my attention to her face. Dark hair that was disheveled and flapping in the wind. A little silver ring I had given her about two months ago that wasn't really silver but she always wore it. A tiny heart that was stained red and now it reminded me of how powerful the color of red was.

I had chosen a red jersey for her because somehow, love always has a funny way of snaking its way back into our minds no matter how hard the storm was raging. The color of love was red. Dad always used to tell me that. And even though I was still angry at her, she still made me think of how much I loved her by existing. By being there with me. When I parked outside the place, I realized that it was the best move to bring her with me because in more ways than one, I needed us to be together.

Maybe it was just my observation, but Neal nor Will didn't seem to notice anything unusual about Regina when we walked in and joined them. The former basically was hyped to the fullest about the game and the phone, whilst the latter kept eyeing this strawberry blonde who was seated by the bar. Killian was and always would be the most definite one to detect a change of mood in any woman. And from the moment he embraced her, a frown was shown.

I moved to check out the box seated upon the vacant pool table and glanced at the two of them.

"All's not well," he said, studying her face, still squeezing her shoulders. "What happened to bring on this saddened look in your eyes?"

She shrugged, lips bitten.

"Work or personal?"

To answer his question, her eyes sought out mine and from the time that happened, he knew. He turned to look at me and I sent him a bland look. Then turning back to Will who was staring at the box with excited eyes, I tried to focus on what was happening right there.

"We were walking home," Neal began to explain, leaning over the table whilst the sound of laughter filled the air from another table, "and then we saw this kitten just sitting there. A tiny white, scrawny demon, with its paws covered in mud or something."

"What does a kitten have to do with this?" I gestured at the box with the image of the Samsung Phone on the top.

"The kitten led us to the merchandise," he held out a hand as if gesturing to an invisible pathway, smiling like a lunatic, "to a black plastic bag, just lying there like a chest of gold, in an alleyway."

"I don't know what's crazier to believe," my throat ached still and I felt irritated, "the fact that you followed a cat into an alleyway or the fact that you were lucky enough to just come across a box with a brand new phone inside a plastic bag, in an alleyway."

"The box wasn't in the bag," Neal stared at me. "There was a note in the bag."

"Now you're just being ridiculous," I rolled my eyes.

He laughed and playfully slapped me on my right arm. "Yeah, not that much into a treasure hunting game. But we're telling the truth. The damn phone was inside the bag."

"Someone could have been robbed," I pointed out, lifting the flap on the box and noting the phone lying there. "In the alleyway. Robbed after just buying this and then probably he or she ran for his life."

"That doesn't bother us, does it, Willy?" he turned to face Will who stared back.

"Not at all. Not one bit. Their loss, ain't it?"

"Killian, you in or not?" Neal threw a look at our friend perched on the edge of a table, talking to Regina. "It's a long way from your lame piece of crap Nokia, so haul yourself in."

"I'll have you know," Killian slid off from the table and Regina gazed at me, "that my Nokia has fallen into water, taken the hard path through four years and never has it quit on me."

"It has no color, one game and it makes you take like half an hour to send one line of text."

"No wonder women used to hang onto my every text," Killian flashed us a handsome smile, "it is all about the anticipation in waiting. I used to make them wait. They craved even more because of the lapse in time."

Used to.

He referred to his actions in the past tense and I immediately wondered if he was really dating Chad on a serious note.

"Regina, you don't mind keeping score, do you?" Neal smiled at her whilst aiming his pool stick, back bent.

She accepted the score pad and blinked at me. I stared back, noted Killian watching us and diverted my eyes to reach for a stick as well.

For the entire stretch of six games, we were tied, gripped by the throat and sweating. Drinks were ordered, and still, nothing seemed to loosen up the atmosphere whilst the box was stared at hard with beady eyes. Neal played a good game with determination and Will grew nervous, hitting with a clumsy aim. Eventually, one slip up caused them to lose and I was left to face off Killian who eyed me with hooded eyes.

"What?" I noted how he paced the floor on the other side of the table, squeezing the stick between slim fingers. "Scared of losing?"

"You are no match for me."

"Oh really?" I scoffed.

"Playing as a pair, we're a good team. But playing against each other, the advantage is on my side." He smiled. "Obviously."

"We'll see about that," I straightened up and flexed my arms.

"I can already taste it," Neal whispered from behind me, "Taylor Swift's 'Bad Blood' will be ringing in their heads after tonight."

"Nah," I licked my lips and grinned at Killian. "He'll take it like a man. When I walk away with the prize."

"What you fail to realize, Swan, is that my eyesight is like an eagle. I wear no glasses whilst yours may eventfully slip down your nose, causing a problem."

"All these excuses he's coming up with," I glanced at Will who sat defeated, pouting, shoulders hunched and staring at his Blackberry. "All talks but hardly any action most times."

"Paul," Killian clicked his fingers in the bartender's direction, a beefy man with a head of curly hair, wiping glasses, "turn the music up, mate. Things are about to get heated in here."

Very soon, Tina Turner's 'Better be good to me', filled the bar and I hopped on the spot, trying to loosen my shoulders. I had thought about it, what Regina was thinking in her mind about the phone up for grabs between the four of us. But apparently it seemed that she had too much on her mind already to even care about the phone's origin. I was still being looked at with these softened brown eyes and she blinked so slowly at me, for a while, my competitive spirit was weakened.

"Place your bets," Killian asked around, "Swan or myself?"

"Emma," Neal said, shrugging.

Killian raised his eyebrows. "I foresee your regret in that decision."

"Because I pity you, I'll choose you," Will said, forcing out a smile at him.

I snickered, lips bitten.

"Well obviously the lady in red will stand on board beside me," he was so sure. "Don't be ashamed, Regina. Take my side and do so because you know, Swan is no match for a handsome fellow as myself."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "It doesn't matter who they choose, I'm going to win this fair and square."

"The pathway of this game is set by the woman in red," Killian gestured with a smile. "Place your bet, owner of a pair of eyes worth drowning in."

He was barefacedly flirting with her to gain a vote and it was so hilarious.

"Fine," she sighed, hugging herself, scorecard in her lap and eyes focused on me. "I'll bet on..."

Obviously it was me.

"Killian," she said.

I stared back and felt my heart do a flip flop but hey, even if my own girlfriend didn't vote for me then I still had Neal's good wishes. He sent me a thumbs up sign and the game began whilst I really and truly shook her choice off. It didn't bother me at all. And I bet that she wanted it to. But it didn't.

Fifteen minutes in and I wanted to pee so badly, squeezing my legs together was becoming overbearing. My grip on the stick slackened and knowing that the urge was growing stronger, I announced the need to use the washroom.

"And to be sure of no cheating," taking out my phone, I took a photo of the layout of the balls.

"Mate, I would never sway the game in my favor by cheating," Killian assured me. "Never."

"Yeah right." I handed Neal my stick and rushed off to use the washroom.

When I was now walking out of the stall, headed for the sink, I found her leaning against the wall, arms folded. She had this look in her eyes that signaled a swirl of emotions that weren't new to me. Worry and fear, sadness. A little bit of passion that rippled and tickled my body with desire. I washed my hands with some soap that smelt like blueberries.

"Play with strategy," she said to me in her husky voice, standing there like my conscience or something. "Don't push it, but concentrate on his moves."

She started to feed me tips on what to do with the game and I listened without speaking because that's what I wanted.

"I'm on your side, as obvious as it is. But soothing his ego was quite enjoyable."

I reached for a paper towel. "Not my problem who you side with. You make decisions for you. I'm only consulted."

The main fact that I used her words back as a weapon stunned a mind that was set on getting a rise out of me. Because I turned the tables around and manned the moment. Scrunching the towel up, I flung it into the red waste basket.

"I said things that were out of line today," she hugged herself and came towards me slowly. "I know that."

"Taking what happened between you and Robin and fucking up what we have," I said out of anger, my chest sizzling. "I made a mistake by jumping to conclusions that you were sneaking a cup of coffee with him just to catch up. But it gave you no right to lie to me. I needed to know the truth. There are things that I need to know, right away because if you need me, then I need to know when and where you are. I need to know."

"I understand that but I wasn't thinking in that way earlier."

"Jesus, Regina," I raked fingers already growing numb through my hair, "you drive me so insane. I need to know where you are and what's going on. I don't want any ugly surprises."

She inhaled deeply. "Lying wasn't the correct path to take. But there was hesitation on my part to speak the truth because of your feelings. I sidestepped what happened to muffle the rage. I'll admit that but -"

In other words, I was known to blow up just like that. No lid couldn't cover up my explosions, as if I was some kind of a freak or I needed anger management lessons. That was enough to piss me off because there were two sides to this conversation. She should have known that my conflicting feelings in regards to the person in question were justified. Whereas I saw it as that, Regina was magnifying the way I would handle the situation.

"I don't need you or anyone to spare me the truth," I pointed out, glaring at her. "I don't need you to lie to me because you feel that I'm going to blow off by the mention of his name because I will and I always will. He's shit and my opinion on him will never change. He basically came like the angel of death to deliver some shitty news to you and the first thing you did is to hide as much as possible from me."

"Emma, I am not -"

"When you should have trusted me enough to know that if you told me straight away, that I'd always take your side and I'd remind you of how worthless he is. That's what I do. I remind you of your worth, no matter how much he or your family tries to mess with your head. Turning the tables on me," my voice cracked. "Telling me that I have a problem because I need you. And I'm insecure because of what happened today."

"I'm sorry," she said for the umpteenth time that evening, eyes clouding with tears. "Please forgive me for what I did, the things that I said."

"I can't do that right now," my head was shaken, and I held back the tears.

"Emma..." she took one step towards me and I stepped back just like that. I didn't want to. It wasn't my intention to do so but it just happened and Regina stared at me with a shocked look.

"I can't do that as yet because..." I inhaled deeply. "Because it feels as if I'm still on a trial version. And I failed because I just want you around." I watched her chest heaved. "I fail in comparison to your amazing job and your title and your past. And something's wrong. This isn't about Robin alone. This is about so much more. Stuff you choose to ignore as if I'm not even worth it anymore."

"How can you say that to me?"

"Because it's the truth at this point."

"No it isn't," she croaked, "that's what you think."

"That's how you treat us."

"No. That's not true."

"When was the last time you kissed me?" I felt my eyes cloud with tears, felt how ruined I was inside. "When was the last time we had lunch together or we had dinner together? After that night when you danced with me and we came out to the public, to everyone at work, you pushed me away and it's like everything is taken for granted. I need you," I could feel my voice breaking, "can't you see that? I need you to hold me. I want to do the same for you. And you just stay at work, for three extra hours, finding things to do."

"I have things to do."

"Of course you do," I shook my head, voice cracking. "You don't want to go home to me, do you?"

She breathed through her lips and tears leaked down her face. I was stared at. "What? Why would you even think that, Emma?"

"Because that's the way I see it. And chances are, I'm wrong but that's how I feel. That's how I...feel. So you can stay away from me. Stay for as long as you want away from me but I just want you to know that I'm always there waiting for you. And some day, there will come a time when you force us to realize how much time we didn't spend with each other. Or maybe I'll be counting those hours by myself because that's what I always do. And if that makes me insecure, then so be it. But I'm not the one who takes us for granted."

I just began to walk out but she came after me.

"That is not fair," Regina said, snatching my right shoulder and spinning me around. "I have never taken you for granted, or us. I have taken everything we have seriously, in my heart. And no matter what you think, no matter what your doubts tell you, you're everything to me."

"You do take me for granted. You do it all the time, Regina," my throat ached so bad and I couldn't stand it. "There's this wall between us that's getting thicker. And I don't know what the hell to do about it."

She stared at me without speaking. Her eyes were filled with tears.

"Let me go," I croaked, lowering my head and swallowing hard. "I need to get back outside."

"Don't do this to me," she whispered. Both my shoulders were taken and she came in, her chest heaving. Our foreheads were rested together, my hands hanging limp down my sides. "Emma, I can't...breathe without you."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm always there but you never see or pay attention to me," I said, feeling her warm breath kissing my face. "I just want to get back to the game."

"You're trying to get away from me."

"I need it."

"No, you don't." She rubbed our noses together, squeezing my arms. "Because I need you."

I reached up, took a hold of her fingers and gently removed them from touching me. Eyes fixated on her, I took a deep breath. "There's a first time for everything," I said as she stared at me. "Just for once, I'd like you to feel how it feels to need me but somehow, I'm not there as much as you want me to. And that moment is now."

Turning around, I just walked away.

The feeling was heavy but needed because at some point, she had to understand something. She had to know that something was wrong. Something was wrong with us and I could only fix so much. I could be there, I could wait, I could call and if there was no one there, no one waiting, no one on the other end, then there was only so much I could do.

Losing the game was something I could not avoid.

When I lost, I basically patted Killian on his back and the three of them knew that something was wrong with me. It was the look on my face mostly, the kink in my posture. I dragged my feet to a chair by the table whilst she sat down and scrubbed at her eyes. And they studied the scene in silence. By then, Neal picked up fast and would always do what he was good at.

He wanted to make things right in any way he could. They all did.

Ordering shots was his way of trying to do something that night.

I drank a shot of Tequila and then welcomed the burning sensation down my throat. She couldn't even drink out her glass of fruit juice, playing with the straw and gazing at me whilst I was quite aware of the attention but didn't even return it. Instead, I sucked up three beers. I attempted a fourth one and felt my head swing. By the time I was watering down Vodka with plenty of ice, it was almost midnight and then it happened so suddenly.

The next thing I knew, the doors were being pushed open at the front of the bar and two men walked in.

Of course my vision wasn't 20/20 but I was paying attention, even through the haze created by drinking. From the moment I realized that it was Chad, coming in with his arm draped around another man, my heart kind of flung itself up and woke up my brain.

He was laughing but then when his eyes found us, the happiness was wiped away.

Killian stared. He dropped his pool stick.

I felt my head sway from left to right and swallowed hard.

Without saying a word, Killian briskly walked to the table, reached for his black leather jacket, eyes lowered.

"I bid you all a good night," he muttered before heading to the door.

Will stood up and stared and then followed whilst Neal sent me a look.

"Fuck," Chad swore, his eyes following Killian out the door.

Added to that, Regina suddenly rose up, pressed a tissue to her lips. "I'll be in the car," she said to no one in particular. And then her footsteps were traced after Killian.

At least she didn't say that a cab would be hailed.

I thought to myself, if this day wasn't cursed or something then my life and apparently Killian's life was probably taking a turn for the worst. Probably there was a full moon outside or something because everything was wrong about that day. Something was really wrong and the more she kept looking at me, the more I realized that I was going to be sick to my stomach the next day and there wasn't any possibility of me sleeping a wink that night.


	24. Little 'Miss Hard To Get'

**Excerpt:**

" ** _Will you have dinner with me tonight?"_**

" ** _I can't," I said, shocking myself and feeling numb inside._**

" ** _You can't or you wouldn't?"_**

* * *

"You weren't supposed to do that," Killian couldn't meet Chad's eyes. "You're not allowed to do that. Fuck!"

I stood by the double doors leading outside of the bar, in the shadows and studied the scene. Regina was leaning against my car, hugging herself and gazing at me with this look, if it could be described in one word, I'd label the moment as intense. Chad was standing there in front of a deranged Killian who had slipped into his leather jacket and was completely bruised. The guy, whoever he was, had remained inside the bar.

The moment was remembered clearly. It was drizzling, Killian's jacket sprinkled with droplets and I was so cold. I couldn't look at Regina, just couldn't, because there was this part inside of me that felt so raw, knowing I had fucked up. It's always like that, isn't it? No matter what happens, whether the person you love is wrong or not, there is this guilt that eats your heart up. A raw sensation.

Chad was speechless.

Killian stared back finally. I could tell from his clenched fists that he was fighting to compose himself.

"I fucked up." Chad's eyes were moist from tears. "I fucked up. I didn't know that –"

"You're so unbelievable. How dense can one get?" his words were direct, tone stiff. "Seriously. Studying? Is he your study buddy? Is he?" Killian closed he distance between the two of them. "Take things lightly, I was told. To give you space, which you are abusing every second of every day."

"You have no idea –"

"No! I don't have any kind of idea, do I?" Killian's voice was raised dangerously. "I never have any possible idea in relation to your feelings or your struggles, your pain. Everything, I am taken for granted. Every single thing. And the most hurtful part is, you lied." The last sentence was uttered in a rush, his voice growing lower. "You lied, Chad. You…lied…to me."

"I…" Chad swallowed. He blinked and just for a couple seconds, it happened. This moment was reached where he seemed to appear exactly like his mother, face expression and all. When she was cornered, or severely hurt, and there was nowhere to go, Regina could freeze up, her eyes becoming unfocused, chest heaving.

"It takes two people, mate," Killian stepped up closer and Chad remained where he was, fingers twitching. "Two people. And if you're going to fuck me over, then at least let me give up on hope and move on."

"I'm sorry," Chad whispered. His lips were licked. "Can we at least talk this through and –"

"Currently, as it stands, right here, I'm done talking with you. I've had enough," Killian announced, his voice wavering. "I've had enough, Chad. And maybe it is best if we stopped talking –"

"Killian, no," he interrupted, his voice breaking as well. "No, please. I don't want to do that."

"Then you should have done better."

"He's just my friend!"

"Oh and I suppose you lick behind the ears of all your friends. Sod off," and with that, Killian departed our company, taking the sidewalk in long strides, his movements brisk, graceful, back stiff as a poker.

We both watched Chad shove the doors open, and he strode into the bar, leaving me in the company of his mother. Of course, her eyes were, again, latched on me, never looking away. But gazing. She made my heart stop, by just being there, against my car, hugging herself and allowing a tear to escape. Lips parted, I remained her direct focus point for some time.

"Emma," she whispered from across the distance.

"Yeah." I chewed the inside of my cheeks. It was a nervous habit of mine.

There it was. Her chest heaved. She couldn't contain her emotions any longer. "Come back to me. I need you…so much…right now."

"Looks like we'll get a thunderstorm later," I said instead, eyes focused on the greying sky. "Mom always said I'm in tune with nature. The weather always matches how I feel."

"Okay."

"Funny thing is, there should have been lots of hail too. But it's New York." And with that, I turned around and headed inside to bid the guys farewell.

Returning outside, she waited on me to unlock her side of the car and slipped in. We drove in silence. We climbed the steps in silence. Nothing happened, nothing at all. Just…space…filled with silence.

x

x

It wasn't my intention to avoid her. But I did.

This particular level is reached where your patience wears thin. Not that there is no concern for the other person's feelings buried deep within you. But a point is reached where I needed to just be by myself for a while. I needed to not see her face or hear her speak about what had happened. My heart needed to heal and she wasn't giving me any kind of space. None at all.

The following morning when I got up, and was in the process of scrubbing my eyes, she came into focus. Sitting right on the bed and just gazing at me as if my every move had been watched for a very long time. When I noted the redness in her brown eyes and the tear stained cheeks, it was evident that both of us were going to have a miserable day.

"Good morning, sweetheart," she said hoarsely, reaching out to caress my face with cupped fingers. "How did you sleep?"

As if nothing had happened.

I rolled over on my other side, and stared at the window where the sun's rays filtered in through the red blinds. Feeling so raw inside forced me to wonder if I really had slept at all because dreams couldn't be recalled. There was just this black night with nothing but this numbness that wouldn't go away. My fingertips were numb still and I wanted to just melt away. I wanted to go somewhere and be by myself.

"I didn't sleep last night," she croaked, playing with my hair behind my shoulders. "I couldn't sleep. I had...racing thoughts and awful nightmares. All about us. About losing you and what would happen if I just woke up and you were gone."

There was a desperate need in me to get up, take a shower and haul my ass off to work because I couldn't stay in there. So crawling out of bed without saying a word, I reached for my towel and slipped into the shower.

How in the world could you reach a point in your life where you felt unwanted even when the very person you loved was right in the room with you? Knowing that she wanted you, listening to her say just that. And yet, your body ached to be yanked away. You wanted to be alone suddenly. You wanted space. I wanted space. I wanted to be alone.

My heart was racing when she pulled the yellow curtain decorated with red apples and gazed at me. The hot water covered my aching body, suds already covering the tiled floors. In a manner of speaking, it was like trying to throw away another layer again and allowing it to be washed the drains. Somehow believing to myself that I could feel loads better by allowing the warmth to cover me.

Regina peeled off her clothes and those eyes roamed my body. It reached a point where I couldn't stop myself from looking at her too, standing there, completely naked and awaiting some kind of an invitation. When was the last time she had been that exposed to me? A couple of weeks ago?

What the hell was happening to us?

I sighed, reaching for the knob of the shower. Turning it on heavy, the crackle of the curtain alerted me on her entering the space and even before I could register what was happening, those soft hands were on me. But not in the slightest way to initiate a love making session, No. I stared at her whilst she eased the yellow scrub from between my fingers. And with our eyes locked, my body was soaped slowly. Gently.

Distance was kept between us, enough to force out this passion inside of me to just reach out for her. To draw us closer. It was tempting but fought with.

"You're so beautiful," she whispered, slowly blinking at me, water drops leaking from her lashes. "Need I remind you?"

I didn't reply.

The scrub moved between my breasts and I stopped breathing. It was the obvious feeling of knowing that I was being lured in, knowing that she wanted me so badly. That much was evident but like I said, something had to be done. Something had to happen between the two of us that would spark up change. And even when the green suds squeezed through her fingers whilst going further south, I could only stare back. Her dark hair clung to honey colored skin and those lips quivered. Our chests heaved.

When it was my turn to lather her body that was on fire already with soap, she moved in closer. I took my time just as was done onto me, by slowly massaging her back and allowing her to curl into my arms.

It was something that couldn't be avoided. The way Regina came in and wrapped her arms around my wet body without letting go. Face buried into my neck, hot breath kissing skin that was already tingling, she latched those soft lips onto my earlobe and sucked. Her teeth followed, grazing a pathway down my jawline whilst I just gave in.

Just imagine how breathtaking it was for me to feel those fingers slip inside easily because I was already so wet. My legs were shaky and there was no struggle. How in the world could I even push her away? There was this need in me to be satisfied, to welcome and open up. Even when her thrusting began in such a tormented fashion, I yearned for it. Moving inside of me, fingers kinked and picking up pace. My lips parted whilst I clung onto her and kissed dark, wet hair.

We could have drowned under the beating of the shower because none of us were breathing. Choking on passion and knowing that we were still struggling with our demons, the moment was blissful. It was enough to send me racing down a path that shook my body with orgasms and she gradually followed. Even without my hands between her soft legs, Regina came hard, trembling in my arms and burying her hoarse moans into my neck. Over and over again we let ourselves go, hands wrapped around each other and becoming so captivated in the moment. Hips jerking and fingers digging into wet skin.

But she knew that sex couldn't make up for what had gone wrong between us. It was obvious in the way we prepared for work, in silence and occasionally glancing at each other. Whilst she fitted herself into a sexy black pants suit with a matching long sleeved jacket, I chose a yellow short sleeved shirt and a blue pencil skirt.

"I'll do whatever it takes to get you to speak to me again," she said in that throaty voice of hers, sitting on the bed with one leg up. I watched those cute toes slip into a pair of black stockings. "Just wait and see."

"I just need space," I told her without our eyes meeting.

"How much?" There was the sound of her keys jingling.

"I don't know." My throat felt so raw.

"Seconds, minutes, hours, days, a week, a month..." that was Regina. When you least expected her to talk too much, she'd push those words just to keep you hanging on. She'd hold onto the moment and do whatever it took to keep you in there with her.

"I don't know," I repeated, grabbing my red leather jacket.

"Have lunch with me then?" her voice took on a pitch that I hadn't heard in a long time, a girly pitch. As if she was suddenly playful and I didn't like it.

Moving to the doorway, I sucked in enough air. "Not today," I muttered.

"Tomorrow then." I was followed. "Dinner. Tonight."

"We never do those things anymore," I felt angered, stopping by the door. "It's been a while. So don't go out of your way suddenly to make a difference. I don't want it right now. Just leave me alone."

"I can't leave you alone,'" her voice was unsteady as we went to the elevator. "Not when you're like this. Not when you're..." my right arm was snatched and I was spun around, "...avoiding me. Deliberately. Because I screwed up. Fine." She nodded. "But we're in this together and chances are, we're stuck with each other for a lifetime. So whether you like it or not, Emma, you're going to have to give me a chance at some point to get back inside."

"Not now," I wanted to cry.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, tears filling her brown eyes. "I'll keep saying it. I'll keep tormenting you. I'll keep getting into your space because that's what I want."

It actually made me laugh and I believed that the sound startled her.

"Funny that you suddenly want that when one thing keeps coming to mind all the time." I got into the elevator. "The fact that you had so many times to get into my space and so many times I was left to watch the movie out by myself or gaze at you sleep. Trying to make sense of your silence."

"Emma."

"I need my damn space," I said to her without our eyes meeting. "To clear my head. To refresh myself. To think. Stop talking to me."

She stared for a long time in my direction. I could feel how heated the atmosphere in the elevator was getting, sweat dampening the collar of my shirt. At some point, we reached the ground floor and got off together. Not a word was said. Nothing at all. I went to my car. She approached her driver and was obviously expecting me to get in with her.

But I didn't.

"Emma, this is ridiculous! Stop behaving like this! It is annoying me, putting a strain on my damn mood." Her fists clenched. My keys jingled. "Get in the car."

Feeling stubborn, I did as she feared. I felt like a petulant child.

I drove off and still she stood there by the opened car door, gazing at me.

x

x

Keeping up on her promise was something that stunned me in every possible way. And it wasn't the fact that she continuously tried to bring our broken pieces back together. I wouldn't even label her gestures as any kind of bribery because with every passing day, Regina melted my aching heart.

I got to work and had a small box containing a delicious dark fudge chocolate cupcake delivered to me. First thing I said to myself was, she was not going to win me back with gifts. There was nothing to win back because she already had me. What I wanted was for her to realize that we couldn't come to an end just like that. But something needed to be remedied. Even with the delivery of a fresh rose on my desk after lunch that day, I still wondered if she'd get the message. Sitting in my cubicle, I pulled the yellow card from the yellow flower and opened it.

**The first day I saw you, I wasn't aware of what happened to me exactly, but I was sure of one thing. That you were going to be the beginning of every dream and the reason my heart raced again.**

**With so much love,**

**Regina**

Tears came. I lowered my head and clutched the rose between trembling fingers, realizing in that moment, that I was never going to be given up on. Some way or the other, she'd find every possible way to get me back, no matter how angry we were at each other.

My phone vibrated just then and it was a message from her on WhatsApp.

**I will never fall asleep again with you when we're watching a movie. I'll use scotch tape to hold my eyes open. xoxo.**

"Having a bad day?" Peter reared his head around the wall of the cubicle and frowned. My phone was locked and pushed aside.

I sighed. "Yeah." Oh so bad. I don't need to talk to you, bad. Go back to work, bad.

"Same here." There was the squeak of the wheels on his chair as he moved closer. "I feel as if there's a fucking sign on me that says 'hey! Don't date this fucking asshole! He's a wanker' or some shit."

I cracked a smile. "That bad, huh?"

"If?" It was his turn to sigh. "She could have told me what I did wrong. I was just blocked."

After asking him who he was referring to, I was told that it was this girl on Facebook he had become friends with.

"Well…did you remember what you said to her? Did you say something bad?"

"No!" his eyes were beady. "I sent her a nude and then she just LOL'd me. I mean…fuck."

I snorted and turned back to my computer. "What's up with you dudes sending nudes these days? Sheesh."

"Well sending one with my chest wasn't enough. Plus she sent one with her boobs. She's got this…rack, Emma," he gestured to like a 38B pair of boobs.

"Maybe it's not even hers."

"It's…hers. All hers. And I was all in for the boobs. The boobs made me FRIEND REQUEST her. The…boobs. Titties."

"Oh geez," I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"Don't tell me you never added chicks or liked photos because of the boobs."

"Not…really."

"Liessssss," he hissed.

"Silence," Larry's voice was loud enough and we froze up, "my ladies. Silence whilst we work is golden."

"You had to like at least one photo with a pair of watermelons," Peter wouldn't give up. "At least one."

I shook my head. Larry was staring at us.

"Look, I have never –"

"Just because Regina has a good enough pair. Screw you, man." He flicked my left ear and I scowled at him. "Lucky bastard."

"Peter, stop being so thirsty," Anthony beamed at us. "Guys who call 'down there' the 'Terry' are bound to meet obstacles."

"It's the 'Kelly', you ass face," Peter glared. "The….Kelly."

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth, Peter?" Jack's head appeared three cubicles away.

"Maybe she's really not into pimples," Anthony added. There were a couple of snorts from around us. I ducked low and squeezed in my laugh. "You need to utilize the zooming function, Peter."

"Look, fuck you, man."

"Zoom in on that noodle and show the world," Jack whispered with a wicked smile.

Peter lunged out of his chair and pounced on Jack whose chair wheeled back and collided with Anthony's. The scene made me almost fall out of mine.

"Men," Larry cleared his throat. "Might I remind you that I have the authority to sign your termination letters?" He lifted a yellow folder on his desk. "They're all here. Ready for me to sign them. Who wants to go first? Hmm?"

x

x

I went home that afternoon and basically shrugged off my red leather jacket, preparing myself mentally to be alone for three hours. Staring around the empty apartment, nothing was out of place. It made me wonder how different things could appear on the outside. Things that didn't have life. They'd remain there in their positions until someone moved them. And only then would change happen.

In a way it wasn't no different for us who breathed and lived.

We remained stagnant until someone happened to us. Until someone changed us and swept us off our feet. Only then we began to see how different the world could be through a fresh pair of eyes. Only then would we ever be known of our worth, when someone else sees us as such an important matter.

Just as I was unbuttoning my shirt, wondering if SpongeBob was on or Scooby Doo, the sound of the door opening and closing startled me.

I remained frozen, feet rooted to the red carpet and stared at the opened bedroom door whilst the sound of the alarm being enabled drifted to my ears. Maybe it was Chad? But wasn't he supposed to be in Los Angeles for a court hearing that was part of his syllabus? It could never be Kay because she was in Miami with Ron.

I'll tell you this, from the moment she stepped into the bedroom and our eyes met, I literally grew so weak, my head began to spin.

"Hi," she smiled at me and seemed so cheerful, I couldn't breathe but stared back. "How was your day?"

It had happened. For one day afterwards, the message had been received and somehow, I fought the urge to speak to her because of one reason. My voice was snatched away and squeezed to become nonexistent. Supposedly, things did happen when we least expected them to, didn't they?

My chest heaved.

She allowed a few seconds to slip by with the connection remaining between us and then her jacket was shrugged off. It was just five thirty and this was really happening. We were here together, somehow everything just suddenly fitted into place and I felt my eyes tearing up.

"Oh my day was fine, Regina," her head danced from side to side whilst she peeled off her black silk shirt, eyes focused on the vanity sprinkled with perfumes. "I really, really enjoyed the cupcake you sent me. And do you know, if I could have another one then that would be perfectly ideal."

I couldn't help but smile.

"Not forgetting the rose," she lifted a finger, back as stiff as a poker and turned to me, "it was so romantic. Just the fact that you managed to seek out a yellow rose, knowing that it is my favorite color, Regina, the gesture really melted my heart. But then I read the note..."

A step was taken to me.

"I read the note and I feel the same way. Quite intense such few words were, words that brought a tear to my eye."

Reaching for my hands, she took them into hers and squeezed gently, pulling us together. I could feel my heart racing, knew that above everything else, here was my beginning and it would always remain this way. No matter what, we always came back, unfolding into each other and slipping out of the darkened cloak that contained anger, doubts.

"You're welcome," Regina rested our foreheads together and smiled warmly, "Miss Sexy Swan. More than welcome. Now what should we do together?"

Wrapping my arms around her without a word, I embraced the one person who more than mattered to me. Above everything else in the world, she was my entirety, completing me. Every second of every day, there was her, in my mind and soul. And burying my face into her dark hair that smelt like watermelons, I lingered in that moment for as long as we could. Squeezing her closer and feeling how she moaned, our hearts sighing.

"At some point, you're going to have to talk to me," my face was taken between her palms, "we're going to have to talk about yesterday. Even if we make intense, passionate love to each other as I want more than ever right now, the hurt will still remain. Therefore, let us talk over dinner. I brought your favorite home. Guess what it is."

My shoulders were squeezed and I studied her face, wondering how she could be radiating with so much happiness and love. Something had changed in her. The bags under those brown eyes were disappearing, and there wasn't a kink in her posture. Somehow she seemed to be letting go of so much stress, even though we had left each other basically wounded last night and this morning was just an aching inside of us that needed to be satisfied.

So much for wanting space, huh? I was never going to get any. Never.

She bought us two burgers with fries and shakes, apple for herself and orange for me.

Spreading paper towels upon the table on the balcony, Regina fixed the food neatly whilst I held onto the railings and studied the hustle and bustle of New York below. The wind raked its cool fingers through my hair, and kissed a face that had gone numb from having this fear inside of me. Of losing something so amazing and having someone walk out without trying.

"Let's talk."

I turned around to find her holding onto the back of the black chair with a red leather seat, awaiting me to join the table. When it was managed, there I remained and tried to eliminate the hunger that had built up for the entire day. I hadn't eaten lunch. I couldn't even eat during the day and as she slowly began to ease me into the moment with her softened eyes, the need for food came back.

"I thought I told you what I wanted."

"Oh you mean in the shower?" she smirked at me. "When we made love, desperately yearning to be touched by each other? Yes, your thrusting fingers said enough to me."

"This isn't funny." I stared.

"No it isn't. I agree." There was a nod. "It is a very pressing matter to discuss."

"I don't want to talk to you," I said.

"But you're already speaking to me so why not continue? Or rather, why not sit down and have me do all the talking?"

"For once that's a change," I said sarcastically. My chest heaved.

"Oh must we bicker like two teenagers, back in high school again?" Her juice shake was reached for. "There's too much negative energy between us. It's like static. And it's not good for us."

Folding my arms, I stared towards the railing and watched the skyscrapers in the fading glow of the afternoon's sun.

"My honey bunches of oats." I was smiled at. She was trying so hard to be funny but it wasn't working.

Like seriously, what the hell? Staring, she proceeded to show some teeth and it was beginning to piss me off. Me and my cranky self.

"Emma," her husky voice sang, "my Emma."

"Is this a joke to you?" I stared.

"Sweetheart, relax."

"Don't call me sweetheart in a moment like this. And don't tell me to relax."

Her smile disappeared and we locked eyes. A couple seconds slipped by in silence. Of course I had achieved exactly what was intended.

"I'm guessing that cheerful talk isn't going to be successful at this point."

"You think?" mimicking her famous expression, my eyebrows were arched.

"Then let me cut straight to the point and let us have this conversation right now."

"Awesome," I deliberately stretched my mouth into a fake smile. "Let's do that right now."

"You said something that really bruised me, Emma," her voice was low and of a hoarse quality, a fry dipped into ketchup clipped between two fingers. "That I was staying at work after hours because I didn't want to come home to you."

I lowered my focus and blinked.

"You know deep down inside that none of it is true. The reason why I stay at work is to take care of a whole range of things that are endless. Meetings to paperwork to overseeing projects and ever since the auditors are here and the board is being investigated, I am sifting through numbers and following paper trails. None of that was linked to you. I would never sit in that office purposely to avoid you, sweetheart and I need you to understand that."

I felt tears cloud my eyes and couldn't even chew.

"Everything else that happened in regards to Robin, I fully take the blame for that. With a sleepless night, my mind spun out of control and I was tormented by the things I did. The things I said to you. You were right and you always will be in regards to him. Robin unleashed this insecurity, this rage inside of me that I focused on you because I believed that no one could truly understand what was happening to me. Having everything taken away, and the few things that remain, somehow, none of them mattered yesterday to a point where I channeled undeserving hate in your direction."

Horns blared below and the hum of traffic continued, people heading home from work, from school.

"I lied to you and I am so sorry. I should have told you straight away what had happened. Funny how life fucks me up by having you pass right by there, just in time to catch a glimpse of Robin and I together. Forcing me to rethink my actions and to spiral out of control. Everything you said last night, Emma, every single word, I have taken it like a grain of salt. The way you were completely angry with me, so much hurt showing in your eyes. I wish I could take back yesterday...or rewind it...I came home and handed you a mirror. I said things that describe me. I am insecure."

"No, you're not," I said finally, lifting my eyes to meet hers. "Probably yesterday but never permanently."

"You're wrong."

"You're my rock," I inhaled deeply and saw how my words swayed her. "Every time you're with me, I feel so strong and complete. And when you're gone, I just want you back. I want you to just be with me, longer that you usually do."

Resting her elbows on the table, she captured a face washed over with such focus on me into both hands.

"Is something wrong with that? Is something wrong with me...wanting you so much?"

"No," she croaked, shaking her head. "Nothing is wrong with that at all."

"I want more," I said, my voice trembling.

Regina shook her head at me, and inhaled deeply, lips pressed together. A few seconds elapsed and this struggle occurred within those brown eyes, obviously trying to muffle an outburst or something because I was pushing her. That much was evident.

"I want more. I want you more. I want so much more of everything."

"A fresh heart that yearns for love and constant affection always wants more," she smiled at me, but I knew that it wasn't supposed to display warmth, "I was like that at your age. I wanted the world from people and I wanted them to always be there for me. But look at what crashed into my life." She shrugged. "I was handed off to a man who I never wished to marry, and forced to start a family. He was never home when I needed him. Always at the club playing pools or chasing the next colorful personality attached to some random woman."

"So you're trying to protect yourself or something by turning the tables around on me?" I stared back, throat aching.

"That is hardly the point," she said in a clipped tone. "Stop taking the defensive stance in relation to me." It wasn't fair.

"No, I want to know right now if this is some defensive strategy you're pulling me through. Because it's shit. I'm not Robin, I am myself. And if it's one thing that I've learned from life, as young as I am," I added sarcastically, anger like flames licking me inside, "is that if you take something for granted and you choose to avoid it, then chances are, it's going to slip away from you."

"I don't take you for granted!"

"Yes, you do!" I retorted.

Tears clouded her eyes and she stared at me, lips parted.

"I get that you were treated unfairly when you were with him, because he wasn't there for you and he acted like a frigging asshole, never giving you all the attention you needed but you have no right to treat me the same way. I'm not a toy. I'm sick of going round and round with this same issue over and over again because it's stressing me out. You don't even take a day off during the week to have us spend time together. You don't even wait around for us to eat breakfast together or for us to eat dinner together. I'm sick of this."

"You're going to break us up," she stared at me, "Just because I have to work late most times."

"I'm not the one breaking us up," I said, feeling broken inside. "You are."

"So this is all my fault then," her voice grew hoarser. "Everything. Is my fault. Every single thing. Whatever I do, there is always a problem, isn't there?"

"If you take all the blame then fine by me." My arms remained folded. "You're the self-righteous one most times. Always doing what you want, when you want."

"This is unfair!" she cried, her eyes flashing but tearing up. "How dare you label me as such, speak to me in such a harsh way?"

"Because it's the truth!" I belted back.

"You wish to control my life, to somehow tell me what I must do and when I must work. As if it is all up to you. And it isn't."

"If you can't see the fault in your words, then clearly something is wrong here," I was bitter.

"What do you want from me, Emma? My heart in your hands to keep constantly? Do you want me glued to you? Is that what you want? Answer me!"

I refused to answer and turned to blink at nothing in particular, eyes clouded with tears. We sat in silence for a while before I made a decision on what to say.

"You know what?" I pushed my half-finished burger away and stood up, tears leaking down my cheeks. "The problem isn't you. It's me. I just want too much and something is wrong with me. Tomorrow I'm going to see a psychiatrist because like you said, maybe I do need help -"

"Emma, don't," she stood up and stared at me with wide eyes. "Please stop it."

"No, you stop it," I said, feeling nothing inside. "Stop trying to make things better when you're not even aware of how I feel anymore. We're just different. And I really think that we started off so amazing and we were going somewhere but then we got our priorities mixed up."

Grabbing a tissue, I took it with me and headed inside. After taking a shower for like half an hour, a cold one that basically numbed my brain, I collected a pillow from the bed and she watched me fix it on the sofa in front of the television.

"We're behaving like teenagers," she said softly, hugging herself and just standing there whilst I tried to focus on my phone. "Which isn't pleasing at all. Perhaps a...quiet evening spent together whilst we watch a movie would be comforting."

I said nothing. Whilst we watched a movie? How ridiculous was that? I wasn't going to watch a damn movie with her! I wasn't going to do anything with her.

"I know," my eyes flicked to hers, finding that brown ones lit up, "we can stream Dorian Gray on Netflix. That would be something, wouldn't it?"

Rising up from the chair, just as she was scrolling through the list of movies, I went to the door in long strides.

"Emma," her feet padded upon the carpet whilst she rushed to me and I grabbed my red leather jacket, jaw clenched. "Where are you going?"

"None of your business," I muttered, pulling open the door. "Watch the damn movie yourself. Maybe you wouldn't fall asleep a quarter of a way through it."

x

x

I overreacted.

I had been overreacting since the previous day and it was unnerving. To think that she had rubbed a raw part inside of me and something was seeping through a wound. Something was itching so badly, a slice of hurt that burnt continuously now and nothing that was said could soothe the ache. Nothing. I was becoming clearly convinced of her inability to see the problem that existed.

If it wasn't about one thing then something else arose like the poison from the pits of a sewer. Swelling and coming up, with this awful smell that just wouldn't go away. My doubts wouldn't go away. It wasn't the fact that I thought she was cheating on me. But it was her disregard for the time spent between us. Always lacking and never giving time to just realize how a relationship had to be nurtured. Whether he had been there for her or not, I wasn't supposed to be treated the same way.

We had our flaws, but we had begun to heal each other. There had been progress. And then she just had to stop giving a damn.

Half an hour later and I was seated on a wooden bench under a huge tree across the street from a Burger King. With my cellphone cradled between my right ear and right shoulder, I listened to mom give me a run down what had been missed. She and dad were taking a trip to Canada in two weeks to spend time together and it was the most amazing thing for me to hear. They hardly took holidays. They saved up their money and always dreamed of going on a cruise or something but it never happened. So to think of dad driving over the border with her, the two of them happy together, it melted my heart.

"What's wrong, Emma? You sound really wrong. Is everything okay?"

That was my mom. She always knew without me even hinting. Even over the phone she could tell. "It's nothing really," I lied.

"Emma Elizabeth Swan."

A string of children were being lined up in front of the Burger King and it appeared to be the initiation of a birthday party. Their colorful pointy hats signaled that much. Kids. That's how we behaved. Like kids.

"Regina and I are just having a rough patch," I muttered, sinking lower into the bench, legs parted.

"I'm lending my ear," she offered.

"Where's dad?" It was after six and he had to be home by then.

"He's in the bath and don't change the topic. What happened? Did you two fight?"

Did we?

"I feel like something's wrong with me," and my confession hurt. Squeezing the tip of my nose, head lowered, I inhaled.

"Emma, nothing is wrong with you, sweetie. You're perfect just the way you are."

"Yeah?" I actually thought that to be really ridiculous but then again, she was my mom and moms always had this way of making you feel special when really and truly, you were a waste.

"I know you have your flaws," she said as if reading my mind. "And chances are that you might always have them. But your flaws make you who you are."

"What are my flaws?" I basically threw out a line and realized that it was a weird question. It was direct and who else would know me more than my own mother?

"You're very compassionate, Emma. You tend to cling onto people and you never want to let go. And like I said, nothing is wrong with that."

"Lizzie..." Just the memory alone brought a bitter taste to my mouth.

"Yes. Lizzie. You gave her everything and when she couldn't return as much, it pained you. I can only imagine that you're doing the same thing with Regina. You're so very, very connected with your emotions, and you're so loving, needing comfort constantly. When you left to go to New York, I was really worried about you."

"You didn't think I had it in me to live on my own?" I frowned.

"No, I know that you can do it. But I was afraid that you would never find someone to connect with as deeply as you feel. Your three guy friends are very nice. They understand you on a friend level. But to find someone who would always be there no matter what. I suppose that's where the problem is now, isn't it?"

I couldn't believe it. She knew. "More than ever."

Explaining most of what bothered me wasn't that easy. The tears came and she was told about how I felt lonely after coming home, what it was like to be so in love with someone, you felt as if you were going insane.

"Emma, she's a manager," mom said quietly. "Just as your dad is the Sheriff. They're always going to be busy, no matter what because of their profession. But that doesn't mean that they love us less. Or they don't wish over and over that they could spend more time with us. I bet Regina wants to spend so much time with you but the pressure from the job and her duties gets in the way. And you might not really understand right now what it's like to juggle so much, but when you get a family, you'll understand. We have to make sacrifices for the ones we love, all along the way. But sometimes those sacrifices are made in other places and we can't understand immediately why the other person would do what they're doing. But there comes a time when we need to spend time with one another. Your father and I have Saturdays and Sundays. You know how our schedule is. Sometimes he doesn't come home early but he sends his love. He calls. Does she do the same?"

"No," I inhaled deeply.

"Then something is bothering her. Do you want me to talk to her for you?"

"No, mom," I groaned. She was such a mom. "I don't want you to do that."

"I can listen to her side and then I can help. I want to help."

"Mom," I sighed, eyes fluttering close, "it's something I have to deal with on my own. I need her to open up more to me. And I can't do that if she's hardly ever there."

"You two bonded so much whilst you were here. It was felt. I could feel your warmth radiating so, so much, your father and I marveled over it. Now to hear that you're having a rough patch, it's very sad."

I was a block away from the apartment building. If she came looking for me, I could be found.

"I just don't know what to do," I said, flexing my fingers. "I've gone so long with her coming home late and it bothers me too much."

"Then you have to tell her that it does and why it bothers you."

"I did that," my throat was scratchy. "I did that many weeks ago and yesterday and today..."

"And what did she say?"

It hurt to even remember all of it. "She basically said that I was being ridiculous for wanting to break us up over her working late hours."

"You're not being ridiculous about something like that. This is your first relationship with someone and I understand why you feel the way you do. She needs to understand too. If you know to yourself that she isn't giving you what you want, Emma, then you really need to make a choice. Either you adjust yourself to suit her absence and the two of you find ways to compensate for it or you do the next best thing. It will hurt more than ever, I know that. I know that you're head over heels in love with her. And I want you to put breaking up with her way down at the bottom of the list. I want you to try everything there is to try, to make this work and if you find that nothing works, then you have to walk away."

"I could walk away now," I croak.

"No, you can't," mom said softly. "Emma, you think you can and you think that it's easy now to just walk away from her and leave everything behind. But if you do that now, tomorrow you're going to be hurting really bad."

"I bet that she'd move on faster than me."

"Don't say that because you know that it isn't true."

"I'm so young, mom, in comparison to her. She's got things prioritized and stuff. She's got control and she knows what she wants. Who am I to even make her change something about her life for me?"

"You're the woman she has been dating for over a year now," mom said. "You've been living together for over a year now. You've brought her home to meet us and she fitted in so nicely. I could see the way she looked at you and knew that she was a keeper. You might not think that she wants to spend time with you but trust me, I bet that's what she wants."

The children crowded around a table outside of Burger King and the cake was brought out. The little birthday girl with red hair was excited, clapping her hands and jumping up and down. Her parents stood just behind, the mother lighting the candles most likely.

"Emma, don't you want to have a family with Regina?" mom asked me, and I focused on the same woman who was lighting the candles, press a kiss onto another woman's lips. It looked as if the child had two mothers.

"I want to have a family with someone who isn't always busy and who wouldn't miss important events."

"Has she ever missed an important event when it comes to you? Didn't she come here for Christmas? Did she not give you an amazing birthday? Valentine's Day was very special, wasn't it? The two of you had dinner."

"Mom, I'm just saying that if this was Neal or Killian, they'd drop everything to spend every day with me. Even when they're studying, they call me over."

"Regina isn't Neal or Killian, Emma," mom reminded me. "Regina is a fifty year old woman with a highly recognized job title and a salary that most likely reaches six digits per month. She's the ideal woman and no man can compare to her, can they? And guess what, she's your girlfriend. Even if she goes home at 8 in the nights, she doesn't go home to anyone else, Emma. She's yours. So do you want to lose that?"

"No," I hung my head.

"What do you want to right now, that would make you feel a little better?"

"I just want space."

"Space from what? From her or from everything?"

"From her," I said, studying my nails.

"Then if that's what you want, tell her and take it."

"Mom, she's never going to give me space. But when she wants it, I have to give her as much as possible."

"You know what I think? I think that even at home, you still believe that Regina is your boss. She's your equal. What you need to do is to kiss her and then everything will be all peachy again. So go ahead and kiss her. Walk right in there and grab her, and show her that she's not the boss, you can be too. I also have another suggestion but you might not like it."

"Go ahead, I might like it better than the first one."

Mom laughed. "How about you use toys?'

"Mom!" I couldn't believe it. "What the hell?"

"It could relieve the built up tension. And then everything will be okay. What do you think?"

"I think that you need to go eat your dinner and head to bed," I said.

When the call ended, I sat there and smiled to myself because it was so sudden how she changed the flow of the conversation. Mom was a hoot, always knowing how to cheer me up some way or the other and it worked. It really worked.

Neal's advice was to feed Regina her own medicine.

In front of Will, he boldly suggested that I purposely leave the apartment just before she arrived there after work.

"Just to make her walk in and not see you waiting there," he smiled at me, "karma is a bitch but sometimes it's needed."

"How will it help Emma's situation?" Will frowned.

"My son, it is obvious," Neal patted Will's back and kept his eyes on me. "After she comes home and hardly sees you there, and you show up around nine then climb into bed, it's going to bother her. She's going to realize what it must feel like for you to sit around and fucking wait."

"I don't like it," Will shook his head. "I think Emma should just take some space."

"It's the same fucking thing!" Neal stared back.

"No it isn't. Regina might think Emma is seeing someone else or she doesn't want her anymore. If Emma takes space and Regina knows, both of them know that they're doing it to sort out what's happening between them."

"Dude, that makes no sense," Neal reached for his glass of Coke and sipped.

"It does really. Emma, are you going to stay in the apartment whilst you take your space or will you stay with one of us?" The options laid out to me suddenly.

"I wasn't thinking...that far," I confessed, frowning at my serving of fries. "I don't think that I can move out."

"Why? Because she'll hunt you down and poison you or something? Grow a pair, Emma. If the woman isn't delivering then move on." He scowled at me.

"Coming from the guy who still has an interest in you, I wouldn't take him seriously," Will told me, his eyes usually widened.

"Hey!" Neal bumped shoulders with him. "I am pursuing a woman these days by the name of Maggie. Emma is old news."

Whilst the two of them argued about women and stuff, I chewed on my fries and realized that it was almost ten already. I mean, she could be watching a movie now without even worrying about me at all. But deep down inside, I knew that that wasn't true. Four missed calls. She rang my phone straight through and then stopped.

It was after ten when I slipped into the apartment, hanging up my jacket and enabling the alarm again. The lamps were turned off in the living room and the door leading out to the balcony was still open. Strange. Walking over there, I peered outside and there was no sign of her so the glass door was pulled shut. A soft wind blew in just after, caressing my face as I frowned.

The only other place to look was the bedroom and it made me realize something. That no matter what happened, I would always care about her. It was evident, wasn't it? Coming back home, and the first thing I do is to seek her out. My heart began to race within my chest when the bedroom was approached and there she was curled up on my side, fast asleep and hugging the shirt I had worn to work that day.

It stunned me for a few seconds, that small detail that was magnified a thousand times by me. The way she held onto that one article of clothing as if it meant the world to her. Mom could be so right as she always was. Regina was making a sacrifice for me in some other way that I wasn't even aware of. I just needed to ignore the fact that her job came in the way, for as long as I could.

Looking back on it now, at that time, I was so focused on wanting to be loved that the very presence of her in my life was taken for granted. There was this time when I used to sit down and imagine what my husband would be like and somehow, I could never picture his face. All that envisioned was one of two scenarios. Mostly, I was the one walking down the altar as I loved to call it reverse roles. But there was never a man awaiting me there. There wasn't anyone waiting there because my mind hadn't made that part up as yet. Then there was me wearing the tuxedo and standing at the altar whilst I stared at the doors behind the congregation.

Waiting for what exactly?

I hadn't been waiting on a man.

I had been waiting on her.

When I returned to the couch and settled on it, my heart ached so badly, staring at the ceiling didn't bring comfort at all. We hadn't slept apart for over a year. Look how time had gone by so fast. She was always the one to curl up in my arms whilst I felt like her protective angel. But that night, there wasn't any wings to cover her because my place was on the sofa.

Somewhere along the night, whilst I tossed and turned from a bad dream, being chased by a wolf, the feel of someone caressing my face was enough to bring me back. I woke up suddenly and couldn't get adjusted to the dark as fast as was needed. My eyes blinked, vision pinched. Squinting through the dark, someone was sitting next to me and I don't know how in the world I came up with it but the wolf came into mind again.

That was enough to make me bolt up into a sitting position whilst she reached out for me and tenderly squeezed my arms.

"It was just a nightmare," she was so hoarse, her face becoming clearer, "come back to me. Are you here?"

I nodded by reflex and felt my throat parched. Still a bit dazed, Regina disappeared for a moment and came back once more. The cold lip of a glass was pressed onto my mouth and I sucked down cool water that tasted like heaven. My mind was drawing blanks constantly, no thoughts coming nor going but one thing was certain. She was there with me.

"I can't sleep," she whispered, resting the glass on the table and reaching for the lamp. The yellow light stung my eyes for a few seconds but I grew adjusted to it, finally being able to see her face clearly. "This is the second night where you've stolen my dreams. It's almost three a.m. Will you come back to bed with me?"

My body felt like a sack of potatoes.

"Okay," she lowered her gaze, lips parted. "I'll go make a cup of coffee and sit out on the balcony since sleep wouldn't come. I'm not going to ask for your company because I know that I'm not needed right now."

Rising up slowly from the chair, our hands brushed and she disappeared again. Somewhere between the rattling of a spoon within a teacup and the smell of coffee, I drifted off to sleep, into a world that was only black without anything stirring.

For one week we remained like that, sleeping apart. For seven days she couldn't sleep and had to take pills that sent her mind into a coffin that closed off the world and enveloped everything in darkness. That's what she told me. We didn't talk to each other and even though she tried, Regina got tired of talking to herself.

The flowers came every single day with a new message and I kept them all inside my wardrobe but held the cards on me no matter where my footsteps led. Many places weren't sought out for that week, but just a few moments with the guys that weren't that thrilling. Most times, every afternoon to be exact, I'd venture out to that same wooden bench across from Burger King and sit there for as long as I could. Reading her cards and running my thumb across the ink.

**I'm never going to stop until you forgive me. Even if you ignore me forever, I'll send you a million roses until you kiss me again.**

**My patience never wears thin with you. I'd wait a thousand years just to have you be mine again.**

**Waking up every morning without you by my side is like waking up with half my heart missing. Sometimes I feel as if I'm about to die and then I remember that the one person who holds the other half is still in the other room. So my life is still worth living.**

**I've missed your touch.**

The others just made me cry.

She sent me not only roses but chocolates and books.

This one morning, I believe it was a Thursday during that same week, there I was trying to focus on my work when her hands suddenly appeared over the wall of the cubicle. It was like a ray of sunshine most times, to see that face. But when the realization kicked on about what happened that afternoon, I simply couldn't forgive myself or forgive her.

She was wearing red that day, a red long sleeved jacket with a pair of tailored black pants and a red silk shirt. I was handed a book, one that looked quite worn out with a chocolate brown leather cover.

"Hey," I was given a shy smile, her cheeks flushed. "How are you doing?"

Little did she know that I had an answer at the tip of my tongue without realizing it but Regina cut me off.

"I trust that you're well. More than me, that is." Her dark hair tumbled onto hunched shoulders. "Here is a copy of daddy's oldest version of the book 'Emma'. By your favorite author."

It was held out to me and I reached for it slowly, wondering why she would even give me something like that.

"Keep it. He made these little notes inside after many years of reading and I know that he'd want you to have it. There is a letter inside that I wrote for you last night because sleep couldn't come." Her voice was a whisper now. "Just so you know, I still have the one you wrote me last year."

The cover of the book was caressed by me and I felt the coolness of the leather. Keys tapped away around us. Larry was still trying to adjust to his new reading glasses, his taps coming very slow.

"Please talk to me, Emma," she hung over the wall and reached to squeeze my right shoulder. "Say something to me. Anything. Even if it is one word."

"Thank you, Miss Mills," I said formally, never meeting her eyes but still considering the book. "For this." Gesturing at it, her grip on my shoulder slackened.

Obviously the way I addressed her was enough to stir up some hurt. "Emma, you can call me Regina."

Sighing, I stared at my computer and inhaled deeply. The mouse was moved about a bit, to check where the cursor was. The bitterness of anger was inside of me, knowing that she chose to swallow what happened that afternoon and pretend as if it was nonexistent.

"Have a good day, boss," I said softly, and began to type away on a data sheet.

She lingered there for a long time afterwards or maybe it was just that a minute dragged by. But I felt her presence and tried to ignore it. More than ever, the attempt could not be managed. Choking on my stubbornness, arrogance, the need to twist hate around her throat.

"You...too," she croaked, the tremor in her voice pricking my heart like pins. "Will you have dinner with me tonight?"

"I can't," I said, shocking myself and feeling numb inside.

"You can't or you wouldn't?"

The guys were around, Peter and Antonio and Jack. We were having this conversation right there and I didn't feel comfortable because of course they'd listen in. Which guy wouldn't stop what he was doing just to catch words exchanged between the boss and her girlfriend? Larry was an exception because he was still fighting to adjust to his reading glasses, squinting at the screen.

"Look, I can't talk about this right now. I'm working," I muttered.

"Five o'clock," she said in that husky voice of hers, "downstairs. I'll be waiting in the car."

"I doubt that," I shook my head and smiled.

"I love it when you're stubborn," she leaned in and whispered, cupped fingers caressing my right cheek as I tried to move away, "it makes me want you so much more."

Get out of here. Really? Oh please, as if that was going to work on me.

"I wouldn't be there, so forget about it."

"Oh you will be there," warm lips brushed my right ear, "I know you will." And with that, she sauntered off as if we were all her subjects and she was the Queen.

Just as it was expected to be. Have you ever dated a woman in authority at work? If you haven't then I envy the fact that in your relationship, you don't have to get to work and have your girlfriend pull rank on you. As if it's normal. As if that's the way it's supposed to be and I'm supposed to forever be comfortable with it.

Yeah I loved the dominating personality but it could really annoy the hell out of me at times. Like, doesn't my opinion count? Or can't I say no and be given the privilege to be granted an excuse? Come to think of it, something was really up with her after that conversation we had. It was almost as if my speech about her being the boss in all places was satisfying, was a turn on. I wouldn't put it past her. Regina probably loved that speech. And it pissed me off because I wanted to be the boss too.

I pulled work from the next day and worked on it for one hour that afternoon. Sitting purposely at my desk, there was this huge grin on my face as if something astonishing was being accomplished. Larry always stayed back until the last of us went home so he and I basically kept each other company. We talked about different things, like songs and women, what he liked and what turned him off. Mostly for me, I kept it simple and allowed him to give more.

At minutes to six, my CPU was powered off and I hoisted up my backpack. It was time to call it a fun packed day and head home to an angry boss who I planned to ignore.

Imagine my surprise when Jessie, the security guard working the night shift pushed open the double glass doors and I came upon this sight that maimed my ego. There the black car remained parked up in the reserved spot, this sleek Infinity that the expensive company stocked up on for VIP clients. As soon as I noted the presence and dreaded it, Mario, one of her committed drivers came out of the shadows just by the doorway and blocked my path. His marine cut and sharp blue eyes never intimidated me. Neither did his black gloves or expensive looking black uniform.

I stared at his shoes and rolled my eyes. "Hey."

"Miss Emma." His back was as stiff as a poker.

"Look, I will not give in." I rolled my eyes and sighed. "So just let me go easy."

"Or else what, Miss Emma?" He smirked at me.

"I'll fight you, that's what." Our eyes met. "So you know what to do."

"I was trained for combat."

"You're not my bodyguard. You're hers. Aren't you supposed to be protecting her or something?"

"She specifically requested that I make sure you're delivered to the car's interior."

"How much extra is she paying you to get me in there?" I squared him up, arms folded. "Three digits or four? A box of pizza? A nice tie?"

"Miss Emma," he waved it off and smiled, glancing back at the car's tinted windows, "I will not let you leave. So let's go to the car."

"Mario, look, you're a nice guy, okay? And I get that you're trying to do your job but I just can't do that right now."

He smiled and blinked. "Yes you can."

"You sound like her somehow. She's growing on you."

"Miss Emma, I will -"

I made a dash for it, but barely covered four feet when he snatched my shoulders and pulled me back. Not harshly but with this tight grip that locked my arms in and I stiffened up. Chest puffed out, there was no need for me to fight him because he was a strong guy. Making a scene in front of my workplace? For what purpose? To avoid my girlfriend? The media would love it and I bet that they were around somewhere as always.

"Easy does it," he walked me to the car's direction, arms wrapped my body. "Good girl, Miss Emma."

"I'll get back to you," I hissed, "somehow."

"I can't wait for that." The car door was pulled open and the shadowed inside was presented. I felt as if this was a hostage situation in the movies when they basically snatched you on the street corner and chucked the victim into the back of a black vehicle. Maybe I should start kicking and screaming.

Thinking better of it, I slipped into the back and when the empty inside was greeted, something ached inside of me. The need to see her would always be there. Always. Staring around, even in the front seat, it dawned upon me that she was missing. Regina wasn't there and I started to panic.

"Where is she?" I leaned forward between the two front seats as Mario got in gracefully. "Did the aliens abduct her as yet?"

"I am supposed to take you somewhere," he said, eyes ahead as the engine purred already.

"And what the hell will happen to my car?" I pointed at the parking lot as we passed by. "It's in there!"

"I was instructed to also bring you back to work tomorrow. No worries, Miss Emma," he adjusted the rear view mirror and smiled at me. "Everything is fine."

"Fine?" I pushed myself back, arms folded and glared ahead. "This is anything but fine. She's doing it all over again. This is so not right! I'm supposed to watch Scooby Doo!"

Mario laughed.


	25. Then Killian Brings Us Back Together

**Excerpt:**

**_I planted myself right where the situation made me feel so dominant and when she lowered herself onto the red carpet, the distance was closed even further._ **

" ** _Emma." Eyelashes fluttered when she gazed up at me, dark hair fanning out._**

" ** _Can I kiss you?" Our lips were half an inch apart and parted, warm breath kissing my face._**

**_Her chest heaved uncontrollably and we fitted so perfectly together, legs entwined already. "Yes."_ **

**_Moving in, I captured her mouth and tasted the sweetness of Bourbon._ **

* * *

For fifteen minutes, we moved through traffic as the A.C cooled me down. Playing the boss of me, huh? Well I'd show her. Having me abducted? I had rights and we weren't talking to each other. So why was I obligated to meet her anywhere?

**The Grand Piano**

Seriously, that was the name of the place. In gold letters plastered across a red sign on the fifth floor, the restaurant was really grand. I counted more than fifty floors before my eyes began to turn and then Mario patted me on my arm. I was shown the interior, lighted with gold and containing red cushioned chairs, food being served by waiters dressed in black.

I remembered that much about the place and the fact that it was really cozy looking from the outside, very cozy looking. But from the time Killian's face beamed at me from the inside, something changed inside. It was like wave swallowed me up when I caught him sitting there, dressed in a simple red and black plaid shirt and black jeans. The presence of a friend can work wonders for certain situations, can't it? But the fear of not knowing where she was or what happened to her, it kind of made me jumpy.

When he came out to greet me, I was washed over with worry and couldn't stop.

We embraced and I inhaled his Old Spice aftershave.

"Mate, what took you so long?" my face was studied as I was held back within his arms.

"I kind of took my precious time coming."

"Emma," he carefully brushed my hair behind both ears and sighed. "Why all the unnecessary strain and bouts of silence?"

"I guess she didn't fill you in then?" I still checked for any sight of her behind him.

"No, she didn't. I was invited here only without elaboration."

It wasn't a problem to me, in fact, it was totally okay because whenever the two of us were together as of recent, the conversation ended up somewhere hurtful. And to have someone else there for a change, I could feel myself becoming relaxed already.

"And as it seems, you two still have trouble in paradise."

"Yeah, yeah," I shrugged. "You don't know the half of it."

"I'll tell you this before we venture inside," he leaned in, the wind swirling around us was cool, "she means well. All of us are flawed. In her situation, the past has altered a beautiful angel. Now quite broken, she still puts her heart back together to love you, most entirely."

I stared up at his face and said nothing.

"I don't know what happened but believe me, everything will unfold nicely."

Hoping so, our footsteps led indoors. Just when it was confirmed by me that a table would be taken downstairs, this old guy dressed in red gestured for us to enter an elevator. Up, up we went, approximately fifteen floors above, and when the doors rolled open, my eyes had to be given time to welcome in the change of setting.

This new floor was dimly lit and colored in darker tones of red and black and the darkest of gold that appeared brown. Leather covered most of the seats and tables and the atmosphere was tranquil, the glass walls displaying a skyline that was sprinkled with lights from other buildings. Every now and then, I could hear the melodious tunes originating from a grand piano and craned my neck to detect a young man seated gracefully at a pianoforte. Just by the eastern side, dressed in black.

The high back wooden chairs gave the place a sense of having important people welcomed in there.

It made me think of a scene from one of Jane Austen's books, especially the oil paintings on the walls just by the bar. There was this particular one of a swan that captured my attention and held it. A swan in a pond, all by itself, chest puffed out and appearing very proud. Killian had a hand rested on my back and even though I felt under-dressed, he was as well. We both were still drinking in the scene when she came into view.

"Fashionably late," I was offered a smirk and realized that she had slipped off her tailored black jacket. That was enough to make me stare. What remained was a tailored red dress that hugged her hips and those black high heeled shoes matched impressively.

"This place is quite beautiful," Killian remarked, "do you come here often?"

"The last time I frequented this establishment was close to two years ago. We rented the entire floor just for a board meeting. And might I say that it has always left a lasting impression on me?"

I wasn't supposed to dwell on the argument we had that afternoon, was I? When she asked me if I wanted us to be glued together. Why the hell was I bothering about this so much? I needed to get high and blank out this anxiety and heaviness around my heart.

"I'm glad you came," she nudged our shoulders together and whispered. I smelled the wonderful scent of her White Diamond perfume and my mind moaned.

My lips were licked and I inhaled deeply.

The table selected was one to the furthest corner, just where the pianoforte was set up. I chose the chair that gave me a view of the skyline whilst she moved to sit in one that blocked that view. Intentionally. So much for an easy distraction. Noting the flicker of passion in her gaze, my body burnt up whilst Killian took his seat to the right of me and the left of her.

By the time we had ordered, and I had no idea how to pronounce the Italian meals on the menu, the two of them struck up a conversation. It was pleasing for me to observe her fascination in poetry. They spoke of Edgar Allan Poe and his poem about The Raven and I listened the intellectual discussion on a piece that caressed deep minds. The way she thought about the poem was enough to signal to me what depth her mind had reached. Carefully pulling apart each line that was memorized and attaching meaning to those words that piqued Killian's interest.

"I should have recorded your speech," he sipped on rum and smiled. "Quite an intimacy you have with the written word."

"Each line, written by a person, is done so with intent. We engage our brains, our hands and fingers whilst merely putting words onto paper and the entirety of the process is a fundamental one."

"Which is why my approach to studying is to highlight the important parts and to rewrite them." Killian lightly tapped my right shoulder and offered me a smile. "They claim that it's time consuming but I find it highly effective."

"Nothing should be time consuming if it is done with purpose."

I watched her lift the glass of red wine to red painted lips and she sipped, eyes on me. My plate of which I would describe simply as rice, cuts of steamed vegetables and beef, sprinkled with cheese was delicious. I had a side order of potato salad that melted in my mouth. As my fork poked the food around, her scrutiny on me lifted my attention. Staring across the table, I inhaled deeply and held the gaze.

Regina's eyelashes fluttered slowly. "Love is such a beautiful thing, isn't it Killian?"

My friend considered her briefly before replying, "Beautiful but tragic, hurtful and at times shattering enough to destroy our souls. Beautiful in a very chaotic way, I suppose."

"One is made aware of how intense love is when the hurt, the pain is soothed by the other person's presence. Their eyes," she couldn't stop gazing at me. "The line of their lips when they smile. Even though anger may threaten to shake the foundation of love, we always remain fools that drown in the depths of our lover's eyes."

Wow. I stared back and wondered what was really happening. Wooing me in? I suppose that was it, to be drawn in and captivated.

"I can determine from your speech that you're quite in love at the moment," Killian smiled.

"I've never been this deep and intoxicated by any fashion of love," she said to me from across the table. "I've never been so…eager to see a distinct shade of emerald or to anticipate a simple touch."

"Emma, you are quite a lucky woman," he remarked, turning to me and smiling.

"I've taken some time to sit Chad down and speak with him," she said suddenly, her eyes turning to Killian. Just when I was drowning in them. "His priorities were tangled up into a mess. He held certain affairs as more important than others."

"Like mother, like son," I muttered, reaching for my glass.

Regina's eyes were on me again. "Our talk was quite stimulating to say the least. Two hours of in depth soul searching that unearthed the weaknesses we both were tormented by."

"That sounds like quite a conversation," Killian noted, chewing on his food.

"It was. We are so alike, my son and I. He managed to show me what was lacking on my part as I pinpointed the very same thing in his attitude. His attachment to a social life, seeking out the rush of the moment is quite equivalent to my workaholic ways. To him, settling down with someone is quite the scare. Therefore, whilst he didn't see it as a barrier, I highlighted that he was escaping purposely into clubs and the arms of many lovers to gain some kind of a satisfaction."

"That is ruining," Killian added. "We can try to drown ourselves in the alternative, but it damages us eventually. He will come to realize that we need permanence."

"But is permanence ever achievable?" she blinked at him.

"I believe that it is. When one puts one's mind to it. And it is not found in temporary thrills. Not in the rushes that originate from partying hard up to five in the morning, but the completeness that comes with constantly wanting to be in the arms of someone. To love someone and have them love you back. Knowing that they will be there, to soothe your fears."

"Intimacy."

"Yes," Killian nodded, graceful fingers clutching his knife with a red handle. His chicken was sampled. He chewed. "I want to be with someone who makes time for the existence of an US, someone who chooses to spend time with me instead of time elsewhere. Of course there are other priorities that must be met, but when you love someone, everything else doesn't matter.'

I stared at her and she did the same. Regina swallowed, and tears clouded her eyes.

"Asking for something like that from someone, asking for it as a constant thing, is not okay," I said.

"It isn't?" he turned to me and frowned. "I thought the mere purpose of intimacy and love was to satisfy the appetite for sex?" He laughed and I smiled. Killian pointed his fork and swallowed. "No, but on a serious note, we tend to have this craving inside of us to be satisfied constantly. It is until we connect on a deeper level, by bonding continuously, then is when a sense of normalcy is reached. Then again, perhaps my view differs from yours, for example." This was directed at Regina.

"Most of us are scared and yet we do not realize it," she said softly.

"Oh he's scared," Killian scoffed, neatly handling his knife and fork, never quite knowing that his words were relating to Regina and I as well. "He's scared of becoming committed to me, of allowing the thought of there being an…US…alone. Focusing on me alone instead of his social life. Chad is just..."

The tunes from the piano played on and melted my mind whilst she couldn't stop looking at me. Her plate of food wasn't touched.

"I can't believe that he walked in there with this bloke on his arm, as if feeling some triumphant vibe. Every week it is a different man that is fraternized. He doesn't text me, we never eat together anymore, I am treated as a client. It is ridiculous."

"Sure sounds like it," I said softly. The beef was delicious. No really. With every single chew, the juice squeezed out managed to drown me into this kind of half dazed feeling.

"Chad claims that we spend time together and close to an hour is enough. Forgive me but I am a man who craves intimacy, the simplest affections. I yearn to be near to someone often. Nothing is wrong with me, I know that for certain because there was once a woman I loved who yearned the same thing as me. There are others who wish for such attachments."

I encourage him to tell us about it, although the story had been related to me before.

He spoke about his days when the guitar was an intimate companion, of the times when the strings were caressed with such love. Spending late nights in bars in New York, waiting his turn to play a few tunes that were written with a passionate hand. Killian used to seat himself on the stool upon a stage and play his guitar.

One night whilst the crowd was roaring during an applause, his eyes latched onto what he described as the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. A brunette, shoulder length silky hair and her lips stained red. She was clutching a copy of Moby Dick and in his heart, he would always remember the intimacy that developed from observing that rather out of place object. Holding a book in the midst of a bar, her blue eyes pinched from a smile and then they were sharing drinks.

She ended up showing him how addicting drugs were to a tormented mind. A world where she grew up alone and related to him but with such a fragile heart, he could only fix so much.

"Mariana needed me as much as I needed her. We lived for each other and spent so much time together."

"And what happened?" Regina stared at him.

Killian sipped some wine and sighed. "She rubbed the wrong people, bought drugs and didn't pay back. And then one night in July, I was called by the hospital by her brother and was told that she was pronounced dead. From a lethal shot of some poisonous drug." His fingers raked through gelled hair, eyes fluttering close. "I clung on and we had the most amazing affection for each other and then life simply snatched her away."

The silence that stretched on was a painful one. I reached out, rubbed his back and felt how upset he was.

"We tend to take things for granted, don't we?" he suddenly smiled forcefully at me. "We can have everything and then something happens that ends it all. Death. So to open up again to someone, to want them, more than they want me, it is a new feeling but I still welcome hope."

"An awakening," Regina croaked, staring at me. Her fingers curled upon the red tablecloth.

"I'm clingy," I said to Killian, whilst the piano was played with a gentle touch. "People believe that it's a sign of immaturity or it's because of being young."

"It is not so. I am almost thirty five and can safely say that it is a trait that the purest of hearts are lined with. Is it a sin to constantly want the affections of a loved one? I think not. The amount of sonnets and stories that were written on such a topic, where lovers ached to be near constantly, to be the only one and were broken by the diverted attention from another. In life, what matters most isn't always about us. It is also about the other person who craves us as much as if we are their world. Attention in a relationship is never quite understood. We fight to be put on a pedestal and then when we are up there, our lovers stand back and take what they have for granted. But I am coping with it just fine. If he wishes to play about and disregard my feelings then I will do the same."

I told him that it was definite that Chad felt deeply about him, to which he flicked off as ridiculous. Leaving us to use the washroom, there we were, Regina and I, on opposite ends of the table and drowning in silence.

For such a long time, I focused on eating my food whilst she gazed at me. Regina was changing and opening a fresh pair of eyes in my regards because I could feel it. I could feel the way her passion radiated from within, her posture kinked and chest heaving. All the time, I kept thinking that nothing would ever happen to us because we wanted different things.

I thought something was still wrong with me.

Most of you most likely think the same thing, that mentally, something was really wrong and my definition of love wasn't ideal. That I was twisted in my beliefs and I wanted things a little too much. But are you ever going to fully be able to define the meaning of love? How dare you judge me because of what my heart contains without understanding that everyone wants something different in life?

I was quite aware that I had friends who were the same as me. Killian was just like me. So was Neal. So if there were two other people in the entire world that wanted things in life as much as I did, then it was okay. A cause is not effective when we stand alone, as they say, but the importance grows when additional voices join together.

That's what happened. After Killian opened up like that, I felt so comfortable with myself, and knew that it wasn't about me needing her more. It was about how strong my love for her was and what mattered to me. What mattered was dinner and lunch and laughing over silly jokes. What mattered was special moments and having her in my arms whilst we rode out and stared at the lights over the Hudson River.

What we used to have when we were still tapping into our love for each other.

Oftentimes, it is an essential part in life to observe and learn. As they say, babies are modeled as they grow, after the behaviors of their parents. A mother who whispers sweet words and is always supportive of you. A father who loves you but he never quite believed that I could really make it on my own out there. Both of them combined were so in love, up to this day, I vouched for their happiness and marveled over it. Constantly I would speak of their union because it was always an example for me. A good example.

It is not my fault that my parents raised my expectations on love because they did so in the simplest setting called a home. That bond I grew to understand was so powerful between the two of them, no matter how many times they had disagreements, mom always fought her way back in and soothed my father's heart. Dad always ended up buying flowers for her and he would cook when she was angry. He would go home early and put on a movie, luring her downstairs to watch the film with him. And I'd just be there, watching and learning.

We had family time because my parents were traditional.

Dinner time was strictly for us to eat and be with each other. The following morning, dad stopped by just enough at the table to tease me about school and boys whilst mom busied herself with the making of pastries or some other delicacy. But they were always around and the times when they weren't, they compensated for it.

Yeah, dad used to come home late but he'd sit with her and talk.

They mattered to each other. For crying out loud, both of them bought Nokia phones and texted each other all the time. And it wasn't the easy touch keypad that we use. It was the old fashioned one with like three presses to get one letter.

When we left the restaurant that night, and Killian was dropped off at his apartment, he made us agree to do dinner with him again that Sunday at his place. Back in the car, she sat on one side whilst I remained on the other side, arms folded and staring out the window.

"Miss Emma, what time should I pick you up tomorrow?" Mario smiled at me in the rear view mirror.

Usually I drove to work but since he was being so sincere. "I guess you can -"

"Be there for both of us by a quarter to eight," she cut in. "And from Monday to Friday, be ready for me after work at five thirty. On Saturdays, the usual midday preference. If anything changes, well..." her eyes turned to me, "I will inform you."

I stared at her. She stared back. Then we remained silent.

The keys jingled as we walked down the dimly lit hallway. Somehow, she had taken my backpack off of me and was hugging it, trailing behind. Not a word was said at first, nothing at all. And then I reached for the alarm, disabled it. I unlocked the door.

She waited until we were safely inside then deposited my bag onto the table where the keys were kept, lit by the warmest yellow originating from a lamp. From there, I was walked back suddenly whilst she advanced on me and my shoulders were taken. My space was invaded dangerously.

When Regina crushed her lips onto mine, I was dazed at first. Her move knocked the wind out of me and my mind clouded with little stars behind eyes squeezed shut. I tasted wine and the familiarity of her warmth, how soft her lips were, parting to capture mine between. She was so amazing in that moment, pressing us together and lingering there, savoring our nearness. My eyes fluttered open and in that couple of seconds, I noted how in the still of the moment, with our lips touching, parted lips, she was completely captivated in me.

Her hands ran down my arms, squeezing and moving in further, she unearthed this passion inside of me that was burning up fast. Our chests heaved when we pulled apart. I stared into her brown eyes and saw something there that had been missing for a long time.

We lingered in that kiss, she and I. Staying there and tasting the moment, allowing seconds to slide by without separation.

"Do you want me to still give you space?" her question was really funny because even when I was supposed to have space, said space was invaded all the time. "Is that what you want?"

"No," my head was shaken. I tried to breathe. "I really don't want space right now."

"Then what do you want?" her brown eyes widened. "To break up with me? I've told you before and I'll remind you again, if you break up with me, I will not let you go easily."

I actually smiled, eyes lowered. "I don't want to break up with you. I just want to be with you. And I need hugs and I need to kiss you and be with you. I just want that."

"Then you shall have it," she said, without skipping a beat. "I don't want us to fight, ever again." Rubbing our noses together, I still felt a bit uneasy inside but returned the affectionate move.

Whilst she was in the shower later on, curiosity got the best of me.

I pawed around between the folded pillow cases and realized that more than one thing had changed. The little yellow velvet covered box with the ring inside had been moved. It was missing. Pulling a chair, I got up higher and searched some more.

It was gone.

Her black jacket was on the chair, the one she had worn to work. So I got down and in the process of doing so, the article of clothing tumbled onto the ground. There was a lump in the pocket, as I noted and frowned. Then something tumbled out.

You can imagine my astonishment when I realized that the box had been in there for the entire day. The little yellow box containing the ring. What had she been planning to do with it? All of that had thoughts racing through my head.

Hearing the crackle of the shower curtain, I quickly placed the chair back next to the vanity and slid the box inside, folding the jacket neatly over the back.

Did she plan to propose to me?

But how could she and Killian had been there?

All of this had me wondering and I couldn't stop myself.

"I'm sorry I raised my voice at you," she said hoarsely, coming into the room, beads of water clinging to her honey colored shoulders. "Before…"

I shrugged, went to the window and stared outside whilst the wardrobe was opened from behind me. It was just after nine and a peaceful night. Looking down below, I detected a slow pace of traffic, and very few pedestrians loitering about. Around twelve, the prostitutes would slink out of the shadows. I didn't believe that we'd both be up by then.

"Do you think that I'm a good kisser?" she made me smile for some odd reason because the question was just so random.

"Yep." The lining of the blind tickled my right cheek. I pushed it away.

"Am I really bossy in relation to you?" I could see her frowning from behind me without turning around. "Is that what you really think?"

"Not intentionally. But you are in a way. Telling me where to put my clothes and what to eat and what to wear to work."

"Then I will stop."

The sound of bottles of perfume tinkling whilst hitting each other met my ears.

I sighed. "No. Don't. It takes so much effort from me to decide on those things. So that when you do it, there's always good results and I appreciate it."

"I'm a control freak."

"I really don't care."

"My OCD makes me want to control things, to have them my way. Because anything else is chaotic. I must do things my way. I just can't help it."

"We've managed for so many months with you doing just that. And it's okay," I turned to her. She was standing there in her red Victoria Secret nightgown already, the one with lace trimmings. "I just have one problem and you're already aware of it."

"Am I?" brown eyes widened.

"I think that you are now."

Her chest heaved, the swell of honey colored breasts over that black lace trimming. "You're not clingy. You're in love with me," she croaked.

"See?" I smiled back at her. "You get it now."

"I learned to numb that part of me," she reached for a pillow on the bed and squeezed it.

"Then wake it up again because I want you to."

"And what if we latch ourselves onto each other so much that we grow tired?" Seating herself on the edge of the bed, Regina gazed at me.

"I don't think that you ever grow tired of wanting someone as much as I want you," I stepped towards her and tried to breathe. She watched me approach her silently. "Now all I want to do is to sleep. I'm so tired. Tired of talking, of arguing, of using up so much emotions. I'm also tired of the tension between us, so thick, I can literally cut it with a knife."

Already lying on her right side, head buried into the softest of pillows I had ever come across, she smiled in the dark. The room was dimly lit by the only yellow lamp that remained powered just upon the vanity that was littered was her cosmetics. Ranging from brushes to a massive eyeshadow case and eyeliners. It's funny but whenever a saddened mood would wash over her, the absence of makeup was something to gaze on. She would simply discard the liquid eyeliner and mascara, scrubbing her face with warm water and soap that was apple scented.

"Emma, I have a suggestion," she whispered, as I felt warm fingers reaching for mine, entwining and squeezing. "Shall I continue?"

I nodded, gazed into her eyes and awaited the verdict.

"It might come across as quite silly and very immature of sorts, but..." my fingers were played with, "what if we use up an entire notepad, colorful ones if you prefer. And we write down every single thing we love about each other. Everything that brings us together, and the qualities, the moments that have astounded us. What if we write all of them down, on several notes and place them into two separate boxes. I'll put mine in one with your name and vice versa." Her eyes were the warmest of browns.

"Then when we disagree, when we are in doubt or we find something lacking, we can seek out the boxes and read what the other person has written. Coming to that warm place again, in a way." She nodded. "Becoming whole again."

Possibly the best course of action I had ever heard concerning couples. A little bit corny but I was a sucker for all the mushy bits in romance. My heart latched itself onto those activities that were labeled as intense bonding. Where two people would sit and gaze into each other's eyes and reminisce on the deepest moments that bonded them. Fingers entwined and sitting under a stretch of night sky sprinkled with stars. Therefore her suggestion seemed to be really approving on my behalf.

I loved it.

I told her this and she pulled me closer, resting our foreheads together. Fingers raking through my disheveled blonde hair that was always a tangled mess in the most special moments like these. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and lips parted. I remembered thinking that we had gone through several rough patches and somehow, somehow she had found a way to make us meet again. Whether silently or just by kissing me, trying to enact the spin of the wheel that sent love racing through my heart. It was achieved.

Somehow.

Up to this day, I really never drifted back to that place to pick apart the situation. As delicate as it may seem, the bickering had gone on too long, even for a youngster as myself and a sophisticated lady who had sailed through the hardships of life. I didn't return to that night, to seek out where she lured me in again and why I ended the tension and the feud and the fighting.

It just happened.

It happened maybe as a chain reaction, beginning from when Killian spoke about his life and his feelings. Ending off when Mario asked what time he should pick me up.

It continued for that week when she came home early and we watched television together. Moving from there, we made dinner and ate together. I helped her wash the dishes, we talked through it and not once did the past few days come up again. Not once did she bring it up, scratching at the sore and causing it to redden. Regina simply wished to move past that and it was probably the best idea ever, encouraging me to gaze forward and never look back. There was a reason why the rear view mirror was smaller than the size of the glass showing you what's ahead. What remained behind did matter but not to a large extent. What stretched out ahead was far more important.

As promised, a really amazing Sunday came with warm sunshine and a quietness that washed over New York, below the balcony like no other and it was that same day we were invited over to Killian's apartment.

She took one freaking hour to get ready whilst I sat outside on the sofa watching a Lifetime movie. I specifically remembered that there was a diary and maybe it was called 'The Devil's Diary', but I can't be sure. But whilst I became enthralled by this girl becoming possessed after writing in this beat up looking book, Regina fitted herself into a dark pink cotton dress with a black belt and patted powder on honey colored cheeks.

"It's almost six," I reminded her, rising up to close the glass doors leading out to the balcony. "What are you doing? Trying on a billion outfits?"

"No," there was the sound of perfume being sprayed. "I'm putting on my face."

Rolling my eyes, I tumbled onto the couch lazily. "You don't have to put on a face. Your face is already beautiful."

"To you it is, but to others..."

"Do you honestly care what other people think? Isn't my opinion all that matters?"

"Spoken like a true girlfriend," her hoarse chuckle met my ears. "Imagine if I spent a little too long outdoors without my foundation and powder. And my face grew severely oily. My lips grew cracked and hands dry as sandpaper, what would you think of me?"

"I'd...take care of it," I shrugged even though she couldn't see me, staring at the television.

"How?" Regina was smiling, and I could tell.

"I'd take you in a washroom, get a couple tissues, wet it, and wipe your face. I'd use some of my chap stick on your lips. That would do the trick. As for your hands, I'd probably find some olive oil in the person's kitchen and apply it."

"Emma!"

"But not too much. I know how your hands get sweaty from too much cream like mine."

"Olive oil?" she appeared at the corner of my vision and I turned to smile at her. "Is that your remedy?"

"Well if you prefer me to dig in the people's washroom drawers or slink into their bedrooms and find baby oil or something..."

Rolling her eyes, shoulders hunched, she was clutching a rectangular black purse. "You are unbelievable."

I gawked at her pink dress and the pair of cute, black, shiny high heeled shoes. "Remind me why I haven't made love to you yet since we patched up things?"

The door was opened and I pushed myself up lazily, grabbing my cheap Samsung Galaxy Mini S3 that was now nothing compared to Killian's S6.

"Because we agreed to adjust gradually after that...span of turmoil. Perhaps a few days would be enough before we lunge at each other." We were both outside now and I stared at her as she enabled the alarm. She was smirking. "Ripping off your clothes. Oh the things my dreams have been filled with these past few nights. The things I did to you."

"I'm not the screamer," I leaned into her and whispered, our shoulders bumping. "Remember? You are."

"Tables can turn." Her cheeks colored.

"You have a pair of healthy lungs, don't you?"

"Emma Swan, get a grip." Her purse was clutched tighter. "I am not a screamer."

"Oh really?" I threw an arm around her and smiled as we went into the elevator alone. "Remember that one time we made love and you went to work the next day, completely hoarse. And Barbara had to buy you a pack of mints? Remember?"

"No," she inhaled deeply.

"I used three fingers and not two."

Regina turned to stare at me, eyes wide. "Emma! Must you do this to me now? I am trying to prevent myself from lunging at you, and biting your -" The elevator stopped and the doors hissed open.

A couple got in and smiled at us. They addressed Regina by her name and started to talk about some wedding they were headed to. She and I stared at each other until the elevator got to the ground floor and when we were out of it, my hand was snatched and squeezed firmly.

Killian's darker tones within his new apartment was something that my mind always marveled over. The rich, chocolate colored walls that were polished to a shine and the yellow lamps that cast an eerie glow around his quarters. It was like walking into a ship's interior, below deck and becoming lost in how secluded his abode was. Quite cut off from the street below with large windows shielded by green curtains. A sense coolness settled around the place, and I would always wonder why he had a fireplace and a heater just for when winter would come and go. Yet, the very presence of a fireplace with logs placed strategically at crisscross angles tickled my mind.

He had a very fluffy white cat with large green eyes that immediately took quite a liking to Regina.

As soon as she moved to caress the many books tucked between his shelves, Chessie wrapped her soft body around honey colored legs. Twirling this way and that, a round face gazing up and this little mewing sound originating from her mouth; she was a little angel. The price he paid for her, I had no idea but she was bought, according to Neal. She received her baths every weekend and was brushed, cuddled and fed only canned food.

"Keep distance between us," Regina scowled, pointing down at Chessie's green eyes. "Do you understand me? Not a fur must be transferred onto me or else I will choke your little -"

Killian cleared his throat and smiled at me, hands held behind his back. "I dare say, do you like my collection of books thus far, lady Regina?"

That would always work like a charm, addressing her like royalty because she would melt in the split of a second. Those brown eyes would become softer and right there and then, he was considered with a little smile that stretched wider.

"Yes."

"Edgar Allan Poe," he stepped forward, his back stiff as a poker and gestured to the bookcase gracefully, "his works are just there, as you might pinpoint."

Whilst The Raven was pulled carefully from the third shelf, I stooped to scoop up Chessie and nuzzled my face into her soft neck. Cats were kind of like my ultimate weakness. Mom hated them but dad adored the little angels. At times, I could honestly remember us always having one in the house when I was growing up. Always. We had a dog. We had a cat. It was just the way things worked in that little cottage of ours. And whilst people would cry over soppy movies and their hearts getting broken, I used to cry because of the ill-treated cats around Storybrooke, wanting to collect them all like Pokemons and train them or something to defend themselves.

It would appear as if Chessie really found something quite fascinating about Regina's ankles. No matter how many times she was scolded or how many times she was nudged away, a scornful look on Regina's face, the white ball of fur moved in bravely again. She batted at invisible butterflies and curled up, massaging her back upon the dark green carpet as if trying oh so hard to win Regina's affections.

"I hope you fancy steak," Killian didn't waste time but showed us to the table just between the small living room and his kitchen. Three places were laid out with cutlery and plates, the food, still steaming resided in the middle. "With everything else to round the meal off quite nicely. Wine or something else?"

"Coke for me," I shrugged.

"No."

My mouth was clamped shut and I stared at Regina. She stare back. "What? I haven't had one in ages!" Which was a lie because I had one just that week.

"Wine or a fruit juice of any kind or even a cool glass of water would do nicely for her," my beverage order was given without any consultation by me. I pouted. "I'll have whatever you're having, Killian."

"Ah, the finest rum I have ever tasted, and I am quite a sampler," Killian smiled at her before moving to his small collection of spirits, "it must be the fifteen year old Extra Mature El Dorado Rum. Hailing from the Southern Hemisphere and from the tropical climate." A bottle was fetched but he merely rested it upon the table and moved back to the rack.

"I really don't do rum," Regina scrunched up her face. "It was...something my ex-husband swallowed to my distaste."

She always had her picky tastes. I hope he didn't mind. "The man knows something about the ways of a sailor," he smiled and tapped his nose. "Might I suggest a glass of Bourbon for you then?"

"That would be most welcome,"

"Look, please don't give her anything strong, because when she loosens up, it takes a while to tighten up back her screws."

"I beg your pardon?" widened brown eyes focused in my direction.

"And then the problem comes with getting her back home and having her torment me for half the night. No time to sleep."

"What kind of torment?" I was winked at by Killian who neatly sat down the same time as we did.

"Ask her," I jerked my chin across the table.

"Regina?" Killian unfolded his green napkin and fixed it across his lap, eyes dancing with mischief.

She took some time before answering, red painted lips licked and an intake of breath. "I...become restless," head slightly inclined to the left, she shrugged. "I cannot stay in one place and it is like...my mind is on fire. Forgive me, but can you please...order your...pet to sit in the corner? She is chewing my right ankle."

"Probably giving you a hickey," I said across the table.

The look I got could have been hot enough to sizzle me.

"Now, now, now Chessie," Killian gazed lovingly at his darling below and smiled. "Be a lovely little flower and seek out the bedroom for a little while."

The purring sound made me adore her. Chest puffed out, she sat there looking up at him.

"I understand." Killian became so mellow. "I will reward you generously."

"She kind of looks like you," I said to Regina, as she helped herself to some rice and steamed vegetables. "All Queen-like and confident. But a big softy inside."

"I am no softy."

The faint instrumental tunes drifted from his Bose speakers and placed me in such a relaxed mood, my toes curled inside brown leather boots. "Yeah, you are. Just like Chessie, you're a mush ball. A big, mushy mush ball. Curling up like a cat most days and purring."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you've been living here for three months now?" I was cut off gracefully, like her graceful manner of cutting the steak, any time she had to use cutlery would always astound me.

Killian chewed around a mouthful of food and nodded, eyes lowered.

"He leased it for a year," I stated, remembering that much. "Had to pay down in advance for four months though."

"Really?" she frowned at him whilst I felt Chessie kissing my right boot repeatedly. "How strange. Four months."

"It is, isn't it?" Killian cleared his throat and took a small sip of rum, the liquid appearing golden in the lamplight. "It was quite a catch, this place. In fact, I had my eye on it for a few months now and after browsing other potential spaces, this one warmed my soul. It came fully furnished. Of course the green carpeting was done by me and I added a few extras. But the interior is quite marvelous. Very cozy. And it is not too pricey."

"Impressive," she stared at him, fork poised in midair. "Well I shouldn't speak any different because in relation to my condo, it was practically hauled off the market in the blink of an eye by me. The second it was up for grabs, I made the snatch. Well...Chad helped as well."

"I see," he studied her face and I chewed. Whilst they marveled over living spaces, I marveled over the juiciness of the steak and vegetables.

"It was a friend of a friend of a friend who informed him about the place," she elaborated, the hoarse quality of her voice melting me. "From there, it was placed alongside three other options and I visited all three. And made the selection."

"There were three options for me as well, but the other two are fairly further from here. The views aren't that...captivating and I was seeking out a sense of tranquility."

"Of course," she nodded because that was understood.

The peace and quiet.

"That's one thing about living in Maine," I said to them, easing myself into the conversation, "not so much vehicles and noise and foot traffic. Just the crash of the waves and birds chirping at nights."

"Ah," Killian was intrigued. He always was, by nature.

"I must say that I had the best sleep within a span of...give or take twenty years whilst we stayed at your parents," Regina agreed with a small smile. "Such quietness and the freshness of the air."

"And that's another thing about living in the city," Killian pointed out whilst Chessie's paws batted my knees, "the air is quite toxic. If I had the income set aside to do such a thing, I'd rent a cabin, even in Maine and spend time up there. Just to manage a lungful of fresh air."

"Something I used to take for granted," I muttered. "It's like everywhere you go out here, someone's always blowing cigarette smoke in your freaking face."

"That's disgusting," Regina screwed up her face.

"It is," Killian agreed. "And worst of all, the mentality of many people in this city has this...stench. Such impurity that is bitter and uninviting. I'm not referring to immorality alone but the corruptness of minds in relation to drugs and prostitution, sex."

"Neal loves New York," I reminded him, savoring the yummy broccoli.

"Of course Neal would love New York," Killian said warily, "he loves women who are modernized and the thrills of life. Yet he finds the mere smell of old books to be severely intoxicating." He shook his head. "Quite a complex man."

"A hopeless romantic, more like," I smiled.

Regina was suddenly gazing at me and when caught, I was drawn in by force. "I'm a hopeless romantic." She blinked slowly, sucking me in. "I love the smell of books and poetry. Candlelight dinners, cuddling and so much more."

I swallowed and lowered my eyes. "You made me forget for a while."

She did manage at some point to bury those parts of her deep down into a pit of absence and silence. Many times when our eyes would latch upon each other and we'd share the depths of our souls, two people that understood the raw feeling of love. Our bond that was so strong, had begun so warm and did continue to burn inside chests that contained beating hearts. Love that was so passionate and the warmest kind. A romance that was rare and yet at some point, we had lost our way.

"I hope to remind you then," and there was a small smile, but this time, her eyes were lowered as I gazed into a face that suddenly grew flushed.

Killian was marveling over our secretive moment. "You two," he said, quite amazed, "you're the perfect match in every way possible way. Your chemistry is such a delightful thing to observe."

"Careful," Regina's husky voice curled my toes, "you might just force Emma to lose her appetite."

I watched her use the green napkin to dab at those red painted lips. "Too late."

Somehow we managed to control ourselves for the rest of the evening in the company of a man who was so much of a gentleman. When dinner was over, he showed us to the living room and we sat upon his set of caramel colored leather chairs. Even though I selected a single seat just across from where she curled up, my eyes couldn't latch onto anything else. Not Killian, not even Chessie who showed herself again, only to curl up just near Regina's chair.

How could someone be so beautiful?

How could she always continue to astound me like that, to make me lose my breath and chase every single thought away? How could she? The way she sat was to exactly match a Queen, royalty, with the poise of a woman who contained so much confidence within, confidence that would always envelope the insecurities and destroy them. When her back remained stiff as a poker, legs crossed, she still could never appear rigid and intimidating to me. Not in this lifetime and not in any other, I suppose because my love for her would always soften the way everyone else saw the person sitting before me.

She wasn't just glorious, her beauty was so captivating, I could gaze at the flutter of eyelashes for such a long time. The way those brown eyes appeared as always like melted chocolates, drawing me in more and more. Bending me to her beck and call. I would do anything for her. I would stop myself from feeling wrong about our disagreements just to make things right again. I'd shut the storm away just to see her smile again and I honestly believed every single word in Michael Bolton's song titled 'when a man loves a woman', because those words were so true.

It's like you were drugged, bewitched, fed a potion or your heart was held captive. Sitting there, everything around me was muted and my heart just latched itself onto her very presence, drinking in all there was to behold. I wasn't just at a point in my life anymore where this was a simple relationship and things could be predicted. There was a sense of not knowing what would happen, but never fearing anymore what lay ahead. I knew there and then that whatever life threw at me, from then on, everything would be faced with the utmost love. We'd deal with everything together. We'd get through it. And because I wasn't afraid of what would happen to us, I felt stronger.

I felt whole again.

"Your turn," and she laughed within her throat.

I was suddenly in the apartment, realizing that we were back home and alone. There was a black and red checkered board between us. The round, plastic pieces had already been moved about several times and I was in control of black whilst she always chose red.

"Accept defeat, Emma."

"Never," I smiled and tried to focus again. My piece was moved but badly.

"Ha," and she jumped over two of my armed forces with her red piece, eating both with this little smirk, head tilted sideways. "You lose."

"Not as yet. I have a Queen." My thumb hovered over the two pieces of black sandwiched together.

"Of course you do," she was gazing at me, that husky voice curling my toes. "I'm right here."

That made me smile, cheeks growing warm.

"Say it," she reached out and brushed cupped fingers across my lips. The sound of traffic out on the street, minutes to ten in the night.

"Say what?" I cleared my throat and ate two of her pieces. My lips were licked, eyes lowered. "That you're my Queen?"

"No."

I looked at her and waited.

The left strap on that pretty dark pink cotton dress slipped off her shoulder. The lining of her black lace bra caught my attention immediately and I stopped breathing. Where there was the wonderful lace of her bra, there was also so much cleavage and more to be exposed even then. It appeared as if she wasn't even aware of what was happening when a move was made to lean forward and collect a red piece because it was her turn. I saw enough to spin my mind dangerously and a racing heart began to go down a course that would cause it to crash.

"You're my Queen," she said. "As you know already. Don't you?"

It was enough to draw me nearer. I couldn't believe my next move and it probably stunned her. Moving forward, I couldn't breathe as I crawled over the board and scattered the pieces. Brown eyes widened when she saw me coming on all fours. There was this thirst in me that could only be quenched one way, and that was to kiss her. But the meeting of our lips didn't come so fast as it would seem because whilst I advanced, she leaned back. And even when she moved back, I moved in further.

I planted myself right where the situation made me feel so dominant and when she lowered herself onto the red carpet, the distance was closed even further.

"Emma." Eyelashes fluttered when she gazed up at me, dark hair fanning out.

"Can I kiss you?" Our lips were half an inch apart and parted, warm breath kissing my face.

Her chest heaved uncontrollably and we fitted so perfectly together, legs entwined already. "Yes."

Moving in, I captured her mouth and tasted the sweetness of Bourbon. I kissed her softly and slowly, passion building up between us whilst we writhed and moaned, heads tilting, fingers raking through my blonde hair and pushing strands back. It was the moment itself that burned us up quickly. The way we positioned ourselves and the desire in our chests that licked like fire. A never-ending feeling. A candle that wouldn't ever reach its last flame. Biting her bottom lip and pulling, watching her and feeling how she trembled beneath me, I knew.

I knew that we had been yearning for something for so long. Something that tasted so sweet and strong. Tilting her head back, I grazed my teeth across her jawline and sucked on skin that was already growing damp from the heat created between us. Fingers entwined eventually, I drew our hands over her head and rested our foreheads together.

She was fighting to breathe.

We stared at each other.

We just stared at each other without moving, just staying there, chests heaving. And then I pushed myself up from the heels of my palms, took a hold of the chair, got onto my feet and locked eyes with her again. She was lying there, like a doll, that pink dress creased and slightly bunched up around shapely exposed thighs. She was just looking at me. And I smiled.

"You fool," Regina croaked, scowling. "You imbecile. You...twat."

"What?" I shrugged. "Are those my pet names now? How rude. When I liked dear and sweetheart and cupcake so much more."

"So you're going to delightfully turn the key in the ignition, then leave me panting here at your feet. How advantageous."

"We agreed to take things slow, remember?" I winked and licked my lips.

"So you shut it down."

"Yep," I nodded.

"Pull me up," her hands were lifted. She dangled them, thighs squeezed together, knees bent.

I took one step back and smiled.

"Emma, pull me up."

Another step, enjoying myself.

"Emma." She groaned. "Pull me up. Are you just going to leave me here like this? Emma! Get back here! I command it!" One of my pony holders, a black one fell from the chair and landed on her face and Regina honestly thought it was a living thing.

She batted at it and squealed, getting to her feet in a matter of seconds and darting away from the spot, hugging herself.

"It's just my pony holder," I said from the doorway.

Brown eyes turned to me and fire flickered within. "You'll pay for this," she growled.

And before I could anticipate her next move, Regina advanced on me, fists clenched. Very soon, I threw myself onto the bed and grabbed the pillows, curling up. But she pounced and came in, sending me into a fit of giggles whilst I was continuously tickled and fought with.


	26. Cause Baby Now We Got Bad Blood

**Excerpt:**

**_The phone began to vibrate again and 'cause baby now we got bad blood' started to fill the bedroom. Zelena wouldn't give up. We both stared at it._ **

" ** _Answer it," I said._**

" ** _Emma, why the hell would I?"_**

" ** _Suppose she's dying or something? Like she's been kidnapped and they have her at gunpoint or she's calling to say she's sorry?"_**

" ** _I doubt that at all costs. Really and truly, she's a mean bitch and always will be. Screw her and the leftovers she snatched from me."_**

**_Doing the one thing that probably made her insides freeze over, I slide my thumb across the screen and answered the call._ **

* * *

It kind of scared me when, all of a sudden, I noticed that people were getting sent home, their contracts terminated on the spot without notice. Without a declaration to alert them that hey, come tomorrow, you wouldn't be employed with us anymore. They were given one month's salary in advance but still. If you happened to be like Jessie from Marketing, a woman who just had a baby three months ago, and was a single mom, if you happened to be relying on your salary to pay expenses like rent and to buy baby stuff, then what the hell were you supposed to do after that one month passed? What would happen if she couldn't find another job by the end of September?

How could people do that?

The Board of Directors, the CEO and the suits who swept down into New York like crows, hailing from Canada, all of them were behaving weird. Standing in the hallways, whispering behind folders encasing documents and staring at us with hooded eyes. As if we had done something to them personally. Even Larry grew furious with their intimidating stares and voiced his disgust. He spoke to Regina about it but apparently she was a little too busy to even spare a few jokes that could lighten up the mood.

They weren't in her office mostly but did stop in.

It appeared as if they were building their nest in the Accounts and Records Keeping Departments.

I remembered it as clear as ever now. It was in September, because the guys and I were discussing Anthony's decision to study Marketing at this community college. He was eager to pursue something, to keep on studying and we were trying to persuade him to do that. So there were these brochures of the college splayed out across his desk, with like three of us circling his cubicle. It was a fifteen minutes break and we were all discussing the courses to take. Larry was at his desk, on the phone with someone, and it was one of those days where there wasn't much work to be done.

"See, Economics is hard," Peter was saying, studying a green and white brochure, "all the Maths and logical thinking. And you want something to cope with, with two jobs and all."

"What are your timings like?" I was curious, tugging at the collar of my red plaid shirt and still feeling the tag biting into already irritated skin. It was a shirt Regina had bought for me. Banana Republic.

Anthony shrugged, rolling his blue Paper mate pen across the desk, just in front of the keyboard. "I work from two to eleven here, as you know, moving into Customer Service after five. Then from midnight to like six in the morning, I work at this warehouse a couple blocks from here."

"Dude," Jack's eyes were huge. "That's hard."

"These classes are for the afternoons so I discussed it with Larry and Debra, HR lady," he gestured outside, "I could pull an eight to five in here instead of two to eleven and then I go to classes from six to nine, and start at my second job after midnight."

I stared at him and wondered how in the world he could do that.

There was something called SLEEP, wasn't there? But there I had been, managing on one job before Regina, renting my own apartment and coming to work. And I knew back then that my pocket felt the squeeze on a daily basis. It was like knowing you couldn't spend money on certain things. You couldn't buy stuff randomly on Ebay or during those down town escapades but had to budget. And even now that I was living with Regina, I still pitched in, although not much because she simply refused to take anything.

This guy had two jobs and he wasn't about to back down. He was pushing it, trying to get by without sleep and I stared at him and wondered so much more. Like did he have parents or was he really alone? He was Mexican. He had a brother over here but apart from that? Even Peter was impressed, growing silent.

"I manage," Anthony said, smiling a little. "Since I was in Mexico, we used to hardly get sleep. Papa had this field and we had to be up at four to pick fruits before hitching a ride to school for eight. Then I worked at a grocery store from four to eight and went home to help papa pack bags with berries. The most sleep I got was four hours."

From the corner of my eye, there was movement. Someone had entered the department and it wasn't Regina. But it was someone who sizzled the air with a bad vibe.

Larry mumbled something.

Sitting there, we suddenly grew quiet as one of the suits stepped up to the supervisor's desk and handed him this sheet of white paper. Just a sheet of white. And without a smile or greetings to us, the suit exited, dressed in overall black.

It took Larry a while before he cleared his throat. "Listen up," his voice was too steady, face appearing pale suddenly, "when I call your names, please come. Peter, Nathan, Vick, Terrence, and Anthony."

All five of them rose up lazily, stretched high and were prepared to get a good briefing on some new project. Sitting there, I moved around my mouse and checked the time. It was almost four. So probably Larry was going to tell them about something to be done tomorrow. A project. Something in relation to calling customers. Naturally, I sat back and smiled, completely satisfied that my name hadn't been called. Time to relax. Time to throw back and check Yahoo News, hoping that the Kardashians weren't dominating the page again.

When they all filed out of the department, following Larry, it was my turn to stare. Ceasing everything in progress. The three of us remaining stared long and hard at the door without speaking. And just like that, they were gone.

At five, Larry came back and he was alone. Gathering up his bag, his eyes locked with mine. He unzipped it, felt around for a pen and began to scribble something behind the wall of the cubicle.

"What's up, sup?" Jack rose up and approached the desk, worry wrinkling his face. He was wearing a bright red shirt with a yellow tie and I had no idea how the hell the two matched, especially with the pair of black tailored pants.

Larry collected his wits, sunk into his chair and sighed. We watched him rub a hand over his face and he appeared so defeated, his tank of hope and glory empty. I was really worried, sitting there and wondering what the hell had happened, because Larry was never that wrinkled all of a sudden. Even when business was dwindling, he had a cheerful disposition. He radiated to motivate us. Now all that remained was a shadow that loomed over his desk and made him appear so gloomy.

But we didn't have to wait long enough to know what had happened. From the time my butt was lifted off the freaking chair, the guys filed in again.

It was Peter who entered first, fists clenched and a look about him that suggested definite anger. His eyes were on fire. I watched him stride to his desk, snatch up the black backpack slumped into the seat and Anthony did the same.

"Hey," I approached to them and frowned, "what the hell happened?"

Peter didn't even touch anything else. He took a deep breath as if gathering his wits, calming himself and I was focused on. I was stared at hard and long. Anthony was leaning upon the wall of the cubicle, silent and completely speechless.

"These fucking assholes," Peter muttered under his breath.

"Out of a job," Terrence, a guy who looked a lot like Tom Cruise came in briskly, throwing his hands up and spinning around. "Out of a job. Just like that. What the hell. What the fuck is this."

"Close the door," Larry said softly.

Nathan didn't simply close it. He came in and slammed it, then strode to his desk. "Fuck this hellhole. Fuck it. Larry, I swear, I'm going to report these frigging people." A finger was pointed at our supervisor. "No notice. None! God!"

I asked what had happened. They told me that a meeting was called and they were told to take five of the ten seats. Then Debra, one of the Human Resources manager, she sat alongside two of the suits. The men who hung around like crows and observed us, necks swiveling as we passed by them. Papers were then arranged on a large table, Peter began. Nervousness ate away at them and then the lady who was always too fat for any chair in the building, she announced that their contracts were terminated.

"No reason," Peter licked his lips. "Although we know the company is going downhill but nothing at all. No reasons, no explanations. Just, hey you guys have to go. Just get the fuck out and don't come back."

"Five years, Larry," Terrence continued, snatching up his belongings. He fumbled with his black shades and swore under his breath. "Five damn years working here and then it comes to nothing. I do my job. I never quit. I always come in early and I'm not a shitty worker."

"They don't have enough money to pay us, that's what," Peter mumbled.

"Then fire the lazy fucks from the Customer Rep. department that chew on snacks all day and talk stories about their stupid love lives. Fire them. Why the fuck is Bill still employed here?" Bill was a pompous supervisor who worked with Accounts. "He comes in an hour late, leaves an hour early and cooks the books."

"Easy there," Larry warned Terrence, eyes shifting to the door.

"Look, I'm gone," Peter headed out without looking back. "Good fucking riddance."

"Wait, did you know about this?" one by one their eyes rested on me. "Did Mills tell you anything about this, Emma?"

I shrugged, standing there, completely frozen inside. "I…no, she didn't."

A few seconds elapses, as if they were scrutinizing my words, my face, to detect any lies withheld from them.

"Miss Mills didn't do the firing. That fat fuck did, Debra," Terrence said, standing there, hands shoved in his pants pockets. "I bet the suits told her to gather up some names and she chose us."

"Well after we gave her a pack of pads for Christmas last year for the gift exchange, probably she found out it was us," Anthony shrugged.

"Fuck, I forgot about that!" Peter's eyes were huge. "Suppose she found out or something? Shit!"

"Doesn't matter anymore, does it? We're over with. Done with. I wonder if Miss Mills is in?" Terrence frowned. "I'd at least like to tell her bye. She's really a nice person. Helped me get this job through my dad."

"Same here," Anthony said, both of them surprising me from their declarations. I didn't know she had aided them in securing employment. "Miss Mills knows my brother. He worked with Dazzle and she couldn't get me a position there so she told Miss Mally about me."

"Emma, you're so lucky to be with that woman," Jack said, smiling. "Kind of eases the tension when you know one of the big ones is on your side."

"But it's not like she can get us our jobs back," Terrence frowned. "I wish."

"Maybe we can go see her about it or something."

I watched them leave and sat back down, totally lost still and not knowing how to pick up my duties again.

The department felt so damn empty without them, a little after five. I sat there staring at the green clock with white hands and hated it. I hated everything suddenly about Flames. The green carpets, the stupid green water dispenser, the green mini fridge and the freaking elevator that groaned. How could they do that to Anthony? How the hell could they send a guy like him home, a guy who relied on his income so much?

"That's the world of business," Larry muttered to me. "It's unpredictable and unforeseeable things happen and only the big ones at the top know what's happening. Or they think they know."

It was just him and myself in there.

"I hate things like this," my chest hurt, "I'm always thinking about the people and what will happen to them."

"You care about people too much, Emma," he said, offering me a small smile. "I see it in the way you handle customers. Digging in a little deeper than the guys and helping in any way you can."

The doorknob rattled and we both watched it turn. A green door and a silver knob. Regina's face appeared and there was the usual whispering sound as the bottom of the door moved over the green carpet. She pushed in and appeared so sexy, adding so much sizzle to the department.

No matter what happened or where I was, her appearance would always change my mood and clear all the bad vibes away. With her brown eyes focused on me, in she came, dressed in a gray pants suit and a yellow silk shirt beneath. Gold earrings that were shaped like stars twinkled under the lights and reaching up, cupped fingers tucked stray strands of silky dark hair behind her right ear.

"Tragic," she said, as if reading my mind, "how tragic it is."

"What's the count now?" Larry leaned back in his chair.

"Close to fifty." Regina came in to stand nearer to me, just by the wall of my cubicle that was the first to the end, just near the door. "It will reach approximately one hundred by December."

"We're talking about all the branches. Canada, Caribbean, Europe."

"Yes," she nodded. "Everything else is NEED TO KNOW, strictly confidential. But what I can say, is that we have expenditures with ghost trails. With no accountability. None whatsoever and this had to be done because we cannot spend what we do not have."

"They pushed people overboard without a lifejacket," Larry said, his tone lowered, "young people. Without notice. Anthony just had his hopes up high to attend community college. He was bursting with energy. And now this happens."

I wanted to cry.

"Terrence and Anthony saw me in my office," she said softly, "I promised them that I'd do some digging to find possible job positions. There are many. I'll give them a good recommendation obviously."

"That's so thoughtful," Larry smiled.

Honestly, she melted my heart. The things she did, like her concern for the guys. I admired it. I loved that even a person in a high position could be as humane as possible by sticking their head out there for others. Helping them, especially Anthony.

I felt so deeply for the guys. I thought about what it would feel like if it had been me. The blow would have been softer but I'd be left confused, without a job, without a definite future. Of course I had ways and means to get by, I had Regina and she'd help me find another position somewhere. But these people. They had been tossed out, and I was so angry.

"They probably hate me," I muttered, head lowered, elbows propped on my desk.

"Why?" Regina frowned down at me, her arms folded upon the wall that was just about four feet high. When sitting down, my head was in line with the top of the wall.

"They're going to think I didn't get laid off because of you." I felt mushy inside.

"Oh," Regina pouted and tilted her head sideways, dark hair tumbling.

Larry actually laughed and I reared my head to consider him.

"Well, I'd never intervene…"

"HR was probably thinking that to fire the V.P's girlfriend would be murderous. Off with their heads, in a manner of speaking," he adjusted his chair and smiled. "Emma is a VIP staff."

"But I don't show favoritism. At all." Her voice was seriously doing things to me as it always did and I wanted to go home. I wanted us to go home so that I could listen to her throaty voice and gaze endlessly into brown eyes that reminded me of chocolates. "I don't show Emma favoritism. I'm hardly in the way."

"You don't have to show her favoritism. We all know she means the world to you. Therefore, it's really understood, that you wouldn't have her evicted from the building."

"True..." her red painted lips were bitten. I was gazed at. "Can't evict the CEO of my heart."

"Aw," Larry melted into his chair. "You two."

Knowing that my neck was probably flushed, I reached for the power button on the monitor and turned it off, avoiding her eyes.

"I suppose it's going to be oh so fun, supervising three people in here," Larry sighed, stood up and stretched. "It's off to the pub now for me. Need a drink after this afternoon."

She couldn't help herself, coming around the wall to draw closer. We were about a foot apart then and my heart was racing because I could detect those shapely thighs through that gray pair of pants. I could literally feel her body heat, pulling us together.

When they were telling Peter to refrain from being so thirsty, even I was thirsty now.

"Ready?" Regina's chest heaved, palms pressed upon her pants.

Getting up, my body felt like a sack of potatoes, so heavy, mind so heavy, and clogged up with cobwebs. Racing thoughts. We were both so raw inside from that day's occurrences. From the moment I joined her at the door and we bid Larry a good night, Regina entwined her fingers with mine. And I was pulled closer as we went to the elevator in silence.

Flames was like a ghost town at minutes to six.

No one was in sight, not even the staff from the bottom floor. But accounts was busy, the entire floor lit up still and movements detected behind shutters that weren't drawn. Out on the street, she slid her arm around my shoulder and pressed a kiss onto the mess of blonde hair that belonged to me.

"I need a drink." Her warm breath tickled my neck whilst she lingered near. "You?"

"More than ever," I sighed, eyes latched onto the third floor where the account staff were busy. "How did you manage to come off so early today even after what's going on up there?"

"Well for starters," the car door was opened by her gloved hand, dark hair flapping in the wind, "the judge and jury declared me innocent enough to serve no jail time." Her smile was contagious. I felt so warm inside. "Secondly, but not the least bit important, after today, there is only one person I need, to be with, to hold and kiss."

"I envy that person," and I ducked into the car, the smell of apples tingling my nose.

She came in after me and sealed us inside the blackness of the Mercedes Benz, Mario, her driver, adjusted the rear view mirror and smiled.

"This woman is the most amazing living being in the entire universe," she was breathless, tossing her dark hair about and smirking. "She's gorgeous beyond words and smells fantastically vanilla. She's also so vanilla to other people but entirely exquisite to me. A darling. My one and only."

"Like Adele's song?" I wrapped my arms around such a soft body and buried my face into her neck. The smell of cherries mingling with her famous White Diamond perfume made my toes curl.

"Mmhmm," she agreed, the quality of that sound within her throat making me want to kiss her so much.

.

.

An hour later and I was sliding chopped onions off of a red ceramic plate into a silver pot. The sizzling had just begun when the sound of her footsteps upon the floor caught my attention. Plop. Plop. Behind me. Hair wrapped inside a green towel, as green as wet grass, she came towards the crisis I had begun to attempt, already wearing her pajamas, a matching pair of pink with paw prints all over.

I can distinctly remember that particular pair folded neatly at the back of her wardrobe and I had pulled it to the front, marveling over the thought of seeing the patterned clothing on such a sophisticated woman.

"I didn't know you could cook," she teased, leaning in to press a warm kiss onto my neck. Feeling entirely nostalgic in that moment. Like, New York was buzzing with life around us, vehicles crawling by down on the streets, pedestrians hustling home, blaring of horns and phones ringing after hours in businesses embedded in skyscrapers. And yet…

Yet we were both in that apartment, captivated in each other completely and savoring every single second.

"I'm not sure as yet either," I laughed and stirred the chopped onions up inside the oil, trying to focus so that everything could be done right. "How hard can it be? It's just a few basic steps, right?"

"Right," she hopped onto a stool and sat there, left elbow propped up on the kitchen counter, chin resting in the palm of her cupped hand. "Alert me on when I need to take over."

"I'm flying solo," I smiled and was just about to add the cubes of chicken.

"Wait!" her husky voice stopped me, the bowl already tipped but just the onions and carrots remaining inside the pot. "Not so fast. Give it a little more time. Ease your way into it, Emma. Let the carrots and onions sizzle longer."

"To what? Die a painful death?" I sighed and rested the bowl down again, shoulders hunched.

"Patience, Emma. Patience."

"I don't have patience," I sulked, "I'm hungry."

"Then who told you to start cooking?" an eyebrow was raised at me.

Huffing out a sigh, I shrugged. "Just wanted to impress you, I guess. You had a hard day."

"Oh, Emma," she slid off the stool and came slowly to me. "You're such a sweetheart."

"Which girlfriend wouldn't want her girlfriend to cook something up for her, after work?" The wooden spoon was pried from my grasp and she moved in closer, our shoulders pressing together.

"That applies to both of us, don't you think?" The cubes of chicken were dished into the pot and the sizzling began again. "So I have a plan. Let's both work on this. Together. Since we both have a girlfriend who worked today and we both wish to cook something for this...girlfriend. What do you think?"

"Sounds like a plan," I said, actually amused by the truth.

I guess it took us half the time it would have taken me to do the cooking all by myself. After the noodles were added into the pot and stirred up together, we both helped ourselves and headed to the patio outside.

A cool wind was caressing New York that evening, the area dotted with lights from skyscrapers in the distance and a certain amount of hustle and bustle below. So that when she slipped inside to retrieve two cans of juices from the fridge, my upper body leaned over the ledge of the patio and I inhaled deeply. Sounds pretty weird, doesn't it? To get half my body out there but it was so thrilling, knowing that I wouldn't fall and even if that happened, the roof of the bar just under the railing would welcome me with a mouthful of grass.

Watching the way traffic moved below managed to pull me down below for just a moment, engaging myself in the nightlife. There was a woman with a head of gray pushing a blue stroller across the street, and a man wearing a black trench coat, quite an odd choice of clothing for this early in winter, he stopped to smile down at the baby. He moved on to a news stand and offered up a note for that day's papers. The black guy who I knew and often small talked with, he lifted a cigarette to his black stained lips and sucked on it.

Everything seemed to have a chain reaction, one thing leading to the other. The lady who was pushing the stroller, she moved on, stooping to pick up a paper that was blowing in the wind. And whilst she did that, the stroller was left unattended. A young woman with purple hair and dressed in knee high black boots, black leather pants and a very colorful tank top, she lingered near the baby, staring at the old lady who deposited the paper inside a trash can. She seemed nervous, unsure of what to do.

We did things unconsciously and yet, those moments meant so much.

Even when we didn't mean to, that part of us that really cared about the well-being of others just lit up.

Suppose the baby had been left unattended and someone took the stroller away? Suppose the brakes on the stroller weren't set and the baby rolled out into traffic? Would the girl with the purple hair have stopped crisis from happening? I bet she would. She would do it by reflex.

"Better to eat the meal whilst it's very warm," Regina purred from behind and when I felt her arms wrapping around my waist, that was enough to make me moan. "What has gotten your attention like this?"

"See that stroller over there," I pointed. The old lady was fixing the baby inside, with a smile upon her face. I told her what had happened.

"Poor child," she agreed with me, and my paranoia. "What a reckless grandmother or babysitter. I believe that would warrant a good scolding."

"You know, right?"

"Best be sure though that God is watching," Regina reminded me. "We must believe that or else within this chaotic world, we'd fall into the pits of destruction as well."

"Since when are you so...hopeful and faithful and religious?" I turned to frown at her.

She pressed our cheeks together and squeezed me into a tighter hug. "Since I met you."

"Oh really?"

"Really," she whispered into my right ear. "Now let's eat."

The food tasted delicious, so delicious, I licked my lips a little too much and smacked them, capturing her attention enough to warrant a scowl. It wasn't done purposely but it was one of those times when you were so hungry, every second whilst chewing felt like a chew on Heaven. Something was added to her food to make every mouthful taste so heavenly, some kind of seasoning that kept me going back for more. And in more ways than one, the same applied to her.

I always crawled back to her like a little puppy, pouting and aching to be petted.

"So about your bank accounts and stuff," the can of orange juice was reached for, "what's the update?"

She sighed, pushing the fork across the red ceramic plate idly, eyes lowered. "They sold my shares out to the other Directors in Dazzle."

"Value?"

"If I sold them all out? All of my shares?" she stared at me. "Close to six million dollars, Emma."

That was enough to have me drop the fork, and mouth agape, I stared, disbelief washing over my face. "Oh fuck."

"Yes. I worked so hard for that piece of shit company. So hard. And everything was just taken away from me in a flash. Everything snatched from all corners of my life. Half the money I spent on the mansion in L.A, my daughter refuses to speak to me for reasons beyond my understanding and I am sliced out of Cora's will. Yes I will address her as Cora because she is no mother of mine."

The whore.

I chose not to color her mother in a bad way because of what had been stated before. There wasn't any need in me to vocally insult the mother of the woman I was in love with. None. She brought forth this amazing and gorgeous being and I had to thank her somewhat for that. Robin would receive any gratification from me. None at all. He was a stranger that was diseased and I refused to participate in any favorable conversations illuminating him as some hero.

Asking her if there was some way to protest the issue about her shares only brought on more gloom. She shook her head and voiced the obvious upper hand her mother had on Dazzle, and whatever she saw fit, that was bound to happen.

"And Kay?" I forked up the last of my noodles and our eyes met.

"Kay doesn't answer my calls. She has obviously sided with her father and grandmother and I am disowned."

"Aw I don't think so," my refusal to believe that was strong. "She's your daughter. Daughters don't give up on their moms like that."

"I've given up on my mother," she reminded me. "After what she's done."

"Yeah but you haven't done anything like what Cora did to you, to Kay," I pointed out. "All you did was to leave that asshole and embrace who you are. Nothing's wrong with that."

"Her father is filling her head with these little lies," Regina told me, obviously affected by it all, "he has tried to do the same with Chad but failed."

"What kind of lies?" I was curious, watching how her brown eyes were moistened from tears.

"According to Chad, Robin blatantly told them that I wished to abort Kay because we wished not for a second child," she ticked them off on her fingers, "secondly, it was highlighted that I cheated on him and pushed him to seek the love of another. When it is obviously the other way around. Thirdly, he claims that he was made to pay for Kay's tuition to study abroad whilst I sidestepped the expenses. When I paid her expenses in full. All of these little lies that are being blown up."

It was unbelievable that Kay would accept those words from her father. But then again, I didn't know her that well. She could be inclined to her father more since she was younger, as Chad was attached to Regina. Whatever he said, she'd believe. She'd believe Robin. And I bet that Cora was being this too, fueling the fire with poisonous accusations. If she could threaten me to stay away from Regina, on my parents' existence, then what else couldn't she do?

"Kay should at least give you a chance to explain yourself -"

"If it was that easy," Regina lowered her head, and appeared defeated. I worried after her, wondering if something else had occurred that fueled bad blood between herself and her daughter.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The question was more to signal that I was open to taking that path but would be perfectly fine if she disapproved.

It took a few seconds of silence for me to get the message, that she didn't want to proceed with that topic. But it wasn't going to be dismissed fully. I was quite aware of that, knowing that she would bring it up soon enough because that's how Regina was. When something was bothering her and I pinpointed the area, that flickering light bulb inside that brilliant mind would never stop. Until I was settled with enough to understand the situation.

"Mally asked about you today," her voice was slightly unsteady, head tilted and gaze still lowered onto a plate of half-finished steamed greens and noodles.

"Yeah?" I dabbed at my lips with a red paper towel and rested it upon the table. "Good or bad?"

"Always good," she said softly, "never a bad word these days."

"These...days?" smiling, I was puzzled.

"Well," the wind lifted her dark, choppy hair and brown eyes were focused on me now, "when I started to...when we started to see each other in the earlier days, she did have some negative things to say."

"Like?" I was curious and decided that it was all in good humor. "Let me know. I'm all ready."

"Emma," her tone was so softer now, it amazed me and I couldn't understand why she was using that gentleness all of a sudden. "You do know that whatever anyone says, it doesn't matter."

"No harm in knowing anyway," I pointed out, studying her face and noting how beautiful those brown eyes appeared in the darkened patio. "So go on. Tell me what was said and I'll tell you what the guys had to say about you as well."

"Oh really?" she smiled and sat back, arms folded. "I suppose that this is going to be quite intriguing."

I sat back, lips bitten and awaited her words. In addition to that, the flutter of eyelashes was studied. The way her red painted lips curled up a little, and those amazing features in total. All of them. The way she had the softest curves I had ever seen. The swell of her breasts beneath that pair of cute pink pajamas. A lace vest. One of those had to be worn under there and it was like her signature style of dressing. Wearing a lace vest and a lace bra because she savored the need to be kinky with me. It's like she knew exactly the way my toes curled up just to rest my eyes on a slice of lace showing above the neckline of her jersey or shirt. Or even the little strap with lace trimmings.

She knew and she tormented me with it.

"Mally thought that I was delirious." Her can of juice was taken up and the remaining contents poured into a glass. "That I was out of my mind to fall in love with you."

"Why?"

"Your age."

"Oh." I could have figured that much. "Likewise."

"With?" she frowned.

"The guys," I shrugged. "Neal thought that I was totally insane, to take my boss out on a date. He also thought that you were old enough to be my mother. Killian wanted to win you over because he claims that older women fall to his feet. And Will...well he didn't say much but probably thought a mixture of the two anyway."

"Interesting." Her glass was lifted to those tempting lips and I watched in silence. "I should run away with Killian. I always loved a man with an accent after all. What do you think?"

I stared. "I'd find both of you and I'd kick his ass. After I steal his cat. I'd steal Chessie, bring her here and since the rent is paid for like three months in advance, staying here will be oh so fun. Getting fur all over your furniture."

She chuckled inside her throat, head shaken. "For a moment there, I thought that you'd get really upset with my words. I was fearing that jealousy would rear its ugly head and bare its fangs."

"I think you might not understand this clearly," I leaned forward and my eyes never left her face, "but when it comes to you, I'm never jealous. Sometimes I just think that you're too good and too hot to be with someone as...vanilla...as me. Chances are, I'll never get jealous. I believe that at the end of the day, the choice is up to you. If you want to stay with me then naturally, you make me the luckiest girl in the world. If you don't, and you run off with someone else, then I'll know that I was never enough and it was my fault."

Lips parted, she stared at me as if I had given an Oscar speech. For a moment, I had no idea what to make of it because it wasn't much to go by. To me, I had been honest and I was trying so hard to be vocally honest with her these past few days. It wasn't enough for me to keep my feelings inside because when you allow weeds to take over, they grow and grow. Therefore, I needed to get these feelings out. I needed to empty my thoughts onto her and the best way to do so was to be bold and say it clearly.

"I really thought that, here was I, feeling the same way about you, but that it was one sided," she said.

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

She rested her glass upon the table. Her chest heaved. "I sometimes think that you're too beautiful, and smart and stunning to be with a woman as stubborn and sophisticated and cranky as me. And I always have this fear that you're going to meet someone else and you'll grow bored of me. Of holding on. Then you'll run off with him or her and you'll look back and think of me as a phase, an awakening."

"Regina," my chest ached.

"Like a high school student with a crush on her teacher," she continued, fingers curling around the glass, eyes lowered. "You move in. You gain some. You grow your wings. And then you move on."

"It's not like that," my voice was hoarser. "Trust me."

"I feel as if..." her lips twitched, and brown eyes fluttered close. She paused a bit, and I watched her take a deep breath. "I feel as if I owe you my life. In more ways than one. In ways that you cannot even understand because before we met, I was in such a dark place. I wish that I could take you back into that time when I was rock bottom. When I was...dying...inside. And then...you...showed up in Dazzle and I saw you. And just like that," a tear slipped down her right cheek, "...you give me something to look forward to."

It was one of those moments where I had no idea what to say because she basically left me in a puddle of feels. I could only gaze back at her and wonder what it must have been like and when exactly did she fall for me. When did the moment present itself fully? I wanted to ask her but I think that I knew already. Some part of me knew. I remembered that day when I first dropped my application and resume into Dazzle and was standing by Ruby's desk. Ruby introduced herself and then there was the strangest feeling like someone was watching me.

My first time in Dazzle, that day was. Going in and getting out back again and I knew. I knew that the moment had been then. Or perhaps after. But it didn't matter to me. It didn't matter because it had happened. She fell for me. She made a move on me when I couldn't suck it up and do so myself. And above all, as I should always remember, I owed her so much for coming after me when we first met each other. Had she not, then progress would have been slower. Things would have been different.

"I lost my marriage and my...baby. I almost lost my life because of selfishly wanting to take it away. But then you came in like an...angel."

Our eyes met.

"You have no idea how sorry I am for what has happened between us."

"We've moved past that," I reminded her. "So forget about it."

"No, I want you to know that I was avoiding you," she croaked. "And you weren't paranoid. I lied and you can be as angry as you wish. But I was avoiding you because I wanted to give you a chance to move on. To second think what we were involved in and to get out if you wished to do so. I wanted you to think things through for yourself and to come to terms with who I am and what we have in each other. To decide if it is enough, if it will ever be enough. Or if you want so much more."

I sat back and tears clouded my eyes. "There you go," I couldn't believe it. My head was shaken. "I'm not angry about the fact that you lied, telling me that it was your job keeping you there, that you had so much to do. I'm just angry that you thought that you could never say that to me. What I wanted you to say to me so long ago, you've finally said it."

Her eyes widened, lips parted. She was hanging onto every second after that. She was scared.

"I will never move on from you," I stated, keeping our eyes locked. "I will never let you go. Chances are, even in every life after this, I'll always think that you're worth it to me. That you're more than enough. And once you're in my life, I will never want anything more. I wouldn't settle for less. I've been waiting to meet you since I was probably around fourteen and all my friends were getting boyfriends and girlfriends and falling in love. Whilst I was this awkward little high school girl without the thrill of a first kiss but only dreams. You..." I noted how she was blinking through tears, "...you were so worth the wait."

"Lily," she whispered, lips remaining parted.

"I loved Lily," I admitted, "but I never loved her or felt this way for her, as I do when it comes to you. She was just a really amazing friend to me. But in the end, it went sour. It took me to a bad place. I vowed to never have someone get so close to me anymore and it worked. Until you came along and proved that we don't need the same person who broke our hearts to fix it. There's always someone who could come along and not only fix it, but prove to you that there's so much more to look forward to."

I couldn't believe how forthright I was. Finally, I was saying so much, emptying the contents of my heart and it felt so great. I couldn't believe that all these things had been restrained.

Most times, a span of silence between us was filled with the meeting of eyes and the fact that we just couldn't breathe. This time, it was no different. Funny how New York could be such a noisy city, traffic crawling by below, and the shout of pedestrians, the flashing of lights and commotions. The whirling of a chopper above, and the blaring of horns. So many distractions and yet we didn't seem to notice any of those things at all. It was just the two of us, sitting there and becoming so captivated by one another, I couldn't divert my attention anywhere else.

"I'll take in the plates," I said finally, getting up and collecting them. "Another can of juice?"

"No, thanks," her head was shaken, right hand held up. "It's fine."

So I went through the glass doors, and towards the small kitchen, depositing the wares into the sink. Deciding to wash them right there and then, the faucet was turned on and the soaping began. Just as I was rinsing the second plate, there came the tinkling of glasses behind me and her hand appeared to my right side. Of course, I startled because she had slipped in without me noticing. The glasses were rested upon the counter and her body, as warm as she was, brushed me from behind.

"Mally also said that you'd be too amateur for me in bed," she whispered into my right ear. That made me smile. "But she shouldn't speak on such a matter since we were never bed buddies."

"I don't believe that," my disbelief was shown when our eyes met. "Come on, you two were together for more than a year and you never slept together?"

"Yes." She nodded.

"You...slept together or you didn't sleep together?" I was confused.

"We slept together in the same bed. But that's it."

"Right," I smiled, shaking my head.

"I'm serious," she shrugged, "we only ever kissed."

"Two hot women like you two, and you're telling me that you never ever -"

"Emma, she was married. It was a long time ago. We were...old fashioned, in a manner of speaking. And we weren't sure about the intensity of our feelings. Fooling around, that's all we ever did. Like two best friends who...cuddled and hung out and watched soppy movies and cried together in the cinema." Regina stepped back, and I wondered why.

"Yes, we were...handsy but putting it across bluntly, you are the only woman who I've ever been with, in a fully intimate manner. And by fully, I mean, completely and absolutely, certainly...clothes off, and everything else."

"Why are you stepping back like that?" I frowned, watching her retreat again.

"I'm going to do something."

I reached at the back of me and turned off the faucet. "And what's that?"

"Stay where you are." Her hands were held out, fingers splayed. "Don't come closer."

"What -"

She was about six feet away now. "Wait for it..."

"Oh god, you're going to shape shift or something, aren't you?" I stared. "Tonight's a full moon. You're a freaking vampire. You're going to show yourself to me."

"You idiot. Do I look like I'd do well with pale skin and fangs?" she gestured with two fingers in the air.

"A werewolf," I swallowed.

"I shave. I wax. I don't think so."

"What the hell are you going to do?" I was nervous. "I don't like surprises. You know that. Come on. Don't do this to me."

"Turn around then. Go on," she flicked her hands at me, eyes appearing dangerously dark. "Before I change my mind."

Of course the first thing that came to mind was totally funny. There I was, wondering if as soon as my back was turned, an attack would follow of some sort. The kind that involved a leap and a tackle to the floor, even though it was so childish and she would never attempt that. Regina would never lunge at me. Nah. As much as her childishness peeked out sometimes, things never escalated into something like that. So I did it. I turned around and waited, my lips twitching into a smile.

Like two minutes slid by and there was just silence within the apartment.

The blaring of horns and commotion continued downstairs and the humming of the A.C unit, the gurgling inside the water cooler to my right. But apart from that, no kind of sound originated from behind me. I was wondering. Did she escape? Did she quietly slip into the bedroom and was under the covers? Or had she gone out of the apartment?

"Regina?" I frowned at the sink, "are you there?"

"Yes."

Strange. "What are you...doing then?"

There was the jingle of those silver bangles around her right wrist and I knew something was being done. I knew it.

"Okay, you can turn around now."

So I did most obviously, never knowing what the heck to expect.

At first, my heart probably screamed inside of a chest that was slowly growing on fire. Secondly, my lungs collapsed inside my chest cavity and refused to work. There was no attempt to breathe on my part because the sight to behold was enough to knock the wind out of me, to a point where I stared and had to blink several times.

Her cute pajamas with the paw prints had suddenly disappeared and somehow I should have known what to expect all along. It was unbelievable. She stood there wearing a new set of red lace lingerie that I had never cast eyes on before, the kind with the stockings and all. Black stockings. A black corset with red lace trimmings, her honey colored breasts heaving from within. And this little pair of red tights that hugged her slight hips.

Lace that you could see through, that you could see enough of. Well except for certain parts but the delivery was effective and I was suddenly panting inside, the pitter patter of my heart sending blood rushing through veins that were on fire.

"Wow," I licked my lips, "just...wow."

"You like?" she smirked.

"I more than...like. I...absolutely love it. You look...stunning." Come on lungs, work, dammit. Work for me. I was growing dizzy.

"La Perla," the brand was made known, "I bought it especially for your private viewing."

"I bet." Dear God, La Perla, you really don't know what you look like on a woman like Regina.

"We haven't been quite intimate in weeks, and I was hoping that we can put aside everything else and..." she shrugged, "...bond in more ways than just...talking?"

"Well...we don't want to waste time during this viewing, do we?" I was already growing so warm, flustered. Taking steps forward, my hands outstretched as if I was in a trance.

"I suppose not. It's already past eight. And...Emma?" her brown eyes widened when I advanced. I took the space between us in strides and she managed to step back fast enough into the bedroom where the 'Queen-sized' bed blocked her path.

Falling onto the softness of pale pink satin sheets, her dark hair fanned out and it was just a breathtaking sight to behold, one that I hadn't seen in a long time. The way her body was just beautiful beyond words, the contour of her hips and the softness of arms, of thighs that parted to accommodate me. It was then when I got onto the bed and realized that breathing wasn't necessary at that point. The urge to just seek out, to touch, to run my fingertips across honey colored skin that felt so smooth and warm.

I trailed a pathway from between the swell of her breasts along a heaving midsection, downwards, slowly and she gasped. Back arching from off the bed, Regina took a hold of my hunched shoulders and pulled me into a kiss that immediately melted my body onto hers. Tasting and savoring. We curled into each other, arms wrapped around and fingernails digging into my red plaid shirt.

She kissed me with a deepness that turned my mind upside down. Her kiss unearthed a moan that came from a place that had been hollow. An aching that was finally being soothed, just from the way our tongues moved together and her head tilted, fingers moving through my disheveled blonde hair and pushing strands back.

When I tipped her head back and grazed my teeth across that perfect jawline, she trembled beneath me. It was like a flower unfolding. Awakening slowly and trembling from every touch. From the way our bodies met and stayed close, knowing that the connection had been yearned for a long time now.

The way she gazed into my eyes as if the world was about to crash down, and she saw eternity in my soul. She could see what no one else could. The intensity of my kiss and the way I moved on top of her. My right hand was already slipping between us, just excited to feel how wet she was through her lingerie. And from the moment I felt exactly what was desired, the rush inside of me to do so much more built up like a wave.

"Take what's yours," she whispered, her red lipstick smeared, lips quivering.

"I'm going to do that," my hand cupped between her heated legs and she arched upwards, clinging onto me.

Taking my time was all she ever wished for. Therefore, that was a given. To slowly loosen out the lacing and part that black corset, releasing her heaving breasts. My eyes latched onto the swell of them, her exposed chest, eyes focused on me. Honey colored skin that was so soft and smooth. And I lowered my mouth to capture erect nipples, tasting and feeling how she trembled from the teasing. Sucking and pulling. It was a buildup to prepare her for me moving further down south. And when I did and her little red tights was slipped off, she ran kinked fingers through my hair, capturing enough up into a bundle.

Therein began the real fun.

It had been some time since I had been down there. Pressing kisses onto the softness of her inner thighs, the skin so warm and delicate. Biting in gently and chewing whilst she mewled, of course I enjoyed it as much. I enjoyed using my tongue to taste soft skin that smelt like jasmine and vanilla, tasting and licking every inch and then my thumb began to encircle around that delicate part that was aching, throbbing to be touched. Touching was an art, as I had realized. To tease and hold back from actually doing so much more. Wedging that sensitive part that was flushed between my fingers and squeezing. She was shaking when I continued to torment, begging me to just give her what she wanted.

"I want..." she choked, the heels of her palms sweaty and digging into the satin sheet.

"You want...what?" I had to hold open her thighs because by reflex, she was trying to squeeze them close from the pleasure. That simple move turned me on. Parting her legs and keeping them that way whilst she squirmed under me, I used my tongue to savor a taste that had become so familiar already. Licking a pathway up and down, slowly then fast, and pushing inwards.

"Give it to me," her voice was husky, so husky, eyes squeezed shut.

"Give what to you?" I played stubborn.

"Three."

"Three?" I frowned and ran my thumb across her wetness, feeling how the black stockings kissed my cheeks.

"Fingers," she mewled and couldn't stop moving. "Three fingers."

Two would fit so tightly already. On so many occasions, that was enough to push her to the edge. So based on that request, I was wondering why the suddenness to get so hardcore. Obviously her subconscious must be talking to me. She was somehow drifting into the waters of insanity. Slipping away or something. Nevertheless, I fitted myself over her and began to move slowly. Up and down. Thrusting in and out whilst she wrapped her legs around me and refused to never take alone without giving.

My shirt was tugged off by her shaky hands and whilst I moved on top of her, those red painted lips sucked on my nipples, one after the other. Driving me insane, making me lose control.

My vision was blurred when I felt her swiftly yank down my blue panties. So fast and exciting. A hand slipping inside and finding its way between my legs. Feeling me. Feeling her way in. I began to tremble obviously, because it was something I missed so much. To feel her hand on me, those fingers that were bold and yet gentle with every touch. She knew how to touch me. It was something that came naturally. Entirely. Nuzzling our cheeks together, our moans filled the air when she began to thrust kinked fingers into me whilst I did the same to her.

Over and over again, we picked up speed and our bodies glistened with sweat. Our bodies writhed together, her legs wrapped around my waist whilst the air sizzled with passion. Even the coolness of the night wind drifting in from the opened windows couldn't chase away the heat. I wanted her. I wanted her so much, I wanted so much more. I wanted to make love to her harder and it was done, watching how brown widened. The sheets were soaked gradually as she twisted us around and manned the top, sitting up and grinding our hips together.

Regina had so much energy inside of her to literally drive me crazy.

It's like there was no way the pace would ever slacken and stay that way or we'd cease making love to each other. Continuously, she picked up the rhythm and rode it through, palms caressing my breasts and fingernails digging into skin that was wet already.

It was my turn to wrap my legs around her body whilst she sat on me, lowering her parted lips to capture mine into a kiss so deep, it was amazing. It was amazing how she could kiss me and have that particular bond boost me up. Like connecting with someone and feeding off of their energy. That's how it was between us. And I didn't want her to stop.

My hands took a hold of the softness around her hips as we rocked together.

And when she came harder, it was definitely a 'full body' orgasm as we had spoken about before. Watching how she convulsed and held onto me, eyes squeezed shut. I felt every wave and the rush of wetness that happened between our entwined legs. Just knowing that you could drive someone so far, to a point where they lost it all, and gave in to pleasure so intense, there was no control, it was something to marvel over. It could make you feel so special, realizing that you're the one person who can make the woman you love feel that way.

When our eyes met, she gazed at me, lips parted and I knew.

I knew that I could never ever love anyone as much as I loved her. And she could never feel the same way about anyone else. At least not this intense.

I watched how she tossed her hair out, lips parted, and Regina unhinged me with an intensity that blinded my mind. I choked on the pleasure rippling through my body, feeling how she kept on thrusting and moving, using a thumb to encircle my nipple in a tormenting fashion. Both of us continued to use fingers that were so wet and so tormenting. Very soon, as my orgasms grew fiercer and made me cry out, her hoarse cries as well filled the air. She came so hard, I could feel the intensity of those waves of pleasure around my fingers, over and over again as her body convulsed. Tumbling into my arms.

Turning us over, I fitted myself onto her and nuzzled my face into hair that smelt like watermelons whilst she trembled, and shook. Coming undone still. Even when I decided to cup between her legs, just as we enacted a deep kiss, she squirmed under me and opened up again. It was enough to force me to watch how she was coming undone so easily. It was passion. With one thrust, her fingers closing around my wrist, head was thrown back and I continued to massage between those soft legs. My teeth closed around her jaw whilst she cried out hoarsely, twisting under me and filling the room with our own kind of music.

Really, and truly, I don't know how the hell we managed to move onto the kinky stuff afterwards but that's how fueled up things had become. I was going and going and so was she, never stopping, and I remembered thinking that when the biting kicked in, we were moving into a playful kind of zone. We were suddenly smiling at each other, smiling through kisses whilst she bit my bottom lip and pulled. Teasing me. Running fingers through my blonde hair, and chewing on my right earlobe. Sucking on my neck and licking a pathway between my heaving chest. I had become her lollipop, most likely.

But she still had on the sexy pair of black stockings. Completely naked except for the stockings. Can you imagine that sight? Dark hair kissing honey colored shoulders, head buried into a pillow that felt like a cloud, and fingers twisting the sheets beneath. Her knees were bent, toes pointed and we were just gazing at each other.

"What a fun ride," my right side was poked with her big toe, nail painted red. "I missed it."

"Don't make me miss it again," I said.

"Well look at you all sex deprived and thirsty for so much more on a regular basis." I was smiled at. She was breathless, breathing through her parted lips. "Imagine if we had tumbled into bed during those tense moments."

"What's wrong with making out every single day? Maybe twice?" I stared.

She stared back. Her lips were licked. "My sex drive can only reach so far."

I laughed at that and shook my head. "You? After how far you push things between us? We've been at it for over an hour. And you're lying there, talking about your sex drive."

"Because we haven't made love to each other…in bed…for quite some time. I made up for it, didn't I?" she winked. "My, oh my did you scream."

I didn't believe it. "I didn't scream as much as you!"

"Emma, don't be shy of your vocal reactions to my thrusting fingers that push you off the edge…" she was enjoying herself, "…constantly."

"Look, if you honestly want to never admit that I make you cry out more than enough, then that's fine."

"I'm just pulling your leg," she teased, reaching out her right hand, fingers splayed, "come closer to me. Let us cuddle. I wish to play with your beautiful blonde tendrils and to hold you near."

"Poetic. I like it."

More than likely, I didn't waste any time in crawling forward on the bed on all fours. I needed cuddles and to have her wrap me in those warm arms, pressing kisses onto my head, it made me feel so loved, so complete. And when we remained there in silence, whilst she stroked my hair, I couldn't want anything else in the entire world.

Then her cellphone rang from the vanity to our right. The ringtone she chose for her sister would always make me shake from laughter. It was 'Bad Blood' by Taylor Swift. At first there was no attempt on her part to answer, but then she reached out for it and checked the display.

"Strange," I gazed up at her face and detected a frown.

"Zelena?" the caller's ID was illuminated and kept on flashing. "What does she want now?"

"She probably wants to repent her dirty sins,' Regina sighed and declined the call, handing the iPhone to me.

"Has she ever shown you pictures of the baby?" Our fingers entwined and I could feel her breathing behind me.

"No. Not that I wish to see any. She was never interested in either Kay or Chad. Mother was. But only to some extent. Fuck them all."

Her sudden use of a swear word piqued my interest and I had to smile. I smiled because Regina never swore loosely. And to have her use that particular word, it meant so much in that moment.

The phone began to vibrate again and 'cause baby now we got bad blood' started to fill the bedroom. Zelena wouldn't give up. We both stared at it.

"Answer it," I said.

"Emma, why the hell would I?"

"Suppose she's dying or something? Like she's been kidnapped and they have her at gunpoint or she's calling to say she's sorry?"

"I doubt that at all costs. Really and truly, she's a mean bitch and always will be. Screw her and the leftovers she snatched from me."

Doing the one thing that probably made her insides freeze over, I slide my thumb across the screen and answered the call. But on speaker. Pressing mute, Regina took a hold of my right wrist that held the phone and squeezed it.

"Emma!' she hissed.

"Hello?" First of all, Zelena was hoarser than usual, very hoarse. There was a distinct humming in the background, maybe from an A.C unit or something else. Or maybe it was the negative energy buzzing around her. Her dirty deeds. "Hello, I know you're there."

"Screw you," Regina's throaty voice said just near my right ear, even though MUTE was on. "Screw you, witch."

"Well I'm glad you're listening, you twat," her sister said, obviously pissed. "Listen up and listen up carefully. I am not going to allow you to meet my fiancé in public without knowing, do you hear me? I know your intentions. I know them!"

"Is she serious?" Regina hugged me tighter and chuckled within her throat.

"All you want is to sleep with my fiancé! That's all you want, you bitch! Leave him alone! He's not yours anymore and he sure as hell isn't going to ever be yours! So back off, and get it right! I don't want you meeting him. I don't want you to see him. Stay away from him!" she screamed. "Stay the fuck away! STAY AWAY!"

With one swift move, Regina pressed the MUTE button and the mic was open. She cleared her throat and immediately the screaming stopped.

"First of all, _dear_ ," her voice was composed, so level, "the fact that he did not fill you in on his whereabouts is not my concern. That's your issue with him on trust. Secondly, I don't do leftovers. Leaves a rather bad taste in one's mouth, don't you think?"

"Listen to me, you bitch –"

"It's like chewing on cardboard, sis. Really disgusting. Maybe you should swing the other way as I do. Because he has never lived up to the occasion in bed. I don't know what you see in him. Goodbye."

"I will not –"

She ended the call.

With her arms wrapped around me, I took a hold of them and hugged myself. We both stared ahead.

"Well played," I said, "I mean, even after we just had a carnival in bed, that was a nice reference. Rising to the occasion. Leftovers. Well…played."

I was stared at. "The next time you answer my calls when I most certainly have voiced my choice to decline, I will chew…you…up."

"Where?" my face upturned to have our eyes meet. I smiled.

"You know where."

"No, I don't."

"Here," her hand was lowered to cup between my legs and I trembled, lips parting. I stopped breathing. "Now reach for the sheet like a nice lover and let's bury ourselves under it, and let's sleep."

I did as I was told, being as obedient as possible.

"Good girl," she smirked at me and licked her lips.


	27. Then Neal's Jealousy Shows

**Excerpt:**

" ** _Why are you like this?" she frowned at me. "Did I do something?"_**

" ** _I'm not like anything and no, you didn't do a thing. I'm just...I just woke up, okay?" the obvious was pointed out. "Maybe I'm still groggy and maybe I'm agitated as fuck and I'm not even aware of it. I feel edgy. Not because of you." I gestured at her. "I just feel...odd."_**

" ** _Then go back to sleep, Miss Cranky Pants," she pulled out a pillow from under her elbow and buried my face under it for a split of a second. "I really don't like your cranky self."_**

" ** _Hey." My hair was attacked next as she reached out and ran fingers through the blonde mess._**

* * *

"So what's the movie about again?" Neal couldn't stop asking the same damn question over and over again, since last week. "Whorian Gray?" It wasn't something one could avoid. His idiocy. The blatant attempts to clown around and stir up attention. He was always unsettled about something.

But this time, the topic at hand was one that covered my heart in passion. My favorite book. A simple slice of literature that had amazed me to a point where a self-analysis had to be conducted on myself and a few other persons closest to me. And why? Because of the main character, Dorian Gray, who had unfolded like a poisonous flower that ended up destroying his own image.

I punched Neal's arm and scowled, wedged between him and Will in the backseat of my car whilst Regina drove up front with Killian. Her sophisticated new friend. The one she bonded with over lines of poetry printed across pages. Neal's smile radiated within the interior of the backseat, and the time was already nearing three in the afternoon oh so fast.

It was Sunday.

We had spent a relaxing morning together, Regina and I, just folding laundry that smelled like lilac petals and helping Nadira.

In case most of you don't really remember who Nadira is exactly, and in the event that I did not mention her, she had been the only woman Regina trusted enough to do so many things around the apartment. Like cooking and cleaning, and ironing her work clothes when I was too lazy to do it. Not that Nadira had to iron a lot. We managed just fine but she really was attached to her job because of the money. Being a single parent and all, the elderly Indian woman who was most likely in her fifties adored her job. Unlike some people who hated what they did, greeting customers with a sour face.

For most of the morning, we were occupied, bonding by being with each other and talking about the week behind us. Whilst she folded her clothes from the laundry, I packed them up neatly. It wasn't that bad, being on my feet constantly, because I preferred to do that bit. I preferred to help out so much more than she would ever need since there was always this little itch inside my head that wouldn't stop. The fact that she allowed me to stay there without really paying for anything.

"Dorian Gray is a classic movie," Will said, staring at his phone and WhatsApping a girl he had grown close to. "It's a nice movie."

"Very nice," Regina said from up front. The road stretched out ahead was really lacking traffic. "I've seen one version. It's going to be intriguing to view a newer one."

"Whorian," Neal whispered into my right ear and I snatched his arm instantly, twisting it around. We struggled with each other, playfully initiating a round of tickling that caught Regina's attention.

"Will you two grow up at the back there?" Our eyes met in the rearview mirror. Brown. The warmest shade of brown that could become so stormy in seconds.

"It never stops," Killian assured her, "trust me, the two of them are overly grown five year olds."

She smirked at me. Our eyes were still connected. Those red painted nails tapped on the wheel. It was just like a reflex action or something because the next thing I knew, my body became so mushy, emerald eyes wide of course, and I sat back, as humble as ever. A pair of brown was still watching me through that mirror whilst she waited on the red to change. And I swear, the very strength of her love could be felt in so many ways, like that specific moment.

Without saying a word, without even doing anything at all, and that's what could happen between us. From across the room, or through the phone, an intake of breath or the flutter of her eyelashes, and she'd captivate me. I was under a spell and was giving in willingly to it at all costs.

"So a guy paints a portrait for him," Neal continued from beside me, "and he kills the guy because he finds out he's gay...correct me if I'm wrong."

"Will you just zip it?" I rolled my eyes, arms folded. "Be patient. You'll see what happens eventually."

"I'm trying to feel my way around here. Just to see if the movie is worth watching," Neal ran his fingers across the length of my left thigh and the sensation derived from it was enough to make me chuck him about again.

We ended up engaging poor Will in the scuffle as his cell was knocked onto the seat. Trying as hard as he could to pry it from between us, an arm was thrown around him and in the backseat of my small yellow car, we tangled each other up into a laughing fit.

That kind of playful commotion swept my mind back to a particular memory. In the university library, all four of us with a heap of books planted on the polished oak table.

"Here we are," Regina announced, and shoulders hunched, she peered up at the Deluxe Mall.

A very grand building it was, and somewhere, buried deep inside was the cluster of cinemas that contained a range of the softest leather seats. Like its own little town, the Deluxe appeared to be quite dead that Sunday. Very few pedestrians were in sight and the ones that did loiter around appeared to be aimlessly checking out nothing in particular. It puzzled me that their vacant stares could mean something so much more than what we would, at first glance, make of it.

A zombie apocalypse could be brewing in the air, for all I knew. And there we were, calmly filing out onto the pavement, in the hopes of watching a movie that meant so much for some of us but very little to Neal.

"Quaint, ain't it?" Will shoved his hands into the pockets of a pair of faded blue jeans and gazed up at the display, announcing 'Dorian Gray', now playing. "Handsome bloke he is."

It seemed as if the girl on WhatsApp would have to wait since his phone was nowhere in sight now.

There was a picture of the guy playing the lead role on the screen above, with dark locks that were tucked behind his ears and barely touching narrow shoulders. He had a boyish face to match the role too, also coupled with an evil grin that suggested evil thoughts. Or perhaps, as Regina would often say, a soul that was being tugged into the shadows.

"Looks like he needs Jesus," Neal piped up.

"He's handsome, but not handsome enough to tempt me," Killian served out a line that immediately caught Regina's attention as well as mine. It was one from my favorite book, 'Pride and Prejudice', said by Mister Darcy about Elizabeth Bennett and oh did he play the role nicely, with a scowl and all, and this sophisticated, snobbish look suddenly crossing his face.

"I'm hungry," I said.

Her brown eyes were turned on me.

"What?" I shrugged and rocked back on the heels of my black sneakers, "it's you who has me taking B-12 tablets. Opening my appetite."

When the heels of her knee high brown boots clicked upon the concrete pavement, I prepared myself for a scolding but surprisingly, just my right arm was taken. Oh wow. Most times when I pawed around inside the snack bag, the crackling noise would upset the beast inside of her. And she'd come out, hooded eyes and fists clenched. Ready to pounce on me for stealing a bite into a sugary bar.

"You can have what you want. Just no..." my arm was given a squeeze, "...sugary snacks."

"Pwease?" I purred into her left ear, rubbing my nose upon a warm cheek, eyes fluttering close. "Just a small one. You smell so sweet. I just want to take a nibble."

"Don't..." she glanced around at the guys fitting in with the other loiterers with vacant stares. And her cheeks colored, "Don't...start. It's too early."

Neal was staring at me suddenly. Will glanced at us, pretended that he didn't notice and began to whistle whilst Killian gracefully tapped away on his Galaxy S6.

"If you think," the first said, "that you're going to sit next to me and get all...lovey dovey...then choose another seat."

"Feeling left out, Cassidy?" Killian smirked, appearing too handsome, his eyes lined black.

"No," Neal was too quick to act defensive. His head was shaken and he shrugged. "I'm all cool."

"I don't mind," Will said boldly, "I actually like chick on chick action."

"Lad, I fear that Neal is influencing you wrongfully these days," Killian reached out and patted Will on his back.

"Who me?" Cassidy stared back, eyes wide, "come on. I didn't do anything that...bad."

It was Killian who led the way into the Mall and the other two followed. We watched them go and lingered outside just a little longer, her arm wrapped around my waist. Our bodies always curled into each other like commas. I could remember a time when there was an empty space inside of me. Yearning to feel the comfort someone else would offer. Wanting to know what it would feel like to stand on the street corner and have someone hold you so closely, your bodies melted.

The sun was out. Buildings blocked the rays that weren't generating that much heat but there was a coolness that settled around New York that Sunday. Buried deep down in October, we were, and it had been quite a peaceful couple of weeks.

"Try to resist the urge of...nibbling me inside the theater," I was warned, her husky voice curling my toes.

"But we'll be in the dark and that's what couples do at the movies. Don't they?"

A smile was directed my way, such a warm one and I had to use my right thumb to caress her soft, red painted lips. I had to. It was like knowing what you desired and trying to get a reaction. Parting them, she gazed at me so intently, for a moment, the world around us just disappeared. The movie didn't matter anymore. Nothing else mattered, not even Neal's signals by the door for us to get inside. There was only she. And if I could tell you exactly how my heart felt in that moment, it would be like sucking on a Lindt chocolate, the kind to melt in your mouth and to give you an out of body experience like no other.

She was my Lindt chocolate.

"Can I kiss you when the scary parts come on?" I pressed our foreheads together and she chuckled. "Like the stabbing? I don't want to see that part if they did it in the remake."

"Yes, you can," I was told in a whisper. "Most certainly."

"Romeo and Juliet," Neal clapped his hands, "we have exactly two minutes to get in there before the opening credits. Get a move on, will you?"

Entwining soft fingers with mine, I pulled her after me and we darted into the Mall.

What a joker Neal was though, telling us about getting in there on time. I couldn't believe it and had to control myself when he barefacedly handed us the tickets and began to flirt with a blonde within the booth. Leaning on the counter, his actions suddenly took on a much more graceful appearance and she was really falling for it, the girl inside there. God only knows what he saw in her though, because she had the most snobbish look that signaled a streak of vanity.

"I own this place, actually," he smiled bashfully and felt the back of his head, curled over the counter, legs crossed. "Bet you didn't know that."

Her eyes lit up. "That's the coolest pickup line I have ever heard."

What.

I stared at her round face and suddenly had a feeling that my mother probably fell for dad over a corny pickup line too. They probably parted and promised that they'd 'always find each other' or something like that. Love sick puppies.

"I'll get the refreshments and snacks," Killian, who was always the gentleman declared. He gestured to the little booth. "How about you three head in whilst I do that?"

"We'll wait," Regina said softly, "what's there to miss in the first five minutes anyway?"

"Might show a deranged Dorian staggering through the streets with a bloodied knife," Killian piqued my interest. After asking for whatever was needed, he nodded.

"I'll get that," she offered, stepping forward and handing the guy behind the counter a note. It was enough to take care of popcorn and drinks and I really didn't want her to do that.

"Regina," Killian frowned, and rested a hand upon hers, "do let me pitch in. It is only fair."

"My treat," she smiled at him. "Don't worry, you'll pay me back with your intriguing views on poetry and books. Let's pass this through for now."

"Your knight in shining armor," Neal suddenly appeared on my right, our shoulders brushing. "Dark, intense eyes that can burn holes into hearts. The claws that can rip or seduce fully...I wonder if she can ride a horse. Guess you're her...noble...steed." He winked at me.

"You can't stop, can you?" I scowled at him but not too fiercely. "You're too playful today."

"I might have had a good night." Squaring his shoulders, he appeared too full of himself. "Drank a few beers, hit on a few chicks, won a few games of pools and I kind of..." the back of his head was scratched, "...parted a bar fight."

"Brought in all the girls after that," Will informed me, "one by one they squeezed him in a corner and licked his ego."

"I bet..." my smile widened. "So you scored, didn't you?"

He stared at me suddenly. "Well it depends on what your definition of score is." Neal shrugged.

"Oh, I see," I shared a look with Will and we both snorted. "Always the talker."

"It's not my fault that I choose to wait on the most special girl to...take things to the next level," he said defensively, "I have to be certain that this...girl, is open minded enough to welcome the thought of making out in my knight rider modeled bed."

"Come on, you've had that bed for how long now? Since you were a teenager?" I frowned at him. Regina laughed at something Killian said. "Isn't it about time to get rid of that thing?"

"That thing," Neal pointed at me, "is a prized possession. A collectible. It could be worth a fortune in a couple of years."

"So you're just going to wait around until you can earn a million on it?" I folded my arms. We stood facing each other.

"Some girl will understand that," he squared me up. "You do? Don't you? You accepted it. I don't see why I must lose hope in there being someone else like you in New York City."

"There must be at least a dozen girls who would squeal over the sight of your collectible," Killian offered, smiling as he handed Neal a popcorn bag, decorated in rainbows.

"At least one of us understands," Neal clicked his fingers in front of me and dramatically strode away, hugging his snacks.

"You know, with each and every passing month," Regina's left arm snaked around my waist, and I was handed a popcorn, "I'm beginning to wonder if you four were once snatched by Peter Pan, entered the gang of lost boys and somehow managed to escape. Because you never grow up."

That made me laugh as we walked towards the door of the theater, DORIAN GRAY in flashing red above the door.

"I'm all grown up," Killian nudged Regina's arm and gracefully extended his arm to gesture for us to enter first. "See? I'm such a gentleman."

There was this heavy red curtain that sucked up the cold air, that we had to sweep through. And by just passing through that heavenly thing, my body was washed over with a coolness that caressed and soothed.

Neal had disappeared inside already, like a spoiled child or something with a scowl on his face. Hair ruffled, he did appear like a prat sometimes and it wasn't that difficult to spot his whereabouts upon entering the darkened theater. A bright yellow shirt with pineapples plastered all over the material. Khaki pants. My friend was a character by himself. Quietly, we made our way to the front and then climbed the steps that were carpeted in green. And what a full room it was.

"It appears as if we managed to snatch the last set of seats," Killian slid in to sit next to Will who sat next to Neal, who was at the very corner of the row.

Even before I could seat myself properly, my eyes were glued to the screen where the very same handsome actor, as seen on the screen outside was studying his hands covered in blood.

Doom. It had begun.

I sank into my chair and Regina's arm still remained entwined with mine. Sometimes I used the most ridiculous descriptions to demonstrate my undying love for her. But in that moment, with her arm linked through my left, I felt as if my hours were numbered, I was a hopeless case and she was my saline bag. She was keeping me alive somehow.

Not that I was even dying or helpless or hopeless.

But I would be without her.

I'd be nothing really but a plain young woman who went to work and then ventured back inside her apartment, to greet a cat. A creature of habitat. Watching television, studying and then hanging out, hoping to meet someone who would change my life. Someone who would make things better.

Isn't that what most of us want at some point?

We claim to desire the best jobs and the most comfortable incomes, the experience arising from traveling, from seeing the world. We wish to gain more by becoming independent and moving away from our parents, to even find ourselves through religion or on a pathway of living a loud social life. But at some point, all of us just need someone. We need a person to love us back a little or a lot more than the other people in our lives. There is always the need inside of us to find that someone and to feel so much more. And in the quest of finding that one person, our minds are corrupted with dreams.

I had that someone, didn't I?

I already realized that without her, my life would feel so empty.

Why did I feel this way?

Because with her in my life, I had experienced so much, such a deepened understanding of love. With her, I had been through so much, discovering that many may say love is an illusion or a curse but it meant so much. It was a necessity in my life. I needed her so much. So to think of a life without her, that was like trying to think of a life without my lungs. Simple enough, I really didn't think that I could ever breathe without her by my side. And as she clung onto me, placing the bag of popcorn between us and chewing on some, I just gazed at her from sideways and the movie rolled on.

When I did manage to pick up back on what was showing, Dorian was gazing at his portrait drawn by Basil with an awe in those eyes. Thereon began the pathway to destruction, one filled with vanity and pure evil.

"I can't stand it," Neal's muttering brushed my mind from the left. "I really can't stand it. Jesus."

At first, I thought it was the movie because he was always such a harsh critic. Nothing could entirely please him and to have his bold views aired this early in the movie, it wasn't surprising.

"Look," his hand was extended as he gestured to the front, "how the hell am I supposed to even see a damn thing?"

"What?" Leaning forward, I frowned.

"The lady's hair is blocking his view," Regina explained in a hushed voice. "Really and truly, it is simply ridiculous."

"Is it Halloween?" Neal was being purposely loud as he stared around. "Isn't it a bit too early?"

The same woman from directly in front of him turned around with a glare. "Shhh!"

Clenching and unclenching his fists, he struggled with himself for a few seconds, mouth twitching. We were stared at, and I really hoped that he wouldn't get us kicked out of there so soon. Then just like that, we watched as he bent down and began to untie the laces on his Timberland boots. Oh God please. Don't use your shoes to beat her wig senselessly. I wasn't ready to part a fight. Besides, it was Sunday! Killian stared when Neal rose up, folded his legs under him and sat back down, arms folded. He was now a few inches taller in the seat and could obviously see perfectly now.

"Alright there, mate?" Killian received a nod.

Regina snorted, our eyes connected and I rolled mine.

Half an hour in and something suddenly brushed my left thigh. I was so absorbed in the movie, marveling over how they used dark tones to bring out the shadows lurking inside the plot, and the obvious fact that it was quite like a horror movie. But Regina had her own intentions, and when my leg was caressed, fingertips pressing down, I suddenly realized the bold move. My intake of breath was sharp.

"Come on," I muttered, wrapping my hand around her wrist that gold bangles wrapped around, "don't."

"Don't what?" Even the handle between our chairs couldn't stop her from moving in closer. Our shoulders were pressed together and in the dark, my left cheek was rubbed affectionately with her nose. "Mmmm. Em-mah."

I trembled from that sound, a purring that would always unhinge me. "Basil...looks...gay."

"I'm so gay for you right now," she whispered, her soft lips brushing my left ear. "Completely...gay. In a very sexual way."

"Regina," I hissed in the dark, resting a hand on her warm, soft back, "the movie."

"Screw the movie, we can stream it on Netflix for our own private viewing." My chin was taken within her slim fingers and she rested our foreheads together.

Thankfully, we were at the topmost row with not a soul behind us except for the room that housed the projector. So of course, all advantage was taken since there were two gay dudes sitting next to her, both of them cuddling each other already.

Who was I to complain?

But I really wanted to see where the movie was headed. I was such a book nerd, wishing to see the actuality of the drama played out. However, all thoughts of the screen drifted away like smoke when my left earlobe was taken between her lips and she sucked.

Chewing on my jawline. Oh it was so good. So distracting too. Then tilting my head for a kiss that awakened this part of me. I had to squeeze my legs together tighter than before, just to at least soothe the aching somewhat. But apparently she was all prepared to torment me in every fashion.

I tasted level two when she relaxed in the seat and those brown eyes were illuminated from the screen. Pools of brown that were shining. Mischievous thoughts. That's what it was. A bunch of wicked thoughts caressing that mind of hers. But the actions had stopped suddenly. Wondering if she had given up, there was me staring at her and then proceeding to sit back as well. It wasn't over.

Through the wooden handle between our chairs, Regina snaked her right hand and moved desperate fingers between my legs. Parting them and feeling everything she could in the dark that was bouncing around and playing with light from the screen.

Eyes flying open, I tried to clamp my mouth shut and stared ahead whilst I was cupped and squeezed gently.

Dorian was sucking away on an opium pipe in the company of Lord Henry, the latter smirking as an Asian stroked his beard. It was like a daze. The voices on screen were muffled, mouths moving to signal the occurrence of speech but yet nothing could be heard by me but the pounding of my own heart. Racing in my chest so fast. The dull aching that began to grow and grow.

I turned to stare at her as brown eyes were dancing from the images ahead. She was smiling, chewing on popcorn with the aid of her left hand and my struggle continued to breathe.

All in all, the movie was a fantastic one, except for the thrilling part where Dorian repeatedly stabbed Basil, the man who had painted the portrait. Over and over again, with blood coating his hands, he hammered a knife into a friend who had, to me, been secretly in love with him. They had shared a kiss in the movie, to seal the deal just enough in my belief that Dorian and Basil were attracted to each other. Or maybe he was attracted to something else in Basil. The thrill this new experience brought on. A new taste that awakened his youth. And somehow, not even Neal voiced his disagreement with the gay streaks in the plot. With his eyes wide, he chewed on popcorn at a pace that obviously signaled his nervousness kicking in.

Killian sat back, fingers laced together upon his lap and smiled.

Will was staring as if he was confronted by Michael Myers and was about to be hacked to death.

By the end of it, her hand had been removed, and then the lights were flickering on. People began to get up from their positions, the creaking of chairs and the sound of laughter and discussions on the movie filled the air. The three stooges were still seated, staring ahead.

"Wow," Neal managed to say firstly, the tip of his fingers coated with colorful syrup. "Just...fuck. That was awesome."

"And you were making fun of it even before we got here," I reminded him whilst I linked fingers with Regina and pulled her up. She stood, taking a hold of around my wrist and moving closer, a sense of complete warmth radiating from those brown eyes.

"Sybil Vane was beautiful," Will commented in a hushed voice, "the girl who committed suicide."

"Dorian is such an ass," Neal rose up and flexed his arms about, whilst Killian gracefully stood, checking his mobile. "How can you have a girl like Sybil and then you just...let her go?"

"Because he was so vain," Will explained, "he wanted stuff she didn't want. He seemed to be so full of himself."

It wasn't the mere fact that he was vain, that contributed to his demise. Dorian was sucked in by becoming obsessive over the thought of being forever young. Never aging. In other words, yeah he marveled over his appearance but it's something that we could at some point wish for. Eternal youth. Never growing old and never having to die of old age.

"Singularly, that's a recipe for trouble," Killian turned to Regina and nodded, "as based on a conversation we had prior. Where one chooses to focus on themselves instead of delighting in the pleasures created by another. I find that had he even taken her in, then something else would have happened to corrupt his mind."

"Selling your fucking soul to the devil is just dangerous as fuck," Neal balled up his popcorn bag.

"Must you use that kind of language, dear?" Regina stared.

"Why not?" Neal shrugged. "Fuck is universal. A verb, noun, adjective, pronoun."

"Pronoun?" I snorted.

"Yep. For example, the silly fuck was a fucking disgrace to fuck-kind."

There was silence.

We walked out, Killian leading the way. Regina pressed a soft kiss onto my blushing neck and our bodies remained stuck together.

It was almost five already. I felt so raw inside from emotions that riled up after that particular stabbing scene. Like, how could someone be so brutal to repeatedly stab another human being? How could you live with yourself? Henceforth, Dorian's path to self-destruction was paved. From that moment too, he became the face of evil. He reveled in it and loved the taste of blood on his hands. In other words, he had grown to never age, but as it always happens, your deeds would catch up on you.

He died in the end.

"Anyone wants a hot dog?" That was Killian, already handing over enough money as he leaned against the counter. "Soda? Pack of nuts?"

"Honey roasted?" Regina went forward and gripped the edges of the wooden case, leaning forward to peer inside. "I suppose I can manage a packet. Emma?" Her focus rested on me. "How about you?"

"Anything," I waved her off, refusing to suggest something in particular because her lamentations on sweets would begin. "Choose whatever."

She blinked. I was offered a smile.

"See the thing about movies like that is that it forces you to think about life, eh?" Neal nudged shoulders with me and Will lingered near too, eyes glued to his mobile. He was really attached to this girl and I wanted to know her identity. "Like me. I constantly think about getting old and then you begin to realize that time flies by so fast. By the time you know it, the gray hairs start coming out and which woman will want you then?"

"Gray is sexy," I told him with a smile. "Look at Gibbs from NCIS."

"Yeah but not all of us men can age as good as that guy. I mean, think about it. We gotta get old sometime or another. I kind of understand why Dorian didn't want to age. Eternal youth."

"So you would give in..." Killian handed his friend a hot dog, and Will too. "To eternal youth... If the chance presented itself."

"Who wouldn't?" Neal looked around, whilst Regina held out a hot dog in my direction. I was offered a suck from the red straw pushed into a box of her orange juice.

"There is a disadvantage to every advantage, mate," Killian said. He bit neatly into his snack and chewed.

"Yeah but looking young for ages and ages? People would find you out but think of the possibilities..."

"Dunno," Will locked his phone and shrugged. "I'd rather age naturally. Being forever young is kinda scary."

"It is the thought of eternal youth that fattens the pockets of cosmetic surgeons and the scientists behind beauty products," Regina actually reached out to capture my hot dog, our fingers meeting, and she guided it into my mouth. "Everyone wants to look young. But in Dorian's case, he trifled with the devil."

"Well back in those days, they didn't have Botox, I guess," Neal licked his lips and stared at me. His eyes became dull. "Seriously, you two?"

I stared back as Regina used a tissue to wipe my mouth. "What?"

"She's...feeding...you," he pointed out.

"She's my woman," I replied. Killian snorted behind a hand. "If she wants to help me eat then I'm not going to complain."

"Makes me wish I had a woman to feed me, that's all," Neal frowned. He held up his hot dog and considered it with a vacant stare. "I need to get laid."

"Get rid of the knight rider bed. Solve your problem, trust me." Will smiled at his buddy.

"Says the guy who keeps a bunch of teddy bears on his bed," Neal lashed back with, extending an arm.

Regina gasped next to me, and I turned to consider her brown eyes growing wide. "Will has a likeness for stuffed animals? That is soo adorable."

It was Neal's turn to stare at her. "What."

"A man that tends to find such love in stuffed animals, cats and all things oh so cute and cuddly," Regina's arm wrapped around me squeezed our bodies together more, "that is quite something. And a woman." Her lips rubbed upon the shell of my right ear. "I love you."

They couldn't hear her whisper. Somehow Neal believed that something erotic was said and the glaring continued.

I took over the wheel when we piled into my yellow bug. The three stooges squeezed themselves into the back and began a heated debate on immigration laws. Sometimes their line of conversation could really annoy me. But I had really gotten used to their intelligent banter. Repeatedly, and in most cases, Killian and Neal were at loggerheads. They always seemed to sit on the opposite side of the fence and would never back down whilst Will acted as the referee.

In this instance, Neal suddenly hated the British and refused to believe that they should be granted a U.S visa easily.

"And your view is derived from the fact that you were turned down," Killian said, his voice remaining calm, "two times. After applying for a UK visa."

"They turned me down without reason," Neal pointed out.

"Well they must have had reasons..."

"So what are you saying? That I'm somehow not eligible whilst the whole bunch of them are piling over here on a daily basis? What makes me not eligible? Tell me that. What the..."

"It is simple. You can't win them all, mate."

"Your logic is shitty."

"You obviously need a haircut," Killian calmly returned.

"I have a UK visa," Regina suddenly said from beside me, sucking on her straw poked into a box of orange juice. "I have many Visas."

"Well good for you then," Neal scowled at me in the rearview mirror. "Next thing you know, you're going to pull a prank like in The Proposal. Where we suddenly find out that you're Canadian and you want to marry Emma to gain citizenship or something."

I could tell that their eyes met in the mirror. She was in such a mushy, cute mode and even his bold scowls couldn't affect her mood.

"There is a difference. I am really in love with Emma."

"I don't know that. Do we know that for certain, guys? Do we?" Neal just wouldn't give up. He was on a roll. I sighed.

"Emma knows that it's true." A slurping sound came from her box of orange juice. Seriously, she had her kid moments and they were rare moments. "Tell him, Emma."

"Tell him what?" I turned into a road that led us to the Hudson River Park and my blinker was on.

"Tell him that I am not a Canadian citizen who wishes to marry you for the main purpose of gaining citizenship." Her voice was husky but it was the way she said that to me that made me think of how cute that little line was.

"You could be into voodoo," Neal wouldn't stop. "Putting a spell on her, for all we know."

"No." She shook her head, dark tendrils of choppy hair dancing in the light afternoon wind. "This is certainly natural."

"He refuses to believe that such an intense love as yours exists because of the very thing lacking in his life," Killian slid himself into the conversation. "The amount of beautiful women who have made moves and yet...yet he still refuses to take a chance."

"Because I don't trust easily," Neal said defensively.

"Neither do I. But the time came and I acted on impulse," Regina said from beside me. "And I was entirely frightened. But I leaped and she caught me. Had I not taken the risk then what would I have known now? Nothing like what she makes me feel. In fact, the very thought of loneliness scares me now."

The silence that ensued was a long one.

Neal sat back and folded his arms whilst Will continued to text away on his phone. Killian's silence meant only one thing; that Regina had said it all too nicely for him. And me...well I turned my car into the parking lot and smiled a little too much.

She had this way with words and expressing her feelings in a way that shocked people because they never really expected her to be so honest and vocal. They never expected her to speak up about how she felt so easily. At times, when something like that happened and those words were strung together. When her heart was poured out to me, for a moment I'd just sit still and quiet and allow the intensity to sink in. I'd just sit there and marvel over the very fact that I was so important to her, nothing held those feelings back anymore.

Like just now.

She didn't hesitate.

She told Neal exactly as it happened to be.

I didn't have to guess anymore. I didn't have to gaze into her eyes or study the change in those beautiful features to decipher a meaning. It was plainly said, without much effort and with so much love.

"You should feel victorious and you have every right to feel that way," Neal said to her when we got out. I think that he really didn't want me to hear but I did anyway.

Regina considered him silently, hugging herself.

"You're lucky and you know why," he continued, the two of them separating from the rest of us. I lingered next to Killian as his eyes were cast towards a small stage where the sounds of a guitar drifted towards us. "Chances are, you'll never realize how lucky you are but the mere fact that she's yours, that's enough to really show off."

"I...don't...show off," Regina said softly.

My back was turned and Killian was asking me about the live band. I said that there wasn't the faintest idea in my mind as to who they were.

"You have every right to."

"I...don't."

"Regina," he sighed from behind me, "think of it this way as I'll always see it." And his voice lowered a little more but I was so focused on the pair behind me, every word could still be heard. "You managed to get to her first. In other words, you're the lucky one. I guess that you know already. And I've let it go, believing I stood a chance. For someone else to come along that matches her or is way better? I don't see that happening."

"It will happen," she handled the situation in such a mature way, my heart tickled. "Patience takes us a long way. I never believed that I'd find someone as well. I only saw myself suffering through a marriage that lacked everything. But I held on. I held on and at my age, I have been given another chance. We all have chances. It just comes with time and patience and being humble enough to pull through."

Obviously he must have been shocked in the way she dealt with his sudden confession. Neal remained silent.

"Don't ever see me in such a way," she said softly, "that I have taken a chance away from you. Because I haven't. Maybe she was an option to you, Neal but she was first priority to me. And because I needed her, I made it happen."

"She wasn't an option to me."

"Then you knew her before me, in fact longer, and what prevented you from stepping up?"

"I probably wasn't as brave as you were."

"And that's my fault?"

He sighed. Killian had gone silent because he probably began to listen to the conversation as well.

"I think that she was always gay," Neal said softly. "I never stood a chance anyway." He laughed a little to ease the tension. "Funny how life turns out. Besides, you're the big boss who has all the courage and knows how to get what she wants. Whereas, I'm just not that bold enough."

"No, you're wrong," she spoke up. I held my breath. "I can muster up the courage to seal deals and to tackle million dollar projects, but she was never a business deal to me. In light of what has happened, believe me, you have no idea how I did struggle to even speak to her. Even up to this moment, as we've been together for over a year now, I grow so nervous in her presence, at times it drives me insane. But that's love. And trust me, you will find that person who makes you feel complete."

"See how he leans back whilst strumming on that guitar?" Killian said softly, fingers laced behind his back. "Look at the way he plays. Look how his eyes are closed, feeling every single note. Music is such a beautiful thing, isn't it?"

The guitarist was a dirty blonde, with shoulder length hair. Wearing a pair of skinny black jeans, and a leather jacket, he played so good but I think that his appearance would have suited an electric guitar more. Just strumming on the instrument made him look like a pro who was toning it down too much. Unless he couldn't play the electric guitar out there. But the way he strummed away was so beautiful to watch. The way his fingers moved, head lowered.

"He's feeling the music."

"Yeah," my chest ached because I was really affected by Regina's words, every single thing she said. "Dad taught me how to play the piano. I played the recorder in High School."

"Didn't we all?" he smiled.

Did she really feel nervous when we talked? Yet it was never shown. Of course her voice would tremble sometimes but there was always this sense of being fully composed most times and I couldn't understand how she could even be nervous with me.

"Hotel California," she suddenly said, appearing to my left and I was startled a bit. Her brown eyes were focused ahead. "Quite a beautiful stretch of guitar played at the end."

"Quite agree," Killian smiled at her. "November Rain as well."

"Chad loves that song."

"I know."

She smiled at him.

"Why don't we draw nearer?" Killian suggested whilst Neal stooped to pluck a yellow flower from the grass. He studied it in silence. "I spy two benches."

It had to be done.

It was like a reflex move on my part when I reached out and took a hold of her right hand. I needed a connection between us. The three of them moved ahead and we lingered behind whilst she turned to consider me. Instantly melting and drowning. I was there then and I knew then that nothing else mattered in my life but her happiness. Just to have those brown eyes capture that particular look of warmth, of awe when we looked at each other. Knowing that she was in awe in my presence and I was probably the luckiest woman in the world.

"You get nervous when you talk to me?" my voice wasn't that steady and no matter how hard I tried, somehow what she had said affected me so much.

Regina held onto my left hand and squeezed it. "So you did manage to eavesdrop enough."

"I couldn't help it." I watched Killian glance back and he continued to move forward. Neal did the same. "I'm sorry about what he said to you. You shouldn't take it on."

"It is perfectly fine."

"He's just..." I sighed, eyes lowered. "He has his moments. And I think that he wanted to tell you that for a long time now. But it's not that he means it in a bad way."

"I know that," she said softly, pulling me close as we faced each other. "And yes, I do get nervous at times. Very nervous."

"Why?" I frowned. Both of my hands were taken. I admired how the wind kissed her hair.

"I just...do. I feel as if my heart is literally so naked, I am reduced to my most vulnerable self when I'm before you. And it is not a bad thing. Please understand that it is not the doubt in me to speak in your presence. But the intensity of the way I feel about you. When you're with me."

"Regina..." I croaked, squeezing her fingers. The way our eyes latched together and neither of us could tear our focus away.

"I'm doing it."

I nodded. "Yeah, you are. You're doing it again."

"I'm making you melt inside." Her brown eyes grew moist.

The guitarist began to strum out 'Wind of Change' by the Scorpions and his band member whistled along. I saw the glee registered on Killian's face and smiled.

"Emma," she said hoarsely, taking my face between the palms of her warm hands. Our eyes met again and Regina was gazing at me so intently, I stopped breathing, "I love you so much. You do know that, already."

"I love you too," I said, tears filling my eyes. My cheeks did hurt. "And I know. But I still live and love to hear you say that to me."

"Do you forgive me for distracting you during the movie?" Our height difference was always such a mushy thing to me because no matter what we wore on our feet, Regina was always shorter. She always was.

"Like you said," I tucked tendrils of dark hair behind her ears, "we can always Netflix and chill next weekend. Same movie."

"Netflix and chill, huh?" she narrowed her eyes at me and I honestly thought to myself, does she even know what that means? Somehow it appeared as if she did. "That sounds much more distracting than what happened this afternoon"

"I guess we could just jump each other before the movie then throw back afterwards and watch it?"

"Sounds like a plan." Her smile made my toes curl. "I love your plans."

My body just couldn't hold out anymore. In fact, I was so determined to kiss her that by just keeping distance, my head was growing dizzy. My knees were so weak and I realized that her earlier words did have substance to them. Nervousness. The state she drove me into, a sense of losing all composure and allowing it to spiral downwards. Then upwards again my heart would race in a rush. Everything about her eyes suddenly captivated me and when our foreheads rested together, my lips found parted ones that were red.

Kissing her so softly blew my mind and there was no effort inside of me to even move away. I did it so slowly, lingering in the moment and tasting honey on her lips, whilst she squeezed my shoulders. Drawing me nearer. Both of us drowning in each other.

Of course lightly, my hands rested on her slight hips, feeling how warm she was, radiating and oh so soft. It was in more ways than one, many slices of heaven right there in the midst of the Hudson River Park.

The sound of Neal and Killian singing along to 'Rolling in the deep' by Adele as the guitarist played it made me smile through our kiss. She pulled back a little and eventually began to do the same, rubbing our noses together. The way those red painted lips tugged sideways, and she showed me some teeth. I could only realize one thing when that rarity occurred; that a streak of humor was caressing that mind of hers. Teeth was only shown when such a thing happened. Needless to say though, in all respect, I couldn't find anything jokey about that moment because my heart was racing. My hand was taken and I was tugged after her.

"Name's Elton," the guitarist introduced himself to Killian who had bravely approached him during a break. They shook hands and we followed, offering only praise. "And yeah," he held up his palms, "in case you're wondering, my mom did name me after Elton John."

"Oh what a classic," Killian commented. He gestured to the guitar. "I suppose that it's only fitting to assume you are not solely gifted in playing one instrument."

"Guitar, drums, trumpet, piano... You name it. As a lad, growing up, my dad used to do these tours in Europe," he had a British accent, "I'd hold the camera and record what little stage time they managed to get as a band. Then one thing happened after the other and the next thing I knew, I was playing in the back on my guitar. Had this thing since I was ten." His brown eyes shone when the instrument was gazed at. "I also play electric."

"I knew it," I hissed, smiling in victory at my earlier thought. "I knew you played it."

"How so?" his eyes were pinched from a smile.

"Your outfit," I gestured. "Leather and all. Seems like you just gave me that impression."

"Very right you are," he winked, a silver stud twinkling in his left earlobe. "And what's your name, might I ask?"

I introduced myself again and he squeezed my right hand a little more than expected but I allowed it. "Love your jacket by the way."

"Italian made," he said proudly, "have a feel if you like."

I did so, my cheeks growing warm. When my fingers clipped the softest feel of leather ever, it astounded me. The buttons were shiny brown, and of course, it had to be brand name because the inside was lined with a fancy kind of cloth, decorated in a particular design. One that I could not make out quite clearly because I didn't want to hold onto his jacket longer than expected. Somehow he was making eye contact with me a little too much and as much as it made my heart twitch, him and his bad boy looks, I laughed the situation off later.

"He was seriously flirting with you," Regina said, hooking our arms together as we sat on one of the green painted wooden benches, thighs touching. The guys were skipping stones across a small lake leading into the Hudson River. "His cheeks were flushed. So flushed."

"It wasn't anything," I said, head lowered and playing with her fingers. I always loved to do that. Play with her hands. Feeling how soft her honey colored skin was and the curl of those fingers upon my palm.

"He tours Europe once and a while. Maybe you could go with him," she teased, rubbing her cheeks affectionately on mine. That was enough to unearth a moan from me. She chuckled within her throat.

"As if," I sighed. "I like how he plays, you know? I like guys, well people in general who are so passionate about one thing in their lives. Like singing or playing or reading. Even throwing chainsaws in the air."

"Well Killian isn't quite the type to throw chainsaws in the air but he's really anchored in the universe of literature."

"He also used to build stuff. Like carvings. He once had this obsession in carving ships. I think they're all over his apartment, if you noticed." She frowned and began to recollect our last visit. "Plus he took art classes for like a year and was doing great until this girl made him quit."

"Women can corrupt the lives of some of the most fascinating men. Have you realized?" she leaned her head onto my left shoulder and curled up into me like a comma. Her brown eyes were focused on the guys skipping rocks still. "All three of them are entirely splendid company, quite intelligent. But something, one way or the other, stands in the way."

"Will is just...he had a bad run in a couple of years ago with his family. He moved from England to here to live with his uncle and got tangled up in the wrong crowd. Neal tells me that he used to pick pockets and stuff. Well generally, he was a thief but he stole because he couldn't make ends meet. And then when his mom died and he went back home, he came back here as someone completely different."

"That's sad," she said in a softer tone.

"Yeah, like his mom told him on her death bed that he wasn't her biological son or something. Well that's what he told me. And to know that you grew up with these people since you were small and then you find out that you're not their biological kid..."

"That's harsh," she sat up and stared at me, her eyes huge. "No wonder he was shaken up badly."

"So badly, when he came back, he went mute for a couple of months. And then Neal befriended him. He made him talk, I guess." I shrugged. "And now he's just attached to us in a way some people can never understand. We stick up for each other," I said, meeting eyes with her. "They're like my brothers."

"Funny that Neal stepped outside that circle," Regina reminded me. The very person in question fought with Killian for a rock and he skipped it across the lake. "He's not as idiotic as I hoped. Nor is he unbearable. He's...okay."

"Okay, huh?" I smiled at her. "Okay as in..."

"Well I thought that I'd have a problem getting along with him from the beginning, since it was obvious then that he felt more for you that you were willing to bargain for. But then after being in his company for prolonged periods, I discovered that he's quite tolerable in all respects."

"He's tolerable, but not tolerable enough to tempt me," I said.

She snorted, fixated her eyes upon the three of them skipping rocks and we remained that way.

The older we get, for some of us, one thing still remains intact; the fact that when we're in some kind of trouble that affects our feelings, or we're sick, there's only one person in the whole world we run to. Our mother.

Even though I had Regina to turn to, sometimes when my throat ached or I'd feel the flu coming on, or like when she and I had our bumpy moments, mom seemed to draw me in. I'd pick up the phone and call her. And I wouldn't even hesitate, because when the call was placed, it was as if she was waiting on the other end to hear from me. Because she knew.

Mom always could tell when I was hungry or troubled, or I was on my period. It was really strange but necessary because I didn't have to explain myself. I didn't doubt the fact that she didn't give birth to me since my blonde hair seemed to only come from one relative of the family apart from my parents. She knew me so well, she could tell from all the way in Maine that Emma was dragging her feet about and feeling like crap.

It wasn't any different for my super cool, gay, hopefully 'to be' in a weird way, step son. And it's so weird! It's freaking weird to think that if Regina and I got married, then Kay and Chad would be my step kids. Like woah. Totally not something to even begin pondering on, right? I saw him more of a brother or a cool buddy and chose to keep it that way for obvious reasons.

So when we got home, changed our clothes and were about to curl up and watch some television, the doorbell rang. I opened the door to find him there and the first thing that followed was a tight hug.

Chad. He was so warm, and such a mush ball like his mother. Most times his arrival would bring lots of jokes and laughs and goodies consisting of candy in a bag, but the humor was lacking that evening. The bag of goodies wasn't.

"Is mom in?" he sounded so unlike himself, handing me the paper bag, a hand wrapped around my waist.

"Yeah," I studied his face and forgot about munching on Milky Ways or Kit Kats. "What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"Noo," he pouted and dragged his feet to the couch, gracefully falling onto it, arms flailing out. "I'm cracking inside."

"Aww."

"I want my mommy," he said in a child-like voice, head lolling sideways, picking up a heart shaped cushion and squeezing it.

She was in the shower and should have been out of it by then, slipping into her nightgown. I calculated correctly because as soon as my footsteps led to the bedroom door, the smell of apples met my nose. Wrinkling it, I gazed at her appearing form in the door frame. Regina was wearing a red, cotton night dress with red ribbons as straps and a pair of caramel colored tights. I gestured to the couch and she immediately stared, considering the arms thrown over the back.

"It's Chad," I whispered, reaching out to feel her dark hair that was kissed by warm water. "He's asking for you. He wants his mommy."

"At this age?" she joked without a smile, our eyes meeting.

"As long as we have a mommy that's alive, we always need them some way or the other," I told her.

"I don't want to even associate myself with mine," she replied. "So I'm one of the few that has disowned that logic. Nevertheless..." inclining her head in agreement.

"You'll always be sure that he'll need you."

"Yes." Regina approached the chair and I lingered behind, unsure of whether to draw nearer or not. "Now, my unicorn," her hoarse voice began, "what has drawn a frown upon your handsome features?"

I should stay out of it.

Choosing to get myself a glass of water, that was done whilst their heads rubbed together and her muffled talk filled the apartment. When he was suddenly opening up to her, I decided to retreat into the bedroom, flopping onto the bed in a lazy fashion, reaching for my Kindle and resting the half empty glass upon the vanity that was littered with oddities belonging to both of us.

Her black rimmed reading glasses, the book she was reading, titled 'The Invisible Man', my cellphone and my Hello Kitty purse that contained my phone cable and earphones.

Somehow, even whilst unlocking the Kindle, I thought of the phrase 'half empty' as opposed to 'half full'. I remembered somewhere there was an article on the two lines, and why people often chose one over the other. One psychologist noted that pessimists saw the glass half empty whilst optimists saw it half full. I couldn't quite recollect the words properly enough but at that moment, I saw it as half empty. Simply as that. Did that make me a pessimist? Oh yeah, I did think badly of the future at times, but not frequently.

It's a strange thing to admit but I'll do it anyway. The truth is, I never quite envisioned what it would be like for me in the future. Like when I would reach the age of thirty, certain thoughts like that wouldn't cross my mind. What would I look like at forty? Where would I be? Would I have a kid by then? I couldn't sit on the bed or in any random position and allow my mind to drift into the future like that, seeing myself projected along that time line. No. Was it strange?

I wanted to Google it but decided that I'd forget about reading and end up scrolling through Facebook.

I began to read 'The Invisible Man' as she was currently reading.

Maybe I dozed off, but there was a tingling in my throat, I reached for the glass of water and took a sip, my vision still blurred. Whilst doing so, it dawned upon me that the window blinds were billowing and too much cold air was slipping in. Therefore, up I got and dragged my feet to close the windows. In the process of doing that, she probably came in directly and stood there in silence behind me. As always, I could feel her presence. I could feel her anywhere, even from across the street or in a room full of people. And I guess that if it did happen, I could feel her energy enough to find her anywhere.

"Hey," she said in that kind of tone that signaled worry.

I twirled around and grew too dizzy. "Hey." Trying to steady myself, the bed was approached and I tumbled onto it. "How did it go?"

"You...left." Her footsteps padded slowly upon the floor as she drew nearer, hands hanging limp. "Just like that."

Frowning, I considered her. "Privacy?" It was just something that was guessed. "Seems like you both needed it."

"He wanted to know where you disappeared off to," the bed was patted and she came on slowly on all fours.

"Oh," still didn't mean that he wanted me there. "Well, I just figured that he needed to talk to you alone. So I left. Besides, he asked for you, not me. Who was I to stick around? You're his mom..."

I was looked at with this funny expression on her face. It appeared that those brown eyes were studying me intently, carefully assessing my face. And it was allowed.

"Emma, sometimes you say things that drive me into a worrying state," her voice was hoarser.

"No, I didn't mean it in a bad way or anything -"

"I know that you didn't."

"It's just that I don't like to intrude. I don't like to eavesdrop"

"Yet you managed to do just that earlier today, based on what transpired between myself and Neal."

I was caught and all I could do was stare back. I shrugged.

"What's wrong?" there was worry in her voice.

"Nothing's wrong," I stared back. "Honestly, I'm okay. What did he want? What's troubling him?"

A few seconds slipped by as our eyes met. I held up my composure and she seemed to allow her worry to slip away. Not that it was even needed in the first place.

"Killian," she said, propping an elbow upon the pillow clad in a green case, legs folded as she turned on her right side. "He's obviously on his mind more than ever these days apparently."

"What happened?"

Regina sighed and shrugged. "He tried many times to call Killian and the calls went straight to his voice mail. Now earlier this evening, I assume it was just after we took him home, Killian tried to call Chad. My son was supposedly knocked out after studying and he didn't answer. He's worried that Killian might have thought otherwise of the missed call and he wants to know -"

"If he should call him back," I continued for her.

"Yes. Rather a bit silly, isn't it?" her face showed that she was puzzled, "for two grown men to become sensitive over a missed call."

"It's...not...silly," I said, frowning, "at all."

"It isn't?"

I adjusted my position and turned sideways. "No, it isn't. That's the pot calling the kettle black if you think it is, in a way. Just a few weeks ago when we fell out and we both needed space -"

"You...needed space," she cut in.

I ignored her, because it was evident at that point that she wanted the same thing. "When you'd try to call me and I missed the call, you were so worried. Weren't you?"

"Yes, but this is not the same thing."

"How is it not the same thing?" I folded my arms and considered her with a calm face.

"Because it's...not," she inclined her head slightly. "In this instance, one tried to call in all desperation and he probably believed that the other deliberately ignored him."

"I deliberately ignored you that day," I confessed.

Her chest heaved as I was stared at. "He...assumed. Killian assumed."

"We don't know that."

"Chad believes that it is so."

"Look, I know Killian and he'd never assume anything. Best guess? He probably was sensible enough to think that Chad missed the call because he was busy or something -"

"Why are you like this?" she frowned at me. "Did I do something?"

"I'm not like anything and no, you didn't do a thing. I'm just...I just woke up, okay?" the obvious was pointed out. "Maybe I'm still groggy and maybe I'm agitated as fuck and I'm not even aware of it. I feel edgy. Not because of you." I gestured at her. "I just feel...odd."

"Then go back to sleep, Miss Cranky Pants," she pulled out a pillow from under her elbow and buried my face under it for a split of a second. "I really don't like your cranky self."

"Hey." My hair was attacked next as she reached out and ran fingers through the blonde mess. Next thing I knew, behind my left ear was tickled and her hoarse chuckled filled the air. "Hey! Cut it out!" I protested, when my hands were snatched. "Regina!"

"Do you think that we should ring Killian and tell him that Chad needs to speak with him?" she had me restrained still, holding my hands around the wrists between us. "Or would that come across as being too intrusive?"

"No more questions. I want my lawyer present," I teased, putting on a serious expression.

"I am your lawyer," she said. "Or have you forgotten?" The look she gave me was so suggestive of kinkiness and mischief, I swallowed hard.

"I'll WhatsApp him," my voice was small. Reaching for the phone, I noted how she licked her lips. "No sudden moves."

"Hurry up, dear," her voice was so husky now, fingers clipping the top of that red nightgown, "I'm ready to go down on you."

"Just like that?" I couldn't breathe, the phone trembling in my grasp. "You're ready to do that, so suddenly?"

"Yes. I want to make your crankiness go away, don't I?" The buttons were becoming undone now, one by one before my eyes. "At all costs," she whispered, smirking at me.

"I love it when you call me 'dear'," my fingers tapped away on the screen clumsily. "Keep powering up. Don't give up on me yet. Just let me send this..." she parted my legs in one swift move and placed herself between them. I couldn't even press SEND.


	28. Regina Suddenly Falls Sick

**Excerpt:**

**_I couldn't remember the last time I had seen her that peaceful._ **

**_"Emma," she mumbled, her toes moving under the super huge red blanket that was so thick. The little yellow bunnies that were sprinkled all over the material really made her appear so much cuter._ **

**_But she was still sleeping._ **

**_So my presence was sensed, or was she dreaming about me?_ **

**_I tiptoed into the room, and from the time my body was like six inches away from her, those brown eyes fluttered open slowly._ **

* * *

I always, wholeheartedly believe that there is a time for everything.

There is a time for the purest of pain to be felt, a time for the purest of love to be met, when you suddenly cross paths with the one you are destined to marry. When you finally bury the hatchet with a foe, a friend who had bruised your life and left a cold sore. There is a time when we stare into the eyes of our best friends and realize that your journey must go on without them. People die. Flowers bend their heads in sorrow and the wind becomes harsher. The sun's rays become fiercer and at some point, it dawns upon you.

Life changes us all every single day.

You might not even be aware of it but as you're reading about my life and the people directly involved in it, your life is also changing. You might accept it, but through my insecurities and my doubts, through my crankiness and bouts of ignorance, your brain registers those moments and they are stored. Why? In your life, even if that time hasn't come already, you will definitely be faced with the same kind of situation that either myself, or Chad, or Killian, Neal, Will, my parents, Lizzie, Dazzle, Flames, even Peter faced.

You'll put your social life above the person who truly loves you. Chances are, you'll be like Killian and suddenly realize that you're gay and you're in love with this person who chases the club life. Or like Neal, a guy who saw more in me than just a best friend but he was never too lucky to win. You'll feel defeated. More than likely, all of us walked in Will's shoes; just a very reasonably nice guy who wanted to find that one special girl. Lizzie, who lashed out on me because of the fact that she was faced with a dead end and she was going to die. Peter, losing his job and starting over.

Stories.

There I was, sitting on my knees buried into her red carpet with a spoon of Menthodex Cough Syrup near parted lips. Lying on the couch, half of her aching body covered under my pink Hello Kitty blanket, Regina was being consumed by a horrible fever. The coughing fit was growing worst and I had all my bets placed on the flu. Some way or the other, even though she always took her vitamins and stuff, always ate healthy, some asshole in Dazzle had spread their stupid germs in the air.

"Open up," my tone was soft. I felt so raw inside, so really worried. "Let the bus drive into the terminal." It was a poor excuse to slip in some humor but necessary.

"Emma," she croaked, her lips twitching into a smile. Warm fingers wrapped around the wrist belonging to my hand holding the spoon steady. "Really."

"Vroom, vroom," I mimicked my mom, back in the days when she used to feed me medicine. "We need to let the kids off. So open up."

Her lips parted in the moment just when I couldn't hold in my laughter as she did the same. The reference was so funny, but it had to be done because her spirits needed to be lifted in some way. After spending most of the night growing so cold and aching all over, I needed her to smile. I just needed her to look at me and know deep down inside that no matter what, I'd always be there. Because it was such a terrible moment, to watch her like that. The flu or any other terrible sickness, it was like a tsunami of feels, covering my heart up.

"Johnny said that you should take the Advil now and then in the next six hours. He also said that you should take these Vitamin C ones." I reached for the brown paper bag upon the chair between us and pawed around inside until the tablets were felt. Fishing them out between two fingers, they were showed to her. "I like the fact that they're orange. Plus he said that you can suck on them like mints. They supposedly taste like oranges."

"And what else did Johnny say?" her cupped fingers caressed my chin. Brown eyes were moistened from tears but her expression was so warming.

"Um," I gestured to the bottle of Menthodex resting on the glass table, "there's that and then I'll make lots of soup."

"Emma, you need to get to work -"

"I'm glad that we stocked up on canned ones," I ignored her deliberately, the aching in my chest never going away. "Especially the packet ones. So I can just toss them into the microwave or use a pot."

"It's almost nine."

"I'm not going anywhere," I said, tears filling my eyes. Busying myself with the paper bag, and trying to avoid eye contact, I licked my lips and stood up, feeling shaky. "Let me get a glass of water so you can take the Advil now."

"You have to...go," she ended up coughing. "I'll be fine."

"I can't just leave you here like this. So stop asking me to." There I stood by the water cooler, a finger pressed onto the tap and my eyes just couldn't latch on anything else except the sofa where she was.

As if by some extraordinary miracle, the cordless rang, a little plastic, red handset resting on its black cradle on the wall just outside our bedroom. Staring at the damn thing, it took me four rings to rest the glass on the red and black tiled counter top and to rush over there. You can just imagine my surprise when it was Chad on the other end.

"How bad is she on a scale from one to like ten? Ten being like close to an unconscious state?"

"One hundred."

"You're so biased, cause you're in love with her. So even a little scratch on her finger will rip your bra in two -"

"Look, I have a right to be worried," I said defensively, noting how she was sitting up now slowly, coughing into a blue, apple printed rag. "She never gets sick, and you know that. So for her to just start coughing and stuff..."

"Could be the work of voodoo," he joked. "Cora probably worked up some black magic."

"Could be."

"I'll be over there in about fifteen. No classes today, so I got time to burn on babysitting."

"I'm staying home," I said.

"As if she'll allow that," he laughed and made my nerves sizzle. "Good luck trying to stay away from work with your boss as your sick girlfriend. Have you ever realized that she could fire you? Your boss, who happens to be your girlfriend, she has the authority to fire you?"

"Shut up and get over here," I muttered, missing his constant humor and cheerful disposition.

Fifteen minutes later, and I mean exactly fifteen minutes later, the doorbell chimed through the apartment. Just then, I was slipping into my clothes, dressing for work because a certain someone wasn't about to give in to me staying home. Fussing and growling, sneezing fits and scowling at me, demanding that it was her sick day to take and not mine. To save a quarrel, I decided to at least give Chad a chance to watch over her whilst I headed off to work.

Not that it didn't place a burden on my heart. Knowing that distance would be between us in a time like this when obviously I was needed the most. And yet, she simply could not bypass my job attendance and have me stay by her side. As if any girlfriend would ever feel entirely comfortable leaving at a time like that. Wanting to cuddle the one person you loved so much. Because even as I'd rush off o work, more than likely my mind would continuously be focused on anything else but work.

He came in like a ball of sunshine, smiling from ear to ear and hugging these two bags of I don't know what the heck was inside. At first, I believed that my sweet tooth would be spoiled. But depositing them onto the glass table, Chad pawed around inside and fished out something that completely had me like 'woah, what the hell is that?' instantly.

It was a freaking stuffed white rabbit with pink ears that hung down low, dressed in this little red jumper and tiny red shoes. About a foot long, it was, and he bounced with excitement as the chair where she rested on was approached. I stood by the door, ready to head out, keys in one hand, red leather jacket draped over the other arm and observed the scene before me. What happened was astonishing and it unfolded in slow motion.

Clutching the rabbit between his hands, he dangled it above her. "Look who's here, to cuddle with you."

Yeah right. Wait for it to be scowled at. One, two, three...

"Mister Cuddles!" she croaked, brown eyes widening, face upturned. "How thoughtful!"

Mister...WHAT?

I didn't know how the heck that cute and cuddly thing managed to win her affections at some point, but it did. The poor thing was snatched and pressed to her flushed face whilst Chad's eyes met mine. What scandal was that? To think that my stuffed animals were kicked off the bed constantly and growled at whilst this...rabbit was deeply loved. Where did IT come from? What was its purpose?

"Long story cut short," Chad said smiling and moving to the kitchen, "I gave her Mister Cuddles when she was pregnant with Kay in the hospital. Slept with the thing all the time. Then..." he helped himself to a can of Coke in the fridge, "...after the hurricane that swirled around the divorce, and other losses, plus when she was suicidal -"

I stared at Regina hugging the rabbit and didn't blink.

"...the stuffed thing kind of, I dunno," he shrugged, walking towards me, "it gave her cuddles, I guess. Spoke to her. As she said, and I quote," he cleared his throat, "I would gaze upon the toy and think of how rabbits keep digging and digging underground, never giving up -"

"I never said that!" she protested, her voice so hoarse that it was cracking.

"I would stare into the eyes of thine rabbit and wish that thy courage would return, thy zest, thy motivation," Chad chanted, dramatically puffing out his chest, face upturned. "To reproduce in such numbers, that would continue their line for generations to come."

"I should probably get up, get dressed and drag myself to work," she muttered, a hand resting on her forehead, eyes fluttering close. "This day will be anything but peaceful with him around."

"Oh I know!" Chad would never cease to amaze me as he suddenly had a 'lightbulb' moment, eyes widening. "Let me fetch your makeup case and I'll experiment with your cosmetics."

"Emma," she stared at me, her chest heaving, "please."

"At least you'll be occupied and...he's a great sitter," I gestured at Chad as he disappeared into our bedroom.

"HE'S GOING TO TOUCH MY MAKEUP," she stated like a spoiled child in such a loud tone. "I DO NOT LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE TOUCH MY MAKEUP."

"Hey, Chad," I called out, opening the door, "I'm heading out now."

"Emma!" she whined.

"The worst that could happen is having these little holes dug inside your pools of eye shadows, and a few lipsticks breaking in half," I shrugged and smiled. "I'll call you whole day so be prepared."

"Text me too," her cupped fingers were lifted and wiggled in my direction. She smiled back sweetly. "Bye, Chrissy."

I wasn't that blonde and I wasn't that dumb. We ran Three's Company marathons sometimes but the Chrissy thing was totally not cool. It wasn't even funny because during our Sunday nights spent watching episodes back to back, she'd laugh her ass off at the woman's 'blonde' moments. Now there I was, wondering what was meant exactly by the sudden reference.

"Bye, Janet," I muttered, closing the door behind me. I could practically hear her hoarse chuckle as my footsteps led away.

The nerve of her. Couldn't I at least be called Clarke from The 100 or 'the Root to her Shaw'? I should have just called her Mrs. Roper, and scowling, my car was unlocked.

Strange things happen in the strangest moments, don't they? I mean, we could be going about our lives one step at a time, completely lost in our own thoughts when suddenly, we find a dead rat under the right front wheel of our cars. Come on. There it was, its little life freshly taken from the looks of it and I knew to myself that its death hadn't been brought on by me. The car hadn't been used since two days ago. So how the heck did a freaking dead rat end up near the wheel of my car?

My eyes roamed the sidewalk for another pair that would be focused in that direction, observing my every move. Thinking that it was a good joke to tickle my nerves. But everyone was just on their way, moving one direction or the other and never even skinning an eye my way. Chad would never taunt me like that, would he? So this had to be the work of forces we must never reason with, the invisible that walk among us and find it oh so funny to do things like this. I was mad, losing my shit as the door was unlocked.

Backing up slowly, I swerved into traffic and was on my way, gripping the wheel tightly.

"Oh the poor thing," Barbara's clenched fists were pressed together and resting snugly between her boobs. Offering me a sympathetic look, she shook her head. "She never misses a day, so it must be quite bothersome. The sneezing and such."

"Plus she has a fever and a migraine, sore throat and she still forced me to come to work."

"Well that's what happens when your boss is also your lover," she winked at me.

I guess you will remember by now that since we were outed at the staff party by sharing that dance, everyone knew of the blonde from Customer Service and Marketing dating the Vice President in the expensive suits who wore Jimmy Choos and had a Louis Vuitton handbag.

What can I say?

I was a simple girl who snatched things on sale from department stores, even though my girlfriend was a brand name fangirl. She literally went on these little bouts of shopping in stores that made my eyes pop out. Most times, I'd decline her invitations on these trips into boutiques sprinkled around New York because it made me feel uncomfortable. Like we'd be standing in front of a rack of coats with furry coated interiors, some were even mink and she'd bat through them without staring at the prices.

"I should use the opportunity to get rid of that blasted apple scented air freshener," Barbara scowled, staring at the closed green door. "It irritates me. She's so obsessed with the fruit, I swear, it is unbelievable."

"Her shampoo is watermelon scented," I offered in a different light, shrugging too. "So that's a change."

"Is there an apple store somewhere in New York that I don't know about?" the old lady who was an older version of my mother peered up at me from behind her desk. "I'd like to burn it down."

That made me laugh.

"So is she home alone then?" she typed away slowly on her keyboard, head lifted a little to peer through those bifocal glasses.

"Nah, her son's there with her."

"Oh he's such a darling, and a handsome young man too. Once a Marine, always a Marine, my husband used to say. He is so disciplined. She did well with that child. Bless his soul."

"Have you ever met the daughter?" I was really wondering about Kay these days, because she seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth.

"Not that I can recall. I've heard of her existence but never had the good fortune of meeting a smaller version to the bigger one. Oh, before I forget, there's a staff meeting scheduled for four today, so be prepared."

"Seriously? Setting a meeting an hour before five? Most staff meetings last over two hours in here," I pointed out. "Who's heading this one since she's not in?"

Her fingers tapped on the keys. Barbara was most likely bringing up her notes to double check. Telephones rang around us.

"Lemon pits," she pursed her lips and our eyes met. "Duck lips."

I had to press a palm onto my mouth to muffle the outburst of giggles because her descriptions were so spot on in relation to the Human Resource Manager, Debra. She was this beefy woman from the same floor we were on, with oily black hair and rolling pins as arms. And for some odd reason, the lady was always munching on sour cream Pringles with this huge bottle of lemonade on her desk. Under the sleeves of her shirts were always wet from sweating in a perfectly air conditioned building. Her photo on Facebook was the origin of the name 'duck lips' because...and you know why.

"Let's see who sits next to her in the meeting," I snorted as Barbara shook her head immediately. "I'm making sure that I show up in the conference room like ten minutes earlier than four."

"Hope it's not Larry."

Our laughing fits were drawing attention from those snobbish girls who belonged to Accounts. They stared at us as if we were lepers or something and moved on, whispering behind their hands.

I wasn't a favorite, never was and never would be among most of the staff because for the obvious reason that I was dating one of the big ones, a member of the Board of Directors, the V.P, former CEO of Dazzle and most definitely the hottest woman in the entire building, and on the face of the earth. She had style though, handling their glares and whispers and bitchiness. Regina walked with the poise of a Queen. And I mean definitely.

Not with her chin up or anything but a sense of composure and silence in her presence that destroyed their snobbishness. None of them would even risk being disrespectful to her, never. They were scared of her, trembling in their cubicles whilst she moved by like a leopard, brown eyes so intense, they could burn holes through their hate.

Ne-Yo probably met her and then sang 'Miss Independent' afterwards.

That's how classy she was.

And Blondie was too scared to use her name as their song title, so they titled it as 'Maria' instead, frightened of being sued millions of dollars. They got away with slipping her name in there anyway though. They were lucky.

**_She moves like she don't care  
Smooth as silk, cool as air  
Ooh it makes you wanna cry  
She doesn't know your name  
And your heart beats like a subway train  
Ooh it makes you wanna die_ **

**Ooh, don't you wanna take her?**   
**Ooh, wanna make her all your own?**

**Maria, you've gotta see her**   
**Go insane and out of your mind**   
**Regina, Ave Maria**   
**A million and one candle lights**

I lived for that woman's existence.

Spending time between working on a couple of customers by googling 'Chuck Norris Memes', the morning went by smoothly. Lunchtime came and the worry, although eased away by Chad's presence back in the apartment, it was still present. So whilst I sat next to Barbara in the cafeteria, after forking up a massive bowl of potato salad, spaghetti and sauce, the texting began.

You can just imagine my face when, after I simply asked her how things were going and if she missed her 'bae', Regina replied with a photo on WhatsApp that made me want to flip a table.

It was an image of that stuffed white rascal, captioned, ' ** _bae has been replaced. I have a new bae. She's so soft._** '

' ** _I'm soft_** ,' I replied with a sad face whilst Barbara spoke about Young and the Restless and no vocal contribution was made on my part because I didn't even watch the show. ' ** _Don't you love me_**?'

**_I SUPPOSE._ **

**_What do you mean, you SUPPOSE?_ **

Another picture of the rabbit was sent, and this time, the stuffed animal was strategically placed between the softest legs ever created by the big man upstairs in the clouds, legs that were hidden from me by a pair of long black tights.

**_I HATE HIM._ **

**_Don't be jealous. It's a she. I drank the bottle of Menthodex already. Need new one. Please buy._ **

I stared at the phone and grew numb because she had to be kidding me. Possibly it could mean something completely opposite, that the bottle's contents hadn't been depleted that much and she just needed me to stock up for later. Not that she had sucked up the entire thing already! Five hours hadn't even passed by as yet!

Excusing myself from the table, I dialed her number and headed for the outside, just through the side door that led into a back yard containing a small garden and iron chairs under a shade. My workplace, in case I never completely described it before, was a massive building containing possibly forty floors with Flames residing in twenty of the total from the bottom to the middle. My department was on the sixth and varied because we oftentimes had to move and it never was a problem since the layout remained the same on every floor for every department. One span of time, I had to climb to the fourth and then the eight but right then, it was the sixth. And the outside of the building was covered in tinted green glass.

Funny but there was an insurance company that resided above us.

"Has the building been destroyed as yet in my absence?" was her greeting, the huskiness of that voice sounding so cute in my right ear. "Barbara needs to call Jessie. And George."

I was pretty sure that poor Barbara's phone had been ringing all morning and whoever Jessie or George were, they had been called already. But it was normal of her to be making a fuss 24/7. It would never stop, the way that brain of hers worked every split second. Remembering this and that, who to call, when to enter a meeting, and who to harass. She just couldn't lie down and sleep. It was like the ultimate crime, to close those tired brown eyes and rest.

"Regina," I took a deep breath, pinching the middle of my forehead, eyes closed, "please don't tell me that you swallowed the entire bottle of cough medicine."

"Yes."

"Yes...what?" I felt like a parent, about to rant off on a kid.

"I did it."

"You did what?" It was unbelievable. I found myself staring at nothing in particular.

"I need another bottle."

"Regina, you're overdosing on the damn thing!" I started off, wondering what the heck Chad was doing. "You're supposed to take it four times a day!"

"I did already," she sniffed and it was evident that she had nasal congestion. "I took it every hour since you left."

"That's not what it means!" I hissed into the phone. "Where's Chad?"

"I think he honestly fell asleep on the carpet," she croaked, "he looks too peaceful from behind to be studying still."

"Listen to me," I tried to breathe and relax myself, "if you think that you can suck up a bottle of cough medicine just like that, and you'll get another one, then you're wrong."

"You have to get me another one."

"Oh, I do?" I expressed disbelief in my tone. Somehow traffic was so noisy in the streets around me.

"Yes. Because I'm your other half. The other half of your heart. The ying to your yang. Your Juliet, as you are my Romeo. So you have to take care of me. Buy me another one because I said so and you know deep down inside that you love me so much, you really don't want to see me so sick."

I was melting. I couldn't believe it. She was using her charms on me and it was so effective. The very first thing that came to mind after that little statement was her, curled up on the sofa like a comma and this saddened look on that beautiful face, coupled with a small pout.

"Will you buy it then?" Her voice was doing things to me.

"I don't know as yet."

"Emma."

"Yeah."

"I think that I'm going to die."

"Stop it," I actually smiled from her ridiculous worry. "You're not going to die. You're going to be fine."

"Emma, I don't think it's the flu."

"Then what could it be?"

"I think it's something else. I've had the flu several times before and this feels entirely different. The one time I felt this way, it was after the miscarriage. When my immune system suddenly went downhill."

"And what happened then? How did you feel back then?" I was growing worried, too much.

"It was pneumonia," she said. "I felt the same way. Weaker and my chest felt as if an elephant was sitting on it. The same as now. And I threw up the soup you made. Plus, even buried under two blankets, I'm so cold. My hands are trembling."

"My poor baby," I said softly, deciding that the meeting would be missed that afternoon and I'd go straight home. "Don't worry. I'll be there in no time. Do you think that you can close your eyes and try to sleep?"

"I can't," her voice shook, and it was evident that as much as I was worried about her and my eyes were moist from tears, she could literally sense the surge of emotions through the line. "I can't sleep without you next to me. It's...silly...really," she sniffed, "but I just wish that you could hug me right now."

"Regina," I started to lose my composure, chest heaving, "I'm going to get my stuff and head home now."

"Noo," she croaked, as usual, being stubborn about work and work ethics. "You have to stay and attend the meeting. It's important."

"Not as important as you though," I reminded her. "And you know that."

"No, stay. I'm drowsy anyway. I think that I'll sleep. The aching has subdued and the coughing. So maybe if I close my eyes, sleep will come. Don't bother coming home now. I can manage."

"Are you sure?" my chest was aching so much, from being conflicted, two thirds of my mind already deciding to head home.

"Yes, I'm sure. Sleep time. Bye, bye."

"Stop being so cute," I smiled, feeling so mushy from the way she sounded. "I love you, babe."

"Love you too." Her yawn made me hang onto the call for as long as it lasted. I stayed there and listened to her breathing and then when the line disconnected, my heart felt so soft.

X

Apparently every single person to attend the meeting didn't want to sit next to Debra so the crowd inside the conference room was massive at a quarter to four. There I was, clutching my yellow notepad with faint red apple watermarks in the center of every page, compliments of Regina's stationery. A black, gel ink pen and purposely wearing my black tailored jacket. Because let's get one thing straight in relation to Flames: everyone somehow had thicker skin than me since the A.C was always turned up to the highest.

Debra was sweating.

How in the world could a woman sweat like a pig inside that freaking freezer? Even with close to fifty employees inside the damn conference room, the armpits of her red shirt were already. She was standing just by the wall of glass overlooking New York, speaking with a lot of hand gestures at a Director, some guy by the name of Chris who smiled too much and work seriously expensive suits. Apart from them the rest of people were giggling and chatting up each other. Larry was taking his seat alongside the supervisors from the other departments and the two guys remaining from my department, they were gesturing for me to get my butt over there, since a vacant seat was still staring at me.

"I give it an hour tops," Javier said, raking fingers through his gelled black hair. He was from Canada and could also speak fluent French. "Probably going to tell us about the loss of staff, cutting back on expenses, we need to work hard, blah, blah, blah." He snatched my pen and smiled. "Hey sexy."

Justin laughed, a twenty six year old who was dirty blonde and concealing a bunch of tattoos under his clothes.

Debra cleared her throat and those green eyes roamed the crowd. The Director chatted on and on, gesticulating a lot and then two other suits joined them.

I missed Regina so much in there, seriously.

Her presence would be amazing in those meetings, every single one. Coming in with her powerful suits and flawless honey colored skin, holding a green folder as always between those well manicured fingers. The way everyone would suddenly shut up and gaze at her, obviously wondering how the heck she was so beautiful. Because she was, no doubt about it. I wasn't being biased just because we were in love with each other and my heart literally screamed every time we met inside that place. It was the truth, knowing that she could captivate their attention as it ever so often occurred, and then they'd all realize how much attention was paid to her and their ignorant whispers would begin.

Even when Mally sauntered in, her blonde hair curled neatly like a diva from one of those black and white movies, and she took her seat along the front table where the other big ones were seated, my heart ached to see Regina there. Her chair remained vacant. This whole inside of me was caving in and my throat ached so much, I had to stare down at the cover of the notepad. Hoping that she was sleeping, wondering if she was and worrying every single second about her. That's how it was.

"Welcome to one and all," Mally beamed at us, wearing a shocking green, satin blouse and tight tailored black pants. Her green fingernails were rested on the oak desk, and her posture was relaxed. "As you're all wondering, why are we here? For today's points to be discussed, we'll be speaking about the recent changes in the company, the obvious fact that we have to cut expenses and a desperate plea for hygiene to be taken seriously in the workplace."

Someone snorted from behind me and I distinctly heard Debra's name.

"Smelly Debbie," Javier whispered into my ear, "that's her new name."

The woman in question was staring hard at someone in the back and I heard chairs squeak as people craned their necks to point out who it was. Bastards. As much as I didn't like the Human Resources Manager because she behaved like a retarded fool, it wasn't up to me to ridicule the woman's hygiene. She probably had a body heat problem or something and Regina and I shared the same view. Never to judge someone easily before knowing about the whole picture. Besides, whether she was lacking in her grooming habits or whatever, that wasn't my problem.

I had bigger fishes to fry and I sure as hell was about to be handed a plateful.

How it happened, I can't remember exactly but my pen was moving across the notepad, scribbling notes about the areas and states in the USA that we needed to tackle and build up our customer base. Javier was seated on my left, that much I remember because he kept jamming me with his right hand whilst writing too. Justin on my right. So I was sandwiched by the two dudes from my department when this bitch behind me whispered something that seriously sizzled my anger to boiling point.

"Guess Majestic Mills couldn't even get out of her office to come because she's so damn important."

I sat there. I blinked to the front and stabbed my memory repeatedly to replay the line over and over again, just to sharpen the words a little more. Maybe she hadn't used the word 'Mills' but another name and my brain jumped to that particular conclusion because Regina was on my mind. That's what I thought at first. Mally's voice became so distant as all my attention was focused behind me.

"Probably locked up in there cooking the books. I bet she's the one stealing funds. After all, she's coming from a competitor, Dazzle. And now we're all in shit, people getting laid off because someone, most likely her, is being sneaky thief."

"Yeah."

"Don't talk too loud, her woman is sitting right there."

There were hushed whispers and I could feel Javier staring at me. He wasn't staring because of sharing the same views as whoever the speaker was. But it was an accepted fact that the people I worked with in the Customer Service department, they were never disrespectful to Regina, or my relationship with her, or me. Never me. And to sit there and have these other women from other departments go on about someone I really loved, not only was she my boss but my girlfriend, I was so conflicted. I was getting so angry and I didn't know what to say, so my mouth was kept shut.

All my life I had been raised to be respectful and humble by my parents. Mom taught me how to control myself in terrible situations, like when Lizzie had chased me out of the hospital and I wanted to rush back in there and yell at her. Taking me by the shoulders, she basically told me that I should never stoop to someone's level, no matter how far down the line they are. Respect was first and foremost and I can honestly tell you that as much as Regina would fire back at them, her advice to me would be 'just stay calm, Emma and don't take them on'.

I tried, I really did.

I kept thinking about her and knowing that she'd urge me to block their negativity out but it reached a point where their rudeness cracked me. Obviously her sass had rubbed off on my humble soul. She was, in more ways than one, my superhero, and there were things that I unconsciously learned from her. Like if someone is out to ridicule you, to a point where their accusations are absolutely unjust, then it gives you every right to step in.

"Excuse me," I said, turning my head a little and never making eye contact with whoever it was sitting just behind, "can you please stop with the disrespect and just shut the hell up?"

Their whispers died down. Someone's page rustled and Mally was still talking up front.

"I'm trying to listen to what the CEO is saying and you're annoying."

"Then find another seat," the person said, her voice sounding so familiar, I had to turn myself completely around in the chair to see who the heck it was.

Anna.

Well how totally not surprising that moment was for me.

Remember there was a time some time before when Barbara and I were in the elevator and there were these two girls I told you about from the Accounts Department? Maybe I didn't mention them because they were seriously unimportant but the speaker was one of them and her roll of toilet paper who wiped her ass sat in the other seat: Sasha. The two of them were like annoying flies that kept buzzing in your ears, glamouring up too much, accessorizing too much and honestly believing that they were drop dead gorgeous. When the truth was, Anna had a pair of bug eyes that took up more than enough of her ugly face and Sasha had a bad acne problem.

"What's your problem?" she gave me attitude, staring and awaiting a cat fight. "Lesbo missing her girlfriend?"

"That's enough," Barbara's voice suddenly slipped in from the same row. "Stop it this second and pay attention."

"Lesbo," Anna mouthed, smirking. "Bet you think you're better than all of us, since you're kissing the V.P's ass." A couple of the staff around her actually seemed to approve of that statement, nodding or shifting their eyes with a smirk.

My gaze rested on Barbara with her gray hair. I was given a look to suggest that they weren't worth it, and when Javier squeezed my left arm, the front of the room got my attention again. Of all the times to harass me about my relationship with Regina, the Anna had to bring it up in a staff meeting. She had to humiliate me in front of the majority of the employees and what bruised me the most was the definite look of approval on their faces.

Mally had stopped speaking and one of the suits had taken the forefront, his clipped tone grating at my nerves.

"As per the plans set down by discussions between the Directors," his cold gray eyes rested on the one seated on the right, "and the partners involved, the main aim of this year is to snatch back our customer base and to build from there."

"Then why the hell did you fire close to fifteen customer reps within the past month when we will need them to call up people?" was someone's bold question from behind me. Everyone swiveled their heads, a sea of eyes resting on Butch Dickson from upstairs, another dirty blonde who honestly believed that he was the most amazing supervisor in the entire building.

The suit stared at him, obviously startled by the sudden interruption.

Mally smiled around. She was glamorous and everyone loved that. "That's a good question. A very good one," her tone was steady, "after a lot of calculations, projected forecasts, and basic studies, we are positively sure that our current workforce can handle the job quite nicely."

"You mean that you want to pressure us," Butch said, staring around to gain approval. A few nods were achieved. "You want to give us a heavy workload and pressure us."

"With all the people they've fired," Javier leaned in and whispered to me, "can't we at least get a raise in salary? Like by even two percent?"

My head was shaken because I had thought of it before, giving us a little more since thousands of dollars had been cut out. But after doing some careful consideration, without involving Regina in the discussions going on in my head, I realized one thing. We would be the last people to get a slight increase in our salaries. The obvious increase if any were to be given would be directed at the big ones.

There's something that I haven't told you before, well at least I think that it wasn't mentioned before. It's about her condo in New York. Believe me, I don't intend to come across as disapproving on anything in regards to her but the truth still remains. And the truth is, when we started dating, even then I knew that a chunk of money from Dazzle was being used to pay for her expenses such as the rent for the condo, internet access, her driver, first class flight fares and other stuff. Now the same happened with Flames.

She didn't own the condo. It troubled me that she would give Killian the impression that it was hers when the beautiful piece of space was on a lease. The huge mansion in Los Angeles, which I hadn't seen as yet, more than half was supposed to be hers. The ranch Henry left her, well she had that still, making renovations and keeping for the possibility of renting. And that meant, with the obvious truth hanging in the air that she didn't take care of those expenses, her bank account was beyond huge. We never discussed salary but I was so sure that it reached six digits or even seven.

I didn't care about her money though.

What I cared about was the simpler things to some people that meant the world to me. Like her presence, the way she smiled, being there for me, loving me completely and trying her best to make our relationship as comfortable as possible. She was by far the most amazing person in my life, apart from mom and dad and I would never focus on the money in her bank account in comparison to the way she made me feel. Love. A simple word that had been so stupid to me before I met her and now it meant so much. It had so much substance.

Suddenly the meeting was in an uproar as one of the suits started to raise his voice at a Debra, seated two chairs along the table from him. Eyes wild, he sputtered and lifted a green folder, brandishing it at the woman who was still sweating in the conference room, as cold as a freezer.

"The facts are here! All here!" he waved the folder in her direction. "After continuous considerations, that plan was made -"

"Without the consultation of any other manager or supervisor working here!" she belted back, growing flustered. "Had you come to us and taken our reports into consideration, then you would have seen that we're understaffed, simply because you took it into your own hands to fire the majority of staff."

"We had to cut back on expenses." The suit remained standing.

"So you carelessly fire over fifty people from this head office. What kind of management is that?"

"Are you questioning the decision making panel, the directors? Are you questioning our credibility?" his eyes were beady now.

I actually found the drama really entertaining, so sliding down a little in my soft leather chair, a deep breath was taken. Thank God Regina wasn't here, because her sass always reared its head in these situations and it was more than likely that she would have stepped in. That was Regina. The one who fired back and wasn't afraid to burn people in their seats.

"We sat down," the suit gestured along the panel including Mally, two other suits, and Regina's empty chair, "and we poured over decision after decision. Options," he said, staring at her now, "everything was carefully assessed and debated on."

"I want to know where the money is going to," Debra folded her arms and turned that chubby face towards the glass wall overlooking New York, the sunlight now fading.

"That's confidential. We don't have to divulge that kind of information to lower management."

"Lower management?" she stared back at him. "I am the Human Resource Manager! I'm not a supervisor or a customer rep! My opinions, my views are supposed to be heard."

Larry stared at her, in fact, all the supervisors did. And one of them, Patricia, a gorgeous Hispanic with light brown hair, she displayed a look of complete disbelief, lips parted.

"You're out of line," the suit said, and his attention rested on Mally who, as always, would appear calmer and more humble than anyone in the room.

"Debra, your opinion is most appreciated," she said, smiling at the lot of us as if it was a party. "Please be reminded though, that I own this company and any final decision is passed by me. I also consult my board, my V.P, and my very handsome husband who isn't here at the moment."

A couple of people laughed around the room but all seriousness was shown on more than enough faces, including Butch who seemed to agree with the H.R manager.

"I would definitely question the credibility of your V.P when she once worked for our top competitor and now she's on the decision panel," Debra said boldly, and my heart started to beat really fast. "How can you even trust someone like that? She doesn't even socialize with any of us, is a definite snob and she thinks that she's so high and mighty -"

"That's more than enough," Mally tried to smile but her expression was stiff. Any eye contact was avoided with the woman who spoke against my baby. "I beg you to sit down and leave that kind of talk for the grapevine -"

"Why don't you fire her and use that fat salary to fuel the company's revenue -"

"I will not tolerate that kind of disrespect being displayed in front of me," Mally's tone was suddenly so bitter and cold, the room grew silent as a grave. "In regards to any of my staff, whether it be a supervisor, a manager, a Director or my V.P, especially my Vice President of this company. I will not allow you or anyone to speak against them in such a public forum. Yes I can vouch for her credibility and so can the board." The suits nodded and my heart was tickled from their consideration.

"She is by far the best part of management that we have ever had, and I can most definitely tell you and anyone else interested that she is not a snob. Her choice to never socialize with other employees is respected by me because I understand. Never label someone as snobbish, simply because they choose to focus on their work instead of participating in gossip. Take your seat."

All of us stared at Debra who remained standing now, her chest heaving.

Mally sighed, and somehow, her gaze rested on me. For a moment, I felt as if she was trying to convey a message, and our eyes latched on to each other. Nothing though, could be understood from the way she was looking at me because my mind, and my heart was racing.

"Sit down, Debra, or I'll be damned," she said, and a part of my memory was pinched.

I sat there and it took me a few seconds to realize that those words, that direct order, in that particular sequence, someone had used that line before. And that person, after being ridiculed by a bunch of people in the room, she had been highly praised by the woman who would always consider her as a best friend. Regina. There was me, trying to contain my outburst as Debra sat down slowly.

The meeting went on smoothly afterwards as no one spoke up again. I sat there missing the drama, hoping to have more, like a chair being pelted at the wall or something. But nothing of that sort happened. I started to yawn and wondered what Regina was doing. Probably cuddled up in a ball, waiting on me to show up. So you can just imagine the relief shown on my face when the discussions ended and Mally said that we could go.

I tried so hard to clamp my mouth shut when Debra slid past me in the hallway, her fists balled, heading to the elevator. Who the hell did she think she was to speak out against Regina like that? In front of everyone! When it was a known fact that many of them didn't like her, it suddenly dawned upon me that her disrespect had been planned. She sat there, gathering steam and knowing to herself that there were so many people in the room who shared the same views as she did. They didn't like me either.

You should have seen the looks I got from the majority of them as they passed me by. But like I said, the guys working in my department and a couple others, they were really nice to me. Even Patricia squeezed my right arm and told me to ignore them because she thought Regina was an excellent boss. Larry was ready to confront Debra and had to be convinced by Javier and myself that it wasn't worth the effort. I mean, we had the suits and Mally to deal with her, didn't we? She really and truly believed that her ignorant opinion mattered more than anyone else's. And that wasn't true at all.

X

You can't begin to understand my anticipation, the way I felt from the moment Mario turned the key and the engine purred to life. When he swung into traffic, I hugged myself in the front seat because her face, wanting to see those brown eyes, it was the most amazing thing to look forward to. Going home and being with her, knowing that I had someone at home, waiting on me to get there, someone who I loved so much. It was the best feeling of all.

"You like sitting up front with me, don't you Miss Emma?" Usually Mario and I had our little quirky conversations. He offered a smile in my direction. "I like it too. It makes me feel less like a chauffeur and more as a friend. Whole day I am just a chauffeur, but when I pick you up, I am not only that. But a friend."

"I like that," our eyes met and I smiled at him. "I like that you feel that way."

"I do," he focused on the traffic and reached for the radio knob. "How was your day?"

Kelly Clarkson's 'Already Gone' drifted from the speakers embedded in the doors of the car and my chest suddenly stung. It was because that song had an effect on me. Before I met her, before we kissed, I used to wonder if someone would come into my life and make me become so attached to them, that if we were ever to break up, it would literally drive me crazy. Now that she was in my life, and the other day when we fell out, the song came on on the radio. I sat in the car, with tears clouding my eyes, fearing the worst; that she'd leave me.

"Cat woman is sick," I told him. Ever since he went to collect us this one Saturday from a boutique and she had on a pair of black leather pants with a gorgeous red silk shirt, Mario always called her that when we were alone.

"Oh no," he showed genuine concern. "What is she sick with?"

"It looks like the flu?" I shrugged, "but she thinks it could be pneumonia. And I don't want to think that it's pneumonia."

"We don't want to see the ones we love so sick," his cool manner of speaking suggested to me that he was and always would be a Marine. The wheel was turned slowly. "If she doesn't show any signs of getting better by tomorrow morning, please give me a call and we'll take her to the hospital for a checkup."

"I really care about her, you know? I care so much about her. And I didn't even want to go to work today. But she forced me. It's like, she doesn't understand how much it means, going to work and leaving her home. Plus she sucked up an entire bottle of cough syrup in like four hours."

He chuckled, his Old Spice aftershave tingling my nose in the cool A.C. Mario was like fifty five and so handsome with a full head of gray hair now. I remembered a couple of weeks ago when he was allowing the gorgeous wife he had to die his hair black. But apparently he was fully embracing the gray. With his contacts in, his sharp blue eyes could chill the souls of anyone. But without them, he had a pair of green eyes that were darker than mine.

"Cuddle her up under lots of blankets and make a nice bowl of soup. Feed her," he said softly, tapping his gold wedding band on the steering wheel to Adele's 'Rolling in the deep'. "My wife says that when the cold kicks in, throw it out with a bowl of ice cream as well."

"Really?" I turned to him and smiled. "My mom believes the same thing."

"Yeah, also helps with the internal fever. I've had my share of the flu, horrible times before. If it wasn't for Darla, then I would have died."

"Every time you talk about your wife and I hear her name, I just keep thinking that she's this cute lady like in the movie 'The Little Rascals'. With short hair and a small voice."

"Actually she's quite cute to be honest." He reached below, between us and felt around in the small space under the A.C knobs. I noted the brown leather wallet clipped between his fingers and the flaps were parted. "Here," he held it out in my direction. "The angel on the left flap. The one on the right flap is my daughter Maggie. She passed away from leukemia when she was just six."

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," my throat ached so much. The picture was studied, and I couldn't believe how perfect a couple could look until I saw the two of them together in one picture.

She was gorgeous, a red head with very short hair, a bit falling into her brown eyes. They were dressed in their Marine uniforms, her hand thrown around his neck. High cheekbones and a small nose, her face narrow. So boyish, she looked in the photo, I thought back on the times he told me about her, how she was so sweet, and was always there now that they were back home together. And I also wondered if she was playful, regardless of the wrinkles under at the sides of her eyes.

"Maggie was Darla's life," he said softly, "and when she died, she started drinking heavy. Somehow I got her together, she sucked it up and went back into service. Came back three months later as strong as ever and I can tell you, for the thirty years we've been married, Emma, there has never been a day since when I stopped loving her. Sure we had our disagreements, but it wasn't major. The one thing couples take for granted is the fact that they have each other physically. They don't realize how lucky they are. Darla and I went months without seeing each other and we still came back and loved more than ever, the actuality of what we had. She's my world."

My chest heaved. I was holding onto the seat under me and after his little speech, I wanted her more than ever now. The traffic whizzed by and the destination grew closer and I did the one thing that even shocked me.

"Hey, take the first right that's coming up," I pointed whilst pulling out change from the pocket on my black jacket. "I need to get something really quick."

Mario turned the car and I showed him where to park, just in front of the 'Green Scene', Regina's favorite spot to buy everything veggie. The place Chad and I took her to get burgers in February; on her birthday, if you can remember well enough. After buying a citrus smoothie, I decided to get a bowl of vegetable soup, even though we had tonnes in the cabinet at home. Choosing to spoil her so much, it made me feel so mushy inside, so, so mushy.

When I did walk through the door, there was Chad, seated on the bare tiled floors, legs crossed like a kid. He was pressing dollar note after dollar note onto the ground, counting his money slowly and I had to laugh.

"Checking to see if you can hit the clubs tonight?" I glanced around the living room and noted that she wasn't in there. "Running short?"

"Oh I'm done with clubbing, sweet cheeks," he said, tilting his head like her and smirking, "I'm so done with Vodka shots, jello shots, slapping strippers with money, lap dances..."

"Right," I went in there slowly, wondering where she was.

"Emma, I'm serious. The dog days are over. I'm going to win Killian back. I'm trying so hard. I want him to see that I'm changing and I can do it. I got this."

"Where's your mom?" I frowned at him.

"Bedroom. Sleeping since three hours ago. Peaceful too. I checked on her constantly and she's sleeping like a baby. She's charging her battery. Fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety..." he kept on counting.

Resting the bags on the tiled counter, I could feel the mushiness growing warmer inside of my chest as the bedroom was approached. Even as I pushed the door open, and her White Diamond perfume greeted me, it was enough to curl my toes. Can you imagine what it meant to me in that moment to gaze in there and notice that she was hugging my red leather jacket, curled up a comma? Face buried into the insides of my jacket, she sleeping, the rise and fall of her chest signaling to me that it was really a deep sleep. Slowly breathing.

I couldn't remember the last time I had seen her that peaceful.

"Emma," she mumbled, her toes moving under the super huge red blanket that was so thick. The little yellow bunnies that were sprinkled all over the material really made her appear so much cuter.

But she was still sleeping.

So my presence was sensed, or was she dreaming about me?

I tiptoed into the room, and from the time my body was like six inches away from her, those brown eyes fluttered open slowly. We gazed at each other, in the silence within the room, my heart thump thumping fast. Because I felt so complete after all. It was like drawing in a deep breath and feeling the real sense of being alive. Knowing that you connected with this one person and she had become your life.

"I bet that you're hungry," sitting on the edge of the bed, I reached for her fingers and she did the same.

"Yes." Our fingers entwined, and her fever was still evident, those soft fingers warmer than ever. "For you."

"Regina," I stared back, cracking a smile, "all I'm going to give you is lots of cuddles, and kisses."

"Yes, please. Do I have to take a shower? I don't want to." She pouted at me and I found it so cute, my heart did a sighed.

"Hmm, it depends. Lemme smell you first."

"You know that I always smell good enough," she croaked, holding out her arms as I moved in to hug her. "It's like I sweat perfume, as you said. Remember?"

Burying my face into her dark hair fanning out upon the pillow, our cheeks pressed together, I just lingered there. Knowing that we were together finally after an entire day and I needed to take care of her. Staying there as I had been dreaming about for the entire day. With our bodies pressed together, how soft she was, and totally smelling too good, like apples and vanilla, perfume. I ran my fingers through her hair and felt how she was burning up, whether from me being there or the fever, I had no idea but those loving arms wrapped around me.

"Come let me help you up. I'll help you take a warm bath. It'll make you feel a little better," I whispered into her right ear, feeling how she trembled. "Then I have two treats outside, and after that, it's bed time again."

"Do I have to bathe?" her voice was so hoarse.

"Not really but when I was back home, mom used to always drag me out and get me to take a shower. She said that it helps."

"Not unless you take a shower with me."

"I said that I'll help you."

"Please," she held onto me, as I lifted her up slowly and it was then when Chad came to tell us that he was leaving already. He said something about going back to his apartment to study so I thanked him a bunch for sticking around that day and when he left, Regina remained seated on the bed like an obedient child.

Getting her inside the shower was a struggle, because she had become like a baby, never letting me go. Dependent. The red curtains crackled and I helped her inside the tiled square, reaching up high and hooking our towels on the wall. I mean, it wasn't ever something you wanted, to take a bath when you were sick. But it could work wonders, especially if the water was just warm enough. So I set the temperature and smiled as she squeezed into the corner, cupped hands reaching out and under the rain.

"I don't want to wet my hair," she croaked.

"Sure thing." I snatched the green plastic cap and helped her put it on over that head of silky black hair.

Slipping under the shower of water, I gazed at her as she did the same, completely naked, honey colored breasts heaving slowly. And as I stood under there getting myself drenched from head to toe, it dawned upon me that I used to envy women who had bigger boobs than mine. Like, I used to seriously feel bad about my size 32 B babies. But after being with Regina and knowing that she totally loved my body, to a point where my boobs were kissed and cuddled, I developed this confidence. I mean, she had like a 38 B pair of gorgeous orbs and her cleavage was pretty impressive.

Not like me. Even when I squeezed my spoonfuls together, they touched but looked really weird. As if I was trying too hard. So I did as she often allowed me to. I let them hang loose around the house and continued wearing my sports bras. Whatever made me comfortable. I'm not going to elaborate on this but one time I tried on one of her bras and the lace cups just caved in, making me feel like a dude or something. So whatever. Even if I didn't own a pair like hers, at least I had access to hers.

Right?

We used the lime green bath scrunchies to lather each other with lilac scented soap, and I did it slowly. I did it slowly because my eyes were just drinking in every inch of her, and the urge to have our lips meet, it was growing.

"Did you buy my Menthodex?" She was two inches shorter than me and I loved it, those brown eyes gazing up at me.

"I was ordered to, wasn't I?" Her shoulders were taken as we slipped under the showering water, and the suds were washed away slowly. "Do you think that I'll get the flu too?"

"If you do," her face moved closer, "then you must know that I'll certainly take care of you."

Our lips brushed, parted lips, soft and wet from water. My eyes fluttered close because I wanted that. I wanted to taste her. I had wanted to taste and to feel her since my footsteps led out of there that morning. And now it was happening in slow motion. So you can just imagine how the kiss happened, water raining down on us, our hair saved by the caps, heads tilting opposite ways. And when our lips met, I lost my breath. I couldn't breathe at all because her body moved in to press us together. The feeling of warm breasts on mine, our hips fitting together and I kissed her back deeply.

We curled into each other, when she turned around. I held onto her, savoring how the connection felt and knowing that it was intense. The way my fingers raked across her midsection and and cupped those full breasts, feeling how she trembled. Holding onto my wrists and guiding me lower and when I felt how wet she was, the heat radiating from between her thighs, that feeling just drove me crazy. It was like flipping a switch and knowing that something had been ignited inside of me, something more. And I couldn't turn back.

Making love to her was slow and so passionate, my head spun dangerously from the orgasms that awakened both of us. Especially her. Convulsing in my arms, closing around my kinked fingers because she was so tight, so determined though to take all I could give. And I gave her waves of satisfaction that lasted at intervals for about half an hour. Over and over again, Regina went over the edge, grinding herself upon me as I kissed the soft skin on her right shoulder.

"Never let me go," she said softly, half an hour later as I sat on the bed. She remained in front of me just as in the shower. But now we were clothed and under the sheets. Our legs tangled together.

"I wouldn't." My hand guided the spoon of soup to her parted lips and she sucked on it. "That's why I didn't want to go to work today. I wanted to stay here. With you."

"I know," warm fingers closed around my right wrist, as I fed her. She had the citrus smoothie resting on the vanity upon a square of tissue. "I should have allowed you to stay with me but I slept for over three hours anyway. Chad was great company. I listened to him lament on how his actions towards Killian were idiotic. I watched him study and then my eyes closed."

"Are you feeling any better or any worse?" her cheeks moved as she chewed on the softened veggies within the soup.

"Same way. But the pills are working."

I gave her the prescribed medication and made sure that a bottle of water was nearby. The coughing had subdued, as I noticed with some relief. But the fever remained and the sore throat. She also didn't have a runny nose. Good.

The windows were closed, blinds drawn because the last thing needed was a chilly breeze to drift in. Mom always said also, that sweating during the flu was a good thing. To me, I thought about it as our bodies releasing the sickness through our pores. If that was the case, then I was oh so doomed to get the flu soon because she was glued to me. Her skin was slightly damp and I couldn't help it. My lips found their way under her ears constantly as I kissed her over and over again.

"If it worsens by tomorrow, I'm going to take you for a checkup,okay?"

She nodded twice, fingers curling around the red ceramic bowl within her lap.

"Do you still think that it's pneumonia? Like, does it feel that way? I looked it up online today and if it's that, then we should really see a doctor."

"I'm already familiar with a doctor who does house calls. Mark Johnson. Mally's brother. He's right in New York." It was more of a definite choice on her part, over a visit to the hospital.

"So we can call him tomorrow then."

"If my symptoms worsen. Then."

If it was up to me, I would have called him right there and then to pay a visit. It's what happens when someone you love so much suddenly falls sick. The entire world is shadowed by doubts, by worries and your mind cannot be put at ease until that one person gets better again.

"How was your day?" I was asked, the bowl of soup disappearing already, fifteen minutes in.

"Apart from worrying ninety percent of the time over you, it was so dramatic."

"How so?" I handed her the smoothie and she sucked on the red straw.

Another little note to remember when someone you love falls sick is to never pressure them with unnecessary drama. Therefore the real drama at the meeting that afternoon was excluded. To some extent. I basically told her that it went okay but included the part about Butch making his wild comments and the suits growing flustered.

"They're men," she said matter-of-factly, pulling my arms closer around her. "The suits."

"Well duh."

"So why do you refer to them as such? Do they scare you? Because they shouldn't. I've had the good fortune of meeting with them and they're very reasonable men. At best, their knowledge is quite expansive, but they listen to Mally. They trust her."

"I'm not really scared of them," I used my fingers to comb through her hair, raking the strands back slowly. "It's just that they look so professional and like FEDS. You know, coming in and moving through like ninjas."

"One of them was a FED. Charles Norris."

"Chuck Norris' son?" I stared ahead.

"Yes." She sighed and I could already see the eye roll, even though we weren't facing each other. "The resemblance is uncanny. Minus the beard."

"How can he look like Chuck Norris without a beard?" I frowned.

"Emma, please spare me the Cosmo behavior." Her reference to The Fairly Odd Parents really shocked me because I never thought that my time spent in front of the television watching the show ever caught her attention. Or she even paid attention to the cartoon. At least she didn't call me Chrissy from Three's Company.

"Which reminds me," I hugged her tighter and marveled over how she mewled, "have you read Fifty Shades of Grey yet?"

Jackie Collins was one of her favorite authors, coupled with Nora Roberts. Her right hand caressed my thigh and I inhaled. What was the fuss about Christian Grey?

Somehow the question could have come up before, but my mind couldn't stick a pin on the specific moment. On my behalf, the book wasn't my kind of read. BDSM. Was she that kind? To favor hardcore love making? Not so far as we had been together, intimately.

"Reached the second page and realized that I really don't need Fifty Shades of Grey when I can most definitely have one hundred shades of Swan."

I laughed after that, completely enjoying myself. "Fifty Shades of Mills..."

"Yes, yes." Regina actually chuckled within her throat. "Neither does Harlequin novels anymore. Oh the times when I used to pour over those romances. Now no form of plots as those can stimulate my senses because of course, I am quite tangled up in a romance of my own."

"I like crime, gritty mysteries and detective work."

"Intriguing." Our entwined fingers curled up, both of us gazing at the connection. "So tell me, Emma," our fingers entwined and she held them up, "I have never asked this question before because it didn't seem to cross my mind. But why is it that your mother's name is Mary Nolan, your father's name is David Nolan and your name is Emma Swan?"

"I was adopted," I said in a serious tone.

"You were?" her head turned to have our eyes meet. She stared at me. Sometimes I thought that it was possible. Dad nor mom had blonde hair, and only one person in my family seemed to have a head of fair strands. That was one of dad's relatives, a distant aunt or something. So how the heck was I even blonde?

"No, just kidding." I inhaled deeply. "Remember I told you some time before that my dad had a run in with a bad case involving some bad people back in Maine?"

She nodded and kept our eyes connected.

"Well I was in school then. And these people kind of made threats to find us and put our lives into danger. So dad's chief at that time, he had this great idea that I should change my last name temporarily, until the storm blew over. My entire records were changed, with the registry, my birth certificate, school records. I had to learn to write my new last name and handle the kids who made fun of it."

"Swan..." Regina smiled. "I can just imagine the jokes, especially since your hair is blonde."

Raking my fingers through her hair, I pressed a kiss onto a warm forehead.

Lizzie had been one of the people to ridicule my new name. I remembered how it angered me to have my best friend constantly make these little comments about swans. It seemed to me as if everything in relation to her now, every little detail rubbed my heart the wrong way because I couldn't seem to get over what she did.

"One thing happened after the next and then time went by. They weren't convinced enough that these drug pushers were finished, so my name remained the same. Until now. It's still the same and it's on my ID. Not much of a powerful move to prevent them from tracking me but they did it anyway."

"They did what they thought was necessary," she assured me in a soft tone, "and for that, it is enough. We may never know if the name change worked. Perhaps it did. But it doesn't matter to me or it shouldn't to anyone else. After all, I believe that your name suits you. Combined."

"Really?" I studied her face. "How's that?"

"Emma means universal, as you are very open-minded and humane in every regard. If you envision a swan, it is a very beautiful animal that closely resides with its water habitat, signaling fluidity. Your emotions are a constant flow, and at times you tend to be quite peaceful, humble in one attitude."

Wowing me. That's what she was so good at. I could only look at her, speechless.

"When swans are in love, they stay together, seeming to crave a sense of closeness. That's what you desire, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"You also have quite a long neck."

"What."

Her purpose was to make me laugh and I did after a while, feeling my neck just to check if the truth had been spoken. Because sometimes I felt as if my neck was too long. If I shrugged, like really lifting my shoulders, my arms couldn't touch my ears. Okay, maybe it's a weird thing to possibly imagine anyone could achieve but the thought did cross my mind. This is getting weirder. Let's just forget that I made you picture that.

When my cellphone beeped, I didn't pay any attention to it. Until hers vibrated as well. Strange. I reached for both of the mobiles and handed hers over. It was a WhatsApp message, Killian sending a photo to me. So I tapped on it and from the time I did, my eyes widened.

"Well, well, well," Regina said. "What do we have here?"

Killian had sent me a photo with his arm around Chad, the latter beaming at the camera, both their faces a bit flushed. They were touching their bottles of beers together, appearing so happy..

When I checked her phone, it was Chad who sent the photo, captioned ' **Guess who hugged me tonight? I feel so special now!'**

Honestly my heart literally tipped the scale on growing so mushy in one night. I sat there on the bed, with her in my arms and felt so intense about the photos and the fact that she was there with me and things were progressing for those two. Everything. Mally defending her, to which I'd dish out that part when she was feeling a little better.

Hopefully that would be tomorrow.

"I'm so happy for them," she buried her face into my neck and sighed.

"Queer as Folk was so hot. I need to watch re-runs," I said, staring at the vanity in front of the bed.

"What's that? A comedy?"

The wind rattled the window for a few seconds and thunder cracked above. Woah. Talk about a change in weather.

"It's the male version to The L Word," I said, pulling the sheet over our bodies a little more. "The club music was amazing."

"What's The L Word?"

"Come on, Regina," I couldn't believe it, "don't tell me that you never heard of or saw The L Word. It's impossible."

"I don't watch television, remember?" she croaked, our legs moving together. "It is possible that I have never seen it. What is it about?"

"A group of lesbian friends and their love lives and stuff," I explained, "funny thing is, I always thought that my type was Shane."

"Who's Shane?"

The questions. She could really become like a five year old sometimes, questioning me non-stop until my head cracked open. And the weird part was the innocent look she'd give me, brown eyes wide, fascinated by every single answer.

"Shane's this lesbian in the show that I had a wild crush on. Like I literally dreamed of her doing me. She's a a total dude."

"Google this...Shane and show me her," I was told, whilst she unlocked my phone and opened Chrome. "I'd like to see this person. This...woman."

"Look, you had Julie Andrews and chances are, you still have a thing for Julie Andrews. So leave me and my Shane alone. Besides," I was scowled at, "I don't have urges for her anymore. There's you."

Regina's chest heaved. Whilst I smiled, she didn't.

"There's...me."

"Yeah, unless I'm with a ghost or something then that's weird as shit."

"Why did you say it like that?" her voice was growing huskier. "There's...Shane and then there's...you. Me. In other words, I came along and ruined the fun."

"Regina, you know what I meant."

"Google her."

I did, and her finger hit IMAGES so fast, my heart did a little scream. One picture was blown up, and I was left to stare at the photo of Shane dressed in a tailored black suit, white shirt unbuttoned.

"I'm beyond gorgeous in comparison to this person."

"Vain, much?" I scoffed.

"She doesn't even have my size of breasts, something that you crave for. My hair is silkier and better styled as well."

"But is she doable to you?" I couldn't ignore the fact that her vanity would kick in at certain times but it didn't affect me in any way. In fact, I found her little confident comments to be really entertaining.

"She's not my type." The browser was closed off and Regina locked the phone.

"Dude," I gaped, "Shane is everyone's type."

"Well she's not mine." Curling up on her right side, she hugged me. "You're my type. Always have been. Always will be. I have a thing for blondes." She buried her face into my flat chest.

"I noticed," I made reference to Mally.

"I'm a brunette already. I'm attracted to something different. Fair hair stimulates my senses, more than ever does yours. None compares to yours."

"This blonde mess?" I twirled a few strands between my fingers and she studied my action. "Come on."

"You really have no idea how beautiful you are, Emma. Every inch of you."

"Even my small boobs?" I frowned.

"Yes. A mouthful is just enough. But then again, I'd rather use my mouth between your legs than anywhere else."

"Hey!" I squeezed her as one would squeeze a teddy bear and she let out a forced mewl.


	29. The Tale Of Two Superwomen

**Excerpt**

" ** _I'm ordering you to get that same box, and start packing what belongs to you on your desk, into that box. Because after good enough reason, you have stepped out of line too many times."_**

" ** _You can't -"_**

" ** _You're fired," Regina cut her off neatly, "dismissed with immediate notice. And don't expect to get any kind of reference from either Mally or myself. I don't lend assistance to arrogant and disrespectful people."_**

" ** _Fuck you!" Debra cried, and she made an attempt to advance on Regina but Larry and like three other guys rushed forward. "You're a self-conceited bitch who thinks that she knows everything."_**

* * *

The next day, New York was suddenly being ravished by a thunder storm. Suddenly, the sky reminded me of this evening gown Regina had tucked away in the closet; a beautiful gray, satin dress that stopped midway down her thighs and hugged that gorgeous body. The weather just reminded me of the dress because whenever she wore it, my heart would shake like an old house in a thunderstorm.

The plunging neckline was my favorite part about the dress though, this little silver chain hooking the space between the cut out and managing to give everyone a serious look at the definition of cleavage. And every time she moved in that dress, a streak of lightning crept across my heart because of the sexiness, the boobs, and the butt.

I thought that Storybrooke had the worst storms but after moving to New York, the amount of lightning streaks that sliced the sky above skyscrapers, it was enough to prove to me that my conclusion had been wrong. Not that I had traveled around that much anyway. From Maine to New York. That's it. So that morning whilst I sipped on my coffee and left her buried under the sheets, the kitchen illuminated constantly with those horrible flashes. Wind howled through cracks and rattled windows, and her red lace blinds flapped.

Someone had escaped from Azkaban.

Something wicked this way comes.

Noah needed to build his ark now, as dad would mutter.

There I was, fearing the worst as my mom often did. So naturally, a red plastic spoon was chosen over a metal one.

Success.

Better safe than sorry.

I helped her up before leaving and made sure that she took a warm shower. Regina was feeling somewhat better but her determination to behave like a spoiled prat didn't go unnoticed. Groaning and protesting, batting my arms away and growling whilst I tried to tug off her night gown. Miss Grumpy Mills, winning in comparison to Grumpy Cat. She was trying her best to irritate me but no matter what that mind of hers thought up of, I deflected every single move.

I decided to wash her hair, raking my fingers through silky dark, choppy strands, and massaging a warm scalp. It was enough to get her to relax as she gazed at me, droplets sticking to those fluttering eyelashes. Sometimes I wondered what she would do without me. Like in a time such as this one. Had she been living alone and attacked by the flu, then who would have taken care of her? Sure, she'd drag her butt to work, sick as ever and sneezing every single second, but I felt as if my presence in her life made a huge difference.

She had me there and I did whatever it took to soothe her worries away. Because I knew to myself, I just knew that Regina would do anything to make me feel better.

After using the blow dryer and giving her that fluffed up effect, my palms were lathered with some apple scented moisturizer. You can just imagine the amount of scrutiny I was getting. Brown eyes following my every move. She was like a doll, sitting in front of me on that little stool, hands gathered in her lap. Not a word was said but the clap of thunder above and the rattling of the windows filled the silence.

"So the fever is gone and the coughing stopped." I slowly raked my fingers through her hair, and she relaxed. "I called Mally, told her what's up and she told me to make sure you stay home today. I'm gonna leave your medication on the vanity. After you're finished with this bowl of soup then -"

"I don't want to eat," she said, her voice cracking.

"I'm not going to leave you here until you suck up the entire bowl." We stared at each other. "Only then can you take your Dayquil and -"

"I don't want to eat."

I inhaled deeply and stooped down, taking her hands into mine. "Okay, so you don't want soup. What do you want to eat? Right now? What are you craving for?"

Regina groaned, shoulders hunched. "A Nature Valley Granola."

We had packs of that stuff in the kitchen. Chad was the obsessive buyer of candy bars and he knew exactly what her taste buds craved for. But with the busy schedule and full focus on lunch most times, she was somehow too busy to even eat breakfast. Now that a Granola bar was actually being asked for, I didn't hesitate, rushing to the box and snatching like three from the packet. I wasn't surprise when all of them were apple crisp crunchy ones. Not surprised at all.

"i can stay home, you know," she was helped onto the couch in front, and the television was turned on to the Today's Show. "We can cuddle all day through the storm and watch movies."

"No. Go to work," her gaze lowered.

I wasn't sure of what to do. Whether to believe that her sudden behavior was related to the flu or something else was happening. Shut off, paranoia, Emma. Shut it off and stop worrying so much. Nothing has happened. She's just tired and sick and it has nothing to do with you. You're doing everything there is to make her feel comfortable, and loved and way better, so stop worrying.

"What's wrong?" I held her face between my hands. "Tell me."

"It's complicated," she whispered, still refusing to make eye contact.

"Don't try that line with me because you know that you can tell me anything. So go ahead. What's bothering you?"

A few seconds slipped by, and it started to rain, droplets hitting the windows hard so I sat there in front of her, and just the thought of getting to work stressed me out. Going out there, running into the car, then getting out and running into another building. When I could just stay home, call in sick and stretch out in comfort all day.

"Alright well if you wouldn't talk to me, then I'll just...go," I gestured towards the doorway and stood up.

In the process of reaching for a tailored black jacket that matched the black pants I had on, warm hands slid around my waist from behind. What an amazing way to be hugged. It made me feel so fuzzy inside, well protected and immediately certain that I wasn't the reason behind her irritable mood. Something else was itching at her mind.

"When I'm sick, I have these...nightmares," she rested her chin upon my right shoulder and hugged me tighter. "I had the same one for the past two nights and it was about..." her chest heaved.

Instantly I twirled around and rested our foreheads together, knowing that eye contact was needed. "What was it about?"

"The...baby," she whispered, brown eyes brimming with tears, "I felt the pain. I couldn't breathe and I was...screaming. And he didn't care about me."

"Regina, you don't have to do this," I reassured her, taking a hold of hunched shoulders as she trembled, losing all self-control. "You don't have to go back there."

"But the nightmares happened. I had...to...tell...you. It was as if my body was a coffin and I couldn't wake up. I couldn't do anything to stop it."

What were you supposed to do in a moment like that? Hugging her was necessary, so I did that. My arms wrapped around her, and she curled into me, still shaking from something that had been resurrected all of a sudden. Memories, painful ones. Memories that came in the form of bad dreams and terrorized her. It made me feel so bruised, to know that this broken part of her life still hurt in so many ways and still, there was no way I could heal the pain. There was no way that I could reassure her that everything would be alright because when something like that happens, obviously it would leave a whole in your heart.

I wasn't a mother.

I didn't know what it felt like to lose a child but I knew what it felt like to lose my best friend. However, you couldn't link the two. But one thing always came to mind when she spoke of her miscarriage: how much I hated Robin's guts. I hated him so much. I wanted him to feel the pain he had caused her and believe me, in that moment, my anger level had risen so high, if he had walked into that room, I would have lunged at him. He was a piece of shit, and honestly, I couldn't understand what the hell she ever saw in him to even encourage any kind of affections.

Somehow, my hugging changed her. In so many ways, I believed that by just having us connect like that, without saying anything, a change would happen. Whether slightly or more than ever, she softened up, clinging onto me and I did the one thing dad would do to mom when she wasn't feeling like herself. There was a first time for everything so why not do it now? So scooping her up into my arms, she was taken to the couch in the small living room. But there was one problem.

Regina wouldn't let go of me.

I stood there with the lady of my life in my arms, trying to deposit her onto the red blanket. Yet, she wouldn't detach her arms from around my neck. She held on and pressed those soft, warm lips on my neck. The intimate move sent a tingling down my back that ignited so many feelings. Even sliding my arm out from under her kinked knees didn't do the job because yeah, she managed to stand up well enough, but the grip around my neck remained the same.

"You're such a big baby," I smiled. "And no one seems to know except me."

"Tell me that it's going to be okay," her voice was hoarse, our eyes meeting. "Tell me that you're going to love me forever."

"It's going to be okay, and I'm going to love you forever," I said, tucking dark strands of hair behind her ears. "All I can do is to be here for you. I can just hold you and be here when those nightmares come back, as a reminder that I would never do something like that to you. Like what he did. I'd never leave you like that."

"You did it before," she said, tears leaking from her eyes. "When we fell out. And I needed you. And you specifically said that just that once, you were going to walk away."

"Just that once," I said. "And just for the record, what he did can't be compared to what happened that night. You had me there, in case anything happened. I took you out with me and I was there. We were with the guys. Robin knew that you were hurt. He knew. And he left you there to suffer. I would never do something like that."

Lightning flashed again and the rain had probably turned down to a drizzle. The time was going, but it didn't matter to me because she just brought that night up suddenly, just when we were talking about Robin and it kind of hurt me. It hurt me because I was aware of what I did that night. I didn't leave her at home and walk out the door, but she was taken along for the ride. What happened was me shutting the conversation we had in that washroom down because I needed to do it. I needed her to see that there were times when my heart craved for us to be together and she was never there.

"I just feel so raw inside," and she finally slipped those arms from around my neck. "Waking up on the wrong side of the bed." She shrugged. "You can go now."

I stared. The sudden decision to deflect my comfort, to shut down the conversation and ask me to leave; I didn't like it. "Hey."

Collapsing onto the blanket I had spread out for her, and scrunching up the pillow, she ignored me. She was really ignoring me, knees tucked up and turning onto her left side. So I felt as if the time had come for me to leave. Not that there was no need on my part to remain there and squeeze some more talk out of her. But in situations like those, you kind of know when to shut up and walk away. Because if anything else was said, then there was a high possibility that we would end up with a conversation containing a lot of static.

She wasn't on her period. Those days were over and it could be menopause, couldn't it? A bit of edginess, irritability and the dying need to be clingy yet wishing somehow to keep me at a distance. I believed that it was menopause because the hot flashes had become frequent now, which explained the need to keep her A.C above normal, to freezing point. No one should go ahead and poke a bear with a stick, willingly.

Reaching for the strap on my black backpack, I pulled it up from the glass table, the silence brewing. Sliding the straps on, the bag was adjusted as I gave her one last glance. Those eyelashes were fluttering slowly. She was studying her nails, and breathing contemplating on something. I found it strange but nevertheless, the door was headed to.

"Bye," I said, my gaze lingering on her curled up form.

And then I left without a reply.

X

"She's a little fuck," was Barbara's exact words as I walked past her desk that morning. Immediately, my footsteps stalled and she was smiled at. "A little fuck," the gray haired version to my mother commented, scowling. "Don't you agree?"

It was raining so heavily outside, the bottom of my tailored pants had become drenched. Wet and drawing cold air around my ankles.

"Who exactly are we talking about?" I inquired after, inclining my head. Telephones rang around us and someone was laughing from my department just across the hall, most likely Javier.

"Her name begins with 'D' as in dick," Regina's secretary commented boldly. "Douche."

"Barbara!" I couldn't believe her sudden openness, in relation to vulgarity. "Since when do you get so worked up about these people in here?"

"Since she insulted my boss in front of my other boss." Chin up, back stiff as a poker, she began to tap on those keys, appearing haughty. "No one insults those ladies in here. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets her ass sacked. That fat pig. How is she? Miss Mills?" Our eyes connected and I sighed. "Still the same?"

"Nah, she's getting better but still a bit down. I guess that it's the weather." Taking up her yellow highlighter from the desk, files and folders arranged neatly, I pulled off the cap. My right thumb nail was colored idly.

"The weather made me drag out my wellies," Barbara adjusted her gold framed reading glasses. "Have them tucked under my desk in case I have to make a spin on the road. I doubt it though. Miss Mills hardly has me running errands outside these days. Not that I complain about doing them. I love to get out and stretch my legs."

"I know the feeling," after coloring my pinky fingernail, I returned the highlighter to the desk. "Sometimes I just sit in there and I just want to get out so badly."

"Then take a walk to the washroom," she suggested. "Use the downstairs one. Or take a peep in on your lady. I notice that you don't even slip in and say hi to her."

"Well we like to keep things strictly professional at work," my backpack was adjusted, shoulders beginning to ache. And it was true. Drawing the line and never blurring them, only when necessary.

"Sneaky, sneaky, you two. When everyone knows already." Barbara clicked her tongue.

"Yeah. Anyway, Babs, I'll see you later on. Gotta run in since I'm already late." I backed away from her desk and inhaled deeply, waving as she did.

Larry didn't even lift his head from his work station to pinpoint my arrival. Strange. Very strange because from glancing at the green clock with white hands, I was precisely one hour and ten minutes late. So at least there should have been questions. But nothing came my way, and he mumbled something to himself as the phone rang, reaching for it, eyes glued to the monitor.

Something was up on his end. I could sense the tension surrounding that area and my eyes swept the department. Javier was at his desk, running a report from yesterday's subscriptions and Justin was on the phone with a customer, signaling something to me. I was handed a sheet of paper when his desk was approached and noting that it was the usual follow up list of customers, Larry's strange behavior still puzzled me.

Could it be personal?

"What's wrong with the sup?" I reared my head over the wall separating Javier from myself, brows obviously knitted. "Something happened that I missed?"

He considered Larry seated in front of us and shrugged. "Dunno. He's been like that since I got in. Probably trouble in the women department."

Could be. I didn't comment because Regina always warned me to hold my tongue and to never gossip about the superiors at work. It was like one of the deadly sins because a weed could grow. If something slipped from someone's mouth and ended up in the grapevine and it came from me, then you bet your ass that my name would be attached to it. They'd be quick to jump in and highlight the fact that I had started the chain of destruction.

But I wanted to get back at Debra, I really desired that. The urge to have some kind of embarrassment cross her path during work hours would be so stimulating to my aching mind. Knowing that she could channel her rage in a public forum like that and slip through the cracks? It kind of pissed me off to an extent whereby whenever our paths crossed, I literally shot fireballs in her direction. Of course, she didn't react differently, staring me down as if I was porn happening live in the workplace or something.

Some time near eleven, I decided to rise from my desk and draw nearer to my supervisor. It was my intention to squeeze out the problem from his troubled being. Because he was enveloping us in negative energy that wasn't doing any favors. Calling customers and having my eyes rest on his hunched form behind the desk, knowing that he was probably grinding his teeth behind there. I got up and went over there, tapping the top of the wall that barely reached my pair of 'delicious mouthfuls' as Regina often delighted me in saying.

"Hey, what's up?" I tried a smile and folded my arms on the top of the wall. "You look like my mom when she doesn't get her chocolate sundaes every Sunday."

His lips tugged into a small smile, tapping away on the keyboard. "Sounds bad."

"And that's not the worst I've seen her. She usually hates it when dad doesn't rub her feet when it rains. Pitching around things in the house and slamming doors. I get used to it though."

"Well..." he tilted his head and used the mouse to click on something, "bad moods come in different forms."

"What happened to put you in one?" I was inquisitive, since I was a kid, always asking questions and never shy to dig in deeper. Getting answers was my main aim, up to that day.

He took some time before replying. In that span of time, I noted that he was working on a spreadsheet with a bunch of numbers. Had to be a monthly report. Row one thousand and ten and referring to another sheet with a jumble of other numbers. How he did it, I had no idea but Larry also helped out the Marketing department with sales and forecasting information. Crunching numbers and delivering graphs to the topmost quality. That's what he was good at, whilst supervising us weirdos in here.

"I met a woman in church the other day that I clicked with," his voice was low, and I was admiring his red, long sleeved shirt, nicely fitting in with the black tie. "We sat next to each other and I shared my hymn book with her. It was raining so I lent her my umbrella to get home since my brother was going to pick me up. So naturally, she collected my number to call. For me to get the umbrella. She called me yesterday and said that we could meet up so I began to really plan for a nice night out." He sighed and licked his lips. "When I get there, I collect the umbrella, we sat and had drinks and then this asshole shows up. From my side, it looked as if he was hitting on her with his shitty lines so I stepped in and asked him to leave her alone."

"Lemme guess," I frowned, "it was her boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?" He stared at me, "more like her husband."

"Geez."

"Emma, I felt so fucked up, I got up and got out of there so fast. Woke up on the wrong side of the damn bed." He began to type again.

"I can only imagine. Women can be such bitches."

"Tell me about it. And the decent guys like me always end up getting the bad ones."

"Not all of them," I smiled, and reached out to squeeze his left arm, "Regina really likes you, remember?"

"Yeah well, the straight ones, more like," he smiled back and that was a good sign. "The world needs more women like you and her."

"I'm so thirsty and it's like, because of the weather, I'm afraid to drink water because of having to go to the washroom," I told him, hugging myself and listening to the rain hammer the glass windows. The green shutters were drawn but I could make out the droplets sticking to the outside panes and felt so captivated in the thought of storms. Overwhelming. Thunder always thrilled me.

"You better quench your thirst," he pointed out, gesturing to the cooler, "because you can start seeing double."

"You know right?" I slapped the wall of his cubicle playfully and spun around.

Heading to the water cooler, only one thought was on my mind. How beautiful the sky was probably looking; overcast, gray, and constantly sliced by lightning. The way mom told the story about what happened during storms. God was fighting with Satan, she'd say. Somehow Satan was trying to bury the hatchet with God, and his soul was too bad to please God. So naturally, the two of them ended up in a serious quarrel, pointing magic sticks at one another and firing away, Harry Potter style. Walls crashing, and the sizzle of lightning cutting across the sky as they slammed each other with fury.

She loved to relate everything to God and the Bible. My mom was so amazing and I couldn't get over the fact that she had accepted everything about my sexuality so easily. It's because she was obviously my mother. Knowing me. Knowing somehow that I had always been different and I was her only kid and no matter what, I would never let her go. Distance separated us, and it killed me but deep down inside, I knew that she was thinking of me. Every single day.

Taking a plastic cup from the top of the vertical heap, I fitted it under the tap and pressed the blue lever. Water gushed out and filled the silence. Javier sneezed and Justin said 'bless you' in return. The shutters clicked against one another, as the A.C hummed and directed cool air in their direction.

Suddenly there was movement at the corner of my eye. Just to the right. I removed my finger from the lever, eyes lifted to check who it was. And you can just imagine my astonishment when no other than Regina walked by, our eyes meeting instantaneously.

What the thunderous hell?

Dressed to impress as usual. Dark, choppy hair so shiny and well styled, lips painted red. My mind exploded when I noticed that she was wearing my bronze colored leather jacket, coupled with a black shirt as I could tell from the collar peeking out and a black skirt that hugged those glorious hips. She also had managed to slip into a pair of black stockings and the knee high black leather boots astounded me. It was like the sexiest thing of all, when your girlfriend and your boss chose to wear so much leather in one day.

Not forgetting the fact that she was rubbing off her perfume inside my jacket. She was marking her territory, so that when I did slip into it, people would smell her on me. I loved it. I fucking loved the move and the outfit and the fact that she showed up like an illusion or something.

Definitely noting how I stared at her in disbelief, she crossed in front of the glass, then stopped. Smiling, her cupped fingers were lifted and I was waved at. No. It wasn't a smile! She was smirking at me! Was this real? Was I seeing her right there because my mind had been aching to envision the lady who owned my heart since I left the apartment?

And just like that, she moved out of sight.

"I thought she was sick?" Larry convinced me that my mind hadn't been playing tricks. "Seems like she braved the storm and came in anyway."

Still shocked, I took my cup of water to the cubicle and sat down slowly. My work didn't resume until like fifteen minutes later when I digested the sudden appearance and was anxious enough to go off to lunch.

X

X

"Well thank goodness something told me to wear a bra today!" Barbara exclaimed as I neared her desk, staring at Regina's door. "You didn't tell me that she was coming in!"

"I didn't know," I hissed, ducking over her desk and gripping the edge. "I've been tricked. We both have been tricked. I left her on the couch at home, cuddled up on a blanket, no makeup on."

"So how in the world did she get in here within two hours, fully dressed, with her face on?"

"That...person in there..." I pointed, completely in awe, "is not...who we think she is. She's an imposter." A sneeze originated from within the office and we both jumped from the sound.

"It appears as if we have a doppelganger in our midst. And to think that I was expecting to leave at a quarter to five today. Just to say that I managed it twice in a row. Hmmph!" her balled fists rested in front of the keyboard, eyes lowered.

I couldn't believe it, taking the green carpet between me and the door in long strides and reaching out for the knob. It was turned and the bottom of the door whispered upon the carpet as it was pushed open. Therein, the threshold was crossed and I entered the office, noticing that she had either forgotten to flip on the switch on her A.C or it was a deliberate attempt to keep the power off.

"No, tell him that the changes have been made and the final draft is in the vault," she gestured for me to have a seat, sitting upright in that red leather chair and appearing so warm in my jacket. "Yes. Send him the okay right now. Thank you, Tommy."

Tommy.

I remembered that I had a cat by the name of Tommy back home, like over ten years ago. A tomcat with orange and white fur. We had to put him down because he managed to catch an infection that sickened the poor baby. It was one of the saddest days of my life, to watch my dad hand him over in a box to the lady at the animal shelter in Storybrooke. I was just six, I think. And the lady had given me a lollipop to suck on.

Now there were these cute little apple flavored mints in a glass jar on her desk. So I reached for one. The paper's crackle filled the office as she handled another call and stared at me. Smiling back, I sucked on the candy, and reached for another one. It was then when Regina batted my hand away from the bowl and I squeaked, folding back into the chair.

"Here was me thinking that you'd spend the entire day, in a heap on the couch," I remarked, just as she rested the phone back down. "Your tricks, I don't find them amusing, Juliet."

"Oh zip it," she smiled, eyes lowered.

"You have scarred thine heart, my fair maiden. Terribly. With your mocking smile and your witchcraft."

"You're too cute. I couldn't stay at home," her voice was still hoarse, brown eyes focused on me now. "Emma, I couldn't stay home for one more day. I needed to get out of there. I need to work. To keep myself busy. I am not the kind of woman to remain in one attitude for too long."

"Had a feeling that it would bother you," I squeezed my lips together. "Please tell me that you brought your medication."

She jerked her chin to this little, red, oval shaped case resting snugly on the edge of the grand oak desk. "All in there."

I stared at it. "And you made all these preparations in like two hours?"

"Yes," I was frowned at. "Why?"

Sitting back, a shrug was offered. "Nothing. I just...didn't expect you coming in today. That's all."

"Had other plans, didn't you?" her teasing brown eyes suggested something wicked brewing. "Were you going to sneak out and stash away lots of candy in my absence?" the department across from her office was gestured at. "Filling your cute little fair cheeks with chocolates and corrupting your blood sugar levels? Were you? Mission aborted." I was stared at. "You'll eat healthy or I'll be damned."

I stared back, lips pressed together and my heart fluttering like a butterfly because she had captured me in a moment that suggested so much of her bossy side, it was sexy. Loving every single second of that authoritative attitude and craving for more, I decided to rebel. Folding my arms, the skyline was focused on instead.

"You're not going to spoil my plan, I have a stash already. Hidden where you can never find it. And I'm going out just now, right across the street to the candy corner, to buy more. So much more."

"Buy them then," her tone was flat, and lips pursed, the little, red, oval shaped case was pulled nearer. After unzipping it, the bottle of Menthodex was taken out. "Buy them and I'll deprive you of sex for two weeks."

What. No. No freaking way was I going to sit there and allow something like that to happen. Never. "You know you can't resist me. So you can't even try."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!" I rose up and widened my eyes at her.

Regina chuckled, brown eyes lowered. "I suppose that's true. After all, your screams are music to my ears."

" _My_ screams?" My gaze rested on every move that was made in front of me at that point. The way the DayQuil packet was torn open and the tablets downed with a glass of water.

"Must we repeatedly linger on this discussion?" I was given a bored look. "Perhaps you become too dazed to even recollect those heated moments that drive you insane. Coupled with the fact that your mind blows itself away to a point where you simply cannot hear anything."

"Unbelievable," I shook my head and considered her in awe.

The bottle of Menthodex was reached for and she twisted the cap around slowly. Those long red nails were blood red, well-manicured. And I remembered guiltily thinking of the feel of those warm fingers between my thighs. Just a sudden thought, you know? Like a brush on your memory and then my collar was irritating the hell out of my neck because I was becoming flustered.

"I'm going to drink the entire bottle of Menthodex in protest to your candy obsession," she said to me hoarsely. Her grip on the medicine grew tighter. "Watch me whilst I do it."

The fact that she gave me a warning before committing the crime, that was enough to spark up my reaction. And just as her red painted lips met the bottle's mouth, I reached across the desk and pulled it away. But she wouldn't let go. Both of our fingers wrapped around the damn thing and Regina scowled at me, hanging on as if within the bottle, a potion that continued her life resided in there. As if oxygen was inside the blasted thing.

"Give me the medicine, Regina," my tone was flat now as I held on. With one tug, she growled.

"Hand over your candy first."

"I don't have any candy."

"So you lied to me then?" I was given a maddening stare, her head tilted, choppy black hair falling into place all too perfectly. "How remarkable, Miss Swan. That you chose to lie about your little stash. I will find it."

"Give me the bottle." I yanked at it harder and feared for the paperwork on her desk, in the event of the contents spilling out. "And don't Miss Swan me. We've been down south and between the valleys already. Multiple times."

For a few seconds, we maintained eye contact and neither of us released our grip. Horns blared outside and Barbara's voice could be heard through the door. I stared at her. She stared at me. I was standing. She remained sitting and all of a sudden, her brown eyes lowered, a smile tugging at those red painted lips. My snort only made her erupt into a bout of hoarse laughter that really and truly was music to my ears. And when she released the bottle, I shook my head and collected the cap from her desk, twisting it on firmly.

"Between the valleys?" Her eyes clouded with tears as her amusement played on. "Really, Emma?"

"It just...happened...naturally," I shrugged, biting in my laughter. "I'm not as poetic as I used to be."

"Oh that was poetic," she seemed enlightened, smiling still, eyebrows arched. "Perhaps you can write a few lines for me in your spare time. You know, just as the keepsake I still have in my jewel box. The letter you wrote me when we started off together?"

The memory was hurtful still but distant enough to have me thanking the current status of our relationship.

"I also wonder why we haven't any pictures taken together."

"Coming from the woman who ducks away every time I pull out my phone to take a pic, yeah..." I was absentmindedly emptying the medication out of her oval case and my actions weren't even checked. "Plus you're not the photo type, are you?"

"I can be. I savor memories. I had an plastic container with tonnes of photos of Chad and Kay when they were babies to toddlers to kids. And all of those memories remain in Los Angeles." Appearing downcast, she reached for a pen and avoided my eyes. "Which reminds me that your mom was going to show me your photo albums last Christmas and time flew by so quickly."

I was still studying her face intently, worrying after the belongings that were locked away in the mansion in L.A. "Mom was saying something about doing a family thing for their anniversary that's coming up. So I'll let you know."

"When is it?" she was somewhat relaxed now, collecting papers around her desk.

"November. They're on a vacation in Canada now for two weeks," I said, zipping up the case. "Both of them kind of save their annual vacation time for the same month and head off somewhere. Last year it was Mexico."

"And...you...didn't...go?" I was stared at with widened brown eyes.

"Well, I figured that they needed time alone and I'm too big already. So why should I cut in? I mean, they're still lovey dovey with each other and they have these little intimate moments constantly. Most times I just feel left out. Like a big kid going on a trip with her parents. Nah." I smiled though. "Plus we were just starting to date each other and I really wanted to be here with you."

Our eyes remained connected and the warming love directed at me was enough to make my heart melt. "I've always told you to never put me over your parents."

"They didn't mind. Mom was so happy that I was seeing somebody. She told me to stay here and work on it as hard as I could. So.." I shrugged, "...I stayed. And I never regretted it. It was around the same time when I sent you the letter. When we fell out and you told me to leave you alone."

"I can never forget that," her voice was huskier, possibly affected from emotion, "or any other time that we fell out. To me it seems that the struggles are remembered always. Because of the fear and the anxiety attached to such moments. Fearing that it will end, or that I could have done something different to prevent the disaster from occurring."

"It wasn't really a disaster," I said softly, choosing to remain standing because I had half an hour left to grab lunch and I had to get a move on soon. "Sometimes stuff happen because it has to happen. The best part of those days though is knowing to myself that even when people asked me if I wanted to leave you and the thought entered my mind, I knew deep down inside that it was not an option. I had to work it out with you. I just had to. And I felt that we were meant to be together, I believed it. So it made me hang on and have hope that things would get better."

Her brown eyes clouded with tears and to shield the destruction of such a sturdy composure, Regina's head tilted as she began to sign off on paperwork.

We had reached a phase in our relationship where if something like that happened, and she didn't reply, then I felt as if enough was said. Not in a really bad way, as in silence meaning that something was wrong. But gathering from the way she talked to me on a deeper level before, I knew to myself that my words were appreciated and her heart glowed just enough to signal to me that everything was okay. That I didn't need a response.

"So I'm going to head down to the cafeteria now," my tone was still soft, moving to the door, "want anything?"

"Grab your lunch bag and bring it back in here," she said from her desk, "I'd like us to spend some more time together."

Of course that stopped in definitely. Most times, well for as long as I could remember, she never really asked me to have lunch with her. Only on really special occasions at work. The last time I was accommodated in there for any kind of meal was probably when we fell out a long time ago and she got us veggie burgers. Other than that, the boundary was drawn between us at work. Which pretty much meant, no excessive chatting, or spending time together, but keeping things seriously professional.

"How come?" I turned around and frowned at her. "Are you sure?"

"Am I sure about what?" Her gel ink pen flicked between two fingers, elbow propped on the desk. She was considering me eagerly. "Spending time with you or having lunch together?"

"Both." And to add just in case, "I don't mean to sound wrong or anything but it's just that we never do this at work."

"Well we're doing it now. Go on," The pen flicked towards the door and perched on the edge of her red, leather chair, she reached for those black rimmed glasses. "I'm waiting for you to get your ass back in here. And by all means, move at a glacial pace." Her sarcasm was never offensive to me, in fact, it was too cute or sexy.

It took me a while to realize that she pulled a Miranda Priestly line at me from the movie Devil Wears Prada. Whether it was intentional or not, I couldn't tell. But the DVD was in her apartment. She had specifically bought it when Netflix was paid for and any movie could be streamed at any time. The main fact that Regina owned a copy of the movie just as she treasured every copy of her books, it made me believe that she watched it in my absence. She watched it and she probably smirked at Miranda's behavior, who had probably been her role model before we kissed each other.

Somehow, as Chad put it, when the divorce was finalized and I picked her up from the airport in New York, on her way back from Las Vegas, Regina had an epiphany. Somehow whilst we sat in my yellow car and drove whilst talking, something changed inside of her. She became less rigid as Chad put it. Less sarcastic and bitchy. Chad claimed that I was sandpaper, rubbing out her rough edges from just one look and I brought out the mushy part of her. The part that people never saw, especially at work.

But it was strange, really it was, because at work, I oftentimes did not catch her in action with the other employees. Well as much as I used to, that is. Remember at Flames, Ruby and I were seated at the desk immediately outside her office so we got a fair amount of what transpired inside. Now, Barbara absorbed all the drama whilst I was squished inside my cubicle in the Customer Rep and Marketing Department. Probably the drama still went on. But didn't Debra and the rest of those ignorant asses prove that fact to be wrong in the meeting? They said that she didn't socialize with them and kept her nose up in the air. Then perhaps, what happened was evident. She didn't mix with the lower staff and chose to lock herself away in there, engrossed in meeting after meeting.

The question still remained though.

What happened to the sarcasm as everyone knew she was famous for?

Did it die?

"You killed it," she informed me, when we decided to move into the other room attached to her office, the one that contained a single cushioned sofa, a double cushioned one and a brown coffee table with a white board. When the big ones wanted to cozy up, they moved into that room most likely, to discuss big things that were too big to share with me.

"I killed it with my love?" my green lunch bag was rested on the table and we both sat on the double cushioned chair together. "How romantic."

"Your kind words spoken to me just now were quite romantic," she reminded me, carefully retrieving a bowl of baked beans and rice from her lunch bag. "Your little speech about breaking things up with me never being an option."

"It's true," tucking blonde hair behind my right ear, I slowly pushed my food around, eyes lowered.

"But I somehow got the feeling that you would have done it though."

"Really?" I studied her face.

She chewed slowly, rested her bowl upon the table and opened up our red paper towels. Then spreading one on my lap and hers, my bowl was handed to me and she took hers up, choosing to sit back comfortably instead of leaning towards the table. It was a sensible move and I really admired how her brain worked, trying to make me feel comfortable always.

"I felt as if you would have given up on me, as my mind recollects on a conversation we had before when I voiced the same worry."

"In a way, it crossed my mind. Because I remember telling mom on the phone that I didn't know what the hell to do. And I wanted to just walk away for a while."

"Which would have been a rather selfish move," she said softly, legs crossed and turning into the sofa to face me. The move was inviting enough. "Considering the fact that if you walked out on me, I would seek you out."

"And if you didn't find me?" I stared at her, my chest hurting a bit.

Regina blinked at her bowl, fork poised above it. "I really don't want to think like that, Emma." Her voice had grown so softer. "I know what heartbreak feels like and I'm not strong enough to live through another one. Believe me, you are really the only person I have truly been in love with. Daniel was my best friend and when he died, of course my heart broke then. But it mended. I had Mally and what we...played around with was an awakening without a sense of being seriously attracted to each other. I was never in love with Robin but it broke my heart because of my sister being involved. But with you..."

I watched her take a deep breath, as if feeling every single memory of me with every beat of her heart. "But with me..."

"I don't know, it's..." and she lowered her eyes, as they grew wet and softer, "...hard to explain right now."

"Hey," I rested my fork inside of the bowl upon my lap and reached out to take her left hand. Immediately, my fingers were taken and squeezed softly, gently. As if she was waiting on me to touch her. "I know how it feels. You don't have to explain anything to me, okay?"

I was given a nod. Lips bitten, the tears came so fast on her end, those eyes were squeezed shut.

"Really mushy today," she whispered, "I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Resting my bowl on the table, I drew nearer. My curled fingers tucked strands of dark hair behind her left ear and she moved into my touch. "You know that you don't have to hide anything when I'm here. Cry all you want. Do what makes you feel better. Tell me anything that you want and I promise that I'll comfort you in every way that I can. I promise. You know me. I'm the cuddly type."

I actually received a small smile as her eyes fluttered open, tears sticking to those eyelashes that made me gaze a little longer than usual.

"Hugs?" I smiled back and opened my arms, waiting. "Bring it in."

Another nod and the big, scary and sophisticated boss everyone was afraid of or detested, believing her to be snobbish, she slowly embraced me. Arms wrapping around my neck, and pressing our cheeks together in the most affectionate way possible. I didn't envy them. They could never have or feel what I did. I had her. She was everything to me, every single thing. The reason why I woke up and felt so revived every day. The way my afternoons seemed so exciting to get home and be with her. She made my life so much more worthy. And when we hugged, I felt as if nothing else could ever make me feel that way.

Nothing could connect with me like she did and capture my heart in a moment that felt so complete.

When she moved her face to the front, and our lips brushed together, I lost all sense of being at work. Mind turning upside down, my fingers reached up to run pathways through her choppy black hair as she kissed me. Slowly. Taking a hold of my shoulders and pulling me nearer. As near as possible. It was another moment of bliss that would always feel fresh. Heart racing and toes curling. The way she tilted our heads and parted my lips. Moving to my jawline and pressing kisses along there, then her warm breath kissing my neck. I was so lost for a full five minutes afterwards, my lunch was forgotten.

My appetite was gone. So deciding that I'd sneak my bowl out in the cubicle later on, when the hunger wave came back, that was the end of lunch for me. Well not really. There was the second kiss that lasted longer than the first. Just behind her door as I was about to turn the knob and head out. Regina turned me back and moved in, going in for another one that was much more passionate than the first and totally mind-blowing. Truth be told, my knees melted right there and then and she had to literally wrap her arms around me to keep us up.

"What would I do without you?" Her lips brushed my right earlobe as I finally opened the door slightly.

"Let's hope that we never have to think about that." was my goodbye. And I left, my neck obviously flushed, cheeks pink.

"Well look at you," Barbara said, when I moved by quietly. "Smitten. How was _lunch_?"

"Pretty good," I said, and bit my lips. And moving along fast enough, I did so to avoid any further conversation about what had happened. People were nosy. Everyone. And no matter what, you could never really trust anyone.

X

X

I couldn't believe the amount of drama that happened after Debra strode past the glass window, her footfalls heavy along the corridor later that day.

Larry and I both stared at each other and his eyes widened. Something was about to go down. I could sense it. Everyone could. If drama was about to happen in there, then people were always hopping to the scene like moths to a flame. So when he rose up and quietly approached the door, Javier did the same.

"Just in case there's a fight," he brandished his phone at me, suggesting the use of his camera. "Cat fight time, I bet."

"Fuck you!" Debra's voice rang through the air and poor Larry jumped back. "Piece of shit! I work my ass off -"

There was mumbling from a man, most definitely and I sprang up, darting to the door to join them. Something tumbled to the floor just as my head peeked out with the other two and I managed to catch our H.R manager struggling with a suit.

"I'll show you who's boss around here," she growled, reaching for his scrawny neck. "You think you can cut me down?"

In a flash, her grip tightened and she started to choke the life out of the robot of a man. It was unfair. Her size alone overpowering his strength. A struggle ensued as another employee stepped in, a burly guy from Accounts. But who the hell told him to intervene, I had no idea. It was the most stupid mistake ever because it appeared as if Debra turned on her Mrs. Trunchbull from Matilda.

One was swung left, pitching into the water cooler whilst the other held on and kicked but to no avail. Mister Burly, I believe his name was Carl Frank, he was kicked in the groin and sent sprawling on his back just in front of Barbara's desk that was thankfully empty.

The old lady would have had a field day with that kind of action!

Grunting, the beast of a woman unfolded herself and stood up straight, shoulders squared. If she was going to barge into Regina's office, then I'd call security right away, my heart beating so fast. But apparently, Regina wasn't her target and it surprised me. By then, a bunch of people were flocking to the scene and the corridor couldn't contain all of them. Eager faces surveyed the two fallen men and the suit seemed to be acting unconscious as I caught his eyes twitching. Good move, old boy. Good move, I thought to myself. Stay down or die.

"Debra, control yourself," Warner from the H.R department came forward now, braving the odds. He always reminded me of Snape from Harry Potter and I had my reasons. The guy had long locks of greasy black hair and a narrow face. His voice was so deep too. "Control yourself..."

 _Control your emotions. Discipline your mind, Potter,_ I thought to myself by the door, snorting.

"I'm taken for granted in here," she began her speech, staring around at everyone as if wanting to gain supporters. "Working my ass off and then they're going to tell me that they want to move me to another branch."

A bunch of ' **what'** s rang out and Larry sighed. "Best news ever," he muttered from beside me.

"They want to move me to some shitty branch in Arizona, just like that."

"What is happening here? My dears, clear the way, move aside please," came Mally's sexy voice from between the crowd, and I reared my head to capture the arrival of the big boss lady.

Dressed in a green pants suit that had jaws dropping to the floor, she stood there for all of us to see, quite calm as always, with her blonde hair curled up around narrow shoulders. Clutching a yellow folder, she considered Debra calmly.

"I don't need to talk to you. Of all people," the H.R manager huffed and puffed.

"Then I find it wise to consider two options," Mally actually smiled. "Either you return to your department like the respectful woman we hired to take the place as the Human Resource manager, or you leave. It's a pity if you choose the last option because I must say, that I'll be sad to see you go."

"Why do I have to move?"

"Because it is good for you. It is called a temporary assignment, in which you are going to spend a few weeks at the other branch, to mingle with the staff. After all, you are responsible for all personnel, aren't you?" her voice was like soft music, and I believed that she could talk a jumper out of jumping out a damn window.

"So it's not permanent then?" Debra stared, her eyes shifting from Mally to the other employees. "You're not moving me there as a final thing?"

"No, my dear. It is not." Mally's eyes flicked to the suit on the floor and Carl now pulling himself up. "This display of aggressiveness isn't pleasing, Debra. It isn't pleasing at all. I am frightened by your outburst."

"I had a right."

"You...had...a...right." Regina's voice originated from out of nowhere so fast, I nearly wet myself. Shit, that sounds too embarrassing.

Well of course Debra's countenance changed, and so did everyone. I felt the change in the air as they all began to mumble and groan, and somehow, the suit found his strength with her arrival, rising to his feet and shaking off the moment.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Regina kept distance between herself and the fuming H.R manager, dressed in my bronze leather jacket, black shirt, black skirt, stockings and knee high boots, "but you obviously misinterpreted the direct order given to you by a highly respected member of the Board. You then chose to seek him out," her right hand gestured to the beaten man, "and you abused him -"

"I did it because he had no right to speak to me the way he did," she glared at Regina and not the suit. "Coming to my desk and handing me a flaming cardboard box, telling me to start packing my things. Who the fuck do you think you are?" she bellowed, spit flying. "Handing me a fucking box!"

"That's enough!" Regina's order was enough to silence the murmuring and just for a few seconds, my heart. I stopped breathing because this side of her, the flaming brown eyes and definite anger; I had never seen her this way.

"He handed you a box and this is why you're behaving the way you are?" Mally calmly asked, pressing a palm upon her chest. "This is very disturbing." Her eyes met Regina's brown ones. "The last time someone handed me a box, I took it with a kind thank you and decided to pay a visit to the animal shelter. I adopted three kittens that day. Boxes remind me of cats and if not cats, a way of storing and packing. I never thought of boxes to remind people of bad things."

"There are wooden boxes," someone said from the crowd, "called coffins, boss."

"But the dead are at peace in them," she turned to consider who it was, with wide eyes. "Aren't they? If he handed you a box," she considered Debra again, "then you are supposed to take it and accept the fact that someone is kind enough to assist you in any way."

"I don't need assistance!" Debra was obviously as moved by the change in conversation, about discussing boxes and coffins, as I was. "I am fully capable of handling things on my own. And it was the way he gave me the box. Shoving it -"

"I did not shove it!" The suit defended himself, staring in disbelief.

"Well shove it now," Debra spun around on him, "up your ass."

"And whilst he does that," Regina's voice was laced with all bitterness, dangerously low, "I'm ordering you to get that same box, and start packing what belongs to you on your desk, into that box. Because after good enough reason, you have stepped out of line too many times."

"You can't -"

"You're fired," Regina cut her off neatly, "dismissed with immediate notice. And don't expect to get any kind of reference from either Mally or myself. I don't lend assistance to arrogant and disrespectful people."

"Fuck you!" Debra cried, and she made an attempt to advance on Regina but Larry and like three other guys rushed forward. "You're a self-conceited bitch who thinks that she knows everything."

"Glad to know that you have something to add to your little speech about me in that meeting I was absent from," Regina smiled back, like sweet poison. "It's comforting to know that you're bruised that I don't socialize with you."

"Fuck you, you scornful lesbian," Debra still carried on, even as security was taking a hold of her.

"You wish," Regina told her, and someone snorted.

I watched her walk back to that office and thought to myself, 'what a woman'. What an astounding woman of substance, of power and sophistication. Of all things sexy and kinky, with her back stiff as a poker and those high heeled boots. Leather and silk shirts. Black stockings. She was a Goddess. My Goddess and I was so in love with her, in that moment, when she pushed her door open and went inside, I was like a little fangirl. Squealing inside and waving a little flag with her name on it.

REGINA plastered across my beating heart.

X

X

I remembered getting the text at five, that she'd meet me downstairs in the lobby in half an hour.

Packing my things up already, it was decided on my part that I'd continue, sit there for the remaining time and check out Yahoo News. The day had been so eventful, hadn't it? From one thing to the other. Showing up at work on me like that, then those stolen kisses behind closed doors and then the big showdown when she wowed me and practically all of those losers out there in their respectful departments. I was ready to have her to myself at home.

I wanted to tell her how she was so amazing and stunning out there.

"Superwoman," Javier said, moving to the door and smiling at me, "that's her new name now. Superwoman Mills."

"I like Bad Ass MIlls," Justin said, leaning against Larry's desk as the two of them talked about something. "But Superwoman Mills is perfecto."

"Emma's superwoman," Javier told me before leaving for the day.

His words rang in my ears, even as I rode down the elevator by myself, completely lost in a daydream. It was one that consisted of everything about her as usual. The way her composure trembled in the office earlier and she wanted to cry. Sitting there and watch her crumble in front of me, and knowing that it was all about the way she felt. How strong it was, and how at times, we really couldn't explain what we felt. But I loved her when she was mushy. I absolutely loved it. Most times with me, she was. And the other times when the walls would be up, I'd break them down anyway, gradually.

When the elevator doors whispered open, I stepped out, holding onto my backpack straps, shoulders hunched as I walked. And from the time Butch's figure came into view, and his voice filled the lobby, I knew that he was trouble. No Taylor Swift references. This is some serious business. Later, maybe.

So I rolled out there, and stiffened up.

"Well it is so sad that you think that way," Regina was saying, clutching her brown handbag strap and standing there looking sexy as hell. "Here was I believing that after her outburst, you'd find it it rather alarming to say the least -"

"You had no right to fire her."

"I had every right," she replied stiffly.

"Just because you have the authority, you use it."

"I had reasons as well."

Butch shook his head and glanced away. "You women always believe that you could run things. In every single place you go. Always believing that you have so much power over everyone else -"

"But I do have power over you, Butch," Regina smiled sweetly, "I am your boss, remember?"

"Women are nothing but a minority when it comes to running things," he had the guts to say, "you're all wannabees and maybes and fuck ups." He was growing flustered by the second and I was watching him closely. "Even a dyke like you don't know what a man is anyway."

"You're out of line," Regina warned him, her chest heaving.

"Bet your ex-husband wasn't tough enough anyway. So you had to turn to a woman -"

"Hey! Cut it out!" I rushed in, my heart hammering inside my chest. I pointed at him, glaring. "Cut it out now and walk away."

"The little girlfriend comes in to save the day," he smiled at me. "I really don't care what the hell you have to say right now."

"Well you should care what she has to say because her words are significant to me," Regina hit him hard with, "whether you like it or not, I am the way I am and it is my life, not yours to judge. So I suggest that you walk away right now before I take severe action on your part. And believe me, walking out of here in Debra's shoes; it isn't a rosy path to take."

"I'll show you."

It happened so fast, I don't even know how my adrenaline kicked in that way. But from the instant he advanced on her, as burly as he was, I rushed forward and shoved all my weight onto him. He was going to hit her or something, that much I picked up by instinct and when I placed myself in between the two of them and had him that close, you can just imagine the rage that flew into me. My fist connected with his jaw.

For a man of his weight and waste of space, he staggered backwards, feeling his bruised face. Good. He tasted blood from the looks of it and when his animal side kicked in, growling at me, Butch charged like a bulldog. If it was one thing my dad taught me oh so well was to defend myself because he was a cop. So I saw him coming and measured his movement. And just as he swung out, I ducked low, waited on him to react to the miss and I swung my freaking right foot upwards.

After my shoe connected with his groin, he doubled over and fell backwards. By that time, security had come. Where the hell they had been all the time, I had no idea but like I said to her earlier, things happened for a reason. I was allowed to display my fighting skills.

When I turned to consider her standing there, she was staring at me in disbelief, eyes wide, chest heaving and lips parted.

"Are you okay?" I was breathless still, smiling at her and feeling full of myself.

By then a couple people were staring, gathered around and whispering. And Regina stunned me by closing the distance between us. Cutting my breath so much more, she snatched my shoulders, pulled me in and crushed her lips onto mine. Kissing me hard and swinging my head for the third time that day. When she pulled away, it was my turn to stare.

"What was that for?" I asked stupidly.

Chest heaving still, she held my face between her palms. "For being my savior. For saving me. No one has ever done that for me. You're...everything...to me." Her voice was a whisper. "I love you...so...much."

"Well you know," I tried to play it cool, squaring my shoulders and puffing out my chest, "I was trying not to be a show off, so I kind of toned down the superhero stuff."

"Idiot," my right arm was snatched and she yanked me after her.

"But I'm your idiot," I said, following her and smiling. "Right?"

Regina chuckled, and tugged me in line with her, wrapping an arm around my waist. "Yes. You're my idiot."


	30. Inside The Mysterious Box

**Excerpt** :

" ** _Oh! Can I be the Best Man, or the Man of Honor when you two get married?" he seemed so exasperated now. Probably his eyes were shining too. "Please. Say yes. Say it."_**

" ** _I don't -"_**

" ** _Say it. Say it. Say it." His chanting reminded me of how ridiculously childish he was. "Sayy itt," Chad sung._**

* * *

Funny how a year flies by, isn't it?

One moment you're considering your prospected life ahead and then suddenly, it dawns upon your aging mind that time has passed. Months have gone by. You've been working a little longer at the same job and the calenders are being changed. A fresh coat of paint is being rolled over the walls at Dazzle. Dark green like mom's favorite watermelon candy. Everyone is sweeping through different hairstyles and clothes. And I'm still me.

Suddenly, I realized that I had been dating her for almost three years. And when did I realize this? How did this come up by chance? I don't know if you remember this, but that same night when I had picked her up from the airport, I had been working on a itinerary in that fantastic month of June.

Where she needed to be, what calls she needed to take. Her appointments. Which visitors were coming in and could fit themselves in. When she shuffled every single item around and smirked at me. Tossing away my calender dotted with sexy women. Never replacing it since then. Never. And now it was three years down the line and there I was, sitting at the table within the apartment, on my laptop and all by myself.

I remembered when I used to be alone in my own apartment. The times when I'd push that door and drag my feet in there, tossing that backpack anywhere. Throwing my keys down anywhere and going through hell to find them the next day. Shrugging my work clothes off and getting into the shower. Collapsing on my bed. Reading. Then sleeping. The habitual stuff a loner did. The single life with three guy friends who studied their asses off and partied on the weekends hardcore.

But now it was so different, wasn't it?

Living with someone, being with this other person and having them to come home to. Knowing that you never went to bed alone until something came up. Like when she had to take trips to visit the other offices. Absence really did make the heart grow fonder and I couldn't believe how you could actually remain in love with someone for so long. Because I never had that feeling. I never knew what it was like to be with this person who catered for my needs and wanted to do anything possible to make me happy. I was never with someone who wanted to change things around, just so that I could feel comfortable.

Now the apartment was empty because she was in Arizona for a few days, close to two weeks. On a trip to rearrange positions and such and such. To make renovations on the office and see that everything was in a considerate state. That's what her new position entailed. She was branch manager now for the entire USA, meaning that it was her job to oversee every office in that district. And she was also made a Director, a partner and a head manager. Way up from being just a Vice President.

Which meant that she had to travel a lot now. For a day or two. Kissing me goodbye and connecting our phones from the time her leather boots stepped into the awaiting car outside. We'd talk all the time, sometimes I wondered how the hell topics never grew scarce. From one thing to the next. Putting me on hold to speak to someone else and then coming back on with a 'hi, I missed you' every single time. It was so perfect, wasn't it? What we had was so golden and what most people longed for. But it didn't come easily.

There were times when I'd suddenly stop messaging her because the distance would take a toll on me. Like in the nights when she was more than ten miles away and there I was, curled up on the bed, staring at her pillow. I felt it, you know? I felt that dull aching inside of my chest and the tears came so suddenly. Somehow the nights seemed longer and even trying to read didn't take the pain away. It was the actuality of what distance could do to two people who were in love. Feeling the distance and knowing that she was there but I couldn't hold her. I couldn't kiss her or smell that amazing perfume.

Four days.

That's how long it had been that time. Sitting at the table and staring at my laptop screen. Trying to watch an episode of Reign. Trying to focus on something else to pass the time on my day off. Wishing that I had to work because if I had to, then my mind would be more occupied. I wouldn't have to sit around the apartment and have my eyes rest on her things. Everything inside there reminded me of her. Every single thing. And no matter what, Regina's smell still lingered, chasing me everywhere I went. I brought out one of her work jackets, a black tailored one that forever smelled like White Diamond, and it was curled up on the bed.

Her brown eyes, fluttering above me as I woke up. I missed that so much. I missed the smell of coffee, bacon and eggs. I missed the way she stood by the kitchen sink and washed the lettuces, carrots and sweet peppers. Graceful fingers working. Her back as stiff as a poker. Legs crossed at the ankles and head tilted with Taylor Swift playing from her laptop. When girls used to dream of their Prince Charmings and mom used to rub my head, trying to put those same ideas inside that little mind of mine, I ended up envisioning someone else.

It was always her.

A woman.

Somehow I would be lingering near the priest under an archway wounded with red and yellow roses. Sweaty fingers linked behind my back. Dressed in a black tuxedo with shiny shoes. A nice yellow bow tie because I used to look so sexy when daddy fitted a few of his around my neck. I'd be so nervous, probably pacing that stretch of space in front of a small congregation and then there would be a swirl of activity just at the back of those heads turned my way. Suddenly, everyone would rear their necks to catch a glimpse of what was occurring whilst I...I would have a nest of butterflies disturbed inside my chest. Chasing each other. A tennis ball squeezed down my throat.

Our eyes would meet and time would stop.

I sat there, staring at my laptop screen, face propped upon my left palm. Because of the flustering weather, driving in more heat than expected in June, I had slipped into a navy blue tank top and a pair of black shorts. Feet bare and curled up under me. The red, lace blinds that hung by the glass doors leading out to the balcony didn't even flutter. No wind was sweeping and swirling around New York. Oh how I ached for a storm, a thunderous one with cold breeze and rain that lashed on the windows with a vengeance. But none of that had come in a while. So I had to sit there and feel myself grow gradually sticky from the heat.

**Guess what I'm doing...**

Sending that message on WhatsApp was probably a good idea, considering the fact that my last few words had been **seen** close to an hour ago. I wasn't conflicted. Worry didn't cast a net over me. No. What came to mind was a simple lapse in time because she was on a call or busy with the office. Wrapping things up to get home that afternoon. Knowing that we'd be together in a matter of hours made the lapse in time seem so insignificant. And so I pushed my phone aside, hoping that I didn't come off as bothersome and too clingy.

"I like clingy," she had said a few months ago whilst chewing on juicy watermelon under a green gazebo near her favorite bookstore. "I love when you text me constantly. Saying so many random things. Growing deeper and deeper." She licked the corner of her mouth and reached for a tissue, pinching it up, all eyes on me.

"Don't lie." I studied her face, perfect honey colored skin tone. "I know I'm annoying most times."

"No, you don't understand me directly." Eyes lowered, she sought out her phone and held the slice of watermelon up like a tilted smile. "I need...no I savor every word you say. Caught up in my busy work schedule, being surrounded by so much pressure and annoying scoundrels, your words make my heart flutter. Seeing that little...circle with the phone inside showing up in my notification bar. I immediately forget everything around me and unlock to read what you have said."

Hanging my head, I felt so mushy inside. We had moved from hours of no communication when separated to this. I called it progress.

**DON'T TOUCH YOURSELF WITHOUT ME. I PLEAD WITH YOU TO WAIT.**

Putting a smile on my face just like that. She still hadn't managed to cut out the all caps habit. It wasn't like shouting at me now. Somehow her bold letters made me feel...I don't know...special.

**BAD NEWS...I CAN'T LEAVE AS YET...**

Immediately I snatched up the phone and clicked the little phone button. And within a split of a second, we were connected.

"What happened?" my voice was steady and yet, my heart was racing because she was on the line. "Is it bad? Are you okay?"

"Fatiguing conference call in fifteen minutes. Which will last roughly two hours..." she sighed and I could hear her bangles jingling over the phone which meant one thing. She had lifted her hand to check the time. "Is it bad? Yes. I want to leave this awful place and be home with you. Hotel rooms are so dangerously contaminated."

"Aww, poor baby," I cooed, smiling a little and curling into the chair sideways, hugging the phone. "Then I guess you're not okay."

"Emma, there was a roach in the lobby. A...roach." She suddenly sounded out of breath and somehow I could detect the click of her heels upon the ground. She was walking. Walking going where, I had no idea but she wasn't in the office and it kind of worried me since there was the sound of traffic across the line too. "I wanted to complain to management but the food was superb so naturally...I brushed that under the mat."

"Just don't leave your suitcase open," I joked. "He might crawl in."

There was a gasp on the other end. A little gasp. And the clicking of her heels stopped. "What?" she whispered into the phone. "Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit."

Muffling my laughter behind a hand, I could already feel her mind working. "Don't worry, babe. I was kidding. He can't climb stairs that easily. Plus you have those insecticide balls...thingies inside of your suitcase. Remember? The scent keeps them away. So you're safe."

She sighed and inhaled deeply. I could literally see her pinching her forehead, eyes fluttering close. "Right. I'll pay you back for this. For placing fear inside of my aching head."

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to...I should stop with the roach jokes. I know you don't like them. Ugh." Feeling bad already, my chest ached.

"I don't. Don't apologize to me. It's fine. Are we ordering in Chinese or Indian food tonight?"

Change of topic. I liked it. "I was thinking more like a burger and fries? But I can order anything else for you..."

"A burger is fine," she agreed. "Veggie with no mayo."

"Fries too?" I wiped the edge of my laptop absentmindedly.

"I'd rather steal yours." She chuckled within her throat. I laughed and the call ended.

Mom always had this saying back home and even up to the present time, that the Food Network could really motivate you to do the impossible. Cooking up something that had been broadcast. Digging through the kitchen drawers and shelves to find what was required. Realizing that at least three ingredients were absent and trying to find substitutes for them all. Luckily, lasagna wasn't that hard to focus on because she basically had every single item due to her own little specialty in making the same thing as well. But where her focus was mainly on veggies and veggies alone, I was mischievous enough to add sausages and extra cheese.

It took me a good amount of time to actually get it right because of the layers and the fact that I wasn't that good with cooking. I mean, how hard could it have been to add layers on top layers and spread the ingredients on? Not that easy either way since I was too much a klutz to function on my own fully. So by the time the entire thing was finished, stretching to about a foot long, my arms were aching. Totally worth the effort though, right? Knowing that it was all in preparation for her arrival back home.

Moving the table from outside on the balcony to inside since the sky was too overcast to risk an outdoorsy romantic meal. Feeling like a dude when I managed on my own just fine and fitted the two red cushioned chairs nicely on either side. A dark red tablecloth sprinkled with black stars that mom had presented us with sometime gone in June. The same month Regina and I had first met. Kind of like a 'meeting' anniversary. Plates, wine glasses and that apple scented candle she absolutely loved, placed in the middle.

I was oh so ready. I was going to do this the romantic way, go the extra mile since it wasn't something I usually did and dress up for her. A red satin skirt that hugged my thighs, reaching just about two inches above those weird looking knees of mine. Added to that I slipped into a black, long sleeved chiffon shirt that had these little red butterflies sprinkled all over the sleeves. Good to go. Knowing that it was just like any other special occasion when she came home but somehow this time something felt different. Extremely different. As if the atmosphere was changing, and all good things were in my favor that night.

Weird feeling, right? Knowing that the usual ups and downs of my emotions never invited too much hope but when the sensation did arrive, then I was prepared to welcome it regardless. I was going to play this out and watch what happened because what could possibly go wrong? Why would she even be the cause of anything bad occurring after all the things I had done and the fact that I actually made lasagna, her favorite dish?

The wine was out, a bottle of Le Pin, Pomerol, one of her favorites as well. Already gone halfway from the looks of it since Chad also shared her taste in wines. But nevertheless, it was chilled in ice and seated in the middle of the table. Dunno, but somehow I was high spirited. It happened. At times the feeling would come and I'd literally crash into a wall from my energy surge. Then this bout of depression would kick in. A sense of feeling drained. Empty. Somehow losing interest in things that were unfolding around me.

Candles.

Where were her red candles? The ones that a friend from Spain had presented her last Christmas. I quickly pawed around in the wardrobe where the hand towels and sheets were neatly folded, and for some odd reason, my eyes were lifted to check out that top shelf. The famous top shelf. That space about two feet wide that housed the pillow cases and for a gut wrenching period in time, something else. A box. A little box that was red and yellow and contained something that had sent my heart racing down a track like a freight train.

Of course said box wasn't there when my bold fingers stretched around up there. Nothing was there but spaces between those heaps of cases. More spaces and less thrills. Huffing out a sigh, I decided to accept defeat and it was then when a chain of events began to unfold that would change the course of my life forever.

I remember specifically collapsing on the bed and reaching for my Kindle. Whether it was my intention to check if the device was turned off or not, more than likely that led me to read about three pages from Beautiful Creatures. Then whilst I was drowning between the lines as Ethan Wate discovered Lena had addressed him as her boyfriend, there was the sound of the alarm being disabled.

Honestly, I don't know what the hell happened to me in that moment. Maybe it was the excitement in the novel, the thrill of having magic sizzling the lines and events. But I jumped up, and had this weird thought that something magically deranged had done harm to the alarm.

Eyes huge most obviously, my footsteps led me to the bedroom door and I gripped the frame with shaky hands. Slowly edging my face inch by inch to peer outside. Knowing that if there was a witch out there or a burglar, then one swing of a gun or a knife would send me crashing to the damn floor. How stupid was I, really? The guys had taught me defensive moves, all because I lived on my own for a period of time and New York wasn't entirely safe.

But no. Oh good God, Emma. Go on. Go on and square your shoulders, man up and strut out there without a freaking thing in your hand to use as a weapon. That I did. I strode out there and heard the jingle of keys. The smell of her White Diamond perfume hit me like a wave rolling onto the shore and like a surfer, unprepared, I ended up choking on her sudden appearance.

"Emma, you look as if you've seen a ghost!" she stared at me, brown eyes wide.

I couldn't move because you know, building up your body for a situation...it takes time to kind of shut it down afterwards.

"I forgot the candles."

Don't know how that came out but it did and probably it was like a stale thought inside my head, on that backup drive. Which most likely meant that my brain was restoring itself to default settings or something.

"What...candles?" Head tilted sideways, she studied my face, and took one step forward. Her gaze swept the area behind me.

Another step was taken and by that time, we were inches apart from each other. Inches. Have you ever been inches apart from the one person who flushed certain parts of your body and flipped the power off that worked your lungs?

"Welcome back," I sounded like a beat up truck that was fighting to start up.

"Dear, what did you..."

She was speechless after that, slowly stepping towards the table and gazing at the layout. My layout. Then when those brown eyes latched onto me once more, a full body roam was conducted.

I'm telling you, if a woman as hot as her ever did the eye roam on a person like you, it was like a furnace was being ignited inside. My cheeks were probably glowing. Standing there, I awkwardly felt as if I was a little kitten puffing out her chest to please the potential human who would adopt me. And all that time, she sent me this look as if I was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen in her entire life. Red lips parted. Chest heaving. Dressed in a black pencil skirt with a purple long sleeve silk shirt and black stockings.

"Oh Emma." Her expression was enough to drive me into raptures.

By just saying my name like that, by just sounding so breathless, she managed to weaken my knees. I was literally falling second after second. Knowing that she really appreciated the preparations and everything.

"You look…absolutely…stunning." Arms wrapping around me, I really felt at home again. As always when she'd come back home. Feeling her warmth and inhaling that sweet perfume. The way her body trembled against mine. Burying her face into my neck that was growing warmer and warmer. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, bae." My throat was aching.

She laughed within her throat and sniffed. Our embrace grew tighter. "So it's bae now? How cute. I prefer…baby or babe."

I preferred 'sex kitten' or 'madam Mills' or 'fucking sexy goddess' but those were just mentally stored and used whenever the naughtiness inside of me began. Which was pretty much often because of my constant need to wander into the danger zone. The part of my mind where I oftentimes tied her wrists to the bedpost and climbed on top. Grinding my hips sensually as 50 Cent 'Right There' played on the iPod system. You know, trailing my fingertip along her naked body, between those honey colored breasts whilst she mewled in delight. Twisting on the sheet.

"Emma."

Biting her lips and moaning.

"Em-ma.' Her fingers clicked in front of my face, whilst I remained dazed and dancing on top of her in that beautiful daydream. "Helloo. Dear."

"Fluffy handcuffs," I whispered, eyes probably wide as saucers, thinking back on it now.

She stared at me. "Quite suggestive, this early in the evening." Her head was tilted. "Don't you think so?"

"As if we even own a pair," I laughed nervously, drifting back into the room and making my way to the table.

The red candles were flickering due to the wind slipping through the slits on the glass doors leading outside. Seemed like a storm was coming indeed. And hopefully, we'd be naked in bed by the time the rain began to hit the windows. Oh my goodness, gracious. It appeared as if my hormones were slipping downhill and the crash was anticipated oh so frightfully.

"I do own a pair. Hidden from your prying eyes, of course." Pinching off her black leather gloves, she smiled. "Pink, fluffy ones that would torment your wicked soul."

"You probably have a toy chest hidden away somewhere, don't you?" I was trying to help her out of that chocolate brown trench coat but she waved my gesture off.

"Maybe."

Resting the gloves upon the table neatly, she proceeded to push those well manicured hands into the side pockets of the coat that was lined inside with the softest fur ever. Most times I hated the coat because of my sensitivity to animals and stuff. But since she made us look up the brand online and proved to me that the fur wasn't really from those poor kitties who mewed for milk and wanted fingers to scratch behind theirs, that the fur was fake, I accepted it. Kinda.

"I missed you so much." Wrapping my arms around her again, there was this huge smile on my blushing faces as we embraced again. "Words on a screen are so painful sometimes."

"Really?" The feel of her fingernails driving pathways through my blonde hair was epic. "I thought sexting you occasionally was stimulating. I must admit that you've almost sold me out to a room crammed with staff several times."

"With what?" I pulled out her chair and she slowly lowered herself, obviously tired and feeling like a sack of potatoes after a long day. Strange. There was a slight bruise at the back of her neck, flushing perfect honey colored skin.

"Your one liners on what you wish to...do to me...in a manner of speaking," When I swept her dark, shoulder length hair aside neatly and studied the bruise further, by reflex she reached a hand to the back of her neck. "Is it that bad?" Our eyes met, worry showing in those brown ones.

"What happened there?" I was worried more than expected.

Regina rolled those brown orbs and inhaled deeply, turning to face the table again. "Good to know that you have no recollection of your vampire mode the last time we made love."

Fuck. I stared her neck and remembered how tipsy the wine had me. To a point where the room was turned upside down and we were making out on a bed attached to the ceiling. Which was fucked up at the time but oh so exciting to my demented mind. I remembered laughing and getting in between those legs whilst she played hard to get. Putting up a fight and her hoarse laughter filling the bedroom. But the hickey?

"What was I...doing?" I swallowed hard, the tip of my feet slipping off that icy slope.

"Sucking on my neck like a bat, you twat," she groaned and squared her shoulders. "You have no idea how many stares I have had to cope with since then. My hair is too layered to completely conceal my neck so..." As she inhaled deeply, I circled her chair and reached for the wine, chilled to the touch. "Naturally they made up their own sexual ideas of what my bedroom tales must be like. I must warn you though." Her finger was pointed at me, as she scowled, "if it happens again, I shall print one of these...sexual marks on your jaw." Suddenly I was smirked at. She winked. "Just for kicks."

She wouldn't dare.

Envisioning the wicked grins from the three Stooges was a nightmare. Knowing that they wouldn't hesitate to torment the living soul out of me, around every corner. Because for some odd reason, I had managed to befriend three guys who absolutely craved lesbian action. Especially Neal. He had become such a nuisance those months after that whispered conversation that was shared with Regina in the park. What should have developed into a full fledge war between those two, blossomed into a mutual agreement of some sorts.

One would enter the room and smirk at the other, whilst the latter would wink and show a thumbs up sign.

Whatever that meant to either of them, somehow the secretive sign language worked wonders. Oftentimes when we hung out together, not only Killian's company would be sought out. But her brown fancy coat would slide by the corner of my eyes as she cozied up to Neal in a corner to discuss the economy or the stock exchange. Apparently he shared her interests in the economical sense. Discussing their portfolios for hours on end and the rise and fall of currencies. The minute they brought up the oil market, I slipped away to join Will who was smitten over Ashley Riley, a very shy blonde girl around the age of twenty who was an electrical engineer major.

"Oh pour me my wine and stop daydreaming about us two naked in bed," she fussed, swatting my right arm and scowling. I turned to miraculously stare at her, wondering how in tune we were, that even my thoughts were that easily detected. "The weather is fine for making love, isn't it? I sense a raging storm coming in from the north."

"It's going to end down south definitely," I smartly said, smiling to myself as her glass was filled.

When Regina snorted, it was like she had somehow poked me in my ribs. Unearthing a fit of giggles that tipped the bottle a little too much and mom's red tablecloth with the black stars was sprinkled with expensive liquid. That was it. That was the one part I absolutely adored about her. A sense of humor. Always craving for that in a potential love interest because my constant jokey side couldn't be muffled. I was born a joker, dad used to say over and over again. A joker who knew well enough how to keep the crowd in a room in a pleasant mood.

"Mmmm," her fork was poised in midair as my lasagna was sampled. Chewing slowly, her eyelashes fluttered as those captivating brown eyes were closed. "Emma, this is...so tasty. Who knew you had it in you?"

"Mom always said that I was born to be a good cook. It would just take a little pressure to bring it out of me." I took a sip from my glass and tasted the beauty of her favorite wine. "See, her side of the family has a talent for cooking."

"Well it's finally rearing its head now," she smiled warmly. "And your father's side? I suppose David is good at solving challenging situations since he's ultimately an excellent officer of the law?"

It took me a while to reply because I too was thrilled and totally absorbed in my own tasty meal. "I got my animal loving side from his family. He comes from a long line of cattle ranches, farms, which means plenty of sheep, cows and horses. And cats." I pointed my fork at her for emphasis. "Can't forget the cats."

"Your daddy's a cat lover," she suddenly drawled in a southern accent. "Just as you are, darling."

"Regina, that sounds so fucking sexy but so naughty," I knew my cheeks were flushed suddenly. Could she be less suggestive to shut down my hormonal slide?

"I've been thinking about daddy's farm and what he left me a lot lately," she carefully cut her lasagna and the precision was perfect. "I've been thinking about our future and it's something I have always wanted but my fast paced life somehow strayed me away from my kind of fairytale ending."

"And what's that?" I helped myself to another cut of lasagna and studied the sudden flame in her brown eyes. Seeing the passion. Knowing that this meant so much to her, whatever it was.

"I have always been an Austen girl, as you are already aware of. The beauty of country life. Growing up around such serenity and simple thrills derived from nature itself. I've always yearned for a life where a flower's...scent would drive me into raptures on a warm, sunny day whilst I'm sitting under the shade of a huge tree. Enjoying a picnic with my beloved."

"Whilst a chocolate stallion rests not so far away, dipping her head as the wind caresses her mane," I continued with a smile. Our eyes met. She gazed at me so deeply that the very essence of the moment took my breath away.

"Yes." Her whisper was so toe curling, I had forgotten to rest my fork down. "Mally says that it is simply grand that I can share my simplest dreams with you, my desires that evaporate all sophistication and leaves the vulnerable me in your presence. And yet...yet when I am in my most stubborn mood or I am entirely a bitch, you never choose to disapprove. I am left to…be who I wish to be."

"Because I fell in love with the woman you are without your money or your position in a fashion magazine," I pointed out, or rather, I hoped that it was a reminder to her. "The day we first met, and our eyes met, I really didn't know who the hell you were but one thing was certain." She was listening intently. "I remembered thinking, geez, and people say that you mustn't believe in love at first sight. Meeting someone across a room...or in our case...in an airport and falling in love. From that moment, I knew that I had to get something more from you."

"Did it frighten you…that I was your boss?" she purposely avoided my gaze and lowered her attention to the fork cutting more lasagna neatly.

"Not as much as I expected it to," I confessed. Somehow we always managed to return to that first encounter and still, those fresh takes on what transpired in our hearts and minds were things to savor.

"What...frightens you in relation to me?" she chewed slowly, still avoiding my gaze.

Losing you, I wanted to blurt out. But what good would that achieve in a situation like this? No candles but still a romantic dinner, with wine and my cooking that had pleased her. It was a perfect scene, especially if the occasional brush of our shoes were added in for thrills. And to put such a damper on things that had already been set so nicely into motion would kill the mood. So I decided to opt for the only other thing that sends girls into a fit of nervousness and anxiety when thought about. The one thing most girls yearn for and dreamt of at some point.

"A marriage proposal," I said breathlessly and regretted the structure of the confession the second everything had escaped through my lips.

She stared at me.

"I mean, not the actual thought of us getting married," a nervous laugh followed on my part. "But the way it would happen. Like who would propose? Where would it take place? What would I be wearing? What would you be wearing? Where would we be? I think I said that last part already." I was beginning to ramble away without realizing it and that signaled one thing, something she obviously was quite aware of from the inception. My nervousness was genuine in all respects.

"So it's not frightening in a...I dunno," I shrugged, "in a scary, 'I'll scream and die' way. But it's kind of...it makes me start to get all nervous and stuff. Like right now." I offered her a crooked smile and still was on the receiving end of a stare.

Why was she looking at me like that? As if her attention had been focused on a ghost or a snake sprouting forty heads? The actuality of my words weren't that big a deal to me because I was comfortable enough to confess anything to her. That one person that you could be completely honest with about anything, even when your boobs grew so tender during a certain time of the month. Or I needed to shave my legs and felt like a cave being, dreading when she wanted to touch me. Stuff like that.

But this?

"Did I say something bad?" my voice was softer, throat aching already. Resting the fork upon the table slowly, I studied a face that was hard to read. Strange as it sounds, even up to that point when her silence stretched on, it didn't spark up any raw emotion inside of me.

"Just for a moment you..." a flick of her right wrist showed that it was ridiculous. "Well, something came to mind. That's all. As if we were somehow in sync with our thoughts."

"It always happens," I pointed out, feeling relieved at the simplicity of her confession.

"What always happens?" she sent me this dazed look as if her mind was still outside the apartment.

"You... And me," I said slowly, maintaining eye contact. "Reading each other's minds. It happens often." I frowned. "Where did your mind go?"

I was stared at. A few seconds slid by.

"I...uh...Where did..." she blinked and it was the first time since we'd known each other that Regina actually stumbled on her words. "Where did we...I'm sorry," her voice was suddenly unsteady and there was a slight blush creeping onto those honey colored cheeks. I was suddenly amazed and alarmed at the same time. "Forgive me but I slipped for a moment."

"Regina?" I held my breath and couldn't tear my eyes away from her. "What's happening?"

"It's...nothing," she whispered. And suddenly, without sparing a second, her napkin was pinched up with a shaky grasp. Pressing it to her lips, she avoided my eyes and rose up. I did too. Staring most obviously. "I need to use the washroom." And with that said in a haste, the heels of her boots clicked on the tiled floors as she left me dumbfounded.

One moment that sat me right there in my chair and I felt so confused, my food was forgotten of. Staring at my plate with a mouthful of lasagna left, the smell of the wine swirling around in the air and still her perfume chased every hint of it away after some time. Knowing that her hasty departure was unnerving to say the least and something wasn't quite right about the sudden change in behavior. My hopes of this being such an amazing welcome back, romantic dinner that led to possible mind blowing sex was slipping away.

What did I do?

What did I say?

Marriage.

That's it, wasn't it? She was afraid of marrying me? Of the thought of us sealing the deal? No, Emma. Oh God no. With the shake of my head, I tried as hard as possible to shake the paranoia away. After we had come this far, through some rough patches that tested our relationship. Ending up here where every second spent away from her made me fall deeper in love all over again. And every second of my spare time, I no longer saw just a future with her but with many details colored in.

She was talking about the ranch in Texas, about how her dreams always drifted to a sunny day spent under a tree with the love of her life. Her father's ranch. A place her heart raced back to. The same place where we made love in that bathroom and I twisted her around under the sheets that evening when we muffled our cries from pleasure. Wet hair. The way she had trembled under me, over and over again. A simple house out in the country with her favorite horse and well...hope. Hope attached to a future.

I wanted a future with her so badly, it didn't take any kind of effort to imagine that anymore. What used to seem like a quest to happiness was now a toe curling feeling that lasted without any fears.

Deciding to step out onto the small balcony overlooking a slice of New York City was a good move. Or so it seemed as the chain of events unfolded bit by bit. Standing there and gripping the concrete railing, I gazed out and tried to count the floors on a random sky scraper in the distance. Nearly fifty and a horn blaring below distracted my count. Then again, the gusts of wind blowing in was enough to chase any thoughts away in a jiffy.

For so long I stood out there, or so it seemed and still she did not come outside to join me. I counted the minutes...ten...fifteen...twenty and still nothing. Should I venture in to check on her? It would seem that based on my gut feeling, somehow she needed space for an odd reason even I couldn't understand. Leaving her alone would be best at that point, my mind assured me. My heart was slowly slipping into its normal rhythm as I fixated a direct gaze on the zigzag of lightening above. Thunder. More thunder and then a whip of wind that snatched the ends of coats and tugged people along. A baby began to wail.

The choir of mews that filled the air suddenly jerked me out of my trance-like state that came with stormy weather. Checking my phone, I was a bit surprised to see Chad's number showing up at that time. It was after eight already.

"Guess who just called to ask me if I can please tell her mother that she's pregnant?" the sarcasm in his tone wasn't that bitter because as usual, Chad was all fun and jokes until his eyes filled up with tears. Only then did I really worry after him. To see any grown man cry was something that always affected me.

"Kate Middleton," I joked, allowing the obvious hint to sink in.

"No, you douche."

"Lady Gaga." Shoulders hunched, I huddled over the railing and began to feel chilly.

"Oh the gift of this world when that happens. If she calls me," he sighed dramatically. "I'm talking about Kay though."

"I know you're talking about her," I inhaled deeply and suddenly wondered why she still found it necessary to keep distance between her and her own mother. "So is she really pregnant?"

"Eeew right?" he gagged on the other end. "Not that I don't want her to have a kid but they just got married for crying out loud." He sounded totally unnerved by the whole ordeal. "Get a few years in to enjoy married life without the kiddies first. Go clubbing. That kind of thing. I sense that she's eager to begin a family to prove a point but I wouldn't elaborate."

"Didn't you tell her to call Regina herself or something?" The wind howled like a caged animal.

"I mean it's only fair right?" he agreed. "After avoiding mom for so long, I'd say that would be fair. But noo. She doesn't want to talk to the most amazing mom in the world. Ungrateful bitch she is. What in the world did mom ever do to her?"

"I wonder if this all leads back to me," I suddenly found myself thinking out loud.

"What do you mean?"

I told him about my suspicions on me being a sudden disappointment to Kay and her grandmother and whoever else bothered to be affected by it all. Being with someone who was half her age. Regina wasn't exactly a lady of the hour to them. Nor the media. The tabloids never ceased to chase our private life around with their three inch by three inch articles. All the nonsensical lies and constant tidbits on tales that weren't even experienced by us, but merely composed from figments of these rude reporters. Like our escapades into Europe.

We hadn't even been there for crying out loud.

"I guess it's only natural for Cora and Kay to hate you. I mean, you're stealing their spotlight," he finally added, the sound of traffic rolling by on his end. "Think about it this way, she's not only a mom or a daughter now. She's also someone's girlfriend and most of the time, if I am allowed to add..." his tone was rising, "she's always talking about you. Oh Emma this and Emma that. Emma's favorite color is yellow. Emma. Emma. Emma. Yadda yadda yadda."

"Chad," I smiled, curling my fingers over the railing and absentmindedly staring at them, "shut up."

"Oh! Can I be the Best Man, or the Man of Honor when you two get married?" he seemed so exasperated now. Probably his eyes were shining too. "Please. Say yes. Say it."

"I don't -"

"Say it. Say it. Say it." His chanting reminded me of how ridiculously childish he was. "Sayy itt," Chad sung.

"How are you so sure that we'll get married?" I couldn't help but remember the little confusing drama merely minutes ago within the apartment.

He gasped as if something unbelievable had been uttered by me. "It's like the one thing she wants above anything else. Marrying you and making it official."

"Sometimes I doubt that." My spirits were falling but hopefully he could somehow restore my mood, chasing away all paranoia.

I should have figured out by then that Chad had all the intelligence required to be fully aware of 'the ring'. He had to have known because they were close buddies, the kind of relationship cool mothers had with their sons. Telling each other stuff over the phone or whilst having cocktails at the Gravity Lounge. Discussing various oddities in life whilst reveling in a comfort zone the two of them shared from the time he was born. If it wasn't Killian she was confiding in, then it was Chad or Mally and when certain topics were discussed in secrecy, I could only rely on one justification to muffle all suspicious.

They were discussing me.

When I related to him, the tale of the disappearing ring, and how the box had been found in her jacket, he didn't seem the least bit surprised. But the element of excitement was still present. Knowing that discussions between them had developed into actual activity where she not only soaked up his advice but acted on things said. He seemed to swell with pride, and I could literally envision his chest puffing out on the other end.

"I kind of feel...I dunno...a bit weird though. Like, I always dreamed of proposing to her. Not the other way around." The rattle of the colored beads hanging by the glass door behind me startled my senses a bit. But it wasn't her.

"The richer one always proposes," he declared as if it was a universal truth. "I've seen it always in Lifetime movies."

"First of all, I don't think it has anything to do with being rich. I think it has to do with -"

"Authority."

"Noo," I disagreed. "It's nothing like that."

"Because she's older..."

"You don't get it -"

"Because she's older, richer, wears the heels. She's a billionaire."

"Chad, you just don't..." I sighed, pinching my forehead, eyes closed. "Okay, it's like this. There comes a time when you just feel that things should be different. Yeah she's all that. She's rich. She's older. And that's exactly why it should be different. For a change, I'd like to propose to her."

"Well...doo youu have a ring?" he asked. Killian's voice could be heard in the background. I was so sure of it.

"I...don't -"

"Yo sweet cheeks," he interrupted our conversation, obviously addressing the love of his life, "rest the food in front of me for a change."

"Bugger off," came my friend's crossed reply.

"Sorry about that," Chad came back to what we were saying once more. "So no ring, no big deal. She has one. Just...be patient."

"I could buy one."

"For fucking what?" his mood always seemed to be heightened whenever Killian was around. "Look, honestly speaking, if you buy a ring and propose to mom, she's going to adore it. But, she's the kind of woman who wants to do this instead of allowing you to. It's all she talks about when we look at some show relating to marriage on TLC. It's always HER proposing to YOU. So if you kind of stray away from what she wants, you might break her little fairy tale. Think of it this way, she wants to be the Mister Darcy to your Elizabeth Bennet. The 'in vain I have struggled, it will not do' bit from Pride and Prejudice."

"Okay, okay," I accepted defeat.

"Where is she by the way?"

I related to him what had transpired before.

"So she's been out of your eyesight for half an hour or more and you haven't gone to check on her?" Chad gasped, "what kind of girlfriend are you? She could be...choking or being abducted by aliens as we speak."

"I'm hanging up now," I rolled my eyes, pushing myself away from the railing, "bye Chad."

The second the call ended, my footsteps hastily led inside the apartment. Slightly worried. Accepting the fact that I had been guiltily engaged in a phone call for over fifteen minutes whilst she could be in grave danger.

Silence. At first. That's all there was when I parted the beaded curtains and stepped further in, my eyes scanning the scene before me. There was the table, the candles missing. But something was different. Narrowing my eyes at the details, I noticed that the plates were missing and so was the dish. What remained was the chilled wine and two glasses.

From the sound of the plates as they were rested snugly in the wares rack, her whereabouts were pinpointed. The tinkle of glasses and the sound of cutlery. Being washed and packed away.

"You shouldn't have washed up," I said softly, edging closer to her. "I could have done that."

"The meal was prepared by you," she said in a calm tone, never turning around. "It is only fitting of me to at least wash up afterwards."

"But you've had a long day," I pointed out.

It was only fitting of me to get in between her and the sink. Prying the sponge out of those soft fingers, and resting the yellow square down, I carefully guided her hands under the faucet. When the soap suds were rinsed away, the black and red checkered dish towel was reached for. Even whilst her hands were wrapped inside and gingerly rubbed dry, Regina had all eyes on me. All the time, like at the table before. It was as if something was suddenly gloriously magnificent about my face and I had no idea what it was.

"Is my eyeliner smudged?" I tried for conversation at least, glancing at her whilst the cloth was returned to the counter.

She shook her head before answering. "No. Why?"

"Because you've been staring at me as if I'm glowing or something. And I don't know what to think. Did I get uglier?" Maybe I had.

"Don't be ridiculous." She rolled her brown eyes and smirked. "I don't think that's even possible." But then she'd lie about it even if I did.

"What if like I get disfigured and I become all wrinkly and stuff?" I edged closer and she stayed where she was. The very thought of that made me cringe.

"I'd still love you the same way."

"Really?" I stared. I mean even if the Phantom of the Opera had to wear a mask and still he managed to snatch a decent looking girl, then there would still be a bit of luck for me. If.

"Emma," lifting her hands, those warm fingers played with my cheeks, curling, "stop doubting or testing my love for you. In more ways than one, it is something that can never...diminish, in a manner of speaking."

"Well, I was just checking," tilting my head, and leaning into her cupped fingers, I smiled. "Can I get a kiss now? Or do I have to wait until after my bedtime story?"

The reaction I unearthed from her was a mixture of a scowl and a pout, red painted lips tempting me. Nevertheless, I was kept at a distance whilst she caressed my face. Then my neck and when those fingers touched my breasts, lingering there whilst we gazed at each other, I couldn't breathe. All those naughty visions kept returning, flash after flash of me peeling off her lingerie and using my mouth on her. Tasting soft honey colored skin and everywhere else.

"Be ever so kind and fetch me a brush," she said in the gentlest tone. "I suddenly have a guilty desire of brushing your blonde hair."

"It's that messy?" Reaching up, I ran my fingers through strands that felt fine to me.

"Just...go," she urged, her lips curling up into a smile. I was given a push. "Meet me on the balcony."

You know sometimes something just happens when you're with someone, and suddenly your gut is pinched. It's like an inner signal that you weren't quite seeing the big picture and the air was buzzing with energy. Like the air before a storm. You had a feeling that the clouds were rolling in for some reason, but you weren't quite sure about the extremity of the weather to come. Anticipation. Believing that at some point, even the one person you knew like the back of your hand could surprise you and you wouldn't see it coming.

That's what she did to me.

I collected the brush with my mind completely focused on her. The conversation with Chad. Talking about marriage with her and then afterwards, everything had suddenly been tilted sideways. Now there I was, making my way to the beaded curtains and noting how the wind was picking up. The storm was coming alright but probably not a fierce one as I would have favored. I love storms. It's like nature is going through PMS or something and she just shakes everything up out of anger and a turmoil of emotions.

From the moment I stepped out there and noticed how she was clutching the railing with a certain amount of rigidity, I could tell that something was definitely happening. Regina seemed tense. Too tense and it worried me. Like, what if she was going to tell me something that was painful? Should I prepare myself for that? Should I suck it up and try to expect too much or too little, meaning, nothing at all? Maybe she just wanted to make love to me and was waiting on the first move. That's it. All the tension building up from her absence and now all I had to do was...

She was turning around.

"Hey is everything okay?" I took a tentative step forward, pulling at my fingers nervously.

The wind whipped her dark, choppy hair about that beautiful face. It's amazing how perfect her eyes were. Eyelashes fluttering and eyeliner done to perfection. She was always so prepared. So mannered. So...neat. Everything about her was so womanly, down to how graceful those fingers were. Graceful motions, whether to collect her wine glass or whilst using cutlery. Regina was broken as all of us were but she was perfect in every way to me now. Every single way. And if I could have rewound time and was given a chance to alter anything, I wouldn't have changed what happened between us at all.

There it was.

Her hands were brought forward and it was obvious that something was captured between her fingers. She seemed so nervous. Her chest was heaving and from the moment our eyes met fully, I knew. I knew in that moment what was going to happen and as much as my mind had conjured up many scenarios to suit that occasion, nothing prepared me for what happened still.

"I honestly thought of...of...the right moment," Regina's voice was unsteady as she slid nearer to where I stood. "And I kept...pushing it away, believing that time would...somehow never move by as fast as...expected. What is five years compared to ten and what difference would it make?" Her nervous laugh made me smile, butterflies flitting about inside my stomach.

It was happening.

It was really happening and I couldn't think.

"All I am aware of is one simple fact," she was a foot away from me, twelve inches and I was choking on riding high on emotions. "That there is nothing sure about the future except that I...want..." the huskiness of her voice made my knees weaker. "I want...you in it. I want...all of you...there with me. Through everything. And I know that I can be so bitchy -"

"I don't mind," I whispered, tears clouding my eyes and smiling through it all.

"I don't want you to be...doubtful anymore," she returned, smiling as well. "About anything. So..." bowing her head for a few seconds, she sniffed, the back of that graceful hand lifted to scrub at blushing cheeks.

When the yellow and red box peeked out from between her trembling fingers, I heard this ringing in my ears and grew extremely dizzy. The world was tilting. I couldn't breathe and no matter how hard it was attempted, the tears came. So this is what it really felt like to be completely astonished to a point where you were cold and warming up at the same time. Your knees were weak but you still managed just fine to keep standing. Your hands were shaking and your heart was racing. Racing so fast, as if about to crash.

"Um..." Regina finally displayed the box and her hand was shaking. I could see it and the whole effect of how captivated she was, it really drowned my heart. "Emma, will you..."

"One hundred times yes," I declared after her two second silence, my smile widening. "One hundred million times in this lifetime and every other. Yes. Yes. Yes."

"Let me finish," she tumbled out, staring.

It wasn't a bad stare but a good one. And by 'good' I mean just a vacant one that didn't suggest any kind of anger.

"Okay," I squared my shoulders ridiculously and inhaled deeply. "Go ahead."

"Fuck," she swore and breathed through her lips. "Where was I?"

"You were saying...In vain I have struggled. It will not do..." The toothy grin I gave her seemed to lighten the mood, chasing away all nervousness and she actually chuckled, cheeks growing flusher.

"Can you cut the dramatics?" I was shown teeth, perfect teeth which was a good sign. "You have no idea how nervous I am right now."

"Get down on your knees and tell me you love me," I mimicked that bad ass guy from Home Alone. "You've got to do better than that."

"You...twat."

She came in close and took a hold of my shoulders, squeezing them and walking me backwards. We giggled like kids. Our heads danced closer like love struck teenagers and somehow I was breathing again. When my butt met the wall, our foreheads were rested together, noses nudging affectionately.

"Will you marry me, Emma?"

I brushed my lips on hers and felt how she trembled, warm breath kissing my face. "Of course I will. And you already knew that."

"Well I had to ask in the old fashioned way, to be formal," she leaned in for a kiss and I moved my lips away an inch.

"What's inside the box?" I peered down as the wind kissed our cheeks. "I mean, you haven't shown me and since it's something I'll have to wear to show that we're married then, I hope it's a Hello Kitty band. Or a Hello Kitty watch. Or a Hello Kitty chain or..."

"Dammit," she gasped and suddenly remembered the rest of the whole proposal ordeal. "I forgot to open the damn thing. I am so sorry."

"It could be a...ring," I shrugged, trying to be comical whilst she pulled up the yellow lid and exposed a gold band that was bound to fit me to perfection.

Maybe my vision had been obscured when I last saw it or perhaps it had been nervousness kicking in, but I couldn't remember the details until now. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't the kind of girl to know a thing about diamond sizes or the elaborate details of rings but I was sure of one thing after setting eyes on that one.

It was expensive.

It had an intricate design, as if gold vines were wrapped together to wound around the stone. And when she slid it onto my finger, I felt so golden. Wrapping my fingers around hers and pulling us as near as ever. And then without holding back, I kissed my fiancee. Honestly that line just made my toes curl because for most of my life, the majority of movies and TV shows and books spoke of a girl's fiance. Now I had the opposite and how did it feel?

IT FELT AWESOME.

I really kissed her though, like really, really. Getting all passionate about it and drowning in the taste of wine on her soft lips. It was so heavenly. My own moment of bliss to remember forever and you know what I'll never forget too? The way she began to undress me on the balcony, without my mind even latching onto what was happening that fast. From the time the wind licked my bare shoulders, I realized that I was fucking topless.

Her warm mouth sucked on the swell of my breasts, my back arching. Even as the clouds rolled over New York, we didn't pay any attention to that. The weather was stormy just as our night spent between the sheets was. Static. Twisting and turning, legs becoming tangled as fingers penetrated and picked up rhythm. And when the rain finally began to pelt down upon the glorious skyscrapers within that city that really never slept like Las Vegas, our hoarse cries filled the air. Sweat soaked bodies that trembled and reached a peak like no other.

"Mrs. Mills," she was breathless still, holding onto me whilst the heavens tore open and rain shrouded the night like a thick curtain.

"Why can't I be Mrs. Swan?" I didn't mind being Mrs. Mill at all though.

She curled into me, her nakedness so warm and soothing to my own body. "Because I'm the boss."

"Hey you can't use that line on me, okay?" I held her face between my hands and received a smirk. I pouted. "Give me another reason why. And this time, be creative."

"Oh how pressured I suddenly feel to..." she inhaled deeply, "...concoct a suitable explanation. I don't know. Because it's something you always wanted?"

I tried to appear unimpressed. "That's the best you can come up with?"

"Yes," she shrugged, appearing slightly worried.

My smile suddenly radiated my face and she was surprised. "I like it. That's so true. You have no idea how many times I had to sign a document and imagined me writing...Emma Swan Mills. Like the thought of being married." Muffling my squeal, I yanked her closer and buried my face into the sweetness of soft dark tendrils that were watermelon scented.

"You're beginning to sound like your mother," she said into my boobs. "Squealing and such. Will they take the news kindly?"

"Are you kidding me?" I allowed our eyes to meet and stared. "Mom has been envisioning my wedding since I was nine."

"Yes, but this is going to be a...gay wedding. Not one with a bride and a groom," she pointed out. "Isn't that the kind she has been planning all these years?"

"You didn't let me finish," I pressed a kiss to her damp forehead. "Ever since she met you, mom has been very annoying with her discussions on our wedding. Like she seriously wants me to wear a tux."

"Seriously?" she smiled at me, and my thumb caressed her bottom lip. "But do you wish to wear a tux?"

"I'd show up in a bikini to marry you."

"Don't...do that." Her husky voice curled my toes. "Surprise me. Either a very handsome lady's pants or skirt suit. Or a gown."

"And you?"

"A gown that is inspired by a Jane Austen novel. That is all I am confessing." She entwined our fingers. We both gazed at that affectionate gesture.

"So you picked it out already?" I was fishing.

"I have a few options to choose from. You will see on the day itself."

"And when will we...do this thing?"

"If by 'this thing' you mean our wedding day, then we'll have to both decide on a date. Perhaps June would be refreshing. Don't you think? Or May."

Listening to her discussing an affair that was finally our wedding, it was like a fairy tale unraveling. The way she poured out her visions about what would be rather fascinating and the locations. All of the places she chose were the exact places I adored. Not too fancy but very cozy and from the moment she suggested anything Jane Austen, my insides literally melted. An archway wound with purple and yellow flowers. A garden-like affair. All of it was so breathtaking, I couldn't wait.

"So Mrs. Mills," she couldn't quite get enough of referring to me as such, "when will we tell these friends of ours?"

"Oh my god, can you imagine how they will react?" my eyes were widened, picturing Killian's eyes shining and Mally's outburst, clapping her hands in glee.

"A bunch of hooligans, that much I know for sure," she ran her fingers through my hair and it felt so good. "Now let's drift off to sleep as a definite engaged couple, whilst the rain and thunder soothe our ecstatic minds."

"You're always so poetic," I said, pressing our lips together.

"I love you, my darling." Holding me in her arms, I was the little spoon for a change.

"I love you too, my sophisticated Queen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO MUCH for reading!


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